After a rather stressful day, we all like to unwind a little. After three stress free days to unwind while under 'doctors' orders to rest, I think we'd all go a little stir crazy, right? ..just imagine how badly Hannah's been handling it!.. Events unfold including but not limited to: Pixies attack some left over vegetation, a discussion is had about bunny/fish (while it proceeds to eat a campfire) and Hannah threatens to give a career soldier a blue-rinse perm! Admit it, ya'll have missed the craziness, right?

 

“Don’t forget to call ahead Ari.”

With a heavy groan I finished pulling my sock up and shot a glare to the ceiling.
I’d glare at Mum but honestly she’d probably not take it well and it’s not exactly her fault or anything.

..I’m just in a bad mood really..
Three days ago I may or may not have kicked over an anthill commonly known as ‘the Hub’.. more specifically, in the course of trying to flee from a psychotic fae Queen, I may have also accidentally kicked off and consequently won a rather anti-climactic fae civil war in the process..

Then I topped it all off by almost killing a squad of Hub SWAT soldiers for shooting my, at the time trying to start her own smaller civil war, ‘Aunt’ Grace who now just happens to be missing in action..

THEN I went and blew myself up by overloading my core in a stupid attempt to warp outside and confront a group of Hub staff that’d come to apologise for their actions while looking to find out just what the hell I did to turn their reception area into an, apparently accurate, replica of my own ‘golden palace of excess’ with a still spreading infection of my magic..

So.. yes, I’m in a bad mood for some unknown reason at the moment?

It doesn’t help anything that I’m practically under house arrest now either honestly.
One little detail of becoming ‘Lady Hannah Garnier-Cooper, heir of Maxarmius and daughter to Arista’ that John just HAPPENED to forget to mention in his rush to turn me into a political super-weapon was that, apparently, if you get a long-winded title like that then the Hub get the damn fool idea into their collective heads that you must be SPECIAL in some way.. special enough to need PROTECTION!

Mum was kind of annoyed that I managed to turn our garden into an overgrown jungle of wildflowers at first but I think she’s feeling sorry for me enough at this point to let the topic go for now luckily, so that’s something I guess?
I’ve not left the house in two day’s and not left our newly expanded ‘clan compound’ since I escaped from the Hub the day before that to be honest.
The plan today is for me to go into town though at last!

Gran’s finally cleared me as being ‘stable’ enough to be trusted on my own without supervision.. not that it matters really considering I personally doubt anyone’s going to let me do a damn thing on my own from now on?!

My little shopping trip, which started off as me planning to go get myself some more ‘lazy’ clothes, possibly a new swimsuit and dropping in to visit Edith at her shop while I was in the area, has now reached a point of being just plain silly in all honesty.
Sarah wouldn’t hear of me going shopping without her so I’ve had to delay all morning until she could get back from whatever she was doing, which she now has and is currently in the process of getting changed into something more ‘shopping appropriate’ from, naturally.

Eris has been even more clingy then usual since I passed out, so there wasn’t much of an option on leaving her behind for me there either, but her presence is still worth noting too.

At this exact moment John is ‘scouting the area’ in town along with a sizable chunk of my ‘children’ because of their paranoid belief that I’ll somehow hurt myself just from going shopping if he doesn’t have the whole town on bloody lock-down!

On top of ALL of that we have the Hub’s new ‘security protocols’ to deal with.. basically after I passed out John spent a few hours hashing out details with Trudy, once they’d gotten past the initial almost all-out war that happened when the family found me unconscious in her arms of course, which have added yet another wrinkle to my plans of a quick shopping trip by adding in a full security detail worthy of the president from out of bloody nowhere!

As Mum just suggested I’ve been ‘informed’ that for my own protection I must call my new security detail’s representative, a rather severe grey haired man with an air of military experience about him by the name of ‘Paul’, who will bring their car’s around to pick us up at any time day or night that I feel the need to leave the compound in the slightest.
..is it wrong that I miss being a nobody?..

To REALLY add insult to injury I have a new problem tha-

“Hey! Stop that!”
Eris giggled to herself from her position leaning against me at the kitchen counter which really didn’t help things at all to be honest.
When my initial cry didn’t get much of a reaction I gave a huff and waved my hands around my head, creating just enough of a breeze to send the stupid little flutter-bug’s whizzing away from my hair again with giggles that sounded like tinkling bells of some kind.

-where was I?

Oh yeah, so the latest problem to rear it’s annoying little army of heads is that something I’ve done, either when I turned our garden into a flower filled paradise or when I ‘beat’ Maven back in the Hub, has made the fae pay a lot more bloody attention to me than they ever did before!

In some cases it’s simple, but weird, things that kind of make sense like yesterday when I almost tripped down the stairs and suddenly found myself floating on a mob of chittering, happy little imps who ‘helped’ me glide my way back down to solid ground again unharmed.. but on the other, more aggravating, hand there are things like the pixies that keep popping up out of nowhere and platting my hair full of wildflowers when I’m not paying attention.

It doesn’t help that they are so damn silent and tiny either!
I know it’s not like they’re some great evil or threat but YOU try to keep track of what is essentially a pack of sneaky little flying, and mildly glowing, girls who only seem to make noise when they giggle to themselves once their ‘job’ is done?!

Eris finds them funny too so she doesn’t say anything and after the first few times I caught them they started only appearing when my back was turned so they could follow behind me and work without interruption.

