The last afternoon before the Christmas holiday, I was called in to see Stephanie Carlyle the director of HR at our accountancy firm’s office.

“John, I am sorry to tell you that we have had yet another complaint about you from two of the women in your section, Wendy and Carla. Once again they have told me that you are patronising and offensive, calling them ‘silly little women who have no idea how to behave in a business environment.’. I have unofficially spoken to you about your attitude at least three times already this year. I don’t like doing this just before Christmas, but this time I have to give you a formal written warning.”

“But you are not giving me a chance to question what has been said about me, that is unreasonable, you are only doing this because you believe them as they are women like you. You all stick together, I cannot even criticise the work of any of my staff, without them running off to the ladies in tears like someone out of a Jane Austen novel, and spreading their accusations about me. They don’t like me or respect me because I won’t socialise with them or sit with them to have a coffee, after all why should I have to suffer listening to a load of idle gossip?”

“John have a think about this. I am offended but I will ignore your accusation that I am prejudiced in favour of women, please do not accuse me of that again. Don’t you think that one of the reasons they do not respect you is because you do not respect them? You say you don’t want to associate with them as all they talk about is idle gossip, and if they do not get their way they cry like a heroine in a romance story. It sounds like you have no respect for their interests or opinions.”

“When there were other men in the office it was a much more pleasant and more efficient atmosphere. The guys got in, sat down, got on with their work, without endless chatter.”

“I’ve some questions for you. With all their endless chatter and idle gossip has the throughput of work in your section deteriorated? Is important stuff being missed or are there more mistakes than there used to be? In the past the atmosphere may have been more pleasant for you, but have you thought that it may not have been pleasant for the women in the office. Women often have a different approach to their tasks but that does not make them wrong. Over the holidays while the office is closed I want you to have a good think about things, but I will be perfectly honest, if you cannot or do not wish to change your attitudes, you do not have a future here.”

I went home glad that I was away from the toxic feminine atmosphere in the office for the duration of the holidays until 2nd of January. Since my divorce I had been sharing an apartment with my younger sister Natalie, but as there was no rivalry or jockeying for authority between us we got on well together and I didn’t feel uncomfortable with her like I did with my female work colleagues.

When I told her what had been said to me, she just smiled.

“Remind me why you and Helen split up.”

“She said that I never listened to her, criticised her opinions and the way she did things, but most of all that I talked down to her, what was the word she used, er ‘mansplaining’. She said she had found someone else who actually listened to her opinions and respected them even when they disagreed with her’s.”

“Does that sound familiar, similar to the way you treat the women in the office?”

“But I’m only trying to get things done properly, any criticism is only meant to
try to improve the way they work.”

“Improve the way they work, or change things to do it the way that you would?”

“But I don’t have that problem with you, we never argue.”

“That’s because I’ve grown up with your attitudes and when you treat me like that it goes in one ear and out the other without registering, or I change the subject, it’s easier than having an argument.”

“Are you saying that you agree with them all that I am patronising and arrogant, always convinced that I am right?”

“Your choice of words, not mine, but in principle yes I do agree with them all.”

“So I am going to have to change so that I don’t upset oversensitive women.”

“Times have changed John. In father’s time the attitude of most men was that a woman’s place was in the home raising the children. If they wanted to work they had to accept low-paid menial jobs, and women accepted that as their lot in life. That is no longer the case, we women now have the same levels of education. ambitions, and confidence as men, and expect to be treated as equals in professional roles and career opportunities.

Unfortunately a lot of men, you included, have inherited their fathers attitudes and continue to treat women as second-class citizens. If you want to fit in with the way society works now, you really need to think about how you look upon women. Maybe it is not a case of women being oversensitive, but that men like you are insensitive to other peoples feelings.”

“Why have you not said something like this to me before?”

“Because it would have just got you in one of your moods, but it is necessary now as you have been threatened with losing your job. You need to think about what you are saying to women, try to think how they are receiving what you are saying to them”

“How do you suggest I change things?”

“You are off work for the holiday break for two weeks, from now on I’ll treat you and talk to you as if you were a woman and you will try to learn to treat me as a woman would. We will talk about things that interest me and you will listen to my opinion on things. Do you agree to give its try?”

