How I Became the Girl I Am

What can you do, when your mother finds your female friends' clothes in your closet?

How I Became the Girl I Am

By Barbara Lynn Terry

"Get up! Get up right now young lady!"

"Huh? What's the matter, mom?"

"Where did you get these dresses from, that I found in your closet?"

"Mom, I don't know where those came from. Honest."

"Well, I didn't put them there, and unless we have unseen visitors, you are the only other person who could have."

I looked at the floor dejected. My mom had found the clothes I had borrowed from one of the girls at school. There were only two dresses. The slips and other underthings were hidden beneath my bottom dresser drawer. I got out of bed and still looking at the floor, I walked over to my dresser and got those things out. I handed them to her. Then, still looking at the floor, I said:

"Mom, I don't want you to think that I'm gay or anything, its just I like wearing things that girls wear. I don't know why, I just do."

"Okay, I'm sorry for yelling like I did. Look at me honey, we need to talk."

"Yes mom," I said looking at her with fear in my eyes.

"How long have you been wearing dresses and girl's under things?"

"It's been a while mom. About two and a half years."

"Honey, why didn't you come to me and tell me?"

"Cause mom, I was scared. You always told me that I should act like a boy, and I'm sorry mom, but I don't know how. I mean I have tried to do things like boys do, only to find out that I didn't like the way boys acted. I like being a girl. The girl that wants to come out and be noticed."

"Okay sweetie, listen, I have to have you see a psychiatrist or some kind of therapist. There is a number I can call to see who is better at this than others. It's called the psychiatric hotline. I need to find out if this is something you really want or if it is something caused by a mental illness. It will be okay honey, you needn't worry."

"Okay mom, I will see the therapist."

"Good girl. When you dress as a girl, do you use a girl's name?"

"Yes mom, I use Anne Marie with my last name."

"That is a very pretty name. All right Anne Marie, go take a bath and put one of these outfits on. I want to see what my daughter looks like."

"Okay mom."

I went in the bathroom and ran the bath water. I put in some lavender bubble bath and watched the suds foam up. I will wash my hair after. I got into the tub and just let the water and suds soak through me. It felt really good. I had taken bubble baths several times before, but now I don't have to do it in secret anymore. After what seemed like forever, and I started turning into a prune, I got out and rinsed down. I patted myself dry with a soft terry towel, put some lotion on all over, and powdered it down a little with lavender body powder. I took the soft, satin panties and slid them up my legs. I put my lace bra on next, and then my satin, with lace slip. I looked at myself in the full length bathroom mirror. I was cute so far, but I was going to be pretty. I then opened the bathroom door. Good! Mom's nowhere around. I walked over to my bedroom and peeked in, nope, she wasn't there either. I said down the stairs to my mom that I would be ready in about a half an hour. She said okay.

I went in my room and locked the door. I went in my dresser and got out the makeup Aurora had let me have when she lent me her two outfits. I looked in the mirror and clipped my hair behind me, so it wouldn't be in the way. I put on a light foundation and after blending it in, I put on a light powder. I put on a light pink lipstick and some mascara on my lashes. I then stepped into my dress and zipped it up. I put my hair in a pony tail and after making sure everything was in order, I went downstairs.

"Mom, I'm coming down now."

"Okay dear, I'm in the kitchen."

I walked down the stairs as quiet as I could be. I kinda tipped toed over to the kitchen, so the heels of my pumps wouldn't make any sound. I stood in the doorway of the kitchen, and looked at my mother's expression as she saw Anne Marie for the first time. Her mouth was wide open with her hand over it.

"Oh my god! Anne Marie, you are a very beautiful girl."

I curtsied when she said that, "why thank you ma'am, I'm sure." We both giggled and she hugged me, but not so that she would mess up my makeup. She went and got the camera and took several pictures of me in different rooms, doing different things. You know for to show our friends and neighbors.

"Thanks mom."

"For what honey?"

"Just for being my mom." I got another hug.

"Okay honey, what would you like for dinner?"

"Something light mom. I really don't eat much anyway."

"I know. You pick like a bird. You get that from me, you know." We giggled together and then something I never thought would happen. Mom and I actually touched noses, like I have seen girls do at school when they said something they shared no one else knew about.

