----By Nina Adams
In Part 3, our young star has accepted his opportunity to become the lead actress in the school production. The role of a lifetime is gradually becoming the role for a lifetime. It is advisable to read the first two parts before reading the theatrical conclusion.
I was able to finish up most of my work and checked out my Facebook account. The school theatrical turnabout challenge was already common knowledge. Monica had posted what was in store and I had a bunch of posts and messages on my profile. I was past denial or secrecy and informed the faithful that 'Mia' would be at school on Monday. One of my better friends suggested that I update my status. "Single-female"
The reference to female in conjunction with 'Single' made me squirm. I had not really thought about the social aspects of this. I was a loner and not been in any real dating relationships. I could not see how this was going to improve my odds or so I thought. The upside was that as a result of my new found status, I had a record number of friend requests. Probably over two-thirds of them were from girls at school. Most of them were students I hardly knew, but so as not to create any additional friction I accepted them all.
After my diversion on Facebook I told my mother I was ready to have my makeup lesson. She was happy that I came to her rather than the other way around. I received an explanation of each and every product and how it was supposed to be used. Some things were easier to do than others, but it was all a bunch of firsts. My mother explained that there were many different looks that would work and not just one appropriate combo . So long as I was not sloppy, I was likely to look fine. She said with my features less would be better than more. I had the most difficulty doing my eyes. The first couple of tries putting on eye liner and mascara looked comical. I got better, but I was not ready for prime time. After about an hour of playing around she had me wash everything off so that she could apply it for my first meeting with my father.
I wanted to wear casual, but she insisted that I wear a dress and look my best.
"You do not want for your father to see you as anything but convincing. He has to know that you are committed and that you can pull this off. He thinks girls should look like girls, so it would be a strike against you if you tried to look androgynous. When I spoke with him this afternoon he still had reservations and couldn't imagine you wanting this. I told him how important this was and that you would not back down. I think if he can visualize you as a pretty girl, he might see things differently. Please give him the benefit of doubt and cooperate with him as much as possible. Stand your ground, but try and be understanding. I am sure when he sees you he will come around."
For my dinner I wore the waist cinch for the first time which provided me some extra shape and over my foundation I wore a sleeveless Blue sheath dress that had a square neck. It was form fitting with a belted waist and showed off my artificial curves.. My mother insisted that I wear the strapped silhouettes, even though I still could barely walk in them. When I was finally dressed, she added a bracelet and replaced my studs with her tear drop sapphire earrings. A fresh coat of nail polish was added to my nails for effect.
As I stared at the finished product, I got a little weak in the knees. If I had been looking at some random girl, I would have classified the girl as a babe. There was no getting around that I looked like eye candy and no longer resembled the son my father had always known. I was certain to make an impression, albeit a shocking one.
This was me just before I met my father.
"Mom, how did this happen? I'm a girl!"
"And a pretty one at that. You obviously don't have experience looking like this, but you are going to be getting attention from the boys."
"You make it sound like I am not one."
"I am not sure how to respond to that, but just be careful."
It was time for Mom to drop me at Dad's condo. I wore a faux leather cropped jacket over my dress and took small steps to keep my balance as I headed to the car. I felt like a deer in the headlights during the short 10 minute drive to Dad's place. Once we were in the circle by his entrance, my Mom gave me a light peck on my cheek and told me everything would be OK.
I took a deep breath and headed to the doorman's post. I could barely breathe as I rode the fast elevator up to his unit. It wouldn't have taken much encouragement to get me to flee. I walked down his hall as gracefully as I could and knocked on his door.
The silence as he opened the door was deafening. I could see his eyes scanning my appearance for some point of reference.
"Dad, it's me."
"My God, you look like your mother when we met. Maybe just a little younger."
"It's still me."
"I never imagined. I should have been there more for you. This is my fault."
"DAD! This is nobody's fault. I made the choice to do this. With the play, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity."
"You just look so .... I don't know how to say it"
"Like a girl. I know."
"I didn't expect you to already look so convincing. I was still holding out that this was some sort of prank or joke."
"Is that what I am...A Joke!"
"No, that's not what I meant. I guess I was just not expecting you to be so completely feminine and girly."
"Well, Mom helped a lot and I wanted to look my best for you. I was hoping that if you saw me this way that you would get over it quicker. I didn't want to look halfway. I know you are a bit old fashioned about how men and woman should look."
"Well you definitely look like a woman."
"I will take that as a compliment."
"Nate, until I saw you, I was still thinking of trying to talk you out of this and convincing you to go back to the way you used to be. I now know, that this is not possible. Now that I see you this way, I am not sure that I could ever imagine things the way they were."
