Free Spirit-4 by Lynceus Having faced down the demons of her past, Cathy is ready to face her destiny as a hero...right after her date with Steve Rogers, that is!

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Chapter Seven: The Price of Freedom

Finally, there were no more tears to shed. Maybe I could have handled it better, but I no longer felt that I had failed. I'd done what I'd set out to do; I had faced the dragon in it's lair. And found an old, bitter man, who had long ago closed his heart, and his mind.

I pitied him. And my Mother, who could accept me as a woman, as a hero, but not as a metahuman. I gently stroked Rose's hair. “Thank you, Sis. For everything.”

She snuggled close, and it brought me back to happier times. “I've missed you so much. Do you really have to go?”

I sighed. “You know I do, Rose. But I won't be a stranger, I promise. You let me back into your life, I won't forget that.”

“Cathy...you got it backwards. I didn't let you back into my life. You let me back into yours.”

I kissed her hair. “I think it was a little of both. Either way, I won't lose you again.”

“So, I heard you have a date.” She turned and smiled.

“What the hell?! How did you..?” I blinked at her.

“Small town, Sis, you know how it is.”

I frowned. “I don't really feel like a date. Besides, the whole town is going to find out who I really am, and that won't be good for Steve.”

Rose snorted. “Steve Rogers can take care of himself. There's talk of electing him Sheriff, you know.”

“All the more reason he shouldn't associate with me.”

“Cash Jackson Webster!” Rose tried to glare at me, but instead she broke out into a sheepish smile. “Sorry. I guess using your full name doesn't work anymore.”

I grinned. “No, it does. Let me guess, I'm being stupid?”

“Steve fought for this country, and risked his life. He's handled drunks, punks, thugs, and bikers up and down this town since he got back. I think he can handle some tight-assed bigots.”

“Sis! Such language!”

She giggled. “It's not my fault, Greg corrupted me.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Greg?”

“Trust me, when his patience wears out, his language gets a lot more colorful.”

“Mm, well you would know.”

“So what is your middle name now?”

I scratched the back of my neck. “Uh..I don't have one.”

“Oh that won't do. No, not at all.” She got a thoughtful look on her face. “Cathy Beatrice.”

“Beatrice?! Do I look like a Beatrice to you?”

“It means 'blessed voyager'. As in, a voyager through life.”

I shook my head. “You could have just said yes, you know. Ok, fine. Cathy Beatrice.”

“Catherine Beatrice.” She grinned.

“Don't push your luck, Sis.” But I smiled back at her.

-

I was still unsure about the whole 'date' thing, so I called up Alena, mostly to stall for time. But once she asked me to tell her about my day, I found myself doing so, not skipping a single detail. Like she was a close, trusted friend! Fifteen or not, the more I got to know Alena, the more I was impressed by her compassion and, well, wisdom.

She'd be the first one to deny it, and granted, she's made her share of mistakes. But for a young woman her age, she's simply remarkable, and I'm glad to count her as one of my friends. She listened to everything I had to say, and when I finally trailed off, she was quiet for so long I wondered if I'd bored her to sleep!

But then she started to talk, slowly. “Cathy...you deserve so much better. Parents are people who are supposed to protect you, love you. Try and guide you to become a better person. My Dad failed to do that. Not as badly as yours did, but he never tried to understand me, like Mom has. I think you need to give your Mom another chance. Maybe not now, but soon.”

I sighed. “I think you're right, hon.”

“You're strong enough to get past this, I know it. But I don't think your journey is over yet. There's still more for you to learn.”

“Huh. Like what?”

“Well, first of all, I think you should go out on that date. Yes, I know, you're still not sure where you stand on the whole sexuality thing, and believe me, I can so relate! It's so damn confusing to me, and I can't imagine it's much easier for you. But he sounds like a really good person, and someone who would make for a good friend.”

I smiled at her words. “I was getting hung up on the whole boy and date thing, wasn't I?”

“Yeah, I think so. Not that I'm an expert; I should really have you talk with Mom sometime.”

“She sounds like a remarkable woman.”

“She is. I wouldn't be who I am now without her, in more ways than the obvious. But you need to find more teachers, too. You have the courage and the will to be a hero, but you need to know how to fight like one.”

That comment threw me for a moment. “Alena, I don't get it. You became a hero without knowing a thing about fighting.”

