Chapter 4 - The Invalid

Paula
"You look all in, Titus," I said as we entered my little apartment. You get the shower first and I'll rustle us up something to eat, then we can crash. I should have been in bed hours ago."

"Me too. Just point the way."

"Just follow me. If it were anyone else, I would apologize because I didn't have anything for you to wear to bed, but seeing as I've got this bra still in my pocket I take it you wouldn't be adverse to using my granddaughter's nightgown? She's a big girl so it ought to fit. All you have to do is figure how to get you arm in the sleeve."

"Paula, I feel like I've gone through the Looking Glass."

"Careful. If you shatter it we'd have to go back to the ER. They might wonder just how accident prone you are, and this time wouldn't be covered by worker's comp."

"Why are you doing all this? I mean, anyone else who found out I like to dress up has gone stark raving bonkers."

"I had a friend in college who liked to dress up, but he was one screwed up kid. I never understood why he did it, but he seemed harmless enough. I never knew what happened to him, but I always hoped he found peace somewhere. Right now you need help because of your shoulder, so why not help with your other problems? I take it they are problems from what you just said."

"You could say that. My folks still get all twitchy when I go home for a visit, no mater how I'm dressed. I want to live as my real self, but getting a job as Titia is a pipe dream. This guard job is all I could find, but it doesn't pay enough to let me think about changing anything drastic in my life. I can only dream."

"Well, we aren't going to solve anything in the next few minutes, so get showered and please don't fall down. It was hard enough getting you up by that dumpster. I don't really want to try it with you naked in the shower."

"Me either! I'll be careful."

"I'll put something on the counter for you while you're in the shower. Don't use up all the hot water - I'm next!"

Despite the stresses of the night and the best efforts of the painkillers the doctors provided, Titus had a restless night, as did I. I could hear his occasional groan as I drifted in and out of sleep. Those of us who work third shift know how hard it can be to sleep while the sun is shining. Windows become your enemy and there are times you long for a concrete cell deep under the ground where no light and - more importantly - no sounds from noisy neighbors can penetrate. Having an apartment on the top floor helps - at least there's nobody clomping around on your ceiling - but I miss my house. Hell, I miss my husband a whole lot more during restless times like these.

Just why had I invited a crossdressing kid with a busted up shoulder into my home? Granny is a sucker - I've overheard that line listening to my kids and my grandkids and I suppose they're right. Well, at least I now knew what was behind the reticence Titus had about his family and personal life. Had he been sporting a bra under his uniform all along? I suppose he had. Those uniforms are heavy cotton blend, meant to make the wearer look macho and powerful. Yeah, right - just the image Titus wanted to project - not! I've always thought my breasts rather spoiled the macho image the designers were trying to create, especially the way those snap-flap pockets tried and failed to conform to the swelling of my breasts. Never could keep a pocket protector full of pens and pencils in those blame pockets, anyway. Good thing note programs on cell phone have rendered pocket protectors obsolete.

In any case, I hadn't a clue as to what Titus was wearing under his uniform before last night. So now I knew, and the feeling was along the lines of 'that poor kid.' If he felt the need to wear a bra when he didn't actually need one then he must really be bewildered working a job that demands a tough guy image. I'm weird, so I get a laugh out of being a tough guy granny, but he's still a kid - although I bet he's had enough time to develop a hard shell if he's been wanting to be a girl long enough.

Eventually I drifted off into sleep and woke up just about the time the rest of the world was heading home to relax after a hard day at the office. Naturally, as an old lady with a dodgy bladder I immediately headed for the bathroom, but found the door closed. I hadn't thought of that when I offered Titus a bed for the night, had I? As these things usually go, being denied entry immediately caused my bladder to jump into hyper-drive and demand relief now! An unintelligible answer came through the door and I heard the toilet flush. The thought passed through my mind that at least a nightgown would fall of it's own power when he had finished his business, no trying to haul up pants with a screwed up arm. Score one for the girl's side.

