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Chapter Four
 
She lost all track of time as she sat there crying her heart out. Her worst fears had become reality; her family had disowned her because of her situation. Her father thought she was some sort of pervert and her mother was bitterly disappointed.

After what seemed like hours and having cried herself numb she finally drove back to her apartment. Once there she changed into a large t-shirt and fell into her bed and dozed off not bothering to check her phone which had half a dozen messages from Gina.

She slept till dawn but woke up feeling lethargic and after eating some breakfast she promptly threw up. Connie wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her bed at that moment but she needed a pay check to keep a roof over her head. It wasn't like she had parent’s who’d bail her out she realised which set off another crying jag.

Somehow she managed to pull herself together and get ready for work. Her day went by quieter than usual; she completely lost herself in duties and managed to put aside her misery through this intense focus. She’d always kept to herself and her work[lace was no exception, she had no friends there just known strangers which suited her just fine that day, she wasn’t in the mood to chitchat with the nerds she worked with. Being the only girl and a gorgeous one at that helped, a lot of them had no idea how to socialise with her anyway and she’d never felt the need to break the ice.

When she got home she was surprised to find Jason there.

“Thank goodness, you’re okay!” he exclaimed looking and sounding relieved.

“I was worried sick, you never called last night,” he added as he took her hands and kissed her cheek.

“I’m sorry, I completely forgot,” said Connie.

After the devastating events of the weekend she’d completely forgotten to call Jason on her return.

“Didn’t you get my phone calls; I nearly went to the police,”

“No I didn’t, I had switched off my phone,” she told him.
 

 
In the aftermath of Connie’s announcement all was not well in Richards’ home. Jack had gone out to let off some steam while Helen was shell shocked.

“He doesn’t even look like a girl,” she muttered to Gina who was devastated at how things had gone and was quietly sobbing hurt by what had happened to Connie.

“I can’t believe this. What on earth did I do wrong?” she kept saying.

“Is that all you can think about Mom, Dad just threw Connie out and that’s all you’ve got to say,” said Gina, scandalised.

“Don’t you dare call David that, his name is David,”

“David doesn’t exist mom, he never did. You and dad just threw out my sister!” said Gina angrily.

“Are you saying you believe that nonsense?” retorted Helen.

“It’s not nonsense Mom, Connie’s always been a girl on the inside, always and I understand why she had to get surgery. She was never going to be a man like dad or Julian,” answered Gina, “when I stayed at her place I noticed how happy and more open she was. David was always glum and Connie is so alive. Truth be told I could never get David because he wasn’t real, Connie’s different that’s the true person,” responded Gina faithfully.

Having gotten to know Connie a lot better since their first meeting she certainly believed her sibling was far happier being female.

Her mother shook her head.

“I don’t get it Gina. Why would you change yourself like that?” remarked Helen.

“Mom if kids are born with an extra finger they cut it off right so they can be like everyone else right?”

Her mother nodded.

“David’s like that too, he was never really a guy. Sure his body might say so but inside it was killing him. It was either that or death,” explained Gina.

“But why didn’t he get therapy or something to cure him?” Helen wondered.

“He did and the surgery was the cure Mom. You don’t just get a sex change Mom the way you get a nose job, you have to see a number of doctors and stay as a girl for a year or so to prove if the right path for you. Connie didn’t do this on a whim; it’s the result of a lifelong journey,” pointed out Gina.

Helen shook her head, boys were boys and girls were girls and never shall the twain meet was her default thinking and as much as she loved her child, what Connie had done was too hard to understand let alone accept. She was too hurt to even begin understanding Gina’s argument.
 

 
“Connie no offence but you look like hell, what happened?” Jason asked worriedly.

Connie sighed; the tears were not too far away. Part of her wanted to say nothing was wrong but she figured Jason would pry it out of her.

“I had a fight with my parents, they don’t want to see my face again,” she told him in a sad voice.

“Why, I mean, why would they say that?” said a stunned Jason.

For some reason Connie wasn’t thinking straight, ordinarily she wouldn’t have done what she did next but she was feeling pretty fatalistic that day so she told him why.

“Let’s sit down,” she suggested softly, “I have to tell you something,” she added.

“What is it? I doubt there’s hardly anything I don’t know about you,” remarked Jason.

Connie sighed, “There is, Jason but first I want you to know something. In the eight months I’ve known you, I’ve fallen head over heels for you. I love you Jason,” she said.

“I love you too Connie, you’re my world,” said Jason warmly picking up her hands.