Dinner was light. We had a garden salad, with roma tomatoes, celery and carrots, milk and a yogurt for dessert. This is the kind of lunch Aurora had at least three times a week. Aurora was in my class at school. She and I are fourteen with one month apart in our birthdays. We are the same height at five foot, five inches, she weighs about one hundred and twenty seven pounds, while I am a whole one hundred and thirty. I have a light frame and my face is very feminine. My hair is long, and it shines when light hits it. My mom isn't very tall either. She is five foot six inches, with light auburn hair and sky blue eyes. We took our time eating and we talked some more about how to be a girl and how I should act when I'm outside. She did say that we were going to go shopping so I could have my own clothes, and that once she bought them, I had to wear them, even to school. I told her there would be no problem, and I would not be afraid to go to school as Anne Marie Harding.

"Well! You certainly have the attitude. But if you run into any problems, you let me know. Okay?"

"Yes mom, I will. But I don't think I will because a lot of the guys think I'm gay and the girls treat me like one of them."

"Okay dear, but if you do, I want to know about it. Okay?"

"Okay mom."

We cleaned up the kitchen, washed the dishes and put them away. Mom went into the front room and looked up the number for the psychiatric hotline.

"Hello? Yes, I would like to find a psychiatrist or a therapist for my child. He's fourteen and likes dressing as a girl. Oh? Gender dysphoria huh? I never heard of that term before. Oh! Transsexualism. Oh I see, you mean where one is one sex but feels like they are the opposite. Yes, a psycho-therapist would be fine, but if you don't mind, I'd like him to see a female if possible. Someone he can identify with in his feelings and thoughts. Oh Robin Monson-DuPuis. Okay. I'll give her a call. Thank you." She hung up.

"Anne Marie, the lady I talked to, said this lady, Robin, is a transgender specialist in gender dysphoria, which is the medical term for transsexual. She said to give Robin a call now, as she has late hours on Fridays. Should I call her and see if we can make an appointment?"

"Yes mom. At least this is a lady I can talk to."

Mom dialed the number and waited for a few moments, then she began talking. "Hello? Mrs. DuPuis? My name is Helen Harding and I'm calling to see if I can make an appointment for my son who wants to be a girl. I just need to find out if there is something mentally that is influencing his decision. Okay, two o'clock tomorrow? That sounds great. Thanks. Well Anne You can see her tomorrow at two o'clock. I know there is nothing wrong, but we need to be sure."

"Okay mom."

I went upstairs and got into the night gown that Aurora had let me borrow. It was pink lace on top and solid pink satin for the skirt part. It flowed when I walked. I put on my socks and went downstiars to show my mom.

"Mom, this is the nightgown that my friend let me borrow. Does it look pretty?"

"Why yes it does dear. Very pretty. But you need a pair of slippers. Come in my room and let us see if we can find you a pair that'll fit." I followed her into her room and she looked in her closet until she foud what she was looking for. "Here Anne, try these on."

I slid my foot into the the pink slipper mules that had a powder puff just before the toe of the slipper. I walked around for a bit to get used to them, and had no problems.

"You have been dressing like this for quite a while, haven't you Anne?"

"Yes mom, I have."

I got a big hug from her and then she said, "I now have a daughter, and we are going to have so much fun. It is a very special thing between a mother and a daughter. We can actually share things, like clothes and talk about boys, (giggle), and we can do each other's hair and just lay around in our nighties if we want to. We can go shopping together in the same department for the same things, different sizes of course, (giggle), but we can have so much fun. So, tomorrow before we go see Robin, I want to go and buy you some clothes. Okay?"

"Okay mom."

I kissed her good night and went up to bed. I slept very good that night knowing that my mother loved me. I slept and had a very nice dream. I dreamt I was talking to this lady named Robin. That Robin talked to my mother before and after she talked to me. Robin told me I was a very nice young lady, and never once called me by my yucky boy name. She complimented me on the outfit we had bought for this interview. Then I heard my mom's voice telling me it was time to wake up.

"Morning sweetie, how did you sleep, dear?"

"Just fine mom. I had a dream last night about talking to Robin today."

"That's odd dear. At least it was a good dream. Anyway go take a nice bath, and get dressed, cause we have to go shopping."

"Okay mom."

