Two Sides of the Coin (Part 3)
By Sabrina G. Langton

***

Author's note: Hmmm, we made it to part three already, so warm and comforting. Our heroine revels in her new home and town... And then... well you will have to discover the rest for yourself... Oh, and I hope YOU like it...

***

"You have to stop calling here, I am trying to raise a family!"

That was the one phrase my mother spoke that made me stop and listen. I couldn't imagine who she was complaining to.

"This house is full of girls and boys and I have no time for this." And she would hang up. She made a big deal of it, she made believe she was so flustered even though I was the only girl and boy filling up the house. She wanted sympathy and one of the Uncles would inevitably go over and try to comfort her, refill her drink, take her into the messy bedroom, while I hid in one of my nightgowns in my own little room trying not to listen.

After the first time I broke up with Miranda my mother went through a weird phase, she got a little crazy, always on edge. She periodically chase me out of the house and she would never let me use the house phone, she would make me talk to people in person. I was twenty before one of the 'Uncles' bought me my own Apple. He gave me a job that same day. I painted signs, my mother told him I was a writer. She laughed when she said 'writer.'

'Discount-Discount-Discount' That was my most famous one. It had a movable arrow, it could be pointed anywhere.

I remember it was probably five, or six months later, I got a call from the same Uncle, "Don't come home tonight, sleep at the shop." So I did, slept on the couch, under a huge window with metal blinds. I had a tiny little closet of a room, but at least there was another little closet. I had a couple of my outfits handy. I even started dressing and visiting the industrial neighborhood, plus it was right near my College. I was back and forth, between genders and bedrooms, it was so much better than living with my mother, it was better than thinking about Miranda, I was finally alone... well at least at night.

It became my 'pied-à-terre' until I moved into my own house a couple of years later.

***

"Mmm, this pillow smells exactly like a man I know." I was laying on Owen's bed, my dress pushed way up to my panties, I had my face buried in his pillow. I was enjoying myself, I was a little too excited.

He was standing in front of me, he was taking off his shirt, his slacks. "Really? I haven't had a man in my bed in years. Maybe the cleaning woman is up to something."

I threw the pillow at him, he pulled my legs, then he pulled me up off the bed, I was still fully dressed, this is the way I liked it. We started to kiss. Owen was hard, his cock made an appearance over his boxers, the head pointing toward me, begging me to take hold. I took hold.

"Mmm," I whispered as we kissed, "I never expected to meet a man in New Jersey, one that is completely perfect for me."

"Maybe that's why you came here in the first place, maybe that was always the plan."

I stopped and looked up into his eyes, I knew he was just teasing me but maybe he was right, maybe it was someone's plan. Maybe one of the 'Uncles,' or maybe someone I had never met before. I turned around and lifted my blonde hair. "Undo me please, I want to show you my new lingerie."

He laughed as he unbuttoned, then brought down my light salmon dress, over my breasts, over my hips, down my silky legs. I lifted my feet out of the dress now pooled below me. This was the first time in years I was enjoying being intimate, and I was so over-excited. I know I always heard a 'girl's' panties getting wet when she was aroused, but I never experienced it myself. My white panties were drenched, I was leaking, maybe I was sending out my scent reaching out to all men, reaching out to this one in particular.

His hands went to my bra, my breasts, obviously silicone, obviously perfect. We kissed again. We kissed slowly, deliberate. I loved tasting him, I loved the little moan he would make when we changed positions, ran my fingers through his short hair, or started pressing on his hard cock with my body, with my sheer pantyhose between us. I slid my hands down, I played with his hard manhood.

"Oh Sabrina, that feels so good, I love your fingers on me."

"Do you now? Then you will love this even more."

I pushed him onto the bed, I got comfortable between his legs. I pushed my silicone breasts into his crotch, his cock was still hard and still peeking over his boxers. His hands started to play with my hair, my real hair, all mine. For years I was worried that people were seeing me in a wig, but in LA everyone wore one, it wasn't that weird or inconsistent with daily life. White, blue, and bright pink were so normal, sometimes I felt I stood out as my light blonde blew behind me, staying out of my eyes, or held back with my sunglasses. Here in Martinville, it was so different, no one went glam, punk, or goth, no one wore costumes, did cosplay, no one ever wore a wig, or maybe I just wasn't noticing it. I was so glad my hair grew thicker, I was so glad Owen liked it. He pulled, he guided me against his stomach, then closer to his hard dick.

I started to play with his balls through the cotton of his shorts, my chin and lips moved him around, took in his scent, I was getting over-excited again very fast. I hadn't been with a man I was falling in love with, in like, forever. I brought his boxers down, over his legs, and then threw them at him. I took his cock into my grip, I kissed the head, I licked the sides, I then took him into my mouth. I loved that he was watching me.

"Mmm, you taste so good." My voice lilted up as I devoured him, took him deeper. Almost his whole cock was inside of me, I felt like I was showing off. Slowly I released him, he made so much noise as his cock returned to the air, now wetter, now harder. I let him glaze my face. I started sucking the sides, I looked up at him, he was laying down, breathing heavily, a smile frozen on his face. I wish I visited New Jersey when I was younger, I wish I skipped all the drama with my mother and Miranda and even Kate.

I took him back inside my lips and I sucked, I swirled my tongue, his hips started to move.

"Baby, c'mon up here."

