In the Psychiatrists Chair

In the Psychiatrists Chair

by

Samantha Michelle Davies (SamanthaMD)

“Ms Simpson would you please come in?”
The tall slim woman who was leafing through a woman’s periodical put it down, stood up and after picking up her handbag she went through the door into the doctors consulting room.

The doctor, who was also a woman, closed the door behind them.
“Please take a seat” said the doctor.

They both sat down.
“Well Lindsey, how is it going? Its been a little over three months since you started out on your new life. I’m interested to know how you are getting on”

“Thank you doctor” said Lindsey.

“I’m getting on fine. It was really strange at first but I’m starting to get the hang of this ‘woman thing’. In fact, I really like having to come here. It gives me a chance to look really feminine for a change”
“Would you care to explain that last sentence?”
Lindsay chuckled.
“Most of the week, I’m in a boiler suit and wellies. Apart from going to church on a Sunday, my visits here are the only time I get the chance to dress nicely and put on a decent amount of ‘slap’”
“Ah yes, the farm. How is the farming business?”
“Well, I was really lucky to employ Bert. He is a wizard with the pigs. He really likes those rare breeds. We have Gloucester Old Spots & we acquired a pair of British Saddlebacks last month. The Sow is going to produce our first litter next week. My Chickens are also doing well. We sold virtually all the flock at the farmers market in Bristol last week”
“No downsides then?”
“Of course there are. One of the old spot sows rolled onto two of her piglets a few weeks ago. Bert had to put them down. And with all the ministry regulations, it took me nearly a whole day to complete the paperwork relating to their deaths”

“What about the upsides?”
“Oh there are so many. Selling proper food that tastes good is my aim. The Bacon butties fly off the stall at the farmers markets. They are our main source of income but we are now supplying two local hotels with eggs, chickens and pork. We are starting to get known which is what it is all about.”
Then Lindsey laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“We had a real surprise the other morning. Bert went out to the small field where we have the Sow’s and their newly born piglets. There was a real commotion going on. In one corner were two Old spot Sow’s. Cowering in the corner was a Fox. He had gotten into the field and went after a piglet. He didn’t recon on the protective nature of the Sows. We literally had to rescue this fox from the jaws of these two huge Sows. They would have killed him if we hadn’t come along in time”
“Did you expect it to be like this?”
“I didn’t know what to expect. Of course I had some experience on the city Farm as a child but it was a big step into the real world. Luckily, Bert and his wife are a big help. I know one thing for sure though. This really beats my old life. I wouldn’t go back to it for all the tea in India & China”
“As Yes. Your Old life. Do you miss anything about it?”

“What life it was eh? Selling fruit & veg on a street market and a bit of petty crime on the side. I was just like my old Dad. He was what my gran called a ‘spiv’. I was too. Then my life changed forever. I didn’t expect it to change like it has but I think about this a lot. I have no regrets at all and I wouldn’t want to go back to it at all”
“Even though you can’t keep in contact your family? I know you were pretty close to your Mother?”
“Yes. I do have regrets about that. I discussed the possibility of me having to disappear before I gave evidence against the Russian Mafia at the ‘Bailey. She was clear that I should testify and if I had to go away then she would have to get used to it. We devised a way I could let her know that I was ok and the same for her that didn’t involve any direct contact. She knows I’m alive but has no clue as to my whereabouts or what I look like these days. I think she would approve though. She would probably say that ‘I scrub up well’.”
“I think you miss her more than you realise. Am I correct?”
“Of course I miss her. That is only natural. I have a picture of her by my bed. But I know that if I contacted her directly then I would put us both in terrible danger”
“Do you think about the trial and what was said there?”
“Yes. I do. As I said before, I have no regrets. I’d do it again in an instant. What they did was beyond the pale even for hardened criminals”
“What about the threats they made on your life?”

