“Oh my god, I promised myself I wouldn’t get so emotional…” Laura sobs as she fans her thickly made-up face with her hands, or rather, the dark red fingernails on the ends of her hands. Even though we’re at school today, Laura, Suriya, Harriet, Nicole, Mia and even Megan, have opted to come to school today looking as feminine as possible, because they know that today is the one day they won’t be punished for it. This is because, apart from their exams, today is the last day that any of them will ever set foot in this school. They couldn’t be any more excited, and I am happy for them- even though it means that from now on, I’m going to be alone.

“Aww, me next! Me next!” Nicole squeaks, turning around so that Mia can sign the back of her blouse. All six girls’ blouses have been covered in similar ‘graffiti’, not just from each other, but from most of the other girls (and a lot of the boys) in their year, and while I’ve signed them as well, I can’t help but feel a little left out of the celebrations.

“Ash!” Megan squeaks, handing me her phone. “Can you get a picture of the six of us?”

“Sure!” I reply as I wonder whether or not acting as ‘official photographer’ makes me feel more or less left out- though I obviously hide my feelings, as the last thing I want is to bring my friends down on today of all days.

I spend the rest of the lunch break taking photos of the six girls in various poses, as well as photos of some of my other departing friends like Morgan, Sabrina and Emily from cheer club and some of the girls’ boyfriends too. A particularly awkward photo I take is one of Megan cuddling George- some days, especially today, he almost feels like more a part of the group than I am…

Eventually, the lunch period ends, and those of us in Years 10 and below head to our final class while the Year 11 students head to a special final assembly. My six friends do each give me a tight hug en route to their assembly, but that doesn’t help to cheer me up, and the look of concern on George’s face as I sit down next to him for our final lesson tells me that I’m not doing as good a job of hiding my misery as I’d hoped.

“Mate,” George says softly as we get out our books. “You- you okay?”

“Hmm?” I reply. “Umm, yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look it…” George retorts.

“Honestly, I’m okay,” I insist. “It- it’s just gonna be a bit different, that’s all.”

“I guess,” George shrugs. “Not like you’re never going to see them again. Hell, you’re going to be seeing them again, like, less than 24 hours from now!” I smirk as I remember that while the girls might be celebrating today, tomorrow will be my turn, as tomorrow marks exactly fifteen years to the day since I was born. And yet, I find I can’t even get excited about that.

“True, I guess,” I reply.

“…And won’t you be seeing them, like, tonight?” George asks. “At ballet class?”

“Yeah, I suppose,” I say.

“And just because they won’t be at school anymore, it doesn’t mean that you have to stop being a girl, right?” George asks.

“Damn right,” I say, the smile returning to my face. “And yes, you’ve made your point.”

“Good,” George says. “One more thing- you still have plenty of friends here at school. Kinda hoped I was one of them.”

“Are you angling for a hug?” I ask, smirking as my friend suddenly flinches. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’, then.” Luckily for George, at that moment, our teacher arrives to start our lesson, though I struggle to concentrate on the work for many obvious reasons. The main distraction isn’t that it’s Friday afternoon, or that it’s my birthday tomorrow, or even that my friends are leaving- it’s that I know George is right. Just because Laura and her friends are leaving and I’m staying, it doesn’t mean that everyone in school will suddenly turn into Sam Reid. I DO still have friends who genuinely like me, like George.

However, as I leave the school, I’m reminded that I have other friends who aren’t quite as ‘genuine’.

“Hey Ash!” Melissa squeaks, her trademark smug grin covering her face. “So looking forward to tomorrow, hehe!”

“Yep!” I reply with a forced smile of my own. Another reason why I’m not looking forward to my birthday as much as previous years is that this year, it’s not just going to be me, my sisters and the rest of the ‘excellent eight’ celebrating it.

In the last few months, I’ve grown a lot closer to Melissa and her ‘clique’, and while it has its advantages- the teasing and bullying I’ve had to endure has all but completely stopped- the fact still remains that it wasn’t my choice to become friends with her and her gang, and it’s definitely not my choice to remain friends with them. Melissa hasn’t so much as hinted about the photo she sent me, the one of me and Mia kissing, and it’s not like she needs to either. Mia told Harriet about the kiss of her own accord and explained everything, so Melissa doesn’t have anything on me that way, but that wasn’t the point of the photo- the point was to let me know exactly who it is who’s pulling the strings.

I’m savvy enough to know too that Melissa hasn’t befriended me out of the goodness of her heart, of course. While we’ve spoken online a few times, I haven’t seen Jamie-Lee Burke, Steph Abbott or any of the Angels or any member of Out of Heaven face to face since we met up on New Year’s Day, but Melissa obviously considers this to be close enough for her. I should consider myself lucky that she’s patient enough to wait for a ‘natural’ introduction rather than trying to force the issue, though she’ll no doubt be disappointed when she doesn’t meet any Angels at my party tomorrow.

The other girls in the gang are friendly enough, but I get the real impression that they’re only tolerating me for the sake of staying in Melissa’s good books. Lucy in particular seems to have a real problem with hanging out with me, and there’s no prizes for guessing why. Ironically, Lucy’s sister Joanna is in Bryony’s form, and the two of them have quickly become good friends to the point that she’s probably Bryony’s second-best friend after Nicole’s sister. Naturally, a part of me wonders whether or not this is just so she can torment Bryony later on if I don’t ‘behave’. Cameron- Melissa’s best friend- barely seems to acknowledge my existence most of the time, which suits me fine, but the last girl in the gang, Petra, is a bit harder to suss out. Like me, she’s an ‘outsider’, though due to her nationality rather than being transgendered, and like me, she has something Melissa desires- her parents’ wealth, rather than my ‘connections’. She’s very quiet, though- possibly because English isn’t her first language- so it’s hard to figure out exactly what she’s thinking, whether she’s tolerating me like Lucy is, or whether she sees me as a genuine friend, like a ‘kindred spirit’. Sometimes I even wonder whether or not she fancies me…

“Hi Ashley!” Mum says with a grin as I elegantly slide onto the passenger seat of her car. “Good day at school?”

“It was okay,” I shrug. “Think I told you it was the other girls’ last day before study leave, right?”

“Yeah,” mum says softly. “Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah,” I shrug.

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” mum says. “I know how close you were to Laura and the other girls, for years they were your only real friends.”

“Not much has changed,” I say, before snorting with laughter. “Okay, apart from me, heh. But even then, like, you know…”

“I know,” mum whispers, before smiling as the back door of the car opens and three young, uniformed girls squish together on the back seat. “Hi girls!”

“Hi mum!” Bryony replies with a smile.

“Hi Mrs Moore!” Sabrina says. “Thanks for the lift home.”

“Yep, thanks!” Jo says with a wide grin.

“You’re welcome, girls!” Mum replies. “Looking forward to tonight?”

“Oh- definitely!” Sabrina giggles as I smirk at the girls’ enthusiasm- especially as Bryony’s just as excited as the two other girls. Two weeks ago, the three of them (and a handful of other girls) were fitted for pointe shoes and ‘promoted’ into my class, where they quickly fit in with the other, older girls, including myself, Laura, Mia and Suri- but none of my other friends, who have all either left the class or moved to the adult class. Assuming you don’t count Melissa, that is…

“It’s really tough on your feet, though,” Jo says. “Madame Renou-Briggs says that you have to be really dedicated to ballet to get pointe shoes before you’re twelve.” I smirk as I know without looking that my sister- the only one of the three to have not yet turned twelve- is blushing.

