Previously…

I thought that the dress was a bit short and tried to pull the hem down, but it didn’t help and I hoped against hope that my knickers would not show under the rather thin tights. Then I wondered if my flat chest would be held against me — oh you know what I mean! Alicia had budding breasts and I had nothing to speak of.

I licked my slippery red lips as I made my way to the library and after nodding to the butler who had somehow appeared out of the woodwork, he opened the door and motioned me in. My heart was banging like a big base drum as I walked in, my low heels clicking on the marble floor and my bare knees trembling like jelly.

‘Ah there you are,’ said Auntie Dulcie as she got up from a sofa and walked over to me, looking cool and sophisticated in a pale cream dress. Uncle Harry was on the phone and looking out of the window.

‘Hmm,’ said Auntie, as she gave me the once over. ‘Not bad, too much makeup, but that’s Alicia for you. At your age and with your skin, a light touch is better and I don’t really approve of mascara for young girls. You have lovely lashes dear, why hide them?

‘Sorry,’ I said looking down at the floor, my hair curtaining my face, feeling all self-conscious.

‘Don’t apologise dear, look at me.’

I looked up at her lovely face as she pulled my hair away from my face.

‘Never apologise for what you are; be proud and hold your head up.’

Just then I heard a tinkle as Uncle Harry put the phone down.

He turned my way and I could see the surprise in his eyes. Last time he saw me, I was in riding gear and maybe I was shocking him, the way I looked now, I mean.

I wanted the earth to swallow me up. He was going to laugh or shout at me or worse throw me out on my ear...

Auntie had her hand on my shoulder.

‘Well Harry, what do you think of young Lucinda here?’

And now the story continues…

I looked down on the white and black checked marble floor. Funny that, the floor was the same colour as my dress. Maybe I would be camouflaged and he wouldn’t see me...

‘Hello again Lucinda.’

His voice was full of warmth and friendliness. Maybe he wasn’t going to bite my head off after all.

I looked up, all self-conscious and wondering if he was just toying with me. I had had so many bad things going on with my life up to now, would this be another ‘bad thing’?

His face was nice, I hadn’t realised when I saw him earlier; he had laughter lines around his eyes. He was so tall and athletic. Somehow I wanted to have those strong arms around me. I was desperate for a hug but no, these were silly thoughts. I was just a boy dressed up as a girl as far as he was concerned...

I looked down again and I could hear steps coming towards me.

He was in front of me now. He had nice highly polished black shoes on...

A finger went under my chin and pushed gently upwards.

‘Don’t look down, look up and be proud of what you are.’

‘What am I?’ I asked in a small voice.

‘As far as I can see a very pretty girl. Are you a pretty girl or a boy, just pretending?’

I looked at his face. That smile was still there so he wasn’t disgusted with what he saw.

‘A g...girl.’ I whispered in a small almost inaudible voice.

‘That’s good; I like a girl who knows her mind. Now come and sit down by the window and we can all have a chat about what can be done for you.’

Auntie looked at me encouragingly and soon we were all sat in easy chairs with a coffee table laden with cakes and cola for me and tea for the older ones. Nothing was said while the maid dished out the goodies and it was only after her short bobbed courtesy and then almost silent leaving of us that the Duke spoke.

‘Well this is nice; tuck in Lucinda or I’ll nab that rather nice and scrummy cream cake.

I giggled at that and after a look at Auntie, who looked amused, I picked up the cake and took a rather unladylike chunk out of it.

They both laughed at that!

‘Well Lucinda, you have a few boy like traits that might need ironing out!’ said Auntie Dulcie, smiling.

‘Sorry,’ I said and nearly sprayed her with crumbs. What a way to break the tension, well it was a delicious cake!

After carefully cleaning my creamy mouth with a lace hanky supplied by Auntie and looking at the red lipstick stain on the once pristine white material, I realised that I was being spoken to.

‘Sorry?’ I said, looking up suddenly

‘I think,’ said Uncle Harry, ‘that my wife will put it all better than me, what has been decided, I mean–with your approval, of course.

