Chapter 1
How it started

  “Mom, Grandma sent me nylon panties again,” Pam complained when she opened Grandma’s Christmas present.

  “That’s nice dear. Be sure to send her a nice thank you,” Mom told her.

  “A thank you? But I don’t want nylon panties. I wear cotton, doesn’t she know that?”

  “Grandma grew up when all girls wore nylon panties and appreciated some fancy panties as gifts. Now, put them away and write a thank you note.”

  “I might as well give them to Jimmy. He’s more likely to wear them than I am. I’ll never wear them and I sure won’t wear the other ones that he’s already worn.”

  “I don’t care what you do with them. Give them to Jimmy, throw them away or put them in your drawer; just write a thank you to Grandma.”

  “How can I write a thank you for a present I don’t want without lying?”

  “You just say, ‘Your present arrived today, they’re very pretty. Thank you,’ and sign it.”

  My mind went back to the time she was talking about when she said, “…the other ones that he’s already worn.” She was talking about the ones Grandma sent her for her birthday the previous summer.

Well, it happened in August when our washing machine broke down. Mom hadn’t done our school shopping yet and of course, it broke down when I needed underwear washed.

  “Mom,” I yelled, “I don’t have any clean underwear.”

  “Just a minute, I’ll be right there.”

  I was standing in my room wearing my robe, my hair still wet from the bath, looking into my empty underwear drawer.

  “Here,” Mom said as she came in. “You can wear these.”

  “But those are Pam’s panties.”

  “I know, but that’s all there is. You can’t go around with no underwear.”

  “Well, couldn’t I wear some of her cotton ones? These are nylon and all girly.”

  “No, she wears the cotton ones. These are all she’s willing to share.”

  I gave her a look of disgust.

  “Look, the repair man is coming today. You’ll have your regular underwear tomorrow.”

  “Oh, all right, I’ll wear them.”

  Mom left and I was in disbelief that I was about to put on girl’s underwear… nylon, frilly, girly girl’s underwear!

  As I drew them up my legs, I was taken with how soft they were. I embarrassed myself by thinking that they felt good. ‘Unum, nice. … Come on! What kind of guy would think that it felt good to wear girl’s underwear? … A guy who has them on. … Come on; get real!’

  Well, that was the beginning. I can tell you that it was really distracting to wear that underwear that day. Every time I moved, I could feel them caressing my butt and every time I bent over or squatted down, I was sure that my pants were pulling down and exposing what kind of underwear I was wearing. Hanging out at the school shooting hoops, the guys must have thought I’d lost it because every time I turned around, I was pulling up my pants.

  Coming home, I was almost giddy with relief. I made it through the day without anyone knowing I was wearing my sister's underwear. I had a little conversation with myself.

“Mom will surely have done the wash by the time I get home. I’ll change into my underwear and be done with this.”

  “Do you really want to change? I mean, how bad is it, really?”

  “Of course I want to change. I’m a boy and these are girls’ underwear.”

  “But what’s the sense in dirtying a pair of underwear for just a few hours?”

  “Well, none I guess, but….”

  At that point, I spied a nickel on the ground and bent to pick it up.

  ‘… And they do feel good,’ I told myself, straightening up and enjoying the caress of the soft fabric. “What difference does it make now?”

  So when I got the bad news, I really didn’t mind that much.

  “Jimmy, the repairman didn’t have the parts on his truck that he needed for the washing machine. He thinks they may have the parts back in the shop, but if not, they’ll have to come out of the distributor's warehouse.”

  “OK, mom.”

  “Are you going to be OK? I mean, you’ll have to wear another pair of your sister's underwear tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I got through today OK.”

  “Well, go to your sister’s room and get another pair for tomorrow. Remember, the nylon ones only.”

  Standing in her room, I couldn’t believe that I was there picking out a pair of frilly girl’s underwear for me to wear the next day. I took the silky garment to my room to put in my underwear drawer. But before I actually deposited them in the drawer, I held them a few minutes, rubbing the soft fabric between my fingers and thinking about wearing them. I felt a smile creep over my mouth. I was yanked back from my revelry by Mom’s voice.

