Heather hear me out before you say no again. I know you think Juan being a crossdresser makes giving him a chance a no go. The cringe on your face when you told me. That look of disgust was sign enough that your decision was set. It should not be. You have put too much emphasis on something which is insignificant. How does Juan liking to wear women's clothing change who he is? That does not change one thing about him and you know it doesn’t.

When I was a young girl, the man of my dreams was tall, ambitious, and a college grad. It turns out that the man of life is short, easy-going and a carpenter. Dreams have a tendency of putting an emphasis on desires instead of what is necessary for happiness Then chasing your wants can lead to them becoming confused with your needs. Trust me, if you are true to yourself, life will turn out better than your wildest dreams.

Being true to yourself means you see what is important in others as what you want others to see is important in you. The man of my dreams was tall, yet I never wanted a guy to want me for my height. This man would live to work. He would want to go as high up the corporate ladder as he could, I wanted to work to live. I knew how important having a good work-life balance is, yet I wanted that man not to have one. I also had being a college grad confused with someone who was intelligent and a critical thinker. The qualities which I deemed essential for him to have were ones which I did not want others to want me to have.

The man of my life is a little below average height. I would love Austin the same if he was a foot taller or shorter. His height has nothing to do with what makes him perfect for me. He is happy with his station in life. He makes good money and is doing work which he enjoys. He provides not only monetarily but more importantly emotionally. Lastly, he is one of the most articulate, well-read people I’ve ever met. He loves talking about concepts and ideas and that was what I was needed when I was looking for someone who was college-educated.

Chasing the man of my dreams led to many heartbreaks. The heartbreak were all caused by the same reason, we were not compatible with each other. I was looking for someone to share my life with and what I deemed important had no bearing on if we were a match. I found someone to share our lives with each other.

I did make a mistake and broke up with the man of my life. I found out Austin was a crossdresser and, like you, thought that was a dealbreaker. Without even hearing him out I told him we were done. I thought he might be gay because he liked to wear skirts. That would be like a man breaking up with me because he thought I was a lesbian because I like to fish.

I put up with guys who drank too much, who believed their hype too much, or who wanted to stay out with the boys too much. Those men put themselves in front of the relationship all the time. I made excuses for them. That they needed to mature, they what guys did, or the worst one that their behavior was normal. Adults do not need to mature, guys might act in that self-centered manner but men don’t and being stuck in arrested development is not normal behavior.

I was lucky, my first date after breaking up with the man of my life was with a man of my dreams. Oh, Shawn Levesque was right out of my dreams. He was tall, 6’5”. He was ambitious in his career, he rescheduled our date twice because he working late. Lastly, he was college-educated. He was a Rhodes Scholar.

The date was going great. He was charming and interested in me as a person. He is a great man and he believed that behind every great man is a great woman. I thought I could be that great woman. I forgot that I am not a great woman. I am an awesome woman and every awesome woman walks side by side with an awesome man.

Then at the end of the date, he casually mentions my outfit. Shawn meant no harm when he said I should wear a skirt on our next date. I took the comment as how it was meant, a compliment. I have great legs. That comment was also taken for what it was, a sign. Shawn wanted the women of his dreams. I would never be her. I am too much of a three-dimensional person to be from someone else’s dream.

Human nature makes it so people do compare new relationships with old ones. My first thought was Austin would never care what I wore in public. Yet, I made what he wore in private a deal-breaker. Right then, I knew I was not being true to myself with how I ended it with Austin. I did not treat my ex how I wanted to be treated. I ended a special relationship over something trivial.

I told Shawn, even with us having a great time there would be no second date. I told him the truth. I still had feelings for my ex and wanted to see if he would take me back. Like I said Shawn is a great guy and he understood. It was so sweet of him to say that Austin would be a fool not to take me back and my ex better change whatever made me end it between us. I knew he was being supportive so I did not tell him the person who needed to change was me. That I needed to get my priorities straight.

Even with it being a little late I called Austin before leaving the restaurant’s car park. I did not want to wait to see if I could correct the mistake I made. Austin told me he was doing nothing and I asked if I could come over to talk. He said no. I knew why, he was en femme. I asked again and told him I wanted to talk about me understanding I was wrong. He stilled said no.

I was not going to take no for an answer about talking that night. I needed to know right then if I was going to have to pay for being inconsiderate by losing the man of life. I know people deserve a second chance. That does not mean they will get it. Austin open up and shared an integral part of himself with me and I rejected him. He had the right to protect himself.

I know a lot of people would say I did the right thing by ending the relationship with Austin. I know they would say he was lucky, not me, was getting a second chance. That he should do whatever it took to get me back. Those people were wrong. Austin did nothing wrong. The person who needed a second chance was me and I should do whatever it took to get him back.

I went over and called Austin when I was at his front door. I told him I was not leaving until we talked. I told him I owed it to him to talk to him right now. Austin said no. I understood why Austin did not want to talk to me, he was in the right. Also, I was not being honest with the reason why I was over there. Yes, I owned it to him to talk with him, but this was about me. I needed to see if I threw away the chance of being with the man I should share my life with.

I waited outside for what seemed like the entire night In truth it was about 20 minutes. Then the door opened. Austin hurried up and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. In the rush to look more manly he did not get all the eye makeup off. He smelled of strawberries. His hair was matted down from being under a wig cap. His legs were smooth. He stood tall but I could tell he was pensive.

My heart fluttered seeing him. At that moment he came off more manly than ever before. He was more manly after he took out that huge tree stump in my parents’ yard. Austin was doing what was right. It might have been simple to talk to me, but it had to be hard. People have simply confused with easy. Running a marathon is simple, just put one foot in front of the other until you reach the finish line. Doing so is hard. It takes training, endurance, and willpower.

We talked. At first, Austin was standoffish. I don’t blame him. He needed to protect himself. He asked me what I needed in a relationship. I told him for both people to be happy. I need him being happy to make me happy and me being happy to make him happy.

I could tell he was warming up to me by what he brought up next. The love of my life started to talk about how to deal with his crossdressing if we got back together. I told him there was no need for a plan. That as long he was still the same Austin I love, he could dress as little or as much as he wanted. He quickly assured me Peggy was the same person as Austin. I knew that to be true. How long we were together, Austin might have been able to hide what he did when I was not around, but not who he was when I was not around.

I will not bore you with details. We got back together. We did have to work to get back to where we were before we broke up. It was a little strange to see my man wearing a nice skirt blouse combo. It was even stranger when I thought that he pulled off that outfit. Then it became normal. I do not bash an eye if he is in a dress every day after work for a week or if he goes a month without being en femme.

So, I am not saying you should give Juan a chance because he is Austin’s best friend. I am not saying you should give him a chance because Juan is a crossdresser like Austin. I am saying this because the reason you do not give Jaun a chance should not be because he is a crossdresser. You are letting something insignificant getting in the way for the chance of getting what you find essential in a relationship.

You mention how much you like being around him. You see how good you two get along. You want a man who also looks out for your best interests. Juan was being honest right away about dressing so it would not be an issue later. You want a man who is understanding and Juan is. Think about it, you looked down at him and he was still open to you changing your mind about the date. You want a man who will be there for you. When you moved, Juan offered to help. He did not know you well. He did so because you are my close friend. If someone is willing to be there for a friend of a friend, he will always be there for you. You want a man who puts a smile on your face when he walks in the room. Until Juan told you about liking to wear women's clothing you would smile whenever his name was brought up.

So you can either let satin and silk be the barrier of not starting a great relationship or you can treat Juan just like you would want to be treated. I hope instead of trying for your dreams you go after your wants.