“Even those. Sure they put out a contract on me.  £100,000 is a lot of money to have on one’s head. But do you really think that any bounty hunters are going to look for someone like me?”
“Yes you may have a point there. Do you like the… the changes that you have gone through?”
Lindsey laughed.
“Well I have to say that when I saw my face after the surgery, I almost cried. It did get better. ~Now, yes I kinda like my new face. Especially my nose. I broke it as a child when my gym bag got caught in the front wheels of my bike and I tried to dig the road up with it and my teeth. My teeth as well are much better. The implants were hard to get used to until they healed. Now I have perfect teeth, a nice nose and a much softer jaw line. I do like the new me I see in the mirror every day”
“Any regrets about losing your old face?”
“None whatsoever. Shaving was a real chore. I really hated it so I’m glad all those hours under the laser are over and I’ll never have to do it again”
“Did you ever think about growing a beard?”
Lindsay laughed.
“Yeah. Once. I stopped shaving for two weeks and I looked really silly. It was all uneven and blotchy. More like ‘bum fluff’ than a real beard”

“What about the other changes?”
“Oh you mean these?” said Lindsey cupping her breasts.
“Yes?”
“Well at first, they got in the way especially on the farm. They really have a mind of their own at times. So I normally wear ‘sports’ bra’s. Today is nice as I can wear nice lacy undies. These do feel better. I love the feel of silk against the skin”
It was the turn of the doctor to giggle.
“And their size?”
“Well at first, I acted like a man and wanted them bigger but now? No way. 36B is fine. Now I appreciate the effects that they have on a body a bit more than I did before. Before I got my own, actually feel sorry for those women who are burdened with really huge breasts”
“What about further down?”
“Straight to the point as always doctor. No I’m not getting rid of it yet. I know it’s next to useless tucked away there but there is still part of my psyche that wants to father a child. I know this of sort of warped but there may come a time when I will decide, the time has come to get rid of my ‘manhood’ and get a vagina but not yet. Of that I’m certain”

“What about if you met a man and became romantically involved?”
Lindsay broke down with laughter.
“You have to be joking don’t you?”
“I’m perfectly serious Lindsay” said the doctor firmly.
“I am not attracted to men. Certainly not any of the men I meet on a daily basis.”
“So you are a lesbian then?”
“If you want to call it that, yes. Remember, even though I dressed up as a woman as a child and even went out with my Sisters as the fourth one, I did get married albeit disastrously, I was always turned on by women. I still am. As the only boy in a family of women, I was always more comfortable around women than men. If all that constitutes being a lesbian then I suppose you can label me as one”
The doctor thought carefully for a moment.
“Are you dating anyone?”

Lindsay laughed.
“I’ve not even thought about it. I’m not sure how a pair of Lesbians would be received where I live. Look doctor. If I meet someone that I find interesting then possibly yes, I’ll give it a go regardless of the sex of that person. At the moment, I’m too tired at the end of a day to want to care about getting romantically involved with someone else”
“You seem very clear on that?”
“Perfectly. I would also have to consider the safety of that person as well. Its not like I have a clean background is it. There is a lot of baggage in my past. Until I’m confident that I am safe from pursuit then its just not worth it. Is it?”
“Would you tell that someone about the past and who you once were?”
“I’d have to wouldn’t I? I mean, it’s not fair on them. I couldn’t live a lie with them. Its ok for me but to involve someone else is well, just not possible really. Do you approve of my point of view?”
“I’m not sure. It would be a lot easier if you were… were more of a woman physically”
“Ha Ha. I’m glad you didn’t say anatomically. Yes it would but I’m sure you once had a vision of your ideal partner? Well I do. To me that is someone who would take me as I am and love me for it”
“Isn’t that a bit idealistic?”

“Yes it is. Certainly is. But as I said, I’m not in the market for a relationship at the moment”
“Has anyone… anyone come on to you yet?”
“Oh yes. At the last Young Farmers do, several of the not so young ones tried to get me into the haystack. Now I know they were somewhat worse for wear with all that scrumpy that was being served but I found it flattering but I declined politely. Then Bert put it out that I’m not interested in a… how did he put it? ‘Are you up for quick shag in the back of a Land Rover’? That cooled their passion down. It also stopped many of their partners & wives from being jealous of me”
“So you are better looking than many of the local women your age?”
Lindsey smiled.
“To be honest, yes I am. Thanks to the many hours I spent on the operating table. I certainly would not want to get a reputation for being an easy lay even if I were physically a woman. The place is too small a community for that. I wouldn’t be able to live there for very long if I did”
“Have any of the other women told you ‘keep off’?”
“Not in so many words. But I quickly learned that the local hairdressers, was the centre of the local gossip. I let it be known that I was not in the dating game and that their men were safe with me around. Now several of them are my friends”