I kissed his cock and slid next to Owen, we moved up closer to the pillows. He was still on his back as I leaned my body against him, my 'clit' pushing against his thigh. We made out again as my hand played with his wet cock, his hand rubbed my breast forms in the satin bra. I pushed against him, I was getting excited seeing his eyes, feeling his hardness. I wasn't used to intimacy like this, real, and growing. I rubbed my body, my 'clit,' I waited for the two of us to cum. I started to watch him, my eyes inches from his, my lips barely touching him.

"Ahh..." I started to orgasm, I felt my 'clit' shoot cum into my panties against his hard thigh.

We started to kiss again as his cock started to spurt his semen. We could barely keep our tongues in each other's mouths, but I didn't want to disengage, I wanted him to kiss while he came. Once he was done, I kissed his cheek lightly and then slid down his hard body to investigate the cum on his belly. There was so much, his white cream covered his stomach. I smiled as I licked, I smiled as I showed him the jism in my mouth, on my tongue, dripping on my chin. I let him watch me play with it. Once I was done, I lay on my back and he hovered over me. His body pinning me down, kissing my lips, cheek, and then neck goodnight. We fell asleep with him using my breasts as a pillow.

We slept all night.

***

Being with Owen, being in Martinsville constantly made my mind drift back to LA, to my mother, I didn't really understand it. On some level, it was the same, on some other level it was a whole other world. In LA I was tense on the inside, living on some sort of edge, but on the outside, I felt free, my look, my sexuality, I wore six to seven-inch platforms constantly, I was always showing off my long nails, my long lashes, and colorful eye makeup. Especially after Kate and the neighbors found out. Then the move. In Martinsville I felt at peace, inside I was so relaxed, I slept all night, I woke up refreshed and confident especially if Owen spent the night. Once I was out in the New Jersey air, traipsing through the quiet neighborhood my confidence level dropped, I felt too flamboyant, too noticeable, even too sexy. I felt being with a man would change all that, I would fit in, I would be more like the locals, more like Terri.

I realized I wanted to appear and be exactly like Terri.

***

"Here they come, they are always so happy."

"They must take after their mother."

We giggled, we were outside of the fence. It was my first time this close to the school. I was a little nervous, I didn't want to do anything wrong, I didn't want to stand out. I wore sunglasses like Terri, I wore a long navy blue dress with polka dots, I wore two-inch white sandals, I looked like I could have been one of the mothers, I even had my hair up, pinned up at the back. My only extravagance was my earrings, they were big, they were thick hoops made of gold, they almost reached my shoulders. I felt I needed just a bit of my personality to shine through, I wanted to show the kids, the mothers, Terri. I wanted the neighborhoods to see me as a real person in my new town.

"Mama!" The little girl grabbed her, Terri picked her up and kissed her, it was nice watching this little moment. We took the two little ones and made our way back, back to the old Morrison house. I held hands with little Michelle and little Terrance. Terri wanted them to get comfortable with the new babysitter.

"Mama, are we really going to aunt Joanie's?" Terrance was on the far end, he seemed okay with a friendly stranger holding his hand, he was asking all the correct questions.

"We are going to aunt Joanie's old house, it is Sabrina's new one."

"Does it look the same?"

"Ha, you will have to ask Sabrina."

He stopped he looked up at me, his hands were above his eyes blocking the sun. "You are taller than aunt Joanie."

I smiled, "Am I? Are you sure?" I squinted, we laughed, he forgot what he was going to ask me. He let me pick him up, he was five, he fit into my arms SO perfectly. He smelled sticky.

"We're here!" Michelle ran towards the front door, she checked out the new garden Milly, the waitress, and Owen helped me fix up over the last couple of weeks. She seemed very happy with the new reddish brown color of the house, the new dark screen door, and the new big wooden one. "I can't wait to see our old playroom."

The door was open, we walked right in, I would have to start locking it if I was going to have little children inside, I had to keep an eye on things. The children ran around, looking for their favorite places, favorite hiding spots. They seemed to approve of all the work that was done, all the colors and updating I did before I moved in. I had so much money from the sale of my LA house that I put in a lot of extras and extra work into this new, old house of mine. Almost everything was brand new.

"This is my spot, mama, look!" We followed the voice, Terrance was under the built-in shelves on the porch. He was hiding, he was laughing we found him quite quickly. I was happy he found a spot.

*

The kids were playing, I brought all the toys and crazy things I have collected from the catalog companies and brought them into the porch, their old playroom. It had a TV, speakers, a couch and some comfortable chairs. It even had a low table for coloring on, playing with action figures, or painting your nails. They seemed very happy with me and my home, they seemed very excited in their old room.

I was humming, I was making coffee, I was daydreaming. I was having a lovely time.

"Sabrina, I am a Morrison too."

I turned, "Really? I didn't realize."

"The past owners of this beautiful house were my husband's aunt and uncle, he loved coming here when he was young, and we would come here to visit, for dinner or to drop off the kids all the time."

I was searching in my fridge, "Looks like things don't have to change." I giggled as I found the cream.

"Um, Sabrina, thank you for helping me with the kids."

I turned around, "Mmm? Helping you? Thank you for believing in me." I smiled and sat with her with the steaming coffee. She told me about herself, her children, her husband, and her family. I then told her about me, just a little. I told her about the catalogs, the garage sales, the move from the west coast, the falling in love with Owen, though I don't think he realized it yet. I then told her I was transitioning.

"Oh, okay. You are doing, um, remarkably well."