"I am still the same person underneath this dress and I will always love you. Try and understand I didn't choose this, but I needed to do it."
"I am not hateful and understand that today people can be whatever they want. Are you totally sure you want to go through with this? It's not an easy thing to reverse after setting things in motion. Once you get started you can't just flip a switch and expect things to be the way they were."
"Most of my friends already know about this and the play, so my plans are not a secret. Mom has already given her blessing. She even has done everything possible to speed things along."
" I suspect she wants me to do the same. since you made the ultimate decision to do this, I do understand that it's best if we are all on the same page."
"I would have been fine if Mom had just helped me get ready and assisted me here and there along the way, however, she has encouraged me to go full speed ahead. In fact, she only calls me Mia now."
"Where is that name from?"
"I sort of chose it after I realized that this was not going to be just a stage thing. I guess it makes sense. I don't look like a Nate right now."
"So this is what you really want? You are totally sure you want to be Mia?"
"I wouldn't be here like this if I still wasn't sure. I was very scared at first, but not really any more. I know it won't be easy, but in the end it will all be worth it. The school play is in just under 4 months and by then I want to be as perfect as I can be."
"That is not a lot of time. I am sure you will be great on stage, but don't expect that much in only four months."
"You are starting to sound like Mom. I will do my best."
"Trying to make changes so fast can be physically and psychologically very difficult. Are you totally sure that it is that important for you to make such a total statement by the time of the play? I understand that you want this, but in only 4 months."
"Dad, please. Just be there for me. I am fully committed. The play is important and if I make the right impression, it will give me confidence in myself and know anything is possible."
"You know this is hard for me and would be for any parent, but I will do everything to help you. Mom has her skills and I have mine and we will both make this complicated transition go as smoothly and quickly as possible."
"Dad, it is enough that you accept this."
"I guess I will have to start calling you Mia, too."
"Dad, you can call me whatever you like."
"Ok Mia. Give me a few minutes. I will be right back."
"Are we still going to dinner?"
"Yes, I just want to prepare a cocktail to get your show on the road."
"Thanks for accepting this."
My father was in his medical study which for nearly 10 minutes. I was beginning to wonder if he was having second thoughts about supporting my theater commitment. It's one thing for a father to watch his son play a girl's part on stage, but a whole other thing to see him wearing a dress in a restaurant or in public. I was astonished how supportive he turned out. He genuinely seem to want to help me achieve as complete a transformation by the time of the play as possible.
"What took you so long?"
"It's time for your Doctor father to give you your shots. I wanted to make sure I got the right combinations of doses."
"Do we have to do this now?"
"It is one of the advantages of having a Doctor for a father, especially one that understands your medical needs."
"Alright then, let's get it over with so we can go to dinner."
"I never had to say this before, but please pull your panties down and bend over."
I received two long injections in my butt. I received another one in my arm. I had no idea what inoculations I was due for. I never remembered getting three shots either."
"Dad, why so many shots. Is it flu season or something?"
No Mia, this is my gift to provide you a quick boost in your transition. I know that you will need to see a psychologist and endocrinologist, but you made it clear to me how important it is to get the ball moving. If you were anybody but my own child I would have made you wait, but if you want some changes by the play...time is of the essence."
"What are you talking about? Changes?"
"Mia, you can't go from being a boy to being a girl over night. There are steps along the road that need to be followed and it all takes time. Living full time and HRT usually follow together."
"What was that you injected me with?"
"I guess you could call it your girl cocktail. I could give you all the long Latin names but simply it is medication to help you with your desire to become a woman."
"I don't understand."
"You probably will learn a lot more about transitioning later but let me try and explain."
"Transitioning? I'm listening."
"You are very lucky that you have not gone through much of your puberty. Because of that your body should really benefit from the cocktail."
"Dad, you are loosing me. What did you give me?"
"The first shot was to effectively pause your body from any further male puberty. That should slow or stop you from growing hair where a woman would not want it. The dosage was pretty strong and your body should stop manufacturing much testosterone within a day or two. The second shot was a combination of hormones that will replace the testosterone with those of your desired gender. These will take more time, but you should notice some benefits before long. Initially it should help your skin and slowly provide some subtle other changes. You are likely to feel some emotional side-effects as well. The more significant changes will take some time and the need for follow up medication. Right now you are hormonally a girl."
"My God, what have you done? I am afraid to ask... what was the third shot?"
"That was just to help you with possible nausea. The dosages I gave you were very high because of your expressed rush and even at regular prescribed amounts people often experience some nausea for a few days. That shot should help to minimize the morning sickness."