“So you have some female friends then?”
“Yes I do. Once you get pass the ‘country bumpkin’ aurora they put on for strangers then most of them are just nice ordinary people”
“Most?”
Lindsey chuckled.
“Yes. There are two, to but it bluntly first class bitches in the town. They seem to spend all their time starting and spreading rumours. They tried with me and got rapidly put in their place.”
“Would you care to elaborate?”
“Certainly. They started this rumour that I was seen going into a hotel in the next town with another man. This man was a local farmer who had a wife and two children. Well, I heard about it and was shocked. At the time I was supposed to be getting into bed with this poor man, I was with the local vet and Bert in my pig shed.”
“What did you do?”
“I went to see the family mentioned in the rumour them accompanied with Bert. Once Bert explained to her the facts, she calmed down and we plotted our revenge. The following weekend there was a Young Farmers BBQ. Everyone was going so we prepared a little surprise in the shape of a very deep and smelly cess pit. Then I taunted them both. They legged it towards me and fell headlong into the pit. They were the laughing stock of the event”

“And how are they now?”
“Vitriolic Snakes is probably the bet way to describe them and how they feel towards me. But now no one in the town believes a word they say. I made a few more friends as a result of that little event”
“Are they going to be a problem to you in the future?”
“I’m not sure doctor. I’ll have to face that event if it happens”
The doctor looked at her wall clock.
“I think we had better wrap it up there. Is there anything else you want to say today?”
Lindsay thought for a moment.
“I have to confess that I’ve become a bit of an addict”
Suddenly the doctor looked serious.

“Don’t worry doc. Every time I come here, I have to walk past this shop that sells the most fantastic shoes. I can’t resist buying another pair of high heels”
The both laughed.

Lindsay stood up and shook the doctor’s hand as they said their farewells.
“See you in 6 months eh doc?”
“Only if you think you need it Lindsay?”
“Oh I think i will. How else is a woman going to build up her collection of heels?”

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Two months later

“Good morning Doctor. I’m glad you were able to fit me in at such short notice”
“That’s ok. I’m usually in here from 8:00am. I normally review my appointments for the day and such. Please help yourself for the Coffee. I treat myself to one good cup a day.”
“Thanks” replied Lindsay helping herself to the freshly brewed begerage.

“Come into my office and we can begin”

The two women went into the Doctors office. She closed the door behind them.
“What is it that is so urgent that I couldn’t wait for our next appointment?” asked the doctor.
“Straight to the point?”
“If it is urgent then there is no sense in pussyfooting around is there?”

“Yes. I suppose so.”
Lindsay took a drink of her coffee.
“I think I have screwed things up. I mean really messed it up good and proper”
“Is it to do you’re your past?”
“Not directly no. I did however do something very silly”
“I normally take Thursday afternoons off. I get my hair done, go shopping and then in the evening, I go to the local Women’s Institute”
The doctor chuckled to herself
“The WI starts at 7:00pm so instead of going home, getting something to eat and then driving the 10 miles back into town, I go to the library and read the weeks newspapers and then just after six, I go to the George Hotel and have a bar meal. The WI meet in the Church Hall just a few yards down the road. Over the weeks, I have gotten to know the Librarian in the Reference Section of the Library. She is also a WI member. It’s nice to have female company.”
Lindsay took another swig of her coffee.

