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Chapter 18
Hana made a call to Sandra Hart, informing her about what happened to Ami. The doctor was fully aware that this was going to be Ami's coming-out to her father and she had cautioned Hana and Ami to proceed with caution. That was the plan until Robert flew off the handle with Ami and her skating partner.

Ami asked her mother several times if she could take a shower because she felt dirty all over. Her mother explained that taking a shower would not be a wise move. Something about being able to get samples from various parts of her body darted around in Hana's head.

“Did your father try to enter you, Ami?”

Ami didn't know what Hana meant but when it was explained to her Ami indicated that he had not. She did admit that several times she had lost consciousness and was unaware of what her father did during those periods.

Ami remembered coming to and seeing her hair on the floor but she couldn't recall the order of things when she blanked out on the other occasions. Hana put her arm around Ami and comforted her.
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The EMTs got to Robert Shannon's condominium in less than twenty minutes. Christmas is a harrowing time of year for paramedics in NYC.

The doorman brought the technicians up to the residence per Hana's orders. From ground level to the apartment took about a minute and soon there was a tapping on the door. The doorman announced himself and the EMTS then went back to his post.

There was a crew of five EMTs and each had a specific function. Each of them was a professional and accomplished their goal with greay efficiency.

The usual preliminary battery of tests were performed on Ami. They took her temperature, checked for other vital signs and broken bones. Luckily, it didn't appear that Ami's bones were broken but she did have some serious bruising.

Slap marks and punching bruises riddled Ami's body. She had two black eyes and a gash on the inside of her upper lip. There was some bleeding on her scalp where Robert had hastily rid her head of her beautiful hair. She resembled a beat-up version of Sinead O'Connor in that famous picture.

The grip marks of Robert's hands on Ami's wrists had had time to fully develop and the darkness was black enough that they seemed like hideous tattoos. Above her tummy was an especially horrendous bruise that caused Ami to scream when one of the female technicians gently touched it.

Ami was not in good condition.

Between moans, Ami tried to cooperate fully but she found it hard to speak. She had been crying and yelling so much that her voice was barely audible. From the sound of her voice and the screaming she must have done, it's a wonder the neighbors hadn't notified the police when the whole thing began.

One of the technicians asked Hana if Ami had showered. Hana remarked that Ami had not even though Amis pleaded to her mother that she “just wanted to get clean”.
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“The doctor will do the necessary vaginal swabs, checks and tests afer your daughter is admitted to the hospital, ma'am.”

Hana didn't know how to broach the topic of Ami's unique body condition. Although Ami didn't have a penis or testicles, she didn't have a vagina either.

The basis for this trip, besides it being birthdays and Christmastime, was to tell Robert about Ami's plans for transition. Ami had hoped that her father would take her news relatively well but, obviously, he had not.

“My daughter's a bit different than most girls, miss.”

Hana couldn't believe she'd said that out loud. She was glad she was speaking to a female EMT, Officer Gayle Godard.

“What do you mean Mrs. Shannon?”

“Ami's a girl, she just had a bit of a birth defect.”

“Is she really a boy?”

“No, nothing like that, although we thought she was, for a while, growing up. When she was developing... before she was born, that is... developmental issues dealing with her reproductive tract had occurred. When she was born she had what appeared to be a penis and little else. Soon, we thought, her testes had dropped, and we nurtured her as our son. She had an accident in Little League that set in motion a whole series of events. We discovered that she was an XX female and that, what we thought was a penis and testes were little more than misplaced skin and tissue. She is living completely female but her labia had fused together when she was still in my womb. Her father was upset...”
“I understand, ma'am. I've heard of the condition.”

The technician interrupted Hana, who couldn't seem to find an ending to her sentence.

“Once or twice, we've encountered individuals like your daughter.”
“I hope you understand, officer.”

“Yes, ma'am, I do. I'll indicate what you've said on Ami's documentation here.”
The technician allowed Hana to watch her write what she just said on her interview form. She even allowed Hana to correct whatever she saw that was incorrect in her statement.

