Over the last two weeks since they’ve let me sit outside, well, I would love to say they were a whirlwind of excitement and activity, but instead they were pretty much the same every day. Each morning I was measured, everyday there were a least two test procedures carried out, and still no answers. The only bright spot, and I do mean only, is that every couple of days I would bump into the hot teacher outside, and while he still gave me a lady boner as Jackie put it, the wetness was less intense now. But the throbbing, my god, that seemed to last for an hour afterwards.

Annette wanted me to talk about men and how I feel about them, but I really wasn't ready for that, just telling her that I was aware that some things had changed and I want to process it myself before we talk about it. Besides, they might suddenly find the cure and lady boners won’t be the boners I’m worried about, but at least those types of boners aren’t so obvious when they happen in public.

My lack of activity had been playing on my mind, so I started doing yoga in my room each morning after being measured. I had asked if I could use the staff gym, but they were quite reluctant to let me do too much just yet, so I looked on YouTube and found some videos and just did that instead. I was surprised I got a bit of sweat on from them, but probably more surprised about my flexibility. The later at least had a medical explanation in that everything had changed and was now younger and more supple, but I’m very close to doing the full box splits, just a couple of inches keeping me off the ground completely.

On the Thursday I was walking back into the ward ready for the evening meal and hoping to get a couple of minutes to change my underwear first thanks to the hot teacher making me laugh a little too much and my lady boner was in full flow, but Jackie waved to me and started heading for my room as well. She told me to sit down, the consultant is just doing some paperwork but wants to talk to me. I had a sudden fear attack and turned to face her, but she was trying very hard to suppress a smile.

I said, “What is it?”

She just shook her head, and I looked at her with as big eyes as I could and she laughed saying, “I’m a nurse, do you really think that look works on me?”

So instead I tried to use some guile to get her to talk, asking about her day, complementing her hair and manicure, but she kept smiling and shaking her head dropping in ‘you need to wait’, just to let me know she knew what I was doing.

God I hate her sometimes.

After about ten minutes, the consultant came in and said, “Hello Lew, how are you feeling today?”

Seriously, he’s seen me twice today already and asked that while taking blood and other samples both times! Doctors eh.

I said, “Well, the same as I was this morning, afternoon and yesterday, I guess.”

He smiles, mostly to himself. “Well, that’s certainly true. Did you know you haven’t grown in the last two weeks?”

I looked at him and then Jackie, who just nodded at me with a smile, and he went on, “Of course, we are nowhere nearer to any answers, so while it’s good news, you are still under observation and testing will continue for the foreseeable future as we have no idea if you have stabilised or not.”

My heart broke. Not only do they still not know if they can fix me, I’m still a virtual prisoner. In the sense of not being a prisoner and not being stupid enough to not listen to them.

He said, “But, I do appreciate you’ve been stuck here for a while and you need things. So as Jackie here isn’t working this weekend, she has volunteered to be with you when you go home and pick up what you need.”

I took a deep breath in excitement, thinking if nothing else I can actually visit my home, if not stay there overnight, pick up some things, put some washing on and so many other things to think about. He then got Jackie to talk through what I was allowed to do and not do, what times I was allowed out and so on so I could work out as many details as possible. But the next day I was making a long list of the things I needed to buy. I really needed some more clothes as the leggings I had were in danger of falling apart, more jumpers, maybe a jacket as sometimes I get cold outside, definitely some better fitting shoes.

That evening I ran a razor over myself to make sure I had no stubble on my legs, under my arms or down there, and struggled to get to sleep. It really was too exciting for me, but after my measurements in the morning, I was dressed and waiting at the pick up area for Jackie to arrive. I insisted on paying the cab fare when it dropped us off at my apartment building. Once we were in, I put the kettle on to make us both a cup of tea (Jackie picked up some milk on the way here), went into my bedroom and fell back on my bed.

If I hadn’t been so happy to be outside of hospital for just a few hours, I would have wrapped myself up in the duvet and slept. I could hear Jackie moving about in the kitchen and shortly she appeared at the door asking where the trash chute was and holding a bag of what must have been left in the fridge all this time. I had asked my solicitor to check the post once a week, but never thought to mention the fridge.

