Life Seems to Suck Sometimes (Part 1)
By Sabrina G. Langton

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Hmmm... let's see... we seem to have a little bit of an epic here. Something that I have been saving for quite a while. Lotsa sex, high heels, day drinking, speeding, and of course a little bit of music. (But not until the end.) I am quite proud of this story, but I have to publish it so I stop futzing, ha... oh, and I so hope YOU like it...

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Part 1 of 5

I used to love Saturdays.

"Coffee, tea, maybe something stronger?"

"Something stronger. You even have to ask?" She laughed as she took off her coat and hung it up. "Something super strong would be even better."

"One of those days already? It's only eleven." I got up to make something special.

"Well, Nena... One of those nights actually. Last night specifically." She sat and put her fingers into the lotion I had set up on the kitchen table, knocking some crayons to the floor, it was my turn to do her nails.

"Life has a habit of sucking sometimes," I told her. "And sucking sometimes is okay." We laughed. I made us Brooklyn Palomas, I told her it was my specialty. It was Fresca, Tequila and a lime 'Lifesaver.' Something to suck on, there was never any fruit lately in my kitchen.

We took a sip. "Mmm, pretty good. Life is looking brighter already."

***

Sometime in May

Saturdays are okay. They used to be for me and Angie, my best friend, My only local friend really. She would come over early, we'd get dressed and made up, go shopping and she'd stay the night, maybe all weekend. Life is different now, she was living with her boyfriend a couple of blocks away. Real-life has taken over her Saturday nights, they usually had their date night, or they visited family and friends.

Saturdays now were lonely, they were all about me. My girlfriend Lilly usually did her shopping, cleaning, and sometimes working on that day. She was an event and party planner. I almost always had the whole day to myself. Saturday's were for dressing up, amongst other things.

I considered myself a crossdresser, maybe gender fluid, I don't know, maybe... um, transgender. Did it matter? I knew what I wasn't.

I wore dresses, I loved heels, makeup, I loved looking beautiful. I always did. I didn't dress as much as I used to, having a girlfriend sort of cramps that type of lifestyle. It bothered me a little that I couldn't become 'Giselle,' as much as I wanted, but my mother was happier, I guess. Lilly was a friend of the family, well someone's family, not my mother's. Lilly was successful, smart, and pretty. She was also very busy like me. My mother insisted we start dating, she told me I should start growing up. That was almost a year ago. Things were going pretty well, I couldn't complain. Or did I just...?

I was getting a little out of control back then anyway.

Lilly didn't know about this hobby of mine. The transformation to 'Giselle' started on Friday night before. I would drop her off at her apartment, after dinner and a little sex, then come home and get ready. I didn't have to shave I was completely smooth, I took care of that years ago. I always took a bath and then lotioned up my body, I was always soft and smelling wonderful.

Next, my wig was long and blonde like my own, but with a more reddish tint to it. My own hair was long, reaching way below my shoulders but I just couldn't create the right look I wanted, and I tried. I always picked out my outfit and accessories the night before, I had so many to choose from. I had a great job, that took up an awful lot of my time, but I was making great money, and now I had so much room.

Once Angie and Trevor moved in together I decided I would find something closer to them. I bought a townhouse in their neighborhood, Metuchen, New Jersey. It was a beautiful little town, had lots of restaurants and little shops. My place was right off Main Street. It was two blocks away from Angie, I usually parked on her block. In my mind, I was visiting them.

My one closet and bedroom were so full, my other was quite empty. Lilly kept a few things in that one. She didn't know about the other one in my second bedroom. The room was always locked, I told her it was for storage but inside was a beautiful feminine room. An oasis. A bed, a couch, a vanity, a giant mirror, and a huge walk-in closet. I had my artwork and pictures all over my walls in frames. My books and clothing catalogs filled my shelves. I even had a full bathroom, bathtub, and all. The walls were covered with Spanish-style tiles, I could luxuriate in my tub for hours. My room was painted a soft pink, with matching curtains and comforter, and had white wall-to-wall carpeting in half the room, the other was hardwood. I wanted to hear my heels click.

*

It was a beautiful day in May so I decided on a pale green dress. It was full of flowers, pinks, dark greens, and yellows. It was also long and full, it came down to the ground. I loved dresses like this, soft and feminine. The sleeves came to my elbows and I pulled down the top to show off my shoulders. I loved how my hair fell onto my bare shoulders. I was always turning around making sure I was causing some distractions.