“Thank you, Officer Godard.”

Hana was grateful that the technician had previous experience with individuals like Ami.

“You're welcome, ma'am. We're about through with your daughter and we'll be transporting her shortly. We'll be transporting her to NYU Medical Center. It's about a five-minute trip by ambulance. It's a good hospital and they'll treat Ami with utmost respect.”

“Thank you, Officer Godard.”
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Hana prayed to God as hard as she'd ever prayed that Robert hadn't attempted intercourse on his child. Surely he wasn't that much of a goon.

One of the other technicians, who had been observing how Miss Godard interacted with Hana, remarked that Ami's wounds didn't appear life-threatening, and they weren't. He kept it to himself that she looked worse than anyone he'd seen to date that he'd encountered.
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As one of the male technicians attended to the cut on Ami's lip, two detectives arrived at the residence.

Sergeant James Duncan and Lieutenant Christina Garson had seen worse, but barely. They interviewed Hana and Jun asking them to give a description of all that they had seen. Hana gave her story in full but twelve-year-old Jun couldn't finish her recollections.

Sergeant Duncan had attempted to interview Ami, but she broke down into hysterics just hearing his deep voice. Ami was, however, able to give Lieutenant Garson a fairly good testimony, albeit in a very soft and somewhat raspy voice. Given her state of mind, and how her body hurt like hell, she was able to recount each and every violent action her father had accomplished.
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As the EMT strapped Ami to the gurney, she was keeping her mother and sister in her line of sight. Ami managed to stay awake on the trip down to elevator and into the ambulance even though the IV was dripping a sedative into her blood system. She remembered the EMT closing the back door of the vehicle but not much more after that. She lost consciousness and didn't wake up again for almost two days.

Jun rode with her sister in the ambulance. Hana needed to stay behind to answer more of the detectives' questions. They would accompany her to the hospital soon afterward. She thought, too, that she needed to gather together some comfortable bed clothes for Ami.
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Thursday, December 28, 1994
It had been the worst experience either Hana or Jun experienced in their lives. It was even worse, obviously, for my best friend Ami. They had expected to be back in San Diego on the December 27 but the doctors in New York would not release her until they were sure she was capable of flying on an airplane.

Ami had regained consciousness earlier that morning and mentioned that she was really hungry. Hana asked the nurse if it would be possible to give Ami what she wanted to eat.

“Within reason.”

This nurse, Emily Wilson, was always short and to the point.

“Just nothing too heavy.”

“May I have some oatmeal with bananas on it and a glass of milk, please?”

Emily Wilson's lips parted a bit and formed a half-smile.

“I'll get it for you. Stay put.”

Where was she going to go anyway? She still felt very sore and her bruises were evident.

Aside from the IV and the monitoring equipment that Ami was hooked up to, the room looked almost like a normal bedroom.

Ami could see her reflection in the mirror across the room and she began to sob. Gone was her beautiful hair, her baldness being hidden beneath a surgeons cap that was pink in coloration. She could also see her eyes and was shocked by how black they were. Her face had several slap marks but not cut or stitches.

Ami surveyed her lower extremities. She could move her arms and was aghast when she discovered the deep and rich blackness of her wrists. The tenderness wasn't as unbearable as when she remembered her father holding her up by the wrists and violating her right to be her.

“The nightie is pretty, Momma.”

“It is, sweetie. I thought it would be more comfortable for you than the gowns the hospital provides.”

“Thank you, Momma.”

Hana smiled.

Ami's nightie was pink, almost the same color as her cap, and had roses all over them. She didn't raise the sheets to have a look at the rest of her body because she was ashamed of what she might see.

“Did he...”

“No, sweetie, he didn't violate you in that way.”

Hana explained to Ami all that the doctors found to be wrong with her body. Robert had inflicted thirty-one separate bruises, gashed her lip, blackened her eyes, shaved her bald but he had not tried penetrating his child. There was no evidence of semen anywhere on her body. What the doctors worried about the most, however, was what happened to her inside her head.

