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Why is it that some people feel that telling someone that is over weight they look to have lost some when they have no idea if they have is a complement? (okay reading that sentence lost even me, I'm probably doing something grammatically incorrect.)
I went to see my psychiatrist today for my standard 2.4 minute visit (after waiting an hour and a half), and after enduring the usual platitudes of how I'm his 'friend' and he is so pleased with my progress he trots out this line of 'oh, you look like you have lost some weight'. No in fact I have gained ten pounds since seeing you last and I'm wearing a tight shirt that makes me look even worse. There is no way he could actually have thought I lost weight. I doubt he would even remember what race I am since the last visit. But for some reason some people feel like this is an exceptable complement to give a large person to show how much they like you. I have had several people do this in the past (mostly doctors for some strange reason) and I still don't get it.
Ah well, I guess I can just put it down to a lousy doctor. At least my primary care physician is a good guy. He actually notices what I look like and will yell at me to lose some weight when I go see him. Ah, the things that show you care. :P
Comments
Ann Landers dealt with that same issue...
...quite a few years ago. One letter writer wrote that to compliment one's weight is a backhanded compliment--it implies that the person was a fat pig before. I limit my compliments to a general "You look great! What have you done?" That way, they can tell me they've lost weight if they choose to.
Livin' A Ragtime Life,
Rachel
Yeah...
Best is, no matter what size the person, never EVER mention weight. Especially girls. We're constantly thinking we need to either gain some or lose some and saying anything at all is likely to be construed entirely opposite to how you think you meant it. If you even meant anything at all and weren't just fishing for something to try to sound "nice".
If you're just fishing for a way to sound "nice", something like what you said, "You look great!" is exactly what the doctor ordered. Unless you're dealing with a completely pessimistic individual who'll find ways to make anything positive get a negative spin.
Abigail Drew.
Here's my theory
My family does this all the time. I think in their minds I'm bigger than I really am. When they see me, I'm smaller than their image, so they think I lost weight. It's just psychological.
Wren
LOL, Yeah now that I think of
LOL, Yeah now that I think of it that's probably a good reason for why my grandmother does it, her memory is a little poor lately.
You know now that I think about it a different psychiatrist I went too used to do the same thing as the current one. none of the psychologists I have seen in my life ever did it though. There is probably a joke about the differences between the two of them in there somewhere.
Well...
In my experience, admittedly limited that it is, I don't find that I trust psychiatrists to know how to do their job very well. They've learned to depend too heavily on "medicate medicate medicate!" and have forgotten, or perhaps never even really bothered to learn, how to interact fully with a patient.
To a psychiatrist, you're just your condition and the medication they're prescribing.
To a psychologist, you're an individual with your own personal difficulties that may or may not truly even be an "illness" and what you need is a good friend who also knows how the mind functions and to help guide you to more positive ways of thinking.
As a personal rule I steer clear of the former...
Abigail Drew.
There might another reason for this
It could be that your doctor just can't be bothered to actually concentrate on having a decent conversation. He is just taking the 'cheap' way out when talking to you and using number 23 on the list of conversation topics. He might not be a bad doctor, just slightly lazy.
Just takin a chance here.
Well, I spent a lot of my life under 140. Then it went to 150 and after my divorce up to 210. For me, I knew that I wanted to be the best woman I could, so fought my weight back down to 168, but then it gradually went back up to over 184 and now is back down to 179. I still want to be the best woman I can. it is the center of my life.
I have to say that most women I meet are shorter than me. All of them that I meet have feet smaller than my 10 1/2 feet. My hands are bigger than... You know the show...
Keeping your weight down as low as you can is a big part of the picture. More important is your deportment, carriage, the way you talk. It does not even have to be all about pitch.
So, you all decide. Why would you go to the trouble of completely trashing your life, losing all your friends and all that if you were not going to try as hard as you can to be the woman you say you are?
I was married
I KNOW better than to say that your pants, dress, whatever makes your butt look big...I DON'T like having pain inflicted on me :( and yes, my wife used to hit me even though I was conciderably bigger than her.