David buries his wife after she loses her fight against cancer. He is nearly 50, and their children are now grown up, so he breaks the news that he is going to undertake that which he wanted to do for as long as he could remember — a sex change. He had struggled with his transsexuality all his life, but his love for his wife and respect for her meant he just played the hand that he had been dealt, up to now, that is.

Meanwhile, in the USA, grizzled Police Chief John Collingwood comes to near breaking point. Stressed from his job, his grief over his dead wife, and the despair of near alcoholism, he embarks on a trip to the UK with his brother to seek out his family tree.

Two very different people find a very different future, they also find each other...

but will it work?

---

Tanya has a new website where she will display her latest works first and then to BigCloset TopShelf a few weeks later is here at Tanya Allan's Tales .
Tanya's Book Shop where she is selling her works in book form is at http://tanyaallan.authorshaunt.com/shop.php . Please Visit!

---

 
The Legal Stuff: A Girl Can But Dream  © 2006,2009,2010 Tanya Allan
 
This work is the property of the author, and the author retains full copyright, in relation to printed material, whether on paper or electronically. Any adaptation of the whole or part of the material for broadcast by radio, TV, or for stage plays or film, is the right of the author unless negotiated through legal contract. Permission is granted for it to be copied and read by individuals, and for no other purpose. Any commercial use by anyone other than the author is strictly prohibited, and may only be posted to free sites with the express permission of the author.
 
This work is fictitious, and any similarities to any persons, alive or dead, are purely coincidental. Mention is made of persons in public life only for the purposes of realism, and for that reason alone. Certain licence is taken in respect of medical procedures, terms and conditions, and the author does not claim to be the fount of all knowledge.
 
The author accepts the right of the individual to hold his/her (or whatever) own political, religious and social views, and there is no intention to deliberately offend anyone. If you wish to take offence, that is your problem.
 
This is only a story, and it contains adult material, which includes sex and intimate descriptive details pertaining to genitalia. If this is likely to offend, then don’t read it.
 
Please enjoy.
Tanya
 
 

 
 
 
Chapter 7
 
 
Dee
 
I was in heaven!

My dream had become a reality. Not only did he tell me that he didn’t care about what I had been, but it was almost word for word from my journal. I thought at first he was just being kind, but after we made love when my alarm went off, I knew that he would have to be the kindest man in the world to make love four times and then come riding with me.

Ed saw us both coming out of the same room and his eyes said it all. After I cooked them both a decent breakfast, and we’d waved Ed off in the hire car, John and I went to the stables again. We spent the morning exploring the local countryside on horseback. The weather looked as if it could go either way, but at about ten, the clouds cleared and the sun came out.

We were back home by eleven-thirty. I can’t remember feeling quite so elated over life, ever. There were times when I remembered feeling close to what I felt now, such as the birth of our children, and many moments within our marriage. The feeling of total contentment I now experienced came from deep within the centre of my being. At its core was the fact that I was a woman, so everything, for the first time in my life, seemed to hinge of that one piece of perfection.

I kept having to mentally pinch myself, as I was not only in love with a wonderful man, but he loved me back, in the full knowledge of my past, and despite it. In all my dreams of what life could possibly have in store for me, I never dared hope that this would be a possible scenario, and certainly not within such a short space of time.
 
 
It was a glorious day, which just added to my feeling of euphoria. We went upstairs, and I was changing out of my riding clothes when he came at me from behind. He made love to me as I was undressing, I had never experienced sex from behind and I found it incredibly erotic! There was something animalistic about it, as with the smell of the horses mingled with our own sweaty bodies - I admit that I became rather passionate.

Having achieved a near- orgasm in this position, I slipped out of his clutches, pushed him onto his back and I mounted him. I let him slide back inside me again, with me on top. I rode him very hard and I was much happier seeing him face to face. He was able to kiss and play with my breasts, and I lost myself in the wonder of the moment.

Finally, he arched his back, almost throwing me off as he came. I fancied I felt his semen spurting inside me. I think that I came with him, and we just held one another as we relaxed. After many minutes, we went and showered. I just wanted him to hold me all day. I felt so safe and warm when he held me.

"Now what are we going to do?" I asked, as we dried each other off.

He smiled, "To be honest, I don’t really care, as long as we're together," he said.

"We could go to the beach for a picnic," I suggested, which he thought that was a fine idea.
 
