Reluctant Diva 8
Inspired by Lipstick Discipline
Chapter 8 – A new deal
Life continued along these lines as New Year came and went pretty much like any other year. It was when getting ready for school one morning in early spring that my next significant crisis arose. I ought to have expected it because I’d had another growing spurt. Not just upwards, I might add. On this particular morning I was downstairs first and setting out breakfast as usual, dressed in my school clothes over my girlie under-things. To minimise the femininity of my figure, my ever increasing bust was squeezed tightly into my singlet to restrain it as much as possible. Getting dressed I’d found it more of a struggle than ever to pull up my school pants over the obligatory panty-girdle. Though the new ‘curvy’ model fitted me better and pulled in my waist, my pants remained uncomfortably tight. The waistband was loose but that problem was easy to fix with a belt from my drawer. Around my butt and across the top of my thighs it was another matter.

When I’d completed my chores, I sat down to join Mom at the breakfast table. I flopped down next to her with relief and as I did so, there was a loud tearing noise. The back-seam on my pants gave way! Oh no! Horrified I looked across at Mom, only to see an amused smirk on her face. Tom was rolling about in his chair with uncontrolled mirth. How I longed to wipe the grin from his cheeky face.

“Oh dear” she sighed. Then with complete unconcern, “You certainly are filling out nicely, Jennifer. Better change, perhaps?”

“But Mom!” I protested. “These are the only school pants that fit me.”

“Correction!” she laughed. “They clearly don’t fit you, now do they? Stand up.”

“There’s no way I can go to school!” I wailed as I obeyed.

“Hmm” she pondered. “I don’t want you taking time out from your studies. You had better wear some of Jennifer’s things.”

“Mom! Nooo…” I was horrified. Jennifer’s wardrobe certainly didn’t run to anything that resembled school pants. “I’ll get killed!”

“Well there isn’t time to mend those right now. I can’t see any alternative.” She reflected calmly. Then… “I remember. I may still have a pair of black pants that I don’t wear. You had better borrow them.”

Dashing upstairs in alarm I hastily searched and finally locating the offending garment in her bottom drawer, took it to my room to try on. The pants were several inches too long. The cut was full and high-waisted and the material was thin and smooth unlike that of any boy’s pants ever made. They pulled up tightly between the cheeks of my butt, accentuating the size of it and giving an unmistakably feminine shape to my rear. Worse, there was no fly fastening at the front; they zipped up at the side!

“They will do fine. You can tape up the hems to the right length.” Mom called, looking in from the doorway.

I glanced back in horror but she had gone, leaving me to my own devices. I turned back and looked at my reflection with dismay. How can this be happening?!
In a daze I fetched the sticky tape and attended to the hems. Even with them shortened the pants didn’t look like anything a boy would wear. In desperation I untucked my white shirt over them in an attempt to hide the waist. The result was too untidy and would probably attract critical attention from the teachers. I could imagine being called out and told to tuck in my shirt under the gaze of the entire class. Finally I resolved on wearing a white sweatshirt instead of my shirt as this would be worn untucked. It ought to perform some of the work of concealment and was within the school’s dress code.

Attired thus and muffled in the longer of my coats I set off for the bus with some trepidation. Initially the day went better than I could have hoped. No-one remarked on my wide-legged trousers and I thought I had gotten away with it, until at the close when heading for the bus, a voice I dreaded sounded behind me.

“Well if it isn’t the fairy boy. Now ain’t that dandy?!” Lee Rafferty’s words struck doom into my heart.

It was the one of the two bullies who had given me such a hard time the previous term, when Karen had come to my rescue. I’d been at pains to avoid them since then but it sounded like today my luck had run out. I turned my head to confirm my fears. The tall boy’s face leered down at me unpleasantly and as I broke into a run to get away, I collided with something hard. The other half of the pair, my nemesis Abe, had grabbed me and next thing I was pushed against the wall and held firmly against it. My bag fell to the floor, its contents strewn everywhere.

