For a short moment I felt proud of myself for standing up to Riley. What was I even thinking going along with this stupid scheme of her, and why had it taken me this long to even see what was happening. I got up, walked over to one of the food stands at the side of the court and ordered myself a drink. It was only when I received my drink however, that reality suddenly dawned on me.

“Here you go miss, have great day” The person behind the counter said. But that was the whole reason I just yelled at Riley right? I am no miss. So the fact that I was still wearing this outfit, out in public. It was only a matter of time before somebody would recognize me and my world would be over. But that wasn’t the only problem, because how was I supposed to get home in the first place. Going home with Riley clearly was out of the question, but similarly calling my mom to come pick me up was also not something in the realm of possibilities. Even if I got home somehow, I couldn’t walk in like this. My mother would kill me.

Leaning my back against a wall I felt the panic quickly take a hold of me. My fingers started feel sweaty and I could feel my heart beating in my chest. Why did have to blow up against Riley so bad? Couldn’t I have just waited until we got out of here? Where did Riley even walk off to in first place? What is even happening to me right now? What am I going to do now that I am all alone? Why can’t I just keep myself in check?!

“Hey? Are you ok?

I closed my eyes for a second trying to regain my bearings. Trying to filter out all the sounds present in this busy Friday night food court I tried to concentrate so I could find a solution out of my predicament. Nothing was coming up right away. I dug deeper and deeper when I could feel the pressure on my chest increasing. I might have just gone a little bit over the line with Riley. Like she was clearly wrong, but her intensions were right. It is all my fault isn’t it. Why do I have to be so stupid all the time, why is my brain so broken!

I suddenly felt somebody rest their arms on my shoulders while their were slowly being moved down to embrace my entire body. As I tried to open my eyes in an attempt to what was going on I could feel the sensation of a fuzzy mess of hair being draped across my face. With my vision returning it became clear to me that it was Rachel’s brown curls that were being brought up right in front of my face as she was giving me a comfortable bear hug.

Rachel used her hand to pat me on my back a few times while whispering “It’s going to be fine Emily”

I didn’t even really know what was happening to me at this point, all I know is that whatever Rachel was doing, it felt really good. A few tears were welling up the corners of my eye. This was already the second time I was crying in only a few hours, what a flippin night it had been so far. Carefully wiping away the few tears in way that it wouldn’t smudge my makeup I actually managed to speak some words of my own. “Thanks Ray, I guess really needed that. Sorry for making you leave your friends”

“Hey now, you don’t have to feel bad. I don’t really know what that fight was about, but it sounded pretty intense. And I’ve seen my fair share of panic attacks to know that you really needed a hug” Rachel calmy explained. “Teammates stick together right?”

Deep inside of me their was a little voice telling to me to run away as fast as possible, but I also knew that Rachel was the only person who could help me right now. While it was probably a longshot, she just might be my ticket home after all. Especially since I did happen to know that she has a license and her own car. I had to just suck it up and swallow my pride right now.

I took a big sip from the diet soda I had just ordered to clear the giant boulder that was lodged into my throat. Looking up at my team captain standing right next to me I asked. “Thanks Ray. I don’t suppose I can ask you for another favor?”

“Whatever you need, I’m here for you” the tall brunette reassured me.

“Well… Riley was kind of my ride here. So would you maybe have the time to drop me off at my house” I said while looking down at my own two feet.

Rachel smiled, “Of course, the match I’m supposed to sub in for starts in 2 hours, I’m sure I can get you home before that”

I hugged Rachel back for a quick second and told her I would go get my stuff I left at the table while she went to over to inform the other hockey girls that she would meet them and at the pitch. Meeting back up with Rachel I gave her my address. Slowly and silently we made our way to the car park, greeted by the brisk New-England winds. Rachel would sometimes look over to me with a slight smile, but I kept my eyes to the ground as I still felt very shook about everything that had just happened. While the chills were moving down my spine I was eventually led to cute little Mini-Cooper that supposedly belonged to Rachel.

As the cold winds made place for the warm interior of Rachel’s car I couldn’t help but think about what I had done to be put in this position in the first place. I felt like a horrible person for what I had said to Riley less than 15 minutes ago, why did I even snap that hard in the first place? And yet here I was, on the precipice of being driven home by someone who I had been deceiving for months. Somebody who had gone out of way to calm me down when was losing it completely, doing so without even being asked to in the first place. How did I even deserve to have friends like these, if I’m being a horrible shithead to all of them.

We were pulling out of the carpark turning slowly turning onto the barely illuminated road outside the mall. Rachel made a quick glance at me while keeping her attention on the road. “Do you want to talk about it?” she calmly asked me while slowing down in front of the intersection.

My first instinct was to say no, as tonight had been quite eventful already. And especially since up to this point Rachel had been nothing but a saint to me, while talking about the fight would inevitably involve me having to lie to her even more. But I also knew there was really nobody else I could talk about this with.

“I don’t know. Do you ever just say something that you immediately regret afterwards?” I told Rachel trying to evade the actual facts of the fight itself.