“Did they catch him?”

“No, honey. They don't know where he is. He hasn't returned to the condo and he hasn't accessed any of his personal funds. They don't know where he is.”

“I'm scared, Momma. What if he comes here? What if he follows us to San Diego?”

“They have an officer posted here, sweetie. When we get home I'll get us a guard.”

“Why did he do it?”

“I don't know, sweetie. I thought I knew your father.”

“Has he hurt you before, Momma?”

Hana didn't want to open that can of worms. For the most part, hers and Robert's marriage was good. Excepting the fact that he lived in New York City and she lived in San Diego, they were happy. They functioned as normal husband and wife when they were together.

“I don't know what you mean by 'hurt', honey.”

“Did he ever try to...”

“No sweetie. When we met he was very much the gentleman. We didn't even make out until we were sure we were met to be together. He'd buy me roses and candy; he'd open the doors for me and I felt like a princess.”

She recounted to Ami her courtship with Robert and got to the point when Ami was born.

“Your father was very proud when you were born. I wanted to name you Kenji but he wanted to name you after himself. I wish we would have realized you were really a girl back then, but you appeared to be a sweet little boy.”
“Then I let him down?”

“I don't think so, honey. We spoke about what was happening to you a lot. I was frustrated with him when he would not come to San Diego when you got hurt. I think he chose to deal with it in his own way. He told me he thought that he let you down but didn't know how to make it up to you.”

Hana told Ami about everything they had talked over.

“I wish I would have been an adult and told him you were coming out here as Ami. Maybe things would have turned out differently.”

“Don't blame yourself, Momma.”

“Who else is to blame? I should have stood up to him a long time ago. I can run a business but I sure don't know when it is wise to tell your father about you... the way you really are.”

“Momma.”

“In Japan we are told to respect the dominant male figure in our family. I guess I haven't become Americanized enough. I thought I was supposed to let your father take the lead. My mother did with my father as did my grandparents in the same way.”

Hana seemed ashamed of her Japanese heritage. Her father adored her mother and forgave any of her shortcomings. Her grandfather built a pagoda in honor to her grandmother. Where did she go wrong?

“Ami, I thought when your father saw you he would be as proud of you as I am. I was wrong and I apologize.”

Hana began to cry.

“Daddy didn't do this to you. You're not the one to blame.”

“But if I had stood up for you and told your father to get his ass back to California, maybe he would have seen the marvelous and beautiful young lady you are turning out to be. Maybe he would have accepted you as his little girl.”
“Maybe so, but we can't say that he would.”

“He should have, Ami.”

“I could blame myself too. I could have left my appearance. Not alter it. When I visited him on vacations I could have let him see the real me. Maybe I could have let him in on the changes everyone around me was seeing. I think it's me who deserves to get the spanking, Momma.”

Hana and Ami wrestled with the aspect of telling Robert the truth but each presumed herself to be the guilty one. Their personal chastisements ended only when Nurse Emily Wilson brought Ami her medication.
“Thank you for the oatmeal earlier, ma'am.”

“You're welcome, dear.”

“What's for dinner?”

Ami giggled but lurched when she discovered just how much her tummy hurt when she laughed.

“I can arrange a menu.”

“Thank you, ma'am.”

“You're welcome, dear.”
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Hana had a chance to meditate on her life as a mother to Ami. She wanted to sort out the events of Ami's life thus far and decide if she was really a good mother at all.

Robert and she knew about Ami's chromosomes. They were sure beyond all possibilities that the test results were his. They saw the double Xs. How could she not have let him develop as a girl early on in his life?

Both she and her husband had seen how Ami, as Robbie. related with other children. She was not rough-and-tumble like a boy tends to be. She always behaved like a girl even as a boy. The only reason she even joined Little League was to please her father and gain his affection.

Recently she had seen how her body was adapting in a correct manner. Everything about her child now yelled out that she was meant to be a girl. Why couldn't she have just let Ami become a girl sooner?