“I sounds ridiculous but It’s worth a try, I need to keep my job.”

“Ok, tell me what happened in the office today.”

“We were very busy and a couple of the woman were chatting and not getting on with their work. I told them that there were more important things than their gossip, next thing I knew I was in the office of the director of HR.”

“I know all that, you have already told me. You are supposed to be talking to me as if you were a woman, what were they gossiping about, was it about work, or something personal, how long were they not working, who was it, what are their names, what were they wearing, give me more detail please.”

“I don’t really know I just saw them stood there wasting time. I’m not sure about their names, I think they are called Wendy and Carla, they have only been there for a few months, and I have no idea how to describe what they were wearing, trousers and blouses I think.”

“You are making this so difficult for me to relate to you as a woman. I’ve an idea, you will not like it, but we need to do some thing.” She left and returned a short while later and passed some things to me. “Here, go and change into these leggings and cotton top, at least if you look something like a woman I might be more able to treat you as one.”

“You’re joking aren’t you, I can’t wear women's’ clothes.”

“Think yourself lucky that it is not a skirt. Anyway who is going to see you, there’s only me here. Do as you are told Joan.”

“Joan?”

“Yes, it’s part of your image, if we are to change your attitudes you need to be reminded all the time of who you are now supposed to be.”

“These are actually quite comfortable, I’ll have no problem wearing them about the house. What are we having for dinner tonight?”

“Why do you always leave it to me to choose and make the meal, is it because you see it as a woman’s job?”

“You’ve always done the cooking here Natalie, I didn’t want to interfere.”

“It’s about time you changed that then, isn’t it? Come with me to the kitchen Joan and we’ll sort something out together.”

As they prepared the meal Natalie chatted away to John, explaining what she was doing and getting John involved in the various preparations and by the time they sat down to eat he had forgotten how he was dressed.

“Joan, you have told me about your day, but you have not asked me about mine, do you not think that we should share our interests and experiences?”

“How are things at work?”

“Not quite right Joan, there is more to life than what happens in your office, or in my ward at the hospital. I went for lunch today in that new bistro on the High Street with Polly, who told me that she has just been confirmed as pregnant, we chatted a lot about how she was looking forward to having her first baby. Afterwards we went and looked at some maternity wear for her, and I bought myself a new dress.”

“Oh, you’ve had a busy day then.”

“Aren’t you gong to ask me what Polly bought and what her husband thinks about the baby, and aren’t you interested in seeing my new dress and telling me what you think of it. You are supposed to be talking to me as if you are a woman and interested in women’s things.”

“But they are not relevant for me.”

“Joan, I’ll say this for the last time, think about what you are supposed to be doing or we are just wasting time. go and wash the dishes while I have a think and decide what to do next.”

They watched a holiday romance film ‘A Very Yorkshire Christmas’ for the rest of the evening with Natalie struggling to get decent response to her questions of what John thought of the characters and their approach to things, particularly the female characters, and in the end they watched almost in silence until it was time to go to bed.

John did not sleep well, he had a vivid dream that night about the Christmases that he and Natalie had enjoyed together as children, waking up early to see if Santa Claus had been, gleefully opening their presents and excitedly telling each other what they had got.They had been really close friends as well as brother and sister and were always chattering away together. The memory of the previous Christmas followed on, miserable and alone after Helen had left him, ignored by all the women in his team at the office party, and totally ruining Natalie’s festive spirit.

In the morning Natalie came into John’s bedroom, placed a bag on the chest of drawers and sat on the bed next to him.

“Joan, that did not go as well as I hoped last night, watching the film you did not relate to the characters at all. You need to have something to remind you of what you are doing. From now you are to wear a skirt around the house, there are a couple in that bag that should fit you along with another few tops, and some bits and pieces.”

“This is ridiculous. Do you honestly think that making me look silly dressed as a woman is really going to make me change my opinions of the way women work and think?”

“We need to do something drastic if you want to keep your job. Just do as I say, put on one of the skirts, along with panties and some tights, today I want you dressed from the skin out in women’s clothes.”

John sheepishly entered the kitchen after he had dressed as instructed and Natalie cast her eye over him from head to foot.