“And none of us have broken our ankles yet,” Sabrina says smugly.

“Never going to let your sister forget that, are you?” I ask.

“Nope!” Sabrina replies. “SO glad she isn’t in the class anymore, though, that would NOT have been fun.” Maybe not for you, Sabrina…

“Tell me about it,” Bryony says with a snort of laughter.

“Hey!” I protest as the girls and my mother giggle. “You’ll miss me when I’m not in your class anymore, or at school with you.”

“We share a bedroom,” Bryony reminds me. “I won’t get the chance to miss you!”

“Eh, it’ll still be different, though,” I feebly muse.

“Yeah, it’ll be better,” Sabrina retorts. “And thanks for letting us use your regular table, by the way.”

“When did we agree to that?” I ask.

“Are you going to hog it all to yourself, then?” Bryony asks, making me sigh. That table has been the effective centre of my school life for four years, and a part of me was planning on doing just that- though logically, I know that doing so would be ridiculous, and if anyone else has to sit at our table, I’m glad it’s Bryony and her friends.

“…Take the table,” I sigh, allowing myself a sad smirk as the three girls all cheer.

A short while later, we arrive home, and after a quick dinner, I head into the bathroom to change into my ballet uniform while Bryony, Sabrina and Jo all change in our bedroom. None of the three girls- not even Jo, despite her sister’s attitude- have a problem with me changing in front of them, but I change in the bathroom anyway as I feel awkward about changing in front of them. This is less to do with me being transgendered and more about the fact that I really don’t need to see my little sister in a state of undress!

After changing, I wrap a flimsy dance skirt over my leotard, grab my dance bag and head downstairs, where dad and the three younger girls are all waiting for me, along with another even younger girl who’s pouting so hard it must be making her face hurt.

“But I want to come too…” Cassie whines, making me involuntarily smirk.

“You’ll get to go when you’re older,” dad reminds the seven year old girl. “And you already have two dance classes each week!”

“Can I come and watch?” Cassie asks. “Ashley will be doing her special dance in her special tutu as it’s her birthday tomorrow and I want to see that!”

“…I’ll record it for you and show you when we get home, okay?” Dad asks, and much to the relief of everyone, this seems to placate Cassie for now- though she does insist on getting a hug from me, Bryony and dad before we leave! I have a smile on my face as I head out to dad’s car- a few months ago, the mere mention of me wearing a tutu would’ve caused his face to go a mixture of red and green, but today, the only look on his face is one of pride. Sometimes I need to remind myself that not all changes have to be bad ones.

When the car arrives at the dance studio, Bryony, Sabrina and Jo all immediately jump out of the car and head inside, but before I open the door, I’m stopped by a gentle cough from my father.

“Ash,” dad says softly. “Wait a sec. Are- are you alright?”

“Sure,” I shrug.

“Right, that means ‘no’ then,” dad sighs. “Your mum told me what happened today, the last day for your friends. It was bound to happen sooner or later, Ash.”

“Yeah, I know,” I sigh. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it, though.”

“It’s not like you’ll never see-“ dad says, prompting a loud groan from me.

“Dad, I’ve had this conversation already today,” I interrupt, making my father sigh.

“I’ll skip to my next point, then,” dad says. “You’ll still have your sister with you at school, and she’s still going to need you to look out for her.”

“Yeah, I think Bryony’s okay looking out for herself,” I retort.

“You and I both know, from experience, that that isn’t true,” dad reminds me. “Ash, change is just part of growing up. And I’d have thought you of all people would be used to change.”

“Only changes I like,” I reply, before sighing myself. “…Okay, I get what you’re saying.”

“Good,” dad says softly. “And you know you can always talk to me if you need to. Always.”

“Thanks,” I whisper.

“Now try to cheer up!” Dad chuckles. “You’d almost think it was your birthday tomorrow or something!”

“Yeah, thanks,” I chuckle as I slide out of the car and head into the studio, where I immediately spot my sister and her friends comparing their pointe shoes while my friends sit at adjacent corners of the reception area. And yes, I said ‘corners’ and not ‘corner’- Mia, Laura and Suriya are sat in one corner while Melissa is sat in the other corner, playing with her phone. It doesn’t take me long to head over to the corner where three of my friends are sat- though, as always, I feel tense as I know that Melissa will have seen me do this, and the last thing I want to do is alienate her. Not because of any ‘retaliation’, but because it means I’ll have no one else to sit with at school from next week onward…

“Hey girlies!” I squeak as I sit down next to the three girls and straighten my tights. “Recovered after today yet?”

“HELL no!” Suriya giggles. “I know, I know, we’ve still got exams to get through and we’re probably going to be spending ALL summer studying, but you know? It’s SO great to finally be out of there!”

“Yeah,” I sadly chuckle, before grinning as I feel three pairs of arms wrap me in a tight group hug.

“That doesn’t mean we’re not going to miss you too!” Laura insists, making me smile.

“LOADS,” Mia says. “We can’t be the excellent eight without all eight of us, can we?”

“Even if we have been down to seven this last year,” Suriya sighs. “Gonna be even worse being down to six, and I know from what Priya says it’d just SUCK to be just one.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle. “Even though I keep getting reminded I’ve got other friends too.”

“Yeah, but better friends than the excellent eight?” Laura asks. “We actually invited Melissa over to sit with us but, well, take a look.”

“Yeah…” I grimace. “She’s not exactly the shy type, either… I dunno. Hope this doesn’t happen tomorrow.”

“Ooh yes,” Mia says with a twinkle in her eye. “Looks like all of us are celebrating this weekend, Miss soon-to-be-fifteen!”

“So enjoy it!” Laura orders. “We’re not going anywhere.”

“It’s just that ‘anywhere’ now includes ‘school’, hehe!” Suriya giggles as the four of us head into the studio and take our places at the barre.

After 45 minutes of hard work that leaves my feet aching, I’m ushered into a side room where I change into a voluminous pink tutu, the same tutu I wore this time last year. Even though I’ve had 12 months of nothing but pure femininity since my fourteenth birthday, it feels no less amazing to be able to pull on such a beautiful costume and be able to dance en pointe in front of the entire class, especially as this year, I not only have my father’s full approval, but he’s even recording the dance for posterity. After my dance ends, I share a loving (if awkward hug) with my father, before I’m mobbed with yet another group hug from my friends- including the one friend who didn’t hug me before the start of the lesson.

“You are SO good!” Melissa giggles. “It’s, like, you were born to be a ballerina!”

“She was!” Laura says smugly. “Hey, Bryony, wasn’t your sister good?”

“She was cool,” Bryony replies as she unties her bun, before sighing as I hold my arms open for a hug.

“Come on,” I tease, smirking as Bryony gives in and gives me a gentle hug.

“Another thing I don’t miss!” Sabrina says with a snort of laughter as she, Bryony and Jo head back to the changing room.

“…She does really,” Suriya giggles. “And you, MISS Moore, were really good tonight!”

“Thanks!” I squeak. “God, I don’t ever want there to be a time when I don’t dance, hehe!”

“Good to hear!” Madame Renou-Briggs says as she arrives to usher me back to the store room to change back into my leotard. “I shall sign you for adult classes this time next year, yes?”