From the point of view of an onlooker, I was a tall, well proportioned, twenty-seven-year-old woman, dressed for lunch with her friends with baby carriages. But underneath, I was a lonely, sensuous, sexy whore. Well, not whore, maybe a lingerie model, that sounds so much better. A sexy sensuous lingerie model. I always had on stockings or pantyhose, always. I was wearing nude stockings and a beige garter belt. I had beige silk panties and a matching strapless bra. The bra was filled with my C-cup breast forms. I had three different sizes hiding in my closet, C, D, and double D. Today was definitely a C-Cup day. I also had on a corset to give me bigger-looking hips.

I put on my big gold hoops in my pierced ears, a little matching choker around my neck, and my long press-on nails. This time I wore glossy white, they went with my dress and my four-inch sandals. I even did my toes.

I am very proficient with my make-up. When I was younger living with my mother, I was friends with a family a couple of houses down from my own. Three women. Growing up with them I became their practice model, their life-sized Barbie. They practiced with all their makeup and brushes on me. I didn't mind. They were the only ones that knew I crossdressed, but they didn't call it that, they called it 'Exibir.' Showing off, they would say in their wonderful tones. 'Vamos ver você se exibindo.' They had the most incredible sexiest, expressive voices, they would make me practice talking with them. I did get very competent at replicating their Portuguese accents, I had their soft voices down. I could easily have been the younger, lighter-skinned, more feminine sister.

The three women in that house were Mamãe Sosa, and her two daughters, Juliana and Márcia, who were older than me by six and seven years. They were originally from Goiânia, Brazil and originally, I only understood every third word they said, which was fine. The two daughters were beautiful and that's how I hoped I would turn out someday. Mamãe Sosa would say she hoped I was dressing up before I met the sisters, she didn't want to think that they were churning out feminine boys who could walk in such high heels. I showed her pictures when I was younger and she would laugh and make a sigh of relief.

I also got my dress sense from them. They loved dresses with flowers, the more feminine the better. I had tried on every one of the outfits that they had in their closets, even the Moms. The girls took so many pictures of us together, I had one of them on my wall in my room. They couldn't believe how nice I always looked. I had a thin body, but quite a round bottom, I fit into their outfits so perfectly.

I was constantly watching them and learning. I loved how they walked and moved, they were so feminine. They were the complete package and they were always my role models. They were also so popular, the three of them had so many boyfriends. I was always jealous watching their asses as they left me to take care of their cats and plants.

The entire family moved back to Brazil about five years ago, to start work at a family business. I still talked to all of them on the phone, all the time. When I was with them I felt I was 'all female,' I was just another relative coming to visit, but once they were gone I felt I was just another crossdresser.

We share pictures. I always tell them I miss them, and they always say my voice sounds 'fantástica.'

***

I was coming back from shopping, I was uncomfortable alone so I was always quick. My long dress was blowing in the slight wind. I got the parking spot right near my front door, which never happened. I waved to a couple of the neighbors, they must think a man and a woman live here. I minced into the kitchen with my three bags of food, alcohol, and more pantyhose. I was a little obsessed, with all three.

I heard something behind me. "Who are you?"

I turned around, my heart was beating. I was completely startled. "Um." How do you explain to someone who you are?

"What are you doing in this house?" She started looking around, "Where is Samuel?" That was my other name.

She didn't seem too mad, she seemed more confused than anything else. I knew when I tell her, she was going to be even more confused. I don't look anything like my other half at all.

I swallowed, "Lilly, it's me." I didn't want to do this now at all. I had my soft feminine lilt with my slight Portuguese accent. I couldn't even try to speak with my male voice anymore. Once I was dressed my voice came naturally. "Why are you here?" I asked her but she still didn't know who I was. "Lilly please don't get mad, I like to dress up."

She was looking at me closer, "You gotta be kiddin' me, what's goin' on?"

So I told her, I tried to explain in as few sentences as possible. She kept on looking at me disapprovingly. "I don't understand, are you gay now?"

"Now? That's not the right question to ask."

"What, what should I ask then, my boyfriend is standing before me looking like a fucking weather girl. Are you a drag queen? What's the correct question? And why are you so girly looking... and why do you have a Spanish accent?"

"Lilly please stop asking so many questions. Please." I was starting to get a little upset, she was getting angry. "I'm going to get changed," I told her.

"Don't change."