I went in the bathroom and repeated the same thing as the day before. I got out of the tub, washed my hair, and after drying it a little, wrapped the towel around my head so it could soak up the excess moisture. I went in and got out the outfit from the day before and after drying my hair completely with mom's blow dryer, I put it in a pony tail and after making sure everything was okay, I went downstairs.

"Here honey, here's a purse for you to carry. I'll get you a nice one while were out, but this will do for now though."

"Thanks mom."

I drank a glass of juice and we left for the stores. The first store we went to was a nice dress shoppe. Beautiful Clothes Make Beautiful Girls, was the name of it. The sales lady that came to help us was young, twenties, maybe, with nice sun yellow blonde hair and a very nice figure. I was jealous. I want a figure like that. (Giggle.) Her complexion was flawless and she seemed to sing when she talked. She took us over to the dresses and let us look at them, telling us she'll be at the register if we needed any help. Because of the clothes I was already wearing, we knew exactly what size dress to get. One of the dresses mom got for me was a sort of backless, with spaghetti strings you tied in the back, about where the bra strap would be, if I was wearing one. This dress had a built in bra, so there would be no problem. There was also a kind of webbing that went from underneath the tied strings, to the waist. It was lavender in color and was very beautiful.

Then we went over to the lingerie part, and picked out a half slip, five pairs of panties in different colors and fabrics, and we even stopped to get my ears pierced. We paid the lady for the clothes, and then we went to a shoe store. I tried on several pair of heels, pumps, slides, mules, and settled on a pair of white mules. We paid for the shoes and left for home.

"When we get home dear, I want you to put on some nice perfume I have. Then I'll set your hair really nice and it will be time to see the therapist."

"Okay mom, but don't you think this is kind of being overdressed just to see a therapist, though?"

"That is a very good question, Anne, but no. You want to be a girl, right?"

"Yes mom, like forever."

"Good girl. So you want to present yourself as a very nice and well behaved young lady, who is proud of who she is. I'm sure Robin has seen many young ladies dressed in different styles. You want to show her you care about your appearance as well as your attitude. Okay?"

"Yes mom, I see what you mean."

"Dear, you are fourteen, and you need to start dressing the way girls your age do. I've seen girls at your school wear dresses like this going to class."

I looked at her and said, "When were you at school mom?"

"The other day when I had to go in for parent/teacher conference. You were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you, so I went. You are doing very good at school. Better than your uncles ever did. You take after me in the brains department." We giggled.

"Thanks mom, you're the greatest."

"All right, let's get going. We don't want to be late for your first appointment."

We went out and got in the car and drove to Robin's office. We had to park in the back of the parking lot, cause the building where her office is, was very busy. We walked to Robin's office and my mom told the lady behind the desk my name and who I was to see. She was a very nice lady too, couldn't tell her age, but she had a very nice smile and personality.

"That's a very nice dress, Anne."

"Thank you, ma'am."

We waited for about fifteen minutes and a lady came in the waiting area and called my name. She was pretty, with blonde hair, nice, clear, blue eyes. She said she wanted to talk to my mother first. After about fifteen more minutes, mom came out and I was called in. Robin started the interview.

"Hello Anne, I'm Robin Monson-DuPuis, senior psycho-therapist, MSW, LCSW, CADC. That's a very nice dress, Anne. Your mother tells me that you feel that you are female inside. How long have you felt this way?"

"Thanks. Well actually I have always thought that I was a girl, from as long as I can remember, but I didn't start dressing like a girl until about two and a half years ago, when I was talking to a girl at school about wanting to be a girl. She loaned me a couple of dresses and some underthings. I would wear them when my mom wasn't home."

"Okay, that's good. Do you wish you were a girl, Anne?"

"Oh yes, ma'am, I do, with all of my heart, I wish I could be a girl."

"You can call me Robin, Anne. There is nothing wrong with your wish to be a girl. But you know though, that there will be a long journey to becoming a girl, especially after you have been a male."

"Yes, I know Robin. And I am ready to take that journey too."

"Good girl. Well! I don't see anything wrong with your wish. But I would like to continue to see you, so I can help you with any problems or fears you may have. Would that be all right, Anne?"

"Yes Robin it would. I would like to see you again also."

