I take a deep breath as I stand on my mark at the end of the street, flanked by four other young women the same age as me. We’re all dressed more or less the same- either loose summer dresses or (in my case at least) a floaty tank top and a short denim skirt, along with strappy summer sandals and thick make-up. I know I look gorgeous and I know I look effortlessly, perfectly feminine, but I’m still nervous- after all, there’s a lot riding on today, and the tiniest flaw in my look could ruin everything.

“Take one,” the director announces. “Action!” The girls and I all grin and giggle together as we slowly walk down the street, while a gentle guitar riff starts playing in the background. Seconds later, with the five of us still walking in time to the music, the guitar riff is joined by a slow bass rhythm and a drumbeat. And then, shortly after that, the lyrics begin.

“There she goes…” The soft male voice sings.
“There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains..."

As the song goes on, I gradually drift ahead of the rest of the group, dancing and skipping down the otherwise deserted road, giggling and playing with my hair until I reach where the band are playing, where I slowly make my way through them, gently resting my head on their shoulders and leaning in close to them before skipping toward the camera as the song eventually draws to an end.

“…Okay, cut,” the director says. “Reset, we’ll go for take two in a bit. Laura, guys, take a couple of minutes, get your breath back.”

“Thanks, Tony,” I say before skipping over to the side of the road, where a refreshments table has been set up- and, more importantly, where the rest of the band are gathered.

“Hey guys!” I giggle as I grab a bottle of water. “Good first take?”

“Yeah, it went well,” Mikey, the band’s lead guitarist, says with a grin. “Hopefully, my wife won’t get TOO angry at me for having a teenage girl drape herself all over me this morning.”

“Seeing as your wife choreographed the video AND cast Laura as the lead dancer, I think she can let you off this one time,” Ms. Fullerton- the same Ms. Fullerton who taught me ballet for five years (and just so happens to be Mikey’s wife) says with a grin as she gives me a gentle hug. “You were great out there, all of you. I reckon we might even nail this video in as few as four takes.”

“Yep,” Tony confirms. “You’re doing great work for people who’ve supposedly never been on camera before, heh!”

“Well, sort-of, anyway,” Jonathan, the band’s drummer, chuckles.

The reason for his ambiguity is no doubt due to the fact that three of the five members of the band- himself, Mikey and rhythm guitarist Stuart- are husbands of members of The Angels, and as such, are more than a little used to being on camera. More significantly from my perspective, though, is the fact that Jonathan is also the office manager of Heavenly Talent, with whom I have an interview on Friday afternoon, and appearing in this video and doing a professional job will make things go a LOT easier at said interview. And I have one very special friend, the band’s bassist, to thank for this opportunity.

“Hey you,” I purr at the nineteen-year-old man, who grins as I slide in close to him.

“Hey,” Ian replies with a boyish smirk. “You looked good out there.”

“Thanks,” I giggle girlishly. “You didn’t look too bad yourself, heh!”

“Yeah, well, don’t let your brother hear you say that,” Ian says, making me giggle again even as internally, I cringe.

Ever since separating from Kain, I’ve been on a few dates with boys (usually friends from college) and had the occasional bit of ‘fun’ with others. This Sunday just gone, I spent the morning at Ian’s house, where we both had a lot of ‘fun’- right up until Ricky showed up and nearly beat Ian to a pulp. And annoyingly, it’s not the first time he’s ‘interfered’ like that either. While the other boys are usually scared off by him, though, Ian was able to stand his ground, but even afterwards, we decided not to enter a relationship, even a casual one; instead preferring to keep the special friendship that’s grown between the two of us- special because just like me, he is a member of Jamie-Lee Burke’s ‘Fellowship’, and as such is very sympathetic to what girls like me (and boys like him) go through.

And no, just because he’s lacking ‘equipment’ (the same ‘equipment’ I can’t wait to get rid of), it doesn’t mean he isn't a great lover, making it all the more frustrating that we've decided our friendship would be better off not being 'with benefits'. And in recent weeks, I’ve definitely been needing ‘benefits’ more and more…

“Okay, on your marks everyone,” Tony announces, prompting me to cut my conversation with Ian short and head back up to the top of the road, where the other girls are waiting. We smile politely at each other as we wait for Tony to call ‘action’, but deep down, I can tell there’s some resentment there. Many of them are no doubt jealous that I beat them to the lead part in this video- and I’d be surprised if none of them are angry that they were beaten by someone they see as a boy. If they are, it’s their problem, not mine. I earned this music video through hard work, and I definitely earned the right to be a girl through hard work, and there’s nothing they or anyone else- especially Robert Fucking White- can do about that.

As Ms. Fullerton predicted, we only need another three takes before he wraps up filming for the day, with later afternoon gradually giving way to early evening. Even though it’s still light outside (it’s the middle of June so the Sun doesn’t set until after 9pm) it’s still the middle of the week, so we all decide to head back to our respective homes. The grin I’ve been wearing all day doesn’t leave my face as I slide onto the back seat of Stuart’s car alongside Ian, who I notice taking a very long look at my bare, slender legs as he fastens his seatbelt.

“Thanks for the lift home,” I say as I switch my phone back on.

“You’re very welcome, all three of you,” Stuart replies, earning derisive snorts from both Ian and the band’s lead singer Paul, who’s sat in the front passenger seat.

“Yes, yes, thanks,” Ian sighs. “Do you want any petrol money? Now that I’ve not got a massive lawsuit hanging over my head, heh.”

“It’s fine,” Stuart replies. “I’ll take it out of your cut of the massive amounts of money we’ll get when we upload the video to YouTube!”

“I hope some of that ‘massive amount’ will be heading my way?” I ask.

“Of course,” Stuart replies. “Minus the cut for your agent, anyway.”

“Who’d better enjoy you making money for him while it lasts!” Paul teases, making me giggle and blush.

“Yep,” Stuart concurs. “Doing a music video for the guy who’s actually interviewing you on Friday isn’t a bad way of impressing him, heh!”

“Thanks guys,” I say with a giggle. “Though if you want me for any future music videos, it does mean that my price will go up.”

“Money well spent,” Paul says with a nervous, awkward-sounding chuckle.

“In all seriousness, though,” Stuart says, “a lot of big actresses got their breaks in music videos. Alicia Silverstone's one, Courtney Cox is another.”

“And now Laura Whi- Laura Ruddock,” Ian says confidently, grimacing as he nearly accidentally uses my old, ‘dead’ surname- a particularly bad mistake for him given that he changed his own surname at the same time he abandoned his deadname. Fortunately, I know it was a slip of the tongue and nothing malicious, and the sympathetic smile I give him should hopefully set his mind at ease.

“No argument here,” Stuart says. “You back at college tomorrow, Laura?”

“Yep,” I say with an overdramatic sigh. “Deep in rehearsals for the college’s end of year production.” Not that I consider this a problem, though- I'm loving college more than ever, and yes, I do mean the work rather than the boys. If anything, the constant work I'm putting in for rehearsals has been a welcome distraction from my singleness. And my upcoming driving test. And my upcoming interview. And my weight (which is at least stable for now). And the other, biggest problem that's been following me around for seventeen and a half years...

“Well, save us a few tickets for opening night,” Stuart says with a smile.

“And we’ll save you a few tickets for our first match,” Paul says, reminding me of Saturday, when I went to see Sean and Ricky (and, as it transpired, Ian and one of his friends) try out for his amateur cricket team.

“More like ‘or we’ll save you a few tickets’,” Ian says, making me and Stuart laugh while Paul rolls his eyes and pouts.

“Don’t make me put 10CC on the stereo,” Paul grumbles.

“If you dare touch my stereo-“ Stuart threatens.

“BOYS,” I say, silencing the car as I immerse myself in my phone.

I’m the first to be dropped off at home a few minutes later, and I make sure to give gentle hugs to all three of the young men before heading into my house, and I can’t help but be amused at the difference in the three men’s demeanours as I hug them. Stuart’s hug is polite, as you’d expect from a married man hugging someone much younger than himself. Ian’s hug is more playful, as I’d expect from someone closer to my age (and who I've had sex with), but Paul… It’s hard to read him. On the one hand, he’s astonishingly attractive. He’s 6’ 1”, has the kind of body you’d expect from a 28-year-old fitness trainer who was very nearly a professional sportsman (even if that sport is cricket), a strong, masculine face and styled blond hair. On the other hand, he’s so shy it’s almost painful, almost like he has no idea what to do with his hands, his eyes or any other part of his body. I don’t know why, but I can’t help but find the combination of ‘body of a god’ and ‘shy as a kitten’ really attractive…

“Hi guys, I’m back,” I say as I walk through the front door.

“Hi,” Lily replies, not looking up from her videogame. “Mum and dad are in the kitchen getting dinner ready.”

“Thanks,” I reply, grinning at how quickly Lily has grown used to referring to my mother (her stepmother) as ‘mum’- almost as quickly as I’ve grown used to referring to Sean as ‘dad’. “Good day at school?”

“Meh,” Lily shrugs.

“That good, eh?” I chuckle.

"It's school," Lily retorts, to which I can only chuckle and nod. "Got ballet later, though. Ms. Fullerton's giving us ANOTHER pre-pointe test."

"Well, that's good, at least," I say. "Right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Lily says, making me frown.

"What's up?" I ask the twelve-year-old girl.

"Meh, I dunno," Lily replies. "I'm just, you know, a little nervous about this whole 'pointe' thing. Like, will it hurt?"

"At first, a bit," I reply. "You'll get used to it, though. It's the price we girls pay to be beautiful ballerinas, hehe!"

"Yeah," Lily says with a smile that I mirror. If Lily found it easy to think of my mum as her mum, it's nothing compared to the ease with which she accepted me as her sister- not stepsister, not even 'transgender' sister, just sister. If only all of my family could be as open-minded as a twelve-year-old girl...

“Hey guys,” I say as I leave Lily to her game and enter the kitchen.

“Ah, the big movie star returns!” Sean teases, making me roll my eyes. “Eating dinner with us today instead of at the Savoy, then?”

“Funny man,” I snort.

“How did the filming go today, Laura?” Mum asks, bringing the smile back to my face.

“It was okay,” I reply. “The choreography was easier than I expected, we got it done in just a few takes.”

“Well, you’ve always been a great dancer,” mum says with a proud grin that I mirror. “And it’ll look great on your CV ahead of the big interview on Friday!”

“Yep!” I say with a nervous giggle. “And the fact that the guy I’ll be interviewing with is the drummer of the band, heh!”

“Never too early to suck up to the boss,” Sean says with a smile. “As long as it’s only metaphorically.”

“Sean!” Mum and I protest simultaneously, before smirking as the middle-aged man sighs and shamefully averts his gaze.

“…I’m just worried, you know?” Sean says. “This whole ‘casting couch’, Harvey Weinstein thing…”

“Well, I’ve been assured that absolutely nothing like THAT goes on at Heavenly Talent,” I say. “And even if it did, I wouldn’t want any part of it. Seriously. Even if I have been single for months…”

“Yeah, well, you’re seventeen, so you’re not in any rush,” mum says, though the tone of her voice was less ‘helpful advice’ and more ‘direct order’.