"I either change and talk to you, or I don't change and you leave." She looked at me like I was crazy, she didn't leave. She also didn't understand. Saturdays were for Giselle, it was the only time I let myself become a 'woman.' I gave all the other days to my job, to my Mother, to Lilly. It was so hard only having that one day, I was trying my best.

***

Lilly was quite agitated when she followed me into my feminine bedroom. I didn't have to hide it anymore, I wanted her to see. She looked around, her arms were crossed and she was mumbling under her breath. I went into the bathroom and changed, I walked out much later back into the room, in a short robe. There was still some mascara on my eyelashes. I could tell she went through everything in the room while I was changing. Some of my pictures were crooked and I could feel someone else's touch on my feminine accessories. I could even see she went through my dresses in the closet, I'm sure she had more questions.

Lilly was looking at my legs, her head still shaking disapprovals. "First, why do you sound so Spanish?" She asked me but I had to get a drink first. I made Port Wine and tonic, it was the Sosa's favorite. This would make me feel like they were with me, I needed their support.

"I don't know, I learned to talk feminine from friends. I just have a Spanish accent when I'm a woman." It sounded crazy out loud. I shrugged and we tasted our drinks.

"When you're a woman? You... are not a woman." She was still looking at my perfect smooth legs. "I can't believe I thought you had another girl here." She was starting to get angry again so I just went through my history quick, the dressing up, the Sosa sisters, the slowing down of my dressing. That was it, that's all she needed to know. She seemed satisfied, I felt like a fool. I was hoping she would never find out, maybe I would have grown out of it in a couple of years.

"Lilly it's not a big deal, there are a lot of people like me in the world."

"Yeah, but they are not my boyfriend, what if someone finds out." She finished her drink.

"Well someone did."

***

"A weather girl? Haha."

I told Angie that night and she thought it was hysterical. "Nena, she called you girly? She's very perceptive that one."

Angie was a beautiful honey-colored, Puerto Rican, and she liked Lilly, she thought she was good for me. It kept my mind from going a little crazy with my dressing. I didn't say anything, but Lilly didn't care for Angie. She didn't like me talking about them. She didn't like Trevor either, who was probably the nicest guy in the world.

I say probably, but I meant most definitely.

I met Angie over three years ago when I was buying pantyhose at Victoria's Secret. I was all dressed up. She told me there was a better place. I followed her to one of the bigger department stores in the mall. I was behind her watching her walk, she had on six-inch platforms like me, I would have followed her anywhere. She took me to a dark corner of the store, they had so many different types, colors, and styles. The prices were also 50% cheaper.

I'm not telling anyone the name, we want the place for ourselves.

She told me she had a feeling I was a CD, turns out she was one too, back then. We bonded over our 50% savings. We went out for drinks, then dinner, then more drinks, then we went back to her place and I fell asleep on her living room floor. She became my best friend sometime in the middle of the night.

She held my hair while I was getting sick in her toilet.

"So did you tell her you were a drag queen? Women love queens." Angie was still making fun of me. "Just think you could share Q-Tips and hopefully your periods will sync up. Haha."

I instead looked to Trevor for sympathy. Once Lilly left I fixed my hair and got all dressed up in another flowered dress, short this time, and begged them to let me come over. I walked the two blocks, the wind blowing my dress around my hips. I needed time to think and I didn't want to waste a Saturday, not en-femme.

I was on the couch, leaning against a tall, black, solid man. I was slightly sobbing onto Trevor's t-shirt leaving a nice dark mascara stain. I wasn't sad, I was just worn out and a little scared.

"I hope you didn't tell her stories from your sordid past." Angie stood up and handed me another rum drink. I was only allowed two of them in her house.

"Hey, I would love to hear some of those stories," Trevor finally spoke. He put his arm around me and kissed my hair. "Please. Angie always threatens but she never delivers."

So I told him. Angie could fact-check me.

***

Meeting Angie changed my life. I now had someone to confide in and dress up with, I now had a partner in crime. So to speak...

Once the Sosa's were gone and I turned twenty-three, twenty-four, I had social media accounts, three of them. I used to put pictures and videos up at least once a week, I was very popular. Soon it started taking over my life. I would get a compliment, someone would tell me I was cute, they liked my smile. I wanted more. I put up more suggestive pictures, they would compliment my lips, my legs, my panties. I was now putting up two or three a week, sometimes every day. When a man tells you that you are cute, there is no turning back from that.