“Sorry...I didn't say that right. It's not knowing how to fight, it's knowing how you can fight. With me, it's saving people. I don't want to fight or hurt anyone. I'm afraid of what my powers could do to someone. Even when Jade was trying to take my powers from me, when I first met her, I had a hard time fighting her directly. But the minute I see people who need my help...everything changes.”

“I want to help people too, Alena. I don't understand what you mean.”

She sighed. “I'm sorry. It's just that...when you're out there, it's hard not to hesitate. I..I hesitate. A lot. It isn't until I realize people could get hurt that I can push my doubts aside and be a hero. I hesitated recently. I came across a problem so big and massive, I didn't know what to do. I snapped out of it, but I keep asking myself how many people died because I didn't ask sooner?”

“Alena...”

“No, let me get this out. You and me, we're not soldiers. We're not wired to be! But to do what we have to do, we need to learn how to be soldiers. And you've really inspired me. Tomorrow, I'm going to visit my Dad, and try to resolve some of my fears, the way you have.”

She paused a moment, then continued.

“Cathy, it's something we both need to learn. And, well, Steve, he's a soldier, right?”

“Alena, I really want to hug you right now. Thank you so much. I understand now.”

“You're welcome, Cathy. I'm glad someone does. Most of the time, I don't understand myself either.”

“I guess I better ask Sis what I look good in.”

“Well, I'm not my sister, but...how about a long dress? Maybe slit up one leg? Black would look good.”

“You sound like you have one in mind.”

“Ah..yeah. It's from a video game.”

I smiled. “So you're saying I look like a video game character?”

“Well, uh, yeah.”

“Tell me her name, I'll look her up and decide if I should be flattered or not.” I sat down at Greg's computer.

“Aya Brea, she's from the Parasite Eve games.”

I opened a browser and typed in 'aya brea dress'. My eyes rose. “Oh wow. You think I'd look good in that?”

“Why not? I sure do.” I turned to see Rose smiling at me.

“Ah..Alena, that's my sister, Rose.”

“I'm very happy to meet you, Rose.” I'll say this much for Alena, she has good manners!

“It's my pleasure, Alena. Which one are you?”

“I'm the Green Lantern. Er, the other one, not Jade.” I could imagine Alena blushing, poor kid!

“You mean the cute one, right? Well I hate to cut this short, but if I'm going to help Cathy get ready...”

“Oh yeah, good thinking. Good luck Cathy!”

I smiled. “You too, Alena.”

-

I cheated and used the ring to replicate the dress. I wasn't sure about the heels, though. “They make me too tall.”

“Quit complaining, Steve's a tall guy!”

“I hate the shoes the ring makes. I never feel like I have enough traction. Besides, it throws my balance off!”

“Cathy. Seriously. I've seen ballerinas who aren't as graceful as you. Besides, if you fall, at least you'll have a cute guy to catch you, right?”

I blushed. Somehow, the idea of being held by Steve gave me goosebumps. It was so hard to reconcile my memories of him from High School with the major hunk he'd become! “Does Greg catch you?”

Rose snorted. “I'd be lucky if he didn't drop me! When we danced for our wedding, he stepped on my feet like five times!” She shook her head. “But I wouldn't trade the clutz for anything. Now, turn for me.”

I did as instructed. I still didn't like the shoes, but as long as I didn't need to run (apparently Aya Brea can run and even fight in the damn things. Which was really impressive, if you ask me!), I didn't really think I'd have a problem. “So what's the verdict?”

“Well, if I say anything, I'm going to end up sleeping on the couch. For a week.” Greg chimed in, having poked his head into the room.

I grinned at him. “That good? Thanks Greg.”

“Greg, are you having thoughts about my sister?” Rose teased her husband.

“Right now, I'm having thoughts that involve living to see tomorrow! But seriously, you're going to knock poor Steve flat, Cathy.”

Rose smiled. “I concur. I'm actually jealous of how good you look!”

“Thanks guys. I guess I better get moving, then.”

“Take my car. It wouldn't do for you to show up for your date in a beat-up van.”

“Hey! I like that van, Greg!” But he had a point, and I was grateful to him.

It's good to have family.

-

I was fairly nervous when I arrived at the restaurant. I'd gotten there before Steve, so I was standing in the lobby when I heard his voice behind me. “Wow.”

