Maximum Warp, Chapter 10: Power Play

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Maximum Warp
Chapter 10: Power Play

“Is your internet tap active?” I asked Ensign Worm. Justin, Janet and I were still on the alien’s ship, in the area they had made to look like the Bridge of Kirk’s Enterprise.

“Affirmative.” As always, his flat affect served to remind me that, appearances to the contrary notwithstanding, Worm isn’t human.

“I need to call a man who works in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. His name is Earl Grant.”

Worm looked at my phone, then looked at me. “Your communicator works not?”

“It works; I don’t have his phone number. And you don’t want to see what happens if I try to use Siri to help me find it.”

The Spock/Bill Nye wannabe at the Science Station stopped fiddling with dials and faced me, chittering something. Siri eventually translated. “There is no record of the Department employing anyone by that name.”

I looked at Janet, confused. “I’m sure that’s what he said his name was. Did I get it wrong?”

Janet shook her head. “I heard him too. And Knight.”

Justin looked at Janet, then me. “Night?” What’s night got to do with it?”

“Not ‘night,’ ‘knight.’” As soon as I said it, I realized how unhelpful it was.

Janet, of course, was up to the task. “Ya know – as in, ‘you silly English kinniggits!’”

“Oh, right. ‘Knight.’” Justin said. “But, why knights?”

“’Cuz maidens need rescuin’?” Janet replied, puckishly.

“Maidens?” Justin was looking even more bewildered.

I decided to stop the fun before our hosts decided our species wasn’t really sentient after all. “Wayne Knight. Not a title; just a name.”

“Ah,” said Worm, nodding knowingly. “Like Freddie Mercury.”

“Yeah. Nothin’ to do with the planet,” Janet agreed.

Justin shook his head, bemused. “What was going on down there? I thought Officer Wolf was executing a search warrant.”

“Well, that too,” Janet said. “It was kinda busy there for a bit.”

“I guess,” Justin said. “Who’s Knight?”

“Treasury. Wanted to ask about my bank withdrawals.”

“Why would the feds care about your withdrawals?” Justin looked perplexed.

“Well . . . you know Treasury’s notified of cash withdrawals over $10,000?”

“Of course.”

“I took out more’n that,” Janet said.

“How much more?” Justin asked, looking concerned.

“$165,000, more’r less.” Janet was attempting to project an air of nonchalance.

“In cash?” Justin exclaimed. “That’s a bit much for a car; a bit light for a house. Are you planning a trip? Maybe a long trip?”

The Elder in the center seat chittered. Translated, he said, “We are concerned. Has Professor Seldon violated the law?”

“Hell, no!” Janet said.

“The Professor is correct,” Justin said. “You can take your money out of your bank any time – just, a certain amount will raise alarm bells.”

“And, Officer Wolf was only investigating the disappearance of James Wainwright.” I said.

“You disappeared?” Worm asked.

“Of course not,” I said. “But they don’t know that.”

The Elder chittered. “You didn’t tell them?”

“I did tell them. People don’t believe it, Elder. I don’t think even Justin believed – not until he saw you beam up to your ship.”

“In my defense,” Justin began.

His new client’s chittering cut him off. “I thought humans listened to people who were young and aesthetically correct?”

“I knew proportions wrong were,” Worm said.

“I promise you,” Justin interjected, “That isn’t the problem.”

“Why thank you, young man,” I said to Justin with a smile and a flutter of my eyelashes. Then I said to the Elder, “They might listen to me about some things, but they won’t believe that I’m James Wainwright. Your shot was far beyond our capabilities.”

Science guy started chittering again. He went on for a while before Siri translated. “We have monitored incoming and outgoing transmissions from the communications devices carried by the three individuals who were present at the location from which we initiated beam-up procedures for Jessica James and Professor Seldon. Our monitoring allows us also to determine the identifying numbers for their communications devices.”

Well that was certainly interesting! “What are the identifying numbers?”

Through Siri, he responded, “2128756921, 4132578541, and 2023742209.”

“The 413 number is obviously Wolf,” Janet said. “Isn’t 212 New York City?”

“And 202 is D.C.,” I said, agreeing. I asked the aliens, “Do you have the ability to correlate the unique identifying numbers to the names of individuals?”

“If the information available through your ‘internet,’ is, yes,” Worm replied.

“Can you try to determine the names attached to the numbers beginning with ‘212’ and ‘202’?”

Science guy fiddled with dials for a few minutes before replying. “We have no reliable information on the 212 number. The 202 number is associated with a human who is in the database of employees for the Department of Homeland Security, reporting to someone identified as the ‘Undersecretary for Science and Technology.’”

“That must be our man,” I said. “What’s his name?”

“It is listed in the database as ‘Grant, Dukkov.’”

“Well . . . close enough, I guess?” I said.

“No wonder he was so abrasive,” Janet said. “Horrible parents, givin’ him a name like that!”

That seemed a bit culturally insensitive to me. “‘Slavic’ isn’t the same as ‘cruel,’ Janet.”

“It is, if he’s goin’ around usin’ his middle name,” Janet replied.

Justin’s eyes crossed. “Oh! Yeah, that is evil. Dreadful parents!”

“We do not this understand,” Worm interjected.

“It’s unimportant,” I assured him. “Just another example of human ‘humor.’ Some of which is pretty low, honestly.”

“Humor elevation has?” he inquired. Worm is a curious creature in more ways than one.

“Difficult to explain,” I said. “But for now, I think we may have what we need to get started.” I looked at Janet. “Any thoughts, before I call him?”

“Ideas? Oh, yeah!” Janet got an evil grin on her face. “Call him ‘Dukkov!’”