I told Angie I needed something more, and she had an outlet. She knew a way to curb some of the sexual tension that built up inside of us. We went back to the Mall. It was so huge, the parking lot was tremendous. Angie knew a place in one of the far-off lots that we could go to. It was a place to hook up, it was a place for gay men to meet.

"Angie, I'm not gay. I like men but only when I dress as a woman." I told her.

"Sounds a little gay to me."

We sat in my car, we were checking our nails, I was too nervous. We watched men hop from one car to the next, it seemed so sordid. I didn't think this is how I wanted to spend my night. I would have liked a little romance. Even sitting in front of my computer jerking off to pictures of myself dressed up, or pictures of men with crossdressers seemed sexier.

"Listen," She told me, "We are all glammed up, we look and feel like women, Let's just show off. This is just a way to get some practice and let off a little steam. Not a big deal, it's not a lifestyle."

She walked out of the car, I nervously followed her. I had on my long wig, I felt I could hide behind my hair if I had to. We were wearing tight short dresses and stockings, showing off our big breasts and legs in our high heels, we were making so much noise. Even the bangles on my wrist were making a racket. The guys in the cars were watching us, but they weren't looking for women or CDs that looked like women. Angie went to a car and knocked. By the third car someone finally opened their window.

"Hey Bebe, want us to suck your cock?" She asked him, but he didn't say anything. She turned back to look at me, she shrugged. She then told the driver in her deeper voice, "We are guys, we are wearing dresses." He didn't believe us and Angie showed him her falsies. He let us in. Angie sucked his cock while sitting next to him in the front. I sat in the back and took video on my phone. He came all over his flannel shirt. The man seemed quite happy, we shared a beer.

The next one was my turn, I knocked, but I wouldn't be able to say what she did. In my mind, I was a woman, though right now I totally looked like a crossdresser. I had to be all woman in my mind if I was going to take a cock inside me.

No one looked at me, no one opened their windows. I was dejected, we were mincing back and a man called from his car. "Come on, jerk me off, ladies." I was so relieved, we went into his car. We went into his back seat and the man sat between us. He was big, he looked a little mean. I was suddenly so nervous, I had never done anything like this before.

Angie told him. "I'm going to shoot this on my phone while she plays with your dick, okay? You know we're CDs?"

"Yeah, whatever."

I tried to pull down his zipper, my nails were so long, I was having trouble, it was a little dark. "Maybe you better take down your zipper for me," I asked, and he pushed me. Hard.

"What the fuck, why would you use that voice? Why would you even talk?"

I was nervous I didn't use my femme voice, I wasn't even thinking about it. Why was he so mad.

I never made that mistake ever again.

"The two of you get the fuck out! Fuckin' stupid faggots!" He pushed me out of the car and he jumped over the front seat, he took off with one of the back doors still opened.

Angie was shaking her head. "We gotta meet the only straight shithead in a parking lot of queers." She laughed, but I was a little shaken up. She made me go to another car. "Let's go... when you fall off a bike, Giselle." We were standing at the edge of this parking lot, I felt like the men in their cars were watching us. Everyone saw that little drama unfold.

We were so beautiful the two of us, the men should be thanking God for someone as sexy as us entering their lives, their parking spots. I was wearing taupe pantyhose and five-inch red platform heels, what more would any man want?

I ended up sucking off two men in a row, we had proof on our phones. They were nicer to me and I loved feeling their hands in my hair. They were my first two cocks in a long time, inside my mouth. I also swallowed all of the cum that shot from their dicks. Angie called me a slut. She then went and played with another guy and then I begged her to let me have one more.

A man pulled up, he was beckoning us from his window. He looked much older. "Wow," He said as he took in our curves. He made me turn around. "You got some pair of legs, how much to wrap them around my body?"

"Sorry we are not for sale," Angie nervously giggled.

I was still horny, but I couldn't let him fuck me. I wouldn't even know how to do it, I was thinking I would have to learn. "You don't want head? I'm very good."

"So says you." He laughed while he still watched me, his hands suddenly were on my fake breasts. "These puppies real?

"No, sorry."

"Ah too bad, come on then, let's go in the back. Are you two, trannies?"

"I guess," I told him. I was nervous, this was like the jerk from before. It was better in the front, but we surrounded him anyway. I talked to him in my perfect female cadence, my perfect slight accent. I took his dick out with my perfect red nails. I would never hesitate again.

"You have nice hands, what's your name?" He asked me, Angie was taking video.