“Meh, I guess,” I shrug. “And I guess this time next week, I’ll have an army of cute male models to choose from, hehe!” Needless to say, this doesn’t get a positive reaction from my parents.

“Just as long as you know you’re there to work and not just to flirt,” mum says, frowning as I roll my eyes. “Now come and give us a hand dishing up.” I force a smile onto my face as I help my parents finish preparing our evening meal.

After dinner, while Lily gets ready for ballet and mum and Sean watch TV, I head up to my bedroom to practise my lines for the play. As has become tradition whenever I do any form of coursework, this lasts for about fifteen minutes before I switch on my iPad and log in to Facebook, where I’m almost immediately drawn into a group chat.

‘Hey girlie!!!!!’ Nicole types.

‘Superstar girlie!’ Megan types, followed by several ‘film reel’ emojis.

‘Aww, you guys…’ I type, followed by ‘blushing’ and ‘giggling’ emojis.

‘Do you know when the video will be out?’ Ashley asks.

‘Dunno, probably early next month,’ I reply. ‘When I’ll hopefully have a new agent…’ Another ‘giggling’ emoji follows my message, which earns a lot of ‘sticking out tongue’ emojis in reply.

‘SO jealous!!!’ Suri types, and I can’t help but feel a little guilty- Suri is on the same course as me, after all, and we’re getting around the same grades, but I’m the one who got the interview with Heavenly Talent. I have agreed, however, to put in a good word for her if I do get signed, just as I know she’d have done for me if our places were reversed.

‘She’s more jealous that you got to hang out with the band,’ Priya types, earning ‘angry’ and ‘middle finger’ emojis from her sister in reply.

‘UGH, straight people…’ Harriet types with a ‘shaking head’ emoji.

‘Do NOT start kissing Mia!’ Nicole types followed by several ‘angry’ emojis.

‘She’s AFK at the moment anyway,’ Harriet types. ‘Doing something with her family.’

‘And you weren’t invited?’ Ashley types with a ‘rolling eyes’ emoji.

‘Nope,’ Harriet types, followed by the same emoji as Ashley. ‘Still don’t think they take us two seriously, and no prizes for guessing why.’

‘Ugh, homophobes,’ Nicole types, earning ‘nodding’ emojis from all of us in the chat.

‘And speaking of AFK,’ Priya types, ‘I thought you were helping out at Ms. Fullerton’s class tonight?’

‘Not at pointe or pre-pointe class,’ Nicole replies. ‘Not yet anyway. Don’t think Madame Renou-Briggs has forgiven me yet for what happened to my ankle. But maybe when the new school opens in September I’ll get to help out more.’

‘Fwiw Cassie really likes you being in her class,’ Ashley types. ‘Are you doing dance again next year for A2 level?’

‘If I get a good enough grade,’ Nicole replies. ‘Hopefully I’ll get to do exercise and fitness too.’

‘Maybe you should be signing for Heavenly Talent as well?’ Megan types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘Maybe,’ Nicole replies with the same emoji. ‘But they own a gym as well, don’t they? Laura, are the same guys from the band the same guys who run the gym?’

‘One of them is the singer,’ I reply.

‘Is he hot?’ Nicole asks, predictably earning ‘eye rolling’ emojis from Harriet and Ashley.

‘He’s not bad looking, I guess,’ I reply. Fully clothed, anyway, I think to myself. ‘Used to go out with Hannah Dexter.’

‘!!!!!’ Nicole types. ‘Someone who dates her must be better than just ‘not bad looking’!’

‘We know where Nicole’s doing work experience this summer then,’ Ashley types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that makes me giggle.

‘I haven’t decided that yet,’ Nicole retorts. ‘I’d prefer to do it at Ms. Fullerton’s summer school though.’

‘Yeah, I miss that place too,’ Suri types.

‘You could always join the adult class?’ Priya suggests.

‘Not the same,’ Suri types. ‘Adult class is all ages and all skill levels, it’d be like starting again from scratch. And our college has a great ballet club anyway.’

‘It does,’ I confirm, before smirking as I get a notification that another friend has just signed in. I minimise the group chat for now and open up another chat window with my newly arrived friend.

‘Hey Ian!’ I type, followed by several ‘smiling’ emojis.

‘Hey Laura,’ Ian replies. ‘Great seeing you this afternoon, you were really good today.’

‘Thanks,’ I type, accompanied by a ‘smug’ emoji that matches my real-life facial expression. ‘You weren’t bad either, strumming away on your guitar!’

‘Yeah, but no one looks at the bassist on a music video,’ Ian types. ‘That’s what Stuart and Mikey say anyway. Suits me though.’

‘Just means more camera time for me,’ I type with another smug emoji that gets a ‘smiling’ one in reply.

‘Suits me fine,’ Ian types. ‘You up to much this evening?’

‘Not really,’ I reply, before grinning devilishly. ‘Need me to drop round again?’ My grin widens as Ian replies to my ‘winking’ emoji with a ‘blushing’ emoji. Just because our friendship doesn't come with 'benefits' doesn't mean I can't tease or flirt every now and again.

‘Probably not a good idea as the guys are all here tonight for a gaming session,’ Ian types.

‘I know when I’m not wanted,’ I type with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji.

‘Nah, it’s not like that,’ Ian types. ‘It’s just that you probably wouldn’t want to be stuck in a room with five sweaty guys playing video games all evening.’

‘Maybe if you stopped typing after the word ‘guys’,’ I reply with a ‘winking’ emoji that clearly makes Ian pause, as it takes him several seconds to start typing again.

‘Lee says thanks for making his VR headset smell all perfumey btw,’ Ian types, to which I reply with a ‘giggling’ emoji-after Ricky ruined the mood on Sunday, I hung around with Ian for a while longer and had a go on his friend's virtual reality PlayStation, which was fun, but definitely not as fun as what we were doing immediately beforehand.

‘Yw,’ I type with yet another ‘smug’ emoji. ‘I’ll let you get back to your gaming and sweating, just wanted to say hi to see how you were.’

‘Thanks,’ Ian types. ‘Talk soon!’

‘Before you go,’ I type, ‘Do you have any contact details for the rest of the band? I’ve got Stuart on my Facebook as we’re both in the Fellowship but I’d kinda like to connect with the others as well.’

‘Sure,’ Ian types.’ I’m friends with all of them on here, you can find them on my friends list easily enough.’

‘Thanks,’ I type with a ‘smiling’ emoji. ‘Talk soon!’ I also smile in real life as I browse through Ian’s friend list and click ‘add friend’ for Paul, Jonathan and Mikey, before turning my attention back to the group chat.

‘Hopefully her parents won’t be as much of a pain for her birthday at the end of the month,’ Harriet types, obviously referring to her still-absent girlfriend.

‘Well we’ll just have to make sure her party is amazing, won’t we?’ Nicole asks to unanimous agreement. ‘Though I guess we’ll have to leave our boyfriends at home for that one.’

‘Good guess,’ Harriet types with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that makes me laugh, though as Mia’s birthday is only two and a half weeks away, the chances of me actually having a boyfriend by then are pretty slim…

The chat lasts until long after 10pm, none of us wanting to go to bed in the summer heat, but eventually my tiredness catches up with me and I change into my soft, loose nightdress before climbing under my sheets. Before closing my eyes, though, I check my phone again to see if any of the band have accepted my friend request yet. Much to my surprise, both Mikey and Jonathan have, the latter making me feel particularly optimistic about my interview on Friday. No reply from Paul yet, though…

My alarm wakes me just after 7am the following morning, and even though I enjoy college, it still feels like a bit of a comedown after yesterday’s fun filming. Nonetheless, after breakfast, I still have a smile on my face as I shower, apply a very light layer of make-up (we’re doing dress rehearsals today so I’ll be wearing stage make-up anyway) before pulling on a floaty cami top, a tight black miniskirt and one of my favourite pairs of low-heeled wedges. After dropping Lily off at my old school, Sean drives me straight to my college, where I am as always greeted by my petite Indian friend at the main entrance.

“Hey Laura!” Suri says with a giggle as we exchange a gentle hug. “You’re actually acting with us today, then? Not been snapped up by any big movie studio or some-“

“Yes, yes, very funny,” I interrupt, making my friend giggle again, before also giggling myself. “Ah, but seriously, though, it IS a bit of a comedown, you know?”

“Well, I will if I ever get MY face on camera,” Suri retorts, making me grimace and blush.

“Ah- yeah, sorry…” I mumble.

“What’s there to be sorry about?” Suri asks with a giggle. “You went for a role and got it, acting’s, you know, a competitive industry. Can’t fault you for making contacts, right?”

“I guess,” I chuckle.

“Including the boss of Heavenly Talent itself,” Suri teases, making me blush again. “Don’t deny it, I saw your friends list get bigger last night!”

“…Maybe,” I reply with a smug smile that makes my friend roll her eyes.

“Well, either way, I am pleased for you,” Suri says. “Just don’t forget who your friends are when you’re living it up in Hollywood!”

“Ah, like I ever would?” I reply, making Suri giggle as I give her a gentle hug en route to our first class.

Fortunately, I know that Suri knows me well enough to know that I am sincere when I say I’ll never get ‘too big for my boots’, especially where the Excellent Eight are concerned. Ashley’s recent troubles with her ‘fake friends’ have taught me just how precious true friends are, and that I should never take them for granted, especially after the love they’ve shown me over the last six years. Even if I do become a famous Hollywood actress, I’ll never abandon my seven best friends. Even if I only become famous in Britain, I’ll never abandon my seven best friends. Even if I find a boy I truly love…

After half an hour in the classroom, Suri and I head to the college’s changing rooms, where we change into the costumes we’ll be wearing both today and for the play proper. Even though I’ve been here nine months, I still grin every time I enter the changing rooms and start undressing like there was nothing amiss- which, of course, there isn’t. Despite the initial ‘friction’ with Melanie and her morons during my first few days in the college, my presence in the girls’ changing rooms quickly became seen as normal. This is a room where teenage girls get changed, and I am a teenage girl, end of story. But still, this ‘unspoken acceptance’ still puts a smile on my face, especially after five years of having to change by myself at school.

Of course, back then I was changing into either a pair of shorts and a t-shirt or into a gymnastics leotard- I certainly never wore anything like this at school! The play we’re doing for the end of the school year is one written from scratch by Mr. Irwin and is, in his words, a cross between ‘The Hunger Games’ and ‘Batman’ with traces of ‘Black Mirror’ thrown in for good measure. The plot is that in the play’s world, the ruling elite have forced street gangs to fight for their own amusement, but now the street gangs have united and are fighting back. Both Suri and I have landed roles with a good number of lines each- and very exciting costumes too!

As I glance over at Suri, I can’t help but feel a little bit jealous of her costume and her role. As she’s one of the ‘elites’, her costume is very refined and expensive looking- a slinky, knee-length black cocktail dress on top of what I’m told is an uncomfortable corset, smart shoes with an extra high stiletto heel, a fake fur stole and opera gloves, along with very demure make-up and an elaborate updo hairstyle. Suri looks effortlessly elegant and feminine in her costume, and while my costume is certainly feminine, it most definitely isn’t elegant.