I stared at her and then giggled. "Am I?"

"Ha, I'm sorry I don't know what the correct response would have been, I will have to check the internet." And we giggled some more. We finished our coffee. I told her that was the correct response.

We went to my bedroom, I showed her my fake breasts, my collection of dresses and heels. I showed her the pictures on my wall. The one with Miranda was somewhere in a New Jersey dump by now.

She had a finger on one in particular. It was of me two blocks away from Hollywood and Vine, actually on Sunset, the supposed spot where I was born. I had one of the vendors selling hot dogs take it of me.

Terri took a picture of my wall.

"Sabrina you are so pretty right here, your dress is so pink and so short. You know, I have always wanted to go to LA." She turned back to look at me to give me a crooked smile. "The kids want to go to Disneyland of course, but who has the time, who has the money?" I watched as she went through the rest of the pictures, finding me immediately in the crowd of faces. Then she investigated my books just like Owen did. I began giggling watching the amazement on her face grow at all the makeup products I had on my vanity. Lipstick, brushes, pencils, even all of my cleansers and supplements. I let her try on my new plum lipgloss.

We heard the kids. They were in my office, they were pointing at my Hello Kitty bank way up on the shelf above us all. Watching and waiting. I climbed up on my little stool, climbed up in my heels, making a racket. They clapped as I took Kitty down. I gave it to Terri.

"Here you go, I wish it was raining out, this is my rainy day fund it's now yours."

The kids took it from her. "Mama it's so heavy." Terrance smiled as he shook the plastic cat, a couple of coins making some noise.

"No, you can't give us that."

"Please, I haven't touched it since my last garage sale, I don't know how many months ago." I smiled, I brought her back into the kitchen for more coffee. I told her to plan her trip and send me pictures.

***

Later that night I had a visit... a couple of visits.

I always wanted someone to sit on the stoop, couch, or at the kitchen table with me. I wanted someone to tell me I was a good cook, made a great drink, looked hot in my new lingerie. I always thought it was too much to ask for. I assumed not everyone had someone like that in their lives. Terri did, I wanted in on some of that action.

"Here you go." I made mojitos again, I toasted little pieces of bread. I cut up cheese and vegetables for crackers and dip. I wanted to hang, I wanted to relax, watch TV. I wanted a man to appreciate the time it took for me to become beautiful.

"Thank you."

I sat close, I felt so nice after an afternoon with children and a new friend. I tried to give Owen the remote.

"Um, Sabrina, can you stand up? can I see how great you look?" He looked at me hopefully, did he think I wouldn't, did he think he was asking too much? Did he know all the bonus points he was collecting?

"Okay." I stood, put my hands on my hips, I spun around. I could tell he approved. I was wearing a sleeveless white top, showing off my navel again. I was wearing a very short frilly skirt, showing off my beige silky legs which have become so shapely and perfect from yoga. My hips and ass wider with padding. My breast forms hidden under my D-cup bra, pushing them up, together, making a perfect decolletage. My heels were five inches high and white strappy sandals. I was showing off my pink toenails which matched my ten fingers. My long nails now playing with my longer-looking hair. I straightened it after Terri and the kids left, I wanted to match her, I wanted to look like one of her children. I had my long eyelashes on, dark pink eyeshadow, and so much mascara. My lips were dark pink, just ready to be admired, ready to be kissed.

Owen took my hand, he told me he loved long nails on a woman, he told me so many times he loved my perfume. He kissed the top of my hand, he played with my bracelet, he pulled me onto his lap.

"I can't believe how beautiful you are, you are so sexy. Is it okay that I used the S word?"

I giggled, "It is, I want you to use it all the time. I like the B word too."

"And what is the B word?"

"Buxom, of course."

He laughed he started playing with my breasts, we kissed, it was nice it was exactly what I needed. After a little kissing, fondling we settled into the comfy couch. I had my legs under me leaning on the back, Owen leaned against the arm, we were drinking our Mojitos. We were close, we were touching. After a while I put my head on his shoulder, I had my hand near his manhood, we watched TV. I wanted him to make love to me tonight but I didn't want to rush him. It took us so long to become intimate, I was thinking he was trying to come to grips with dating a T-girl.

I didn't want to ask, I was enjoying myself too much, but... I decided to ask. "Owen, do you mind if I play with you?" I wanted to be cute, I wanted to talk. I kissed his cheek.

He smiled again, he kissed me, I started to play, his hands now in my hair. I slowly took him out of his pants, I rubbed, we enjoyed our time together, we tried to pay attention to the program. Soon I was down on his cock. I left a nice pink line around the perimeter. I started to suck, I started to lick and play with his balls, I started to get excited all over again. I needed better sex than I was getting in LA, I needed a relationship, a man, I needed him to cum in my mouth. He repositioned, he lightly grabbed my hair, touching my earrings. I went down on him more, trying to get his huge cock down my throat, I gagged, I kept on trying. I was becoming too excited, he was so big, I started to pump him in my hands instead as I sucked on the purple head. I watched him enjoy himself, I wanted to tell him this is what happens when you are gorgeous and you sit on my couch.

"Oh, God, baby I love that. I'm gonna cum."