She was right.

I punched in the number after asking Science Guy to repeat it. After two rings, a wary male voice answered. “Hello?”

“Is this Dukkov Grant?” I asked, in my sweetest voice.

That resulted in a moment’s hesitation. But eventually he responded, “Who is this?”

“Jessica James. Professor Janet Seldon is with me; I understand you wished to speak with her?”

“I want to speak with both of you. But . . . why does your caller ID say “James Wainwright?”

“It’s a long story. Might be relevant to your inquiry. But . . . It’s not something that we want to discuss on an unsecured line.”

He was silent for what seemed like a long time before he replied, “All right. So . . . I assume you know what I want to discuss with you.”

“Would it have something to do with a professor in the Boston area who writes fairy tales with his twin?”

“Wh . . . ah, oh! . . . right. Yes. Correct.” That shouldn’t have been hard!

“Okay. We want to talk to you, too. And to others in your, ah, chain of command. But – and this is very, very important – we will need the meeting to be conducted under the strictest security and the highest level of confidentiality. I promise you, you will want it this way as well.”

“Why?” Grant countered.

How much could I say over an open line? I thought a minute. “Because the owners wish to discuss an exchange of value.”

Another pause, then Grant, equally carefully, said, “For the item?”

“For the know-how,” I said.

Dead silence.

“You’re shitting me?”

“No, sir,” I responded. “So . . . we’ll need to talk to someone in a position to discuss . . . ah . . . something with appropriate return value.”

Another long pause, then he said, “Can I reach you at this number?”

That seemed like . . . kind of a bad idea. The last thing I wanted was for them to try to track me. Especially since I didn’t have any idea where I was likely to be. “No. But if I can reach you at this number, I’ll call back. How long do you need to set something up?”

“Tomorrow, COB,” he responded. “This number is fine.”

“Thank you,” I responded. “I’ll call then.” I ended the call and looked at Janet. “I hope he’s got enough juice to cut through the bureaucratic nonsense.”

“ ’Course he does,” she responded. “Nothing can stop the Duke of Earl!”

“I do not . . . .” Worm began.

“Low humor,” I said, “is Professor Seldon’s specialty.”

* * * * *

Justin returned back to Northampton. Whatever was going on with Officer Wolf and Mr. Knight, they didn’t have anything that would give them cause to give him trouble. Not yet, anyhow. Meantime, he promised to get us some burner phones.

I dropped my own phone from some absurd height above the Connecticut river, followed a few moments later by its SIM Card. I was cheerful as I watched them accelerate away from me at 32 feet per second, per second. “Buh-bye, Siri! So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehn, good-bye . . . .”

Janet and I spent the night in the hold where we had first entered the ship. Our termite hosts made us reasonably comfortable by fabricating some cushions and blankets. It felt safer; Janet’s house might be watched, and at the moment we lacked resources to go elsewhere. We would need to get cash out of the safe deposit box, but without transportation we would spend a lot of time walking around Northampton, and I was looking pretty conspicuous at present.

“If we were in New York,” Janet had said, “People’d barely give your uniform a second look. Plenty of crazy people wandrin’ the streets there. In the Pioneer Valley, though . . . .”

Around 10:00 a.m., Janet got a text from Justin with coordinates for a pickup. The aliens beamed up the box Justin had put together. He sent five burner phones, $4,000 in cash and two sausage & pepper grinders from BBA.

Janet looked at the grinders and grinned. “Marry him, Hon!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I responded thoughtfully. “He should have known that BBA is famous for their kielbasa and sauerkraut. I might hold out for someone with better . . . .”

“Sausage?” Janet interjected before I could finish.

“Janet!!!!”

“What?” She took a bite of her grinder and closed her eyes for a moment of blissful enjoyment. “Damn, I was gettin’ hungry!”

I took a bite myself. And . . . yeah. Hunger’s the best seasoning and all that.

Janet cocked an eyebrow at me. “I know I was kiddin’ and all, but . . . he is kinda cute. And don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

I used the excuse of chewing to put off responding to her question.

“C’mon, Jessica,” she said. “Girlfriends gotta dish. It’s one of the benefits – and duties – of bein’ in the club, so to speak.”

“But . . . there’s nothing to ‘dish’ about,” I said defensively. “He’s our lawyer.”

“No,” Janet responded with great precision. “He’s my lawyer. An’ he’s the termite's lawyer. But you kinda specifically left it so that he isn't your lawyer. Thought I missed that?”

I found myself playing with my hair, twisting a long, gold strand around the index finger of my right hand, while I avoided Janet’s scrutiny. “Well, it seemed like I didn’t need a lawyer myself . . . .”

“Uh huh,” Janet said. “Or just maybe you didn’t want him dredgin’ up some super-secret lawyer’s guild rule about non-fraternization or somethin’?”

I twisted the hair tighter, but had no other response.

“Jessica . . . You sure you’re ready for this?”

I decided that my playing stupid wasn’t going to make Janet any dumber. “I don’t know,” I answered quietly.

“Can you tell me what you’re thinkin’?”

I shook my head. “Not sure I’d characterize it as ‘thinking,’ exactly.”

She smiled and sang, “‘With the thoughts you’d be thinkin’, you could be another Lincoln . . . ‘“

I sighed. “‘If I only had a brain.’ Too right, I’m afraid. With the thoughts I'd be thinking, though, I’d be lucky to be another Roman Hruska.”

“Tell me what you’re feelin’, then,” Janet said. “I’m not just bein’ nosy. This is new to you. I might be able to help, and even if I’m not, it might help you to talk about it.”