"I can't believe you gave me that. Is this permanent?"
"Mia, I did it for you. I know how important this is for you to be a complete woman. You will need to keep taking meds for quite a long time to get the full and permanent benefits. You are on your way to hopefully a happier life for you. I am just glad I could be there to support you and help you mature into the beautiful young lady I know you want."
"I need to sit down."
"Are the medications making you faint?"
"I never expected to take any meds for this role. I just wanted to be the best actress possible for the show. That's all, this is way beyond comprehension."
"If you are going to be a girl you needed to go through with this. I don't want you caught somewhere in the middle and uncomfortable as one of those feminine guys that constantly has to battle through life. In time, no one will ever question your given birth-sex. There is a right way to do this and as your father and Doctor I am just trying to provide the best for you."
"Does mom know about what you did?"
"We talked a lot about your desire to go all in. I told her that if I ultimately agreed with your decision, that I would do everything in my power to help you. That is how we left it."
"This is just beyond my comprehension. I am going to have to talk with her about this. I know you meant well, but I am not sure we understand each other."
"We can talk more over dinner. I made reservations at your favorite Japanese restaurant in Evanston.”
"Dad, I have lost my appetite. Can you take me back home? I have a lot to think about and don't feel like eating anymore."
"Sure dear, I am sorry you are feeling this way. I really thought you would be more excited. I am not looking for a thank you, but I am having difficulty understanding why you are upset."
"Dad, I just need to be alone. I'll discuss it with you later. I just have to figure this all out. Can we go?"
I didn't say a word all the way home. All I could think about is what had just happened. My father had chemically neutered me and was turning me into an actual girl. In only a matter of a few days I had gone from being a invisible boy to a girl that was the center of attention and it wasn't a game. I know I had agreed to this crazy situation, but the stakes were beyond any scope imaginable. My dad and maybe my mom think that I want to be a girl forever. How did it get this far?
I was overwhelmed by the situation and pending implications. I started to question my own desires. I could have stopped this all before I got started or at least put my foot down a couple of times along the way. I had let them both send me on a journey and emotional path I was not fully prepared for. Did I subconsciously want this? The fact that I even asked myself that, made me shiver. I knew I had to figure this out very quickly or the problems could get much worse. A conversation with my mother was at the top of my list.
I am sure I looked visibly upset when I returned home long before I was expected. My mother had one of her closest friends over when I walked into the house. I was in no mood to meet anyone else, especially dressed as I was. Mrs. Goldsmith was a nice lady from down the block and I always appreciated her friendship. I could always call her whenever I was stuck somewhere and needed a ride and I had known her since I was little.
They both knew something was wrong so the chit-chat between us was very short. Mrs. Goldsmith said that my mother had just told her about what was going on at school and that I looked absolutely lovely. I thanked her and headed to my room. A few minutes later my mother came in to find me crying on my bed.
"What's wrong honey? Did Dad give you a hard time?"
I hugged her and then let the tears really flow. It took a long time to get my composure back to a point I could even speak. Eventually I tried to explain what had happened. I was so confused and upset that it took a long time for my mother to understand what had transpired. Her reaction convinced me that she did not know I was going to be put on a regimen of Hormone Replacement Therapy.
She really did not know what to say to me. We bonded for a long time, and she just kept saying everything would be OK and not to worry. I trusted her, but she did not have an answer for me. I felt better venting my emotions that had probably been building for a few days. Mom assured me that she would talk with my dad and figure out what to do. She also said she was very sorry if her enthusiasm for me being so completely convincing had been a big part of what caused my father to act so irrationally. I knew to some extent it had, but I was not really mad at her.
I was now completely spent so I got ready for bed early. I was out like a light.
I slept late and for a few early moments I woke up feeling calm. When I exited my bed I felt a wave of sickness. I dashed to the bathroom and threw up. I felt better after that and only had mild waves of nausea the rest of the day. I only had tea and some toast for breakfast to play it safe. I knew I would be seeing Monica in the early afternoon and wanted to feel better by then. I still had an uneasy feeling about my medical intervention last night which somehow made all of my other bizarre activities seem trivial.
I was a feeling like a mess shortly after I threw up.
After my quick breakfast my mother joined me for a little discussion. She clearly had something on her mind.
"Honey, I had a long difficult conversation with your father last night. It was the first time in a long time that things got a little heated between us. I told him that his actions last night were premature and if he was not your father his actions could easily be considered abuse. I also let him know that together we should all have discussed every aspects of medical intervention on you in prior to beginning. We always have done that in the past and this should not have been any different. It obviously might have avoided some of this necessary conversation we have to have now."