Instead of a cocktail dress, I’m wearing a threadbare tiger print one-piece swimsuit underneath a pair of equally tired-looking denim shorts. Instead of stilettos, I’m wearing torn fishnet tights and a pair of girly blue trainers. Instead of a stole, I’m wearing a faux leather jacket covered in badges and patches, and instead of opera gloves, I’m wielding a very nasty-looking chain (that is, of course, made of Styrofoam). Needless to say, I’m on the side of the street gangs! It’s a costume that’s undeniably sexy and feminine, and yet I can’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable. The trainers on my feet are the only non-heeled shoes of any of the girls in the play, and while I’m told it’s for practical purposes due to my height (at 5’ 9” I’m easily the tallest girl in the cast), the fact is that I wouldn’t be this tall if it wasn’t for my ‘faulty genes’. The irony, of course, is that because my puberty was suppressed for so long by anti-androgens, I spent several months as the shortest girl among my friends, and when I finally had my growth spurt, I was elated. Now… Not so much. Also, while Mr. Irwin didn’t explicitly say anything, I’m convinced the reason I’m wearing the multiple layers of the swimsuit, the tights and especially the shorts is to keep me ‘under control’, even though the anti-androgens have also left hardly anything to 'control'. From my months of learning about the theory of theatre production, I know that costumes have to be as practical as they are ‘showy’, but while I understand that it must be ‘practical’, it still makes me frown that it needs to be ‘practical’ in the first place. The one relief is that I’m told I don’t need a corset to create a feminine ‘shape’…

Fortunately, any discomfort I have with the costume fades once I’m wearing my extra-thick stage make-up- pale foundation, extra-thick mascara and dark red lipstick- and my long blonde hair is tied into wild, messy braids. When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is an undeniably sexy seventeen year old girl, and when we emerge from the changing room, the gazes of the boys in the cast immediately give away the fact that they agree too. If ever I need my confidence boosted, all I need to do is take a look at the nearest boy and the way he's inevitably looking at my body. Knowing that even one person looks at me and sees a sexy girl (and it definitely helps if he's sexy too) is as big a help as any counselling session, and this costume is definitely getting me looks. Though oddly enough, I find myself preferring yesterday's plainer costume...

“Hi boys…” I purr to the boys cast as part of the ‘street gang’, making most of them chuckle and even making some of them blush as I approach and we start reading through our scenes. The fact that my swimsuit is really low cut certainly doesn’t hurt either…

“Okay,” Mr. Irwin announces, ending our revision session almost as it starts. “We’re going to run through the whole play, off book, from the top. Street leaders, that means you’re up first.” I smile as I and the other ‘gang leaders’ head up onto the stage and take our marks.

“We’ve been pushed down for too long,” my classmate Sean- or, as he’s known today, ‘Blood’- says.

“Treated like dirt by those who won’t even give us basic dignity,” my classmate Dannii- or rather, ‘Needle’- says.

“It’s time we fight back,” my classmate Craig- or rather, ‘Pyro’ says.

“It’s time we take what’s rightfully ours,” I- or rather, ‘Chain’ says. And god knows I’ve worked hard to claim the femininity that’s rightfully mine, I think to myself.

The run-through of the play goes well, and just after 12:30 we’re excused to go and get some lunch, attracting more than a little attention from the diners in the cafeteria as we walk through in our costumes and make-up!

“Okay, now THAT was cool,” Phoebe (who was playing one of the ‘elites’) says as we sit down at our usual table with our meals.

“Totally,” Rachel giggles. “Even if I did have to walk through the cafeteria dressed as a French maid.” I giggle along with Suri and Phoebe as Rachel gestures to her costume- she’s playing one of the servants of the 'elites' who later on in the play defects to ‘my’ side.

“Lucky you,” I tease, earning an eye roll from my friend.

“Oh please,” Rachel snorts. “Like your costume ISN’T cooler? And sexier? And like you weren’t wearing an even cooler costume yesterday afternoon?”

“Ah- well, yeah…” I giggle as I brush my messy braids out of my face. “That wasn’t, you know, a ‘costume’, though, that was just, like, clothes.”

“You still wore it on camera, though,” Rachel reminds me. “More than I’ll do with this, heh.”

“And why would you want to wear a maid’s outfit, anyway?” Phoebe asks me- and this question is easy for me to answer.

“Because I’ve never worn one before,” I reply, before letting out a tired sigh. “I- I still have a lot of lost time to make up for, you know? In being a girl?”

“You’ve been a girl for six years,” Suri reminds me.

“Exactly,” I say. “ONLY six years. Not even half my life. I want to, you know, experience everything every girl experiences. Everything that I can, anyway.”

“Most girls DON’T experience wearing a maid’s outfit,” Rachel says.

“You are,” I retort with a shrug.

“Laura, seriously,” Suri says with a sigh that I echo- this is a conversation we’ve had plenty of times before. “After six years you really have nothing to worry about girl-wise. Literally nobody thinks you’re even slightly boyish.”

“You know THAT’s not true,” I snort as I await the inevitable retort that's become so familiar.

“Well, anyone who does IS a nobody,” Phoebe says. “So literally only nobodies think you’re boyish.”

“I would honestly kill for a body like yours,” Rachel says, making me roll my eyes.

“What, ALL of it?” I ask.

“You can get an operation for THAT, right?” Rachel asks.

“And you’ve told us you’re going to get it as soon as possible,” Suri reminds me.

“So once you’re, well, ‘done’,” Rachel says, “you’re going to have a 5’ 9” model’s body, a cute face and you’ll have every straight guy in London drooling down your cleavage.”

“Cleavage that you can see more of than the three of us put together,” Suri reminds me as I adjust my swimsuit. “I’d settle for just being as tall as you.” I grimace as I suddenly feel guilty for sulking about my height- at 5' 1", Suri has the opposite 'problem'.

“…Okay, fine,” I sigh. “Sorry for bringing it up…”

“No, I get that it must be hard at times,” Rachel says. “You know, being in the wrong body? It’s something that, like, I’ll never really understand.”

“It’s okay,” I shrug. “And some days are better than others, heh. Ugh, I dunno why it’s so bad today, maybe I- maybe I’m just stressed about the interview, I dunno.”

“God, I bet!” Phoebe chuckles. “If I had an interview with a place like Heavenly Talent, I wouldn’t be able to even sleep or eat, heh!” …And thanks for reminding me I’ve suffered with bulimia too, I think to myself as my stomach starts to grumble.

“Yeah,” I say with a forced chuckle.

“I think what Phoebe’s saying is that she wants you to put in a good word for us,” Rachel says, making me giggle.

“Well, I- I kinda have to get in first myself,” I chuckle.

“Don’t think that’ll be a problem somehow,” Phoebe says with a supportive grin as was eat our lunches.

The rest of the afternoon is spent rehearsing different scenes from the play, which gives those of us in the cast very little time to chat and relax, but the college day eventually ends with us heading back to the dressing room to remove our make-up and costumes. However, rather than change back into the clothes we wore to college, Suri and I instead change into a different costume- the black leotard, pink tights and soft ballet slippers that make up the uniform of the college’s ballet club.

After untying my elaborate braids and retying my hair into a severe ballerina’s bun, I follow the rest of the girls into the dance studio, where I begin my warm-ups at the barre. As I stretch, I muse on how the clothes I’m wearing now are no less ‘controlling’ than the swimsuit and the shorts I wore in rehearsals, and yet I don’t feel even slightly as self-conscious as I did. Perhaps it’s because as I look around, I can see that all the other girls in the room are dressed identically to me- that despite my height ‘advantage’ (once again, I’m the tallest girl in the room), I blend in effortlessly with all the other ballerinas. Or maybe it’s because the three boys in the room are all dressed conspicuously differently to us girls, and all three of them have smiles on their faces as they look at us girls- myself included…

Despite being tired after a whole day of rehearsals, I still put maximum effort into my dancing, especially during the pas de deux practice where the male dancers are all too eager to place their hands all over my body. Needless to say, this puts a smile on my face that lasts until the end of the class, and that my friend immediately picks up on as we head back to the changing room to free our feet from our stiff pointe shoes.

“Feeling a little better, then?” Suri asks with a sly grin.

“Dunno what you mean,” I reply semi-truthfully.

“Oh come on,” Suri pleads. “You were all down at lunch, and now you won’t stop smiling? I get that you do get down at times, and I do get why, I’m just happy that, you know, you’re feeling better now.”

“Meh, maybe a bit,” I shrug, before giggling. “…Yeah, okay. Ugh, I dunno. Maybe I’m just oversensitive.”

“You’re a girl, you’re allowed to be sensitive,” Suri says, making me giggle again. “Though I did notice that your moves improved a LOT during pas de deux…”

“I was being pawed at by three very fit guys,” I retort. “What girl wouldn’t like that? Well, apart from Harriet, Mia or Ash, hehe!”

“Meh, Mia’s bisexual, so she still might,” Suri chuckles. “Though I do remember when you hated ANY boy touching you, even your boyfriend.”

“Only if I’m not expecting it,” I say. “If I want a boy to touch me, he’d better damn well touch me, hehe!”

“Yeah…” Suri says awkwardly. “You know there- there are rumours going around the college, and- and I’m not saying I believe them, but when we came out of the changing room, you, umm, kinda-“

“Meh, rumours are just that- rumours,” I shrug. Even if some of them ARE true, I think to myself. “So I like flirting, there’s no harm in that, right?”

“…Fair enough,” Suri shrugs.

“Though I won’t lie, I AM missing Kain a bit more than usual,” I sigh. “Four months of being single is four too many, as far as I’m concerned.”

“Well, it’s not like you can’t take your pick of any of the boys in college,” Suri says.

“…Maybe not ALL of them,” I chuckle. “Ugh, I dunno. You’ve told me in the past I should enjoy being single. Kinda hard to do that without a boyfriend, heh.”

“Well, just make sure you get a NICE boyfriend,” Suri advises.

“Are there really any NICE boys?” I ask, sharing a giggle with my friend as we pull our street clothes back on and head out to the college car park, where Sean is waiting for us.

“Hi girls,” Sean says as I climb onto the passenger seat while Suri slides onto the back seat. “Good day at college?”

“Meh, not bad,” I reply with a shrug. “Did a full dress rehearsal today, that was fun.”

“I can’t wait to see the full play,” Sean chuckles. “Last time I did any acting was in a nativity play when I was five, heh. I played one of the wise men.”

“Umm, okay…” I say, trying not to feel embarrassed by my stepfather’s attempts to be relevant.

“Is Lily not into acting?” Suri asks.

“Not really,” Sean replies. “She likes her ballet, though. She keeps talking about those heavy toe shoes you wear. THAT’s an extra expense I’m looking forward to, heh!”

“Yeah, well, Laura will be rolling in acting and modelling money before too long, so she can always help out,” Suri teases, making me roll my eyes.