..speaking of Eris..
I cut my eyes down to her with a sigh as the barely visible multi-colored little lights that are pretty much all I can see of the Pixies converged around her to lift her hair around playfully while giggling quietly to themselves.

I have honestly NO idea why, but when they can’t get their hands on me the Pixies seem inordinately fascinated by Eris?
It probably doesn’t help things that she encourages them so much really.
For practically invisible little beings that are more a magical construct then actual creatures the Pixies are turning out to be possibly THE most determined, yet harmless, fae I’ve ever met!

“Here you go..”
My head jerked up to watch Mum’s happy little smile as she placed a small dish full of wet lettuce down on the kitchen counter.

The Pixies almost instantly lost all interest in both me and my favorite little brown-haired limpet to converge on the dish with the sound of tinkling bells as they broke out in excited giggles to each other.

Thank the powers that I still have my books with me, it took almost a full day of having them constantly trailing behind me before I finally found the entry about Pixies in ‘Magical menagerie and modern methods’ that listed their one true weakness.

Apparently they can survive on absolutely nothing but ambient magic like a lot of fae in general do, but for some odd reason they LOVE dew drops on vegetation?
It was first noted centuries ago when someone who’d set up a garden near a fairy circle noticed all the glowing lights hovering above his cabbages every morning but as time’s gone on it’s become apparent that it’s not just the natural morning ‘dew’ they love but all tiny water droplets in general.

Eris looked mildly put out that she’d been left so easily by her new little firefly friends but I shot Mum a thankful look and took this chance to stand up so we can get moving at last.
I’ll have to call the Hub in a minute obviously but I’m not going to chance saying anything to draw the Pixies attention back upon me at the moment.

I’m SO glad Mum’s handling all of this magic stuff so well too!
It was her idea to run some left over veg from the fridge under the cold tap when the dew in our real garden stopped being enough to distract the Pixies away from me and I’m honestly impressed with how well it seems to be working.
If they didn’t seem to get ‘bored’ of the ‘dew’ in general after a while I’d be tempted to just keep a load of dish’s out and be done with it at this point, sadly I’m not THAT lucky though..

I brought my hand up to my ear in the universal ‘phone’ gesture towards Mum and nodded silently to show her that I’d call Paul in a minute.
She nodded back with a gentle wave before turning her eyes back in fascination to the glowing little orbs flitting about on the dish instead.

Eris resisted for a few more seconds as she watched her new ‘friends’ having fun without her but after a long huff she turned to follow me as always.
We quickly made our way outside through the front-front door but even then I didn’t let myself relax until we were past Mum’s rock garden which yesterday had been the Pixies preferred location to sun themselves in the afternoon apparently.. that’s where they were hiding when they pounced on Eris at least according to John.

I found myself shivering a little as we stood in the shade of the nearest tree to our house.
I’ve gone simple and kind of sloppy today with a rather loose maroon tunic top that goes down to my knees, covering the top of a pair of dark leggings and pulled in slightly at my waist by a thin leather belt which is honestly there to hide the fact that my ‘invisible’ suppressor’s belt is already pulling in my waist suspiciously otherwise.

My eyes drifted down to follow Eris’s progress towards me and with a bit of chagrin I found myself dipping down slightly so I could scoop her up onto my hip when she got close enough to send me an almost pleading look that requested quite plainly to be carried again.

She looks adorable in her own tunic and leggings of course, as if she’d let us wear different clothes at all, although hers is colored in a more childish shade of light red that I’d be tempted to call a dark pink if I was feeling picky at the moment.

It’s really not good that I can’t seem to resist picking her up when she wants it but I have no idea how to stop myself sadly.

Sometimes she just LOOKS at me and I can’t help but want to cuddle her close.. it’s even worse when she finally does end up on my hip and I get some unreasonable thrill of joy when she settles her head above my heart!
I almost wish I had more access to my past-incarnation memories involving Eris sometimes just so I could work out the ‘why’ involved in some of the reactions I have to her at times, but then the reality that more memories would mean more problems rearing their ugly heads all over again corrects that silly idea pretty quickly.

My reincarnations are like one big vicious cycle I swear!
Damned if I don’t but damned if I do accept them all at the same time?!

“Mom, you gotta call Mister Pauly..”
Her voice made me jump a little in surprise but after a moment to gather myself back together again I offered her a weak smile in thanks before diving into my pocket with my free hand to get my phone out.
..I REALLY don’t want to be doing this..

Despite my misgivings my fingers slowly tapped away until I had the number up.
Even then I hesitated for a moment or two but there really isn’t anything to be done about it all, if I want to go out today then I’ve got to play by the ‘rules’.. however stupid they may seem at the moment..

“So-Com Ops Commander Paul Dulton”
In my experience it appears that my erstwhile ‘head of security’ is very much a man of few words.
Admittedly I’ve only spoken to him twice before, only once in person at that, but each time he’s introduced himself with his full title and name for some reason?

“Hi Pauly, today’s the big day! We’ve got a party of three leaving the compound including me so I guess you need to prepare or something?”
There was an almost worryingly long silence over the line.
I really don’t think he likes being called ‘Pauly’ but then I don’t like being treated like some precious artefact that needs to be shipped around under armed guard so I guess we’re even huh?
Finally I ran out of patience and continued on without his input anyway.
“Great talk Pauly, look forward to seeing you and the goon squad, bu-bye.”