 
The days flew past. Each was better than the last, as John and I grew together in a very deep and loving way. I was conscious that he kept comparing me to Sally, even though he told me he wasn’t. In that respect, I was fortunate, as the difference in my circumstances were so great to make it all new and fresh for me. We also talked about those things I never dreamed I would talk about. Although he didn’t want to know much about my previous existence, he was a pragmatist, realising the potential problems should my past become known. He wanted to know, while at the same time didn't. I understood completely.

We talked through how he felt about me, and how I felt about myself. He was having difficulty coming to terms with who I had been, but had no difficulty with who I was now. I was content to have a man love me for a short time. If he was going to walk out of my life, then I was content, for he had given me more than I ever expected!

However, with only a few days to go, we were lying in bed one morning, having made slow and very sensuous love. Enjoying the sun stream through the window, as we just enjoyed that feeling of relaxed euphoria in each other’s arms.

He turned to me and stroked my shoulder.

"Dee?"

"Hmm?"

"Come back with me."

"I’d love to."

"No, I mean it. Fly back with me when I go."

"I can’t, I have a meeting with my publisher, and there is the exhibition of paintings."

"I just want you with me."

"So do I, but life goes on."

"Look, I could take another week off!"

"And then we’d just face the same problem in a week’s time."

He was quiet for a while. "You’d love the ranch."

"I’m sure I would, so I will come as soon as I can."

"I don’t want this vacation to end."

"All good things come to an end, eventually."

He fell silent again. In my philosophical way I sensed I had touched a nerve, and guessed why. We'd both experienced the end of something wonderful, a fact that neither of us could or would forget.

"Sally said that didn’t she?" I asked and he nodded.

"I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me," I said.

"Don’t be silly, you're one of the most sensitive people I've ever met. I was just reflecting, this is the first time I've thought of Sal in over four days."

"Is that good?"

"I guess. Not so much good, as encouraging. I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t go through a day without thinking about her for most of the time. Work helped, as when I was busy I managed to go longer, but every thought brought home the pain of loss."

I gave him a squeeze.

"I was the same, but somehow, I sense she is happy for me now," I said.

"I don’t want to lose you," he said.

"Why should you?"

"I don’t know, it’s just a heck of a long way across the Atlantic Ocean."

It was my time to fall silent. I realised that the publisher could be put off, and I didn’t actually have to be around for the exhibition, as they already had the items to exhibit. I formed a germ of an idea and smiled.

"So, when is your brother picking you up?"

"He said he would be here the day after tomorrow at about five. We’ll spend the following day with you, and then off the next day. We’re booked on the midday flight from Heathrow Terminal Three on a United Airlines flight. So how long will it take to get to Heathrow from here?"

"You want to leave at about seven in the morning, give yourself two hours to get there, with a bit for bad traffic, so then you’ll have plenty of time to relax before the flight."

"Well, that’s when we’ll go."

I was quiet, but my mind was very busy. He took it that I was sad and gave me a cuddle.

"Hey, just come on out as soon as you can."

"Oh, I will, I certainly will."
 
 
We spent the day quietly at home. He helped me with some odd jobs. I watched him as he replaced some fencing down in the long grass by the gate to the meadow. He saw me looking at him, and he stopped and smiled.

"Okay, what are you thinking?" he asked.

"I’ll miss you. I’ve got used to having you around."

"I like being around you."

"Thank you for being here. I don’t remember ever being quite so happy."

He put down the sledgehammer and came over to me, wrapping his large arms around me. He smelled of sweat and power. It was faintly erotic.

"When I came to your country, I was on the verge of alcoholism and a breakdown. I was miserable and like a bear with a sore head. Now, I'm like a kid again, in love with a beautiful girl."

"Hardly a girl."

"Don’t fool yourself. Age is not an issue here. You’re a girl and I’m a boy, so forget the wrinkles and aching joints."

I laughed and he kissed me. I ached just then, but not my joints. My soul ached, as I just wanted him so much. He seemed to sense it, so before I knew what happened, we were lying in the long grass and my dress was off. He made such wonderful love to me that I felt that I wanted to die. I knew that life could only get worse, so if I died now, then I wouldn’t have to go through the pains of old age, bereavement and death.

We lay naked in the grass, with the smell of summer all around us. The insects were chattering and the birds were singing.

"Marry me, Dee?" he said, completely out of the blue. It was so unexpected that I started to cry.

"If only I could," I said. "It's against the law in this country for transsexuals to marry."

"Then marry me in the States, it's legal in some states."

"I’d love to, but I'm conscious of the potential scandal for you if my past got out."

"Dee, I don’t care; if you don’t."