"Ok, so what can we do?"
"I wish there was a simple answer. Your father gave you very strong prescription medications. There is a reason that these are prescription. They are serious meds and have significant benefits along with potential risks. Your body has been given a sort of shock to the system and you may be feeling some of those effects. I am sure those are not good feelings right now."
"I threw up this morning."
"I am so sorry. Unfortunately, that is pretty normal. You probably know that women who get pregnant often throw up early in their pregnancy. Like your morning sickness, that is the result in the change in some of your hormonal levels. Your body has to rebalance and get adjusted. It passes, but may continue for a few days."
"Can't dad just give me something to reverse what he did?"
"It apparently is not that easy. The medicine needs time to work its way through your system. The combination of drugs has entered many of your organs and while they are generally safe, it would not be so, if we immediately shot your system up with a new set of changes. Most people never change their hormonal levels like this and they certainly never do it twice in a short period of time."
"So how long before this wears off?"
"Your father can probably explain it better, but we have to get you adjusted and stabilized on these hormones before we can consider shifting you back."
"What does that mean? I can't just take something to make it go away?"
"Not for a while. In fact, you will need to take some additional pills until your body adjusts and levels off. The worst of the morning sickness should go away quickly. Dad will give you blood tests each week for the next couple of months and determine when you are stable. For now you should continue taking follow-up boosters."
"This is serious! What's going to happen to me?"
"You will notice some changes, but because of your current situation I do not think anyone else will. The changes are dependent on your body. Some people only notice mild changes."
"Depends on puberty. The hormones are a lot like going through puberty. If the body is at the right point, it can be just like normal puberty, but for a girl."
"Well sort of, but your body can also have some changes in weight distribution and maybe some other things. It's probable that you may notice the changes, but it is different for all girls."
"That is not re-assuring. So for now, not only am I going to be dressing like a girl, my body is going to be changing like one too."
"For now, yes. After I finally got it through to him that you had not declared that you wanted to change sex, he really did feel very bad. He is beside himself. Your Dad has a fairly narrow view of what guys and girls should be like, so he just assumed that since you planned to dress completely like a girl that you wanted to be a girl. He still doesn't get that you were just doing this temporarily, but he at least knows that he over-stepped the situation. He is going to have a hard time facing you because he feels so horrible."
"I get that, but now I have even more things to try and come to grips with."
"Honey, I wouldn't think about the meds. We will deal with that as time goes by. The good news is that it will probably help you get both physically and mentally adjusted to the stage part."
"That is a small consolation."
"Let's try and move forward OK. "
"Let's work on our makeup again..."
We spent another hour plus working on makeup and other feminine skills. I still had plenty of room to hone my skills with the makeup, but I had improved quite dramatically. Part of my morning lesson was physical in nature. We worked on posture, walking, talking and subliminal behavior. Some of the skills sets were easy to learn and improve with practice. It was the subliminal behavioral education was the hardest . The little things likes a head tilt or proper use of eye contact were all things I never gave a thought to. As a girl, making eye contact with another person, especially males might be interpreted differently. I had a whole new set of interactive dynamics to learn.
It was time to head over to see Monica and actually rehearse some of the lines from the play. She was certain to be impressed or shocked by my makeover. She expected me to be completely girlish, but even she probably did not expect me to look so convincing down to the detail. If anyone I could talk about this with it was her, but I couldn't even tell her about the injections. The whole concept that I now had a new set of hormones flowing through my body was a subject I was not prepared to talk about. Maybe down the road or after this was all over, but for now the HRT was going to be a family secret.
I was wearing jeans with my ankle boots and a fitted ginger jersey top when I rang her door bell. When her mother answered the door she did not know it was me at first. My prominent bust-line clearly screamed woman, so it took her a few moments to put together that I was cross-dressing like her daughter. When the light in her head went off, she stumbled for her words.
"Now I see why Monica felt it was so important that she looked so boyish. I don't see one bit of a boy in front of me. I assume that you have been doing this long before the casting was made."
"No, Mrs. Collins. This is all new to me too. I think your daughter should get some of the credit for my changes. It was her passion for role play that led me down this transformative path. Without Monica, I would never have taken it this far."
"If you say so. You look very beautiful and quite natural.”
"Thank you. I am here to rehearse with your daughter."
"Yes, my 'NEW' son is waiting for you. You can go up to his room."