I turned and saw him giving me a once-over with a smile on his face. I felt my cheeks burn. “Hi.”

“Hi yourself.” He smiled. “You look stunning.”

I lowered my head slightly. “Thank you.”

He offered me his arm. “Shall we go get dinner?

I took it graciously, and the hostess led us to our table. All eyes were on us (or at least, me as we walked past the other patrons). Were they wondering who this beautiful young woman was? Or did they already know, and were just staring in shock at the freak? I wasn't sure wish, but I found the courage to hold my head high. I wasn't going to let them ruin my night!

Steve pulled my chair out for me. “Thank you.”

“It's my please, beautiful.” He pushed the chair in for me before taking his own seat. “You really do look incredible.”

“...Steve...” I didn't know what to say!

“I know, I'm sorry. I can't help it, it's been a long time since I've been on anything like a date. And never with someone as lovely as you.”

“You know the truth about me, how can you say that?” I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, but it had been the main question burning in my brain since this morning!

“I don't really know you. The person you used to be, back in school, was pretty distant. No one could figure you out. I understand now, you felt like you were living a lie.”

I blinked and bit back a retort. Old habits die hard; when you've been persecuted by others, it becomes hard not to persecute them in return.

He held up a hand. “I know what you're thinking. How could I know that? Well, the truth is, back then, I couldn't. But when I was in Iraq, I really had my eyes opened. I mean, here we were, interfering with another country's government, trying to force the people to change their entire society, and I started to wonder. What gave us the right?”

He shook his head. “Fighting to free an oppressed people is one thing. But we crossed a line there. We were afraid, our country had been hurt, and badly. So we hurt people right back. I just hope that, someday, when the history books look back at the whole mess, we'll be seen to have done something good. Sorry, I'm rambling.”

“No...I want to hear this. I never used to think of myself as being patriotic, but I've been looking around lately, maybe for the first time, and realizing that the ideals of this country are good. But something has gotten lost along the way.”

“I was wondering about your costume.”

“I'll get to that. But for now, let's order.” I smiled at the waitress, who, to my surprise, smiled back sweetly.

-

After we got our drinks, I asked Steve to continue.

“I made some good friends in my company. Two really good ones, in fact, Clint and Andrew...we called him Andy.” He smiled, but there was a sadness in his eyes. “Only Clint and I made it back. Andrew died during an insurgent attack. We'd been separated from the others, him and I, and pinned down by gunfire for at least forty minutes. Andy was a little guy, he got teased a bit about how girlish he looked. It didn't help that he was the youngest guy in our company. But he was a fighter, if you messed with him, even if you won, you'd pay for it. Of course, once Clint and I started hanging out with him, that stopped. We were like brothers, if one of us was in trouble, the others would have their back.”

“You used to be a skinny kid yourself.” I noted.

“I used to know this guy named Cash who fit the bill as well.” He smiled. “But yeah, I know. Maybe that's why I felt so protective of Andy. I didn't stop growing until I was almost 20, and I got serious about physical fitness during the last year of school. I knew I wanted to join the Army, and I knew that I'd have to push myself to the limit to get in.”

“You did an amazing job. I mean, look at you, you're a serious hunk!”

He chuckled. “Thanks, I try to stay in shape.” He looked away for a moment. “Andy at some point decided we were going to die. That's when he finally admitted to me that he was gay. It floored me, but I knew him. He was my brother. And I realized it didn't matter to me.”

He took a slow drink. “We got to talking, I know, a strange time to open up, but I didn't have much more hope than he did. Then something got tossed into the abandoned house we were holed up in. A grenade. Andy got up and dove for it. I couldn't stop him in time. He landed on it...and it went off.”

Steve closed his eyes, old pain surfacing. “He was still alive, but barely, when I rolled him over. My ears were ringing, but he kept trying to say something to me before he died. I...I took it hard. He died to save me! I didn't want to be a soldier anymore. What was the point? I was really contemplating doing something stupid to get sent home...and Clint would be right behind me, I knew that. And then, one night, I had a dream.”

He stopped again as our food arrived. We ate in silence for a few minutes, and I wondered if he would continue. And then he did.

“I was reliving the whole thing. Just like before, I couldn't stop him. But this time, when I rolled him over, I realized what he had been saying. 'I love you'.”

I reached over and placed my hand on his, squeezing it gently. “I'm sorry Steve.”