“I won’t be making THAT much money,” I snort.

“And it’d be kinda bad of me to ask for help for that, anyway,” Sean says. “Though you’ll still be paying more board. You know, for other, less important things, like food, water, electricity, that stuff.”

“Yes, yes,” I sigh.

“Ah, the joys of almost being an adult,” Sean chuckles as I feel my embarrassment grow even higher. “On the plus side, you’ll at least be doing a job you love, heh. Not everyone can say that.”

“Well- true, I guess,” I shrug. “And work with people I like, too. For now, anyway.”

“Even better,” Sean says, making me smile as I switch my phone on and check Facebook, where I grin when I see that every member of the band has now accepted my friend request.

After dropping Suri off, we head straight home, where after a quick dinner, I head up to my bedroom to do some coursework and go over my lines, but as always, college work goes out of the window within twenty minutes when I log in to Facebook on my iPad. As usual, I’m drawn into a group chat with the Excellent Eight, but today I’m also contacted by someone unexpected.

‘Hi Laura,’ Jonathan Benedict- the drummer from yesterday’s band and the man who’ll be interviewing me on Friday- types.

‘Hi!’ I reply with a ‘smiling’ emoji that I pray doesn’t come across as too familiar.

‘Wasn’t sure you should be adding your potential boss on Facebook,’ Jonathan types, making me shiver with nerves. ‘Then my wife reminded me that we do kinda know each other already!’ I smile as I suddenly remember that Jonathan’s wife is Viks Benedict, nee Viks Brooks, aka ‘older sister of my first boyfriend’. Or ‘older sister of my worst boyfriend’, I think to myself with a frown as I remember the last time Phil and I spoke.

‘Well, kinda,’ I type, hesitating as I ponder whether to add a ‘winking’ or a ‘smiling’ emoji, before ultimately sending the message emoji-free.

‘I won’t play favourites on Friday, though,’ Jonathan says with a ’smiling’ emoji of his own. ‘But thought I should say hi anyway to say thanks for yesterday, Stu and Ian were right, you were really natural in front of the camera.’

‘Remember that on Friday, please?’ I type, earning a ‘laughing’ emoji in reply.

‘It’s in your portfolio, don’t worry,’ Jonathan replies. ‘Anyway, can’t stay long, heading out for dinner with Viks’s family tonight. Nothing special, just a family meal.’ Before I know what’s happening, my thumbs immediately start composing a message.

‘Will Phil be there?’ I ask, groaning with frustration immediately after I press ‘send’.

‘Viks’s creepy little brother?’ Jonathan asks, making me smirk. ‘Wait, you guys used to go out, didn’t you?’

‘Briefly, yeah,’ I type, hoping my ‘rolling eyes’ emoji lets Jonathan know that the memory of the relationship isn’t a pleasant one.

‘He’ll probably be there, yeah,’ Jonathan types. ‘I can tell him you asked after him if you’d like?’ Okay, maybe the emoji didn’t work, I think to myself as I squirm and grimace.

‘I’d prefer it if you didn’t,’ I reply. ‘Kind of a bit too much baggage there if you know what I mean.’

‘Fair enough,’ Jonathan types. ‘I think I remember Viks saying she had to give Phil a bollocking once for the way he spoke to a girl, I’m guessing that girl was you?’

‘Yep,’ I reply, smirking at the memory of Viks yelling at Phil after we were both in a play together.

‘Well, really got to go now before Viks bollocks me,’ Jonathan types, which I reply to with a ‘giggling’ emoji. ‘I’ll see you on Friday. Maybe even see you twice if everything goes well?’ I frown in confusion at Jonathan’s used of the word ‘twice’, as everything I’ve read about Heavenly Talent and heard first-hand from people like Alice tells me that the agency is about as ethically sound as it gets- no ‘Harvey Weinstein’ moments, so for Jonathan to proposition me like this is completely out of the blue, especially for someone like Jonathan, who I know is happily married. He IS fit, though, and much taller than me, so if he is asking me what I think he's asking me... I'd be a fool to say 'no'.

‘I can probably make it twice on Friday, yep,’ I type with a ‘winking’ emoji.

‘Your brother will be pleased to hear that,’ Jonathan types, making me screw up my face in confusion. The way he’s been acting recently, ‘pleased’ is the last thing I’d expect Ricky to be at the thought of me and one of his friends together, especially a married man.

‘Umm, why does Ricky need to know?’ I ask.

‘Umm, because it’s his birthday?’ Jonathan replies, making me cringe even harder as my face turns red. Of course it’s Ricky’s birthday on Friday. Mum’s even reminded me of it several times over the last few weeks, but between college, work and the interview, I’d completely forgotten about it. I haven’t even bought him a present yet…

‘Yeah,’ I type hastily.

‘Had you forgotten it was your brother’s birthday?’ Jonathan asks with a ‘grinning’ emoji. ‘I thought it was only guys who did that?’ Despite the fact that Jonathan might soon be my boss, I still reply to his ‘grinning’ emoji with an ‘eye rolling’ emoji.

‘I’ve had a lot on my mind lately,’ I type. ‘I’m being interviewed by one of the biggest agencies in the UK on Friday?’

‘Fair enough,’ Jonathan types with a ‘chuckling’ emoji. ‘I’ll let you get back to being distracted. What did you think I meant, though? That your brother doesn’t need to know?’ Shit, I think to myself as I hastily wrack my brains.

‘I thought you meant you’d be giving me work straight after the interview,’ I type, hoping this excuse will be good enough.

‘Not usually, but okay,’ Jonathan types, and I can immediately tell that he doesn't believe me, but thankfully isn't going to make any more of it. ‘I’ll talk to you on Friday. See ya!’

‘Bye,’ I type, letting out a long sigh as Jonathan logs out. Not only have I just potentially embarrassed myself in front of my future boss, but I’ve also got to shell out for a birthday present for my brother too. And worst of all, I had the promise of sex with a really hot guy dangled in front of me, only to be cruelly snatched away…

I spend the next hour and a bit alternating between practising my lines and chatting with the rest of the Excellent Eight, but both of those things go by the wayside when I spot a new name logging into Facebook messenger. I waste no time in composing a message to my new friend- after Jonathan got my hopes up only to dash them, hopefully Paul will be a little more 'interested'.

‘Hi Paul,’ I type to the blond-haired singer/fitness instructor with a ‘smiling’ emoji.

‘Hey,’ Paul replies. I pause as I wait for another message to come through, but after a whole minute passes I realise that this is all I'm going to get from him. Okay… I think to myself as I compose another message.

‘Was great meeting you and the guys yesterday,’ I type. ‘You’re a really great singer.’

‘Thanks,’ Paul types, making me frown in frustration again, though the frown fades when I see Paul typing another message- albeit one that takes over two minutes to come through to me. ‘Do you do much singing? On your course, I mean.’

‘Not as much as I’d like,’ I reply. ‘There are better singers on my course, and I prefer acting and dancing anyway.’

‘Cool,’ Paul types, leading to another awkward pause.

‘So, how did you get into cricket?’ I ask.

‘I’ve loved it as long as I can remember,’ Paul replies. ‘I used to play with my dad in the park, then he took me to see England vs the West Indies in 2000 and I got hooked ever since then. I actually had a trial with Surrey but didn’t quite make it.’ Okay, I think. So you CAN talk to women, even if it’s just about sport…

‘How did you get into singing?’ I ask.

‘Stuart and Mikey formed a band and I can’t play any instruments,’ Paul bluntly replies. Yet again, I wait for Paul to say more, and yet again, my wait is in vain.

‘Well you sound great, from what I heard yesterday,’ I type with a ‘smiling’ emoji that Paul at least reciprocates. ‘Are you doing anything tonight?’

‘Just reviewing a few personal training plans for some of our clients at the gym,’ Paul replies. ‘Dan usually does that but he’s kinda got his hands full right now!’

‘Lol,’ I type, before biting my lip as I carefully consider the wording of my next message. ‘How about tomorrow evening?’

‘The same, probably,’ Paul replies. ‘Why are you asking?’ I’m very glad you asked, I think to myself as I grin devilishly.

‘Just wondered if you fancied meeting up to chat face to face?’ I ask. ‘Maybe get a coffee after college?’

‘I dunno,’ Paul types. ‘Do you mean like a date?’

‘If you want,’ I reply with a ‘winking’ emoji.

‘I dunno,’ Paul repeats. ‘Aren’t you 17?’

‘So?’ I ask.

‘I’m over 10 years older than you,’ Paul replies. ‘And Ricky’s a mate, it wouldn’t be right if you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.’

‘Ricky doesn’t need to know,’ I type with a ‘winking’ emoji. ‘Come onnnnnn! Where’s the harm in a little fun?’

‘Okay, I guess,’ Paul replies, making my whole body tingle with anticipation. ‘Is there a coffee shop near your college where we can meet?’

‘I’ll send you the directions,’ I reply, finding the coffee shop nearest our college on Google and forwarding the directions to Paul. ‘Really looking forward to seeing you again!’

‘Yeah, me too,’ Paul replies after a long pause. ‘I kinda need to get back to my work, though?’

‘Sure,’ I type. ‘See you tomorrow!’ I end the message with several ‘kissing’ emojis that hopefully gets my intended message across. I grin expectantly as I turn my attention back to the group chat, where it seems my absence has been noticed.

‘Earth to Laura?’ Nicole types. ‘Anyone there?’

‘Yeah, sorry, was talking to someone else, I reply. ‘What’s up?’

‘Well, who were you talking to, for starters?’ Ashley asks with a ‘sticking out tongue’ emoji that I reply to with a ‘rolling eyes’ emoji.

‘It’s too hot to wear tights on my legs never mind my head!’ I reply, grimacing and blushing as I await the inevitable responses from my friends.

‘And we all know what THAT means, don’t we?’ Nicole asks as I roll my eyes both in emoji form and in real life.

‘Laura’s got a boyfriend…’ Ashley types, replying to my ‘angry’ emoji with a ‘giggling’ one.

‘He’s not a boyfriend yet,’ I type. ‘We’re just seeing each other tomorrow after college, that’s all.’ Though I’m not sure yet exactly how much of each other, I think to myself.

‘Who is he?’ Suri asks. ‘Does he go to college with us?’

‘No, he’s someone I met online,’ I half-lie. ‘And yes, we’ve spoken face-to-face so there’s no need to worry about THAT.’

‘Well, cool,’ Megan types. ‘Good to see you’re finally getting over Kain.’

‘Oh I am WELL over Kain,’ I type, even though I know this isn’t exactly true.

As insensitive as he could be, Kain was pretty close to the ideal boyfriend- tall, sexy, very ‘eager to please’ (a little TOO eager sometimes) and utterly besotted with me. Okay, he could be a little shy sometimes and a little over-obsessed with his favourite sport, but that describes most boys. It even describes Paul- just replace basketball with cricket and you’ve got an 11 years older version of Kain. Which should at least mean he’s more experienced with women. I will admit, though, there are times I miss cuddling up next to Kain, and while some of the boys I've dated have been 'fun', there’s only so much ‘fun’ you can have before you just want to find someone you can cuddle up next to. Though it IS summer, I AM seventeen, and there’s plenty more ‘fun’ to be had yet…

‘Good,’ Megan types.