“What’s the hurry? Pussy!” the latter’s face was inches from my own. “It’s been too long.”

‘Never’ would be too soon!

“Hey buddy!” this to Lee, while Abe’s huge hands pawed me up and down, pulling my coat aside. “She sure has grown. Get a load of this ass!”

The other bully joined him, screening me from the view of other kids passing by. Their hands were roaming freely and I couldn’t tell which was whose. My sweatshirt was lifted revealing the flat front and side zipper of my borrowed pants. They practically crowed over their discovery that I was wearing something that was unmistakeably a woman’s garment.
Lee grabbed at my waistband and yanked it downwards. The thin material ripped in his hand revealing my panty-girdle.
“Hey, what have we here? Man, get a load…” their delight was almost palpable as they pawed at me. Fortunately it was to prove to be short-lived.

WHAM!!

Hit hard in the stomach, Lee was doubled over and gasping in pain. Next, Abe was roughly hauled off me and pinned against the wall in his turn.

“You all right Rob? These freaks bothering you?” The sound of Chris Bennett’s voice was never more welcome. Wide-eyed, I could only stand and look my gratitude.

Abe writhed but was held fast by my saviour who had him under full control. “You want some more? Just try it! This is a friend of mine, see?”

The two bullies looked cowed. There was no way they would take on someone they recognised as a member of the junior football team. My friend looked over at me, checking I was all right. “Better run or you’ll miss your bus,” he grinned at me encouragingly.

Shaking, I pulled my sweatshirt down over the top of the torn pants and fastened my coat. I picked up my books and school-bag and beamed to express my gratitude. “Gee, thanks Chris!”

“Don’t mention it. Go, now! See you.” as he turned back to face the pair of them down.

“Yeah, see you. Soon!” I need have no hesitation in leaving matters in his capable hands so I ran and just made the bus. As I was the last kid to get on, it was easy to choose a seat to myself. I needed space to recover without having to answer any questions. Shaken by the incident, I nevertheless felt a warm glow about my rescuer. For once I hadn’t had to fight my battles all by myself. The whole of the bus ride home I kept thinking about Chris and how he’d saved my ass from being well and truly kicked. I even caught myself feeling an impulse to hug and kiss him, as had happened once before somehow. When I realised what I was thinking I managed to thrust the idea from my mind. Eww!! No way! Another thing was certain, however. I couldn’t face going to school tomorrow. My life there was turning into hell. How could I make Mom understand how impossible it was for me to deal with all of this stress?

Fortunately Mom herself had finished work early and was already home by the time I’d collected Tom from the neighbours and walked the rest of the way back. The torn waistband of my pants was evidence enough that my borrowed attire had been the subject of an incident. Suspicious as ever that I had somehow got myself into a fight, my mother was initially unsympathetic. When I described how Chris had stepped in and rescued me from a beating by two bigger boys, her attitude changed.

“Tomorrow I’m going right in to that school to make an official complaint” was her angry resolve. “There’s no way that they should tolerate intimidation like that.”

With a sinking feeling I knew that if she raised some kind of fuss as she threatened, it was only going to leave me to face more humiliation. How could I dissuade her? “Gee Mom, please don’t.”

“Don’t! I’m not going to stand for this. Someone is going to have to pay for a new pair of pants, at the very least.”

“But Mom! That will just mean everyone will see me as a sissy boy that can’t fend for himself. I’ll get picked on even more, you’ll see!”

She frowned angrily, but paused just long enough to let me continue. “I don’t want to be the school’s sissy boy. I can’t go to that school any more. I’ve thought it all out.”

“Just what have your thought?” she snapped.

The conclusion I’d reached was that trying to gain acceptance at school as a boy was impossible under my ‘regime’. There only seemed to be one viable option remaining for me.

“I’d rather just be a girl all the time.” That got her attention and I was able to explain myself without further interruption. “From now on, I’ll go to school as Jennifer. It’s what you really want for me isn’t it? Only… only there’s one thing. I’ll need to change schools.”