I stayed on his cock, I wanted him to cum in my mouth, down my throat. I felt the first spurt and I held it in my cheeks. I felt him inside me, I sucked as he shot, his hips moving making it difficult. Once he was done I spit all his cum back onto his cock, let it drip. I slowly licked it all back up, took it all inside me once again. I loved his cock after he came, the taste of an orgasm, a happy penis. Soon he was all done, all sparkling clean, and he let me rub myself as he played with my hair and brushed against my lips. I needed him to look at me, approve, it was going to make me cum. I loved his breath on my cheeks, the feel of his hands on my body, the randomness of our touching. My eyes opened wide, my 'clit' was pressing against his body, I came more than ever in my panties, my skirt completely pushed up. Once again my silk panties were soaked, once again I was happy to be in the arms of a man, someone who I would make fall in love with me.

I cuddled on his lap, my head on his chest, I passed out. Moments later I felt him rubbing my back talking to me. I was dreaming, I was falling to my death, I didn't want to wake.

*

"Oh, hi." Terri was calling, she asked if she was interrupting us and I giggled. "Can Mike and I come over, real quick five minutes tops?"

"Sure, of course."

I loved this, in LA nobody ever just stopped by to visit. I ran into my bedroom and changed my top, something less showy. I was then in the kitchen making expresso and chocolate milk for when they came. Owen let them in, I heard them all in the living room, even the kids. It was almost nine o'clock. I was happy to have the company, I was happy to show off my boyfriend.

I walked in with a tray. Terrance was holding the Hello Kitty. His eyes were wide, he had a huge smile on his face when he saw me.

"Hi, baby," I said to him and then spoke to the crowd. "Hi, crowd." They smiled as I passed out drinks. Terrance handed me the bank.

"Sabrina," Terri was watching me, she glanced over at Owen. "I was talking to our Aunt Joanie, she wants to come to visit, she wants to meet you."

"Really, okay, I would love that. She can show me how to work the garbage disposal, ha."

"Well, don't get your hopes up with that," And they all laughed. "Oh and, uh, we can't accept the bank, we just can't. Do you know how much money is in there?"

"Mmm, how many guesses do I get?" I poured the coffee, the chocolate.

Mike got up, he gave me a hug, and I spilled a little. "You get as many as you want." He then looked at me, "There is almost twelve thousand dollars."

"Wow, really? I guess I had a good run in LA with my garage sales." I giggled, I squeezed in on the couch, I made Mike sit down next to Terri. "I want you all to have it, it's just collecting dust in my office. I want you all to go to Disneyland, I want you all to have fun and send me pictures. Maybe you can take Aunt Joanie."

***

My mother went to Disneyland with one of the uncles. I would have went with them if they asked. They didn't. I stayed home, I decided to dress up, it had been a while since I had had the chance to do my makeup in the house. Mostly I slipped on something before bed, a bra, panties, pantyhose, maybe even fill my bra, wear a clip in my hair. But today was different, I felt I was growing up. I got a package in the mail the week before, it was very cryptic. It had our address and was labeled 'To the person born on May 15th.' It had to be for me my twentieth birthday had just passed, it was too specific. When I opened it up there was a LA Rams jersey and a white dress filled with roses. Reds and greens it was beautiful. I hid both presents, I didn't want my mother to see them. She was angry when she first saw me fully dressed I didn't want her to know someone was sending me gifts, sending me female clothes. There was also an unsigned 20th birthday card, it had a scent I couldn't place, but it was familiar.

I spent the morning fixing my hair, it was quite long, my mother hated it. She would tease me, and ask what gender I was today, she would pull it when I passed, she would threaten to cut it off. I tried to stay away from her. I spent the afternoon fixing my eyes, my lips. I always had everything I needed, makeup was easy to buy, I hid it behind the tissues and mouthwash at the store. No one was ever suspicious. I slipped on the maroon robe, it was long and soft. underneath I had a white cotton bra and panties. I had on taupe pantyhose that I bought at one of the street markets. I had the girl upstairs red heels right next to me, ready to put on, I also had her red pocketbook. The heels were perfect, they were two-inch pumps. I was always too embarrassed to buy heels, to buy almost anything to wear. The brother and sister upstairs sometimes left things on their landing, piles of clothes, backpacks, empty soda cans, and games. I just borrowed the shoes, the bag, I was going to sneak them back.

My makeup ended up quite nice, soft, red lips and dark eyes. I even had perfume, one my mother never wore. I took so many pictures, I felt so feminine. I then pulled out the dress and slipped it over my head, slightly messing up my hair. I stood in front of the mirror and fixed the dress, positioned it, pulled it slightly down, and fixed the little straps to hide the bra. It was sleeveless and short, I felt very cute, I felt ready for the next phase of my life. Someone gave me the best present, someone had faith in me.

"You look amazing."

I slipped on the bright red heels, I lost my breath I had to sit down. I started to cry, I looked so good why did I have to waste time as a boy, why did I have to pretend? I thought I looked so beautiful, I took more pictures, I fixed my hair, I put on my only clip-on earrings. I practiced my walk, I had the pocketbook slung over my shoulder, I looked perfect, I looked like I was ready for a date. I couldn't believe the dress fit so perfectly.

I heard someone in the other room, I panicked. I froze.

"What the fuck,"

I turned around it was the two from upstairs, the landlord's boy and girl, both older than me, both laughing. Their father sometimes showed up with the gas man or to check the fuse boxes. The two of them had a habit of taking the master key and walking in, stealing things from the fridge or the pantry. I was used to it but I wasn't ready to present myself in this flowered dress.