I turned to look at Auntie, who had just taken a sip of tea.

She put her cup and saucer gently down on the table and then looked at me.

‘Alright Lucinda; whilst you and my silly niece have been cleaning up the mess you two created in your bedroom...’

‘Sorry about that.’

She smiled and continued. ‘I was young once, you know.’

‘Was you? Oh sorry, that was rude!’

The duke snorted for some reason and after a black look at him from the duchess he continued.

‘As I say, I’ll let Dulcie continue,’

‘Right Lucinda, pay attention girl and stop looking down, you aren’t in any trouble,’

I looked up at her, wondering why I was so touchy at the moment and full of self doubt. Then I remembered my circumstances and why I was there and I knew full well why I felt that way.

‘My husband and I have spoken at length, last night on the telephone and today when he got back from Cannes. We agreed on a course of action and have made a number of phone calls. We are, for our sins, foster carers. We have in the past taken on any number of children with problems, mainly on a short term basis. I myself could never have children and I suppose, Alicia is as close as we can get to having our own child.’

‘I’m sorry,’

‘Don’t be; we have had a wonderful life and have helped many children. The long and short of it is that the council are willing for us to look after you for the moment. The will be send someone around to us in the next few days to have a chat with you. There are issues that need to be addressed, but nothing that need concern you. Also, you will have to see a doctor regarding your health and also gender issues. My doctor is Janice Ellis, she is a brick and sympathetic to your problems. She might, indeed probably will refer you on to someone with experience of the type of issues you have, but once again, you need not worry as we will be with you all the way. What do you think?’

‘You have both been very nice,’ I said in a choked voice. I was apt to cry at anything recently.

‘Never mind all that, we love to help. Now off you go and find Alicia and then come back in here. We need to get you some of your own clothes.’

‘Does that mean shopping?’ I said, for some reason feeling excited at the thought.

‘Yes, you can’t wear other girls’ clothes; you need some of your own, so off you go and get Alicia. If I know her, she will not be averse to a shopping trip!

I got up and on an impulse, ran over to Auntie Dulcie and Uncle Harry and gave them both a big hug. Before they could say anything though, I was out of there like a scared rabbit, hoping that I had not gone over some sort of boundary, by showing so much familiarity. They didn’t seem at all stuck up. They were nice people!

Alicia was up in her room painting her nails a vivid pink colour. I rather liked the colour but had no time to ask her to repaint my nails because as soon as I said the magic word ‘shopping’. She was jumping about like a cat on a hot tin roof, getting herself ready and then making sure that I was appropriately dressed for the occasion.

Before my feminine metamamorphwhatsit, it had been a sort of mysterious to me how anyone could get excited about going shopping. When I was younger and my mum had dragged around the shops, all I could remember was how boring the whole experience was. Now, I felt different. I was excited at the prospect of owning my own clothes and not just pinching them as and when required. Then I had a thought.

‘Alicia.’

‘What?’ She asked as she pulled on her shoes.

‘How am I going to pay for the clothes; I have no money?’

‘Don’t worry about that, Auntie and Uncle are loaded.’

‘I don’t want charity,’

‘But you were willing to pinch things.’

I sat on her bed and the water works started again. She immediately came over and gave me a hug.

‘Sorry Luce, that was a tad insensitive,’

‘Maybe,’ I sniffed, ‘but it’s true. Before, I didn’t even think that it was particularly wrong to steal. My Dad did it and it seemed like fun and maybe a bit dangerous, but now, I see it for what it is. Stealing taking things from others, pure and simple.’

‘Here, dry your eyes with this tissue before your mascara runs.’

‘Your Auntie doesn’t approve of too much makeup.’

‘What does she know; she’s ancient.’

We both looked at each other and giggled. She did cheer me up!

Soon we were downstairs waiting with Auntie for the chauffeur to bring the Rolls to the front of the house, mansion or whatever.