“You don’t look too bad at all Joan, what do you think, do the clothes fit ok?’

The top is a little bit tight and clinging, the skirt feels ok, but I feel stupid dressed like this.”

“Don’t worry about the top being clingy they’re meant to be like that to hug your boobs. If you had any. You’ll get used to the skirt, trousers are more practical but a skirt makes me feel more feminine. I am off to work, I am on shift at the hospital today and Christmas Eve, so that means we can spend Christmas Day together for a change. Just because I am not in the house. doesn’t mean that you can change out of those clothes, I want to see you still looking like a woman when I get back.”

John, or Joan as he now had to think of himself, spent the rest of the day, tidying the house and adding extra decorations to the tree, and placing holly boughs around the house. He had even felt confident enough to go out into the garden to gather some holly and pine cones from their trees.

When Natalie returned she was surprised to see what she now had to think of as Joan, in the kitchen getting trays of mince pies and sausage rolls out of the oven.

“Hi Natalie, go and get yourself changed and sit and relax I’ll bring you in a coffee and a mince pie in a minute when they have cooled down, and there’s a chicken casserole on slow-cook for later.”

“Thank you you for the mince pie and sausage roll, they were delicious, I didn’t know you could cook like that.”

“Helen did most of the basic meals, but when we, or usually me, wanted something special, different, or something she was not keen on, it was down to me. I find that cooking and baking relaxes me.”

“I see that you have been a busy girl today Joan, you’ve get the house looking nice, and you have saved me having to start preparing things for Christmas.”

“It’s only fair, I’m aware that you will have been ever so busy at the hospital. I know this is always a hectic time for you.”

“You’ve not helped much around the house this past year that you have been living here since you split up with Helen, what brought all this on?”

“Maybe it’s the telling-off you gave me, maybe it’s the thought of what would happen if I lost my job, maybe it’s wearing these clothes reminding me that I ought to be more considerate, but it just seemed the right thing to do.”

After dinner they sat down to watch TV. “There’s film on tonight that you might fancy Natalie, ‘Steel Magnolias,’ is that ok?”

“You would usually go out of the room to watch something else in your bedroom if I suggested anything like that.”

“I am supposed to be learning how to relate to women, I thought that maybe if I watched more films like that I would feel a bit more empathy.”

“You seemed to enjoy that Joan, you were chatting away all the way through about how they treated each other, how they were dressed and had styled their hair, much better than you were last night. You’re definitely beginning to learn how to talk to a woman, even the way you are speaking and expressing yourself is sounding vaguely feminine.”

That night John had another dream, seeing himself dressed as a woman, spending time with Natalie, working with her in the kitchen chatting away as they prepared their Christmas dinner and enjoying their time together like they did when they were younger. He woke up quite relaxed and happier than he had been in a long while, vividly remembering the dream.

After Natalie left for work, John thought to himself that if dressing as a woman was helping him to change how he thought of them, that he would do the job properly to see if it would make any difference. He had noticed that in amongst the bag of clothes that she had given him were a couple of bras, so he decided to try one on and pad it out to see what it looked and felt like. He tried padding it out with bundles of socks but didn’t think the effect was very realistic and after trying a few other options, he was finally satisfied that bags of rice gave the best effect. Pulling on the cotton top and smoothing it over his new breasts he was quite pleased with the result, not only did they look realistic, they had weight and moved as he walked around, almost like the real thing.

When Natalie returned she couldn’t believe what she saw, John was in the kitchen preparing dinner. seemingly with breasts and wearing full makeup.

“You are looking quite nice today Joan, what made you decide to fit yourself with some breasts, and you have got makeup on?”

“Something you said this morning about my top not sitting right due to lack of boobs, I thought I would see what I looked and felt like with them. At first they felt a bit funny and the bra nipped a bit, but I have got used to it all, and when I have been doing the cooking I never really noticed. I had to use a little bit of makeup when I went down to the shops, just some foundation, lipstick and mascara.”

“What, you went out dressed like that?”

“I needed some things from the shops. I borrowed one of your winter coats. some boots and a wooly hat which covered most of me, really just leaving my face exposed.”

“Weren’t you worried that you might be recognised or even just picked out as a man in a skirt?”

