I'm absolutely, positively in shock!! I just got my renewal package for my health insurance. I am, for medical reasons, retired from the University of California.

This year, (drum roll please) the University has included Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS/SRS). The very last hurdle for me to go forward with it has been removed.

Now all I have to do is make up my mind (okay, it's already made up, but...) to do IT.

(sigh)

Blessings,
Beth

My grief lies all within, and these external manners of lament are merely shadow to the unseen grief that swells with silence in the tortured soul. ~ William Shakespeare

I would like to remind ALL readers here of the 2011 Transgender Day of Remembrance, November 20, 2011.

I know it's more than a month away, and I will probably submit this again next month, BUT, if you haven't visited the Day of Remembrance website, http://www.transgenderdor.org, I would encourage you to do so.

Why is this so important? Because trans people are in greater danger of being killed.

I spoke with Holly today. She's running marathons in the hospital (well, walking around the nurse's station). She is in good spirits. The doctors were able to remove the tumor with much less damage than anticipated to the pancreatic duct that joins with the bile duct. It appears her outlook is good (I'd be tempted to say Great!).
`
Holly is down to one IV. She is also on the PCA (personally controlled analgesic), but seems to be keeping ahead of the pain.
`

I've just spoken with Shelly. Holly is out of surgery. The doctors do not think the tumor has metastaticized.

It's been a tough 4 or 5 years. Let's see, I told my kids I was transsexual, my church refused to renew my pastor's license, One of my children informed me in no uncertain terms that he wished I HAD killed my self about 3 or 4 years ago. And, it grieves me so but I have to admit, if only to myself (Okay, and all of you!!) that my marriage was shattered years ago, what little is left has been held together my my love, my unwillingness to give up, and a barrel of superglue.

I am getting a new gender therapist. Does anybody have any experience with a Dr. David Van Zak?

He's in the Los Angeles area.

Thanks,
Beth

I blithely expected my kids to be accepting when I told them I was transgendered; after all, I'd modeled acceptance to them all their lives. So telling them would be a piece of cake! Right??

Wrong

My oldest told my wife the only reason he didn't yell at me when I told him was because we were traveling down the freeway at 75 MPH in a driving rain and I was practically comatose huddled against the door.

My middle son said nothing. Of course that means little since he normally says almost nothing.

Thanksgiving?

Why?

We had Thanksgiving at MY house today. 13 or 14 people around the house, chatting, eating, playing with my son's new baby.

All of them smiling, happy.

I asked what we had to be thankful for. The Grand baby, my son's job, the weight I've lost this year (120 pounds, more or less, thank you very much!), the food, everyone was happy on the outside.

Except me.

My family barely tolerates me, though God Forbid they should show it in public. My son says I'm "disgusting. My oldest commands, "don't embarrass us."

Is there an issue with the Chatroom, I can't get in :(

Thanks,

Beth

Hi all,

It's been some time since I let you know what is happening with the doctors.

The had amputated the left leg. Your prayers are MOST Gratefully accepted. Appart from a urinary tract infection every thing went great! The has been some phantom pain which is anything but phantom. I am grateful.

On another front, Miss Cabot let me know some may not know the following: I have to preach the funeral of my brother who died at 44. If you think of it and are inclined that way please remember his two sons. The service is October 17.

I'd like to thank those of you who've prayed for me or the past 3 weeks. I have recovered as well as to be expected. Thank you.
`
AND
`
I believe strongly in the power of prayer. And I have a prayer request for you all. My youngest brother, Jeff, is in the hospital. His kidneys have ceased functioning. He has a perforated intestine.

They are trying to match up a life flight with a hospital near that can handle his condition.

Thank you for whatever prayers you might have for Jeff.

Beth

Some of you know, I damaged my ankles playing football, in a vain attempt to please my father. It took years to manifest it'self, but in the past 4 years I've had 16 operations trying to salvage the ankle, so it would work.

It's been 6 monrhs since it became abundantly clear I would lose the leg to just below the knee. Doctors, insurance companies, etc. have had me hanging and waiting

It just isn't fair!

When is "Mommy's Day" ?? Any woman (genetic) can be a "Mother." But it takes someone special to be a mommy. In my household, my wife is the "mother," but readily admits that I have been the "Mommy."

You know, like, you know.

WherEVER did we come up with THAT to fill in the gaps in conversation.

Sorry, got off topic and I haven't even started.

It seems that the roller coaster keeps on coasting. Last week I was in the pits, then the electrolysis, which was a tremendous boost, then today.

If you haven't read the story Broken Glass by Jenna Hitch and Shalimar you simply must. It is, without a doubt, the most spiritually moving story I've ever read on a TG story site.

For me, it is even more moving, for my wife, my children, and I would have followed the Blau's to become dust in the wind...