“I should have known!”

“Shh. How could you have? You saw him as a little brother. He hid what he was.”

Steve just frowned. “No. You should be able to tell when someone loves you.”

“You haven't seen anyone since you got back, have you?”

“Busted. No. Because I realized, I loved him back. I don't know if I could have...you know, been in a relationship...it's hard, to change your thinking. But I would have given him as much as I could.”

“Not many men would admit that.”

He shrugged. “They already think I'm gay, since I turn down all the girls. That's why we're getting all the stares.”

“I thought it was me!”

He laughed. “Well, yes, you are a stunning young woman. Probably too young for me, actually.”

I glared at him, but I guess my blush offset that a bit. “You know what I mean.”

“I heard about what happened at your parents house. Your Dad called the police, and Joe Kelly went there.”

“Uh oh. Dad and Joe have been friends for a long time.” I frowned.

“Not anymore.”

I blinked. “What?!”

“Joe told me about it. Since apparently my name got brought up.” He winked at me, then sobered before continuing. “Your Dad was ranting and raving about some 'mutant freak girl'. Joe sat down and had a beer with him, and finally got the whole story. And who the girl really was.”

“Looks like I have good timing.” I turned, and saw Joe Kelly himself walking up to our table! Nearing retirement, his hair was thinner and his gut a bit larger than I remembered, but this was the man I grew up calling 'Uncle Joe'.

He stopped and shook his head, looking at me. “Unbelievable. I know it's you, Cash, but my God...you look amazing.”

I blushed again. Gah, why must I do that whenever someone pays me a compliment? “Uh..thank you?”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “It's Cathy now, right? I just came by to tell you how sorry I am. I've known Ray ever since we were kids. I turned a blind eye to his prejudice, but never in a million years did I think he'd try to shoot his own son...er...daughter.”

I sighed. “I could have done it better.”

“I bet! I saw what you did to his car...although he did have it coming! Anyways, once he told me everything, I finally had it. I told the old bastard he'd just thrown away the only people who would ever love him. And then I punched him.”

“Uncle Joe!” I gasped.

“I'm sorry Cathy, I should have done it years ago. When I realized how scared you kids were of him. But I let it slide, because you weren't my kids, and he was my friend.”

I stood up and hugged the older man. He stiffened a bit at first, but relaxed, and held me back. “I'm going to so get it from Alice when she finds out I was hugging a pretty young lady!”

I kissed him on the cheek. “Really?”

“Probably not. I'll understand if you don't drop by before you leave...but you're welcome. Always.”

It was all I could do not to cry. Life is strange like that, you never really know who your friends are until you need them.

-

After dinner, Steve and I went for a drive in the country. After I dropped off Greg's car, that is. Steve had a truck, of course, an '08 Silverado. It was nice, and I chuckled when I saw the American flag emblem painted on the hood. “Still a patriot, Steve?”

“Until the day I die. I may wonder if we're in the right, but I still love my home. It's easy to forget how much freedom we enjoy, when it seems like everyone, even our own government wants to take it away from us. But if we turn on our own country, it won't get any better.”

“When I was a kid, there was a young guy who painted a Confederate flag on his truck. My Dad broke his jaw and spent a night in jail for it. Two days later, someone stole that truck and it was never seen again.”

“They fished it out of the old quarry a few years back.” Steve chuckled.

“That's what bothers me about Dad. He could have been a good man. A better father.”

Steve reached over, never taking his eyes off the road, and placed his hand on mine, squeezing it. “It's not your fault, Cathy.”

I squeezed back. “Thank you, Steve. For everything.”

He pulled over on the side of the road and parked. Out here, so far from town, the night sky was lit up by countless stars, so many more than you could see in the city.

I looked at him. “Is this the part where we kiss?”

“I'd like that. A lot. I could fall in love with you, and you could make me the happiest man on the planet. But I couldn't do the same for you.”

“Steve...”

He shook his head. “You belong to the world. Someday soon, you're going to be out there, fighting for a better future against who knows what. Monsters. Aliens. Other metahumans. I'd just hold you back.”

“I...maybe I'd be happier that way?”

“No Cathy, you wouldn't. You're young again, you have a new life to live. And you can't be tied down. You're the Free Spirit, remember?”

I sighed. “I know. But part of me..wishes I could just enjoy my life. I got into this mess because I wanted not just to be a real woman, but to be able to have a child of my own one day.”