Eris giggled to herself when I hung up on him.
Slowly I turned my head to fix her with a warning look but it kind of failed with the smirk tugging at my lips being so painfully obvious at that exact moment.

“Come on then giggler, we’ll go catch some sun on John’s car until Sarah gets her ass in gear shall we?”
I jostled Eris a little more making her giggle slightly harder for a second before easing forward and making my way across the street to the Martial’s driveway where John’s poor, virtually forgotten at this point, old car sat in a nice bright patch of sunlight.

It took a bit of work but eventually I ended up sitting on the sun warmed hood with my back resting on his windscreen and Eris tucked into my side as we both stared up at the clouds creeping their way across the sky far above us.

“..that one looks like a bunny..”
Eris shot me a confused look for a second so I pointed my finger up at the, to me, very ‘bunny’ looking cloud as it moved in to attack the poor unsuspecting cloud that looks like a campfire of some kind.

“It looks like a fish to me?”
The incredulous look on her face mixed with her complete disbelief set me off in a quick burst of laugher that seemed to actually confuse her even more somehow.

As the ‘bunny’ cut downwards and took a large chunk out of the campfire’s ‘flame’ I settled in a bit more so I could be comfortable while explaining the nuances of cloud watching to my poor little captive audience of one.

She’ll understand the difference between a bunny and a fish if it kills me!

======

“That’s a Pixie!”
I shot her a disbelieving look for a moment before following her finger and blinking in surprise.

.huh, turns out she was pointing at a plane flying across the sky?..
Admittedly it’s pretty far up and the sun’s glinting off of it enough that it kind of does look like some tiny speck of floating light so I guess I can’t blame her for that one really.. at least she’s getting the hang of this whole ‘using your imagination properly’ thing if nothing else, right?

“So it is.. Ah! That one over there looks like a big pair of boo-”
I cut myself off harshly and coughed in an attempt to hide it.
The last time I went cloud watching it was on this exact same old car’s hood with John, you can’t really blame me if a few old habit’s show themselves sometimes.
“It looks like two bowling balls!”

Please buy it, please buy it, please buy it?!

For a long moment Eris squinted up at the boo-BOWLING BALL looking clouds before turning her head back over to me with curiosity and confusion obvious on her little face.

“What’s a bowling ball?”
Huh?..
Oh! Uh, right?.. she grew up with traditionalist mages didn’t she?..

“It’s a ball you shove your fingers in and throw down a slippery path to knock over some wooden stumps at the far end.”

“.. sounds pretty stupid?..”
..well when you put it THAT way I guess?..

How do you explain bowling to someone who’s never-
Ah HA!
“It’s not stupid, come on I’ll show you.”

She grumbled to herself at having to get up but still followed me despite that fact.
I glared around our little dead-end street thoughtfully for a few seconds before moving out into the road and measuring up lengths in my head.

It’ll take a bit of improvisation but shouldn’t be too hard to pull off.

“Step back a bit Eris, I’ve just got to do a few things so we can play.”
She didn’t look any more convinced that this was in any way a good idea but she dutifully stepped back a few paces anyway.

..okay! Let’s get this started!..
I clapped my hands together and flexed my fingers a little as my magic jumped up, ready for action as always.

======

“STRIKE!”
Eris spun away from our improvised ‘bowling alley’ to give an adorable little dance on the spot in celebration that she may or may not have picked up from the me the first time I actually hit something.

“Well done! Give me a second to reset and we’ll go again, yeah?”
She shot me a bright grin before nodding in agreement.

With a dip into my lines and a flick of my wrist the conjured pin’s at the far end picked themselves up and reordered into the traditional triangle on the ground.
I’ve cast this little bit of slightly fancy telekinesis so many times in the last fifteen minutes it’s practically ingrained into my magical muscle-memory at this point!

A little bit of willpower and shaped casting later the frozen trail of our ‘alley’ solidified over again leaving behind the smooth edges of two raised gutter rails and a nice long slick surface for our conjured balls to roll down.
It’s all by no means perfect but it’s only temporary and ice is easier for me to make new shapes out of then anything else now so I’ll work with what I’ve got.

“Who’s winning?”
I couldn’t help but jump so hard I almost dropped my ball before frantically trying to catch it at the last second and spinning around to face Sarah.
..she came from bloody nowhere I swear?!..

“On second thought, don’t tell me.. she’s winning isn’t she?”
Much to my surprise Sarah eased over and rubbed her hand in Eris’s hair earning a giggle for her troubles.
I didn’t even get a chance to comment on the surprisingly warm interaction between the pair of them before a rumbling sound caught our attention and made us all turn to face up the road in surprise.

Continuing an apparent spate of annoyingly good timing, four large black jeeps came to a sharp stop in front of us, disgorging a full squad of gun touting men and women from the lead jeep who seemed to sweep the area for threats before finally standing down their guard to step back as the recognisable grey hair of Paul Dulton made himself known at last.

“Unit Alpha-Romeo reporting, ready to commence operations on your mark.”
I couldn’t help but shoot Sarah an exasperated look which she answered with a confused but mildly amused look just because she could.

“Give us a moment Pauly while I clear this away and we’re all yours for this little pantomime procession.”
Paul Dulton is obviously a tough, no-nonsense soldier at heart but I think even he winced slightly for a moment there.