She had conversations with Robert and he was never sympathetic to Ami's plight. Ami, as Robbie, had told her on various occasions that Robert treated her like dirt. When both children were in New York City, Robert treated Jun nicely but didn't seem to like that she was there.

Hana reflected on how she was as Ami's mother. She knew that she loved her deeply. She knew that she cared about Ami's welfare. She knew that she wanted only the best for Ami even after she finally became her daughter. So why didn't she defend Ami more?

She knew that she loved and cared for Ami deeply, so why couldn't she have been a better mother to her child? How much of a fool had she been?
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Friday, December 29, 1994
Hana met with Dr. Richard Bridges, the physician who handled Robbie's medical care at NYU Medical Center. He went over Ami's charts and x-rays with her. He answered all the questions that were rattling around in her head.

“Your daughter is healing well, Mrs. Shannon.”

Richard Bridges had a good manner about him and he smiled as he talked.

“However, she is a very lucky young lady.”

Hana smiled.

“Given that Mr. Shannon outweighs Ami by over a hundred pounds, he may well have inflicted severe damage on her. He cracked four of her ribs and bruised one of her lungs. If you've noticed Ami has trouble when she laughs, that's the reason why. Had Robert's blows to her abdomen had been harder or if more were inflicted she may have had liver or kidney damage but she seems fine in that regard.”

Hana flinched but realized it was good news she was hearing.

“Ami will heal slowly and I suggest you keep her activity to a bare minimum for at least a month after you return to San Diego.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

“One more thing, Mrs. Shannon. The blow to Ami's abdomen caused her menstrual cycle to jump into phase. I have been in consultation with Dr. Hart. She agrees with me that since Ami has no vaginal opening, she needs surgery to create one as soon as possible. Without a way for her to discharge her menstrual flow, her health could suffer.”

“Is that something that can wait until we return to San Diego?”

“It could be, Mrs. Shannon, but Dr. Hart and I agree that it needs to take place very soon.”

Hana looked especially worried now.

“Is that something you could do here, Dr. Bridges?”

“It is, ma'am. We would have preferred doing the surgery after Ami heals from this ordeal but that isn't a possibility any longer. We can set up a team for as early as this afternoon.”

“I knew this was around the corner, Dr. Bridges.”

“Do you wish for me to set up a team?”

“Yes, Dr. Bridges. Please do it. I want Ami to be well.”

“Okay, ma'am. I neglected to tell you that Dr. Hart is on her way here. She'll arrive in a couple of hours. We can schedule the OR for six o'clock this evening.”

“Will the surgery take long?”

“About four-hours or so, ma'am.”

“Thank you, Dr. Bridges. I appreciate your concern for my daughter.”
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Ami was in good spirits when Hana broke the newest information to her. Hana could sense that Ami was worried but grateful for all that the hospital staff had done for her.

“I've got menstrual fluid building up inside me, Momma?”

“Yes, you do, honey”

Hana enveloped her hands in hers.

“They're going to create a vagina so that you'll be able to discharge, Ami.”

“Discharge?”

“Your body needs to expel the unfertilized ova from your uteris, honey.”

“If they don't, what would happen, Momma?”

“You'd become a very sick girl, honey. You could die.”

“So I'm producing ova? Does that mean I can become a mother one day?”

“Yes on both counts, honey.”

“Neat!”

That was the first time in a couple of days that Hana could see Ami's spirit improve.

Ami giggled momentarily, but grimaced when she laughed. It hurt enough that Ami cried briefly.

“I hurt, Momma.”

“You have four cracked ribs, honey.”

“Oh.”

“When your father punched you he cracked you ribs and bruised one of your lungs and your kidney. Try to keep your giggling to a minimum.”

“Okay, Momma.”

“Dr. Bridges thinks your up to surgery later tonight. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Momma.”

“Okay, honey.”

“Will this make me really look like a girl then?”

“Yes, honey. It will.”