‘Especially as it means we can move the conversation on from BOYS!’ Mia types, earning ‘cheering’ emojis from everyone else.

‘What we were asking while you were distracted,’ Ashley types, ‘is where you want to go for our big beach trip this summer?’

‘Didn’t we already agree on Brighton?’ I ask.

‘Yeah, unless anyone has any other suggestions,’ Priya types.

‘Well, I don’t,’ I type. ‘Brighton works fine for me. Are we still going the weekend after AngelCon?’

‘Works for me,’ Ashley replies.

‘Yep, me too,’ Suri types. ‘This summer is going to be AWESOME!’

‘Totally,’ I type. It’ll be even more awesome if I have a nice, hunky guy to cuddle up to…

With it being a weekday, I head to bed just after 10:30pm, leaving the chat while it’s still in progress, though I do check to see whether Paul’s online before climbing under my sheets, only switching off my iPad once I see that he’s offline. As I drift off to sleep, I can’t help but feel giddy with excitement about tomorrow- all the boys I’ve ‘been’ with so far have been precisely that- boys. Teenagers who have hardly any ‘experience’ and barely know what to do with a woman. When I think about it, I realise that Ian is actually the oldest guy I’ve ever been with, and even though he’s just two years older than me, and despite his ‘obvious advantage’ when it comes to women, even he doesn’t know everything. Paul, on the other hand, almost certainly will do. Maybe I’ll develop a taste for older men…

Unsurprisingly, I'm awake before my alarm goes off the following day, and after a quick breakfast and shower, I head back upstairs to carefully consider my outfit for the day. Even though we’re doing dress rehearsals again today, the promise of this afternoon means that I take a lot more care with my look. Instead of a floaty top, I opt for a stretchy, white cap-sleeved bodysuit with a thong back, and instead of a denim skirt, I choose a short black bodycon skirt that shows off all of my fledgling curves. I swap yesterday’s wedges for a pair of sandals with a chunky 3” heel, and spray on a cloud of my favourite perfume. Before I head out, I make sure to put my travel make-up kit in my handbag, along with a small tube of lubricant and a couple of condoms- for obvious reasons. I have a sly smile on my face as I head down to Sean’s car, where he and my sister are waiting for me. My smile doesn't fade when my stepfather almost immediately picks up on it.

“Looking forward to today, then?” Sean asks.

“Hmm?” I reply as I get my phone out of my bag. “Umm, yeah, we’re doing more dress rehearsals again, should be cool.”

“The real question should be, are you looking forward to tomorrow?” Sean asks with a chuckle.

“What, the interview?” I ask. “Yeah, I kinda am, heh. I actually spoke to the guy who’ll be doing the interview last night, helped, you know, ease the nerves a little.”

“I was actually thinking of your brother’s birthday,” Sean says. “But I get why you’re focussing on the interview as well, heh!”

“Ah- yeah…” I grimace as I formulate a plan in my mind. I haven’t actually told my parents yet that I’ll be seeing Paul after college, and this presents a great opportunity… “I- I kinda still need to get Ricky a present, so I’ll be going shopping after college, so I might be a bit later home than usual.”

“Oh, okay,” Sean says. “Do you need to borrow any money, for a present or a bus home? Borrowing rather than giving as you’ll be rolling in it from tomorrow onwards, anyway?” I roll my eyes as Sean chuckles at his own joke.

“…Maybe a tenner,” I say with a smile.

“Can I have ten quid too, please?” Lily asks from the back seat.

“You’ve already bought a present for your brother,” Sean reminds the young girl, once again making me smile as he refers to Ricky as Lily’s brother, despite the fact that they aren’t blood related. However, as always, this thought doesn't make my sister smile at all.

“Yeah, but can I have it anyway?” Lily asks. “As, like, compensation for having to be there tomorrow?”

“If you get £10 for putting up with Ricky tomorrow,” I say, “I’m due back pay of, like, thousands.”

“What your sister said,” Sean says. “Or in short, no.”

“Maybe we can go out to celebrate me getting signed to Heavenly Talent,” I say with a smile.

“Oh, we’ll definitely be doing that!” Sean chuckles proudly, bringing a smile to my face.

“Won’t Ricky want to go along to that as well?” Lily asks.

“Meh, if it’s a public place like a restaurant, he’ll behave himself more,” I reply. “And he’ll be with Alice tomorrow anyway, she usually keeps him under control.”

“That’ll be cool, if you get to work with your potential future sister-in-law,” Sean says.

“Yeah, I wish,” I snort. “She’s an Angel, she gets, like, thousands of quid for every appearance she makes, or every promotion she does on her Instagram. I’ll be lucky to make a thousand quid a month working for HT.”

“Hey, when I was seventeen, I’d have killed to make a thousand quid a month,” Sean muses.

“Yeah, but back then, you could, like, buy a loaf of bread for 4p,” Lily says, making me giggle as our parent groans.

“Hey, watch it you!” Sean chastises Lily as we both keep smirking. “I was seventeen in 1995, which isn’t THAT long ago!”

“It’s before either of us were born,” I say, smirking again as Sean rolls his eyes. “Do you actually know how much a loaf of bread cost back then?”

“More than 4p,” Sean replies firmly. “Which is how much I’ll be lending you if you keep talking to me like that!”

“Yes, okay, sorry,” I mumble, the grin not fading from my face.

“Apology accepted,” Sean says as we pull up outside my college and he hands me a ten pound note. “Text me when you’re on your way home, or if you need a lift home.”

“Sure,” I say, grinning at the thought that Sean may be waiting a while for his text.

My grin stays in place as I head into college and am greeted as always by Suri, who mirrors my grin when she sees how I’m dressed.

“Hubba hubba Miss Ruddock!” Suri cheers as I show off my plain but still sexy outfit. “No prizes for guessing why you’re dressed to kill today! Any prizes for guessing WHO you’re dressed to kill?”

“Meh, you’ll find out eventually,” I reply, my grin widening as we head to our classroom, attracting a lot of stares from a lot of boys along the way.

As with yesterday, we only stay in the classroom for a short while before heading to the dressing room to get changed into our (thankfully freshly laundered) costumes. However, unlike yesterday, as I change into the swimsuit and the shorts, I don’t feel any of the awkwardness I previously did. The swimsuit hugs my curves, the shorts show off my pert bottom and long, slender legs and even my ‘chain’ makes me feel sexy as I playfully wrap it around my slender, feminine body. I don’t even feel as ‘controlled’ as I did yesterday- maybe it’s because I’ve changed from a bodysuit into a swimsuit, two items of clothing that are similar in style, I don’t know. All I know is that when I exit the make-up room and feel the eyes of every boy in the room turn in my direction, I have never felt sexier.

“Hi boys…” I seductively purr as I approach the rest of my ‘gang’.

“Hey Laura!” Craig (or as he’s known in costume, ‘Pyro’) says. “Ready for today?”

“Ugh, I just want to get on stage properly already!” I reply in an overdramatic fashion that makes Craig laugh.

“Think we all do,” Craig says. “But, you know, we need to make sure we’re getting it right, this IS the biggest performance of the year, you know?”

“That’s why I want to get on stage!” I giggle. “Want to, you know, show off to the world what I can do!” And what I’ve got, I think to myself as I lean forward, giving Craig a better view of my cleavage.

“Yeah,” Craig chuckles nervously. “Do you- do you want to run through some lines?”

“Sure,” I say, grabbing my script and following the teenaged boy to a quiet corner, where we sit and run through our lines together. As we rehearse, though, I can’t help but notice his eyes repeatedly darting back and forth over my body, and the fact that his face seems to get redder as I lean in closer to him…

“Okay, everyone,” Mr. Irwin says, bringing a premature halt to mine & Craig’s rehearsal session. “First positions, everyone.” I grin as I head up to the stage alongside Craig, Sean and Dannii, adopting a serious expression on my face as we prepare to run through the production yet again.

As with yesterday, the rehearsal takes us right up to lunch, and I yet again have a grin on my face as I head through the cafeteria in my skimpy costume, toward the table where my friends are waiting for me as always.

“Hey girlies!” I giggle as I sit down with my lunch. “Great run-through again!”

“Yep!” Phoebe giggles. “SO can’t wait to actually get on stage in front of an audience, you know?”

“Totally,” I say.

“Even though you’ve got something even more nerve-wracking tomorrow?” Rachel teases me, making me giggle and blush.

“Ah, yep!” I squeak excitedly. “Just 24 hours to go! God… You know, I feel like I should be more nervous than I actually am? Like, this is an absolutely HUGE opportunity, but, you know, I’m prepared for it, I know what I’m gonna say…”

“Still so jealous,” Rachel sighs happily. “Though I guess it does help when your brother’s already dating an Angel, heh.”

“Yeah, but, you know, I want to do this by myself?” I reply. “Sure, Heavenly Talent’s one of the biggest nepotism places in the world, but I want to actually earn my spot there, not just ‘cause of my links with Alice, or Jamie-lee, or Viks…”

“How d’you know Viks?” Phoebe asks.

“Used to date her little brother,” I reply. “TOTAL creep.”

“I can vouch for that,” Suri says. “He was totally self-centred too.”

“Ugh, that’s a pity,” Rachel sighs. “Dating the brother of an Angel sounds like hitting the jackpot, heh.”

“Yeah, well, you’re welcome to him,” I snort. “I’ve got much better, anyway!”

“Ah, yes, the big date!” Suri teases, making me blush. “Are we ever going to find out who it is?”

“Ooh, have you got another new boyfriend, Laura?” Phoebe asks, making me roll my eyes.

“Not ‘another’ new boyfriend,” I reply. “Just a guy I’m seeing after college, that’s all.”

“It- it’s not Craig, is it?” Rachel asks. “’Cause I saw you and him before the run-through…”

“You said it wasn’t someone from college,” Suri asks as I suddenly start to feel VERY uncomfortable. “And I thought Craig was going out with Leighanne Coulson? She’s not someone whose boyfriend you want to steal…”

“I was just talking to Craig, that’s all,” I sigh. “Most of our scenes are together, it makes sense that we, you know, talk before rehearsals.” Though I definitely wouldn’t say no if he ‘asked’, I think to myself.

“Well- okay,” Suri says, not even bothering to hide the fact that she doesn’t believe me.

“Besides, it’s hardly a crime to flirt, is it?” I ask.

“Depends on who you flirt with,” Suri says cautiously. “You know you’d have flipped if you’d seen Kain flirt with another-“

“Okay, okay,” I interrupt. “I’ll turn down the flirting a bit. As for Kain, well, he can flirt with whoever he wants now, can’t he? And god help the poor girl he DOES flirt with.”

“Is he a creep too?” Rachel asks. “’Cause the way you talked about him when you two were going out, well…”

“He- he’s a bit awkward around girls,” Suri explains. “Especially Laura. It took him MONTHS to ask her out and even longer for her to say yes!”