  “Jimmy, put those away and come help me in the kitchen,” she said from my doorway.

  I quickly dropped the panties in my drawer and hurried to the kitchen with my face burning red. When I came into the kitchen, Mom saw my embarrassment, wrapped me in her arms and brushed my hair back with her hand. After holding me for a minute, she kissed the top of my head and said, “I need to redo the shelf paper and I want you to climb up on the counter and help me place it before it sticks down.”

  “OK.”

  She had a chair next to the counter, so I slipped off my shoes and climbed up; then she used the chair to get to the right height and we spent the next half an hour or so redoing her shelf paper. After which, she hugged me again.

  I kind of forgot about the panties until bedtime, except when I went to the bathroom after dinner. I usually sleep in my underwear, so that meant I slept in the panties. When I first got in bed, I rolled over on my side and tried to go to sleep. I found myself reaching down to run my hand over my butt. I was fascinated with the feel of the material and my own butt under it. I did manage to get to sleep after a while.

  In the morning, I bathed as usual and walking back to my room. I discovered I was excited about the panties I was about to put on. You could say I was looking forward to it.

  It was another nervous day with the guys. I mean, who wouldn’t be nervous? All my buddies could have discovered me wearing girl's underwear at any moment. We spent the day hanging around by the river, with me pulling up my pants again. My nerves were for naught.

  “Hi Mom,” I called as I came in.

  “I’m in the kitchen,” she called back.

  “Have a good day?” she asked as I came in.

  “I guess.”

  “Want some milk and cookies?”

  That was unusual. Mom hadn’t offered me milk and cookies in the afternoon since I was in second grade.

  “Sure.”

  She put them on the table and sat across from me.

  “Jimmy,” she said, “the repairman left not five minutes ago and your sister has a soccer game tonight, so I’m going to wait until morning to do the wash. OK?”

  “Sure,” I said cheerfully.

  “That means there won’t be any of your regular underwear when you get dressed tomorrow. You’ll have to wear that other pair of Pam’s panties. Are you going to be OK with that?”

  I shrugged. “OK.”

  She smiled at me and went back to fixing dinner. Pam was home ten minutes later and babbling about soccer. She ate dinner in her "strip" (which I’ve always thought was a strange thing to call a uniform) and we were off to her game. At the game, I was able to forget about the underwear as I got into cheering for her team.

  In the morning, I didn’t bother to bathe again. I couldn’t keep from grinning as I donned the panties for the third day in a row. After some cereal for breakfast, I went to watch some TV. I could hear the washing machine going. About forty-five minutes later, Mom announced, “The whites are done. You can change your underwear if you want to.”

  “OK, Mom,” I said. “After the movie is over, OK?”

  “Sure. Whenever you’re ready.”

  It’s funny. I thought I’d be champing at the bit to change and go play with my friends, but I just hung around the house all day, finding all kinds of excuses to wait to change all the way up to bedtime. Then, of course, why bother? Sunday morning, I surprised myself. Instead of just getting up and putting on clean underwear, I hesitated at the drawer. Somehow, my usual jockey shorts looked too plain and boring. For the first time I can remember, I wore the same underwear for a second day. I don’t know why I did that. I mean, I could have changed at any time that day, but I didn’t. It wasn’t until Monday that I decided to put on my regular underwear. But that was that. I really didn’t think about it until Pam complained to Mom at Christmas. …

  The whole episode kind of preyed on my mind. Sometimes, out of the blue, I’d be sitting somewhere, staring off into space and come to realize that I was remembering just what it felt like to wear those panties. I can even remember what snapped me back one time. I thought, ‘Girls are lucky. Boys don’t have anything like that to wear.’ Now I ask you; what kind of thought is that for a 10-year-old boy?

Chapter 2
Why Grandma did it

  The day after Christmas, I went to get dressed and found six pairs of fancy panties in my underwear drawer. I froze looking at them. There were the pairs that I had worn in August and the three that Grandma had just sent Pam for Christmas. Shaking a little, I put on my underwear, my usual underwear. After getting dressed, I banged on Pam’s door.

  “Very funny Pam,” I shouted.

  She opened her door, holding her robe closed with one hand. “What?” she asked, looking all innocent.

