Byline chapter 22

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Copyright © 2021 Peregrine
All rights reserved.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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chapter 22

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I called out from work in the morning saying I wasn’t feeling well. Which was the truth.

“I’ll take off too,” Abbey said. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.” I could tell by the way she looked at me she didn’t believe me. “No, really. It’s still going to hurt but I have to get over it in my own way. It’s not like it wouldn’t have happened eventually. If he can’t handle me being friends with a lesbian, I’m sure he couldn’t handle me being a guy.”

“You’re rationalizing,” she said.

“Maybe, but it will help me cope.”

~~0~~

After Abbey went to work, I took a shower. I was still in an ill humor as I dried my hair. Putting on my makeup and seeing the results made me feel a little better. My morose humor almost vanished when I looked in the mirror after getting dressed. I saw myself in a flower print romper with ruffles on the cap sleeves and legs. I found it while raiding Abbey’s closet. This is something most guys don’t experience. How changing your look and putting on clothing that makes you look good can change your entire mood. It wasn’t long before I left for my apartment.

~~0~~

Being alone in my apartment wasn’t as bad as I expected. I did have some emotional moments when I thought about Kevin. For the most part, I was holding it together. Abbey called too many times to make sure I was alright.

“I’m fine Abbey. Stop calling. You have patients that need you.”

“My sister needs me too. Maybe more than my patients. I can leave anytime and come over.”

“Thanks. I’m good. You can stop worrying about me.”

“I’m never going to stop worrying about you. Seriously, if you need me, call. I can be over in fifteen to twenty minutes.”

“I’ll call if I need you.”

At some point in the day, I came to the realization that breaking up with Kevin was inevitable. The only prevention would have been me telling him I was a guy before we had gone to dinner that first coffee date. Since me having a lesbian as a friend didn’t fit his lifestyle, I’m sure him dating a guy wouldn’t either. I resolved then to tell whoever I dated next I was a guy before the first date.

~~0~~

I’m not going to tell you I was over the pain of the breakup the next day. However, the pain was manageable. I was able to go to work. Hannah came over as soon as I settled in.

“I’m so sorry. Bart told me you and Kevin broke up. I didn’t know until last night. If I had, I would have called.”

“Thanks. I didn’t know it had gotten around so fast.”

“They are partners. I don’t agree with him. Neither does Bart. You can be friends with whoever you want. It’s such a shame. You two got along so well. Him breaking up with you doesn’t change anything between us. You’re still my best friend. You can always call me if you need to talk.”

“I really appreciate that. Thanks.

~~0~~

It was a short week as Thursday was Thanksgiving. The agency told us they were closing on Friday so it was going to be a four-day weekend. Abbey and I were going to spend Wednesday night, Thursday and Friday at Moms. With our suitcases packed we headed to Moms after work.

“Abbey, Casey get inside, Mom said. She hugged us as soon as we were inside. “You’re still in your uniform,” she said to Abbey.

“We came from work.”

“You look nice, Casey.” I had dressed in a nice top and skirt.

“Thanks.”

“You look nice too, Mom,” Abbey said before I did.

“Thanks. You girls go upstairs and put your bags in your rooms. Then come down and help with dinner.”

I began to follow Abbey upstairs. “Casey, can I see you a minute before you go up?”

I came back down and followed mom into the den. “Are you alright? Abbey told me about your break-up.”

“I’m getting over it, mom. It’ll hurt for a while.”

“I’d like to talk with you before bed.”

“Okay.”

Dinner was mom’s special chicken rice casserole. Mom would make it once a week when we were growing up. It was comfort food. It was what I needed. Mom’s somehow always know what their kids need. Abbey and I cleaned up after dinner. We made mom sit and watch which she did with remarkable ease. After watching TV for a while, Abbey and I said good night and went to get ready for bed. I was about ready to turn out the light when Mom appeared at my door.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure, Mom.” She sat on the bed.

“Are you sure you’re doing alright?”

“Yeah. I’m getting over it. It’s tough.”

“Abbey said you really liked this guy.”

“I did. He was really nice. Mom, he treated me like a princess. I didn’t want…”

I couldn’t continue. I started to cry. Mom moved closer and put her arms around me. “I’m sorry honey. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I didn’t cry long. I had been doing a lot of crying this week.

“Can you tell me what happened?”

I told mom the events leading up to the breakup.

“Well,” Mom said when I finished, “you never told him you were male. If you had, it may never have gotten this far. Do you really think he was planning to ask you to marry him?”

“I pretty sure he was planning to around Christmas.”

“Honey, you can’t marry a guy…”

“Same-sex couples can get married in PA,” I interrupted. I saw the look on mom’s face and stopped.