“Definitely thinking about it!” I reply as I’m left to change in private. The advice I’ve been given today has been proved to be correct- just because they’re not going to school anymore, it doesn’t mean that Laura and co are any less my friends. We ARE the excellent eight. We just not be spending as much time with each other as we have done previously.

After returning home (and showing Cassie my dance video about five times), I make a start on my homework, before opting for an early night and heading to bed at the same time as my new ‘room-mate’. As I lay awake in bed, I can’t help but wonder whether the ‘excellent eight’ will still be as close as we are a year from now, or five years from now, or even ten years from now. In 2028 I’ll be 25 years old, I’ll probably have a job, will have hopefully long since had my SRS operation, might even be married or have a long-term girlfriend, and I may not even live in London anymore. But wherever, whatever and whoever I am in 2028, I truly hope that the rest of the excellent eight will be in my life.

Despite it being a Saturday, I wake up early the following morning- or rather, I’m woken up by my four younger siblings jumping on my bed and smothering me with hugs before I get the chance to protest!

“Habby birthay Ashley!” Eddy squeaks, wriggling his way to the front and giggling as I give him a kiss on his forehead, a gesture I repeat for my three sisters as well.

“Okay, okay, give your big sister some space!” Mum chuckles, ushering the four kids off the bed to give me her hug. “Happy birthday, Ashley! And thanks for making me feel old by having a fifteen year old child, heh!”

“You’re welcome,” I reply with a smug grin as my mother gives me a playful shove. “So, then…?”

“Your presents are downstairs,” mum says. “Get up, get dressed and get down there quick, young lady!”

“Can do!” I giggle as I swing my smooth, hairless legs out of bed and head toward the bathroom. After a quick shower, I pull on a comfortable pink t-shirt and a short denim skirt, before heading downstairs and sighing happily at the sight that greets me.

The living room’s main sofa is piled high with gift of all shapes and sizes. Some of them are obviously clothes, while others are in boxes or even gift bags. The one thing they have in common, though, is that all of them are covered in shiny pink wrapping paper. There’s no doubt who- or rather, what gender- these gifts are intended for.

“Oh my god!” I squeak as I approach the pile. “Thank you so much!”

“Just because number six is on the way, doesn’t mean we’re going to ignore number one!” Dad says with pride as he gives me a long hug. “Or numbers two to five, of course!” I giggle as I unwrap my presents, making sure to thank my parents (and my siblings, when I open their presents) with hugs for each one. My gifts include make-up sets, clothes, new pairs of shoes with increasingly high heels, dancewear, an armful of DVDs and plenty of Angels and Out of Heaven themed memorabilia. It’s not all that different than what I got last year, or what I got for Christmas, but somehow, it feels more special- maybe because this is my first birthday where everyone in my family is accepting me for who I truly am.

After unwrapping all my presents and eating a quick breakfast, I head back up to my bedroom to get ready for what’s going to be a busy, noisy day! A lot of my new make-up goes straight onto my face- pink eyeshadow, pink lipstick and a very heavy pair of false eyelashes, as well as a coat of dark pink polish on my fingernails. Next is the biggest decision of the day- what dress I’m doing to wear to my party later today.

Most of the dresses I own aren’t exactly ‘grown-up’- they’re almost all knee-length or longer and a looser fit than my friends would usually wear, but some are more suitable for a day like today. This is especially true for the one I eventually select, which has a slender fit, a low cut neckline and an asymmetrical skirt that starts just below my hip on one side and dips to just above my knee on the other. The whole dress has an intricate red and white pattern sewn throughout and not only looks gorgeous, but makes me feel just as beautiful as any girl once I’ve got it on. It’s actually a strain to put it back on the hanger and pull on a slouchy denim skirt and t-shirt instead, but I don’t want to crease the dress ahead of tonight’s party- I have to look perfect tonight, after all.

After using my curling iron- another new present today- to add a cute wave to my shoulder-length blonde hair, pick out a pair of strappy sandals with a 3 inch heel to go with my dress for tonight and spend a long time examining myself in my mirror. I’d dreamed of being a girl for so long that it almost feels unreal to see such a cute girl in the mirror and know that it’s me, and that this isn’t a costume, or a disguise- it’s who I really am. I spend so much time examining my reflection that I eventually get lost in thought, and am startled back to reality when my bedroom door opens and the room’s other occupant enters.

“Oh- jeez, Bryony!” I chastise my younger sister. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“What, to come into my own room?” Bryony replies.

“What if I’d been naked?” I retort.

“Like you are when we change for gym club?” Bryony asks, making me sigh and concede the point as she pulls a slender, short-sleeved grey minidress from her wardrobe and pulls it over her head. “Hope you’re not wearing that to the party tonight.”

“Hope you’re not wearing THAT!” I retort, making my sister smirk.

“Not decided yet,” Bryony says, before letting out a happy giggle as she reaches into her dresser for a small bottle of pale pink nail polish. “Thanks for letting me come along tonight, by the way.”

“You’re my sister, why wouldn’t I want you to come along?” I ask.

“I wouldn’t want Cassie at my birthday party,” Bryony replies.

“Yeah, well, you’re more grown-up than she is,” I say. “I mean, like, when you compare you and me and you and her-“

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” Bryony says with a smirk. “And thanks. Again.”

“Hell, you’re more grown-up than most of my friends,” I chuckle.

“Yeah, I know which ones too,” Bryony snorts, making me frown. Bryony and my other siblings have always been fond of Laura and her gang, but not so much of Melissa and hers, though admittedly they have had much more contact with Laura and co so haven’t really had the time to get to know Melissa all that well. Then again, the same could technically be said of me…

After a morning, lunch and early afternoon spent enjoying all my presents in the company of my sisters, I head back upstairs to touch up my make-up and change into the special dress and shoes I picked out for tonight. When I return to the living room, I’m greeted by proud smiles from my parents, as well as flashes from theirs and Bryony’s cameraphones.

“Very beautiful!” Mum beams as I giggle and do a couple of twirls. “Even if you are growing up FAR too fast.”

“Meh, you’ll just have to baby my four-soon-to-be-five younger siblings, won’t you?” I reply with a cheeky smile.

“Way ahead of you,” dad chuckles. “Just thankful there won’t be any boys there tonight.”

“Umm, one, there are,” I retort. “And two, I’m not interested even if there are, as you well know.”

“Either way, you are NOT being left alone tonight,” dad says. “Paid good money to hire that hall, I don’t want it looking like a bomb site when you’re done with it.”

“Dad!” I moan. “Just ‘cause there’s boys there it doesn’t mean we’re going to play ‘smash your head through a table’.”

“Damn right you’re not,” dad says quietly. “Guess I should just be grateful you’ve got so many friends that we need to hire somewhere for the party as this place isn’t big enough, heh.”

“Damn right you should be!” I reply, grinning as dad rolls his eyes. “I know that I am.” Even if I’d rather have quality over quantity, I think to myself. My fourteenth birthday party was celebrated with just my siblings and the rest of the ‘excellent eight’, and it was easily the best birthday party I’d ever had- though this was almost certainly due to the fact that all of my previous ones were when I was a boy. Tonight Melissa’s friends will be there as well, as will most of the school’s cheer club and a lot of their boyfriends as well. It’s almost overwhelming to think that I could actually be this popular, but I’m certainly not going to complain about it, not after the first few school years that I had to endure.

