why am I doing this to myself?

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As most of you can tell, "Games without Frontiers" is pulling from the darkest part of my past, and then spinning it by imagining if I had been given support right away.

And writing it is stirring up my PTSD like crazy.

So why am I doing this to myself?

Because I think I have no choice.

This story is bubbling up every time I go to bed, so by the time I wake I either write or explode.

So the story will continue, and I will need all the support I can get.

Comments

Please don't explode

Write you way through it. I'm sure we all send you many huggles.

If you need help, just let us know.

Ron

write it if you must

Try to minimize your stress in any way you can. Get someone else to proofread it so you're not looking at it over and over. Maybe, ask them to screen the comments, too. If possible, don't work on it when your in your down cycle. Stories that insist on being told can often be compelling reading. I hope you get that kind of result if you have to go though this.

We've got your back.

As always, grab all the huggles you need from the Aether. Delivery is at the speed of thought.

You're not alone.

You have us.

You have your Church, your Pastor, your Congregation.

You no doubt have other in-person support.
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It may help you to know that I'm not "on my own", that I have "backup" -

= several groups I hang out with

= I'm in a "how to make friends and reduce loneliness" group,
==> and the leader is a therapist whom I can ask if needed

= as I type, I have a Classical music station playing in the background (*)

= scores of hours of music on a USB

= a nice little Buddhist mediation spot in my living room

= Sandi the Teddi Bear is on Night Shift; two other plushies are on watch by my computer.
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So:

We've "got your back".

My 'peeps' have my back.

WFMT has everybody's back 24/7/365.24
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(*) Radio station https://www.wfmt.com 'broadcasts' over the internet. You can listen if you want. No software, no sign-up, no login - just click the white-on-blue 'Listen' button.

WFMT is a calm/calming station. No screaming adverts. None. They are >not< 'muzak' - they know we have brains. The Bolero, 'Valkyries', 1812 Overture are vigorous. "Quiet City' and "The Lark Ascending" are baby's-nap-time soporific.

When you hit a rough patch ...

... or a Bad Incident (BI), in your draft, put in a 'placeholder', and come back to writing it later.

For publishing, if a BI needs to be at a certain point in your narrative, and you're trying to maintain 'flow', maybe this works:

... something something "maybe tomorrow I can tell you more about (put in a 10-word sketch of BI) after I talk to the therapist Lady tomorrow" following somethings ..."

Some stories work just fine with lots of (using the movie or writing term here) flashbacks to fill in or inform the present. Then story and the writing can keep moving.
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With what you are doing - be a-were you may need a little 'feel-good relief': https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/71218/new-life