"It wouldn’t do your public credibility any good."

"You can shove my public credibility. I want you for my wife!"

"Oh John!" I wept as the emotion just became too much.

"Dee, please?"

"On one condition."

"Go on."

"We wait until after you retire as Chief of Police."

"Is that really what you want?"

"No, but I can’t damage you then."

"So it makes a difference being my mistress or fiancé, does it?" he observed, laughing at my naivety.

I could no longer find an argument, so was quiet.

"Dee?"

"Of course I’ll marry you. But I just want what is best for you."

"Having you as my wife is the best for me," he said with a grin.

"But, John, if the press get hold of it, your life could be made a living hell."

"Then we don’t tell anyone."

"You know that these things always get out."

"Why should it? Unless we want them to know?"

"Well, if you are sure?"

"I've never been as sure of anything in my life. Look, honey, don’t see you as anything other than a beautiful woman, whom I love dearly. Okay, had I known about your past before I got to know you things may have been different, but I doubt it. I fell in love with the woman I see, so then will everyone else. It's not like we're in the flush of youth, or in the public eye. Hell, you've a grandkid, for Pete's sakes!"

We left it at that, I agreed to be his wife, but we set no time schedule to it. We both had things to sort out, so we both knew that if the time we spent apart changed things then neither of us had lost anything. I wanted to be his wife more than anything else, but I was still terrified of bringing any embarrassment or scandal on him. I also had got used to the peace and security of being me in a very quiet neck of the woods, so I was a little apprehensive at change.

Although the prospect of his departure threatened to cast a small shadow over everything, we didn’t have time to let it bother us. Sarah phoned and asked if I minded if she came down for a couple of days, as she was on her own again. Charles was in Brussels at another conference, and Amy was draining the poor girl.

She sounded tired on the phone, so I didn’t even try to explain about my change in circumstances.

"Of course, darling, come down for a couple of days. You know I’m always happy to see my granddaughter."

"Thanks, I just need some space. I’ll be there for lunch."

John looked at me.

"Didn’t you tell her?"

"I didn’t have the words. It’ll be better in person," I said, willing it would be so,

Sarah arrived in time for lunch, so I went out to the car as she pulled onto the gravel. I hadn’t seen little Amy for a few weeks, and she had grown even in that short length of time. I took her from Sarah, and the little girl gave me an enormous smile.

John came out and watched from a few yards away. Sarah looked at him and then at me, one eyebrow arched.

"Heck, there’s no doubt who’s daughter you are!" said John.

"Sarah, this is John Collingwood. John has been staying with me for a couple of weeks. John, this is my daughter, Sarah, and granddaughter, Amy."

"Hello Sarah. It is real nice to meet you at last, your M…, Dee has told me so much about you," John said. Sarah smiled, giving me another strange look.

"Sarah, let’s go inside. I’ve actually got quite a bit to talk to you about," I said, so we went into the sitting room.

"Do you want me, as well?" John asked.

As I took his hand, I thought that Sarah’s eyebrows were about to take off!

"Of course, my love, I think it best you stay," I said.

"Look, why don’t I put a kettle on and then come back in a couple of minutes?" he said, leaving us alone.

I turned to Sarah. "Sarah, John has asked me to marry him, and I agreed."

She stared at me, blinking once, and then looked at the kitchen door.

"Ah, um, are you sure this is, ah, wise?" she asked. "I mean, have you thought this thing through?"

I smiled and shook my head.

"No, it isn’t wise, but I love the man, so I’m about as sure as I can be that he loves me."

"What about,… you know?"

"You mean who I was?"

She nodded.

"He knows."

"You told him? When?"

"After we’d made love the first time. I couldn’t keep it from him after that, could I?"

Sarah’s jaw dropped.

"You…and him…you’ve, ..you know, …done it?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Shit, Dee, that was quick!"

"Oh, and just how long was I supposed to wait? At my age, eligible men don’t come past my gate every week!"

I told her how we’d met, with a short history of our time together. She ended up smiling, with a tear in her eye.

"Oh, Dee, it is so you! You must be one of the most romantic people I know," she said, and was giving me a hug as John came back.

"Is it safe?" he asked with a smile.

Sarah stood up and gave him a hug too.

"Congratulations, you're absolutely mad, both of you. You realise that, don’t you?" she said.

John looked at me and smiled.

"Yeah, but, hey, you only live once!"