Mom waited for me to settled down then continued. “You can’t marry a guy without telling him you’re a guy. You need to do that before you start dating someone seriously.”

“I’m sorry for interrupting. You’re right, of course. I decided to do that from now on.”

Mom nodded. “Are you sure you're alright, honey? I’m not talking about your breakup. I’m talking about this assignment. You‘re reacting to this breakup just like… well… just like a woman. Maybe a little too much like a woman. It’s almost as if you’ve forgotten you’re male.”

“I haven’t forgotten. It’s… I’m getting comfortable being a woman. I actually thought I wanted to be a woman for a while.”

“Are you still thinking about becoming a woman?”

“I might be. I’m not sure. Would you be upset?”

“Upset about what? Losing my son? Gaining a daughter? Either way, my child will still be here. That’s all I care about, and you being happy. Since you started this assignment, I’ve seen a different Casey. Not just in gender. You’ve become confident and you appear happier, this week notwithstanding. If this assignment convinces you to become a woman, I will support you.”

“You would? You really would?”

“Yes honey, I would.”

“Thanks, Mom.” We hugged. “I don’t know what I’m going to do when my assignment ends. I’ve got some time to decide.”

“That you do, dear.” She leaned in and kissed me on my head. “Sweet dreams.”

~~0~~

Abbey and I had both taken off the Friday after thanksgiving. We decide to stay at moms until Saturday afternoon. It was just after lunch when My phone rang. It was my boss Jennifer.

“Hi, Jennifer. How was your thanksgiving?”

“It was fine Casey. Listen, I’ve got some bad news. The magazine is thinking about canceling your assignment. They haven’t been pleased with your articles. They’ve called them wilted and stilted. Frankly, I thought they were pretty lame also. They are all over the place. I don’t think you believe in what your writing. There’s no conviction. I know you can do better. I bought you some time. I believe this is an important article. I still think you can do it but you’ve got to give me more.”

I stood there in shock. They want to cancel the assignment. No assignment means no byline. “How much time do I have?”

“With people leaving for the holidays, I was able to get them to wait until a week after the New Year. I need you to re-write those articles. Give me something worth publishing. You can do what you want until then. You can continue as you are or go back to C J as much as you can. It’s up to you.”

“I can do this, Jennifer. I’m going to continue as I am and re-write the articles.”

“I’ll talk with you after the new year. I need to see results. I hope you can still have happy holidays,” she said.

I sat down after we hung up. I was in shock. What else could possibly go wrong? First Kevin and I break up and now the magazine is thinking about canceling my assignment. I started crying again. Abbey heard me, came in and saw me in tears.

“Casey, what’s wrong?”

I told her about the magazine’s pending decision.

“You can fix this,” she said. “Re-write those articles the way I know you can.”

She stayed with me until I settled down. I wasn’t sure I could write anything anymore.

~~0~~

The weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas always seem to go too fast. My Christmas shopping list was down to Abbey, Mom, Amy, Matt, Jo and Hannah. Of course, I waited until the week before Christmas before finishing my shopping. Amy and Matt were easy enough. I knew they would be happy with gift cards. They would be surprised at the amount. I could afford it this year. Jo was fairly easy also. She was a big hockey fan. I used some pull, provided by the magazine, to get her 4 games in an exclusive section. The eight tickets were expensive. I was sure she would invite me so I felt I was getting myself a present also. I got Hannah a substantial gift certificate to her favorite art store. I got both Mom and Abbey a pair of earrings and gift certificates to their favorite restaurants. In addition, I got them both new designer handbags and wallets.

I was hoping doing Christmas shopping would break me out of my writing funk. But it didn’t. It made me feel better but did not do anything to remove my writer's block. The words just wouldn’t flow.

Christmas was on a Wednesday this year so I took the entire week off. I figured I would give Hannah her present on Friday before Christmas. I would make arrangements to give the gang their presents on the weekend. I would wrap Mom and Abbey’s presents on Monday or Tuesday morning. Abbey and I would head to Moms for Christmas eve dinner and services.

The office desk had been decorated with holiday trimmings since the beginning of December. I was in before Hannah the Friday before Christmas. I forgot to mention, I also had to get a secret Santa gift. I had drawn Chris who was one of the managers. I found out he loved coffee. It was easy to get him a Starbuck’s gift certificate and travel coffee mug he could get refilled.

The office party was nice and presents were given out. Chris liked his gift. Dani, one of the administrative assistants gave me a gift certificate for a manicure. With the party just about over and all the gifts were given out, Hannah and I found ourselves back at the front desk. I got Hannah’s gift out of my bag.