“Neat!”

“One more thing, Ami. Your doctor here at NYU informed me that Dr. Hart is flying here today and she'll be in on your surgery.”

“Yay! I love Dr. Hart, Momma!”

“I know she loves you too, honey. I haven't been able to talk to her yet but Dr. Bridges told me she's flying here just for you.”

“Do I get to see her before the surgery, Momma?”

“I think you will, sweetie.”

“Neat!”

“She'll be here very soon, my dear.”

“She knows what Daddy did to me?”

“Yes, honey. She does.”

“You told her?”

“Yes, honey. I called her that day. She is very concerned. She wants what's best for you.”

“Momma?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Why didn't Dr. Hart create a vagina for me when everything happened during Little League?”

“It's a long story. We wanted you to be comfortable with whatever gender you might choose. We didn't want to make you into a girl against your will. If you wanted to be a boy, we thought that would be the best for you.”
“I think I understand, Momma.”

“If you had wanted to remain a boy, honey, we would have had to take action very soon. We were giving you medicine to retard your puberty, but something apparently didn't work. You started growing breasts...”

“Should I have let you know about my breasts, Momma?”

“Yes, dear, but I can understand where you were at. I can't imagine how afraid you were but I'd hate to have to tell my mother I was turning into a girl if she thought, by my perception, that I was a boy. You must have been really scared.”

“I was, Momma.”

“Sweetie, if you're ever afraid of anything at all, you can come to me.”

“Really?”

“You can, honey. Any time at all.”
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Hana and Ami talked about the things that were getting to them for almost an hour. They were interrupted when Nurse Emily Wilson administered Ami's medication.

“You need to take these, dear.”

Emily felt Ami's head.

“Looks like I'll have you at least another day.”

Emily looked at Ami and smiled.

“I wish I had more patinets like you, dear.”

Ami smiled.
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When she arrived at NYU Medical Center, Sandra Hart went immediately to see Ami.

“Ami!”

Ami nearly leaped from her bed.

“Dr. Hart! Hi, ma'am!”

Sandra Hart gave Ami a hug and clasped her hand in hers.

“I was so worried for you, my dear.”

“I'm glad you're here, ma'am.”

“I wouldn't miss this for a thing, Ami. I've been with you through so many things, and I'm here for you now.”

“Are you going to do the surgery, ma'am?”

“I'll be assisting. Dr. Bridges is a renowned plastic surgeon and he'll be performing the operation. I'm sorry that I don't know more so that I could perform it myself.”

“That's okay, ma'am. I'm just glad you'll be in the operating room.”

“I need to be at a meeting now, Ami, but I'll see you soon.”

“Okay, ma'am. Thank you for being here!”

“You're welcome!”
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Hana and Jun were with Ami as she was readied for the surgery. Because she was having surgery, her last meal had been dinner the night before. Her pretty nightie was now replaced with a standard-issue hospital gown.

Ami gripped her mother's hand as the orderlies began to wheel her down the hall. She was both scared and relieved that this particular surgery would be behind her. In a few short hours she would be completely freed from all of her boyhood past.

In about five hours she would have a vagina and for that she was grateful.
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No sooner had Ami let go of her mother's hand but Hana's cell phone began to ring. Detectives Sergeant James Duncan and Lieutenant Christina Garson had been successful apprehending Robert Shannon. He was in their custody and that relieved Hana very much.

Although Lieutenant Garson said little over the phone, she did indicate that she would like to meet with Hana at Hana's earliest convenience. Hana explained that Ami had been taken into surgery. Hana filled the lieutenant in on Ami's progress and Garson wished her all the best. Before Hana ended her conversation with Lieutenant Garson, an appointment was set for noon the next day.

Hana pushed the meeting to the back of her mind. She wanted to focus on Ami and Ami alone. If she had done anything in Ami's past to make her daughter ashamed, that all changed that day.

Hana's wish was to be there always for Ami and Jun. She would be there no matter what even if it meant testifying against her husband.