A few seconds later it became obvious why when one of the men behind him snorted out a poorly suppressed laugh at his expense.
I glanced around us and noticed that more than a few of the gathered soldier’s in ‘casual’ SWAT uniform of black-on-black baggy fatigues were looking rather more amused than they probably should for some reason.

Rather than comment on the whole thing I offered them all a dry smirk before turning back to our bowling alley of ice and breaking it down.

The pin’s fell to non-existant dust easily enough, breaking down something you conjured isn’t exactly hard after all.
After a moment’s consideration I cast a basic ‘warming’ charm on the ice to make it melt almost instantly to water.

When I turned back around I found myself the unwitting focus of everyone as they stared at me with looks ranging from surprise to awe.
..I guess these guys don’t work with mages that often?..
Oh well, their problem not mine!

It barely took a thought to make my conjured bowling ball disappear like the pins before it but when I turned to Eris for her one she actually drew back slightly and hugged the stupid ball to her chest protectively.
For a long moment or two we stared at each other but in the end I caved before she would.

With a put-upon sigh I waved her closer and scooped her onto my hip with the ball awkwardly tucked between us.

I’ve really got to remember how possessive Eris can get with things I conjure for her?
The first time a dress I made for her disappeared she apparently cried over it until John finally managed to calm her down somehow for powers sake!

“Which of the four unreasonably large and completely unsubtle jeeps are we traveling in then herr-commander?”
Just for the fun of it I popped off a rather sarcastic mock-salute to Paul which got more than one wry smile from the troops behind him if nothing else.

Better they all get desensitised to my sense of humor now rather than have it come as some kind of surprise later on.. it helps that I’m still kinda annoyed at needing to even HAVE an armed escort just to go shopping now and he’s an easy target of authority to take aim at right now.

Looking at it logically, he should probably be thanking me honestly?
Mage’s and stress don’t mix well after all, with my magic being as unruly and responsive as it’s been lately it’s better I amuse myself now at his expense then try and suppress it until I pop again.

For all we know my magic might decide to turn all his troops into gerbils or the jeeps into sheep’s!
I barely trust my magic on a good day lately, let alone when I’m stressed and feeling resentful towards the people who are going to be my rather obtrusive ‘shadows’ for the foreseeable future.

“You will be in the third vehicle Ma’am.”
He didn’t break his tight stance or even quirk up a sarcastic eyebrow at me!
..I’m actually starting to like this guy..

“Lead on Mon Capitaine!”
Another round of hidden smirks went up from the troops but he just turned on his heel rather than letting me enjoy his reaction to march smartly back towards the second Jeep which is apparently going to be HIS ride at least.

I sent one more dry smirk around at the troops before marching forward as smoothly as possible when you consider that Eris was tucked into my side with her rather heavy new ‘toy’ clutched tightly between us.

“Come on Sare, if you don’t hurry we’ll leave without you or I’ll claim the whole back seat as mine.”
Sarah let of a squawk of annoyance and quickly jogged forward to catch up with us.

One of the troops, a woman about my height with her dark blonde hair tucked up under a rather uniform looking black cap, opened the door for me with a pleasant smile as I jostled Eris a little and shifted her around to get her in easier.

“Uppsi-Daisy”
She giggled and I tried to suppress my blush with willpower alone but the words had just kind of slipped out without a thought sadly.

When she’d finally landed on the seat and slid across to the far corner, bowling ball in tow, I let out a huff and pushed my now shoulder-length hair back out of my face before sliding in to join her.

A moment later Sarah practically bounced into the back seat next to me, her eyes alight with amusement and joy.
The door slammed shut behind her and the black-clad female soldier made her way around to the passenger seat without a second look at her, although that did nothing to stop the slowly forming grin on Sarah’s face.

“Did you just say ‘uppsi-daisy’?.. oh that’s just ADORABLE!..”
My blush went up another notch and I shuffled over in my seat to be a bit closer to Eris as an excuse to be a bit further from my now far too amused looking sister.

“..shut up Sare..”
Her grin turned sharp for a moment and she leaned even further into my personal space so I couldn’t avoid her eyes again.

“You’re a total ‘Mommy’ now, huh?”
I blanched hard, cutting my eyes away from her sharply as my blush spread to my ears at last.

“She’s always been a mommy?”
My eye’s landed on Eris’s confused little face and I found myself flinching again.

..really not helping sweetie..

======

“So are you gonna do something about your hair? It’s looking pretty sorry for itself at the moment..”

Finally! It only took us the drive from our house to the Running Y’s front gate before she’d finally stop grinning at me in annoyingly happy silence and move onto a new topic, even if it IS an almost equally awkward one.

“I told you before Sare, I’ve got to keep my hair this color until I’ve established myself or people might get suspicious?”

“Look around Han? Pretty sure you’re ‘established’ enough to walk around naked in clown makeup without people being fooled in the slightest at this point honestly?..”
One of the two Hub soldier’s in the front seats snorted heavily to themself, I’m pretty sure it was the woman in the passenger seat judging by the tone but either way it annoyed me to know they’d heard that exact statement thank-you-very-much.

From what I’ve seen over the years, soldiers are even worse gossips then mages, with a much greater inclination towards finding embarrassing situations hilarious too sadly!

..she’s kind of got a point though..
Yeah, much as I hate to say it, she PROBABLY has a point at the end of the day.