“Hannah, Merry Christmas.” I held out the box with her gift.

“Casey, you didn’t have to do this. Thank you.” She unwrapped and opened the box and saw her gift. “Oh my gosh, Casey! This will buy a lot of paint and supplies. Thank you. You shouldn’t have.”

“I wanted to, Hannah. Merry Christmas.”

Hannah reached over to a box near her bag. “This is for you. It doesn’t compare to your gift.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it.” I unwrapped her gift. It was an eight by ten framed painting of me at our office desk. It was beautiful. “Hannah, this is amazing! Oh my gosh, I love it.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that, are you?”

“I mean it. Thank you.” We hugged.

“Merry Christmas, Casey.”

“Merry Christmas, Hannah.”

Quitting time came and Hannah and I packed our things to leave for the day.

“You’re out all next week?” Hannah asked.

“Yeah, I have to wrap my family’s gifts between now and Tuesday. Then it’s off to Mom’s house for Christmas Eve and Christmas. Probably leave Thursday. I’ll be back at work the Monday before New Year's day.”

“I’m staying local. I’ll see you when you get back. Merry Christmas and thanks.”

“Merry Christmas Hannah.” We hugged again, got our coats on and left for the holidays.

~~0~~

One would have thought that I would have been over my breakup with Kevin after a month. Two days before Christmas I had a meltdown. While wrapping presents, I began thinking about Kevin proposing and showing me a ring. Maybe it was Hannah’s painting. Kevin was not in the painting but looking at it reminded me of Hannah and Bart and Kevin. I was depressed for about two hours. The gang was not able to get together over the weekend. We decided on making it Monday. I pulled myself together and recovered in time to meet the gang at the restaurant.

Dinner with the gang was a good time. Amy got me earrings, Matt a gift certificate. Jo got me a beautiful elegant watch. Matt left first leaving the rest of us to talk for a while. Amy left soon after leaving me and Jo at the table.

“Are you alright? You’ve seemed a bit off all night,” said Jo.

“You would notice. I had a meltdown this afternoon. I’m fine now.”

“The hell you are. Were you thinking of that piece of shit Kevin again?”

“He was going to propose.” I felt myself tearing up.

“Casey, get over it. He didn’t propose. Hell, you don’t even know if he was going to propose. You only think he was.”

“Hannah said he was planning something for the holidays.”

“It could have been anything. He could have been asking you to meet his parents. Casey, you’re doing this to yourself. You’re getting yourself all worked up over something you only think was going to happen. You’re regretting something that’s all in your head. It didn’t happen. Look, I know it hurts to break up, to be rejected. It’s his loss.”

Jo and I talked for an hour more. When we finished, Jo reached into her bag.

“Here I have one more present for you.”

She handed me a small bundle of ten business cards with my name and number and the words Journalist Extraordinaire. I looked at her. “What…?”

“Look at one of these when you get down on yourself.”

“Thanks, Jo.” I pulled one of the cards from the stack and handed it to Jo. “Here, you can be the first person I give one to.” Without saying a word, she put it in her bag.

We hugged, wished each other a Merry Christmas and left. On the ride home, I realized Jo was right. Kevin could have had anything planned for the holidays. I had been thinking of being engaged. It was all Abbeys fault. If Abbey hadn’t gotten engaged, I wouldn’t have been thinking about it. I laughed to myself. I knew it wasn’t her fault. I didn’t want it to be mine. I was doing it to myself. I felt better by the time I got to my building.

“Good evening Miss Cummings. Were you out Christmas shopping?”

“Hi, Henry. No, I was exchanging presents with friends. How about you? Did you finish your shopping?”

“I did everything online. I was done weeks ago.”

“You shopped online? I’m impressed.”

“I may be old but I keep up with technology. Thinking about getting that Google Home or Alexa thing one of these days.”

“I’m sure you’ll like it. I’ll be visiting my Mother tomorrow so I won’t see you before Christmas.” The elevator came. I got in and pushed the button. “Merry Christmas, Henry.”

“Merry Christmas, Miss Cummings.”

As the doors closed I knew I had one more present to get.

I was up early on Christmas Eve to buy one more gift. Back in my apartment, I wrapped it, put a bow on top and wrote on the gift tag. I packed all the gifts and went to pack my suitcase. I finished with plenty of time to spare. Abbey called to let me know she was here. I brought my bags down filled with my clothes and family gifts. I put my bags in the car, got in and off we went to see our mother.

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Thanks for reading. Comments welcome.

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Cover picture Credits
Photo by Daria Sannikova from Pexels
Photo by Valeriia Miller from Pexels
Photo Composite by Peregrine

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