I have a wide grin on my face a short while later as I step out of dad’s car and stride into the fancy hotel function room my parents booked for the party, where I’m immediately greeted by loud cheers and tight hugs from all of my friends- ALL of them, Melissa and her gang (but thankfully, none of the boys) included.

“Happy birthday girlie!” Laura squeaks as she gives me an extra-tight hug.

“Thanks girlie!” I reply. “Thank you all so much for coming!”

“Ah, like we wouldn’t!” A voice I haven’t heard in a while says, making me gasp and wrap the owner of said voice in an even tighter hug than the one I have Laura.

“Hi Priya!” I squeak to the petite Indian girl. “God, it seems like ages since I last saw you!”

“It was two weeks!” Priya retorts.

“Still too long,” I giggle as the group hug is broken up and I’m led to a table where a large pile of presents are waiting for me, along with a huge, intricately-decorated pink cake.

Naturally, I cringe as I ensure a very loud rendition of ‘Happy Birthday to You’, before opening the presents (and thanking each present-giver with a hug), cutting the cake and giggling excitedly as the room is filled with loud, upbeat music and me and my friends head to the makeshift dancefloor. I’ve got to give my parents credit- this is definitely the most ‘grown up’ birthday party I’ve ever had, and everyone’s having a lot of fun, myself included- though a part of me still wishes the party was a smaller one, at home, with just my closest friends.

“Hey Ash!” I hear a voice calling from the bar in the corner of the room. I quickly skip over to the bar to discover that Laura, Suriya, Melissa and Cameron are all sat at the bar sipping elaborate colourful (and, as my parents have drilled into me, alcohol-free) drinks. I elegantly climb onto the barstool that’s been left for me in the middle of the group, expertly arranging my dress to avoid flashing my underwear to the entire room (something I’ve had plenty of practice doing during science classes).

“Hey girlies!” I giggle as I’m handed a ‘mocktail’ of my own. “Having fun, I hope?”

“Ugh, totally!” Melissa replies. “I am SO getting my parents to book this room for my sweet sixteen, hehe!”

“Maybe I should get it for my ‘sweet seventeen’, hehe!” Laura says with an excited squeak. “Thank you SO much for letting the boys come along too, heh.”

“The more the merrier!” I say with a half-hearted chuckle.

“It’s kinda like a rehearsal prom!” Suriya says. “Only today, we all know who the prom queen would be, hehe!”

“I dub thee ‘Queen Ashley’!” Melissa cheers, making me blush. “Ugh, SO wish we had a prom this year.”

“Yeah, year tens should get them as well!” Cameron says as Melissa and I nod in agreement.

“If we had to wait, you can too,” Laura retorts with a grin that makes me wince- this party will get a lot less fun very quickly if two of the girls get into a fight, which I can easily see happening now…

“Whatever,” Melissa shrugs, making me internally breathe a sigh of relief. “We’ll just have to make sure OUR prom is the biggest and best ever!”

“Hell yeah!” I giggle, wincing again at a look of confusion in Laura and Suriya’s faces.

“…Whatever,” Suriya shrugs, before giggling. “I’ll just have to make sure my ‘sweet seventeen’ is better than EVERY prom put together, hehe!”

“Is this going to be us from now on?” Laura asks our petite Indian friend. “Spending all our lives either going to parties or thinking about parties?”

“I hope so!” Suriya replies, earning loud giggles from all of us. “I’m still hoping we get an invite to an Angel party this summer, I mean, they’ve let under 18s in before.”

“Under 18 but over 16, anyway,” Laura says with a smug grin that makes me, Melissa and Cameron roll our eyes.

“I can wait,” Melissa shrugs. “Kinda surprised there aren’t any Angels here tonight, though. I mean, you do have a spot picked out for that special tattoo Jamie-Lee Burke has, don’t you?” …And there we go, I think to myself as I fidget in my seat.

“I’ve got four younger siblings and another one on the way,” I reply. “My parents will go MENTAL if I get a tattoo even after I turn eighteen.”

“Yeah, but still, though,” Melissa says as I feel increasingly tense.

“Hey girlies!” Priya squeaks as she approaches the bar, mercifully easing my tension as she climbs onto a barstool next to her sister. “Umm… Why are you getting drinks yourselves and not having the boys do it for you? That is why we brought them, isn’t it?”

“They’re all busy playing pool,” Suriya snorts. “Found the table and just jumped on it like, I dunno, squirrels or something.”

“BOYS,” Laura and I say simultaneously, triggering a giggling fit from the rest of the girls.

“Maybe I won’t pick THIS room for my sweet sixteen after all,” Melissa says with a smug grin.

“…Anyway,” Priya says. “What are we talking about?”

“Prom, parties, Angels,” Laura replies. “The usual stuff, hehe!”

“And how we’re going to celebrate once our GCSEs are over!” Suriya says.

“Jealous of THAT, too!” Melissa says as Cameron snorts with laughter.

“Can’t wait to be done with school,” Cameron says. “Not have to wear a stupid uniform every day…”

“Aww, but you’ll miss me though, won’t you?” Melissa asks, making me smirk as I wonder whether or not Cameron has a choice.

“Yeah, ‘course I will!” Cameron giggles. “Want to go and try to drag the BOYS away from the pool table?”

“It’s about time they started paying some attention to us!” Melissa says with a confident smirk as she and Cameron step down from the bar stools and head toward the increasingly masculine corner of the room.

“Thank god,” Laura breathes after the two girls are out of earshot.

“What- really?” I ask.

“No offence, Ash,” Laura says, “I know they’re your friends, but they are a bit full on.”

“More than ‘a bit’,” Suriya says. “And have been all year at cheer club.”

“Before you sat down they’d spent about five minutes trashing poor Allie,” Laura sighs. “Kinda why I called you over- no offence, again.”

“Umm, none taken, I guess,” I say- though it doesn’t look like my friends are convinced, not least because of the awkward silence falls over the four of us.

“Hey,” the bartender says in an effort to break the silence. “Do you girls want to have a go at mixing some drinks yourselves? Nothing alcoholic, obviously, but, you know?”

“Sure!” Priya says, leading the rest of us behind the bar. “Unless any of you would rather play pool now the table is free, Suri?”

“Oh sure,” Suriya replies with a sarcastic roll of her eyes. “I’ll just bend over the table and flash the entire room in this dress!” Laura, Priya and I giggle as the petite girl tugs down the hem of her extra-short dress, before standing and watching as the bartender demonstrates his craft for us and invites us to have a go.

Fortunately, the activity does help to ease the tension, especially when Nicole, Megan, Harriet and Mia come to sample our drinks- though I can’t help but notice that Melissa’s gang stay on the dancefloor with their boyfriends instead. Nonetheless, the eight of us being together like this definitely puts a smile on my face, even if it does feel like this truly is the end of an era.

As the evening wears on, the gulf between my two sets of friends gets more pronounced, especially after the early departure of Bryony and her friends. I find myself flitting between the ‘Excellent Eight’ and Melissa’s group, but tend toward the former group, especially when the hotel managers produce a karaoke machine and the seven girls serenade me with a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday to You’ by Stevie Wonder. The other four girls, on the other hand, stick to more ‘trendy’ songs by Little Mix or Out of Heaven.

By 8:30pm, the party is beginning to wind down, and I’m left feeling ambivalent. I have had a lot of fun tonight, and everyone else clearly has too, but the division between my two sets of friends has left me feeling troubled. They needn’t worry about it, of course, as they’re not likely to see each other ever again, but I’d hoped that tonight would’ve been an opportunity for all my friends to unite. I now see that hope was in vain, and judging by some of the looks Melissa has been giving me throughout the evening, my membership of her gang might not be guaranteed.