"Good. Now, I'm going to call your mom back in here. So I will be right back. Okay?"

"Okay." My mom and Robin came back in and Robin began.

"Mrs. Harding, Anne is a very wonderful young lady. I think it would be very nice if she was allowed to transition. That is what we call going from male to female. She has said she has actually felt like a girl always from very early on, but only started dressing as a girl a couple of years ago. I will issue a letter for you to take to the childrens court, so you can change her name legally to Anne Marie Harding. Would you like that Anne?"

"Oh yes, I certainly would! That means I can go to school as Anne. Yes Robin, that would be very good."

"Okay, and I have one more question. How do you think you'll get along in school as Anne?"

"Robin, most of the guys think I'm gay anyway and the girls have always treated me like one of them. So I shouldn't have any problems at all."

"Good. Okay, well, then I will see you in a month unless you need to come in sooner. Good luck, Anne."

"Thank you Robin."

We left and went back to the car. As we walked we talked about the interview.

"Well Anne, what did you think of Robin?"

"She's very nice mom. She even said that there was nothing wrong with me being a girl. Are you going to have my name changed mom? I would really like that, if you did."

"Yes dear, I am. I will call our attorney on Monday and tell him what we need to do and have him file the papers."

I gave my mom a big hug. "Thanks mom, you're a girl's best friend."

"Well, tell you what then. Let's have mother/daughter lunch. What would you like for lunch, dear?"

"A salad mom, we girls need to watch our figures." We giggled and went to Zeb's which is very nice restaurant.

"Hi Anne," The waitres said as she came to take our orders.

"Hi Mrs. Connors. This is my mom. Mom this is Aurora's mom."

"Hi ... Audrey? You can tell Aurora that she is welcome to come and visit anytime she wants to. My name is Helen."

"It is very nice to meet you. When Aurora told me she lent some of her clothes to a boy at school that wanted to be a girl, I told her that it was her decision, but to be careful. Anne, is that a new dress? It is very pretty."

"Thanks Mrs. Connors. Yes it is new, mom got it for me this morning."

"It is very nice to see you again, Anne, and very nice meeting you too Helen. Did you want to order?"

"Yes," my mom said. "We'll each have a garden salad, with milk."

"Okay, coming right up."

After we ate, we paid the cashier and left. On the way home, my mom wanted to know how I knew Aurora's mother.

"I was at Aurora's house a few times after school and on weekends. When I said I was going to the park, or over to a friend's house, I wasn't lying. Aurora is a friend and we have gone to the park a number of times,"

"Well, she seems very nice. When we get home, you should call Aurora and tell her to come over Saturday, if she can."

"All right mom, I will. And she'll come over too."

We parked in front of the house and I went in and called Aurora. I told her what we did and stopped at the restaurant where her mom worked and that my mom wanted to know if she could come over on Saturday. She said she'd be right over.

"Mom, Aurora is coming over tonight. She'll be here shortly."

"Okay Anne, thanks."

"You're welcome mom."

AURORA'S SURPRISE

Aurora came over quickly and said she had a surprise for me. She was carrying a garment bag as she came in the house.

"Oh my god, Anne! That's a pretty dress. When did you get that?"

"This morning. Mom and I went shopping for a new outfit. Guess what though! Mom's going to change my name to Anne Marie."

"That is so great. Hey! I brought you a surprise. I want you to go in your room and try it on."

"What is it, Aurora, a dress?"

"Yes it is, but I want to see how it looks on you. Now go get changed."

"Okay, be right back."

I went in my room to try on the dress she brought me. I unzipped the garment bag and took out a nice peach semi-formal, knee length dress. It had a scoop neck and it only zipped up to mid back. It flowed with my every movement. I made sure everything was in order and went downstairs to show Aurora and mom.

"Wow!" Aurora exclaimed with her hand covering her mouth. "You look absolutely stunning, Anne. This is a present for my new sister. Mrs. Harding thanks for showing support for Anne. She really has been having a hard time with this. Anne, the clothes I let you borrow, you can keep. Another present for my sister."

"Thanks Aurora," I gave her a sisterly hug.

"Having a hard with this hey, honey. What kind of a hard time?"