We enjoyed being together and spent a very lovely day being incredibly domesticated. John barbequed some steaks for lunch, as he told us that he wanted to show us how to eat properly. I looked after little Amy while Sarah relaxed and grilled my future husband about his prospects and intentions!
 
 
The next day he wanted to buy some gifts for the folks back home, and he said he needed a haircut. I didn’t see it, as his hair was pretty short in any case, but we drove into Swanage for him to achieve his set objectives.

While he was in the barbers, Sarah and I popped into the travel agent. I enquired about any flights to Phoenix on the following day, and discovered that a BA flight took off from Heathrow Terminal Four an hour before John’s United Airlines one. (Terminal Five was still being built) Pausing for only a second, I booked a first class seat on the BA flight, on an open-ended ticket, paying by credit card. Such is the system of ticketless flights, I was told that the ticket would be waiting for me at the check in. I was then asked if I needed a hire car, so I smiled and said that I didn’t.

Sarah thought it was typical of me, the last romantic, and chuckled dreadfully when we went to meet up with John again.

"Stop it, as you’ll give the game away!" I told her, so she reduced the chuckle to a permanent grin.

I met John as he came out of the barbers, having to fight hard to stop grinning inanely as well. We wandered around the shops, where he bought various terrible presents for people. The sort of things that you don’t think anyone would ever buy because no one in their right minds would ever have the courage or stupidity to display them for anyone to see.

I had to pop to the bank, so was able to buy some US Dollars. I thought that the credit cards would be fine for most things, but a little cash would come in handy.

We had lunch on the beach, just some fish and chips from the paper, and an ice cream. We paddled in the water, which was chilling off as September was coming to a close. Sarah sat on the wall, watching John and I hold Amy just so she could dabble her toes in the water. She loved it and kicked her legs, squealing with delight.

As we walked back through the town to the car, we passed a little jeweller’s shop. He stopped and pointed to a lovely little ring. It was a diamond surrounded in sapphires on a white gold mount.

"Do you like that?" he asked.

"It’s very pretty."

He led me into the shop and asked to see it. The assistant took it from the window and gave it to John. He took it, examined it closely, then he took my left hand and slipped it onto my ring finger. I had taken my old wedding ring off now, as it didn’t seem right anymore.

It fitted, so he smiled. "I’d like to have given you the one that I gave Sally, but somehow I feel we should start afresh. Now you gotta marry me," he said.

He paid the assistant, while I found myself on the verge of tears again. Silently I cursed the new hormones I had in my body. I had an implant in my thigh, which released the correct levels of oestrogen into my system over a six-month period. I blamed my emotional state squarely on them.

I kissed him and we left, with his arm around my shoulders. I felt about sixteen. I had thought yesterday that I could never be so happy, but I had been mistaken. Sarah had a silly smile on her face, which, I think, mirrored mine.

Sarah gave Amy her last feed and we put her to bed. We had a lovely evening in. I cooked crepes, with a savoury filling for entree, and with maple syrup and cream for dessert.

Sarah went to bed early, so John and I curled up on the sofa watching some inane movie.
 
 
The next morning saw John and I off riding early again. Sarah was up with the baby, and seemed content flopping about in her dressing gown. The weather was cooler, so we rode hard. It was a crisp clear morning, as autumn was approaching now. The views were amazing, so as we paused at the top of the hill, the world seemed to belong to us.

After our shower, John and I took Amy for a drive, allowing Sarah to have a stress free morning. She went back to bed, while we went to Wareham.

It felt odd pushing a pushchair again. Particularly as this time, I was the woman, and my new love was this handsome man beside me. We stopped at a café and had some coffee. The lady who served us smiled indulgently at the baby.

"She’s lovely. Yours?" she asked, to which I laughed.

"Heavens, no, my daughter’s, but thanks for thinking she could be!" I said.

We ordered our coffees, and John was smiling at me.

"You look young enough!" he said.

"Not you too?" I said, but was so pleased.
 
 
I drove back to the house, with Ed arrived shortly after we did. He became aware that his brother had changed since he had last seen him, so John told him that we were engaged. He was shocked at the speed at which events had occurred, but he seemed genuinely pleased that he had at last found someone to share his life.

I introduced Sarah to Ed, and put together a light lunch.

"You look just like your mom," Ed said to Sarah.

"Thanks, everyone says that," she replied and looked at me, as if to say, ‘so, you never told the brother, then?’

We went out for a final meal at the pub, and had an early bed. Neither of us slept much. John was feeling sad that he was leaving, and I was excited at the prospect of surprising him at Phoenix Airport. Our lovemaking was almost desperate and our passion was matched by our profound and deep love.