I was wearing a loose fitting, below the knee lemon dress and a cardigan as it was not cold enough for a coat. Alicia was wearing a similar dress, but in sky blue.

‘Easy to get in and out of when you have heaps to try on,’ said the practical and experienced one.

I had my hair in a plait, a bit short, but nice as it kept my hair out of my eyes and tickled the back of my neck as the bottom was tied off with a yellow ribbon.

Auntie only raised one eyebrow at the sight of us, so I assumed that we passed inspection.

Tadminster was the largest town in the county and it took us about forty-five minutes to get there. By a quirk of fate, we passed The School and I sort of slinked or is that slunk down in my seat as we went by. Alicia giggled for some reason as I sat back up again once we had passed my scene of crime. Auntie was reading the Times and didn’t notice, I was please to say.

Anyway, we soon arrived in Tadminster and we were dropped off outside a rather plush department store called Hillier and Hillier. I had heard of H&H, of course. It was an up market shop built on the lines of Harrods, but more exclusive. People came from hundreds of miles away to window shop, the prices being in the main, mind boggling.

We swept in through the large imposing doors– well Auntie Dulcie swept and I did my by now famous slink thing, trying not to be noticed, while Alicia, once again had a fit of the giggles at the sight of me. I nearly sloshed her one with my hand bag. Yes, I know, I’m too young for a hand bag, but in my defence, it was more of a shoulder bag and it held sweets, a spare pair of knickers, a hankie and other essentials like the makeup emergency repair kit. Boys have pockets, girls have hand and or shoulder bags– sometimes I thought that boys have it easy.

I nearly stopped in my tracks at that thought. I was thinking more and more like a girl and if my boy side was dead and gone. Did I want that, did I want to forget what I was?

Could this all be a ghastly mistake and...

‘Lucinda, do keep up.’

I was pulled out of my reverie by Auntie’s rather severe tone and I smiled. I did know who I was– Lucinda; and I wanted it to stay that way. I wouldn’t forget my past; it was part of me, but I knew in my bones that I was a girl–a sometimes scared and confused girl but nevertheless a real one in my eyes. Others might not think so, but I would deal with that when I needed to.

Alicia had already dived headlong into some racks of clothes and I dived in after her. Auntie had seen someone she knew in a mink coat and let us loose on the poor unsuspecting sales staff. I was given an armful of dresses by a gushing and over the top Alicia to try on and was led to a cubicle like a lamb to the slaughter. Alright, a bit of poetic licence there as I was a very willing lamb.

The youngish woman with ‘Sharon’ on her gold name tag was put in charge of ‘my wardrobe’ and she looked on with a slightly shell shocked expression as Alicia showed me how she shopped ‘her way’.

As I tried some of the dresses on in the rather restricted but thankfully individual cubical with a door on, I nearly fainted at the prices. I would have to wash a lot of dishes to pay for even one of the dresses.

Anyway, I put these thoughts aside as I tried on dress after dress, after dress.

They were all colours and fabrics, short medium and long, silk, satin, cotton and other materials that I had no idea what were called, but almost all felt wonderful on me, even though a few of them were far too old and sophisticated...there I go again, burbling away. Well that’s how I felt.

I had to go outside after putting on each dress and there were Auntie, Alicia and Sharon; to decide in some sort of loose committee system whether to give the yea or the nay regarding the dress I was wearing.

After a goodly pile, erm, piled up, I was handed skirts, blouses, jumpers, cardi’s, coats, shoes, boots, slippers and other things too numerous to mention and given the same appraisal by my betters.

Then there were the under garments, I’m too much of a young lady to mention my unmentionables, but the things we bought were in the main plain and functional but some were truly scrumptious.

Nearly three hours later, I was flagging but the others seemed as fresh as daisies as we went up to the top floor and visited H&H’s famous Tea Rooms.

My new wardrobe was being bagged up, packed and sent home via one of the shop’s well known and recognised yellow and brown vans. By the time we got back, I was told, the clothes would be hanging in my wardrobes (I had two, wasn’t I lucky) on in my chest of drawers.

