Chapter 5

Riding in Cars with (Older) Boys

A gallon of gas didn’t take you very far in a 1954 Buick; maybe only about 12 miles. But for the six boys twelve miles was plenty and they managed to pull together 64 cents, enough for two gallons of gas.

The older boys sat in front. Gary, Rich’s older brother, was driving of course; it was Winn Bromely’s car. The two Lambert brothers, John and Jim, just a year apart, sat next to Gary, trying to distract him, playing with the radio, honking the horn.

Richie was in back with Buzz of all people, the boy Rich’s best friend Barb had a crush on, and Skeeter, a weird kid who, when no one was looking, liked to expose his uncircumcised penis, pull the skin out like wings with both hands and yell “Batman”. When everyone turned to see the spectacle all they would see was Skeeter tucking his so very long penis back into his pants. Occasionally though, Skeeter could be enticed to show ‘Batman’ and all the boys would marvel at it and say things like “What a wingspan it has”, and like the boys they were, laugh like hell.

Rich didn’t talk to Buzz about Barb and Buzz said little about the dance, or the kiss, or that he tried to feel her up. But Barb had told Rich all about it. She loved the kiss but wasn’t so sure about his wandering hand. Rich was hurt though when Gary asked Buzz about Barb shortly after the dance.

“Buzz,” Gary called. “Did you get any?” Rich overheard his brother and wanted to punch him. For Rich punching his brother was out of the question.

“None of your damn business.” Buzz said to Rich’s delight but then added. “Got enough.” That was just what Gary wanted; an opening.

“Did you get inside her panties?” Gary continued. Rich desperately wanted to tell both of these crass boys that he, the younger brother, had been with his friend Barb while she changed into and back out of the dress she wore to the dance with Buzz. He wanted to tell them that she changed her bra right in front of him and that he had seen her breasts and could see through her panties. But he couldn’t, not without a beating or worse. They wouldn’t believe him anyway and they wouldn’t understand the bond Rich and Barb shared.

“No, but I will. She’s got the hots for me. Just give me some time.” Buzz assured the older boy. For the rest of the summer Rich could only think about Barb and if that is really what she wanted. Did she really have the ‘hots’ for Buzz and would she let him touch her? Rich had not thought about it like that before. His feelings about girls, feeling like he wanted to be one, or was one, focused only on being a girl, what they wore, how they acted, the hair, the makeup. It never fully occurred to Rich that part of being a girl was being attracted to boys, to want boys to do things, sexual things. Sex wasn’t something Rich really thought about, as a boy or as a girl.

That fall of 1958 Rich sat in the back seat and thought about Barb. He didn’t want to be with these boys; he wanted to be with his friend. Gary had just turned sixteen that summer and Rich would be 14 in a few weeks.

Rich sat quietly between Buzz and Skeeter, who were also quiet.

“What are you shits doing back there?” Gary barked. “Playing with each other?” He added. The Lambert boys laughed profusely and peered back. “Yep, looks like a contest to me, like a backseat circle jerk.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Buzz demanded. “You can’t have a circle in the back seat of a car.” He continued trying to be logical.

Rich hated nothing more than the vulgar banter Gary and his friends constantly displayed. He tried not to do it himself but often failed, not because he liked it, but to fit in. To get along and not be teased, he had to pretend he liked it.

“Only jerks in this car are in the front seat.” Rich retorted.

“Wish we could get laid tonight.” The oldest Lambert boy ventured. “I saw some girls walking to the movies earlier. Maybe we could pick them up.” John tried.

“Dumb shit.” Gary pronounced. “Do you really think six girls would get in this car? And if they did, what the fuck would you do?”

“I donno”. John admitted.

“Besides the movie’s been out for an hour. They’re home by now.” Gary paused. “I’ve got a better idea.” He continued.

“I’m not jerking off in front of you again.” Jim joked.

“Admit it, asshole. It was fun.” Gary responded.

“You just liked it cause you won. So what’s your big fucking idea anyway?” John chimed in.

“Well, my idea is band practice.” Gary teased.

“What the fuck? Band practice?” The Lamberts said in unison.

“Yep, band practice just let out and who do you think will be walking home, out Sixth Street, in the dark by himself?”

The boys in the backseat listened to their older mentors go back and forth but said nothing.

“You mean Phillip? Phillip Drexel? Gary, you fucking prick, he’s a fucking homo!” John Lambert exclaimed.