You can’t get much more ‘established’ then being a political super-power unto yourself with a full guard of Hub staff following your every move and a rather public ‘fight’ with the world-wide recognised ‘Queen of the Fae’ after all.
Mixing up my look once in a while will only muddy the waters even more for anyone trying to hunt me down anyway so it can’t exactly hurt.. right?

“What are you thinking then?”

Sarah smirked and glanced over my hair thoughtfully for a second before answering.
“Change the color to something that isn’t stupid, grow it out a bit and we’ll drop into a salon to get it styled properly.”

After a long pause to digest that idea I reluctantly nodded to her and dipped into my lines quickly.

Better I do it now before we’re quite out of range from the magical haze that saturates our neighbourhood now then trying to do it in town and calling every powers-damned husband of mine within a hundred mile radius right to our door at least!

It took a bit more focus then I would have liked to drop into my lines and cast the modified ‘hair color’ version of the old ‘perfect hair’ spell again but that was mostly because I felt a bit distracted for some reason.
My magic itself has been almost calm in the last few hours, a big change from the unstable thrashing mess it’s been lately if nothing else, but now it’s bouncing around like an overeager puppy begging to be used.

I brought my hand up and ran it along my hair to cast the spell.
For a moment my head felt warm but slowly it cooled back to normal at last so I shot Sarah a curious look.

She turned her head slightly for a moment before slowly nodding in response.
I turned to Eris and received an almost amused look in return.

“Red suits you”
My eye twitched a little and I reached up to bring a hand full of hair up into eye range while already suspecting what I’d find.

It wasn’t quite as bad as I was expecting, more a deep auburn with a few brighter highlights mixed in than anything else.. it was certainly better than the obnoxious blue I’ve had to put up with lately at least.

..now just to do the rest?..
I dipped into my lines again and despite my reservations I cast the OTHER hair charm I developed out of that initial wild magic surge laden mistake so many weeks ago.

With a sweep of my hand it was done.
After a long pause my hair grew hot again and a few seconds later it started growing around me to trail down my back in thick waves until it came to a stop somewhere around my waist.

I couldn’t help but let out a rather put upon sigh as I brushed thick curls away from my face so I could glare at Sarah when she sniggered to herself instead of just bloody HELPING me!
..it’s only been a few days but I’d already forgotten how much of a PAIN long hair can be..

“Turn around Han, I’ll braid it as best I can and we’ll drop into the Salon on Main Street for a quick cut as soon as we get there, okay?”
I allowed myself one last heavy sigh before following her command by twisting my body around to face Eris’s smirking face and giving Sarah free reign on my now far too long again hair.

Why do I get the feeling Eris is enjoying me suddenly being a ‘ginger’ a bit too much for all our sakes?..
My warning look at her only received an innocent look in return but I’m not dumb enough to fall for that one again at this point sadly.

======

“So.. what’s going on with you and John, huh?”
My head twitched automatically to turn and glare at her but that idea ended pretty damn quickly when all I got for my troubles was a sharp pain of pulled hair across most of my head.

“What?! There’s nothing going on with-”

“They’re dating again”
My eyebrows shot up in offended surprise as I fixed my attention back onto Eris’s now smugly grinning little face.

“Really?”
No! Not bloody REALLY Sarah?!

“Uh huh, I can tell.. they both keep giving each other these silly little looks when they think no-one’s watching like always and Mom’s magic feels all giggly when he’s around.”
Wha?.. Puh!..
I!..well-

“..oh realllyyy?..”
Wipe that smirk of your face Sarah!
I can feel the damn thing from here without even looking at you!

“They kissed at the Bazaar and since then Mom’s constantly wrapping us up in his magic too.. it’s kind of romantic really but still a bit naughty to do when other people can see them, huh Aunty Sarah?”
TRAITOR!

How does she even know about that?!
She was A-bloody-SLEEP when I wrapped us up in John’s magic for Powers sake!

“Eris sweetie, remember what we said after the project baby brother conversation?.. time to stop talking now..”
Shut up you little brat!

“Project baby brother?”
DAMN IT!!

“It’s a long story that basically boils down to the fact that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about Sare so don’t even start with-”

“I do SO know what I’m talking about!”
My eyes cut back over to Eris and while I’m sure in any other situation her puffed up little cheeks would be adorable, at this exact moment all they did was make me want to cringe very.. VERY hard..
..this isn’t gonna be good..
“You said back at Lou-Lou’s that Dad’s magic makes you all tingly when he’s happy and you love it when he smiles at you because it shows how much you love each other an-”

I finally managed to get my hand over her mouth to stem the tide of embarrassing words spilling out of it at last, much to my relief as a hot blush burned across my cheeks that could probably light up the night sky in response to them.

Damn mages and their long memories!
That was bloody CENTURIES ago!

Hell, it was any number of INCARNATIONS ago for Powers sake?!
I can’t be held responsible for the things my past incarnations might have said.
That’s not bloody FAIR!

..it’s kinda true though?..
Oh shut UP brain! Nobody asked you!

Eris did NOT look happy at being stopped obviously but a stern look from me seemed to go a long way towards finally getting through to her that this is NOT the sort of conversation I want to be having right now, let alone one that she needs to be ‘helping’ me with.

“We’re not dating, end of story”
Sarah actually let go of my hair at that declaration and I found myself being swiftly turned away from Eris’s now disbelieving little stare into an almost identical one on offer from my DEAR sister.