Just before 9pm, however, something happens that completely erases my tension and easily marks today as my best birthday ever. As I’m heading back from the bar with a round of drinks for my friends, the door to the function room opens… And in walks Stephanie Abbott, accompanied by my friends Jacinta and Nikki. All three women have wide grins on their faces, which widen when they see me and make a beeline for where I’m sat.

“Hey birthday girlie!” Nikki squeaks, giving me a gentle hug when she sees me.

“Oh my god, hi!” I squeak in return, uncontrollably bouncing up and down with excitement. “What are you doing here?”

“Celebrating the birthday of our fellow fellowship member, of course!” Jacinta giggles as she gives me her hug, before I shake with excitement as I exchange a brief hug with my all-time favourite singer.

“Oh my god,” I say, trying (and failing) to blink back tears as the famous transwoman giggles excitedly. “I can’t believe you’re really here!”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Stephanie says. “Never had a ‘little sister’ before, hehe! Well… ‘Little sisters’, anyway!” I giggle tiredly as I suddenly realise that I- or rather, Stephanie and I- have attracted the attention of everyone in the room, most of whom have their phones in hand and are either snapping or filming us.

“Oh look, Steph!” Nikki teases. “They’ve even set up a microphone for you!”

“One word, Nikki,” Stephanie retorts. “’Venus.”

“I’ll behave,” Nikki says between giggles as the crowd of my friends slowly approaches us. “Though you’re going to want to say something before we get a riot here…” I giggle as Stephanie rolls her eyes at her friend’s teasing before clearing her throat.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Stephanie announces. “When I heard that the youngest member of our ‘fellowship’ was celebrating her fifteenth birthday today, I decided that I couldn’t not drop in to help her celebrate, even if it just for a few minutes! Though seeing how many friends Ashley has, she doesn’t need that much help, hehe!”

“Thanks,” I mumble as my cheeks start to redden.

“I know I’d have given anything for my fifteenth birthday to have been like this,” Stephanie muses. “And to have had so many amazing friends. Because…?”

“You can never have too many friends!” The crowd- male and female- all cheer.

“So happy birthday, Ashley!” Stephanie giggles. “We can’t stay long as we kinda have our own Saturday night party to go to now, but we also wanted to give you this.”

“It’s a piece of paper with some writing on it,” Nikki teases as she hands me an envelope.

“A cheque’s a piece of paper with some writing on it,” I retort, earning giggles from my friends as I open the envelope, before gasping at what the piece of paper says.

“I think you’ll find that’s a bit better than just a cheque!” Jacinta giggles, and I most definitely agree. Written on the paper is the phrase ‘this voucher entitles the bearer to one full-length photoshoot at the Heavenly Talent main office in Soho, London’.

“Oh. My. God!” I squeak.

“We thought we’d get you something you REALLY wanted,” Nikki says. My smile starts to fade, though, as I feel several pairs of eyes start to drill into the back of my head.

“Can- can my friends come along?” I nervously ask.

“Told you,” Nikki whispers to Jacinta, unaware I could tell what she was saying.

“We can’t take photos of EVERYONE,” Jacinta says hesitantly. “It probably won’t even be me doing it as I’ll be, well, ‘unavailable’… Don’t see there’s any harm in people coming along to watch, though.”

“Oh my god!” Melissa predictably squeaks from the gaggle behind me.

“Thank you SO much for this!” I gush, giggling as I earn another round of hugs from my older friends.

“Just remember us when you’re the millionaire superstar, okay?” Jacinta asks, giggling as I nod.

“Now I’m afraid we really do have to get going,” Stephanie grimaces. “…Though I suppose we could stay long enough to take a few selfies, heh!” Naturally, this invitation is quickly accepted, and by the time the three women leave, the party is once again buzzing with energy, and remains that way when the hotel managers all but kick us out just after 10:30pm.

Naturally, I have a lot on my mind during the car ride home. What Stephanie said is definitely true- that I should consider myself lucky to be able to celebrate my fifteenth birthday the way I did. She didn’t, nor did Jacinta or Nikki. Laura, however, did. Her fifteenth birthday was just the eight of us (and Laura's stepsister) getting makeovers at a local salon, and as fun as tonight was, a large part of me wishes tonight had been like that. Still, though, I show the proper gratitude to my parents when we get home, before heading to the bathroom to scrub away my make-up and climb into bed, taking care not to disturb the already-sleeping Bryony.

I must have been more tired than I thought as the next thing I’m aware of after laying my head on my pillow is Bryony opening our bedroom curtains and daylight streaming through the windows.

“Ugh,” I moan as I scrape a lock of dishevelled hair out of my mouth. “What- what time is it?”

“Just after 8:30,” my sister replies. “Mum sent me to get you up, we’re heading to grandma and grandpa’s in a bit.”

“…Yeah, yeah, I know,” I sigh as I swing my legs out of bed and try to stretch away my tiredness before heading to the bathroom to get ready. It’s something of a tradition in the family that we visit our grandparents (or they visit us) after my or my siblings’ birthdays and this year is no different, but fortunately, it’s grandpa Chris and grandma Jo, my father’s parents, that we’re visiting today. They, along with great-grandma Hazel (grandma Jo’s mother) have always been supportive of me and my transition, even when my father himself wasn’t. Now that that entire side of the family supports me, today should be a chance to relax, both after last night and especially before tomorrow. I also take the opportunity to wear some of the new clothes I got yesterday, namely a cute black skater skirt and a pair of knee-high flat soled boots I got from my parents, and a striped short-sleeved bodysuit I got from Nicole yesterday that has the phrase ‘Miss Awesome’ written on the front in shiny rhinestones.

Naturally, the outfit gets a lot of compliments from my sisters and my parents (and my followers on Instagram, all of whom agree with the statement on the front of the bodysuit). Even though the front of the bodysuit is a little lower than most of my tops, my grandparents also compliment me on my appearance and spend the entire visit grilling me about life, school and especially last night’s party. Despite this, I still feel rejuvenated when we head home later in the afternoon, and after finishing off the last of my homework, I settle down for an evening of chatting online with my friends.

Within a few minutes of joining the chat, though, it suddenly dawns on me that I won’t be seeing any of the girls I’m talking to tomorrow, and will only see a few of them the day after at ballet. This triggers a very weird feeling in my stomach that stays with me as I head to bed, and only gets weirder as I get up the following morning, pull on the tights, blouse and skirt that make up my uniform and head down to dad’s car.

It’s a surreal feeling when I arrive at the school gate to find no one waiting there for me. I’m usually one of the last to arrive (as we have to drop my sisters off at primary school first) so there’s always a friendly face waiting for me. Today, however, I’m walking to form alone, and for the first time in a while, I feel my self-consciousness return as I feel several pairs of eyes staring at me walking through the school corridors.

“Alright mate?” George asks me as I sit down next to him with a loud sigh. “Guessing that’s a ‘no’, then?”

“I guess,” I shrug.

“It- it was a great party on Saturday,” George says. “Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you much but, you know, you were talking to the other girls most of the time…”

“It’s okay,” I say quietly.

“Yeah… You don’t look well, mate, are you sure you’re okay?” George asks.