“And he’s utterly oblivious to, like, EVERYTHING,” I snort. “Though that- that was kinda sweet in its own way, heh… Anyway, I’ve moved on now. I prefer MEN to BOYS, hehe!”

“Hell yeah!” Phoebe giggles as we enjoy our lunch. A quick glance at Suri, though, reveals that she’s not convinced by my explanation. However, my love life is also none of her business, which I remind myself later in the afternoon when we change out of our costumes and back into our day clothes. I smile as I head to the girls’ toilets, where I brush my hair out into a loose, cute style and touch up my make-up with thick, smoky eyeshadow and blood red lipstick. With my look complete, I head out of the college, not even waiting to say goodbye to Suri or the others first, and head straight to the nearby coffee shop, where I order myself a skinny latte and wait at an outside table for the arrival of my date.

I’m not waiting long before I see the familiar face of a tall, blond-haired man approaching with a nervous-looking smile on his face. As I stand up to greet him, I smile- both at the fact that’s arrived and that I have that kind of effect on someone as sexy and ‘experienced’ as Paul.

“Hey you!” I purr as I greet Paul with a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“H- hey Laura,” Paul says as we head back into the coffee shop. As I adjust the hem of my skirt, I cast a sly glance back at Paul, who looks very interested in what he sees.

“Good day at work?” I ask.

“Yeah, same as always,” Paul shrugs. “It’s summer, most people would rather be outside than stuck in a gym, heh.”

“Meh, I get that,” I shrug as Paul orders his drink. “So, umm…”

“Yeah,” Paul chuckles. “I- I wasn’t 100% sure I was gonna show up, heh. I wasn’t 100% YOU were, heh.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” I say, leaning forward so as to show more of my cleavage to the sexy man. “And believe me, I was never not going to, hehe!”

“Yeah,” Paul chuckles nervously. “So, umm, did- did you have a good day at college?”

“It was okay,” I reply. “We’re doing dress rehearsals for our end of year play, which we’re starting a week tomorrow.”

“Ah, that sounds cool,” Paul says. “What- what’s your costume like?”

“Pretty, well…” I say, before grinning devilishly. “…Tight.”

“Cool,” Paul chuckles. “So, umm, how long have you been into acting?”

“Since I started secondary school,” I reply. “I dunno how much of my history you know, but that- that was when I started to be, well, ‘Laura’.”

“Yeah, I- I know about THAT,” Paul says. “I actually used to go out with, you know…”

“A transgender girl?” I ask, my heart starting to beat faster as I realise that Paul has more ‘experience’ that I previously thought.

“Umm, yeah,” Paul replies. “Irish girl, worked for that French airline, the one that's been in the news lately 'cause of the strike.”

“Ah, cool,” I giggle. Paul’s obviously trying to impress me, and in fairness, it IS working. “And to answer your question about acting, I’ve always loved the idea of being up on stage, acting or dancing. I kinda, you know, get to show the world the ‘real’ me, like, the real me is girly and gorgeous, and I want everyone to know that.”

“Yeah,” Paul says with a nervous chuckle. “I guess in a way, acting isn’t that much different from, you know, professional sport. You’re doing what you love, putting yourself out there in front of an audience who are, you know, emotionally invested in what you’re doing.”

“Huh, I never thought about it that way before,” I muse. “But yeah, I guess it makes sense. The difference is that I know in advance how my ‘performance’ is going to end, even if the audience doesn’t.”

“I suppose,” Paul says. “Like, if a football match is 4-0 going into the last ten minutes, it’s a pretty safe bet there’s not going to be some sudden miracle to make it so that the losing team wins.”

“I suppose,” I shrug. “So, do you, like, have any non-sport hobbies?”

“Meh, goes with the territory of being a personal trainer,” Paul replies with a shrug. “We’re also the gym of choice for Acton Rovers, the football club that the owner of Heavenly Talent bought. So, like, everything’s under the same roof, sort of thing.”

“Which will hopefully include me tomorrow,” I say with a smug grin.

“Yep,” Paul says. “I don’t think you’ve got much to worry about, you’ll probably walk the interview.”

“Aww, thanks!” I giggle as I sip my drink. “I won’t lie, I am REALLY nervous about the interview. Almost as nervous as I was about this date, actually, hehe!” I giggle as Paul once again blushes and averts his gaze.

“Yeah, umm…” Paul mumbles. “What- what time do you have to be home?”

“I can stay out as long as I want,” I reply with a confident grin. “Why, do you need to get home?”

“I have got a bit of work to do for tomorrow,” Paul says.

“You said summer was your slowest season?” I ask, frowning as Paul starts to fidget uncomfortably.

“Well, it’s not like I have NOTHING to do,” Paul mumbles.

“Do- do you find me attractive?” I ask.

“Well- yeah, of course I do,” Paul replies.

“So, then…” I coo. “How about we go back to your place and I can, you know, ‘help you out’?”

“Are- are you sure?” Paul asks, his eyes widening in (what I assume is) anticipation.

“Where’s the harm?” I ask with a playful giggle.

“Well- only if you’re absolutely sure,” Paul says.

“Yes, 100%, come on already!” I plead teasingly.

“Well- okay,” Paul says, finishing his drink before composing a quick text message on his phone. “My flat’s actually only half a mile from here.”

“Cool!” I giggle, finishing my drink before following Paul down the road, giggling at his bashfulness as I lean in close to him.

Once we’re through the front door of his flat I waste no time in jumping at Paul and giving him a long, deep kiss, gently probing his mouth with my tongue as I trace a line with my finger from the centre of his chest to just above the hem of his shorts. It quickly becomes obvious that Paul is VERY ‘eager’ for what’s about to happen.

“Bedroom?” I ask between deep breaths.

“L- living room,” Paul replies, pointing to a door that I immediately open, only to receive an unexpected and very unwelcome surprise.

“Wh- what?” I ask as I survey the scene.

Rather than being empty, as I expected, the room is packed with both familiar faces and a couple I don't recognise. Ian’s here, as are Ashley and Megan. Nikki Phillips-Thomas is here along with her wife and an older woman I don’t recognise. And sat in the middle of them all are my brother and his girlfriend.

“Hello Laura,” Ricky says sternly. “Sit down.”

“Wh- what is this?” I ask, anger and embarrassment quickly filling my body. “What the fuck is this!?”

“Like I told you last night,” Paul says softly. “Ricky’s a mate.”

“So- so you just told him about me and you?” I snort.

“There isn’t-“ Paul says, before sighing. “There isn’t a ‘me and you’. You messaged me and asked me out for a drink. I thought, well, ‘sure, why not’, but then I told Dan, who told Stuart, who told Ian.”

“And I remembered what your brother told me on Sunday,” Ian says in his soft Welsh accent. “He told me that I wasn’t the first, well, first guy since you split from your boyfriend. I didn’t want to believe him. But when I heard about this date, like, less than a week later, I- I started thinking.”

“Which is more than could be said for you,” Ricky snorts as my face starts to turn red from embarrassment and rage.

“I thought we’d just meet for a drink and a chat,” Paul explains. “When Ricky heard about it, he told me you’d probably try to persuade me to take you home with me. The text I sent before we left the café was to Ricky, to let him know he was right.”

“So- what?” I ask. “You brought everyone here to humiliate me?”

“I brought everyone here to help you,” Ricky says, anger starting to seep into his own voice. “Laura, this- this isn’t you. You haven’t been yourself lately. For the last few months, even.”

“We’ve all noticed it,” Megan says softly as I feel my own anger start to dissipate. “Laura, just- just look at what you’re doing.”

“And what’s that?” I ask.

“You were about to jump into bed with a guy ten years older than you that you hardly know,” Ricky says firmly.

“…So?” I shrug, though inside, I can feel my defiance fading- especially when my brother lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Laura, you- you of all people should know not- well…” Ricky mumbles.

“’I of all people’?” I snort. “And what does that mean, exactly?”

“Well, umm…” Ricky says, lost for words for the first time in his life.

“You see me as a victim, don’t you?” I ask. “Well I’m sick of being the victim. For once in my life, I want to be a winner. I want to come out on top. And if that means having sex with a cute guy, or an older guy, or even more than one guy, then that’s what I’ll do. It’s my life, and I’ll do what I want with it.”

“You said you want to be a winner,” the unidentified older woman says. “Who is it you want to defeat?”

“I- I’m sorry, who are you?” I ask.

“My name is Doctor Beverly Phillips,” the older woman replies. “I’m a psychiatric counsellor specialising in gender identity. I’m Ian’s counsellor, along with many others. I’m also Sarah’s mother.”

“I asked if she could come along today,” Sarah (Nikki’s wife) says softly. “You might be more comfortable speaking to someone you didn’t know than to friends or family.”

“If you’d like to speak privately, we could always go to the kitchen,” Dr Phillips says softly, with Paul nodding in agreement. As the eyes in the room turn back toward me, I feel the last of my anger dissipate and tears start to form in my eyes. As much as I hate to admit it, Ricky IS right- objectively, the notion of having sex with a stranger is appalling. But Paul isn’t a stranger, not really, and Ian certainly isn’t, and nor were the boys from college… And it IS my life.

“I haven’t done anything illegal,” I whisper, my voice shaking.

“Maybe not,” Ricky concedes. “But think about this. Lily is twelve. Five years younger than you. Imagine if, five years from now, Lily starts behaving the way you are now. How would YOU react?” I bite my lip, but to no avail, as tears quickly start to stream from my eyes. Within seconds, Megan, Ashley and Alice surround me in a group hug as I bawl my eyes out and mentally pray for the ground to open up and swallow me.

Before I finish crying, I’m led through to the kitchen, where I’m left in peace to speak to Dr Phillips privately. It takes me several minutes to calm down, but once I have, I’m finally able to answer the counsellor’s question.

“…My dad,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry?” Dr Phillips asks gently.

“You asked me who I wanted to beat,” I say. “I want to beat my dad. I want to make him feel like a failure, not just as a father but as a human being.”

“I am familiar with your ‘history’ with your father,” Dr Phillips says softly. “And your resentment toward your father is completely understandable and reasonable.”

“He’s also the reason I had an eating disorder,” I say. “And depression. And everything else wrong with me. Heh, I guess you can include ‘nymphomania’ now…”

“If you want,” Dr Phillips says. “But let’s look at these things individually. I’ve spoken to true nymphomaniacs before, Laura, and believe me, you don’t fall into that category. Believe me when I say that it’s not unusual for a seventeen-year-old to have a healthy sex drive, or to find older men attractive. It’s also far from unusual for teenagers to date people their family might find inappropriate.”

“But it IS unusual for teenage boys to go around wearing miniskirts and having sex with other men, right?” I ask.

“Do you view yourself as a teenage boy, though?” Dr Phillips asks, making me sigh.

“…I don’t want to,” I mumble. “But- but every time I think about my father…”

“The obvious advice would be to stop thinking about him,” Dr Phillips says. “But you don’t need to tell me that’s easier said than done.”