“I . . . I know. But it’s so hard. I’ve been a guy for sixty years. Sixty years, Janet! And suddenly I’m . . . .” I was having trouble finishing the sentence.

“Not?” Janet offered.

I made an impatient gesture. “Yes. I mean, no, obviously not. But it’s not just that. It’s being . . . .”

Janet decided to be more helpful. “Attracted to guys? Sexually?”

I wanted to say “no.” It was embarrassing – so embarrassing! This was a woman who had been attracted to me, to James Wainwright, even though I’d been too blind to see it. And too timid to do anything about it. My face was burning with shame. But I nodded and whispered, “Yeah.”

I was shocked when Janet pulled me into a hug. “Jess, honey, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

Almost without my own volition, I wrapped my arms around her tightly and buried my face into her shoulder. “I’m so confused,” I confessed, suddenly in tears. “I look at Justin, and I want . . . I want . . . .”

Again, I couldn’t say it. Most immediately, I wanted him to kiss me. God, did I want it! And I wanted to kiss him back. I wanted to . . . . Even in the secret recesses of my mind, I couldn’t say the words.

“I know you do, Honey,” Janet was saying. “I know. And it’s perfectly normal. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“But I’m . . . .”

“No, you aren’t, and you know it,” she said, stopping my protest. “I know that my old friend is still in there” – her right hand cupped the back of my head – “And you’re still sharp as New York cheddar. But where love and desire and sex are concerned, it’s been real clear from almost the start that you’re all girl. A very hetero girl, too.”

“I know,” I confessed. “But it doesn’t just feel weird . . . it feels . . .” I didn’t want to say it! But it had to be said. “It feels disloyal. To you.” I continued crying into her shoulder, afraid to look at her.

But she gently pulled back and held me at arm’s length, looking at me with eyes devoid of their usual merriment. “Honey, I’ve had to let James go. It was hard, and I didn’t expect that. After all these years, it’s not like I was expectin’ some sort of epiphany, you know? But I did it. ’Cuz I knew you couldn’t let yourself be Jessica if I was holdin’ you back. Tryin’ to keep you as James.”

“I know I can’t make it right, Janet. But I’d sure like to stop hurting you!”

Janet looked distressed. “Dear God! You’re not becoming . . . earnest?

That got me. I cracked up.

“Better,” she said. “Listen, girl. I’m not some heartbroken teenager. You know how to make it right! Stop holdin’ on to the person you’ve always been, and let yourself be Jessica. Don’t tie yourself in knots by constantly lookin’ back!”

“But what does that even mean?” I asked, frustrated.

“You can start by understandin’ that there’s nothin’ wrong with being attracted to Justin Abel. Not sayin’ you’ve gotta go out and jump his bones just ’cuz he isn’t your lawyer anymore. In fact, I’d kinda suggest you take it slow. Just . . . stop gettin’ all weird about it. Enjoy it, even.”

I took a deep breath, then another. Slowly, reluctantly, I nodded.

She took another bite of her grinder. “For what it’s worth, I expect his sausage is above average.”

“JANET!!!!”

* * * * *

Our new phones lacked any internet capabilities, so we had to work with the aliens to do some research during the course of the day to prepare for our evening call. We also worked out a way for them to make it appear that our call was originating from another location, just in case someone tried to trace us.

“Where should it look like we’re calling from?” I asked Janet.

“Does it matter?”

I thought about that. “I suppose it might. We don’t want to arouse suspicions. Beijing might be a bad choice, for instance.”

“It’s the U.S. Government,” she responded. “They’re suspicious of everyone.”

I smiled. “How about Madagascar?”

“I like it,” she said. “Exotic, though. What location says, ‘boring?’”

“There’s always North Dakota.”

“I dunno,” she said, ever the contrarian. “They’ve got . . . .”

I waited. Eventually, I coaxed. “Yes?”

“Rushmore?”

I shook my head. “SoDak.”

She shrugged. “Damn, you got me. I can’t think of anything interesting.” To Worm, she said, “You could pick some random wheat field.”

He chittered at the Science Guy, who chittered back and was eventually translated, “Do you want us to pick a wheat field that contains structures for holding weapons-grade uranium?”

“Wait, what?! No!!!” I said.

“Oh, right!” Janet said. “FedEx.”

I looked blank.

“ICBM’s, Jessica. World-wide delivery in half an hour or less, or your next one’s free.”

“Uh huh . . . Maybe not such a good idea.”

“Lennox is cute,” Janet said. “Ya know. Quaint. Ye Olde. Definitely non-threatening.”

“Yeah,” I said, weakly. “Let’s try that. Have the call appear to come from inside the Red Lion Inn. Anyone tracks us, they should at least get some good beer.”

“Only fair,” Janet agreed.

At 5:00 sharp I made the call.

“Grant.”

“This is Jessica James.”

“Are you familiar with Theodore Roosevelt Island?” he asked.

“He had an island?”

“Named after him,” Grant said. “It’s in the middle of the Potomac River, near Georgetown.”

“Oh, okay. You want to meet there?”

“Can you be there tomorrow? Say, 7:00 a.m.?”

“A moment.” I covered the phone and asked Worm, then confirmed the place and time with Grant.

“My boss will be with me,” he said. “Dressed for a morning run. At the base of the statue.”

We ended the call.

“We’ve got a problem,” Janet said.

I was personally thinking we had a whole bunch of them. “Which one?”

“They're gonna show up looking inconspicuous. I could pass as someone about to go for a morning stroll, but . . . .”

“Are you sayin’ my mini dress and go-go boots are impractical?”

“They're practical, girl. For certain, ah, pursuits.”

