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I didn't know it, didn't realize, was unaware that perhaps the majority of my stories include the protagonist being romanced by a strong, commanding man who is handsome, strong, and regal beyond all reasonability. In the reality of my own life, I am often frightened of men I encounter to the point of paralysis. Once in a while, a man will be gentle and shepherd like with me, and a flip occurs. I am left completely stricken with the need to be obedient and held affectionately, not allowed to flee in terror. Those encounters are in my dreams and upon awakening, bereft sadness floods over me. In the last years, my pillow stays dry. I know that no one will come to rescue me from this bleak oubliette, probably of my own making.
There was one once, but he passed, leaving my heart completely crushed.
I cared for a needy woman for 39 years, and in the end I was sucked dry, with nothing left, and abandoned like the trash.
I long for a strong man to come into my life and to hold me in his arms, but that too is perhaps a fantasy that will never be fulfilled in this life.
Comments
Not a Strong Man....
I'll hold you in a warm hug for as long as you need...
Loving Hugs tmf
Thank You.
These are hard times for all of us. I get really bored.
Thank you.
Gwen
Healthy relationships are two-way streets
I can fully empathize with your second to last paragraph, though my own marriage effectively ended in pretty much the same state after only 12 years. Though getting the legalities squared away took another almost eight years.
A relationship like that described makes one feel like a victim. And considering that a healthy relationship has an overall balance between give and take, one is effectively left in an unfit state for a new relationship. So anybody who dives right into a new relationship becomes the victimizer of this new relationship.
Therefore a very deliberate time for grieving and healing after the end of a relationship is extremely important in order to avoid sabotaging the next relationship. Formal counseling might be very beneficial. Divorce statistics bear this out, since they show that the probability of a relationship ending in divorce rises almost exponentially with previous divorce.
I would like to encourage you to focus on resolving your own issues and finding your inner peace/center, instead of expending energy by looking for a new relationship. And I am walking the talk! It has now been 15 years since my marriage ended. Unfortunately there where a few setbacks, but I also became aware of several other issues that need resolution. I decided that starting a new relationship without resolving at least the majority of my issues would be extremely unfair to any potential partner.
Best wishes from
Jessica Nicole
Thank you.
Yes, it was my wife. My first Diagnosis by the Trauma Room Doctors was worn out CareGiver. It's been 16 years now, and the guilt I felt took years to ease. No one is perfect, and least of all me. When I had my breakdown, the Church and my Family held a very mean spirited trial, accusing me of the most vile of things. When they were finished, I decided that since they were accusing me of these things, I went out and bought women's clothing, dressed up and went to a Crossdresser's group. It took them years, here in Oregon to figure out just what the hell I was.
We might as well aim to be happy
You only get one shot at life, which is scary, but it also sets you free. If the universe ends in heat death, every humiliation you suffer in your life will be forgotten. Every mistake you made will not matter in the end. Every bad thing you did will be voided. If our life is all we get to experience, then it's the only thing that matters. If the universe has no principles, the only principles relevant are the ones we decide on. If the universe has no purpose, then we get to dictate what its purpose is. ... We are truly free in a universe-sized playground, so we might as well aim to be happy and to build some kind of utopia in the stars." - Kurzgesagt
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBRqu0YOH14
Your friend
Crash