"I knew you had my fucking bag," She yelled. She grabbed it off my shoulder. "I have my driver's license in there, what's the matter with you, I knew you stole it. And when did you become such a fag." The two of them laughed even louder, it was so uncomfortable. I took off the shoes, she took them and cursed. She slammed the door and left. The young man stayed.

"You look okay in your mother's clothes." He smiled, he walked around me. I was nervous, I didn't want him to tell anyone. "You know a boy in his mother's clothes is kinda hot."

"These are mine," I said, I tried to sound femme. My hands were shaking, he was at least six inches taller than me without my shoes.

"You looked great in heels, don't you have another pair you could wear, I could go upstairs and steal another pair from Trina's." He laughed, it was weird but I didn't mind it as long as he wasn't mean, as long as he promised not to tell anyone. Well anyone else.

I slipped on a pair of black heels, they were the only ones I had back then, they were four inches high, I slipped and he caught me. He had me in his arms. He started feeling my breasts, then my hair. He then bent down and got on his knees, he put his face in the fullness of my dress, he was breathing heavily. He had his arms around my body, his hands now caressing my ass under the dress, he was rubbing my panties.

"Wow, you even smell like a girl. Mmm, does your mother know you wear her clothes?"

I didn't want to tell him again that the dress was mine. "Yes, she knows." I didn't want to tell him I had more outfits in my closet and even more at the sign store. I didn't want him to know how much of a girl I actually was.

He brought me over to the couch, we sat and he tried to kiss me. I let him kiss my cheek, my neck. I didn't mind the attention but he was too rough. Suddenly he took out his dick. I wasn't ready for it, I was surprised it made an appearance so fast. Why did men think everyone in a dress wanted some of their cock, was there something I didn't know, some rule that I never heard before? Then he took my hand and placed it right on top of it. I didn't fight it, I let him.

"Come on, play with me, I'm sure you have done this before." I didn't.

I watched his hardness grow as I played with him, he was so excited, why couldn't we talk, why couldn't we go out somewhere... maybe eat at a restaurant, go to the park and show off this new dress, why did I have to touch his dick. I played with it anyway, I didn't really mind. Sometimes Miranda would rub me, and I just did what she did, I played the female role. My preferred role, but I also wasn't as aggressive as Miranda, she would rub like she was putting out a fire, and it never got near her mouth anymore. Soon he started playing with my breasts again, he was squeezing, he was looking at my lips, and then he started to cum, he was laughing, his cum got all over his shirt and the couch.

He stood up and shook his head looking at me. I was probably a mess, I was embarrassed, but he seemed to enjoy looking at me. "You are so hot, you look just like a girl. Call me the next time you go in your mother's closet, we have to do this again." He took money out of his wallet and threw it on the table. "Buy some red heels." He laughed, he left. He was here for ten minutes.

He came back five minutes later for the master key, I was still shocked and sitting quietly on the couch. "Trina is so pissed." He laughed and left again. I stayed in the flowered dress all day. I cleaned the house, then I wore my nightgown all night while my mother stayed somewhere near Disneyland.

He would visit me regularly, I never wanted to know his name.

***

As it started to get colder in Martinsville, life became quieter. I sadly saw less of Owen and the rock, he became busy, he worked late, and his store was ramping up for the holidays. I visited, I clicked down the aisles in my new heels, and said hello to the few workers I was introduced to. We usually ended up kissing in one of the quiet back storerooms.

"Is it okay that I'm here, will anyone be mad?"

He would have this huge smile on his face, a huge hard-on in his pants. "No one will ever be mad." And we would kiss. His tongue would investigate my mouth, I felt so content. I would open his flannel shirt, I would put my hands up his t-shirt, and scratch him with my long nails. He would be surprised at how much the top half of his body turned me on. I was realizing I had never been able to do this before, never had a man I could just feel, just touch, I didn't have to just imagine.

Sometimes I gave him a handjob hidden by all the budding Christmas trees. He would be laying down, his zipper wide open, his cock springing right out. I would kneel next to him, once again my fingers playing with him, marveling at how much he was enjoying our affair.

"It's nice getting into the Holiday spirit so early." I tickled him and brought my hands down to his balls, he would pull me in closer to kiss. The smell of pine fighting with my perfume.

"Is that what we are doing?"

"It is." I would then stop kissing, I would look into his eyes, I wanted to see the moment he became excited. He would breathe heavily, the customers, mowers, and slight wind covering his sounds. He would cum in my hand and I would let him watch me lick it all off. Having access to a male body was amazing, even though I wanted and needed it more than almost anything. Who would have guessed that Martinsville would be the place to meet a man who would spend time with me? LA was full of them, all non-judgemental, all open-minded, all gorgeous, but I had to fly three thousand miles to find one with all the perfect attributes. I had to find one who would just want to be with me.

Sometimes I just brought him lunch.

*

I had to buy winter clothes, Terri had to buy summer ones, she was going to Disneyland.

"Sabrina do you like this?"

Terri was holding a swimsuit. It was a one-piece, I could imagine myself wearing it. "It's nice but doesn't Mike want to see your sexy belly?"

"Ha, I do not have a sexy belly."

"Are you sure, maybe you better check with your husband?" I found her a bikini, I found her three of them, I made her try them on. I made her buy them all, she bought the one piece too.

We both left the shops with two huge shopping bags. Two winter, two summer, two sides of the coin.