“Yeah,” I snort. “So every time I think about him, I- I think how angry he’d be seeing me dressed like this, or acting in a play, being a ballerina… I definitely think about how angry he’d be about his ‘little boy’ having sex with other men.”

“…But you have to acknowledge that you’re the one who’s choosing to sleep with these men,” Dr Phillips advises. “Does your father even know about these relationships?”

“No,” I mumble. “I- I haven’t even seen him since he was sent to prison. Well, apart from at my grandmother’s funeral.”

“Your brother did explain that the funeral was a catalyst for the recent change in your behaviour,” Dr Phillips says softly. “Would it be reasonable to say that you hate your father?”

“Yes,” I reply, my cheeks burning with shame. “And I- I genuinely don’t think I’ll be able to feel truly, you know, ‘safe’ until he- until he’s dead. But he’s only, like, fifty, and he- he’ll be out of prison in a couple of years anyway, he only got seven years…”

“Does your father know how much you hate him?” Dr Phillips asks.

“I don’t see how he can’t,” I snort.

“Have you ever told him, face to face?” Dr Phillips asks, chilling my blood as I contemplate the prospect of being in the same room as Robert.

“I- I can’t,” I say, gasping for air until Dr Phillips gives my hand a supportive squeeze.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Dr Phillips says in a soothing voice. “No one can force you to see him. But at the same time, if you continue the way you’re going, you will be putting yourself in unnecessary danger.”

“…I know,” I sigh. “If I was still with my boyfriend, it wouldn’t be an issue, but- ugh.”

“I’m listening,” Dr Phillips says.

“I- ugh,” I spit again. “We- we broke up on Valentine’s Day. We were meant to have a romantic date, but the night before, I had a nightmare about dad, and- ugh. Even now, five years later, I- I can’t stand it when people touch me when I’m not expecting it. Which, I guess, is why I, you know, ‘want it’ a lot…”

“That’s not entirely unreasonable,” Dr Phillips says. “And as I said, there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy libido. Have you spoken to your ex-boyfriend about this?”

“Where’s the point?” I snort. “He’d hardly understand…”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Dr Phillips says. “You never know until you try. Similarly, you’ll never know how your father would react if you never-“

“No thanks,” I interrupt.

“…As you’ve already said, it’s your life, and no one can force you to confront him,” Dr Phillips concedes. “All I can do is offer my suggestions and recommendations. Do you have a counsellor?”

“Yeah,” I reply. “Dr Williamson, at the Tavistock centre.”

“Yep, I know her,” Dr Phillips says. “I’ve worked with her a lot, though as you’re nearly eighteen you’ll likely be moving on soon. I’m not an NHS counsellor, but I can certainly recommend several adult counsellor, and with your permission only, I’d like to share what we’ve discussed with Dr Williamson.”

“…Sure, fine,” I sigh. “If anything, it’ll save me from having to say everything again to her, heh. Do- do I owe you any money for this?”

“Not for this session, no,” Dr Phillips reassures me. “It’s my daughter and her wife who owe me for this one, along with all the other favours they ask me to do for their friends, heh. But I’m happy to help where I’m needed."

“Thank you,” I whisper. “It has kinda, you know, opened my eyes a bit.”

“You’re very welcome,” Dr Phillips says.

“Just-, umm,” I mumble. “Can- can you ask everyone out there to leave before I come out, please? I don’t think I can face everyone again…”

“They’re all here because they care for you, Laura,” Dr Phillips says softly.

“Yeah, I know, but- ugh,” I sigh, earning a sympathetic smile from the older woman.

“I’ll ask them to give you some space,” Dr Phillips says. “Is there anyone who you want to stay?”

“…Just my brother,” I mumble, earning another sympathetic smile.

“I’ll let him know,” Dr Phillips says, leaving the kitchen only to be replaced by my brother a few seconds afterward.

“…Are you okay?” Ricky asks in an uncharacteristically caring voice.

“Meh, I guess,” I sigh. “Sorry- sorry if I ruined your birthday…”

“That’s not until tomorrow, so you’re fine,” Ricky shrugs as he sits down next to me. “Do you want a lift home? We shouldn’t really chat in here, I think Paul will want his kitchen back at some point.”

“Fine,” I sigh, heading through to the thankfully deserted living room to grab my handbag before following Ricky out to his car, where Alice is waiting in the passenger seat. “Would it- would it really have been THAT bad if I had slept with Paul? I mean, he’s not THAT bad a guy, right?”

“He did prove that by telling you about the date,” Alice reminds my brother.

“Exactly,” Ricky says. “By not taking advantage of you, Laura, he showed that he was a good guy. If he had slept with you, he’d have been no good for you.”

“Wait, let me get this straight,” I say. “The only guys who are good enough for me to sleep with are the guys who wouldn’t want to sleep with me?”

“Yep,” Ricky replies bluntly.

“Do you realise how hypocritical that is?” I ask.

“It’s not hypocritical,” Ricky retorts. “It’s a Catch-22, I’ll grant you that, but it’s not hypocritical to not want you to get hurt.”

“I know I have a lot of regrets from when I was your age,” Alice says softly. “Neither of us want you to go through your life regretting what you did when you were younger.”

“I don’t have any regrets,” I mumble. “And what if, when I’m older, I regret not having any regrets from when I was younger?”

“…Okay, now THAT is a Catch-22,” Alice chuckles.

“And- ugh,” I sigh. “And in fairness, I- I do regret ending it with Kain the way I did.”

“He wasn’t a bad kid,” Ricky says. “No reason you couldn’t, you know, shoot him a message on Facebook. As long as you only ask him to talk, nothing else.”

“Yeah…” I grimace. “I think I’m going to lay off the ‘not talking’ for a while, heh.”

“I’m glad this afternoon’s done some good, then,” Alice says. “I know it must’ve sucked to be in the middle of everyone like that.”

“Meh, I’d better get used to being in the spotlight if I want to be an actress,” I shrug. “And being grilled like that is good practice for tomorrow, heh.”

“Oh, the interview!” Alice says excitedly. “I almost forgot about that! Don’t worry about it, seriously. Jonathan’s an absolute teddy bear and you’ve got one and a half feet in the door already as it is. Krystie showed us the first edit of the video today, and you were really great!”

“Thanks,” I chuckle.

“Just as long as you know that any celebration tomorrow is for me and me alone,” Ricky says, earning a punch in the arm from his girlfriend.

“Just ignore him, Laura,” Alice says with a warm smile. “We’re having a party tomorrow night at my place for the meathead here, I know you’re under eighteen but I’m sure your mum would let you come along for a couple of hours.”

“I know I’d like that too,” Ricky says. “We’ll ask her when we get home.”

“Will- will Paul be there?” I ask, grimacing as my question is met by a stern silence from the front of the car. “It’s just that if he is, it- it might be a little, umm, awkward…”

“Ah- fair enough,” Alice says. “And it’s not like there won’t be loads more Angel parties for you to go to once you’re signed up and eighteen, hehe!”

“Just as long as you behave yourself at them,” Ricky cautions. “I was looking forward to my little sister being at my party, too…”

“Oh- well, I wouldn’t have spent any time hanging out with you anyway,” I say. “I’d have spent most of my time talking with the other WOMEN.”

“You go, girl!” Alice cheers as we pull up outside my home.

Thankfully, both Ricky and Alice agree that mum and Sean don’t need to know about what happened this afternoon, avoiding any awkward conversations, and when I remember that I still haven’t bought Ricky a birthday present, Alice volunteers to take my tenner and get something for him from Amazon. I spend the rest of the evening reading my lines and preparing for tomorrow’s interview, not even logging into Facebook out of fear of what Megan and Ashley might have told the rest of the Excellent Eight and out of fear that Paul might message me. I know that latter is unlikely, but the possibility is enough to keep me away from Facebook all night- as is Dr Phillips’s recommendation that I message Kain. With everything that’s happened over the last few months, he’s the last person I want to talk to right now…

Despite my anxiety over the interview, I’m so emotionally and physically exhausted that I fall asleep seconds after my head hits the pillow, and I’m still asleep when my alarm goes off the following morning.

As my interview is immediately after college today, I dress a lot more conservatively than I did yesterday. Instead of my clingy bodysuit, I wear a clean white blouse. Instead of my tight skirt, I wear a smart, knee-length black pencil skirt. I briefly even consider wearing trousers to college today, but that was never an option. Every day I choose to wear a skirt instead of trousers is a ‘win’ over Robert, and even though Dr Phillips is right when she says that he wouldn’t know what I’m wearing, I know what I’m wearing. I’m not hurting anyone (certainly not myself) by wearing a skirt, so that’s what I’m going to wear. Besides which, I loathe trousers. Skirts are much more comfortable, and much more feminine- though as far as I'm concerned, they're both the same thing. I finish my look with a pair of smart black ballerina pumps and a delicate silver necklace, before dropping a load of my favourite make-up into my handbag and heading downstairs, where I’m unsurprised to find an extra person sat on our sofa.

“Hey Ricky,” I say breezily. “Happy birthday!”

“What, that’s it?” Ricky asks indignantly. “You’re just going to say ‘happy birthday’ and skip on out of here?” Seven years ago, this would have aggravated me and would have caused Ricky to wind me up until I was a hysterical mess. However, seven years ago, I was a confused little boy, not the mature, confident woman I am today. Well, okay, as yesterday proved, I'm not TOTALLY mature just yet. But I am mature enough to recognise when my brother's taking the piss.

“Yep,” I reply as I put on my favourite pair of designer sunglasses. “Oh, and you know I’ll be late home tonight because of my interview.”

“So I’m not going to see you at all today, then?” Ricky asks.

“If I’m lucky, no,” I reply, before giggling, crouching down next to the birthday boy and giving him a long kiss on his cheek. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Ricky whispers, giving my hand a gentle pat as I head out to Sean’s car, where he and Lily are unsurprisingly already sat, seatbelts fastened and waiting for me.

“Let me guess,” I say as I elegantly slide onto the front passenger seat and take care not to crease my clothes as I fasten my seatbelt, “you came out here just as Ricky arrived?”

“Just before he arrived,” Lily replies. “And I’m going to be eating dinner at Molly’s house tonight.”

“I tried to talk her out of it,” Sean says. “Tried to persuade her that Ricky can behave, but- nah. She wasn’t having any of it.”

“I’m not having any of his bullying either,” Lily says with an angry scowl. “No offence, Laura, but he is a total jerk.”

“Well- most of the time, yeah,” I sigh. “Sometimes, though, he can actually make you glad he’s your brother…”

We arrive at college a short while later, where Suri greets me with the customary hug and, of course, a comment about my unusual attire.

“Hello miss businesswoman!” Suri teases, giggling as I roll my eyes. “No prizes for guessing what the outfit’s for, right?”

“Yep!” I say with a nervous giggle- though it’s yesterday I’m more nervous about than today.

“I’m guessing that’s also why you were offline last night?” Suri asks. “We missed you in the chat, all the girls asked me to pass on their best wishes and good luck for the interview.”

“Thanks,” I say. “Did- did Megan or Ashley say what happened yesterday?”

“Umm, no…” Suri replies with a frown. “Did- did something happen yesterday?”