“I know that’s why I have to tell you something. It’s the reason my parents threw me out,” she told him her eyes bright with the tears she was fighting back.

“Whatever it is I can handle it,” Jason reassured, “we’ll handle it together,” he added.

“I’m not like other girls,” began Connie before Jason interrupted her.

“Of course you’re not that’s why I love you,” he teased.

“Jason, have you ever heard of gender dysphoria?” Connie queried.

“Yeah isn’t it like one of those diseases where the person thinks they are the opposite sex?” he responded.

“It’s not a disease,” said Connie defensively.

“Wait, don’t tell me you want to be a guy?” said Jason in surprise.

Connie shook her head, “No way,” she said fervently.

Jason looked relieved but the gears in his mind were still turning.

“So what about the gender thingy?” he asked.

Connie looked into his eyes briefly before looking away.

“I had it before you met me. When I was born I was named David,” she said softly.

“You’re a man?” asked Jason in disbelief.

“No I’m not Jason but I was born with the wrong body and I got it fixed but my parents can’t accept that,” said Connie.

“You’re a man, you lied to me,” said Jason angrily jerking his hands away from Connie’s.

“I’m not a man!” Connie sobbed.

“I never lied to you. This is who I am, a woman. How I was born shouldn’t matter,” she said.

“You’re a faggot. What the hell were you doing, trying to get me join your disgusting ways?” said Jason furiously.

“You bastard, did I feel like a man when you were sleeping with me?” said Connie just as angrily.

“Would you tell a man you loved him?” she added.

Jason stood up and made to strike her but restrained himself when he saw her wince and realised what he was about to do.

“You conned me you, you freak! I don’t ever want to see you again or I really will beat you up David,” he declared vehemently before storming out of the apartment banging the door behind him.

Connie curled up on her couch and cried over the shambles that was her life. At that moment she wondered what the point of her life was. What had just passed seemed to suggest that happiness was destined to be a fleeting occurrence in her life with misery her constant companion all because of something she’d never asked for.

Gina found her in this state just a few hours later, she’d been worried by the lack of contact from her since her abrupt departure. Worried, she’d decided to go to the apartment to check on her. Connie had given her a key on her first visit and she’d used it to gain entry.

Her sister looked terrible, her eyes red from the crying, her hair dishevelled while her makeup was ruined. Gina rushed to her side, joining her on the sofa and taking her into her arms.

“Gina,” said Connie, “what are you doing here?”

“You’re my sister, I came to check on you,” said Gina softly.

“Dad will..,” Connie was saying.

“I don’t care what Dad does. I love you and I’m not gonna abandon you,” Gina said which only elicited more sobs from the older girl.

“You’re the only person who cares,” wept Connie, “I’m a freak yet you still love me,” she sobbed.

“You’re not a freak Connie. You’re a strong woman and you’re my hero. I don’t think I could have dealt with the life you got but you made the most of it and today you a beautiful woman with a great job and good prospects,”

“Jason doesn’t think so; he almost beat me up when I told him everything. I’ll never be happy,” said Connie, choking on the sobs, her body heaving with despair.

“You told him and he broke up with you? What a bastard,” remarked Gina angrily.

“No, I’m the freak. Look at me, first Mom and Dad, now Jason. What’s wrong with me?” Connie asked.

“You’re wonderful Connie; they’re the ones who’re wrong. Don’t beat yourself up over this, you did your best with them and they couldn’t handle it. You did what you were supposed to now you can move on with your life sis,” Gina said in an attempt to console the older girl.

“Am I going to go through life like this, losing the people I love because I had a sex-change?” Connie asked.

“Hey I’m still here right? Mom and Dad were wrong to disown you. I know you didn’t choose this but even I can tell you’re better off as a girl, you’re a natural. Your problem is you’re not selfish enough Connie, you don’t want to hurt anyone but you have your life and Mom and Dad have theirs. You can’t live your life for them or any other human being. Answer me this question as honestly as possible, do you want to go back to being David?” Gina asked.

Connie stayed silent for a while thinking of everything that had happened. However she knew there was only one answer to that.

“No. I mean I wish they could accept me as the person I’ve become but I can never be David not for anyone. It’s just that it hurts so much that they don’t want me,” she told her sister.

“I know honey,” said Gina, tears falling from her eyes, “but you’ll get over this and trust me they will regret this. I’ve got to know the real you and I’m proud to have a sister like you. We’ll make it together. When Dad threw you out, he threw me out as well,” she added.