“Jogging not being among them,” I agreed ruefully. “Especially since our hosts don’t understand underwear.”

Janet snorted. Then giggled. “You might catch a few eyes,” she agreed.

“While we’re listing problems . . . I really need a shower,” I said.

“Yeah, I’ve been meanin’ to talk to you about that,” Janet smirked. Then she sighed. “Me, too, bein’ honest. And a change of clothes. Even if these are inconspicuous, I’ve already slept in them.”

I frowned. “We’ve got cash, and I guess we could get clothes. But we can’t get a hotel without an ID. Credit Card too, usually.”

“And won’t that ring alarm bells,” Janet responded.

I thought for a minute. “Ensign Worm,” I asked, “Are you able to determine whether anyone is watching Professor Seldon’s house?”

He looked at me strangely. Strangely even for him, that is. “Why they would watch house? Does it do things?”

“An expression, Ensign. But in this case, it’s possible that authorities might be watching it to see if Professor Seldon returns.”

“Ah. So that Danno can ‘book’ her?”

With the aliens, anything involving rule breaking was always dangerous. “More likely just ask questions that we don’t really want to answer right now. As we have explained – your lawyer, too – neither of us have broken any laws.”

Science Guy, through Siri, said “Many humans have passed near the structure from which we beamed you up. Some in vehicles, some without vehicles. Some being led by members of a quadrupedal species whose level of sentience we have not been able to assess.”

“Plenty smart, dogs,” Janet asserted.

“Not now!” I pleaded.

“So long, and thanks for all the fish!” she said, the devil’s own twinkle firmly back in her eyes.

She was right. I needed to read more, if only to understand half of what she was saying. It was maddening.

Worm looked from one of us to the other. “Should we assessments conduct on ‘dogs?’”

“No,” we both said together, though probably for different reasons.

I added, “Sentient or not, they are not technologically sophisticated, and will not have access to uranium of any kind.”

Science Guy resumed chittering. “How can we determine whether passing humans – or dogs – are ‘watching’ the house instead of just ‘seeing’ it?”

It was a good question, even though the answer would be obvious to most humans. I thought for a minute before responding. “There are a couple of things to look for. First, are any humans remaining in one place, in sight of the house, for more than, say fifteen minutes? Does the same vehicle pass by the house at regular intervals – like, once every hour or two?”

Janet picked up the theme. “Are there any cars on the street painted in a black-and-white pattern, like the one Officer Wolf drove?”

In his more animated voice, Worm said, “The black and white patrol car has an overhead valve V8 engine. It develops 325 horsepower at 4800 RPM’s. It accelerates from zero to sixty in seven seconds.”

“Ummm,” said Janet, looking a bit nonplussed.

“Actually,” I said, “it wouldn’t need most of those features and wouldn’t have them, prolly.”

Worm didn’t look discouraged. “Was not certain what meant these words.”

“Really,” I said, “if there are any cars parked within sight of the house, with humans inside of them, for more than fifteen minutes, that would be a good indication of surveillance.”

Science Guy fiddled with dials for a bit before chittering his response. “Based on analysis of sensor data using the specified criteria, the structure was being ‘watched’ last night and this morning. There was at least one vehicle parked on the street with someone inside it until approximately noon today. There has been no activity meeting your search criteria in the last five hours and thirty-six minutes, by local measurement.”

Janet and I looked at each other.

“Can’t say it gives me a warm fuzzy,” she said.

I agreed, but . . . she wasn’t the one who would have to attend a critically important meeting wearing go-go boots and a stretchy red dress that barely came to mid-thigh – without even a bra – if we didn’t take some kind of action. “Let’s risk it,” I responded.

Janet grinned. No way she was going to let me outdo her when she perceived that adventure might be involved. “That’s the spirit, girl!”

“Elder,” I asked, “I believe that it would maximize the likelihood of our mission being successful if Professor Seldon and I attended tomorrow’s meeting properly rested, cleaned and, ah, dressed. Would it be possible for you to drop us at Professor Seldon’s house, pick us up tomorrow in the early morning, and deliver us to Roosevelt Island?”

The Elder’s chittering was translated, “You are acting as our ‘agents.’ We will assist your transportation as requested.”

We waited until full dark – late, this time of year – before being lowered down to the surface, minimizing the chance that someone would see something peculiar. The aliens explained that their ship employed numerous stealth technologies, but their efficacy was improved by being at a distance. Apparently we were being raised and lowered by some form of what we would call a tractor beam.

“Somethin’ about this just makes me want to shout “Yeee-Haaaa!” Janet said as we began our swift descent. “But I’ll do it quietly, just for you!” Her wicked grin was infectious.

When we got to the house, we discovered that someone – probably Officer Wolf – had locked the doors before leaving. Janet’s keys, like her wallet, were all in her purse.

“No worries,” Janet said. “I’ve got a spare under the back door mat.”

“No-one would ever think to check there,” I teased her, as we walked around to the back of the house.

“I know, I know! Everybody tells me that . . . .” She lifted up the mat and stared blankly at the emptiness underneath it. “And . . . FUCK! I finally listened to them!”

“So, where did you put it?” I asked, reasonably.

“I’m tryin’ to remember,” she said crossly. “Why d’ya think I kept it under the mat all those years?”

She led me over to the garage, where we checked on top of window sills. To the back yard, where we checked under some loose bricks in a retaining wall. To her patio, where she searched the underside of her chairs. She was muttering and cursing the whole time.

We almost jumped out of our skins when we were caught in the beam of a flashlight.

“Who’s . . . Oh! Janet, is that you?”