We sat and had tea and tiny sandwiches followed by dinky little cakes. Looking at Auntie Dulcie and Alicia, they seemed very fresh and ready for round two, given the chance, but I was tired too many late nights and shocks to my system, so after we had finished, we made our way downstairs past the grateful shop manager and other employees who had ‘helped’ and finally into the Rolls. No money appeared to have changed hands, but I assumed that money was a dirty word there and that some sort of mind bogglingly large account would be sent in due course.

As I sank into the soft leather seat, I sighed, this was one day I would never forget. The others were talking excitedly–Alicia hadn’t missed out on some clothes either, so she was happy. I shut my eyes; the smooth ride had made me even sleepier than I thought...

I awoke with a start as we pulled up outside the shack where I was now living.

Alright it wasn’t a shack, but it woke you up too!

Alicia nudged me in the ribs and Auntie looked on with an amused expression on her face as I was pushed out of the car before the Alfred, the chauffeur had a chance to fully open the door for us.

‘Oof,’ he said as the door caught his rather ample tummy.

‘Sorry,’ I said, even though it was Alicia doing the pushing.

We ran up the steps–two at a time. Somehow I had my energy back and I was ready, willing and able to try on all the clothes that had been bought. The large doors opened and there was the butler, in all his glory. Normally there was a slight smile on his face, but this time he looked a bit unhappy.

‘What’s wrong Mr Dawes,’ said Alicia brightly.

‘Erm, nothing Miss,’

Auntie Dulcie by this time had followed us up the steps.

‘Problem Dawes?’

‘The Duke is in the Library with some...people, Milady.’

He looked pointedly at me and then back at Auntie. What was going on here?

‘Girls, pop of upstairs and make sure that all the clothes have arrived. I will be up to see you in a moment.’

After looking at each other and shrugging, Alicia and I did as we were told and went upstairs to my room the strange remarks by the butler forgotten.

Everything had been unpacked and put away. Now that was what I called service!

Soon we had everything out and on the bed, chairs and everywhere else.

We had lots of fun trying on the clothes and it was amazing how different you can look, just by changing a dress style and colour!

I had just put on a cream mini dress and wondering if I would show too much in the knickers department when Mr Dawes knocked and entered. It was a good job that we were not, shall we say, showing anything that we shouldn’t. A few minutes earlier, and it would have been different!

‘Sorry, I did not realise...’

‘That’s all right Mr Dawes,’ said Alicia brightly.

‘Dawes, please Miss Alicia.’

‘Whatever. What up then?’

He turned to me.

‘Your presence is required in the Library Miss.’

‘What about me?’ asked Alicia?

‘You presence is expressly not desired, Miss Alicia– his Lordships exact words.’

‘Well, I like that. Luce is my friend and where she goes, I should go.’

‘Her Ladyship did say that if you were not cooperative, she would find some work for you to do. An example being that the pig sty was in need of spring cleaning.’

‘On second thoughts Lucinda, I think that I’ll go to my room and have a lie down. I feel a bit faint.’

I giggled at that and followed the stately butler out of the room, along the long corridor with portraits of long dead family members, down the marble staircase, along yet another portrait infested corridor to the library.

I wondered what all this was about. Was I in trouble again?

The butler knocked, opened the door for me and sort of evaporated from behind me; neat trick that.

The Duchess was sitting sipping tea and the Duke was pacing the room. They did not seem very happy.

Auntie looked up with a smile that seemed a bit forced.

‘Sit down Lucinda dear, we have to talk.’

I sat down, very conscious of the length or rather the brevity of my skirt. I cross my legs at the ankles and held my knees together and hoped that it would help.

Uncle went over to the huge fireplace and stood by it; seemed to take a deep breath and then turned to me.