The door opened and I got my first sight of Titus in a nightgown. I did a double take as he came out, with his hair all wet it almost disappeared compared to the curly bush he normally sported, quite a change! Or should that be she? Time for that later. With a hasty 'good morning' I took my place in the bathroom and relieved myself. Funny how we're conditioned to say 'good morning' upon waking even when it was late afternoon.

Having finished my business, I found Titus trying hard not to be embarrassed to be wearing my granddaughter's nightgown, but since his own clothes were torn and filthy there wasn't much choice of attire available. As a good host, I decided to remain in my nightgown as well; I didn't think an old woman in a rather utilitarian cotton nightdress would be too much for him to handle.

"How's the shoulder?"

"Better, but it still hurts."

"Not surprising. Did you get a look at that gorilla that sent you flying?"

"Christ! When he grabbed me his face was only inches from mine! Not that I'd need to see his face, that sucker was tall! I don't care to square dance with him again, he gets too darn enthusiastic about swinging his partner. I'd recognize him anywhere, preferably through a long distance spotting scope! I don't want to get near him again after what he did to me last night!"

"Spoken like a sane ma… uh, person - and not some muscle-bound action hero!"

"Funny - I've never aspired to be any kind of hero, action or otherwise. I guess I proved that last night."

"Bullshit, you took off after that clown like you were Captain America, or were you thinking maybe Wonder Woman?"

"I wasn't thinking. I just didn't want to the guy to get away. He was invading the place I was supposed to be guarding."

"Too bad you didn't have Wonder Woman's magic rope last night."

"Yeah, I wouldn't have had to get close enough for the bastard to grab me."

"Well, at least we got his partner."

"You got his partner. All I did was get flying lessons."

"Not me, Titus. The fool tripped himself up and fell down the stairs. I never even touched him."

"Go ahead, make me feel even worse, Granny!"

"Pure luck, partner. In all the years I've been guarding nothing like this has ever happened."

"Thanks for saving the exciting stuff for me."

"You're welcome. Sit yourself down and I'll rustle up some breakfast. Pancakes OK?"

"Whatever you have, I'll eat it. I don't want to be a fussy guest."

"That's great. We'll toss your clothes in the wash after breakfast so you don't have to sit around in a nightgown."

That was met by silence. After a moment I turned around and asked "Or would you rather stay in the nightgown?"

"Uh, I hate wearing that uniform."

"Even with a bra?"

"That helps, but I…"

"Curiouser and curiouser… Don't worry about it, just eat breakfast and we'll figure something out."

Now I was starting to feel like the one gone through the Looking Glass, darn Titus anyway for putting that image in my head. I suppose if he liked to dress up as a woman he must have spent a bit of time in front of a looking glass, wondering how he could go through it. The mundane chores of eating and cleaning and washing carried me through the next little while, and eventually the two of us just sat at the kitchen table and talked about this or that, steadfastly ignoring the elephant sitting on the kitchen table. When he was ready to tell me about it then I would listen. Maybe I might start to understand. I couldn't help harking back to my lost daughter Colleen - if I had listened harder could I have saved her?

Sure, my head knows that I couldn't, no more than I could have stopped Josh's heart from giving out. But my heart still wants to tell my head to stuff it - surely I could have done something!

Grandma to the rescue - been doing that all my life, even before I was a grandma. Before I was a mother, for pity sake. Why do I always have to come to the rescue?

Because I'm me, dammit!

Did I just adopt a new grandson who wants to be a girl? How do I talk to him about it? I haven't a clue if he even wants to talk about it any more than he had to when I saw his bra. I'm not sure…

Just then the front door opened and my granddaughter Paula came in with a cheery "Hey Mom - I saw you on the tube!"

I knew there were TV cameras in all the excitement last night, but I didn't really care with trying to keep Titus from being exposed and then taking care of the bozo who fell down the stairs. Good thing Titus got tossed behind the dumpster out of sight of the security cameras or he would have been well and truly exposed.

"How long was I on camera?" I asked. "I need to know so I can tell when my fifteen minutes of fame is used up."