I helped her sort the mess out, and we sat and drank the tea while I tried to create a plan for the day, where to pick up what, and be in and out of each shop as quick as possible, suggesting a pub lunch before we went back. She had other ideas.

“Firstly, no to the pub. You can’t have alcohol, even your diet is being monitored carefully so I’ve put your approved lunch in your fridge for later. Secondly, I know you’re not happy about this, but we’re two women out shopping, we don’t do things hard and fast like men, we take our time and select what we want, not to mention what we will never wear just because the light in the changing room is flattering. Anyway, you have no idea of your sizes so you will have to try things on first, so there is no quick in and out as you hope.”

I knew she was right, but I couldn't help but sulk a little bit and was kinda hoping she would stop being a nurse for just a little bit, but not today. I was never left alone for a second, but one funny thing almost happened. When we stopped at the toilets I started to walk towards the wrong door, only to be pulled gently to the correct one. It was just habit really, I’ve been in that one enough times to just head for it, and at least in that one there isn’t a queue, no matter how short.

Back at my apartment I dropped off the things I had purchased, looking at my new girls clothes and wondering why women enjoy shopping so much. I also took my now clean clothes out the washing machine and put them in the dryer so once we finished lunch I would be good to go back and looked for a bag to take things back with me. Of course I had put all my bags on top of the wardrobe and couldn't reach them anymore, but could see inside and the one that Sarah had left behind.

It was a lot more feminine than any of mine, but I could reach it and looking like I did it was no big deal, so I grabbed it and looked inside. There wasn’t much in it, an old pair of trainers, a couple of sanitary pads, so I chucked the shoes aside and left the pads where they were. They might useful to me these days. I took out the jumpers I had picked up without trying on and Jackie walked in and asked me why I didn’t try them on in the shop.

“They’re jumpers, they will fit and be good enough”. She suggested I try the grey one on now, so I took off my hoody and picked it up, slipping it on and looked at her, saying, ‘see, it fits’.

She said, “You know you now own four dresses, right?”

I looked again and it was long, but I thought it was meant to be so I had a look in the mirror and it came down to about mid thigh. I looked back at her and started to say, “So what, it’s long so…”

But she jumped in saying, “It’s a dress. Take off your leggings and look again.”

So I pulled them down and looked in the mirror and yes, it was clearly a dress. I’m not only wearing a dress (it’s really comfortable by the way), I had also picked up three others like it.

She said, “Try it with your jacket.”

I put that on and looked again. I mean, what I saw shouldn’t have been a surprise, I’ve looked at myself enough in the mirror recently but what I saw looking back at me wasn’t what I expected. I said, “I look so young.”

Jackie gave me a reassuring smile and said, “Right now, yes. But not always, I mean you still look young, but sometimes you carry yourself like you’re older. Sometimes I forget there’s a man who just retired in there, other times it’s like why does this old man look so young?”

I looked at her and was about to say something but looked back at my reflection. For the immediate future I need to accept this, but then a thought occurred to me.

“Hey, guess what?” I asked her.

“I have to strip three or four times a day, if I wear this it will make my life a lot simpler.”

Jackie smiled and said, “Typical man, always trying to fix things when you can just let them resolve themselves.”

But it is a pain taking off the leggings and them turning inside out each time, if I wear this I can just pull it over my head and get on with my day. Ok, it might not save a huge amount of time, but it will make things easier. I’m not sure I could wear one outside the hospital just yet, but for practical reasons I will go this for now.

I joined Jackie in the living room and we sat down to drink our tea, and she said, “Oi! That’s not very ladylike.”

I had no idea what she was on about but she pointed at my legs and I looked down, confused even more. “Oh for christ sake! Keep your knees together.”

I started laughing, and closed my legs, but of course they kept coming apart, and Jackie would clap her hands together to indicate I needed to shut them, and that went on all while we drank tea and I had my pre-approved lunch, pointing out I’ve been eating from the hospital shop for a few days now without them noticing.