*

At the beginning of November, I became spoiled. Life was being too good for me. Terri and I went food shopping and clothing shopping some more, we went out to eat, she let me babysit the kids. Sometimes she even invited Owen and me for dinner.

I always stopped and talked to Milly at the restaurant, I brought her flowers, I brought her some books, she was always happy to see me. Sometimes we even went to a different restaurant for lunch. My favorite was still visiting Owen, I met his parents and more of his co-workers, I met the little dog that rambles around the shop. Sometimes I met him at his house and sometimes I met him at the Morrison's old one. He even used to come with me to my doctor's appointments.

Sometimes we just stayed in my Jeep or his large tan car. His car matched my nude heels.

Tonight, my house was spotless, my plants were watered, and my music was filling up the air. I was wearing my long, fitted denim dress. It was short-sleeved and my breasts looked quite nice, I looked nicely stacked, I was proud of the way my body was developing. All the hormones, the supplements, the wishing, and the exercise were finally doing their job. The waist of the dress was tighter and the hem came to my ankles, showing off my suntan pantyhose at the ankle, showing off my new three-inch black sandals.

I was washing dishes, I was preparing some of my favorite desserts, I was preparing my favorite drinks. I was having company. I was trying to keep my long hair out of my eyes.

I heard the bell, "Sabrina, we're here!"

I dried, I skipped to the front door, I couldn't wait. I had the screen door locked, In my mind there were always kids in the house now, roaming around, eating 'Fruit Snacks,' calling me Auntie.

"Oh my god, Aunt Joanie?" I had a huge smile on my face, I had a huge soapy wet spot on my breasts and waist, she hugged me anyway.

"Ha, ha, yes. So nice to finally meet you. Sorry, it has taken so long to get back to the old neighborhood, the old house." I pulled back to look at her, she was tiny, and she had tears in her eyes. She handed me flowers, she handed me a box of candy, she gave me a book. "I hope you haven't read this one."

I let them in, I got a vase for the flowers and we sat at the kitchen table, it was my favorite place to entertain. Terri and I could spend hours here listening to music, drinking wine, talking about our sexual escapades with our men. Sometimes she would call late at night and Mike would drop her off, she would knock on the back door, she would bring over homemade Lemoncello, homemade lasagne, sometimes drawings from the kids. Sometimes I wouldn't let her leave, I made her stay in my guest bedroom, I had a sign on it that said 'Terri's Room.'

We were too quiet as I poured my famous orange sangria, as I made the music lower, as I felt the two of them study my hands, my eyes, my smile.

"You are very pretty dear." Joanie was touching my hand, she seemed on the verge of crying again. I could tell she loved the house but was probably missing her husband. "Terri tells me you are traditioning."

I smiled, "Well that, as well as transitioning too," We laughed, it was nice, I liked sharing her aunt, I liked the sound of voices filling my empty house. I gave her the tour and she told me what all the rooms used to contain. She told me her husband was a big reader too, he had libraries in the exact same spots. Every room was full of books and magazines and music.

"Would you like to see some pictures?" She asked.

"I would." And Terri took the albums out of one of the bags. I made room, I filled up everyone's glass, we all squeezed together on one side of the table.

"This is James, my husband." There were a lot of pictures of him, he was a salesman, he did lots of traveling, he even lived in LA for a while. "He had beautiful blonde hair, he looked like a surfer." She smiled, then put her fingers through my hair.

"Just like mine?"

"Just like yours and just like the kids."

Terri laughed, we turned to look at her pretty face, her big dark eyes. "I guess I am the only blonde from a bottle."

"No," I giggled, "You are the only BEAUTIFUL blonde from a bottle, Martinsville doesn't seem to have too many of us."

"Well, there used to be more." Aunt Joanie's voice was cracking, then she closed the photo book, she closed her eyes, she took a big sip of her drink. "This is wonderful dear, did you make it?"

"I did, I put lots of things in a pitcher, I mixed, I hoped for the best. Sometimes I have a winner and sometimes... I don't." I shrugged, and she hugged me. We stayed off the topics of blondes and family and the house. We stuck to the themes of the neighborhood, the shops, and the music seeping in from the other room.

"James loved music too. I have all of his records and tapes and um, CDs in the house in Delaware. It suddenly seems so far away."

"Well if you like you can stay here, you can sleep in Terri's room."

She looked at Terri, "You have your own room?"

"I do, I am a local celebrity, there are signs all over town that say Terri Morrison slept here." We giggled, it was nice, but I was very melancholy that they had to leave. I walked them to the car, we hugged, both had tears in their eyes as they drove away. I wouldn't have tears in my eyes until I was alone in my bed. They would be gone for three weeks, they would be in LA. I would miss them. I would miss all of them, terribly. Terri asked me to go, but I couldn't go back to LA, at least not yet.

In bed I finally let myself cry and I didn't know why. I was quite happy.

*
My room was so perfect, I was so comfortable...

After high school, when I was with Miranda, I thought things were fine. Fine enough. I knew she was moody, I knew I could have regular sex with her, it was a trade-off. Back then I used to get this feeling in my shoulders, my back, even my fingers. I had a high threshold for physical pain, I was beaten up an awful lot when I was a kid. There were so many angry little rich kids who had angry big poor kids to do their bidding, their fighting for them. They took a dislike to me right away. I didn't play sports, I lived in a tiny apartment, under someone else's tiny house, I didn't have a father and my mother was quite nasty, to me. Well to everyone, to be fair, not just me. She wasn't that popular in the neighborhood. I couldn't understand how she could have so many boyfriends, so many returning ones, she must have been a fantastic lover. I hoped that was the one thing I would inherit from her.