“Not really. I looked no different from the other woman shoppers, apart from the fact I was wearing a skirt, most of them were in trousers. Nobody seemed to notice me as anything out of the ordinary, even when I made small talk with another woman in the queue at the checkout”

“You never cease to amaze me, in a few days you have gone from being a woman-hater to being quite comfortable looking and living as one. But if it means than you are doing the shopping and cooking, I’m not going to complain.”

Christmas Eve morning, John was up and dressed as Joan, wearing make up again and with his hair brushed into a passable, even if short, feminine style. Had already prepared breakfast when Natalie strolled into the kitchen dressed for work.

“Your’e looking nice today Joan, you are quite good with your makeup. I didn’t notice any of my makeup missing from the dressing table.”

“When I was at the shops yesterday I bought few bits and pieces, I thought that I couldn’t really keep using yours, and that I needed my own for the rest of the holidays. I’m going down to the shops again today, is there anything you need.”

“Since you’ve asked, if you are going to keep using my moisturiser you had better get another tub of it. I wouldn’t normally ask you as I known men feel embarrassed about browsing those shelves, but in the circumstances can you get me a pack of sanitary pads, there’s an empty box in the bathroom get me some of the same please.”

John was watching the news on TV when Natalie arrived home after a hectic day on the wards, ready to relax. John had changed from his skirt into a Christmas themed onesie, with a holly-leaf motif and a reindeer head on the front.

“That’s very festive Joan and it looks really comfortable.”

“Good I’m glad you like it, there’s a matching one on your bed, go and get changed into it , forget work and get into the holiday spirit, I’ll open a bottle of Chablis, the first of many over the next few days, we are going to really enjoy ourselves this year.”

She soon came down and passed a bag to John. “I’m glad that you are enjoying your time as a woman, This is something that might help you stay in the role more easily. You seemed to have adapted to wearing a bra and having breasts yesterday, but I though we could do better than bags of rice.
I went down to the oncology ward today to see a friend of mine, and asked if I could borrow a set of breast forms, as they often get returned by mastectomy patients after they have had reconstructive surgery. I told her that I needed them for you as we were going to a fancy dress party and your costume was a female one.”

“I know that it is probably someone that I’ll never meet, but did you really have to tell her that I was going to wear a female costume?'

“I had to tell her something. Unzip your onesie and take off your bra and we’ll see how they look when they’re on. They look all right actually and they seem to have fixed on well, unless you particularly want to there is no need to put your bra back on, the glue will easily hold them in place. Sometimes at the end of the day it is a relief to take of the bra and just be natural, as you will soon learn, they’re part of you now until the end of the holidays.”

“I’ve got most of the stuff prepared for tomorrow, the turkey is sitting in the kitchen acclimatising, the vegetables are all peeled and cut, I’ve made a big bowl of pork and chestnut stuffing and some pigs-in-blankets, there’s a trifle in the fridge, the Prosecco is on chill, so tonight is the start of the celebrations, Happy Christmas Natalie.”

“And a happy Christmas to you too Joan, it’ll be nice to have Christmas with my sister for a change, this is much more pleasant than last year, cheers.”

John was up early on Christmas day, dressed in the comfortable warm onesie letting Natalie have a bit of a lie in, put the turkey in the oven to gently cook, prepared starters of smoked salmon and king prawns, nibbling at the sausage-rolls and pigs-in-blankets and having a glass of wine as he worked.

Natalie appeared an hour later, also casually dressed in her onesie and gave John a big hug and kiss. ;Happy Christmas Sis, you’ve been a massive help this year, I think I am really going to enjoy myself with you.”

After a bacon sandwich as a warm-up both physically and in spirit, they sat down to open their presents.

“I didn’t know what to get you this year, whether to buy for Joan or John. I decided to play it safe and bought the perfume and the hat and scarf set for Joan, and the gloves and aftershave for John. I hope you like them all.”

“They’re all lovely thank you. I was a lot more comfortable shopping for you this year, as I was able to browse through women’s gifts without getting funny looks from the shop assistants. I thought that skirt would really suit you and, as I had noticed that your makeup palette was getting a bit long in the tooth, I got you another one, I hope the colours are suitable for you.”