She said, “We know, we’ve literally been checking your blood and everything for weeks, but out here right now we do need to be careful and if you can’t keep your legs shut I have another idea to help you learn.”

I snapped them shut and asked what her what she meant.

“Ok, stand up, and take the dress off.”

So I did just that, standing there in my underwear and she said, “Ok, now drop them and put the dress back on.”

I said, “What on earth are you on about?”

“Take your knickers off, then put the dress back on and see how long it takes you to know you need to keep your knees together.”

I gave her a look and picked up my dress, saying, “You know, I could have taken them off and left the dress on.”

She laughed, telling me she knew that perfectly well, but wanted to teach me a lesson in that if I’m going to flash, I may as well do it properly. I picked up a cushion and threw it at her, putting the dress back on and pulling my underpants off, dropping them on the floor and said, “I really don’t see what difference this will make.”

And I sat down and instantly got her point, even though I was controlling my movements my knees were still a little bit apart, and even though she’s seen me naked loads of times, I was still very aware of being almost on display.

“Ok, point taken.”

And my knees stayed together, but I wasn’t prepared to wear the dress back to the hospital, going back in my leggings with my clean clothes, new clothes and dresses in the bag. Once back in my room, it felt a little less like a prison, I felt a little less claustrophobic in there, and looking out the window at the park I felt I had a strong case for them letting me walk out there once a day soon.

The following day after all my daily measurements, I looked at the grey dress and decided to go with that, getting some compliments from a couple of the nurses which made me feel quite nice to be honest. When I was walking back from a morning examination, I made a mental note to get a small bag so I could at least carry some things, mainly my phone and some money. But in the afternoon I decided to go without my knickers as while I was waiting this morning I did find myself manspreading for a moment.

And while sitting there waiting in the afternoon with no panties on, I was also aware of how I was sitting, not just my legs being together but I was sitting more upright, unconsciously trying to do whatever I could to stop anyone looking up there, even crossing my legs and keeping my hands in my lap. When I told Annette a couple of hours later (who told me her daughter has a similar dress), she said while she didn’t approve of going commando, she understood the reasons for why.

I said, “There’s another advantage, wearing this makes my life a bit simpler when getting underdressed all the time, and I’m thinking during the day I’m going without all underwear, no bra, no panties, just because it’s so annoying putting them on and taking them off all the time.”

“Well, I hope you won’t go outside like that?” She was smiling as she said it, but also pointed out that some of my complaints about wearing bras are the same ones her daughters had when they started wearing them.

“But that’s the thing, they expected to wear them, I never expected any of this.”

She sat next to me on the bed and said, “I know, and you might not think it but you’re doing really well. This can’t be easy.”

Without even thinking I rested my head on her shoulder and said thanks once again. After she left I did get changed back into leggings and hoody and went out for a cigarette and a coffee, seeing my hot teacher friend. He stills gives me a lady boner, but our conversation which started as just being cordial, have moved on quite a bit.

He teaches Biology, which of course is suddenly interesting to me, but we talked about so much more, films, books, a surprising amount of history, some of the places we’ve both been, how we both love the National Gallery in London, not to mention Tate Modern. I’m not stupid enough to think he’s a friend, I mean, yes my body seems to fancy the pants of him, but I am a realist.

Today we talked about The Count of Monte Cristo, one of my favourite books and that he has just started to read, while he had got me reading more Shakespeare and currently working my way through Much Ado About Nothing. But as always, our time talking is cut short when he needs to go and deliver a mini lesson. I watched him walk off, daydreaming about things that only a few weeks ago would have really worried me, but now I seem to quite like having.

Back in my room I was looking for a much needed change of underwear and I put the now damp pair in a side pocket to wash later. But there was already something already in there, something that Sarah must have forgotten about and I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. I mean, I could text her, but she might not want me to know she left them at mine. I reached in to take them out, but stopped and looked at the door. It was always open wide during the day unless the medical staff were in here, and I was worried if someone would see me.