“Yes, he is, Einstein. He’s a homo, not a fucking one but a sucking one, if you catch my drift.” Gary retorted proud of how he turned fucking to sucking. “Hey Buzz.” Gary called to the back seat. “Don’t you think a good blow job would be better than jerking off in bed tonight thinking about Barb’s pussy?”

Buzz didn’t answer. Yes, he had masturbated thinking about Barb, but Buzz was otherwise virgin. He couldn’t relate to what Gary had proposed. Neither could Skeeter nor especially Rich. All three of the backseat boys had heard about guys who liked to give oral sex to boys. They had heard the jokes about homos and blow jobs and getting ‘on your knees’, but was Gary serious?

Gary turned off Jefferson Avenue and up Sixth Street. After two blocks he spotted a lone figure walking toward Morton Avenue.

“There he is.” Gary announced. Phillip Drexel was wearing slacks and a short sleeve shirt. He carried a case of some kind, probably holding the flute he played in the band. Philip was older, a senior and everyone knew Phillip had a problem; a problem that no one ever talked about.

“Gary don’t.” Rich spoke up.

“Keep your mouth closed little brother or I’ll close it.”

Gary pulled the Buick up next to the curb just in front of the target and rolled down his window.

“Hey Phillip. Where you going?” Gary asked.

“Who’s there?” The boy with the flute case and horned rimmed glasses asked. “Why is that you Gary Bromely? I going home.” He said as he approached the car.

“Need a ride?” Gary quickly asked.

“Now Gary, you know I live in the next block. Why would you want to give me a ride?” He asked suspiciously. “Who’s in there with you? Oh, you’ve got a car full.” He noted.

“Phil, we wouldn’t go straight to your house. We could take a detour.”

The Drexel boy seemed to enjoy the banter and played along. “Oh, I don’t know. A detour? Whatever do you mean? There are so many of you. If it was just you Gary, I would love that, or maybe you and that cute Buzz in the back seat. But all six.”

“What’s a couple more, Phillip? You know you want to.” Gary pushed.

“Well, I guess it could be fun.” Phillip gave in and opened the car door. Gary jumped out to let Phillip pile in the back seat with Rich, Buzz and Skeeter. Soon they were headed toward the south side where they could park without being noticed. Phillip talked to the younger boys trying to ease their obvious tension. He told Buzz how cute he was. He told Skeeter he had heard stories about him, an obvious reference to “Batman”. But he said little to Rich, the youngest of the six boys.

Rich sat quietly wondering what was going to happen. He wanted to tell Gary to stop the car that he would walk home, but he knew he would not live it down if he did. He wanted to opt out somehow; he knew he didn’t want his first sexual experience with another person to be with a boy, to be oral sex. But Rich was not in control; he had no power over what was going on.

Gary pulled the car onto a secluded dark and empty lot. All the boys piled out except Phillip. Gary got into the back seat with him and the other boys stood around in the faint half-moon light. Skeeter lit a cigarette and nervously puffed.

“Got another one?” John asked.

“You don’t smoke.” Skeeter responded.

“Do now.” John answered taking one from Skeeter and waiting for a light.

“You o.k. Rich?” Jim asked the youngest boy who was almost shaking.

“Sure, why wouldn’t I be?” He lied. “It’s just that I, uh, I’ve never…”

John interrupted Rich before he could finish.

“Me either. I don’t think any of us have. Except maybe that crazy brother of yours.” John intentionally avoided describing what Gary and Phillip were doing in the back seat of Gary’s father’s 54 Buick, or more accurately what Phillip was doing to Gary.

“Yeh, what the fuck do you think is taking them so long? Maybe they’re doing each other.” Jim chimed in laughing. They heard the car door open and Gary emerged.

“John, you go next. God he’s good.” Gary exclaimed with a satisfied smile. Soon John disappeared into the back seat of the dark car. A few minutes later he emerged and Jim went to the car. Then Skeeter, who came out with a big smile on his face saying something about how Phillip was impressed with how big he was. Then Buzz took his turn and Rich stood waiting with the four older boys.

“Well, little brother. You ready to lose your cherry?” Gary asked. “Had your chance last year with Norma, don’t fuck it up this time.” Rich didn’t want any part of what was going on but he couldn’t tell Gary that. He just shook his head, affirmatively.

“You’re going to love it.” Gary reassured him. Rich felt he needed to pee and he found some bushes and unzipped his pants. He fumbled for his penis which seemed embarrassingly small, almost as if it were hiding. He finally managed to pull it out far enough to pee. He returned to the group who were all smoking now.

“What's taking Buzz so long? Gary asked impatiently.