“Anyway, last Thursday, it was my turn to make the teas & coffees during the break in proceedings at the WI. Susan, the librarian volunteered to help me. So about 10 minutes before the interval, we slipped away to get things ready. Everything went well and after the interval, we washed up and cleared everything away. Then it happened.”
Lindsay paused.
After about 10 seconds, the doctor said
“Continue”
“Oh sorry”
“Anyway, we were just bagging up the leftover cakes for people to take home when for some reason I relay don’t know, I grabbed hold of Susan and kissed her. Not just a peck you understand but to put it bluntly, a full on snog. She responded. Then I panicked and fled. Not just out into the hall but out of the building and into my car. I sat for what seemed a long time, shaking. Eventually, that stopped and I started it up and began my drive home. I had just left the car park and turned onto the High Street when I saw Susan running after me waving furiously. My Panic returned and I put my foot down and left town.”
“What happened when you got home?”
“I didn’t go home. I was going the wrong way out of town. I just drove and drove. Eventually, I reached the coast. I realised where I was. It was Lyme Regis. I sat in my car on the sea front until dawn. I went down onto the Cobb walked to the end just like Merryl Streep did in the ‘French Lieutenants Woman’. I stood there watching the sun come up oblivious to everything going on around me.”

“How long were you there?”
“Over an hour. I was just staring blankly out to sea when a Policeman came to see if I was all right. A fisherman had reported seeing me just standing there for a long time”
“Was it a shock?”
“It was. It sort of engaged my brain. I thanked the policeman for his concern. He was concerned about my red eyes. I had to think of something that he would believe. I explained that I had been crying as I had just broken up with my boyfriend after I found him in bed with my best friend. He seemed to buy that as he asked me if he could walk me back to my car”
“Did you let him?”
“No. I asked if there was somewhere I could get a cup of tea. He said that there was a café open just up the road. He walked me there and he bought me a cup of tea. Luckily, he didn’t press things about my name or where I was from. Then he got called away to a road accident and I was able to finish my tea. I got back to my car and drove home. Bert was feeding the chickens when I got home. He saw my red face and didn’t ask questions. I went to bed and tried to sleep. Even though I was tired, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about how silly and foolish I had been the previous night”
“Did you sleep at all?”
“Yes I suppose so. Before I realised it, it was 4:00pm. I got up, undressed and took a long bath. I still felt rotten to the core”
“Did this Susan try to contact you?”

“She did. There were 10 messages on the answerphone. All were from her. I didn’t know what to do. I called Bert and explained that I had to go away for a couple of days. He was glad of the overtime. I packed a bag and left home”
“Where did you go?”
“I ended up in Minehead. I found a B&B just off the sea front and stayed over the weekend. I walked over part of Exmoor and it seemed to clear my head. It was then that I phoned you”
“Well you do seem to be a bit emotionally messed up. Are you still taking the hormones?”
“No. I had terrible stomach cramps so I gave them up months ago”
“That is probably a good thing”
Neither said anything for several seconds.
“You are going to have to meet her you know”

“Yes. I had worked that you. I know it can’t ever come to anything but I do feel attracted to her. No not just attracted. I really fancy her”
“Is she married?”
“No. Divorced.”
“Well then what’s stopping you?”
“All the baggage I carry for one. My sex for another and…”
“And?”
“What other people would think of us?”
“Is it that small a town?”
“It is small especially after London”

“Two women living together is not as uncommon as you might think. It has been going on for centuries”
“Centuries?”
“Yes. There are many records showing just that. In Victorian times, it was a Lady with her Maid. But there are many diaries in existence that show the often the maid was the lover as well. No one thought anything of it. Then after WW1, there were many Women who had been widowed and to save money, they shared their house with other women in the same situation. Again, there are many documented cases where they became far more than companions.”
“But this is different”
“Every case and situation is different Lindsey. What I’m saying is that you may well find that people may well be more accepting than you realize. But that is getting a bit forward. First, there is the issue of you, and your history. How are you going to deal with that?”
“I’ll have to tell her”
“You will indeed have to tell her but before that?”
“What do you mean?”
“You could just say sorry it was all a very big mistake and hope she understands?”