After a long awkward pause where it became pretty obvious from their silence alone that they didn’t believe me in the slightest I let off one last sigh and sunk my head down in defeat.
..damn nosy family..

What’s the point in trying to tell them the truth when they just plain ignore it on a whim anyway?!
John and me.. we are at BEST ‘Man-besties’.. depending on his mood and just how willing I am to put up with his crap at the time I’d even go so far as to question our friendship sometimes!

..he was there for me though..
He’s always so WARM and nice to me, and he listens when I need him to and he’s got a pretty cute smile when he isn’t busy smirking like an asshole or grinning like a Psyco a..an..
DAMN IT!

Shut up brain, he’s my man-besty, simple as that so THERE!

“You have possibly THE most adorable reactions to being teased.. you know that, right Han?”
YOU can keep quite too Sarah!
This isn’t funny and we both know you were being entirely TOO serious about this whole thing for it to be called ‘teasing’ in any sense of the word!

“So how are things with you and Tor anyways? You banging each other’s brains out every few hours yet?.. would certainly explain a few things if you were..”

“WHAT?!”
A smirk formed on my lips but I didn’t lift my head up to enjoy the probably horrified look on her face despite desperately wanting to at first.
Two can play this game dear sister!

Now for some way to stop Eris from speaking too mu-

“What’s ‘banging each other’s brains out’ mean?.. sounds painful..”
Ah.. crap..

Sarah burst out in a fit of laughter that was possibly just a little unhinged but it was hard to tell really because it blended so well with the snorts and chuckles coming from the front seats as well.
..I totally walked into that one, didn’t I?..

“Uh.. Eris.. sweetie, it means.. um.. it’s like playing together with drums! Yeah!”
Please buy it, please buy it, please buy it!

“Oh.. I like drums! If you conjure me a set do you think anyone will want to bang my brains out too?”
Ah.. just.. j-just.. SHIT!

“Not that kind of drums sweetie. These are adult drums, only adults get to play them.”

“That’s not FAIR! Aunty Sarah gets to play with them and I’m WAY older then she is by like a BILLION incarnations!”
THAT’S NOT THE POINT YOU LITTLE-

DAMN IT!
I’m in hell?.. this is literally my divine punishment for every time I played the part of the precocious, well-meaning but completely tactless little angel as a child, isn’t it?!

This is my punishment for back when I was four and I told Mum’s boss that she might have an overactive-thyroid problem because I’d just finished reading about the symptoms in Medical America.
Between her complaints of tiredness, feeling too hot and her having such a worrying amount of double chin’s, despite her generally slim build, it seemed the most likely culprit.. I was really worried for her health at the time but apparently that’s NOT the thing you say to a woman who’s just had extensive liposuction!

Mum can NEVER find out about this.. she’d have a field day!
She had to put up with ME as a worryingly smart child, the irony would just be too much for her to handle I think.

“How about this sweetie.. when we get home I’ll conjure you a full drum kit, all for yourself, as long as you NEVER bring up the ‘brain banging’ thing ever again.. okay?”
Eris’s little face scrunched up thoughtfully for a painfully long time before she finally seemed to work something out because her eyes lit up with understanding of some sort.

“This is like the B.D.S.M thing, isn’t it?”

YES!.. I mean, NO!
No, it isn’t at all like that because I made it SO much worse by trying to cover up my mistake damn it!

“Daddy promised he’d get me a kitty if I stopped asking about B.D.S.M last time and then we got Mau, so I guess it’s okay, huh?”

John. promised. her. WHAT?! I’m gonna KILL him!
That no good son-of-a-!

“Yes.. sweetie.. it’s like the BDSM thing, so let’s never talk about it again, okay?”
As I watched her, with a slightly twitching eye that was the only visible sign I would allow myself of just how annoyed at John I was feeling right about now, she almost nodded along in agreement before pausing at the last second with devious little smirk on her face.

“Can we go swimming tomorrow too Mommy?”
DAMN IT!

“Yes, fine, whatever.. just no more BDSM and banging talk or else swimming’s cancelled and Mau’s going to live with the pet shop owner again.”
Finally, now that’s over with we can-
..oh, Powers damn it!..

“Shhh, shh, shh.. it’s okay sweetie I was only joking!”

It took a bit of frantic movement but I managed to get her belt undone and shift her into my lap while dropping her now seemingly forgotten bowling ball to the side so I could encompasses her in a great big hug as tears trailed down her little face.
A glance over at Sarah’s slightly stunned expression proved that I’d have no help coming from that quarter at least.. can this drive get any worse at this point?!

“Mau..”
I almost didn’t have to look to know what was happening when our resident ‘creature of the mists’ feline menace decided to crawl his way out from the shadows under the front passenger seat, obviously summoned by us invoking his name so many times no doubt.
..I had to say it didn’t I?..

“Mau?”
No I didn’t ‘call’ you stupid little fur-ball!
Can’t you see I’m kinda busy here sorting ou- HEY! Oww! That’s my boob you little-

“It’s Mau! Where have you BEEN?!”
Using my now sore breast as a launch off point, Eris ended up laying awkwardly in the cramped footwell of the backseats with ‘Mau’ clutched tightly in her arms as if he’d disappear at any moment.

Considering he most likely GOT here by shadow warping under the seat, that’s probably not quite as stupid an idea as it would first seem, but I’m not feeling charitable enough to give her the benefit of the doubt at this point..