We clung to each other for a long time and fell asleep in each other’s arms. Although, as usual, we ended up on opposite sides of the bed and not touching at all.
 
 
My alarm went off at six. I was up and downstairs cooking breakfast for the boys while John packed. Sarah appeared, having been woken by Amy.

"So, do you want me to lock up after you’ve gone, or what?" she asked.

"Could you? That would be super."

"How long are you going for?"

"I haven’t a clue. It may all turn into a disaster, so I could well be back on the first flight home."

She smiled. "No. I suspect that you've found the one in a million there. He adores you. Don’t you realise how special he is? With all your baggage, he still worships the ground you walk on. Dee, you have no idea how rare someone like that is!"

I smiled, giving her a hug.

"Oh, Sarah, I know exactly how special he is. But, there are his daughters, his mother and everything else to take into account."

Our conversation ended as the brothers appeared.
 
 
The mood was sombre, so I dressed and packed as they ate breakfast. I had managed to pack most of my stuff the previous evening, when Ed was showing his brother the photographs of this time in Wales.

We had a rather sad farewell, as I tried to look as miserable as I could. I even managed to squeeze a tear out just for good measure. I waved them off, just as my taxi arrived to take me to Heathrow too. I raced against the clock to get my stuff into the taxi and on the road myself. I had phoned my publisher, so that meeting was on hold. The gallery understood that I had family crisis, so would not be present at the exhibition. I think they were quite pleased, as clucking artists must be the bane of their lives.

We overtook them long before we got to Ringwood, reaching Heathrow in good time. I was flying from a different Terminal, so we would not meet. My flight took off just as John and Ed were probably going to the departure gate. I settled down and relaxed, with a huge smile firmly fixed on my face.

I had flown a lot as David, but never as Dee, but found myself enjoying the flight immensely. The prospect of standing at the arrivals channel as John walked through made me stupidly giddy with excitement. I could not stop grinning. There was a suited businessman in the seat next to me. He introduced himself as Archie McRae from Edinburgh. He had no discernable Scottish accent, and told me that he was in the oil business.

We chatted generally about things, and he noticed my ring. I explained I was flying in to Phoenix as my fiancé was from Arizona. I explained that our previous spouses had died of cancer, so it was our second time around for each of us.

He was actually charming and good company. His wife was back in Edinburgh and his children were in their late teens, so were still at home. He was looking forward to his retirement when they could enjoy each other’s company.

"What happens if something happens to either of you now?"

He was quiet for a while.

"I hadn’t considered that. I suppose one thinks that it will never happen to you, doesn’t one?"

"It happened to me, and to John. We are both determined that we are going to spend as much time as possible with each other from now on," I said.

He looked quite thoughtful and then smiled.

"I think I may seriously reconsider my future plans, there is no point working your balls off, if you never get to appreciate the best things in life. And they can’t be bought!"

I laughed and agreed, telling him about my plans to surprise John. He thought that it was a wonderfully romantic thing to do, and wished me well.

It was two o’clock in the afternoon when the flight landed. I took my time and approached the U.S. Immigration desk a little nervously. But I needn’t have worried, I must have looked a safe bet, as I was asked the minimum of questions, and was permitted to pass through to collect my case.

I wandered through onto the arrival’s concourse, checking on the TV monitor to see that John’s flight was just landing. I stood by the rails about as excited as one could be. I saw that the monitor stated the baggage was in the hall, and my excitement built up to the point where I was ready to burst.
 
 
Finally, they came through. Ed was pushing the cart (we are in America now) and John was ambling along in that loose-limbed stride I had come to love so much.

Ed walked straight past me, without a glance. John looked at me, looked away and then back again.

His eyes opened wide and his mouth opened, but no sound came out.

"Hi honey. Remember me?" I said, in a poor attempt at an American accent.
 
 
Chapter 8
 
 
John
 
They tell me that I'm a difficult guy to surprise. Well, when I came through the arrivals door and saw Dee standing there, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I was feeling really down at that moment. The flight had been long and dreary and I missed Dee a lot. The prospect of going back to the ranch full of memories did not fill me with enthusiasm, and neither was I even particularly keen to go back to work. In fact, I seriously thought about booking on the return flight to England!

Ed just walked on by, as he didn’t even see her. I saw her, but discounted what my eyes had seen as being wishful thinking, but then had to look back to check.