Janet’s eyes briefly closed in relief. “You were expectin’ Hamlet’s ghost? Damn, Peg! You scared the crap outta me!”

“I just saw someone rummaging around, and it didn’t look like you were home. Everything okay?” A woman walked into the backyard, dimly lit by a quarter moon. She was wearing slippers and a bright yellow quilted dressing gown; her white hair was spiked, wild, and exuberantly disdainful of any notions of fashion.

“I’m fine, but I locked myself out and I don’t remember where I put my spare key,” Janet said.

“In my cookie jar, remember?” Peg said. She looked at me. “My goodness! Did you come from a costume party? I love Star Trek!

“Just a little cosplay,” I said quickly. “There’s a group of us on campus.”

Peg giggled. “Campus? You can’t possibly be out of high school! But . . . rock on, girl! I burned my bra back in the day too!”

“Ah . . . thanks,” I said weakly, not wanting to admit that after a day of going commando, even my perpetually perky pair of peaches were eager for some architectural support.

“Peggy, would you mind very much . . . ?” Janet suggested.

“Oh! Of course! Won’t be a minute!” She trotted back into her house and emerged moments later with Janet’s spare key. “What was all that commotion about yesterday evening? Men running around, your door open. Even a police officer!” She made the presence of a police officer sound positively salacious.

“Just a bit of a misunderstandin’, and I think we’ve got it all cleared up,” Janet said.

“Oh!!! I want to hear all the details!”

“Of course, Peg, but . . . not tonight, okay?” Janet responded. “I’m pretty beat.”

“Alright, then,” her neighbor said. “I’ll let you go, but remember, I want the full story!”

“You got it, girl,” Janet responded. As Peg returned to her house, Janet sighed. “Neighbors!”

We got inside and left the lights off. Janet took a quick shower while I went into my room, stripped out of my ‘uniform,’ and selected the clothes that I wanted to wear to tomorrow’s meeting. When Janet was done, we switched up.

I was just rinsing the conditioner out of my hair when Janet burst into the bathroom. “Luke, we’re gonna have company!”

“What!” Damn, I’d promised myself I was going to stop saying that!

“Worm just called the burner phone. I guess they were monitoring communications. The police are on their way.”

“Peg?”

“I’d guess so. Wolf probably asked her to call. Damned neighbors!”

I was toweling myself off while sprinting back to my bedroom. “How long do we have?”

“Worm said five minutes, thirty seven seconds.”

I threw on a bathrobe, which was all Janet was wearing too. “Grab clothes for tomorrow . . . your purse. Anything else?”

Janet was dashing back to her own room. “Can’t think of anything!”

“Your bookbag?”

She shook her head. “Empty. Civil forfeiture, I expect.”

Three minutes later, we stepped onto the front porch then slipped around to the side of the house on the other side of Peg’s place. We each had a small duffle bag. “Two to beam up!”

“This is starting to get old,” I observed as we floated up into the night sky.

“Nonsense, Jessica,” Janet admonished. “This is effing fun!”

“Fine, great,” I groused. “But couldn’t the fun have waited until we had a decent night’s sleep?”

“We can fly, we can fly, we can fly!” Janet sang, pretty deliberately off-key.

“And maybe coffee in the morning?”

Janet stopped singing. “Damn. You had to remind me, didn’t you!”

We were back on the ship in almost no time at all, and Worm was there to greet us in the hatch. “Are now attired appropriate?” Even Worm’s flat voice sounded dubious.

In fact, we were both still in bathrobes and slippers, with towels around our heads. “No, Ensign,” I said, gently. “But we will be, for tomorrow’s meeting. Thank you for the warning.”

“I glad am,” he replied. “I was think that this clothing set was not for meeting appropriate, based on the transmissions. Correct, yes?”

“You are correct,” I assured him. “Your sense of human aesthetics and cultural expectations is improving.”

“Excellent. Then would this be the time appropriate to discuss anatomically pleasing proportions?” He inquired.

“NO!” I said.

“It’s a cultural thing,” Janet explained. “Jessica might be insulted if you suggest that portions of her anatomy are, umm, overgenerous.”

Worm thought about that for a moment. “Understand this, I do. Can we your proportions discuss instead, Professor Seldon?”

She squinted at Worm. “Do you feel lucky, punk?”

“I understand do not . . . .”

“The answer’s ‘Hell No!’ Not if you want to see your homeworld again, Sonny!”

* * * * *

We had another night sleeping in the hatch area with pillows and blankets. It worked, kind of, though Janet was pretty stiff in the morning. Like James Wainwright would be after the first couple of nights in a tent at the beginning of a long hike. My seventeen-year-old body was far less susceptible to those types of aches and pains, but I decided I wasn’t going to say anything about that. I wanted to see my homeworld again too!

Since we were supposed to blend in as people who were getting a bit of morning exercise, Janet was wearing a pair of gray sweats, with “Gryphon” and our school mascot emblazoned on them.

I didn’t have anything comparable, and it’s probably not what a girl my apparent age would wear anyhow. I went with a pair of plain black leggings and an electric blue sports bra under a sleeveless white T-Shirt. I put my long, gold hair into a high, braided ponytail. It wasn’t the most professional look, but I would certainly pass for a jogger without any problem. A little light makeup and I was as ready as I was going to be.

Janet looked me over and smiled. “I think kids your age would say that you slay, girl!”

“Then let’s go find us some dragons, shall we?”

It was still dark when the aliens lowered us down, but it was summer, and it was D.C., so the air was thick and definitely not cold. The island isn’t large, though it’s covered with trees that create the illusion of distance from civilization. We followed the path to the statue of Theodore Roosevelt and reached it within a few minutes.