"Mom, I was having a hard time telling you. That's why I was talking to Aurora about being a girl. She said the only way I was going to get confidence to tell you, was to dress like the girl I am. So she gave me those dresses and underthings and, but I was still afraid. Aurora told me on the phone that she knew you knew, cause I was calling from home. Mom, Aurora is my best friend."

"That's good dear. Aurora? How do the kids treat Anne at school? Do they call her names or threaten to beat her up?"

"No Mrs. Harding, just the opposite. Some of the boys have even asked her out on a date, and well, the girls treat her like one of us. And now that she is, she will be all right. We'll see to that."

"That's good to hear, dear. I am so glad that Anne Marie has support. Aurora dear, will you come to walk Anne to school on Monday? I think she is going to need someone to help her with confidence, if things get a little rough."

"Sure Mrs. Harding, I'd be glad to walk with my best girl friend to school."

"Okay, then its settled, Monday Anne, you will go to school as yourself, not like a pretended boy."

"Thanks mom. Thanks Aurora."

The weekend was spent with me doing things around the house with mom. I helped with the meals, cleaning, laundry, and practicing sitting, walking and talking like a girl. Mom was impressed on how I did those things like I was born to them. I told her that I had been doing these things with Aurora and my other friends for a long time. She said I was a natural for a girl. My mom is the greatest.

Monday At School

Monday morning came a little early. I got up earlier than normal so I could get really ready. I took my shower and went back in the bedroom to get dressed. I put on a little dual foundation powder, a little light blush, and some mascara. Mom won't let me wear eye makeup yet. I put my hair in a pony tail and went down to meet Aurora. When I got downstairs, Aurora was waiting in the kitchen talking to mom.

"Morning Aurora, morning mom."

"Morning," they said in unison.

"What do you want for breakfast, Anne?"

"Just a glass of juice and cinnamon toast."

"See Aurora, I told you, she eats like a bird." We all giggled. When I was done eating, Aurora and I left for school after giving my mom a hug and telling her I loved her. On the way to school, Aurora and I talked.

"Anne, tell me. Do you really, I mean like really with all of your soul, want to be a real girl?"

"Yes Aurora, I do. I have always wanted to be a girl ever since I was very young. I never liked the way boys played or talked. I mean, everything a boy does, seems to be a contest as to who is the best and the strongest. I'm not like that. I'd rather be playing jump rope, babysitting to make extra money, shopping for pretty clothes and wearing those clothes. Yes Aurora, I really, really want to be a girl."

"Well! I see that you are very serious, and I and the other girls will make sure you succeed."

"Thanks Aurora, you're the best."

We got a few blocks from the school, and Tom Jacobs came up to us and walked along side. He was also fourteen and in our class. He looked at me and gave me the thumbs up.

"Hey Anne, it's about time that you started dressing like a girl. You're very pretty. Why have you been hiding that figure under all those ugly boys clothes you've been wearing?"

"Hi Tom. Yeah, I thought it was time to be myself. You'll see the real Anne Marie from now on."

"Cool Anne. I meant what I said. You are very pretty."

"Thanks Tom," I said with a very feminine smile.

We went to our lockers and got our books for the first couple of periods and went to class. When I walked in the classroom, the boys did a few wolf whistles and the girls just smiled. A few of the girls softly punched their boyfriends, but all in all I had a wonderful first day dressed as Anne Marie. My first period teacher was Mrs. Thomas. She was a new teacher and this was her first time teaching on her own. She was pretty though, with highlighted brunette hair, and wore skirts and dresses about three inchess above the knees. She was nice though.

"Anne Marie Harding? It is about time you started dressing like the young lady that you are. You are one of my best students. A student who dresses for success is successful. Remember that."

"Thanks Mrs. Thomas, I will."

We got on with the day's lesson, which was accepting others, the way you would want others to accept you. I think it was mainly for my benefit. We had a great first period. Things were a little confusing when I went to third period gym. I walked in the locker room as always, and the boys looked at me like I wasn't supposed to be there. But there was no other way to get to the gym instructor's office. I went to his office and he gave me a pass to go to the office. When I got to the office, I asked to see Miss Grainger, my administrator.

"Hi Anne, come on in. Mr. Tarrantino called me, and I think we can get you in with the girls. We know you're not a genetic female, and still have male parts, but if the girls are willing to have you with them, we can fit you in. How does that sound?"