She was wearing that pretty, floral dress that I liked so much, showing her tanned shoulders and arms. She had that wide brimmed white hat on, with the pale high-heeled sandals, showing off those amazing legs of hers. I saw her suitcase by her, and worked out that she must have got a slightly earlier flight. She looked stunning and every inch the lady she was.

But when she said, "Hi honey. Remember me?" My heart lurched, and I realised that I had been right. This woman meant the world to me.

I swept her off her feet and we were both laughing and crying at the same time. We were getting some funny looks from everyone else, but I couldn’t give a damn. Ed stopped saw us, shaking his head in wonder, a huge grin spreading across his face.
 
 
We went out to the parking lot and said goodbye to an incredulous Ed. I put our cases into the pickup. She slid in next to me and I drove out onto the highway.

"Ed will be telling our sister Pam all about you already," I said.

"I don’t care. I just couldn’t face life without you," she said, snuggling close to me.

I felt as if I had just won the state lottery. I couldn’t stop grinning, and when I looked at her, she was the same.

"Hell, I love you, Dee," I said.

"That’s a good thing," she said in that wonderful English accent, and I laughed. I was just glad to be alive.

It was a two-hour drive to Midhurst, so I pointed stuff out to her as we travelled along. But she just sat with her head against my shoulder, smiling at me. Somehow it didn’t matter what passed us by, we were just happy we were together.

I had to drive through the town to get to the ranch, so she told me that she was interested to see the place.

"Shall we stop for a coffee or something?" I asked, as it was six pm.

She just smiled. "Whatever you want. I’m in your world now," she said.

I parked out front of Wendy’s and went in, sitting down next to each other in a booth.

Jean, the waitress, came over and seemed pleased to see me. The last time I had seen her was the day of the siege, when I had affected her release prior to taking down young Luke.

"Hi Chief, good to see ya back. Did you have a nice vacation?" she said.

"I had a wonderful time, thanks, Jean. This here is Dee, she’s from England. We’ll be getting’ married sometime soon," I explained.

Her reaction was a joy to behold. She stared at me, then at Dee and then back at me again.

"You’all getting married?" she asked, incredulity creeping into her voice.

Dee waved her left hand at her, so Jean stared at the ring.

"Well, I’ll be….," she said, a smile breaking across her face.

"Can we get something to drink, or what?" I asked.

She gave us the menus, and shot off to the kitchen. I knew that I didn’t have to tell anyone else, the whole town would know by sunset.

Dee was smiling.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing, I am just so pleased to be here."

"It’s a small town and word gets around real quick," I explained.

"I come from a village, so I know how things work," she said, taking my hand.

Jean brought us some iced water and took out her pad to take our order. We didn’t want anything to eat, just some iced tea.

As we sat, I saw a police cruiser pull up and Pete got out. I smiled, as the jungle drums must have been working overtime. He saw me and waved, and then he came into the diner.

"Hi Jean, just a black coffee, please, honey," he said as he came over to our booth. He looked at Dee and then at me.

"Hey John, I heard you were back, and am I to understand the message correctly?"

"Pete, this is Deborah Cartwright, Dee to her friends. Dee this is my friend and colleague Peter Collins. Pete, Dee and I will be getting married, so I’ll be needing your services as best man, again."

Pete shook Dee’s hand, sitting opposite us in the booth. He had a huge grin on his face.

"Million to one, hey, I wish I had put a bet on with those odds," he said, as I remembered one of the last conversations we had before I left for England.

Jean brought over his coffee, while Pete brought me up to date with events in town. Nothing had really happened, so I believed that the time was right to retire. I noticed he could not stop looking at Dee, and he just kept smiling.

"You’ll have to come over for dinner, this week, I can’t wait for you to meet Ellen," he said to her.

"I’d like that," she replied.

"At some point, I have to tell the girls," I said.

"Don’t they know yet?" Pete asked, a little surprised.

"Heck, Pete, we only got engaged a two days ago, and we flew in a couple of hours ago. Give me a chance," I said.

"Well, enough people were hoping something like this would happen, but very few of us expected it. Particularly to someone as beautiful as Dee here," he said, as Dee blushed.

I noticed that there were an awful lot of police officers who were just happening to be passing the diner, and Dee smiled at me.

"What did you expect?" she said and I laughed. I knew that it was probably better this way.

Pete asked me about the vacation, so I told him how Dee and I had met, on that first day. As I recounted the events that had passed, I began to realise just how low I had gotten. Over the three weeks, Dee and I had helped each other find a place where we could hold our heads up and be part of the human race again. I looked at her and she held my hand tightly under the table. I was aware just how hard this was for her, particularly in such a strange place. She looked so serene and calm, but I knew that underneath she was going through all her worries over who she was.