“Well Joan are we going to stay casual all afternoon in the onesies for the dinner and falling asleep in front of the TV, or do you fancy getting dressed up smart and putting on our makeup?’

“I hoped that you were going to say that, I’ve a surprise for you.”

“Before we get changed let’s take a few photos to remember this different Christmas together, and we’ll take a few more when we are glammed up.”

When John came back downstairs he was wearing a ruby sheath dress and black 4” heels, with sparkly eye shadow and ruby lipstick to match the dress and with a shoulder length wig.

“Wow Joan, you look amazing. Where did you get the dress, it’s not one of mine.”

That little boutique in the central arcade, that I have been in with you as they usually have a good selection. I tried on five before I settled on this one.”

“It fits you like a glove, you have quite a good figure.”

“It wouldn’t fit this well if it wasn’t for the body-shaper I bought and put on beforehand.”Joan giggled and Natalie joined in giving what she was now considering her sister a big hug.

Their meal was excellent and there was enough left to keep them going for the best part of the week, After clearing up and putting the left-over food away in the fridge, they relaxed for the rest of the day, watching the Christmas specials on TV and dozing like most other people.

“I’ve an extra present for you.” Natalie grinned as she came into John’s bedroom where he was cleaning off his makeup. : The way you have been enjoying yourself today, all glammed up in your new dress, I thought that you might like this satin nightie, to suit your new personality.’

“Oh, that’s gorgeous Natalie, thank you so much.”

That night John had another dream. It was how he imagined next years office Christmas could be. He was enjoying himself having a drink and laughing and talking with the girls in his team, joining in with the chatter with everyone being friendly and welcoming his company. At the end of the party as they were getting ready to go home, John was smothered in hugs and Christmas kisses from the girls.

When he woke he had a happy smile on his face remembering the dream and decided that is how he would like it to be.

For the rest of his holiday break, he remained as Joan, going shopping in the post-christmas sales and going out to the theatre with Natalie to a New Years Eve concert, totally comfortable to be seen out as a woman.

However at the end of New Year’s Day, he told Natalie about the dreams he had dreamt and how he decided that he was going to make sure his life was happier and that he would try to make up with the girls in his team. “That’s my New Year’s resolution, the girls in the office aren’t too bad really, I’ve been a bit hard on them, they deserve to be treated better.”

“So is that it , goodbye Joan, hello again John?”

“It is for tomorrow, at least as far as the clothes are concerned. I’ve enjoyed my time as a woman and have learnt a lot, but life has to go on. However, I think Joan may be a regular around the house with you.”

John walked into the office to see the girls in his team huddled together chatting, and as he approached them they started to break up to go to their desks.

“”Happy New Year girls, I hope you all had a super holiday break. I have had time over the holiday to think about how I have treated you, and apologise to any of you that I may have hurt or offended. If any of you want to have a moan at me about anything I may have said in the past, please feel free to come and talk to me. I promise that I will try harder to treat you properly from now on. That is my New Year’s resolution, but if any of my old habits creep back let me know rather than grumble about it. I’ll see you all at coffee break and we can talk about what we got up to over the last couple of weeks.”

At coffee break John approached the table where the girls were sitting, “Do you mind if I join you, I come in peace bearing gifts.” He said as he placed a couple of cake tins on the table. “I assume you are all fed up to the eyeballs with Christmas cake and mince pies, so there’s a tin of shortbread and ginger snaps, and a light jam sponge cake to share out, please help yourselves.”

“They look delicious John are they home made?” Wendy asked.

“Yes they are, I baked them a couple of days ago, I thought I needed to show you that I am serious about wanting to treat you better.”

“That’s so kind of you, right girls, shuffle up and make a space for John and he can tell us all about his Christmas break.”

Leaving aside the fact that he had spent most of the time as a woman, he told them about Natalie having a go at him about the way he treated women, and how he thought long and hard about his dreams of happier times and how he would like things to be in the future.

“Well John, the holiday has really done you a lot of good, and you’re welcome to come and sit and chat with us whenever you wish, particularly if you bring us some more delicious home-made goodies.” Said Wendy with a big smile.

The End.