I was so focused on my own transformation that when I saw Monica I was not prepared for her new look. Monica had cut off most of her beautiful long hair. Her long dark hair was now cut in a boy's style which dramatically altered her appearance. With no makeup and her earrings removed she looked totally different. She was also wearing jeans, but on top was a One Republic t-shirt. The odd thing was that I could not observe her normally noticeable breast. She was pretty much flat on top. Every aspect of her look said I want to be a boy, but despite that she was still a girl. Her look was well done, but her facial features were still too pretty to get an observant person to mistake her for a boy. The fact that she was tall helped, but her appearance fell just short of being totally convincing.
Monica trying to look more like a boy
My obvious shock at her altered looks was a mutual emotion. Where as, I merely stared at Monica's makeover, she had to touch mine. She ran her hands through my highlighted and styled hair and ran her fingers over the studs in my ears. I was sure she was going to grab my new found cleavage, but instead she just chose to comment on them.
"You grew a pair of beautiful breasts. They totally look perfect on you. You are now a Babe."
"Uh thanks, Monica, my family went a little overboard in getting me ready for this thing."
"No way, starting tomorrow you are the new girl at school. You certainly will look the part."
"You too. I can't believe you cut your hair that short. It must have taken you forever to grow it so long. I don't see your breasts anymore either. I am sure nobody will ever question your commitment."
"When this is over I can always get extensions and at the moment I have my breasts sort of tied down. The breast thing is a little uncomfortable, but tomorrow we are going to have the school buzzing"
"I can hardly wait."
"Cut the sarcasm. You are going to be Ms. Popular. Not only will you be the respected center of attention, you are probably going to drive some of the guys crazy."
"Like I said, I can hardly wait."
"I will pick you up in the morning for the before school conference with the principal. It's kind of funny, but I hardly look anything like my driver's license photo anymore. I wish I could get one with the name Tony. You turn 16 soon. At least yours picture will look like you, even if the name doesn't match the image."
"Next month is going to be my birthday and I plan to get my license. I hope this school stuff does not cause me a problem. I really want to get my license."
"Mia, let's rehearse."
We read lines and chit-chatted for the rest of the afternoon. Monica's was surely the dominant personality in our new friendship. I took on the meeker personality and she was clearly much more gregarious. Some of the dynamics were the result of our newfound gender roles, but it was also part of who we always were. Spending the time being around her strong personality allowed me to slip even further into my feminine and more submissive character.
The acting was coming much more naturally as a result of the changes. Lines which only a few days ago I could not have said with a straight face, flowed with believable realism. I had work to do, but there was no longer any doubt in Monica's mind or even mine, that I could be successful playing the female lead.
I went home for dinner and to finish a small amount of remaining homework. I tried not to think too much about what lied ahead, but knew Monday would be a day I would never forget.
The morning sickness from the HRT was still with me, but not as bad as yesterday. It was a reminder that my body was going through internal changes in addition to the exterior rearrangements.
I wore a tunic styled dress with a wide belt, along tights and the pair of new MaryJane low heeled shoes. I had goosebumps as I shuffled into Monica's car. I could feel the cool air flowing under my flimsy soft dress and couldn't stop myself from continually flipping my loose new hairstyle. I did not go overboard on makeup, but there were obvious small touches. I knew I looked respectable, but I still had a high degree of uneasiness.
We entered the school before most students had arrived so we went pretty much unnoticed. Once inside the school office we met the receptionist and told her we had a meeting with the principal. She looked us over and smiled at us before walking into the principal's chamber. About a minute later we were waved into his office. Principal Johnson leaned forward in his chair as if to take a closer look with his disbelieving eyes.
"It took a lot of convincing from your theater director Mr. Jackson for me to approve this. It is obvious you two have taken this very seriously. Even more so than I had anticipated. I was not sure this was a good idea and still have reservations. Are you two certain that you want to go through with this? At minimum, you will receive some teasing from the student body. I can not condone that, but I also know it will be impossible to avoid some of it."
Monica spoke first, but tried to speak for both of us. "We have given this great thought and are completely committed to acting as the students you see in front of you."
"Does that go for you too, Nate."
"Yes, Mr. Johnson"
"This is something we have never had or done here at the school and if it causes any problems I am prepared to put a halt to it immediately. I expect you both to act appropriately and not disrupt other students. You are not celebrities and with a minimum of necessary special privileges, I expect you to act and behave as your chosen gender. Are we understood?"
We both nodded before Monica added that we would like to be referred to as Tony and Mia.
"Well, I guess that makes sense under the circumstances. I will have Ms. Jones take new pictures of each of you and provide you with new school IDs."
"Is that it Principal Johnson?"