“Of course, we all do. Remember that scrim where I told Kelsey that she needed to learn to freeze the lane properly instead of squealing like a fat pig every time I left her alone to pull the lane back? We had lost 3 scrims in a row and I was just really fed up with losing so much that I projected it all on to her, I didn’t actually mean what I said in the heat of the moment. Obviously that particular game was as good as over at that point since I tilted Kelsey to the moon and back. But the next day I apologized to her and we carefully went over some replays together to see how could do better next time.”

Driving past a parking lot I could see two people standing next to a car with a slight bit of parking damage. It looked like they were exchanging information while trying to fill out some kind of form on colored paper.

“Of course I don’t exactly know what happened back there, and I’m in no position to pry either. But whatever words were said between you two, It can’t be as powerful as the magical words of ‘I’m sorry’. Especially if it’s between two good friends. And let’s be honest here, who could ever stay mad at that face of yours Emily. Now that I’ve seen that I don’t think I will ever be able to flame you again, no matter how hard you feed.”

While Rachel’s speech was definitely uplifting, it was hard for me to completely agree with it. I could understand her point of course, but her example paled in comparison to the personal jabs I had send Riley’s way today. I let out a big sigh, and once more looked at girl behind the wheel. Realizing the crazy amount of luck on my side to be able to have her as an actual friend.

In all honesty, the only person who I could ever have more personal conversations like this with was Riley. Of course their were some guys here and there I would shoot the shit with sporadically, but I could never build a connection like I could with her. I guess that is also why playing with girls team felt so good. For some reason I had felt a similar connection with them as I did with Riley, and Rachel was kind of proven that point in front of me right now.
“Thanks Ray, you don’t know how badly I needed to hear something like that” I said as we started to get closer and closer to my house. “I’m really looking forward to next week you know”

Rachel gave of a big smile the second I mentioned the bootcamp while sneaking a quick glance at me. “Gosh! Me too em! And the rest of the girls are going to love you, I swear. 2 days of non-stop dota with my all my besties, I can’t imagine anything better”

For a second I closed my eyes while fantasizing about next week with a large grin on my face. Besides me I could hear Rachel ticking her finger tops on the steering wheel as she nervously stuttered “You know… You could… Just maybe… Ask you friend to come as well next week? Only if she wants too of course. Just saying we have the space you know”

Rachels idea caught me quite off guard if I had to be straight. But it wasn’t the worst of idea’s. This way I would have something to offer with my inevitable apology to Riley, and it would be a great help to have someone around who knew of my secret. If anything suspicious happened she could help cover for me. That is if I could convince her to not hate me forever that is…

“Uhm… Yeah, if she wants to of course” I responded to Rachel as I spotted the fact that we just turned into my street. “Oh I guess we are almost there, thank you so much for the ride again.”

“That’s what friends are for” she said while pulling into the cull-de-sac where my house was situated giving me a little wink.

I opened the car door and grabbed my bags. Looking back at Rachel one last time before closing it again while giving a her slight nod. “See you next week”

The Mini then drove off leaving me standing all alone in front of the house. I had noticed that mom’s car was sitting in the driveway so she was definitely home. Now I just needed to figure out how to get into my room without my mom seeing me, as I was really not in the mood to give her an explanation right now.

I decided to sneak around the house, making my way to the backdoor. Doing so I managed to see that the only light burning in the house was coming from my mom’s office. Hoping that she was too engaged with her work to hear me coming home early I slowly opened the door while closing it behind me with great care. Stepping out into the kitchen I spotted some leftover packaging belonging to Chinese take-away food.

Making my way into the hallway however I stepped up onto the first step of stairs and had put just a little bit too much weight on it, causing It creak like old barndoor being opened for the first time in years. Anxiety filled my body as my mothers voice emerged from her office.

“Jason? You’re home already?”

Slowly I put my bags down “Uhm, Yeah. Riley needed to leave early or something” I lied.
“Why do you sound so weird?” My mother said as I could hear her office chair turn on it’s axis around from the other side of the door.

I quickly pretended to have little cough as I mentally reprimanded myself for accidentally answering in my Emily voice. “I think I might be getting a cold, going to go to bed right away!” I yelled in my normal voice as I quickly made my way upstairs two steps at a time.

Arriving upstairs I saw the light shining on the wall before me getting brighter due to my mother opening the door to her office downstairs, the only place in the house with a light on currently. Luckily I had just made over the threshold so she couldn’t actually see me upstairs. Opening the door to my room I shouted down “Goodnight mom!” while slamming it back closed behind me.

I flopped down on my bed, elated about the fact that had managed to enter my room without being stopped. Letting all the stress flow out of body I rolled over to my side causing eyes to spot on of the posters I had hanging on my wall. Thinking for a second about what Riley had said to me I looked at the poster of my favorite StarCraft 2 player, ‘Scarlet’. She was transgender esports player, so I guess it wasn’t the craziest idea right? But if I were like that I would know right? “Ugh… Why does life have to be so complicated” I silently sighed to myself.

“Knock Knock” Feeling like a lightning bolt struck me in the lower stomach I jumped back up from my bed because of the sound of my mom knocking on the door. “Jason? I think you might have taken the wrong bags from the mall” the terror beyond the bedroom walls uttered to me while I could see the doorhandle slowly starting to go down.