Instead, I just handled them inside the pocket. The batteries were dead in the vibrator. It was about four inches long, not that thick but of course by now I’m well aware that it’s not designed to be thick and filling, the pleasure it gives comes from something else.

But the other item, well, that was designed to be filling, and with it’s suction base made for hands free use. I tried working out how big it was, estimating the bit that goes in to be at least six inches long and a good thickness. Ok, I need to know a bit more, see it a bit more clearly. Let the dog see the rabbit so to speak. ‘Oh, a rabbit, I’ve heard of them at least’ I thought to myself. I took the bag into the bathroom and locked the door, taking it out and holding it, then running it under the tap as the bag is quite dusty.

I was nervous, embarrassed and wondering what to do next…

The next day Jackie was back on duty, and I did go without a bra and commando in my dark blue jumper dress. I think she noticed as on her break she said ‘lets get a coffee’, teasing me by suggesting we take the stairs rather than the lift.

Once we sat at a table with out coffee, she said, “You seem a lot more relaxed wearing that. And it’s good to see you took my advice and are keeping your knees together.”

I flipped a finger at her, and we just chatted away like, well, like two girls together. But going back to the ward, I did need to walk up the stairs as there were loads of people waiting to use the lift, and I was squeezing my legs together to try and keep covered.

The next day I was walking along the corridor to get a coffee as I had no examinations this afternoon, thinking to myself I will get a few more dresses if they let me out this weekend, maybe even get fitted for a bra so I don’t always have to pull it over my head when I put it on, when I saw someone. Someone I really didn’t expect to see, to at least, not see this early on Wednesday.

It was the hot teacher, and I was in a dress for a change. I instantly crossed my arms, afraid of my my nipples betraying me as now I wasn’t wearing any underwear during the day and he says, “Hello, this makes a change seeing you inside. Trying to make a break for it?”

Why does he have to make me laugh each time!

He was heading down for a coffee having got here earlier today and asked me if I was getting one as well. I sort of stumbled a bit over my words for a change, mainly because I was in a dress and while covered, feeling exposed a bit, but the basic gist of it was I was going to get one as well. We sat down outside and he gave me a cigarette saying, “I’m still not sure I believe you’re old enough to have one?”

I bit my lip, wondering what I should say. I opted for, “How old do you think I am?”

He looked at me and said, “Well, when I first saw you smoking I thought you were about 13, but you said you were older. Sometimes you do look 13 or 14, but then others you look like maybe 19. When I saw you just now you looked 18, but then looked nervous and 13/14 again.”

He takes a sip of his coffee, clearly trying to think about what to say next. “Then when I talk to you, you don’t talk like a teenager in any way at all, like you’re old before your years, a lot older before your years, knowing a lot more about the world than I would have expected. It’s confusing sometimes.”

I nod and sip my coffee, trying to work out what to say next.

“Ok, I’m not going to tell you my age. But I will tell you why I’m in hospital.”

I take a drag on the cigarette and a sip of my coffee. “So, you definitely read about me in the news recently and…”

I told him all about what happened to me. He sat there and listened, only occasionally asking questions to help fill in any blanks I was missing, and when I finished speaking he sat there quietly before saying, “Shit, this must be really hard on you.”

I was expecting him to get up and walk away, but instead he put his hand on mine and said, “I hope you are as ok as you can be, and thank you for trusting me with this.”

Why didn’t he just get up and walk away? Why does he have to be so nice about this? He really isn't helping my teenage crush, and why am I having teenage crushes still! Puberty sucks when you go through it for the second time.

Anyway, after telling him, other than saying it explains so much about me now, we just chatted about things like we normally do. And then he added, “I will tell you one thing, you switched back to looking like an 18 year old again. It’s like your confidence came back. It’s nice to see.”

He paused for a couple of seconds, saying, “And as you’re not one of my students I no longer feel worried about someone accusing me of trying to groom you by giving you cigarettes!”

I burst out laughing, and slapped him lightly on the arm, “Like a cigarette and coffee would work on me!”