"I will be monitoring this closely, but if you have problems or concerns, please come to me before it gets out of hand. On this sheet of paper are your modified schedules and a few phone numbers and special rules for you to abide by. Additionally, neither of you can participate in extracurricular sports for obvious reasons. You are dismissed."
We went to Ms. Jones and got our new photos taken and received our new IDs. She made us turn in our old ones. Without a driver's license this was my only picture ID, so I was even further into my deepening womanhood. Once in the hall Tony and I said our temporary goodbyes and agreed to meet after school to see how it went. I slowly made my way to my locker. Along the way I went without notice.
On my locker was a note that said welcome to Deerfield High School Mia. It was there that some of the students from theater were waiting for me. I received some wolf whistles and some applause. The attention served only to bring on more attention. Before I could make it to first period I had dozens of eyes and students checking me out.
Inside the physics lab I continued to draw a crowd until Mrs. Spector settled everyone down.
"Well Mia, you are obviously quite a sight young lady. I expect that today's distraction will not be repeated each day. Good luck with settling into your new lifestyle."
"Thank you and I will try and keep this out of the classroom."
As the day moved along, I went through multiple similar experiences and by day’s end the repeated scenes hardly fazed me. It was not all silky smooth, however, I did get a few intended insults from some students. I got called weirdo, faggot, sissy and she-male from various classmates, but fortunately it was not from anyone that I cared about. For the most part, other students thought it was kind of neat to be around me. I also had some social chats with some girls that I could never have gotten attention from. Everybody knew it was because of the school play, but the gender bending just seemed so anti-establishment and went over successfully.
When I saw Tony late in the day, he related similar but less intense experiences. Monica had always been part of the popular group so it was not quite as dramatic an increase in attention for Tony. As the final bell sounded it hit me that we had survived the day without any major incidents. The student formerly known as Nate had quickly disappeared in the glow of Mia. Now I was basically a popular girl instead of an invisible boy and I kind of enjoyed it.
That first day at school pretty much ended squeezed the last of my reluctance out of this adventure. I think my mother sensed the changes when we were home later. She even gave me a copy of Elle and InStyle magazines and told me I should keep up with trends. Later before bed she handed me two containers of pills and told me that I should take one of each before bed. She reminded me that for now, my body needed to adjust to the recent hormonal changes and that the pills would help with that. Whereas on Saturday the revelation that my father had put me on a strong program of Hormone Replacement therapy was a shock, the followup pills I took in stride. I took two as if it was my daily vitamin. In a strange way they were.
Each day at school the spectacle of our cross dressing became less of an issue and more routine. Between the constant motherly coaching and daily reinforcement I no longer had to think about being feminine, it was flowing naturally. The only new sensation was that I could feel my breasts becoming more sensitive. I was going to have to ask my Dad about that over the weekend. We had not directly spoken since the injections, but I had not been avoiding him. I know he felt bad about his sexual assumptions and I also thought it would be harder for him than me the next time we met or spoke.
On Sunday, my mother and I joined him for brunch at the Four Seasons. After some awkward first few words we settled into an enjoyable family get together. It was not often that we all ate together, but because of the unusual family dynamics that we were adjusting to, we thought it would be a nice time for us all to be together.
"Dad, I don't know if this is the right place to be asking this, but I have been having odd side-effects to the drugs."
"Like what, Mia?"
"Well of course I have had nausea, but that is almost gone. The last few days I have had tenderness on my chest and also some periods of feeling hot. Is this my body rejecting the drugs?
"Well, it is actually more the opposite. The hormones are beginning to take hold. Much of their impact may go unnoticed as they happen slowly. The fact that you feel those things means they are doing their job."
"The tenderness makes me more aware that I have breasts, even if they are fake."
"It could take months or even years to get all of the effects of the medication, but if you stay the course long enough, they will not be fake."
"How big would they become?" I squeamishly asked.
"It usually depends on family genetics. Your mother is very, how should I say, full there, so I suspect you would become well endowed as well."
I couldn't help but make a silly face when he said that. "That wouldn't happen for a long time, right?"
"It not like they grow over night. Your body is kind of going through puberty. Some girls change faster or slower than others. You might see a little more change than most girls because your body is doing some catchup with the boost of estrogen in your system and the anti-androgen. We will monitor your hormonal levels and I will let you know when they plateau. At that point you can decide whether to continue."
I was going to say no way, but even I had some doubts about what I wanted. I just kept my mouth shut on that comment, which in itself was probably an informal acknowledgment that I might consider that option.
It was hard to talk about other subjects like school without my dressing getting into the mix. We all made an effort not to make the conversation too heavy or ruin our rare group get together. Before my mother and I got into the car at the valet station had, my father gave me a tender hug and light tap of a kiss on my forehead. It felt genuine and it was something he would never have done with Nate.