“That would be the best thing”
“Are you sure? What if she actually wants to reciprocate?”
“Eh?”
“You said that she responded to your embrace. Perhaps she is a lesbian”
“I hadn’t thought about that”
Lindsey thought for a second.
“Don’t lesbians hate men?”
“Some hate the very thought of having a sexual relationship with a man. Many lesbian couples on the other hand use a large variety of dildoes as part of their lovemaking. On the other hand, there are many lesbians who just like other women. They don’t have to hate men. I know of several lesbian couples who have men living in their house”
“Yes but…”

“No buts Lindsey. You are going to have to sit down and talk things through with her. If she wants a relationship then you are going to have to tell her that you are a man. If she dose not then want a relationship then you can part with no harm done. The only risk is if she wants a relationship with a woman and could not ever conceive a relationship with someone who was sexually a man.”
“In what scenario, I’m ‘screwed’ then aren’t I?”
“Yes and you may well have to move out of the area. It all depends upon how she takes it and more importantly if she wants to broadcast it”
“How do you mean?”
“She may well not want to broadcast to the population at large that she is a lesbian until such time she had found a long term partner. She has her reputation to think of as well”
“I didn’t think of it like that”
“Good. Now I suggest you go home. Do you have her home phone number?”
“Yes.”
“Well call her tonight and arrange to meet somewhere neutral the following evening. Somewhere you can be alone so you can talk about things”

Lindsey thought for a minute.
“Thank you doctor. Thank you for putting things into perspective.”
“Lindsey, you have made great strides since you started coming to me. Being a woman is not easy. From what I’ve seen so far, you are handling yourself very well. You are an attractive and very likeable woman.”
Lindsey chuckled as she stood up.
“Don’t worry doctor, I’m not going back to my old life. I’m in this for the long term”
“One last thing to think about. Having a long term relationship with another person may very well clarify your options towards any further surgery. If the other woman wants you with a fanny then so be it. But if she can see that she may have the best of both worlds then you can enjoy full intercourse with her. But of course, if you have the surgery then there is no going back so in the words of a policeman in one of my favourite TV Cop shows, ‘Be Careful Out There’”
“Thank you doctor”
“Please feel free to call my secretary if you want to come in or speak on the phone. This is a critical time in your life and evolution as a woman. I’ll make time to help you in any way I can”

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One month later
“Good afternoon Lindsey. Please take a seat”
“Good afternoon doctor”
Lindsey sat down in the easy chair that was offered by the doctor.
“How has it been?”
“It was not easy. Just like you said.”
“What happened when you met?”
“I arranged for us to meet and walk up onto the downs. There is a 3 mile circular walk that I know. I first apologised for kissing her like it did”
“How did she react to that?”

“She said it was a nice surprise.”
“That seems encouraging”
“It was. Then came a hard bit. I asked her if she wanted a relationship”
“Blunt but I can see what you meant. What did she say?”
“She just said one word ‘Yes’”
“How did you react?”
“I was at first a bit stunned. She seemed to sense that as well”
“What did she do?”
“She took my hand in hers and said ‘My kiss was a very nice surprise’. She went on to say that she didn’t place me as a lesbian.”

“So she is one then?”
“I asked her that. And no, she hadn’t had a sexual relationship with a woman before. She asked me the same question. To which I replied ‘well yes I had’”
“And?”
“I said that I was not a virgin and that I would very much like to have a relationship with her.”
Lindsey paused.
“She looked at me again and said ‘are you going to kiss me then?’. I replied that it was not as easy as that. She said that she was a little confused. By now, we had reached a viewpoint where there was a seat. We sat down and then I told her”
Lindsey swallowed hard.
“I said ‘It’s hard because I’m not really a woman. She didn’t say anything for several seconds. Then she said ‘What do you mean not really a woman?’. I replied that yes I looked like a woman but I was born a man”
“Did she react to this?”

“She was finding it hard to hold back the tears. She asked me ‘Do you still have your thing? I replied that I did”
“Did this cheer her up?”
“Not straight away it didn’t. Between the tears, she asked me how long and why. I told her two years and that it was a long story but I was now a woman and I was staying that way”
“Then what happened?”
“She asked if she could think about things. I said that of course she could. We sat on this bench for well over an hour. She asked a few questions and I gave her honest answers.
It was starting to get dark when she said ‘I think we should give it a go’. That was it. Nothing more. I looked into her eyes and we kissed. We kissed for a long time. We walked back to our cars arm in arm in the virtual darkness. She came round for dinner the following evening”
“So that was the start of it. How did your farmhand react?”
“Bert? He was cool. He is a man of few words but he said that he never really saw me as a ‘mans woman’ as he put it. His wife was ok as well.”
“Where are you now in your relationship?”