“I’m fine!” I snap, before sighing. “I- it’s just a bit different today, you know? No Laura or any of the other girls…”

“Ah mate, tell me about it,” George sighs. “Not gonna get to see Meg until, like, Wednesday, and she’ll be too busy studying then too.”

“Yeah,” I sigh.

“Guess you’ll just have to hang out with the most popular girls in the year instead!” George says with a snort of laughter as I roll my eyes. “Seriously, mate, if you’ve got Melissa Jeffries as your ‘backup friend’, you’re not doing too bad!”

“I guess,” I shrug. “It still won’t be the same though.”

“Maybe it’ll be better?” George suggests. “Don’t tell Megan I said that, obviously.”

“I won’t,” I giggle as Mr Jackson arrives to start the lesson and I wonder whether or not George might have a point- then again, Laura’s never had to blackmail me into being her friend…

The first two lessons of the day go as normal- none of Laura’s gang were in those, after all- but when the bell sounds for break, the weird feelings return when I head out to our usual table to discover Bryony, Sabrina, Jo and a couple of their friends sat around it like it’s always been their regular hangout. With a sigh, I slink off and head toward a different part of the school grounds, where four girls my age are sat gossiping on a U-shaped bench- though they instantly shut up as they see me approach.

“Ooh, look who’s come crawling to us now her better friends have all left!” Cameron sneers, making my cheeks redden.

“And now she wants to sit with us!” Melissa says with a smug grin.

“I- I can go if you want…” I mumble.

“I dunno girls, should we let her sit down?” Melissa asks, her smug grin making way for a genuine giggle. “Show of hands?” I breathe a sigh of relief as all four girls- even Lucy, however reluctantly- raise their hands and Cameron and Petra clear a space between them for me to sit down. Naturally, I waste no time in accepting the invitation!

“Thanks!” I giggle nervously as I smooth my skirt over my thighs. “I did, you know, worry…”

“Like we’d ever turn away someone who got us selfies with Stephanie Abbott!” Melissa says. “I got, like, almost a thousand likes on Instagram for that photo!” 400 is ‘almost a thousand’? I think to myself.

“That was so cool!” Petra giggles in her soft Eastern European accent. “Did you know she would come?”

“It was a surprise to me too!” I say. “I mean, I figured Nikki would come ‘cause we talk online a lot, and she’s good friends with Jacinta, but Steph was a real surprise, hehe!”

“YOU were surprised?” Cameron says. “How d’you think we felt? I mean, yeah, we knew about the whole ‘fellowship’ thing, but still, wish I had a national celebrity show up to my birthday party!”

“Maybe we’ll all become friends with Steph?” Melissa shrugs. “You never know…”

“I doubt it,” Lucy snorts, making Melissa roll her eyes, much to my surprise.

“Jamie-Lee Burke says you can never have too many friends,” Petra says. “She wasn’t at the party too, though.”

“Maybe she’ll be at Ash’s sweet sixteen?” Melissa shrugs.

“Maybe,” I say with a grin that makes my friends giggle excitedly, letting me know I’ve been fully accepted as part of their group.

This acceptance lasts all the way through break and lunch as well, where I sit down in my new spot like I’ve never sat anywhere else and spend the whole of the 45 minutes gossiping with my friends. The stuff we talk about is trivial at best- TV, music and celebrities for the most part- but the fact that I’m talking about it with other girls is all that matters to me. Then again, the same could be said of every other lunch period I’ve had since making friends with Laura…

Eventually, the bell rings to signify the end of the school day, and I will admit that I’m more relaxed than I was at the start of the day. Melissa’s desire to be my friend seems to be genuine, even if it’s motivated by reasons other than pure friendship, and George is still the good friend he’s always been. My good mood most be obvious as a grin immediately appears on my mother’s face as I slide onto the front seat of her car.

“Good day, then?” My mother asks as we wait for my younger sister.

“Meh, not as bad as I thought it would be,” I shrug. “I’ve- I just, you know, hang out with Melissa and her friends at break and lunch.”

“The other girls who were at your party?” Mum asks, smiling as I nod. “I’m glad. I’ll be honest, I like Laura and her friends more, but they all seem like decent girls.”

“I like them,” I say.

“But you like Laura and her friends more?” Mum asks, making me sigh. “I’ll take that sigh as a ‘yes’. Ashley, you’ll get used to the new situation. By this time next week you’ll probably have forgotten that Laura was ever at the same school as you.”

“I hope not,” I say as Bryony, Sabrina and Jo all slide onto the back seat of the car.

Despite mum inadvertently bringing me down, I remain mostly upbeat for the rest of the afternoon, and after eating dinner with my family I head upstairs to change into a comfortable pink t-shirt and a pair of tight grey cut-off trousers, before settling down to do my homework. After an hour of solid work, I decide that I’ve earned a break, so I put my homework down and switch on my tablet computer. I chuckle as I log into Facebook and am immediately invited into a group chat with my friends- the ones I wasn’t sitting with at lunch today.

‘Hey birthday girlie!’ Laura types as I enter the chatroom. ‘We SO missed you today.’

‘Totally,’ Nicole concurs.

‘Trust me, I missed you girlies more!’ I reply, giggling as the other seven girls reply with ‘hugging’ emojis.

‘Aww,’ Suriya types. ‘If it helps I didn’t see any of the other girls today either.’

‘Not even your sister!?’ Megan asks.

‘She didn’t get up until 11am and then went straight round her boyfriend’s,’ Priya types, earning a ‘bashful giggle’ emoji from her sister that makes me giggle. ‘Some of us still actually have to get up in the morning, don’t we Ashley?’

‘Yep!’ I type.

‘Trust us, we ARE working hard,’ Harriet types, accompanied by a ‘tired’ emoji. ‘Done English AND maths today, yawn!’

‘Same,’ Mia types. ‘Figured we’ve earned a break and can’t think of any better way to relax!’

‘Too right!’ I type. ‘Who or what are we gossiping about today? Anyone who recently had a birthday, maybe?’ I giggle as my ‘winking’ emoji earns several ‘sticking out tongue’ emojis in response.

‘It was an awesome party,’ Harriet types. ‘Can’t believe Steph Abbott came! Did either of you know about this?’

‘‘Either of you’ means me or Ashley, right?’ Laura types. ‘And nope, I didn’t. Sure, they dropped round and Jamie did as well so I figured Nikki and Jacinta would drop round but Steph was a surprise.’

‘She is so nice though,’ Nicole types. ‘Made Sabrina well jealous when I got a selfie with her!’ This is a familiar conversation, I think to myself. Maybe my two sets of friends aren’t all that different after all…

‘I’ve told my parents I’m expecting huge things for my sweet sixteen next month!’ Mia types.

‘I can guarantee that you won’t be disappointed!’ Harriet types with a ‘winking’ emoji, before the two girls exchange a barrage of ‘kissing’ emojis. Maybe there are a few differences in the two groups after all…

‘Enough kissing!!!’ Nicole types. ‘We were talking about something else, weren’t we?’

‘What were we talking about?’ I ask, frowning as the chat suddenly pauses. ‘Girlies? Still there?’

‘It’s nothing,’ Suriya types.

‘Obviously it’s more than ‘nothing’,’ I type. ‘What were you talking about? Was it Melissa and her friends? Cause anything you say you know I’ll keep private.’

‘We weren’t talking about her,’ Laura replies. ‘Though she is a bit of a try-hard.’