After my first time with the young man upstairs, he visited often. Sometimes he knocked even when Miranda was with me, he never used the key unlike his sister, and he always had a sly smile on his face, he knew a secret and I could tell he couldn't wait to tell everyone. His sister surprisingly said nothing about me borrowing her shoes, but she avoided me more than she used to. Miranda hated both of them, especially him, all she did was curse and make fun of him. He just seemed indifferent, he didn't mind sharing me.

Suddenly he was always around. He was always waiting for a chance for us to be together, for me to dress up for him. I would come home from my night with Miranda and he would be waiting on the steps in front of the little house. He would be holding a bag of his sisters' clothes, sometimes some of his mothers', but I wouldn't put them on, I told him I had my own, even though he would beg.

I started to get comfortable with him, I felt my personality coming through, I wasn't a scared little 'girl' anymore. I would ask him all types of questions, I wanted to know what he found attractive.

"Do you like my legs?" I would ask while modeling a short green dress, garter belt, and stockings hiding underneath. I thought I was so sexy, stylish, I wished Miranda was more like this, more like me. "Do you like my makeup? I just bought a new palette of colors."

He would shrug, he would already be playing with his cock. I could tell he was more interested in the fact that I wasn't all girl, that is what turned him on. He always checked my panties, he always checked my breasts, he was always concentrating on a part of my body that I didn't want him to concentrate on.

"Well?" I would hold up my hem, I wanted to distract him, I would try to smile as seductively as I could.

"No, no it's great, you look so hot, it's just I like to think of you playing around in your mother's closet." I would hold my dress, showing off my flat crotch in my panties, he would just watch. "God, you are so feminine but as a guy, you're not. I love that one minute you are a boy, then you disappear and presto, you are a girl."

After a while I got used to the direction of our little affair, I knew what he liked, even though I wanted something different, something more. I think I wanted him to fall in love with me. I knew my mother thought of me as a distraction, she was somehow getting money for me, social security maybe, I didn't really know. I knew she didn't love me, and Miranda, well, she couldn't love anyone but herself.

My trysts with the neighbor were always so quick, it was like something he had to get done, finish up. Sometimes I would suck his cock for twenty minutes, he would finally let me play with him, he would let me practice taking it as far into my mouth as I could. The whole time he would beg me to wear a wig. He wanted me to feel less real, less like a real woman.

"Come on, I'll buy one. I can get one of those long bright red ones, or even a black one, something completely different." And he did, and I would wear them for him.

Then after he came, he would clean up, he would tell me he was going to a girlfriend's house to take her out, go to a concert or a baseball game. I didn't understand why he just wouldn't take me. I was better looking than all of his girlfriends, I was nicer and I had a better wardrobe. I was sure his sex life was better with me too, but I couldn't be sure, maybe he was just always hard. If he asked, I would have easily dropped Miranda for HIM. I felt more genuine being with a man.

"Ugh... stop it!" I breathed out, my mind was going somewhere I didn't want it to go. I try not to revel in my time in LA, I was now a different person, in a different wonderful town.

I wanted to dwell on something else, anything else.

I started thinking, I was completely indifferent to mental pain, I didn't have any. I was never depressed, I was never suicidal, I was just always anxious. Moving to Martinsville and thinking back, I realized I wasn't anxious about being late, I wasn't nervous about missing class, or work, or a green light. When I was younger I was anxious because I wanted to return to being a girl, a new girl. That was what I was always anxious about, right from the beginning, right from my mother's womb near Hollywood and Vine. Now lying in bed, missing Terri, missing Owen I wasn't in physical or mental pain. I was in some sort of limbo, something changed again, something happened, but I wasn't perceptive enough to know what it was. Tomorrow I would enjoy myself, I would have fun, I would put on my favorite, sexiest outfit, unfortunately, I would be by myself.

*

"Oh my god, you are so gorgeous." I was posing in front of my mirror, it was huge, it took up half of my bedroom wall. When I was still in LA I had two men come and fix up my new house in New Jersey, make it more beautiful, more feminine. I had to imagine what it looked like, I was three thousand miles away.

They called me and asked. 'Half the wall? Are you sure?'

"Can you imagine they thought I was silly, vane, crazy, didn't they know I was from LA? That's how EVERYone is. There are mirrors all over the place." I was talking to the blonde, she was wearing the outfit she wore when she first went to Kane's Rock when she first met Owen. She of course was me.

"I wish we had even more."

*

I was alone, I had a thermos of coffee, I had the Andrea Kane book that Owen gave me, I was wearing a coat. I only owned two, Terri picked out this one, it was warm, black, and furry. Underneath I had on my most tantalizing outfit, I wanted to dress sexier again, I wanted to dress for me, I wanted to dress as I did in LA. Owen was busy, he wasn't calling. I would drink, I would read, I would imagine I was the sexy woman in the book. Why not? I deserved a little romance.

It became very clear to me, immediately, that Tasmin, the heroine in the novel wouldn't be wearing a black push-up bra or thin black panties. There was no way she was wearing black sheer stockings with a large red lacy band on the elastic. There was no way she was wearing a short black skirt showing off her legs, and she was definitely not wearing a sheer red fishnet top, sleeves covering her palms. There is no way she was standing in seven-inch platform Pleasers either, glossy black with two red ankle straps. There was no way her eyelashes were long, dark, her lips red, glossy, her earrings big, red, and plastic. It also became clear to me this book wasn't a romance novel.