He leaned close to me. God, he's so handsome! My heart actually skipped a beat, or at least, I think it did. “And you will. I know that. But you have to make the world better first.”

“Kiss me. Please.”

He did, and it sent electrical impulses down my spine, and I wanted him very much. I told him so. Half an hour later, I was laying on a blanket in a meadow, and I had sex with a man for the very first time. And lost my virginity as a woman.

I can still feel the warmth of his body, the strength of his hands, his gentle touch, when I close my eyes. Letting go of him was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but he was right. I wasn't ready for this. Steve said it best himself.

“To stay with me, you'd have to change. Change who you are. And I don't know that I'd love that new person the same way.”

-

I stayed in town three more days. I did go to see Joe and Alice. And even visited my Mom at her work. She held me tightly and cried, begging me to forgive her for being such a fool. Which I did, once she agreed to forgive me. I promised to stay in touch; our relationship was fragile, but with luck, it would survive.

And I saw Steve a lot during those few days. And he made love to me more than once. I'm still not sure how I feel about my sexuality, but I know this much; with Steve Rogers, it doesn't matter. He's just that good of a lover.

I prayed someone right for him would come along. Because right now, I wasn't.

Which is why I'm on the road again, heading north. Steve had given me the address of someone who he thought could train me to fight. He'd given up on being a soldier, for the most part, but he had a friend who hadn't.

Which is why I had come to Detroit.

-

I rang the doorbell. The warehouse was old and dingy, and all the windows were boarded over. A single bulb lit the area near the door, which was reinforced. It opened, and a tall, powerful-looking man stood there, as if challenging me. He had blonde hair, and was handsome, a lot like Steve.

But where the resemblance ended was his utter lack of warmth. He was made of ice and steel, a man made hard by the life he lived. “What do you want?” He sneered.

I looked him right in the eyes. “Steve Rogers said you could teach me to fight.”

There was a flicker of humanity in his eyes. “How's he doing?”

“Still a cop. They're talking about making him Sheriff.”

The man actually cracked a smile. “Best idea that podunk town ever had. Well, Steve's never wasted my time before, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Come on in.”

He led me into the warehouse. A good chunk of it was devoted to what looked like a cross between a boxing gym and an obstacle course, complete with some impressive exercise equipment. I saw an actual Army-issue Humvee parked next to a black GTO, and stairs leading up to what I assumed were living quarters.

Not to mention the firing range, which included, of all things, archery targets! Who was this guy?!

Just then, he grabbed me by the arm, no doubt intending to throw me. I managed to brace myself in time, and he actually grunted as he failed to move me an inch.

His eyes narrowed, then he smiled again. “Sorry, I had to see for myself what Steve had sent me.”

I smiled back. “I understand. Which is the only reason I haven't thrown you through the damn wall.”

He snorted, then tried to move me again. His eyes widened. “Uh...you're not joking, are you?”

I shook my head.

“Huh. Well.” He smirked. “I guess I can help you then.” He handed me some keys. “Bring the van in. For the duration, you'll live here. You'll do what I say, when I say it. Can you handle that, soldier?”

“Yessir.”

“Belay that noise! I'm Clint Barton, but my friends...and friends of my friends...call me Hawkeye.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Last of the Mohicans?”

“Nah, actually my Grandfather started calling me that when I was a kid. He was a big fan of M.A.S.H.. It kind of stuck. But I am a pretty good shot with a bow. And other things.”

I unslung the shield from my back and removed the tarp covering it. “How about this?”

He took it carefully, flipped it in his hands. “Hm.” Without warning, he half turned and spun the shield towards one of the archery targets on the far end of the warehouse. It damn near broke the target in half!

“Not much accuracy to speak of. But I think we can improve on that. Metahuman, huh?”

I nodded.

“But you're not running around in spandex just yet. Guess you want to be ready first. That says a lot about you. Don't get me wrong, I don't think badly of these new heroes. It's about time people started stepping up and fighting for what matters. But you don't want to fuck this up. You want to do it right.”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Good. Then we should get along just fine.”

And that's how I became Hawkeye's newest student. Well, actually, there were only two of us, at the moment. Me and another girl, a younger teen named Kate Bishop. She was kind of surly, and I don't think she liked me at all.

I could deal with that.

To be continued!