Janet gave the statue a critical appraisal, since she was an academic with nothing better to do. “Damn. Looks like he’s plannin’ to exhort the masses.”

“At this hour? How uncivilized!”

Nekulturny,” she agreed.

“He can wait ’til we’re gone,” I said. “I’m not much in the mood for speeches.”

We waited. I passed the time by doing some light stretches. I figured it would look right if casual observers happened to show up.

Janet sat on a bench and watched me, a sardonic look on her face. “When I up, down, touch the ground, puts me in the mood . . . .” she sang tunelessly. Tastelessly too, I thought.

My burner phone rang. The ID said, “Lennox, Massachusetts,” and the time read 6:45.

“Jessica James.”

“Ensign Worm is this. Patching Science Officer.”

Siri’s voice cut in. “Jessica James. Sensors indicate that persons you would consider ‘authorities’ have arrived at the end of the bridge to Theodore Roosevelt Island. Presently, they are remaining in their vehicles.”

I thought about that. “Janet, they may take us into custody. I don’t know. Maybe you should . . . .”

“Can it, girl,” she growled. “You go, I go.”

I looked at her helplessly. There was no sense arguing with Janet, and we didn’t have a lot of time anyhow. I took a breath and said, “Thank you, Ensign. Officer. We will proceed. If we are taken into custody it may be some time before we can contact you again.”

“We cannot indefinitely wait, Jessica James,” Worm warned flatly.

“If we can’t call you, talk to attorney Justin Abel,” I advised.

“Yes. Agreed.”

We signed off.

“Worm could always beam us back up if there’s trouble,” Janet suggested.

“Might be better if he didn’t, though. Even if the government types lock us up, they still need to talk to us.”

Janet thought about that and shrugged, acquiescing.

I gave up on stretches and was pacing, full of nerves. Birds were making a racket and the sounds of the city’s awakening began to penetrate through the oaks.

Three people appeared on the path, approaching us. I recognized Grant right away. To his right paced a tall, slender man with dark, straight hair, silvered temples and a distinguished look. We had seen his photo while doing our research the previous afternoon: Ranveer Singh, DHS’s Undersecretary for Science and Technology.

The woman on Grant’s left didn’t immediately look familiar. My (now diminutive) height and medium brown hair . . . but she was wearing a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. When they got close, she was the one who spoke for the group. “Professor Seldon? And . . . Jesse James, is it? Gavin’s report didn’t do you justice.”

She removed her cap and sunglasses as she spoke. With her voice and her telegenic looks, the President’s Science Advisor was a staple on the Sunday News shows. It appeared that either Grant or Grimm had plenty of juice.

I couldn’t resist. “It’s ‘Jessica,’” I said, extending a hand. “Doctor Livingston, I presume?”

. . . . To be continued. With suitably low humor.

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Comments

Lots of Interplay

BarbieLee's picture

Want to discuss your anatomy?
Want to see your home world? Janet already had seen a sample of what their shots could do. Besides there was no guarantee the effects would be the same for her.
Good thing the worms are watching both the girls and monitoring the communication channels. Better than Black Ops and the ladies can be picked up without having to work through the dragnet to a designated pickup location. I double dog dare anyone who has lived past twenty one, say they haven't wished when a situation went south, they could disappear and walk away.
Any doubt anyone can get close to nuclear material makes Emma's story pretty close to real.
https://nypost.com/2022/12/09/biden-nuclear-official-sam-bri...
Thus our two intrepid professors may be pretty close to making a deal for the worms?

Hugs Emma, this story is tracking nicely with tongue in cheek humor tossed in by Janet occasionally helping to lighten the seriousness both Janet and Jessica are treading a very narrow tightrope.
Barb
Life is a gift meant to be lived not worn until it's worn out.

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Thanks, Barb!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Are they close? Hmmmm. Prolly. :-) Certainly the powers that be are interested! Glad you continue to enjoy the tale!

Emma

Earnest?

Emma, you’re wicked & wilde.

Me? Wicked? :-)

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Nah — I just draw that way!

Thanks, Catherd!

Emma

Rolling...

RachelMnM's picture

'Roll'n, roll'n, roll'n... Keep those termites roll'n... Rawhide...' While that song is not referenced in this chapter specifically - there are plenty of the usual Emma-isms dropped like little Easter eggs for you to find and plant a smile on your face - while keeping the story roll'n, roll'n along nicely. I smiled many times and should probably count the Emma-isms like someone did for the last chapter. Love that I get a great story and mental jogs to all sorts of references (and a chance to hunt for them - cause they're there and sometimes hard to find (or easily missed))...

Great chapter and the perfect spot to drop us rabid fans of this story given the holidays. This story is a gift! A gift of supreme writing, creative genius, and brilliant character / story development - that for me ranks up there as a top three I've read over 20 years of reading / writing TG fiction.

I'm tell'n ya - Netflix, A'zon Prime, Hulu, HBO Max, whomever flavor of producing videos for these platforms - buy the rights NOW! What a great show this would be!

XOXOXO

Rachel M. Moore...

Awwwww!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Thanks, Rachel! It’s been a fun journey, and way more fun when you’re along for the ride!

Emma

Oh — meant to add

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Merry Christmas!

Emma

Humor, like beauty . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

is in the eye of the beholder!

Thanks, Guest!

Emma

being attracted to dudes.

I still find the idea of being attracted to dudes weird

DogSig.png

I reckon . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

. . . it takes all kinds. Thank goodness!

Best wishes for the holiday season, Dot!

Emma

Yet another…

Robertlouis's picture

…extremely entertaining wedge of Friday evening verbiage from the esteemed Ms Tate to kick off the Christmas weekend.