There was not a lot of talking in the car, but mom made the point of saying, "Your father seems to be adjusting to his new daughter."
It wasn't until the fourth week of living completely as Mia that the official rehearsals were to begin. By this time all of the novelty of being the boy in dresses had passed. I think the perception of most of my classmates was that I was now one of the girls. There was still some popularity boost I was receiving, but a lot of that was because of all the new friends I had added. Between the kids at school and friends that heard about me on Facebook, I had a very visible presence. I had even been included in some of the group study gatherings of my new female friends. While they did use me for some good natured humor, for the most part I was treated as another girl. I certainly was no male threat to their social group.
It was quite a twist, but Monica used to spend a lot of time in these study groups, but lately had not been joining us. She was still good friends with the clan, but she was becoming more independent. When the group talked about boys they never gave a thought to consider myself as one of them.
It was near the end of the fourth week that one of the guys in the theater group asked me if I wanted to go to see the new movie 'Catching Fire' on Saturday. Just about everyone wanted to see the second 'Hunger Game installment, so I really didn't think much about his request. I was quick to say sure. He got pretty excited and said he would pick me up at 7:00.
When I mentioned to my Mom about my plans for Saturday she looked directly into my eyes and asked, “Do you think you are ready to date?”
Her matter of fact comment surprised me. “It’s just a movie.”
“Have you ever done anything with this boy before?”
“No, but I know him from theater.”
“Honey, who asked who?”
“Well he did, but…”
“It’s definitely a date Mia. If that’s what you want, then there is nothing wrong with it.”
“Mom, I know this has gone way overboard, but I am not gay.”
“I never said you were. I don’t think anyone who saw you would think it was a gay thing, not that anything is wrong with that either.”
“What are you saying? I should go out with a boy on a date?”
“I am not saying that, but you seem very happy since you began your journey and you might enjoy being treated as a girl by a boy. Is he cute?”
“MOM! Come on, he’s nice and all that, but… I guess he’s OK looking.”
“I am sure you will have a good time. I don’t know if it is the meds or just how you are adjusting, but I have noticed you have more of a glow recently. I suspect that I am not the only one that has noticed that. ”
“I don't know about that, but at least I no longer get nauseas in the mornings. That is a happy change. The only thing I am aware of, is that I am swelling a little around where I was previously just tender. In one breath that scares me, but in another it almost feels re-assuring.”
“The rest of your body also seems to be noticeably changing too. As long as you are mentally OK with this, we will deal with it as we go.”
On Friday at school we got called into the principals office during the health our wellness class. Neither Tony or I had any idea what was up, since we did not have any planned meeting scheduled.
Tony and I looked at each other like something was seriously wrong.
"I have received a call from a group of parents that think this masquerade is inappropriate for the school and sending a bad message to other students. They have threatened to take legal action if I don't put a stop to this."
I was first to bark, "We are not hurting anyone."
"I don't think you are either, but it puts the administration in an awkward position."
"Tony chimed in, "There is nothing illegal about students dressing in the opposite genders. Other schools have students that do that."
"Well Monica, that is true and it is false. The district follows similar protocols as most school systems when it comes to students dressing in the opposite gender. There are policies and rules to follow, but they are designed for transgendered students. We can make accommodations, but they were not meant to be for theater programs. The truth is, the parents are not focused on you Monica, and they just don't think a boy should be dressing as a girl. A majority of girls push the style gender lines, but the real problem lies with our Mia."
Again I got testy, "That's not fair!"
"Of course it is not, but the school is not in a position to defend itself in court. We would probably lose anyway. We have to follow our own rules, I am really sorry. I wish you could continue, but rules are rules."
"I still don't get it. I follow all the rules and am not hurting anyone. What would I have to do differently to appease those idiots?"
"Calm down, Mia. It is not so much the school rules which you have shown that you follow. The ability to cross dress at school is limited to students classified as transgendered. You have to have a psychologist's recommendation and be under his or her's ongoing care."
"So I could continue if I got a doctor’s recommendation?"
"Yes, but only if they said you were transgendered. That is a big reach from dressing to learn a theater part. That is a label we take seriously and you should too."
"But it is possible?"
"It would go on your permanent record at school. I would not approve it unless I believe you were serious. I am sorry, but the rules are there for a reason."
"Who is responsible for this complaint?"
"That is not important. There were three families that brought this to my attention together. If there was any other way, I would back you."