I told Pete how Dee had looked after us in England, and then how she had surprised me at arrivals in Phoenix.

I remembered the visit to the police station and dug out Inspector Caroline Mercer’s card.

"Pete. Could you dig out some patches for this lady, and stick a ‘with compliments of the Chief’ slip in the mail to her?"

He looked at it. "Sure, what was that about?"

Dee told him, in exaggerated and graphic details about how I had assisted the young constable in his moment of need.

Pete smiled and shook his head.

"Always gotta be the hero, John!" he said, chuckling as he slipped the card into his shirt pocket.

I realised that we had been travelling for fourteen hours, so I wanted to get Dee home. I told him we had better get on out to the ranch. We said goodbye and hit the trail again.

"Pete seems a nice guy," she said, as we set off once more.

"Yeah, he and Ellen have been good friends to me. Particularly through the illness and after Sal died. I was pretty shitty for a while. The booze nearly got the better of me."
 
 
I drove the pick up out of town, and we hit open country immediately. Dee was looking out the window at the passing the scenery, which was very different to the lush green of England.

"I can’t get over the huge expanses of nothing," she remarked.

I just smiled. I looked at her profile, and once again tried to imagine her as a male. I couldn’t! Everything about her was so perfectly feminine, from her gestures, the way she moved, her speech and her looks. She was just lovely, and I realised that I loved her deeply. I was just so pleased she had flown out to be with me. She turned and caught me looking at her. She smiled, reaching out to me with her hand.

"I am sorry to have intruded into your life," she said.

"Don’t be. I was just thinking how pleased I was that you were with me."

"But, I’m a potential problem for you, as well."

"Problems like you I can have every day," I said and grinned.

It had just gone seven when I parked the pickup by the front door. José appeared as I opened Dee’s door for her.

"Seá±or John. Welcome home," the old man said.

"Hi there, José. How’s everything been?"

"Everything is fine, seá±or," he said looking at Dee with a smile on his face.

"Dee, honey, this is José, my right hand here. Jose looks after the horses, while his wife looks after the house. José, this is Dee, she and I are getting married."

"Married, seá±or?"

"Yup," I said, staring straight at Dee. "So we’ll be two for dinner from now on."

José’s smile said it all, as he dashed off shouting for his wife.

I got the bags out of the back of the truck and, taking her arm, led her into our home. This was the hardest thing, as I felt Sally was watching us.

I looked at the house differently today. I actually tried to imagine how Dee would see it, comparing it to her cosy little English cottage.

Set out on one floor, with a huge basement below, the house was spread out over a large area. I liked big rooms, so all the rooms were large, with big windows.
 
 
Sally and I liked the scenery out here, so every room had a superb view, the living room particularly. It was rectangular, with a dining area to the left. I had steps down into the sitting area, with either polished wood or ceramic tile floors everywhere to keep things cool. It was light and airy, with Sally’s portrait hanging above the fireplace.

Dee stopped and looked at the portrait, as I found myself close to tears. Sally was smiling, but staring over my shoulder into the distance.

"She is very beautiful," Dee said. I noted she said, ‘she is, and not ‘was’.

"I think so," I said.

"She looks fun," she said, and that was it. The tears came, so she turned round to see them rolling down my cheeks.

"Oh, my God! Oh, John, I’m so sorry," she said, coming over to me and holding me close.

I had another ‘moment’, as she simply held me as I released another load of grief onto her.

I looked through my tears at the picture, but through the dampness, I swear I saw Sally wink at me!

It stopped me cold, and a shiver ran down my spine, so I shook it off and told myself I was seeing things.

It stopped me crying though.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I smiled and nodded.

"I thought this might happen," she said.

"Why?"

"I don’t know, I suppose I knew that it would be hard to introduce me to her,"

I looked at her, but realised that she had hit the nail on the head. That is exactly how I felt, and the remarkable thing was that I felt Sally approved.

I looked up at the portrait.

"Sally, meet Dee. Dee, this is Sally, I think you’d have liked each other," I said.

She smiled, staring up at Sally.

"Hi Sally. Thanks for having such a wonderful man. I'll try to look after him for you," she said, and I cried again. I kissed her, as she wiped my face with her hand.

"If it gets tough, please tell me," she said, so I nodded.

I showed her the huge bedroom, with her dressing room and the bathroom.