Note for Transpondians and ex-colonials. Here in the UK we cheerfully differentiate between all the solstice celebrations of our various resident religions and wish each other Happy Eid, Happy Diwali, Happy Hannukkah, or for lapsed Christian dogged atheists like me, Happy Christmas. The Happy Holidays formula compromise in the US seems almost dedicated to suck all the joy out of the festival, which is why we all hate the imported Coca Cola ads and they baffle the kids.”Holidays are coming? That’s in the summer” my son asked me, completely puzzled.

Anyway, I find that each episode requires at least three readings: firstly to grasp the narrative and ensure that you’re keeping up with the story; secondly to make a note of all the cultural references (including those of *ahem* low humour); and finally a more leisurely read through simply to savour the richness of Ms Gate’s wit, style and seemingly effortless but surely hardgrafted prose, with Janet’s wisecracks and references always to the fore. For a professor of literature, she certainly delves into a lot of trash: for which your readers are mightily grateful.

Emma, this is a weekly joy. It lifts my sagging spirits every Friday. Bless you.

Rob xxx

☠️

Fascinating . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Your process for reading the chapters kind of mirrors the process by which I write them! I worry a bit that my cultural references may fall flat with my friends in the UK, Australia, Italy and elsewhere. Sometimes I search for a less parochial reference, but then I end up with “Happy Holidays” when it’s not really what I mean. Which is how you end up having to deal with Roman Hruska. Sorry ’bout that!

Janet’s got low taste. Lots of literature professors manage to suck the joy out of truly amazing works of writing. But the ones who stick with you can make great works fun, and find the profound kernel at the heart of even light works.

Thank you for your kind words, Rob. Happy AtheistMoot, or something appropriate!

Emma

Low humor

I wish you’d used the 1st-occurrence form,”So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehn, good-night” to give me opportunity for the Dwight the dachshund pun. So long, farewell, our wiener dog’s named Dwight. (James already bid farewell to his.)

But . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

I doubt James named it “Dwight!”

Emma

Some, may be not be understood

But it’s really not your fault. As I speak and read 5 languages, it’s really impossible to get all the references in all of’em. Nonetheless I really enjoy reading your stories. One big kudos from one of your friends (at least that’s what I’d like to be considered) from Italy, but currently in the Black Forest in Germany in my family’s ancestors home...

Another Christmas present

Dee Sylvan's picture

Thank you for posting two stories for us loyal followers in 2 days Miss Emma. Your cultural references certainly must be driving the termites crazy. Quoting Winnie the Pooh to Dirty Harry with the famous HM Stanley thrown in for good measure is amazing Emma.

Janet is the perfect foil for Jessica. She certainly needs some feminine feedback to help soothe her hormonal challenges. And IMHO, the world is eminently better off having two literature professors negotiating with the termites, even throwing in Justin Able's presence. Jessica and Janet are definitely moving up to the big leagues of politics, only one step removed from POTUS. They were even betrayed by Janet's longtime neighbor Peg. The girls have their work cut out for them in the coming chapters. I think they are cynical enough to ferret out the lies and deceptions they are constantly encountering. Lord help us all if they get thrown in the hoosegow and the fate of the world ends up in Justin's hands.

I wonder what lies ahead for Jessica. Romance? James certainly didn't seem to have an active social life, but can the newly transformed Jessica handle a roll in the hay with Justin? It doesn't seem feasible that Jessica could resume James teaching role even if she wanted to. Is this her chance to write the Great American Novel? Will she become a mother?

Thank you for your posts, Emma. Merry Christmas to you and yours. :D

DeeDee

Put a bow on it!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Dear Dee — Thank you for the lovely comment! I think that, while the termites don’t get the specific cultural references, they get the idea of communicating through cultural references better than we do. Janet doesn’t speak their language, but she speaks like they do. Prolly. :D By analogy, Bill Safire said that Lincoln was a poet, not because of his fantastic prose, but because he had a life-long habit — a trial lawyer’s habit — of illustrating his points with stories. He communicated best by simile and metaphor.

I know that your Christmas will be a quiet one, dear, but I hope that it is, at least, a peaceful one. Play “Silent Night” and watch the snow fall!

Hugs,

Emma

I Think

joannebarbarella's picture

The correct quote is "are you feeling lucky, punk" but I'm not whinging as there are so many great quotes in this episode.

Whoopee!

What fun! I went back to my previous comment to your Opera House "extra", and saw your reply. Should have looked there first, so would have been less surprised to see this latest instalment to "Warp". One extra thing which makes you stand out from other BC authors, is that you (seem) always to respond to comments.
Now, please take a break for your festive season, enjoy it, and come back refreshed in the New Year (though I will not complain if it's earlier than January!)
Very best wishes from
Dave

Comments

Emma Anne Tate's picture

From the time I posted my first story here back in the summer, I have tried to respond to everyone who takes the time to leave a comment, even if it’s just to thank them. I took my inspiration from Erin, who almost invariably does this, because (no blushing, now, Erin!) I think she is the very model of the kind of author, and the kind of human being, that I aspire to be. However, having started, I also find it’s one of the best parts of posting stories here. It’s a wonderful, supportive community. If people actually want to have a conversation about my stories, why wouldn’t I join them? :-)

Best wishes for a wonderful holiday, and thank you for all of your great comments!

Emma

Maybe not . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

. . . But, you’ll know you aren’t in Kansas anymore!

Warmest holiday wishes to you and yours, Kimmie! Thanks for all your great comments!