“We haven’t had sex if that is what you mean. We have ‘outed’ ourselves to the WI. A few middle aged members were a bit snooty about it but the older ones were just happy for us. We haven’t started walking around town holding hands yet. Bert told me that a few whispers were doing the rounds amongst the Young Farmers. He said that there were going to be a few disappointed men if they were true”
“Anything else?”
“Yes, I had my hair done last week. Debbie who does my hair asked me outright if I we were a couple. I didn’t deny it. So buy the end of the week it was all over town. Susan had a problem with her boss in the Library. He didn’t think that having a lesbian as head librarian was a good image for the town. Susan, to her credit just quoted one of the council policies on sexual discrimination back at him. He had to shut up”
“So it’s out? How is Susan coping with your little secret?”
“We have discussed in general terms why I became a woman but I have told her that there are things in my past that she should never know about. It would be better for her if she didn’t. “
“Was she happy at that?”
“Not at first. I did say that if we were still together after two years then I would tell her everything. This seemed to satisfy her.”
“And the sex?”
“We talked at length about that. We are not in a rush. She told me that she was nervous about having sex as she had a nasty incident when she was at University where she was almost raped. So we are taking things one step at a time. Mind you, she has really sensitive nipples. I can almost get her to orgasm just by playing with them.”

“You have slept together then?”
“Yes. She has seen me naked. We are starting to trust each other. It’s going to be hard for both of us but I’m sure it will be worth the wait in the long run”
“Are you going to live together?”
“I think so. Susan is coming to stay all this weekend. I’ve promised her that she won’t have to look after the pigs just yet. She is a townie and never had anything more that a gerbil as a pet.”
“It looks like things are turning out for the better then?”
“Yes they are in that respect”
“There is something else?”
“Yes. I had one of my periodic meetings with my police liaison officer last week. We meet at a hotel. We book into separate but adjoining rooms. He said that the ‘family’ had increased the price on my head to  £250,000. They were very annoyed by the false trail that had been laid for them in Australia. They were sure I was back in the UK and living in northern England. He thinks that they are also following him”
“I expect that that worries you?”

“It does. We both take precautions though. I wear gloves all the time I’m in the hotel rooms. I use disposable mobile phones to arrange the meeting. I throw the SIM card away after the meeting and he arranges for a policewoman to dress seductively and come to his room after we have finished our meeting as cover for his presence in the hotel. So far, we are in the clear but next time we meet we will have to use a different scenario.”
“Does he know where you are living and what your name is?”
“No. That’s all part of the plan to keep my identity secret. I have a codename that changes every time we meet.”
“It sounds like you have everything covered then?”
“I hope so”
“Well then I think that is about all for this time. I’ll see you in Three months.”
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Three months later
“Well Lindsey, how has it been since we last talked?”
“On the whole doctor, fine.”
“How is your relationship with Susan?”
“fine. No, more than fine great. She has moved into the farm and had sold her old place. She has also started taking care of herself a lot more”
“In what way do you mean ‘taking care of herself’?”
“I wear some makeup every day and also spend a lot of time taking care of my skin. Susan hardly ever wore any makeup. Now she is gradually adopting the same skincare regime as myself and is also never leaving the house without at least some lipstick on”
“What other changes is she making?”
“Her wardrobe is undergoing some quite drastic changes”