But the truth is that it was working on me, it started working on me the moment he smiled at me in the lift, and now I’m flipping from a teenage crush one moment, to a more adult ‘liking’ and back to the crush. After going our separate ways and I headed back to my room. I went straight to my bag, took it into the bathroom and locked the door. I felt no guilt or conflicting emotions as I took the dildo out, stuck it on the wall of the shower and gathered my dress around my waist.

I needed to adjust the height a couple of times, but there was no fear about putting something so masculine shaped inside me. I was tight, not surprising really, but I didn’t need any lube as hot teacher sorted that out for me. I felt my self open up as it entered me slowly, I didn't want to rush this and I pushed back slowly as it went deeper in me.

This was about curiosity, I wanted to know what it felt like to have a man shaped object inside, not the odd gloved finger and speculum of an examination, something designed to give sexual pleasure and once it was fully in me, or at least as deep as I think it could go in this body, I just stood there and relaxed while savouring the feeling.

It felt good inside me.

I had no idea how long I had in me, but I moved back and forth on it, feeling the ridges of the lifelike thing inside me as it moved inside my vagina. My vagina, my pussy. I was wrapped around it and just enjoying the moment.

Which came crashing down when I heard someone put a tray of food on the table in my room.

I moved forward to slide it out of me, but right at the tip I pushed back, doing that a couple of times before I forced myself to stop. I unstuck it from the wall and ran it under tap before I put it back in the bag, looking at myself in the mirror, my face flushed a little and dress around my waist, my pussy slick with wetness. I quickly wiped myself down and smoothed out my dress, going to have my meal.

Annoyingly, Jackie walked in at that moment to say bye as she was heading home, but then she stopped as she looked at my flush face and said, “Well, I guess you’ve been talking to someone tonight.” And her eyes flicked to the bathroom and I wondered if the room smelled of sex from my mini masturbation session. She never said anything, but she did pull the door almost shut as she left, so while I doubt she knows what I did, she probably thinks I was doing something more digitally based.

That happens in the shower each evening before bed.

The next day I did put my underwear on under my dress, but found I was much better at keeping my knees together now, and more aware of my posture, how I was moving and sitting. But on Friday of week six, right after seeing hot teacher and feeling a bit more confident in how I was, I took my panties off when I got back in my room, and rather than just riding the dildo in the shower, I just wanted to feel something nice inside me, I pulled the door almost shut, I gathered up my dress, pulled my pants off, slipped it into me gently and sat on the bed, just wanting to be filled and enjoy it while I was reading a somewhat erotic part of a book specially selected for this very reason.

Maybe twenty minutes passed in this gentle and soft enjoyable time, I was moving a little bit of up and down, not frantic or long strokes, just slow shallow ones every now and then during juicy bits, when Jackie walked in.

I froze, worried I was flushed, but she came along to say bye in case she doesn’t get a chance later as her boyfriend was picking her up, and that tomorrow they were letting me out on my own as they know can trust me not to be stupid. I squealed in delight, then froze for two reasons. Firstly, I squeezed down there and it felt quite nice, and secondly, I squealed in excitement like a girl. Well, I’m sitting on a dildo and rubbing my legs together to tickle my clit.

Jackie said, “I’m glad you’re excited about it. The timings are the same, you can leave at ten am, but need to be back by four pm. You get a whole six hours to relax, or do some washing and pick up any stuff you need.”

I wanted to get up and hug her in thanks, but of course I was stuck in place, impaled so to speak. But she added, “Oh, get up for a bit I’m going to change your sheets now, I didn’t get a chance earlier.”

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! What the fuck do I do now, this was such a stupid idea I should have waited till much later tonight. Jackie tapped my feet and told me to move and all I could do was try to hold it in place with muscles I didn’t yet know how to use. I moved to the edge of the bed, trying to pull the dress down behind me so it’s less obvious what I’m doing, and so far I can feel the dildo moving with me. Maybe this will work.

I stood up carefully, gripping it with all my strength, if I actually have any strength down there that is.