Emma

It's a good thing they don't

It's a good thing they don't want to break the law or North Dakota might be missing a few missiles, but then there would be more than a few people flipping their shit when their missiles floated away, not to mention the Russians thinking the US had launched them

US had launched them

Unless the aliens are very stupid and pull them away using a ballistic trajectory that could land in Russia, the Russians would not think they were launched. Satellites that monitor for such things need to be able to ignore what are innocent rocket launches.

No thermal signature . . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

I think — which is to say, I very much don’t know — that early warning systems are triggered, in the first instance, by the thermal signatures of missile launches. So there might be no alert in the first instance, and the trajectory wouldn’t even get analyzed. On the other hand, the Barons of Bismarck would almost certainly be concerned. Prolly not enough to lose their cookies, though. A phlegmatic lot, they are.

Emma

Silo Fodder

There was far more pork barrel in the missile silos than actual armed missiles. Many of the sites were never fully built and many were destroyed or sold off in disarmament treaty agreements.

https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/pyramid-north-dakota

At one time the good people of North Dakota bragged about being the largest nuclear power in the world. Some of us thought it was a dubious honor . . . akin to being strapped to the world's biggest bullseye.

While in high school, I did go down into one of the silos one Sunday afternoon during the construction phase. Security was mostly non-existent.

Jill

Angela Rasch (Jill M I)

I was going to use Kansas . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

. . . But my research indicated they no longer have any active silos. I didn’t know you were from North Dakota — somehow I had Minnesota in my brain. Ah . . . No offense intended!

I moved around a lot when I was younger, but most of my life I lived in one first strike zone or another. Sometimes because of a SAC base, sometimes because of proximity to the “NCA.” I wonder, in retrospect, just how many silly acronyms are Cold War productions.

Emma

Amount of U235

The critical question will be how much U235 the aliens will want in trade for such an advanced power storage device. Let's say they want is enough to render us a non-nuclear nation (at least temporarily) would that deal still go through?

Alternatively, if supply over time scales long enough to prevent this is allowed then this can still be a deal.

‘Scuse my film quote pedantry ma’am…

Robertlouis's picture

…but it was Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) who uttered the deathless line to Quint (Robert Shaw) who was shortly thereafter chewed in half by the great white, while audiences cheered, for gratuitous overacting for ninety minutes.

Incidentally, Robert Shaw’s niece was my tennis partner in the West of Scotland Mixed Doubles Tennis League for three seasons. He was married to her mother’s sister, the Scottish actress Mary Ure, who starred with Richard Burton in Where Eagles Dare. How’s that for degrees of separation?

☠️

I stand corrected!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Well, actually, I sit just at the moment. But you’re absolutely right!

You can claim a connection to Robert Shaw? I’m jealous. He was one of my favorite actors. Didn’t matter what role he was playing, or whether the movie was any good. He was always fantastic. The Sheriff of Nottingham opposite Sean Connery’s Robin Hood in “Robin and Marion,” and Henry VIII in “A Man for All Seasons” were among my favorites. It was such a tragedy when he died so young.

Emma

Yes it’s a small world now

I truly believed this once I spotted a former office mate of many years past in baggage claim in a small airport on a different continent.

Its a small, small world

Dee Sylvan's picture

Robert Shaw was a favorite of mine, too. I really liked him in 'The Sting'. Cultural references dropping like sands in the hourglass.. See what you've started Emma dear. :D

DeeDee

Nothing to do with the planet?

Many said Freddie was hot.

(And having seen this comment, Emma may now give us some obscure tie-in, maybe a detour to Queens but probably more subtle.)

Roman Hruska?

I had to resort to Google. His comment was famous, and drew renewed interest at the Thomas nomination, but good gawd Emma, you knew his name!

Multipass

Erisian's picture

I can definitely see why it may take multiple passes on the drafts, because dear goodness the references are packed in tighter than the kleenex in a pre-teen's push-up.

And thus this story continues to be: super green! :)

Now that . . .

Emma Anne Tate's picture

is a fabulous metaphor!

Hugs,

Emma

This was a fun

Sunflowerchan's picture

This was a fun little chapter, what I've come to love about this story is the fact that you somehow manage to pack so much punch into so little space! Janet has become one of my favorite characters! Her quick, witted humor and peppery remarks are just what Jessic needs to keep her grounded and on her toes. And Jessic herself is finally coming to terms with the fact that James is dead and gone and Jessic is here to stay? Oh and do I hear wedding bells in the near future for her? A girl can hope and dream. And with her being a full girl, it's quite posible motherhood is in her future as well? With Janet being the Godmother maybe? Or am I getting my hopes up a little too much? So many questions swirling around my mind, only one way to find out. Adventure onward! Joking, and sillyness aside. Thank you Ms. Tate for another wonderful chapter, each new chater I read reminds me how much futher along the path of mastery you are and how much futher I must travel. For that I thank you, I thank you for going ahead of me and then pausing and then waiting for me while waving your hand and shouting. "Hurry up! We'll never make it to the top at this rate!".

My goodness!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

She's just gotten around to wondering about kissing boys and such, and you've already shipped her off to marriage and motherhood!!! Just teasing. :D So glad you are continuing to enjoy the romp. As for Janet . . . yeah. She's kind of a favorite of mine, so she gets the best lines!

Emma

And here we are, only halfway through!

Iolanthe Portmanteaux's picture

Plenty more chapters with additional complications, no doubt, and problems to resolve, and -- I have no doubt -- attractive men dropping into the picture from all sides.

Still hooked, me. Still loving it.

hugs,

- iolanthe

It’s raining men!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

Well, maybe just sprinkling them. :)

Thanks, Iolanthe!

Emma