“Please explain?”
“I always change into a skirt or a dress and heels in the evenings, especially if I have been working on the farm all day. It makes me feel nice. I also love wearing stockings and the feel of silk against my skin is truly delightful. Susan on the other hand, never wore skirts and hardly ever ‘dressed up’. I have introduced her to the delights of feeling feminine. She has started to get changed when she gets home from work. She is still wearing trousers to work but I noticed the other day, she was wearing stockings underneath. It was my birthday two weeks ago and she bought me some fully fashioned silk stockings. They are gorgeous and so sensual to wear especially with a silk slip”
“I can certainly see that she is changing. What about you?”
“I’m learning to cook. I ate good food before but I was never very adventurous with how I prepared things. Susan is much more confident in the kitchen. She is very patiently teaching me how to use the flavours in the food to enhance the overall result. We are also redecorating our bedroom in very much her style”
“I sense a little problem here?”
Lindsey laughed.
“Not really a problem. There is a traffic jam in the bathroom in the morning and evening. So much so that we are thinking about having the bathroom and the small bedroom next door to it knocked into a combined bath & dressing room. That way we can both use it at the same time”
“How long does it take you now to get ready to go out as compared for before?”

“One hour and five minutes” replied Lindsey giggling.
“Is it worth it?”
“Yes it is. It is actually quite therapeutic. It gives me time to get my brain into gear.”
“Are there downsides?”
“Of course. A Mascara wand could have only been designed by a man. I can’t go to bed without taking my makeup off naturally. That part is a drag but I’m getting used to it”
“What other problems are you encountering?”
“Being a farmer and having nice nails are definitely incompatible. I’ve given up trying to keep them nice. Forty five minutes at the Nail Salon can cover a magnitude of sins”

There was a pause before the doctor asked a penetrating question.
“Have you discussed the issue of your penis?”

“Yes we have and at the moment, it is staying. We are having sex and for the first time ever, I’m enjoying it like never before. Thankfully, I’m not on hormones so I get normal erections and Susan does seem to like it inside her. She often falls asleep holding it in her hand. I like it as well so I think we are both enjoying its benefits”
“Have you talked about children?”
“Yes we have. Yes they are a possibility but not for at least a year or two. We both want to experience love and sex and all that without the distraction of having children around all the time”
“Are Children a distraction then?”
“No. Perhaps I phrased it badly. We want to enjoy some time being a couple and enjoying life as a couple. At the present time, one or more children would severely hamper that. In the future, I think we would make great parents. When the time is right, Susan will stop taking the pill and we’ll see what happens.”
“So you have abdicated all responsibility for getting pregnant to Susan”
“Not in the slightest. She will be the Mother and will have to carry the baby through pregnancy and bear the majority of the workload for the first few months of the child’s life. That is only natural for a mother. We have talked about this at some considerable length. When she is ready to embark on this journey, she will stop taking precautions and we will let fate take its course. She knows that she has my love and support”
“Are you worried about becoming a parent?”
“Yes. Frankly, I’m scared shitless. I know one thing though. I wouldn’t want to bring up a child of mine with anyone other than Susan. Of that, I’m certain”

“What about your past?”
“That was worrying me. So last month, I told her and showed her some of the press reports of the trial. I explained to her about the price on my head and the risks involved.”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing much for a few days. This seems to be her way of thinking things over in great detail”
“What was her reaction after all this cogitation?”
Lindsay laughed.
“I was feeding the runt of the latest litter out of a babies bottle when she told me. All she said was. ‘You will make a great mother for our baby’”
“She seems a woman of few words?”
“Not really. About the important matters then yes she is but as far as smalltalk and gossip goes, she is up there with the best of them. I’m getting better as well”

The doctor looked at the clock on the wall.
“I think that is about all we have time for today. I’ll see you in six months”

There was no meeting in six months.
The doctor read the accounts of the shooting and arson at the farm in the country with a tear in her eye. She was heartened by the account that there was one survivor. A heavily pregnant woman had managed to escape the attackers by hiding in a hen house.

She stood up and looked out of the window at the spring flowers. The intercom buzzed.
“Dr Abramovich. Your next patient is here”
She looked down into the car park at her brand new SLK 600 Mercedes. It was a present for the information she had provided to a ‘friend of a friend’. She felt sorry for what had happened but she knew she had no alternative.

[Authors Note:
The title for this piece comes from a BBC Radio 4 Series of the same name. Here, a Psychiatrist interviews a celebrity(not Z list wannabees) or someone in the news or maybe a Nobel Laureate. This was originally written in August 2008]



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