I sunk my head back against the seat’s headrest and closed my eyes tight to stave off an already throbbing headache.

After a few seconds of silence, punctuated by Eris’s baby-talk towards ‘her’ pet and the cat’s warbling little ‘meows’ that were starting to get on my nerves by just how damned understandable they seemed to be, despite apparently only consisting of that one single sound repeated over and over again, Sarah seemed to jolt back into reality.
She lasted possibly a second or so more in silence before practically bursting out in a fit of laughter that made the whole backseat shake annoyingly as her arms curled into her stomach from the overwhelming force of her amusement.

For once in our lives this was one time Sarah would laugh alone and I was NOT going to join her in it automatically out of sibling loyalty or whatever the reason it is behind our usual synchronised sense of humor!

Why is this journey taking so bloody long?!
Maybe we should just cancel the trip and I’ll order some stuff online instead!

====

“Alpha-Two this is Alpha-Three we are ready to disembark on your mark.”

For a long moment I considered just line-of-sight warping outside the car considering I’m kind of trapped with Sarah on one side looking entirely too amused still to be in a rush and Eris taking up all the foot space between me and the other door which also happens to have the female soldier standing guard in front of it as if she’d already worked out where my thoughts were going at this point.

“Clear Alpha-Three, One and Four are in position. Mother-goose is ready to go.”
..EXCUSE ME?!..

I don’t speak soldier Jargon but considering we’re in the third car and that’s definitely Paul’s voice coming in over the radio I don’t think it’s much of a big step to assume that I’M this so called ‘Mother-goose’.

“You have five seconds to come up with a new call-sign for me or I’m going to turn half of Main Street into an ice-skating ring soldier!”

To my surprise the driver who’d been talking into the radio actually seemed to listen to me on that one?
Judging by just how quickly he fumbled with his handset to hit the ‘Speak’ button I think he actually took me seriously too!

“Alpha-Two, client has requested new designation under threat of a stage three magical exposure event.. please advise?..”
He sounded so nervous I almost felt sorry for him for a second but then I gathered up my sanity and reminded myself that THEY are the ones calling ME ‘Mother-bloody-GOOSE’!

“Alpha-Three, request accepted. All teams be advised Mother-goose will now be reassigned as ‘Princess’ until further notice, Alpha-Two out.”

REALLY not the time to be testing my patience Pauly!
It’s not cute and it’s not clever so just.. just..

..what’s the use?..
I give up!

Today’s going to be a complete write-off at this point, I can tell.
Better to just go along with it all until I can get home and sulk in peace for a bit.

“Time to get up Eris”
She huffed to herself but after juggling Mau in her arms a little uncertainly he decided to hop off of her instead, landing in my lap just because he could no doubt.

Her little legging-covered butt hit the backseat again as she shot Mau a betrayed look which happens to make a bit more sense when you consider that John apparently told her that he’d be HER cat, I suppose?
Before I could really comment on that look, either positively or negatively, the door next to her opened and the female soldier waved for us both to step out at last.

In the end I settled for giving Eris a light push forward that she reluctantly followed by slipping out of the Jeep, with me following behind her pretty quickly so I could stretch my legs at last.
The sound of a door opening behind me with an accompanying huff from Sarah probably means she got out too and she may have felt a little offended that no-one decided to open her door for her.

Guess that’s what you get for laughing at me Sare?
Apparently I’m the nominated ‘Princess’ now so I get the royal treatment by my army of unwanted bodyguards and you get to open your own door like a normal person, so HA!

Without thinking I tried to crack my back when I finally stretched up out of the car properly but that didn’t do much more then make me thrust out my chest in a way that caught more than a few of my ‘guards’ attention for less than savory reasons, naturally.
..never thought I’d find a reason to miss not having my magic..

“What’s the plan then? Most of the good stores are off of Main Street but the Salon’s up the road a bit so..”

“Salon first Han, then clothes or whatever, even my hairdressing skills aren’t QUITE up to handling the mass you’re currently sporting sadly.”
..smart-ass..

Instead of answering I just settled for a nod as I bent down to scoop Eris up onto my hip again.
She shot a look around us uncertainly as if she wasn’t quite sure she wanted be carried in such a public place but that didn’t last very long in all honesty because eventually her head bobbed down to rest just above my heart as always.

The ‘Honor Guard’ of four rather intimidatingly large men from the front Jeep moulded around us in a loose formation, their baggy black clothing doing a pretty poor job of concealing their guns..
Five of them of various sizes each by my estimation and at least two knifes strapped to their backs too!
It’s a little overkill in my opinion, but then having a guard in the first place is more than a LITTLE bit overkill to start with so I guess what do I know, huh?

We moved across the street as a surprisingly smooth unit.
For a moment I almost forgot they were there and started to enjoy myself in the mid-day sun but then we reached the front of the Salon where the troopers waved us back so they could essentially ‘breech and clear’ the doorway to make sure there was no-one hiding in wait for us behind the big clear glass windows..
..people are stupid sometimes..

Rather than wait for their little war game’s scenario to run its course I ended up pushing my way past them and stepping inside with an awkward, slightly apologetic smile on my face for the unsurprisingly worried staff and patrons.

“Sorry about this everybody. New bodyguards, you know how it is, takes a while to make them realise that just because a place looks obviously NOT a trap that doesn’t mean that it DEFINITELY is one.”
I only got one rather startled sounding laugh for my troubles but that’s honestly better than I was expecting sadly.