"Okay Miss Grainger. I would like that, as I have always wanted to be a girl. Aurora Connors said that she and the other girls would help me in anything I need to know to be a proper girl."

"That's good Anne, Aurora is a very nice girl. I'm glad she is one of your friends."

"Not just one of my friends, Miss Grainger, but my best friend. She is the one I was talking to about my feelings, and she said she would help, and now that I am going to be Anne Marie forever, she is keeping her word."

"That is great, Anne. I'm really glad that you have that kind of support. Okay, starting next week, you will report to Miss Hodges in the girls gym. Okay?"

"Yes Miss Grainger, and thank you."

I left the office and went to the library for a study hall. There were a few girls there from other classes and I went to sit by them. They smiled at me as I sat down, and then they went back to doing their work.

"Hi Anne," Tiffany whispered. "Why aren't you in gym?"

"Hi Tiff, I'm being reassigned to girls gym starting next week. Miss Grainger said that it is nice to have support from the students, especially the girls, for being me."

"Oh, Anne don't think anything of it. Aurora said that you are going to be you from now on, and I for one think it's great that you can be you and not be shy or embarrassed about it. By the way I like your dress. It does become you."

"Thanks Tiff. Do you think that you and the gang can come over to my house on Friday and we can have a sleep over?"

"Anne that sounds great. I'll tell the others. We can have so much fun."

The bell rang that said it was lunch time. I went to the cafeteria and got a small salad and milk, and went and sat by Aurora, Tiffany and the rest. When I sat down, Aurora looked at me and gave me two thumbs up.

"Anne, Tiff told me that you're being reassigned to girls gym. That's good because it means we can continue you're training while we're in class. We'll teach you how to do the unparalell bars, without hurting yourself. That way, when you become used to doing them, then you will truly have learned grasshopper." We all giggled cause Kung Fu was a favorite of ours, even though we were girls.

We then finished our lunch and went out on the track just to pass the time until fifth hour. We talked some more about having a sleepover at my house this coming weekend and everyone thought it was great. Tiffany was tall for a genetic girl. She stood five feet, ten inches, had natural sun blonde hair, a very nice figure, and a very nice and caring attitude. She loved kittens, teddy bears and making friends. The rest of the day went the same as the first part. Teachers complimented me on my dress and told me it was about time I started being a young lady. I agreed with them all. Then the final bell rang, and of course, the star student of the school ... me (giggle) had no homework. So I put my books in my locker and went out to meet Aurora, who always walked home with me. Today though, Tiffany decided to walk with us. As we walked we talked more about my being in girls gym and the sleepover this coming weekend, and about boys.

"Anne, who do you like for a boyfriend?"

"I don't know Aurora. I don't think I'm ready for that. I mean most of the guys in school are cute, but I've heard some of them bragging about they had this girl and where and all the details. It kinda made me sick. I don't know if I'm ready for a boyfriend."

"Anne, high school boys are terrible when it comes to telling the truth. They exaggerate everything to be the BMOC and that is how they get their reps. But I'm not talking about one of them though. I know a nice boy who is kinda shy. I'm going to ask him if he will go with you, because he needs someone and you need someone. I'm sure that he will be the absolute gentleman."

"Well all right Aurora. Do I know him?"

"Yes you do. Dennis Miller, the shy boy who just started the beginning of the semester."

"Oh okay, yeah I know Dennis. We've talked many times. He is nice, he just needs a little confidence is all."

"Good. I will ask him tomorrow when I see him, cause his locker is right next to mine. I'll ask him to sit with us, and we'll make sure he sits right next to you. Okay?"

"Sure Aurora, that'll be fine."

"Okay Anne, ttyl."

"ttyl."

Well I think you can guess what happened next. I went out with Dennis and we had great times. I was accepted into the girls physical education program, and I went on to graduate from high school. I completed transition and Dennis and I were married in a big ceremony. Everyone came. I got a job as a secretary and Dennis went to work for a local radio station as an apprentice engineer. We adopted two very nice children as infants, cause that is what we were looking for, so I could raise them, and we bought a snug little three bedroom cottage overlooking the lake. I am a girl, I have love, support and understanding, all is right with the world, and that is how I became the girl I am.



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