The Pastor

By Asche

Copyright 2015

Chapter 7 -- The Heart's Reasons

When the pastor woke up, he had no clearer idea of what to do about Jesse. It was peaceful, lying next to Mary, and when he'd get up, he'd have to face his responsibilities -- preparing for Sunday's church service, the questions of his staff and his flock. He had a bit of a notion to ask Mary what she thought, but a part of him was reluctant, too. For one thing, pastoral business was confidential, and it wasn't for him to gossip about what he heard, even if it seemed like everybody knew all about this one. For another, well, Mary was a woman, and discerning the word of the Lord was really men's business.

"Penny for your thoughts, Warren. You seem -- more thoughtful than usual."

He sighed. "I could never put one past you, could I? Yes, I'm troubled. The word of the Lord is telling me one thing, but my heart is telling me something different. Usually, when that happens, my heart is telling me to go the easy way, and the Lord is telling me to take the harder way. But this time, it's the other way around."

"You know I don't know the Bible the way you do, but I do know your heart as much as anyone on this Earth, and I'd trust your heart anywhere."

"Even if it might cause trouble for you? Even if people might disapprove? Even if I lost my -- my pastorate?"

She sighed. "It might be hard. But -- when I married you, I promised to trust you and stay with you in good times and bad. And even if we suffer, it's better to suffer for doing the right thing than to live a life of ease by doing the wrong thing. And Warren?"

"Yes?"

"I know it's not my place to pry, but -- I think you'll find that more people in the church will trust you than you think. You've always acted out of love, and people respond to that."

Warren always had a suspicion that Mary knew more about what went on in his work world than she let on, and never more so than now. Sometimes in rankled, but not this time. He couldn't figure out why, though. And hearing how she trusted him made him feel better. He could feel that he wasn't alone in this.

That immediately made him think: how is it for Jesse? How alone does he -- or is it she? -- feel? WWJD -- what would Jesus do? Well, what would he do?

He spent the morning alternately dealing with all the little things that come up and wracking his brain for an approach to Sunday's sermon. He usually tried in his Fourth Advent sermon to tell about the imminent arrival of The Savior in a way that made it seem like it was happening this year right here in little Hopewell Alabama. But nothing would come. WWJD. That silly cliche kept popping into his mind.

Finally, in the middle of the afternoon, it felt like he couldn't stand it and he dialed the number. It wasn't until he'd finished that he realized it was Ms. Taylor's number he'd called. He hadn't realized he knew it.

"Hello?" said a child's voice.

"Jesse? This is Reverend Hanley. Is your momma home?"

"She's at work. Can I have her call you?"

"If it's not too much trouble."

"Oh, no. I'm sure she'd be happy to call you. But she gets home kind of late. Around nine or ten."

"That's fine, let me give you my home number. Or she can call me tomorrow at the church, if that's better for her. Or whenever is good for her."

"Let me get a pencil and paper." The pastor dictated the number and Jesse read it back. He was impressed by how responsible and well-mannered Jesse was, and the idea that the Lord might have in mind for him any sort of punishment, let alone Hellfire, seemed too horrible to imagine.

When he was done, the Pastor thanked Jesse. "Oh, it was no trouble," said Jesse. "It was a pleasure. And I know my momma will be happy to talk to you."

The pastor had thought that he'd be able to concentrate better now that he'd taken a step towards -- towards something he wasn't quite ready to admit to himself. But instead, he felt on edge. After the third unsuccessful attempt to focus on Sunday's sermon, he realized that his and Ms. Taylor's positions had reversed. At first, it was she who was seeking his approval and support. But now, it seemed like it was he that was seeking her blessing for something he didn't quite want to think about too clearly.

That evening, when he got home, he warned Mary there might be a call late that evening. "A parishioner," was all he said.

"Is it anything to do with what's been worrying you?" she asked tentatively. He just nodded.

At dinner, he kept losing track of what Mary and his children were saying. When he had to ask Bonnie, his seven-year-old, for the second time to repeat what she'd said about their class Christmas party the next day, she said, "Daddy, aren't you even listening to me?" It suddenly struck him that Jesse was the same age as Bonnie.

That evening, he read Bonnie a bedtime story. It wasn't exactly the sort of thing you'd think a preacher would read, as it was about mice and rats and chipmunks fighting for freedom from the tyranny of the cats, but it took his mind off of everything else and got him to put all his attention on his daughter.

It was about 10:30, as they were just getting Jeff into bed, that Ms. Taylor called.

"Reverend Hanley, Jesse told me you'd asked if I might call you. I hope it's not too late, I was working at the Walmart until after 9 and then Jesse had made a wonderful dinner for us."

"No, it's not too late, and I'm much obliged that you were so kind as to call me back. I know you have a lot on your plate, what with working and providing for your -- child."

"Oh, it was no trouble. But I must say, I'm a little mystified as to what you might be calling about. I hope there's nothing wrong."

"No, nothing. It's just that -- well, I've been ponderin' a lot about Jesse and -- how can I say this? Sometimes I think the Lord puts things -- well, people too -- that -- well, sometimes we're forced to realize that all our wisdom is nothing in the face of the Lord's glory. And being as Jesse is one of the Lord's children and creations, I thought I'd like to meet Jesse. Well, actually, to meet Jessica. If that's not too much of an inconvenience for you all."

He heard a sharp intake of breath. "Jessica?"

"Yes, Jessica. The girl that Jesse believes he -- she -- really is. I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable with it. And I'm not asking you as your pastor. You know, your shepherd. I'm just asking as one sinner to another -- well, I'm not saying you're a sinner, but you know. It might just ease my mind, that's all."

She was silent for a few minutes. "I -- I don't quite know what to say. May I think about it for a bit? I'd have to talk to Jesse about it, too."

"Take whatever time you want. And if you don't feel right about it, I'll understand. But -- if you do decide to, might I ask if my wife Mary could come along? I haven't talked with her about Jesse, as you haven't said it was okay, but she's got a mother's touch and I'd feel better knowing she was beside me. But I understand you can't answer right away. And whatever you decide, I appreciate your talking with me."

"I'd like to say yes, that is, if Jesse doesn't mind, but I'm afraid. You know, some people have said some mighty unkind things to him. And he's so easily hurt. I mean, I don't really think you'd want to hurt him, but -- as a mother, I want to protect him. I want to make sure he comes to no harm."

"I assure you, Ma'am, I don't intend to say anything unkind. And if Mary is along, I know she won't let me say anything even unintentionally unkind. I just want to get to know Jessica. I want to let her know that I, at least, think it's just fine for her to be Jessica." The pastor hadn't intended to go that far, especially before even meeting the girl inside Jesse -- well, the girl Jesse thought was inside him -- but the talk of people being unkind -- and he could well imagine what sorts of things Ms. Taylor was talking about -- pushed him to reassure her.

"May I talk to Jesse tomorrow morning and let you know before I go to work?"

"That's fine. I'll be in the office by 9:00 or so, but if you have to go to work before then, please feel free to call me at home."