‘A ‘bit’ of a try-hard!?’ Harriet types with a ‘laughing’ emoji. ‘She was a total PITA on Saturday. No offence Ash, I know she’s your friend but yuck!’

‘None taken!’ I reply, even as I let out a long sigh. My two sets of friends don’t need to get along as they obviously won’t interact anymore- well, not apart from my next birthday, anyway- but I’d hoped they could at least be nice to each other, even in private. And I can’t help but note that Laura’s gang are being meaner about Melissa and her friends than they were about them…

‘The Polish girl was nice though,’ Priya types, relieving some of my anxiety. ‘Did I hear she was rich?’

‘Her family won half a million on the lottery,’ I type. ‘She’s pretty cool.’

‘Cute, too,’ Harriet types.

‘Because she looks a bit like me?’ Mia types with a ‘fluttering eyelashes’ emoji.

‘No! No more kissing!’ Laura types, and I giggle as Harriet and Mia reply with ‘sad’ emojis.

‘We’re going to need a crowbar to separate you two when we go down to the beach!’ Nicole types, triggering another awkward pause in the conversation.

‘Beach?’ I type.

‘Ash,’ Laura types after a long pause, ‘we’ve been thinking about going to the beach this summer to celebrate finishing our GCSEs.’ I let out a long sigh s the implication of this is clear- namely that I’m not invited as I won’t have finished my GCSEs this summer.

‘Okay,’ I type. ‘My parents probably wouldn’t let me go anyway cause of being 15.’

‘That’s what we figured,’ Suriya types.

‘We were going to tell you,’ Megan types. ‘But we’re not even sure where we’re going yet, and we figured you’d probably go next year with Melissa and co anyway.’

‘Okay,’ I reply as my heart sinks even further.

‘Last year I went on the same trip with friends from my year,’ Priya types, obviously trying to be helpful.

‘You had friends in your year?’ Suriya asks, earning an ‘angry’ emoji from her sister.

‘Should we be jealous?’ Nicole asks as I feel more and more uncomfortable with the conversation.

‘It was a big trip, about 40 of us from our year,’ Priya explains.

‘It’s okay you don’t need to explain,’ Laura types. ‘Same if Ashley does the trip next year with Melissa and co.’

‘Thanks,’ I type, before letting out a long sigh. ‘Need to get back to homework now, ttyl!’

‘See you soon!’ Suriya types, followed by other farewell messages as I log out and toss my tablet computer back on my bed.

“God…” I moan to myself as I try to process the conversation in my mind. I can hardly blame the girls for wanting their beach trip- they’ve said they won’t blame me for going next year, after all- but it’s obvious they didn’t want me to know about it. Maybe they wanted to spare my feelings, maybe they just genuinely didn’t want me to go along, I don’t know. All I know is what I saw, and that’s my friends plotting a beach trip without me just 2 days after they last saw me at my own birthday party.

The conversation stays on my mind throughout the evening and even after I climb into bed, causing me to toss and turn all night and feel lousy when I get up the following morning. As we’re heading to school, I find myself feeling worse than I’ve done in a long time, but as I approach the gate, an unexpected sight puts the smile straight back onto my face.

“Hello girlie!” Petra says with a wide grin. “I did say that right, yeah?”

“You said it great!” I giggle as I exchange a gentle hug with the raven-haired girl. “What are you doing here? You don’t usually wait for anyone, do you?”

“I’m in form with Lucy, so I wait for her usually,” Petra replies. “But she’s sick today, and I know you’re used to meeting friends at the gate, so I thought ‘why not’?”

“Well I appreciate it, I really do,” I say with a happy giggle. “No Melissa or Cameron, then?”

“I think they do their own thing in the morning,” Petra shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe there’s still shame in being friends with an immigrant girl.”

“Umm, hello?” I reply. “You want to talk about shame?” Petra sighs and smiles supportively as I gesture to my own body.

“You open your mouth and people hear an English girl,” Petra retorts. “Can’t hide my accent like you can your past.”

“There are what, fifteen Polish kids in the school and about a hundred more who aren’t British?” I ask. “How many other transgendered kids are there in the school?”

“There’s Lau- oh,” Petra says, biting her lip. “Okay, you win this.”

“Yeah, ‘win’,” I sigh as the realisation dawns on me that I really am the only transgendered student in the school. Suddenly, I feel more alone than ever… But that feeling just as suddenly vanishes when Petra gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

“If we were losers, would we be the most popular girls in school?” The Polish girl asks, making me giggle.

“Yeah, but we’re not popular ‘cause you’re Polish and I’m trans,” I remind my new friend.

“Maybe we can make what was uncool cool,” Petra suggests. “There are two transgendered Angels in Britain and ones in Germany, Italy, Australia and now Ireland. Think you could call your friend Jamie-Lee and ask her to make Polish Angels?”

“I’m not sure I’m THAT important,” I reply, making the raven-haired girl giggle.

“Meh, you’re still cool,” Petra says as we head to our separate forms. “And not just because of who you are friends with!” Despite my lack of sleep and my earlier misery, I have a smile on my face and a spring in my step as I head into form.

“Alright, mate?” George asks as I sit down next to him. “That’s a ‘yes’ today, innit?”

“…Yes and no,” I shrug. “Still getting used to, you know, things.”

“Okay,” George says. “But that was a big smile when you came in.”

“I was talking to Petra,” I say. “Getting to know her a little better. She’s pretty cool, you know?”

“Her family’s loaded,” George reminds me.

“And I’m friends with several celebrities even though I’m only fifteen,” I retort.

“…Point?” George asks.

“I think I’d still be cool if I wasn’t,” I say. “And Petra would still be cool if her family wasn’t rich.”

“Do you fancy her?” George asks, making me roll my eyes.

“She’s a friend,” I shrug.

“Mate, she’s had a boyfriend in the past, she doesn’t go in for girls,” George advises. “Plenty of other, you know…”

“Lesbians?” I ask, rolling my eyes as my friend starts to blush. “I know. And I don’t REALLY fancy her, she’s just, you know, cool.” Before George has the chance to reply, Mr Jackson arrives to begin the form period, and I find myself contemplating my friend’s words.

Petra’s definitely good-looking, friendly and sweet- and, as she pointed out this morning, we’re both ‘outsiders’ in our own individual way. Maybe I do fancy her in some subconscious way, and with Harriet and Mia no longer options, I could do a lot worse than Petra. However, this assumes that she’s interested at all, and there’s nothing to say that she is, and even if she was, god knows how awkward it’d make things with Melissa, not to mention Lucy. Still, even if she isn’t interested in that way, there’s no reason why she couldn’t become my best friend. The one thing I never had in the ‘Excellent Eight’ was a real, lasting best friend, like a BFF. At various times, Laura, Suriya or Megan filled that role, but no one consistent, especially as Laura and Megan were always BFFs for each other and Suriya’s BFF was her sister. Hell, even Bryony has a BFF in Sabrina. Sure, George has always been a best friend to me, but even he’s been more distant lately, almost like he’s more ‘Megan’s boyfriend’ than ‘Ashley’s friend’. And it’s not like I can talk to him about clothes, make-up or dancing (even if we never did establish what happened to that pair of tights that went missing from Megan’s bag). Petra, on the other hand, could be the best friend I always wanted. I bet she’d never run off to the beach without even telling me…

Once the bell rings for break, I head straight outside and to my new ‘spot’ where my friends are waiting for me. Even though the quickest route there takes me past my old table, I don’t even pause to look at it, instead focussed on my destination and the three friends waiting for me there.