"Not that long, the cops were hogging the screen, but I knew it was you right away. How did you capture the criminal? Oh, you have company!"

"This is my partner Titus, who can't use his arm after getting mugged by the one who got away. And I didn't capture the criminal, the fool fell down the stairs and busted his own leg."

"Cool! How come you're wearing my nightgown, Titus?"

"Because mine wouldn't fit, child," I replied. "I wasn't going to make him sleep in muddy clothes, you know."

"Makes sense, or at least as much sense as anything does around you, Mom."

"If she's your grandma," asked Titus, "why do you call her mom?"

"She raised me after my real mom died, so she gets promoted to Mom by default. Aunt Marie always says Mom takes in strays whenever a kitten or a kid ends up at her door. Coming home to find a guy wearing my spare nightgown just kinda goes along with how Mom does things."

"Don't confuse the poor man, Paula," I admonished.

"She doesn't need to, partner," answered Titus, "you've done a fine job without her."

"An innate ability, sort of my superpower. Wonder Woman would be proud of me, eh Titus?"

"If you say so. I take it that this is the fashionista you've told me about. "

"Damn good thing she manages one of those fancy-schmancy stores for young women who have more money than sense or she'd never pay off her college loans."

"Two more payments and I'm a free woman."

"As long as you don't buy any of those hundred dollar jeans you sell."

"Hey - how do you think they make enough money to pay me so I can pay off my loans?"

"However you do it, you look pretty good," commented Titus. "and I hope that doesn't come across as sexist."

"Since you're wearing my nightgown I suppose that brings you halfway to the better side of the gender gap. Thanks for the compliment."

"Speaking of clothes, Titus, your clothes should be dry by now. All we have to do is sew some buttons on the shirt and you can get dressed again."

"Buttons, Mom? You been getting into fights again?"

"Not me, a Sasquatch tore the shirt off the Amazing Flying Titus last night. Did that part make the TV?"

"Not that I saw. Details, I want details!"

So I embarrassed Titus by telling the story once again, then gathered up his clothes so he could change, even if he hated the uniform. There's something intimidating about a guy talking to a strange woman while wearing her nightgown.

"Wow! You guys had an exciting night. Is it OK to tell anyone about the excitement, or is it confidential?"

"Hell, it was all on TV, but you might not mention the part about the nightgown."

"Aww gee. You look pretty cute in my nightgown, Titus. You could change your name to Titia and hide out from the bad guys as a girl. That would make an even better story!"

"How the heck did you know the proper feminine form of my name?"

"Blame Mom. She's the one who insisted I get a Classical education along with my fashion studies. Name a god in half a dozen pantheons and I can give you a biography, and probably a commentary on their fashion sense."

"How about Hel?" Titus asked.

"Easy - Norse goddess of the underworld, which was a cold and dreary place. She was so ugly that Odin banished her to Hel, and that's spelled with one 'l'. Oh, and she had gangrenous legs. I rather doubt she went in for stockings or pantyhose."

"Some goddess, although pantyhose might have helped keep the dead skin from flaking off." I observed.

"Hey - I've dated worse," replied Titus.

"You must have - um - exotic taste in women."

"Honey, you don't know the half of it," I commented.

"Trying to play matchmaker, Granny-Mom?"

"He's my partner, not my responsibility. You want to go out with him then ask for yourself."

"I don't know if I want to date a guy who just spent the night with my mother."

"You two are nuts!" exclaimed Titus.

"Awww, you noticed!" replied Paula the younger.

"It's hereditary, partner. Don't get serious about her or your kids might be too much to handle."

"Paula!"

"Titus! I'm going to go get your shirt and restore the buttons. You two can decide if you want to go out on the town together while I'm gone."

Hmmm. Did I detect some attraction there? They could both do worse. I try not to admit it, but Paula is my favorite grandchild, whoever her father was he must have contributed some fine genes to have produced such a vivacious and intelligent young woman. Too bad we'll never know who he was.