One of the four Honor Guard members twitched as if he was going to step further into the room but I’d had enough at this point.
I turned sharply around and gave a push to his chest, subtly aided by a tiny burst of magic naturally, sending him stumbling back outside again to join his friends.

“No men past this point boys, so sorry. Next one of you that comes barging in for no reason before I’m done is getting jumped for a free makeover on me, tell that to Pauly too, I’m sure he’d look just LOVELY with a blue-rinse perm!”
My piece said I yanked Sarah inside and slammed the door in their faces.. which I’ll admit had a bit less impact because of the whole ‘glass’ fronted door thing they had going on.

“Way to go Mom”
Eris sounded almost unreasonably impressed with her awe filled tone of voice.

Before I even had a chance to glance down at her someone behind us started clapping lightly which quickly built into an uproar of sorts as others joined in.
I turned slowly around and came face to face with several now rather amused women in various states of being.. hairdressed?.. I guess..

As always when confronted with a mildly embarrassing situation that I can’t easily get out of with magic I did the smart thing and blushed brightly all the way up to my now just as red roots.

“Sarah Cooper, is that you?”
I stiffened slightly as an older looking woman I’d assume to be somewhere in her early sixties, although if I’m right then she looks good for her age, moved her way towards us in a rather impressive looking suit that was only marginally countered by the bright purple hair bonnet she was sporting above it.

“It IS you, my how you’ve grown.. so this must be little Ari we’ve been hearing so much about?”
Her attention swung around to me at that point obviously and I couldn’t help but cringe a little.
Not only does she seem inordinately interested in me from the look of it but so does everyone else now AND she called me bloody ‘Ari’ which is a very bad thing for that whole ‘cover story’ idea we’re running with.

“Oh sorry dear, it’s Hannah now, isn’t it?.. names are so important at that age, aren’t they?”
She sent a warm smile at a few of the seated women who mirrored it back at her before turning to Sarah with a knowing look that seemed to actually amuse my sister a fair bit if I’m still a good judge of her facial expressions in general.
Either way, I REALLY don’t like being mocked so blatantly thank-you-very-much!

“We call her ‘Princess’ now, the guards seem to like it and it fits her surprisingly well honestly.”
I will HURT you Sarah if you keep this up I SWEAR it!

My head turned ever so slightly so that I could shot her a look that was at once disapproving and apologetic.
I got my hit in on her back at the Jeep and now she’s retaliated so it’s time for us to stop playing and focus on the worryingly attentive, suspiciously intelligent looking old woman before us instead.

“Oh my, well that WOULD be appropriate wouldn’t it?”
For just a moment the woman shot me an assessing look that was almost cold in its intensity before it faded seamlessly back into her more benign ‘innocent little old lady’ smile with precision that could only come from years of experience.

All at once an idea hit me and I honestly felt a little nauseous at the thought of it-
..oh powers there’s two of them!..
-so THIS is what Edith would be like if she wasn’t a mage, had any sort of fashion sense and aimed her evil little yoda mind towards social engineering on a large scale instead of just generating pure profit!

Almost automatically I turned my body slightly away from her to better protect Eris in some way.
No wonder she’s been so quiet since we got in here, she didn’t exactly enjoy meeting the real Edith after all and she’s usually a pretty good judge of character in general for her age.

“Congratulations Hannah dear, do tell your Mother that she simply MUST join us for the community supper on Tuesday won’t you?.. to think that Susan could go so long without properly introducing you to us all..”
..what?..
“I’m sure you’ll join us for the Ball in December of course? Your sister is past due for her outing as it is but you’ll need a proper showing before your nuptials obviously.”

..NUPTIALS?!..

“uh.. ball?..”
My eye’s cut down to Eris almost instinctively but I jerked them back up a second later feeling immensely stupid for my troubles.
Get your head in gear Hannah and stop thinking about that stupid bowling ball we left back in the Jeep!

“Yes dear, the debutante ball of course? It’s being hosted by the Yacht Club this year as part of their mid-winter regatta. I’m sure you’ll get along marvellously with everyone and we have quite a few junior debutantes this year so you’ll be in good company.”
..Debu-WHAT?!..

She reached out and patted my hand in something approaching a reassuring way, the kind of subtle movement that I’d always imagined a grandmother would give but could never actually imagine Gran doing in the slightest now.

“Don’t worry dear, you can bring your new beau Maxarimus of course. I’m sure everyone will be rather pleased to meet this mysterious Prince of yours after all..”
For a single long moment there was an almost predatory gleam in her eyes again but she hid it quickly behind that same overly-happy persona she’s been using since we turned up.
I blinked in surprise and tilted my head slightly as if that would somehow make her words less nonsensical.

After a few seconds where, if anything, they just seemed to get worse in my head I let out an almost silent sigh and nodded to her in the vain hope of just ending this whole conversation while I can.

Damn it John! Just what EXACTLY have you been TELLING people?!
I KNEW it was a bad idea to let him out of my sight this morning!

To add insult to injury Sarah sidled almost silently up to me and turned her head just enough to hide her smirk before whispering a question that was pitched so low even I strained to hear it with my mage hearing, although her amusement was almost palpable despite that.

“So.. not dating huh?..”

Shut UP Sarah!
This is neither the time nor the place for more games damn it.
..what the HELL is going on?..

Just WAIT until I get my hand on John, I’m gonna KILL him!