“Thanks but I please don’t break it off with them too. They are still our parents and their quarrels with me not you so don’t destroy your relationship for my sake,” Connie, “promise me that?”

Gina realised what a self-less person her sister was, right then. She’d always thought her sibling wasn’t assertive but then she learnt of Connie’s secret transition and she’d resented it as being selfish but when Connie told her what she’d gone through, how she’d postponed it and hidden it so as not hurt her family while it was grieving then hiding it from them to preserve their relationship she’d realised Connie was the most selfless individual she’d met. Now she was begging her not to destroy her relationship with them for their family’s sake even though in her shoes some people wouldn’t have cared. Even when hurting she still tried to help her family, the very same people who’d hurt her and it made her admiration of Connie swell tenfold.
 

 
Connie insisted Gina go back home the following day. Gina wanted to stay for a while and make sure she was okay but Connie told her she’d be okay and to go spend her Thanksgiving break with their family saying her absence would only make things worse for everyone.

“We don’t want them to say I led you astray so please go for my sake,” she begged her sister.

“I don’t have to like it but I’ll do it,” said Gina reluctantly.

“You’re a star Gina. Remember don’t fight with them about what happened, you still need to finish college,” Connie reminded her.

Both of them were sad to separate but both agreed it was for the best; Gina was still dependent on their parents for her schooling and upkeep as she hadn’t got a scholarship like her sibling. Connie also didn’t want to split the family over her. Gina didn’t deserve to lose their parents because of her. This was why Connie insisted she not fight them or argue her case.

So Gina returned to the Richards while Connie stayed behind at her apartment. She was still devastated at losing her boyfriend and her parents attitude and as you can imagine there were lots of tears shed over this though Gina’s visit helped Connie a lot. She didn’t feel as hopeless as she had at first and she began trying to deal with it. Her work helped a bit and so did the television and the copious of amounts of fried chicken, chocolate and ice cream she devoured and the increased exercise she started to keep the above-mentioned food off her hips.

Meanwhile at the Richards the atmosphere was strained, it was obvious to even a stranger that Helen and Jack were upset. Thanksgiving was dull and Helen had to fight the urge to call her child and invite her over. You’d think that they’d be used to a three person dinner by now as Connie hadn’t attended for the last three years but it was strange because they knew Connie wouldn’t be coming because they would have no truck with a person like her even if she was their child.

They were all hurt though it hardly showed on Jack except with the increased irritability while Helen seemed close to tears when she passed David’s room or Julian’s while Gina bitterly resented her parents for creating this situation and hurting everyone.

Connie was used to being lonely. It was something she’d grown up with as a child so it was nothing new to her but this time it felt different, in the past she’d always had the hope that one day things would get better and indeed they had in the past year, she had finally corrected nature’s mistake, fallen in love and come out to her family but in a week everything had gone awry save for her relationship with Gina which if anything was stronger.

She wondered about her future. Would anyone love her after they learnt her story?

Would she be able to have her own family?

Why didn't she have any close friends still?

She didn't question her decision to transition, her gender was most certainly female but she didn’t want to be alone for the remainder of her existence. Losing Jason who’d been her first love and first real friend hurt deeply and the look on his face when he’d nearly hit her, it had been like she’d stopped being a human being and become a thing to him and that had hurt more than his words.

Would everyone react like that to her and was that a reason to remain friendless?

She couldn't answer this definitively but she did resolve that being alone wasn’t a way to live and she was going to live.

That’s why she changed and drove to a soup kitchen to donate some food and her time. Besides spreading some cheer it would make her feel less miserable. Maybe getting some air would also make feel better physically because she’d been feeling lethargic and nauseous since her return from her parents home and she ascribed this to being depressed. She’d learnt about psycho-somatic illnesses in college and she supposed that was happening to her.

The folks at the soup kitchen were quite glad to have her help and for the first time that week she started to feel good.

“Do you come here a lot?” she asked the girl she was helping with the potatoes.

"Once a week, my dad was once homeless when he came back from Vietnam,” explained the girl whose name was Pattie.

“He turned his life around thanks to the help of places like this. My brother and I wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for that,” she added.

“Wow,” said Connie in amazement that a simple act of charity had helped make the existence of the girl beside her possible, “life is strange isn’t it?”

“Definitely, how about you, what’s your story?” Pattie returned.

“Mine, well I used to do some volunteering in college. I was free today so I thought what better way to spend my time than to help out,” answered Connie.
 
 

 
To Be Continued...