‘Lucinda, a problem has arisen. When you told us about your life and the things that you have done, we felt that it was only fair that the authorities be told about the thefts including the pawn shop one. We thought that to do otherwise would be wrong and that at some stage, someone would put two and two together and come up with your name. We were going to tell you about this course of action before we went ahead with it. Your circumstances are such, that in our opinion and the opinion of our solicitor, you would not be prosecuted and would therefore be able to continue with your life with having your previous problems hanging over you.’

‘What’s happened?’ I asked suddenly feeling a bit sick.

Auntie spoke up.

‘Events rather took over, before we could discuss matters with you and then the authorities. Solomon Worth, the man you sold the goods too was caught yesterday trying to sell some of the things you gave him. To lesson his chances of a long sentence he named you as the one who stole the articles.’

‘Oh no.’

‘Goldstein the Pawnbroker was approached and he has insisted that charges be brought against you, even though you are a minor and have had terrible things happen to you.’

I looked down, my thoughts whirling with emotion. So I was going to be punished. I almost missed what Auntie said next.

‘...solicitor is on the case and he will be at the police station tomorrow morning. A couple of policemen have just left. Luckily we know one of them and he is satisfied that you will present yourself at the police station at 9.00am. We will, of course come with you and I am sure we can sort this mess out once and for all. Lucinda dear, look at me.’

I looked up, eyes stinging and tears coursing down my face and dripping onto my lovely new dress.

‘What I told you holds true now, more than ever. We are with you on this and we will ensure that no harm will come to you. Your circumstances are such that no hearing could possibly blame you for the things that you have done, even if it ever went to juvenile court–which is debateable. Our solicitor believes that you had strong mitigating circumstances that drove you to what you did.’

They both spoke some more and to be honest it all went in one ear and out of the other. I knew what would happen. I was under their roof but as a friend of Alicia’s, nothing else. They had been charitable and kind, but I knew when it came down to it, no amount of influence on their part would stop me be prosecuted and put in a young offenders institution or borstal.

‘I was,’ as my dad would say, ‘bang to rights or guilty as charged.’

After a while, I said that I had a headache and went up to my room. Only it wasn’t my room was it. I had no room or home of my own now. This was all temporary. Within a few days, I would be taken to some God forsaken place and locked away, just like my dad had been. How would I be treated? Would I be bullied, called a girl–let’s face it, I looked more like a girl than a boy– and suffer because I was a bit different from ‘normal’ boys?

I would have my hair cut short. I would be put in rough boys’ clothes and made to act like a boy.

But I wasn't a boy.

It was all too much.

I got up and went over to the window. Looking out, I saw the extensive lawns, woodland, lakes, ornamental gardens and beyond that the fields. To my left I saw a glint of light reflecting off something. The road, with cars passing the estate...

Cars...

Road...

I would leave–escape, if you like. I wouldn’t be taken away. I would not allow them to put me away....

I jumped; there was a cough behind me. Spinning around, there was Auntie just inside the doorway; I hadn’t heard her come in.

‘It wouldn’t work you know,’

‘What?’

‘Running away.’

‘How did you know?’

‘Because that would have been in my thought too in your circumstances. There is a time when you have to face up to things or you will be running away from something for the rest of your life. Do you really want that, to be looking over your shoulder, wondering if the next hand on your shoulder was someone you fear to see?’

I thought for a moment and turned back to look out of the window again. I saw a young deer– a doe, I think– run across the lawns on the far side of the lake and disappear into some woods. She was free, able to go where she liked, not troubled by anything more than where her next meal would come from. I wondered fleetingly if she was part of a herd, or like me, an outcast.

I shuddered, hating to be part of nothing. I missed my mum and my dad...

I felt arms go around my shoulders and I turned around and buried my head in Aunties chest and cried my eyes out.

She made soothing noises and stroked my longish hair. After a minute or two, I drew away and looked up at the kind, concerned eyes.

‘Auntie?’

‘Yes Dear?’

‘I’m tired of running,’

To Be Continued...

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Please leave comments…thanks! ~Sue

Forgive my errors and spelling mistakes. I do try, in fact my friends say that I'm very trying!