“Phil has a crush on Buzz.” Jim noted. “Did you hear what he said? He really likes Gary and Buzz. I think he wants to take you or Buzz to the prom.” Jim added playfully pushing Gary.

“Yeh, Gary, which one of you will wear the dress?” John teased.

“Sure as hell won’t be me.” Gary quickly answered. “Only homos and sissies wear dresses, right little brother.” Gary stated emphatically looking directly at Rich, as if he knew about the attic. Rich had heard the reference to sissies before, many times, but this was the first time he felt the reference was directed toward him and he felt he might be sick. The sissy reference was almost always coupled with weakness, of course but invariably there was that connection to girls and dresses. Not to mention the connotation generically that boys and men were smarter and better than girls and women. Rich didn’t think of it like that. He was strong enough and played a pretty good game of basketball. He did most of the yard work for his dad, unlike Gary, and he got good enough grades. The dress thing, the girl thing, what he did in his grandmother’s attic, wearing his sister’s dresses, in Rich’s immature mind, was just something he felt and liked. It didn’t really mean he was a sissy, and he certainly wasn’t a homo.

Rich heard the car door open and saw the dark silhouette of Buzz emerge. Unlike the other boys who returned smiling from their turn with Phillip, Buzz did not have the triumphant look; he was not smiling but instead looked nervous.

“Your turn needle dick.” Gary told his brother. “Make it quick, I gotta get the car back.”

Rich quickly approached the car and opened the door, pulled the driver’s seat forward and slid into the back seat with Phillip.

“Oh, it’s little Richie. I’ve been waiting for you. You are so cute. I hope I’m your first.” It was so dark in the back of the Buick that Rich could barely make out Phillip’s smile. Rich could tell a lot had gone on. The older boy looked somewhat disheveled. Even in the dark Rich noticed that Phillip’s pants were unbuckled and pulled down. Phillip’s white briefs caught the dim moonlight and Rich panicked. Was there a mutual expectation?

Phillip must have felt Rich’s fear and pulled up his pants and zipped his fly.

“It’s o.k. Richie. Just relax. I’m going to take care of you and you don’t have to do anything.” Phillip said as if one of the other boys had. Rich wondered if the way Phillip was when Rich got into the car, with his pants unzipped and pulled down, coupled with the look on Buzz’s face meant that Buzz may have done to Phillip what Phillip was starting to do to Rich. He thought about his friend Barb and how she had such a crush on Buzz. Rich vowed never to tell her about this night and what Buzz might have done with Phillip.

Rich felt Phillip unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants. The older boy tugged on the pants and the briefs quickly pulling them down to Rich’s knees.

“Oh, how sweet.” Phillip said as he fondled Rich’s penis. Rich was terrified. He didn’t want to be there, in the backseat with an older boy touching him. He tried to think of something else. He thought about his friend Barb and how she must have felt when Buzz tried to feel inside her panties and she stopped him. He thought what it must be like for girls wearing a dress with boys trying to reach under the skirt and feel between their legs, feel inside the panties. He remembered how she described it, how she felt so conflicted. She said she just loved how he kissed her and how warm and sweet it made her feel. She told Rich how she really wanted to let Buzz do what he wanted but knew it was wrong, that she would have to wait. Rich wondered if that is the way he should be feeling, but he wasn’t. Rich wasn’t wearing panties or a dress and this boy wasn’t interested in what would normally be in those panties. No, Rich wasn’t conflicted about what Phillip was doing, now taking Rich’s little half erect penis into his mouth. It didn’t make Rich feel warm or sweet and Rich couldn’t think about a dress or any of his girl feelings.

Rich’s first sexual experience with another person was a mixture of pain and pleasure. Most, but not all, of the pain was emotional. Something about what he was feeling hurt, physically, but there was also that raw sexual excitement that ended quickly.

“Umm.” Phillip murmured as he released Rich’s penis and wiped it with his handkerchief. “I love little sweet boys like you. I hope I made your first time special.” He said proud of his expertise.

Rich said nothing and was glad it was over. He didn’t want to talk. He pulled up his pants, pushed the car seat forward and opened the door. He zipped his pants and called for the others, letting them know he was done.

“Shotgun.” He yelled getting into the front seat. The boys piled back into the car with Buzz sitting in the middle with Rich in the front and the Lambert boys and Skeeter in the back. It was so quiet on the ride back to Morton Avenue where Phillip lived. No one said anything until Skeeter, sitting next to Phillip, called out “Batman” and all seven boys, including Rich, erupted in laughter.