“…Nothing important,” I semi-lie with a wide grin- I should’ve known better than to doubt Ashley or Megan.

“Meh, if you insist,” Suri shrugs. “What IS important is how we’re going to celebrate tomorrow, hehe!”

“Yep!” I squeak excitedly as we head to our first class.

Yet again, after half an hour in class, we head to the changing rooms to change into our costumes, and after removing my skirt and my blouse (and making sure to carefully hang them up in my locker), I change into the all too familiar swimsuit and shorts, musing today on how these clothes are just a normal costume for any girl.

“Hey guys,” I say in a plain, nonchalant voice as I approach my castmates, adjusting my swimsuit to show as little cleavage as possible.

“Hey Laura,” Dannii (or as she’s known in costume, ‘Needle’) says. “Finally Friday, hehe!”

“Yep!” I giggle. “Just one week to go!”

“Ugh, I can’t wait for it to just start already!” Dannii moans. “I’m rehearsing this play in my sleep!”

“That’s good to hear,” Mr. Irwin says with a smile as he ushers me, Dannii and the two boys onto the stage. “You won’t have any problem with the run-through, then. From the top, please.” I smile as we take a deep breath and get ready to begin.

After lunch, which is thankfully spent talking about the play and my interview and NOT about my love life, we head back through to the stage to do yet more rehearsals, before thankfully being allowed to change out of our costumes and back into our street clothes- or, in my case, my smart clothes. My nerves start to jangle as I replace my stage make-up with a subtle, professional but still feminine look, and tie my previously braided hair back into a smart ponytail. I know Alice told me yesterday that I have nothing to be nervous about, but Jonathan must by now have heard about yesterday’s ‘intervention’, and I can’t help but worry that I’ve killed my Heavenly Talent career before it’s even started…

“Good luck.” Suri whispers as she gives me a hug at the college exit, a sentiment echoed by Sean and Lily as they drop me off outside the fancy modern office of Heavenly Talent. I hold my head high as I confidently stroll through the reception area, inwardly marvelling at all the famous faces whose pictures line the walls- many of whom I already consider to be my friends, one of whom may even become my future sister-in-law. Before I reach the reception desk, though, I’m intercepted by another friendly face- one I saw exactly 24 hours ago.

“Hey Laura,” Nikki says in a soft, sympathetic voice. “Jonathan’s just getting ready, I’ll let him know you’re here, but I- I just wanted to see how you were first, after yesterday.”

“Oh- oh god, does- does Jonathan know about that?” I ask, biting my lip to try not to cry.

“He does,” Nikki replies, making my heart sink into my intestines before she, for some reason, smiles. “What, you think you’re the first supermodel to behave a little ‘inappropriately’? Never heard of Dannii Samson?”

“Who, the Constellation girl?” I ask.

“Former Constellation girl,” Nikki corrects me. “Also former Teen Angel and current porn star. She got up to so much shit when she was signed to HT that it makes what you nearly did look like nothing, really. Hell, at least one of the Angels posed topless before being signed to HT! But my point about Dannii is that she was given so many chances and was too stupid to make the most of them. I know you won’t be, and Jonathan knows that too.”

“Thanks,” I whisper.

“And if it makes you feel any better,” Nikki says, “you’re talking to someone who has an honest to god criminal record for assault. And I got a second chance. So you will too. Make the most of it.”

“I will,” I say, exchanging a quick hug with the older girl before taking a deep breath as Jonathan appears at the entrance to his office and waves me toward him.

“Knock ‘em dead,” Nikki says with a smile as I head up the stairs, grateful to have worn flats today.

“Thanks for coming,” Jonathan says as he closes the office door behind us. “I’m sorry it had to be a Friday afternoon, but it was the only time we could fit around your course.”

“No, I’m sorry for being so awkward,” I chuckle.

“Don’t apologise for getting an education!” Jonathan chuckles. “That really is a major tick in your favour, my uncle respects people who work hard at college or university, and so do I. Though I will say before we start that if it was my uncle who was interviewing you, he’d have done it already as he doesn’t believe in giving people time to prepare, heh! I prefer to do things a bit more traditionally.”

“Okay,” I say, smoothing my skirt over my legs as I sit down.

“I’ve reviewed your portfolio,” Jonathan says. “Which does have a lot in it for someone of your age, even if I can tell some of it is padded a bit.”

“S- sorry,” I grimace.

“Trust me, I’ve seen worse!” Jonathan chuckles. “Your references are what’s impressed me the most, though, and the fact that you've worked for the coffee shop for a year with no hassle definitely helps too. Your current agent has told me that he would be really sorry to lose you, and most teenagers don’t come in here with references from four Angels, heh!”

“F- four?” I ask. “Umm, Alice, Ms. Fullerton…?”

“My wife- which really is a tick in your favour- and Jamie,” Jonathan explains. “So basically, this interview is just a formality, really. By showing up dressed the way you are, you’re telling me you take this opportunity seriously, and that’s good enough for me. Normally we’d do a photoshoot as the last part of the interview, to get some headshots, that sort of thing, but seeing as you recorded a whole video with us on Tuesday, I think we can call it done. So how’d you like to be represented by Heavenly Talent?”

“Oh- oh my god, really?” I squeak.

“On a twelve month provisional basis,” Jonathan explains. “Same contract we give everyone under the age of eighteen. But I really think we can work well together. I’ve even lined up a few jobs I reckon would fit you well, one as a model, two as an extra on upcoming TV shows. They’re yours if you want them?”

“…Let’s make some money!” I reply, giggling as Jonathan stands up and gives me a firm handshake.

“That’s what I like to hear!” The tall, dark-skinned man cheers. “Well- welcome to the family, Laura!”

“Thanks!” I giggle as the enormity of what’s just happened dawns on me- Jonathan’s last comment in particular.

I’m now part of a bigger family, a professional family, sure, but a family that looks out for each other nonetheless, just as Nikki did when she spoke to me before the interview, or Jonathan did when he didn’t grill me on the ‘Paul incident’ during the interview. It’s going to be hard work- they will expect me to make them money, after all- but it should lead to countless opportunities to make contacts in the industry and become the actress I’ve dreamed of being for so long. And, of course, I’ll have the chance to make countless new friends.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m going to even slightly turn my back on my actual family, all of whom- even Ricky- celebrate with me when I return home and inform them of the good news. Ricky and Alice again invite me to the party at Alice’s flat, but again, I decline- I’ll have plenty of time to make those new, famous friends, after all, and I’m really not in any immediate rush- I am only seventeen, after all.

And, of course, the reason I’m in no rush is because I already have seven of the most amazing friends in the world. Two of the seven cared enough about me to help me away from a path that could’ve ended up severely hurting me, and cared so much that they saved my blushes by keeping it a secret from the others. Needless to say, I spend Saturday celebrating my signing with the Excellent Eight, going on a quick shopping trip before relaxing in Priya and Suri's back garden on a sun lounger, with just my favourite bikini covering my slender body. Though this does remind me of last year, when we celebrated the end of our exams the same way- only last year, I wasn't alone on the sun lounger.

Though so what if I’m single for now? I’ve got ages to find my perfect man, and being signed to Heavenly Talent certainly gives me ‘access’ to plenty of candidates- though I’m going to take it slow for now. Dr Phillips is right- sleeping around to spite my 'father' is ultimately pointless, and almost certainly would be even if he was aware of it. One piece of Dr Phillips’s advice I’m definitely not going to follow is when she said I should speak to him, confront him about what he did. As far as I’m concerned, he’s dead, buried, forgotten, a part of my life that no longer exists. I just wish I could really believe that, deep down…

One piece of advice I did follow, though, was to speak to Kain, to clear the air between us. After a brief Facebook chat on Saturday evening, we agreed to meet up on Sunday, at the same coffee shop near my college where I met Paul on Thursday. Only this time, I’m wearing a much higher-cut (but still form-flattering) t-shirt and a looser summer skirt instead. That hasn’t stopped Kain from being very attentive to my body, though, especially my legs…

“That sounds really cool!” Kain says as I finish telling him about my new contract.

“Oh- you have no idea just how cool!” I giggle. “I’ve already got modelling work lined up for next month, hehe! And I’m still working part-time at the coffee shop too, so I should be raking money in.”

“Are you still planning on going to university?” Kain asks.

“Hopefully,” I reply. “Heavenly Talent actually encourage their talent to get degrees, especially industry-related degrees like in theatre, and they’ll help with student loan repayments if I’m still signed to them and doing enough work per month.”

“So cool,” Kain chuckles. “So, umm, do- have you, umm, have you, like, hooked up with any models yet?”

“…I’ve only been signed with them for two days!” I chastise my ex-boyfriend, who frowns and blushes. Though if I hadn’t had my ‘intervention’ three days ago, you might have had a point, I think to myself.

“Sorry,” Kain mumbles. “I just figured, you know, that- that guys would be, like, throwing themselves at you…”

“D’aww,” I giggle. “And, you know, a few guys have, but- but I don’t want just ANY guy. I’d rather wait for a good boyfriend than, you know, jump into bed with someone unsuitable.”

“So… What was I, then?” Kain asks, making me bite my lip as I contemplate my answer.

“…Good, but with a few flaws,” I reply. “Nothing, you know, beyond repair.”

“Thanks,” Kain says with a bashful chuckle.

“So, umm, are- are you seeing anyone right now?” I ask.

“Not- not seriously,” Kain replies. “Just, umm, just a girl from college, we’ve been on a couple of dates, that’s all.”

“Oh,” I say suddenly feeling deflated.

“I’d much rather have you back, though,” Kain says, making me bite my lip again. Despite my 'intervention', I still have 'urges', and nothing would satisfy those urges more than taking Kain home with me right now and letting him do whatever he wanted with me. However, I felt the same way about Paul three days ago, and the fact that I'm sat at the exact same table I was three days ago is enough to tell me how much of a bad idea it would be to jump Kain right now...

“How about- how about we see how we go as friends first,” I say. “And go from there.”

“…I’d prefer it if you didn’t, you know, keep me hanging,” Kain says, making me sigh.

“I won’t,” I say, before leaning across and giving Kain a gentle kiss on his lips. And the funny thing is, I get more of a 'tingle' from this one kiss than I did from all the sex I've had with other men over the last four months- even more than from Ian.

“…O- okay,” Kain stammers.

“I- I need to go now,” I say with a sigh. “Promised my parents I’d babysit my sister this evening so they could have some time to themselves.”

“Oh- yeah,” Kain says with a sad sigh. “I never asked you how the wedding went.”

“It was great!” I reply with a grin. “Mum was beautiful, and Sean- well, I’m glad he’s my dad now, heh.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Kain chuckles. “Well- see you around, Laura.”

“See you,” I whisper, giving Kain another kiss on his cheek before heading toward home.

Thanks to the people who love me, I’ve avoided what could’ve been a very messy situation and ended up in a better place than I’ve ever been before. I may even end up getting Kain back. I just wish I could feel truly happy about my life, and that I could stop panicking that I’ll lose everything I have at a moment’s notice…