"No names, honey, call her 'Nena' it means Baby Girl."

So he did. He ended up calling me both, it was turning me on. I was playing with his cock it was so big. It was the biggest one I had seen tonight. I felt the nylon on my legs rubbing together, I was loving this. I then took his cock in my mouth, I was going to enjoy it. He was watching me with a huge smile on his face, there was no way a woman enjoyed his cock as much as I did.

"Baby girl, that feels great."

I loved watching my fingers with my long red nails playing with his manhood. I then licked the head, kissed him down the side, and pushed him around with my red lips. I then took him into my mouth again. I felt him hit the back of my throat and I let him out slowly, then kissing the tip again. I looked up at him and smiled, he was quite good-looking. He seemed pretty clean too, as clean as his white car. It smelled like pine trees.

He put his hands on my cheek, "Baby girl or Nena," He laughed, "You are spoiling me."

"Am I?" I smiled at him, I was hoping he thought I was pretty. I tilted my head and smiled as he watched, I felt my big golden hoops swing against my neck. I pursed my red lips at him, his one hand started to caress my breast. I closed my eyes I made believe I could feel it.

"Get on with it Baby Girl," I heard Angie catcalling from the bleachers.

I took him back into my mouth, put my long fingers more into his pants, and started to rub his balls. Then I took him in both hands and pumped. I smiled up at him, I knew he was ready to cum. I instinctively took one hand off of him and started rubbing my own crotch. My perfect tucked-in 'pussy.' I was all girl while sucking this man's cock.

I moaned as he kept on pushing his manhood into my lips, and down my throat. "I'm gonna cum, baby, ahh..." And he did, I caught most of it in my mouth, I started cumming myself. I was having a crazy orgasm and I forgot where I was for a couple of seconds. I looked straight into Angie's phone, she had a sly smile on.

"Those lips are amazing." He told me as I finished cleaning him up. He was being so nice.

I got up and looked at him. "Whoa, how was that?"

"That was incredible. You were right." He kissed me on the cheek I wasn't ready for that at all. I was thinking I had to have this guy again.

"Okay," Angie opened her door, "We gotta go, big fella, Nena will be back, keep looking for her."

I stepped out of the car, he was holding my hand. "That was great, definitely let's meet again."

He finally let go and I walked over next to Angie, I was in a daze. This man's cock was perfect. The other two were completely forgotten, this is the one I would remember forever.

"Bye," I said and gave a little girly wave.

Angie started to drag me away. "Don't ever get too attached to guys who hang in parking lots."

I memorized his license plate, GBD-1122. Guy with Big Dick, that would be easy to remember. I didn't remember getting home but I remembered the plate.

The next day I ordered a seven-inch realistic-looking dildo with a suction cup at the base. I wanted to get some practice. I was going to need to feel a cock in my mouth, I wanted to play with it in my hands, my long nails looking sexy pumping it and reflecting in my mirror.

There was no way I was coming back from that either.

***

"We just went to show off," Angie told Trevor. SHE might have gone to show off, but I went to show off and play with cock.

"Vamos ver você se exibindo." I told them, it was the only line of Portuguese I ever spoke. It meant, 'Let's see some showing off.' That was what the Sosa sisters used to say to me in their semi-broken English. They used to make me show them my legs in stockings and then bend and show my ass. They liked when I played with my hair and shook my head. I was always dressed so sexy and feminine in one of their flowered dresses. If I was lucky the three of us would then perform a fashion show for their mother. The colors were so feminine and incredible.

"Oh, my god Nena, you know I love your accent, but you speaking Portuguese is a game-changer, haha." Trevor held me tighter as Angie moved closer. "You are too sexy, I am trading Angie in for you."

Angie ran her fingers through my hair. "Ahh, don't tease her, she's quite fragile right now," She kissed my cheek and sat on the other side of me. "I would tell you to just break up with that clueless white girl, but I like you so much better in this relationship you claim you have. Haha."

Lilly, Angie, and Trevor have never met. I closed my eyes, maybe none of them are real. Lilly only wanted to hang out with her friends anyway, they were fine, but they weren't Angie and Trevor.

After a while, Angie stopped asking to meet her.

"You will get through this," Angie leaned more into me, pushing me more into Trevor. "Just remember our motto."

"You two have a motto, what are you a country?"

"We are," Angie was laughing again. "Life seems to suck sometimes."

And it did. And that's what we always reminded ourselves.

***

End of Part 1

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