Shame and Desire Chapter 35

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It was a long process of trying on bra after bra, finding the ones that fit and the ones that didn’t. To her surprise, Sierra wasn’t really bothered by being topless in front of the fitter anymore. She didn’t even close her eyes. The fitter had proven that she was a trustworthy person, and that she was only trying to help. There was no reason to be embarrassed or afraid around her.

Throughout the whole process, Sierra could tell the fitter knew she was trans. She never said anything about it, but she did treat Sierra as if wearing bras and having breasts were new things for her, when, for the average seventeen year old girl, they obviously shouldn’t be.

And even more obviously, it wasn’t as if the fitter was wrong.

At least she wasn’t condescending about it.

***

Sierra rubbed the back of her neck. “You know, I think I’m gonna go now.”

“Really?” The fitter asked. “I mean, I guess we did get a lot done. But are you sure that’s enough bras?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’m working on a limited budget here.”

“Fair.”

“Yeah, I also don’t have that much time right now.”

“People are always in such a rush these days.” The fitter said.

Sierra gave out a light chuckle. “Uh, yeah… goodbye, then.” She was about to turn around and leave before the fitter spoke again.

“Hey.” She said. “You’re not alone, you know. Most women are afraid to get bra fittings. Heck, I’m afraid to get them sometimes. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about it. You did very well.”

Sierra wasn’t sure how to respond to that statement. She suspected that this was the fitter’s way of saying she knew Sierra was trans without actually saying it. Or her way of giving her encouragement. Or both. Whatever it was, it was moderately helpful. Sierra already kind of guessed most women were afraid to get bra fittings, but it was still reassuring to actually hear it.

“Thank you.” Sierra said eventually. “For everything.”

“No problem.”

***

Elise was sitting on a bench as Sierra came walking toward her with a bag in her hand.

“I’m back.”

Elise looked up from her phone. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

“Yep, I got three bras.” Sierra opened the bag and showed it to Elise.

“Only black and white? What happened to being adventurous?” Elise asked sarcastically.

“Okay, you try saying you want a hot pink bra while you’re half naked in front of a stranger.”

“Now I’ve never done anything like that." Elise replied. "But if I wanted to I could.”

“I’d like to see it.” Sierra responded. “I want video proof too.”

"Pfft, like I need that." Elise remarked. "Everyone knows I'm the bold one in this relationship."

"You're the bold one?" Sierra questioned. "Did you ask me out or did I ask you out?"

"Well, of course you asked me out. You were a guy."

Immediately after saying that Elise shut her mouth and became worried, scared she said something wrong that would offend Sierra.

Sierra stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, then took a deep breath and finally started talking.

"I was a guy?" Sierra asked. "Not one of my better moments."

Elise giggled as the tension inside her was released.

***

Sierra and Elise went to pay for all the new clothes, which amounted to four sets of panties and three bras. Fortunately for them, their total price did not go over the amount of money they both had, and they were able to pay it off, no problem.

“How am I gonna wash all this?” Sierra asked as she walked away from the register.

“Like you did the sports bras. They weren’t a problem to wash.”

“Yeah but now we’re adding a lot more stuff.” Sierra pointed out. “It’s much easier to wash three things than seven.”

“Just think of it as another challenge to overcome.” Elise said. “You’ll figure it out.”

“I hope so.” Sierra said back.

***

The sun was shining harshly down onto the pavement outside the mall. The heat was almost unbearable. It was the kind of heat that made one sweat simply by walking.

Luckily, there was an unoccupied bench lying in the shade that could mask the rays of heat fairly well. Sierra let out a breath as soon as she sat on it.

“God, why do people even like the summer?” She asked.

“Obviously because school’s out.” Elise answered.

“Yeah but that’s kids. What about adults?”

“Well… maybe they’re just too used to thinking of summer as being ‘that time when school’s out’ and are still programmed to like it.”

“You really think that?” Sierra asked.

“I don’t know.” Elise replied. “I guess we’ll find out next year, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess we will.” Sierra said. “Can you believe we only have one more year of high school left? The beginning of freshman year felt like yesterday. How did it happen so fast?”

“I wish I knew. I don’t even know if I’m ready to graduate yet. To leave all my friends behind… it feels like too much.”

Sierra leaned in and put a hand on Elise’s shoulder. “You know, my father told me something about that that really helped me. He said that we’re all going to start our new lives, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to leave our close friends behind. We can still keep in touch, and these days with technology, it’s easier than ever. And hey, you don’t have to be ready to graduate right now. We still have another year left.”

It was after a few seconds of silence that Elise sighed. “Thanks… that, that was really helpful.”

“You’re welcome.” Sierra said. “And who knows? Maybe next year you’ll be begging to graduate.”

Elise laughed. “We’ll see about that.”

***

And so began the drive home.

As Sierra watched the roads and trees go by outside the car window, she had a smile on her face and a gleam in her eyes.

It was a good trip.

All that she did that day, she still had a hard time believing it. She went outside in public without a sweatshirt. She used the women’s bathroom. She bought panties and bras, with one of those sets of panties being pink no less. And most of all, she got professionally fitted for a bra.

From a logical perspective, all her accomplishments were rather mundane and insignificant. Not anything worth caring or celebrating about. But that wasn’t what they felt like.

When Sierra did those things, she felt like she was on top of the world. Like she could do anything and everything that life threw at her. It was thrilling. The kind of thrilling that made her hungry for more.

"If you don't do this today, you never will."

Sierra had been using that slogan ever since she first bought the sports bras a few months back. To say the slogan was helpful would be an understatement. Any time Sierra was too afraid, too nervous, or too lazy to do something, she'd simply think of that slogan. And then she’d find the motivation or courage to do it.

She didn't use it for everything, but she could always count on it when she needed. She could be sure it was always there to help her.

Now, Sierra had a new slogan. Given to her by Elise, it was a slogan that had also helped her many times in the past. And she intended to stand by it for as long as she could.

“Just take it one step at a time.”

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