For once Mom didn’t have a quick-fire answer. She drew a deep breath and sat herself down at the kitchen table while an ominous silence prevailed. Not knowing what to do with myself I just stood there looking at her anxiously.

“Oh! Go and change!” she burst out eventually. “You’ll be late for Mrs Martin and I need to think!”

Glad to be free of the brooding atmosphere that pervaded the room I needed no second bidding. Later, on my return from my job, the mood within the house still hadn’t improved any. I could see that Mom’s nerves were in a delicate state by the marked furrow in between her eyebrows. Silently I slipped up to my room and got out of my maid’s uniform before sitting down to some homework. Half an hour later there was a tap on my door. I looked up to see Mom’s head peering around it. She paused before entering. Grateful that I was not to be yelled at, at least in the immediate future, I looked up and smiled, “Hey Mom!”
She didn’t speak but came into the room and sat on my bed.

“I’ve nearly done, so if there’s anything you need….” There was a silence. I put down my pen. “Mom, I was thinking.”

“What were you thinking, sweetie” came her surprisingly gentle reply.

“It’s this bedroom. I was wondering if we could change it to be a little more grown up, if it didn’t cost too much. It’s… well… it’s a little girl’s room.”

Next minute I felt Mom’s arms around my neck, and was surprised to realise she was crying. Concerned, I turned and hugged her. “What…”
She put her head down on top of mine and sobbed.

This was worrying. Mom never let us see if she was upset as a rule. I was mystified and just held her to let her have her cry. There seemed nothing else to do. She responded by holding me tightly to her, pulling my head down against her bosom. I reached up to stroke her neck to comfort her. She rocked gently from side to side and we remained like that for some time. Her sobs stopped, for which I was relieved, and her breathing became slow and regular. My head was still pressed against her and her breast felt soft and warm against my cheek. That was a nice sensation and I could have stayed like that for ever.

“I’m sorry” she sniffed.

“It’s okay, Mom.”

She pulled away and sat down next to me. “No. It’s not okay. I need to get a hold of myself.”

After a few moments silence she continued. “I think I’m the one who knows what’s best for you, and then it all goes wrong. I should never have started you off being ‘Jennifer’.” Mom’s words should have been music to my ears but now, somehow, they filled me with doubts instead.

“Do you hate me?” she asked anxiously.

“No! Mom! No. Course I don’t. You’re the best.”

More tears rolled down her cheek. Somehow, words I thought I’d never say then crossed my lips. “I even think ‘Jennifer’ may probably be for the best.”
!!! What am I saying?!!

She turned me so she could look directly at me through the tears.

Looking down at the floor, “I mean it, Mom!” Although I’d blurted it out without thinking, I realised that I actually did. “It’s like you always said. I make a better girl than I do a boy. Actually I even enjoy some of being Jennifer. Some... Only… only I’d like to make some more of my own choices. I think I’m old enough now.”

“Oh yes! Like what?” she started to sound more like her usual assertive self.
“Well like... What dresses I wear. And… who my friends are. I never want to date that Karen again! I would like to spend time with Rachel though, and maybe… Chris? I’m growing up, I guess.”

Mom’s shoulders started shaking. At first I thought she was crying again but soon I realised she was convulsed with laughter instead.

“Mom? Can I?”

“Oh my word,” when she could finally speak. “I’ve got a regular teenage girl to deal with, I can see.” Then more seriously, “Oh Jennifer! Yes, yes, yes! You can be allowed some choices. As long as I have the last word, mind!” There was a hint of desperation in her voice which for some reason pleased me no end.

“Oh Mom! You really are the best!” and I hugged her. Seized by a mad impulse I kissed her cheek, leaving a big red imprint for all to see and pulling her to her feet, danced her around the room.
When we had come to a stop, we both sat down on the bed out of breath and laughing. On impulse I thought it a good moment to ask the question that was bothering me most. My “Mom, can I ask you something?” was greeted with an understanding nod. How to start?