Monica was not happy, but nowhere near as dejected as me. As I heard the principal telling me I could not continue to dress like this, I came to the realization that I did not want it to end.
Monica commented, "So that's it, you are telling us it's over, now what?"
I want you both to go home later and talk to your parents about this and have them give me a call if they want to talk to me. I want you both to return to my office before school Monday so we can follow up. Monica, I expect you will tone down your fashion selections a little and Mia, I am afraid you will have to return to being Nate. We will get you new student IDs again at that time."
I was in near tears as I left his office. I was so upset that I asked to stay in the nurse’s station for a while to regain my composure. The nurse called my mother as part of her protocol. After sitting there in a depressed state for nearly a half hour, my mother walked into the sitting area. When I saw her, the tears began to flow anew.
I left school with my mother without returning to any classes. In the car I related the conversation and the ultimatum made by the Principal. It was not anything he had done, but rather I was not emotionally prepared to be returning to being Nate. I had become so accustomed to my new identity that changing back felt unthinkable.
It was in this discussion that I put to words what had become almost obvious; I wanted to remain as Mia. This experience had transcended a learning opportunity for a play, it was now a role of a lifetime. In the process of preparing myself I had found self discovery. I now knew that this lifestyle was what I wanted and no matter what it took, I did not ever want to go back to being Nate.
I had been led down this path by the strong hand of others, but the journey now belonged to me. I still was learning what it is to be a woman, but I had never felt so comfortable in my skin as I had these past few weeks. The physical changes were visibly emerging and I welcomed them.
My mother and father along with an initial assist from Monica had put me in the fast lane along the transgender highway. Only now, as if to pass the responsibility, did my mother ask me if this was absolutely what I wanted. I had emotionally become her daughter and now the physical changes were beginning to catch up, but this is when she asked me to tell her definitively that I wanted to be a girl. The timing always seemed strange when Ilooked back at it. She seemed almost relieved as I stated what she probably knew for a long time. "Yes mother, I want to be a girl."
"Well honey, I have been waiting to hear you say that. You know we will support you and help you grow into the lovely lady that was your apparent destiny. There will be many steps and it will all take time, but you should eventually have almost no limitations in your future. I am sure that someday after you get married you can make me a Grandma by adopting. I just want you to be happy.
My father was equally unsurprised by my pronouncement. In fact he had already lined up specialists to take on my case as soon as I had committed. As a Senior Doctor on staff at Evanston Hospital he knew the best specialists and was able to handle my unusual head start with discretion. It only took a quick phone call and I had a letter from a psychologist to inform the school that I was transgendered and under psychological counseling.
My roller-coaster of emotions had bottomed out and was back on an upswing. I was no longer pretending anything, I was Mia. As it turned out, the first student to learn of my intended path was Josh on Saturday night. My mother was correct and Josh looked at our movie night as a date. After the movie when I told him that I planned to stay as Mia, his reaction was not that different than my father's.
Out with Josh on my first date
"I kind of figured. No one can look and act as girlish as you, if they were really a boy. I know it was probably a little crazy for me to ask you out and all, but whenever I saw you, I couldn't help but excited. You are one of the cutest girls in the school."
His comment caught me a little off guard and at a loss for immediate words. Instead of just thanking him for his sweet statement, I gave him a quick peck on his cheek.
I think he took that as a go sign and he returned my gesture with a full kiss on the lips. I didn't have much kissing history to compare it with, but I was pretty sure I liked it. Before he dropped me back off at home, we had repeated that activity a few times, with each kiss lasting a little longer that the previous one. I know doubt was feeling and reacting like the girl Josh saw me as.
I had discovered that Josh and I were more than friends
The next three months prior to opening night of the play, I went through some significant physical changes. I had developed sufficiently that I no longer wore the breast inserts. My mother bought me some padded bras with smaller cup sizes, which made me feel much more comfortable. I did wear inserts for the play as my character was written for a physically more mature woman than I had attained in only a few months. The significant growth I had already experienced left little doubt that I had some of my mother genes in my blood.
The school play turned out to be a huge success. Both Monica and I were given long ovations. Monica proved to all what a great actress she was by playing a boy with amazing skill. I was equally applauded, but by the time of the first production, playing a girl was no longer an act. The hardest scenes for me were when I had to kiss Tony. Even though she looked a lot like a boy, I knew she was a girl and kissing a girl felt almost unnatural. I tried to pretend she was Josh during those encounters.
Before summer arrived I had my driver’s license and it read Mia Natalia Adams. Spring was so full of firsts and it was certainly a sweet 16 birthday to remember. One of those firsts was Prom, but that’s a whole other story.
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