I closed it, I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath. The first time I came here it was so foggy but now it was so clear, clear like my mind. I opened my eyes, feeling my longer than usual lashes, I stretched, I glanced at my legs, I pulled up my stockings. There was no way I wasn't the sexiest little thing in Martinsville.

"Martinsville can you smell my perfume?" I called, the trees soaking up my voice. "Can someone come and caress my legs? Can someone come and take me to dinner, a movie, a factory, anywhere?"

I would love to have known what Owen thought about me the first time he saw me perched on this rock, my legs crossed, my eyes closed looking up at the cloudy late afternoon sky. I would love to know how long it took him to inch closer to me. I wanted to know if he thought I was real, at least at first. How he felt the first time he held my hand, touched my cheek, and played with my hair.

"Martinsville, I am real, come touch me." I giggled, I shook my hair around my face and then slipped my hood over it.

I looked at my tiny gold watch, it was late, I read almost two hundred pages, my ass was sore. I decided I would ask Owen. I was going to be cute, you know, just see how he felt the first time he saw his future girlfriend. I would see if he was home, just stop by the gorgeous boyfriend's house, take him some lukewarm coffee. Let him touch me.

*

Ten minutes later I was leaving the trees, I saw the house clearly. It was late afternoon, it was getting dark. I had a bag over my shoulder holding the book he gave me, a thermos, my purse, and a toy mower. Terri and I found it when we went shopping, it was cute, it was an exact replica of Owen's. I was hoping he would put it on one of his bookshelves, I was hoping he would think of me when he saw it. I walked closer, the lights were on, there were two cars in front. He was definitely home.

I walked closer, I pulled off my hood, I put on more of my red lipstick, a little of my lips gloss, I smushed my lips then walked up the stairs. His house was too big, the porch was too wide, the wooden door was wide open.

Knock, knock, knock. "Owen, it's me."

Then I saw her. Through the screen, she shook her head, he walked by her, he came to the screen. "Oh, um, hi."

I looked up at him, my coat was open showing off my non-Martinsville outfit. He stepped outside as I moved back and down a step.

We were quiet, I looked behind him, she was behind the screen, she was watching.

He looked, he glanced back, "Um, Sabrina, Faye is here." I shook my head, I knew it was her. She wasn't happy to see me, I could tell she wasn't happy I left LA.

"Ask her what she wants." Faye was getting anxious, she wanted to get back to whatever they were doing before I interrupted them.

"Um, I'm sorry, Faye stopped by. Can I call you later?"

"Tell her Owen." I heard her, she sounded annoyed.

I looked into his eyes, "Tell me what?"

"Ahh, it's just, um, we were just talking about, you know, us. I don't even know what to say, sometimes I am afraid to go visit you." He wasn't looking at me, I wasn't used to him talking like this.

"Why?"

"Well, I don't know if you are going to be a man or a woman, I just don't know, what happens..."

"What? What are you talking about? Why would I be a man? I am not a man."

Faye then came outside. "Well he doesn't know, what is your situation, tell us then."

I looked at him, I avoided her gaze, I suddenly had tears in my eyes, Owen was just like all the other men in my life. I thought he was different. I remembered how long it took him to take me out, to see the town, to be with other people. It just took longer for us to become intimate, I thought it was nice, I thought I was being courted, now I realize he just didn't understand me.

"Why are you talking to me like this?" I started to lightly cry as I walked down the stairs. I felt tears on my cheeks, I held my bag tighter. "Why are you being mean to me?"

"Sabrina, I'm not, I just don't know, I don't want to be surprised."

"Surprised?" I didn't understand his reasoning at all. I turned, I walked away.

"That's why he won't screw you." I heard Faye, it was the last time I heard her voice. I kept walking. I had to switch directions, I was walking towards the rock, I needed to go home.

"Sabrina, I just..."

I stopped him. "Don't talk to me." I headed back, I made it home, I was sad and had no one to talk to. No one. I called Uncle Creme.

*

My mother knew Uncle Creme before I was born. She started to date him when I was young, she needed legal advice, he knew a bit of everything. He was around more than any of the other Uncle's. He was around for years, he still was surprising. Whenever I needed something he was there. Whenever I had a problem and wanted to make it go away, he was there. He got me out of my mother's house, he got me out of LA, now he was going to get me out of Martinsville.

"No Sabrina, please stay. It's a nice town."

I was crying, I wanted to talk to Terri but I didn't want to bother her on vacation. I wanted to talk to Milly, but I knew she was Owen's friend, she would be on his side. I was sure she knew who Faye was.

I cried as he consoled me. An hour later, I agreed. I told him about Kane's Rock, I told him how relaxed I felt there, complete.

"You should visit it every day, it is probably more yours than anybody else's, it could be your safe place."

"Maybe."

"Just give it a chance, just a little more time."

"Okay, I'll try. Goodbye and thank you. I miss you. Don't tell my mother I called."

"I won't, I never do."

I was ready to be alone, at least until the Morrison's came back. Owen and Faye could go screw themselves, using her own childish term. They could screw each other and leave me alone, they could go suck then choke on their engagement rings.

***

The End (Part 3 or 4)