“I’m confused, Mom” I dove right in. “Just recently I keep catching myself noticing things.”

“Okay. What kind of things?” she looked at me steadily.

“Well… things about boys… men… both… It’s bothering me.”

“How so?” there was a hint of something in her eye which told me she wasn’t displeased about this.

Nevertheless I ploughed on miserably “I seem to be thinking about them in a way I don’t want to… you know… I don’t want to but I keep finding myself doing just that. Mom, I keep trying to control myself, but…. I guess I must just be trashy.”

“Now Jennifer, calm yourself” said Mom patiently. “You are not trashy and you mustn’t go getting upset over this. It’s perfectly normal for a growing girl to find herself… interested in the opposite sex. It’s how you deal with it that counts.”
Opposite sex? I’m not a girl!!

I considered her words “But it just seems all wrong to me. Is it really like that for every girl?”
“Let’s say it’s not unusual” she smiled, sounding sympathetic.
“But, Jennifer” her voice was serious as she went on. “You must learn not to show it. You should never let men know if they have an effect on you. The woman always has to be in control because men think about only one thing, as you know yourself.”

I nodded in agreement. No argument there!
She continued fiercely, “If you can’t control yourself, you can’t have any control over them and you will end up being the plaything of any man that has a fancy. You may not have to worry so much about getting into trouble as most girls do, but you will still end up a cheap little slut that no-one respects. Is that what you want to be?”

“No ma’am.” I knew what she meant and definitely didn’t want that.

“There’s a great deal to be said for waiting until you’re married before going all the way” she wisely concluded.
Until I’m married!! Going all the way!!

“It isn’t easy, and there will be times when you are tempted, but plenty of girls manage it, and I don’t see why you should be any different.”
Even if I am different?!

As if she had heard my thought she answered, “Yes, even if you are different in some ways! The same applies to any woman. She needs to keep something back so that it can be special for her husband. Think about it!”

This conversation hadn’t taken the direction I might have expected and I stared at her, eyes wide in disbelief. She promptly changed the subject.

“Now, my girl, we need to decide about your schooling.” She had clearly reached a decision. “I agree that it would be best for you to attend school as Jennifer full time now. That’s plain. But I can’t think of a way for you to change schools. The only other high schools in this town are St Jude’s for boys. No good,” she smiled “and St Margaret’s for girls. That would be the one you might attend. They’re both Roman Catholic and I do know that St Margaret’s is very old-fashioned in its views. I can make enquiries but it’s highly doubtful that you would be admitted there. Changing schools looks like being out, honey. We need to make some different plans.”

“But Mom….”

My desperate interruption was ignored, however. My mother’s mind was already set, apparently. “You will start tomorrow as Jennifer at this same school. I will go in and explain to your teachers. It will need to be a complete new beginning. For the immediate future I will give you a ride to school so you don’t have to sit on the school bus. That’s just until your classmates have got used to the idea. After that you shouldn’t have any trouble, unless you go looking for it.”
I opened my mouth to protest but she was in full flow. “You can swap some of your classes and change your homeroom too so you will be mixing with a different crowd. That will make things easy for you. I’ve picked out from the curriculum some of the things every girl ought to be studying. Let’s see. You can elect for social studies, needlecraft, homemaking, cooking and family planning.”
Family planning!
Horrified I could only gape at her.

Finally, “and you will have to make sure that you keep close to your friends to stop you from being isolated and picked on in between classes. There’s Chris, Dennis and Sandra and there’s Karen too. I’m sure they will all want to help. I don’t know why you are so down on Karen. You should value her more.”

I was stunned into silence. Chris, I didn’t mind at all, Dennis possibly, Sandra perhaps, but Karen…!

Mom seemed to take this as assent. “Good, that’s all settled then. Let’s pick you out some clothes for tomorrow.”