"My God, how many clothes did she have?" she asked, on seeing the vast wardrobe space.

"She never filled it, but it was always built in case."

"In case of what?"

I grinned and shrugged.

"I always reckon you need lots of storage space, so when we designed it, we took that into consideration."

She opened the cupboard and saw the rows of dresses, skirts and blouses.

"You couldn’t get rid of anything?"

I shook my head.

She turned and looked at me.

"This is something you have to come to terms with. I don’t want to step into her shoes, or dresses for that matter," she said with a small smile, "but, I will help you all I can. The past has to be dealt with. If we have a future, then it is the two of us. I’m not into threesomes."

"The girls came over and made me put the lot into bags to give away. But as soon as they left I took them all out and hung them up again," I admitted.

"Oh John, you aren’t a closet TV are you?" she said with a grin.

I smiled and shook my head. "Hell no! Besides, Sally wasn’t even as big as you. So there is no way that I could get into her stuff."

"I’m just teasing," she said, putting her hand on my arm.

"If there is anything there you’d like?" I said.

She looked at me. "Do you really want me to wear her clothes?"

I went to her jewellery box and brought it to her.

"She asked me to give you this, so I guess she didn’t mind."

Dee took the box with a frown, and opened it.

She sat on the bed, with tears rolling down her face. I sat next to her, so we simply held each other and cried.

"My God, John. This is hard enough for me. What it must be like for you?" she said.

"You have no idea."

"Oh, I think I do," she said, snuffling into a tissue.

I smiled. "Okay, maybe you do. But you're probably the only person who does."

"You’d be surprised how many people have to deal with death. It’s one of two certainties in life," she said.

"Yeah, I know — death and taxes!" I said and she smiled.

I looked at the rows of clothes and shoes.

"Will you help me?" I asked.

She smiled and kissed me.

"Of course. And if there is anything you feel she’d like me to have, then it would be an honour to wear it, but only occasionally," she said.
 
 
So, then and there, we found some large trash bags and took all Sally’s clothes from the racks and shelves to sort through them. It was the second time for me, so I cursed myself for being so stupid after the first time, because it was almost harder the second time.

Dee was very cool and calm, but was firm with me. In the end she kept just six items, and the rest she helped carry out to the pick up. Fortunately, she was slightly broader than Sally, so few of the items were her size. Her feet were bigger, so all Sally’s shoes went.

She was thorough and even went to the airing cupboard to seek out items of which I had no knowledge.

Finally, she declared that the job was done, placed her case in her dressing room, and hung up her few clothes in the vast, but now empty wardrobe.

I unpacked and discovered that Dee had washed all my dirty clothes prior to us leaving. I smiled and put things away. She kept surprising me.

The phone rang, so I answered the one by the bed. It was my sister Pamela.

"John! Ed has just called. Is it true?" she said.

"Is what true?" I asked, teasing her.

Dee came into the bedroom, came over and put her arms around me. I smiled.

"Oh, you can be so annoying at times. Ed told me that you met a beautiful English lady and you're planning to get married," Pam said.

"He did?"

"Are you?"

"Might be."

"John!"

I laughed. "Okay Pam. Yes, I met a beautiful English lady, and yes, we're planning on getting married. Okay?"

"Oh my God! How wonderful. What's she like?"

"Well, she's beautiful, about five seven, blonde, a couple of years younger than me, a widow with three grown up kids. She is an artist and writer, who adores riding, and is in my arms as we speak."

"You brought her back?"

"Nope! Didn’t Ed tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"We stayed with Dee in England, as she lives in the cottage that the guy Ed was trying to track down might have lived all those years ago. Anyway, we sort of fell in love, and then Ed and I left to come home. She raced us to the airport, booked herself on an earlier plane, and was waiting for me in Phoenix when I arrived. It was the most wonderful surprise I have ever had."

"Oh my God! How romantic! You must bring her over. Mom is dying to meet her. Hell, we’re all dying to meet her."

"Mom knows?"

"Yeah, Ed spoke to her first."

"Okay, look, don’t tell the girls, I want to do that myself. Okay?"

"Okay. John?"

"Yeah?"

"You have no idea how pleased we are."

"Oh, I have. I’m mighty pleased myself," I said, kissing Dee.

"I’ll let you get on. Mind you, there are few ladies who will be slightly put out that you've gone abroad for a bride."

"Too bad," I said, and we hung up.
 
 

*          *          *
 
End of Part 4
 
 
To Be Continued...