What actually happened is the moment I stood up I squeezed it out of me, and it dropped to the floor from between my legs and landing with a plop as the suction cap struck the floor. I was bright red, and Jackie stifled a laugh very quickly, moving to the door and shutting it completely, and rushing over to give me a hug. She whispered into my ear, “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s normal.”

And while holding me she moved me so we both sat on the bed, saying, “Two questions, did you enjoy it, and how on earth did you get it?”

Now I could laugh a little, telling her that if it’s something she enjoys, then she already knows my answer, and how I found it in the bag. Before she got to say anything else, her phone dinged with a text message and she said, “Shit, he’s here. Quick, give me a hand.” And I helped her change the sheets and she reminded me to pick up the dildo from the floor before she gave me a kiss on the cheek, saying that we will continue this conversation very soon.

After she left I wasn’t in the mood to read, let alone the other thing after that.

Saturday when I was allowed out, I got a cab home, put some washing on and just sat there enjoying a small taste of freedom and being by myself and unobserved all the time. My future was still weighing on my mind, but it was easier to focus on my immediate needs rather than my long term future, so I hit the shops to take my mind off it. While looking for some other trainers, I did giggle to myself about doing some retail therapy.

But I now had a pair that fit me now and I wasn’t so worried about them slipping off every time I needed to rush. Back at my apartment and wondering what I will do next, I looked at the new trainers admiring them, plain white as I still can’t generate opinions about colours or fashion, but I did like the thicker sole that gave me a bit more height (I now know that it’s a platform), and the raised heel (Yes, it’s a wedge style but not very high, just a bit higher).

Anyway, washing done and bits and pieces picked up, I went back to hospital and that evening I took my bag back into the bathroom, stuck the dildo on the wall and put the new batteries in the vibrator. It was time to learn a lot more about my new body, no matter how temporary it may be.

I had a very good time in there!

During the day I was always in a jumper dress and fully commando to make life simpler, and other than that one day with hot teacher, I still wasn’t ready to go solo outside in a dress. I talked to Annette about it, and finally admitted to getting to getting to know my body, which lead to a very funny conversation where we compared what we both liked, and that while some things were similar, others were different. I like a gentle clockwise rotation around my clit while being penetrated and she prefers a more vigorous rubbing of it.

I would have felt weird knowing that from her a few weeks ago, but confessing that you like that while having a dildo in you kinda takes the embarrassment away. I had a similar chat with Jackie, and well, she really surprised me in what she likes. But she was a sneaky cow as always, and opened the door to my bathroom while I was at it, fully naked pushing back on the dildo and trying to not to make any noise. Stepping away from it and feeling it slide out of me right in front of her, well, even that wasn’t as embarrassing as processing what she had told me.

On the Saturday when they let me out again, Jackie was free and came with me. Once back at my apartment and the weekly wash was on, she said, “How often are you masturbating?”

“Um, at least once a day I think, sometimes more. I’ve never quite made it to orgasm, or at least, while I enjoy it and each time it builds up, I’ve only ever got close and not had one yet.”

I looked at her sitting there as she said nothing, forcing me to go on.

“It’s really frustrating in so many ways. I mean, It’s like I still have my old sex drive, but now in a body that takes longer to get to the finish. And not only that, there’s times when a guy smiles at me and I just want to pull them into a room and jump them, just to know if it feels as good as I imagine it to.”

She still says nothing and I have no idea what I should say next. I’ve mentioned this a little bit to Annette, well, apart from wanting to jump guys. Jackie says, “So, you know I’m a swinger, right?”

I nod and she says, “Well, swinging still isn’t the right word, it’s more like a semi open relationship with occasional meet ups with a few others. Anyway, and don’t get mad about this, but I mentioned some of what you’re going through to my boyfriend.”

I’m confused, and she can see it in my face.

She says, “Do you want to borrow him? Today I mean.”

My jaw hits the floor. She can’t be serious, I mean, I’m a guy, I’m not interested in men. But then I see my reflection, my leggings are showing that I’m very much not a man, and my boobs make that even clearer. But I am still a guy in my head and not interested in men.

But why do I call him ‘Hot Teacher’?

I look back at her.