“Hey!” I giggle as I sit down between Cameron and Petra. “Saved me a seat today, then?”

“Saved you two, in fact!” Cameron replies with a smug grin.

“You’d better not be saying I have a big bum!” I retort, earning a genuine chuckle from the brown-haired girl. “It’s okay. I heard about Lucy, she okay?”

“Think it’s just flu,” Petra replies.

“Hope she’s not sick from having been around five transgendered people this Saturday just gone,” I say with a smug smirk of my own.

“She’d better not be,” Melissa says, her tone of voice implying that she has no time for Lucy’s transphobia- and which is oddly relieving to me. “And I’d better not get her flu either, not when there are solo parts up for grabs in the Daft Punk ballet show!”

“Oh you are an absolute shoe-in for one of those,” I say, and as much as it may sound like I’m kissing up to Melissa, she is genuinely good enough to be one of the soloists. Which makes me wonder why Laura and Suri always criticised her effort in cheer club…

“Even if no one’ll be able to tell it’s you because you’ll be wearing one of those robot helmets all the time,” Cameron teases.

“Soloists don’t wear the helmets, only the backing dancers do,” Melissa replies smugly.

“Which means no one will be able to tell who I am in the helmet and the silver unitard thing we’ll be wearing,” I say with an overdramatic sigh.

“Aww,” Petra playfully sighs. “What is this ‘unitard’ thing you’re talking about? Is it like a leotard?”

“You’d know if you came to the dance class!” I reply, sighing as the Polish girl blushes. “Ahh… Sorry, sorry.”

“You know why I don’t dance,” Petra says quietly. “I would be like a spider with eight broken legs!”

“No. You. Wouldn’t,” Melissa insists. “I’ve told you a hundred times, nine tenths of being a great dancer is being girly and gorgeous. Tell me, girls, is Petra girly and gorgeous!”

“Hell yeah!” I cheer as I feel myself starting to relax.

“Both!” Cameron chuckles.

“And you’re great at cheer club,” I remind my friend.

“A hell of a lot better than Allie is, anyway,” Melissa sneers, abruptly ending my relaxed feeling and reminding me why I usually hung out with Laura and co.

“Ugh, totally,” Cameron spits. A quick glance over at Petra, however, tells me that she’s just as uncomfortable with this as I am, though she’s obviously playing along for the same reasons as me. I make a mental note to talk privately to my new friend later as I feign interest in Melissa and Cameron’s sniping at Allie and several of the other girls in the year, which dominates the conversation until the bell rings to signal the end of our break time.

After my next lesson, I waste no time in heading back to my new ‘spot’, though with considerably more trepidation than this morning. Fortunately, Melissa and Cameron are in a much less catty mood than they were this morning but still get in a few swipes at some of their least favourite classmates (particularly poor Allie) that leave both me and Petra feeling uneasy. By the end of the lunch period, though, all four of us have wide grins on our faces, and I must admit, mine is as wide as it ever was when hanging out with Laura and her friends. And, as luck would have it, my next lesson is along the same route as Petra’s next lesson.

“Going my way, then?” I tease the black haired girl, who giggles in response.

“Looks like it!” Petra replies. “What have you got next?”

“French,” I reply, internally breathing a sigh of relief- this time last term, it would've been maths, which would've meant another hour of Melissa and Cameron. “You?”

“The same,” Petra shrugs. “But I’m set 3.”

“Ah,” I say. “Yeah, it’s kinda a favourite subject of mine, heh. Got a knack for learning languages for some reason.”

“Maybe I could teach you Polish?” Petra says with a giggle.

“Yeah, I’d like that!” I reply with a girlish giggle of my own.

“Ariadna- my little sister- is really good at other languages,” Petra explains. “They think she is specially clever, or something.”

“Yeah, I know all about having a little sister who’s too smart for her own good!” I say. “I’d- I’d better get going now, talk later?”

“Sure!” Petra chuckles. “I can give you a first lesson, hehe! Are you busy tonight?”

“It’s ballet night,” I reply. “And no, I’m not saying that in yet another attempt to get you into a pair of tights and a leotard. This time.”

“Hehe!” Petra squeaks excitedly. “You have fun, okay? Talk tomorrow!”

“See you tomorrow!” I wave after Petra before heading to my final class of the day.

Later in the evening, I walk into the familiar surrounds of the Krystie Fullerton School of Dance clad in my regulation tights, leotard and flimsy dance skirt. As with when I arrived last Friday, I’m faced with the choice of sitting with Melissa in her corner, or with Laura, Suriya and Mia in their corner. Today, however, the choice is even tougher.

I know that Melissa isn't a nice person, but she's not just friendly toward me, she's defensive of me as well. Lucy wouldn't dare do or say anything to me as she knows it'd piss Melissa off a lot, and that's something nobody would dare do. And she sought out my friendship too. She wouldn't plan a trip to the beach and leave me in the dark about it, like Laura and Suriya did.

...Then again, Laura and Suriya wouldn't effectively blackmail me into being their friend. That's something I'll never be able to forget and something Melissa doesn't seem to have any problem with doing. With Melissa, I'll always be a 'sidekick' at best, but in the 'Excellent Eight', I was an equal. But that's the point- I WAS an equal. They've all moved on. Maybe I should follow their example.

"Hey Melissa!" I say as I sit down next to the petite girl- and much to my surprise, she actually looks genuinely happy to have me sat next to her.

"Oh- hey Ash!" Melissa says with a grin. "What's up?"

"What, I can't sit with my friend before the lesson?" I ask, earning a genuine grin from Melissa.

"Don't see any reason why not!" The brown haired girl replies as she goes back to studying her phone.

A few minutes later, we head into the class where we rehearse out steps for the upcoming performance, while Laura, Suriya and Mia assist with Bryony and the other younger students. At the end of the lesson, I get ready to head back to the changing room with Melissa, when I'm suddenly confronted by my three other friends. I brace myself for an argument, but much to my surprise, they don't have looks of anger on their faces, but looks of regret.

"Hey Ash," Laura says softly. "Look, we- we've been thinking about what we were talking about last night, and we- we've made a decision about our beach trip."

"We've decided when we're going to go," Suriya explains. "Last weekend in July."

"Okay," I say stoically.

"July... 2019," Suriya clarifies. "When all of us can go. All eight of us."

"Like it should be," Mia says softly. "I mean, I didn't even know you guys before year 10, now I can't imagine not being part of this awesome group!"

"And we can't imagine this awesome group without you!" Laura sighs. "Or you, Ash. So... BFFs?"

"I thought Megan was your BFF?" I ask. "Can you have more than one?"

"I hope so!" Laura giggles as she opens her arms for a hug, which I'm only too happy to provide.

"Hey, Ash!" Melissa calls as she heads for the door, making me grimace.

This decision has suddenly got a lot harder, even though I'll be seeing Melissa much more than Laura over the next few months, even though I have no problem calling her my friend, the truth is that Laura, along with the rest of the 'Excellent Eight', is a TRUE friend. And the fact remains that without her, I'd probably still be a boy, a miserable, angst and anger-filled boy instead of the girl I am. Still, maybe it'll all work out in the end, maybe my two sets of friends will be able to get on with each other after all?

Yeah, I'm not convinced either.