  “Your panties. You can take them out of my drawer now.”

  “They’re not mine anymore. Mom said I could give them to you; you heard her, so I did.”

  “She said you could put them in your drawer or throw them away. I don’t want them; take them back.”

  “I told you, they’re not mine anymore. If you don’t want them, you throw them away. But I’m betting you won’t because you really like wearing them. Anyway, they’re yours to do with as you like.” With that, she closed the door; conversation over.

  Well, I didn’t throw them away. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. They were just too nice and three of them hadn’t even been worn. ‘I’ll give them to Goodwill, or something,’ I told myself. But I never did. They just sat in my drawer ignored until spring break.

  Well, not entirely ignored. It seems that at least once a week, I’d spend some time staring at them and a few times, I caressed them as I remembered how it felt to wear them. Then there was that Saturday, wash day, that I decided to wear a pair, under my jeans. It was a day that I was supposed to stay home and help Mom with the yard work, so I had no worries about the guys seeing them. I reasoned that mostly, I’d be mowing the grass and any bending I needed to do; it would be easy to face Mom, so there’d be very little chance she could see.

  That was a mistake. Oh, I got away with not letting Mom see them and even figured out how to wash them by hand in the bathroom sink. I hung them on a loose nail in my closet all day Sunday before they went back in the drawer. What made it a mistake was that I thought they preyed on my mind before; ha! That was only teasing. Now, every time I saw them, a voice in the back of my head would make comments. ‘Those are really nice. You know they’re yours; you can wear them anytime you want.’ I renewed my resolve to give them to Goodwill, only there was never a time when I could do it. Looking back, there were lots of times, only I always found something more important to do… like watch television. However, I did resist the urge to wear them again. Even though I got away with it, I realized that I had been extremely lucky to do so.

  Over Spring Break, Grandma came for a visit and we all did some fun things with her for the first few days, then it was back to normal. I had been in the bathroom and as I was going down the stairs, I heard Grandma talking to Pam.

  “Pam, I was putting the laundry away and I noticed the nice panties I sent you for your birthday and Christmas are in Jimmy’s drawer? Did you know that?”

  “Yeah, I gave them to him.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, when the washer broke down last August, he ran out of underwear and wore the ones you sent for my birthday. He seemed to like them and I prefer cotton underwear, so I gave them to him. He’s a lot more likely to wear them than I am.”

  I couldn’t take anymore. I ran outside to find the guys and do guy stuff. ‘How could she say such things? “He seemed to like them.” How would she know? I should have thrown them away.’

  Well, nothing more was said and I still didn’t do anything with those panties. They just sat in my drawer.

  Then came my birthday.

  “Ah, Mom, I think Grandma made a mistake.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Look what she sent me for my birthday,” I said, holding up one of three fancy lace panties that were in the box.

  “Oh, those are nice. Be sure to send her a thank you note.”

  “But Mom, these are girl’s panties.”

  “Yes, but they are very nice panties.”

  “But why…?” then I remembered what Pam told her over spring break. “It’s Pam’s fault. She told Grandma about me wearing her panties when the washer broke down and she told her I liked them.”

  “Well, yes, she did. Grandma told me about that and asked me if it was true. I couldn’t deny it. So I guess Grandma likes buying fancy panties as gifts and wanted to buy them for someone who would appreciate them.”

  “But what am I supposed to do with them?”

  “Put them in your drawer with the rest of them, but be sure to write a nice thank you note.”

  OK, so I put them in my drawer and wrote the note. I didn’t really know what to say, so I tried to remember what Mom had told Pam to write:

  OK, so I put them in my drawer and wrote the note. I didn’t really know what to say, so I tried to remember what Mom had told Pam to write:

  Dear Grandma,

  Your gift arrived today. They’re very pretty. I love them.

  Thank you.

  Jimmy.

  ‘There, that should do it,’ I thought.

  A couple of days later, Mom was on the phone when I came in.

   “Oh, here he is now. Do you want to talk to him?” She nodded and handed the phone to me. “It’s Grandma. She got your note and she’s glad you liked her gift.”

  “Grandma?”

  “Hi Jimmy. I just wanted to tell your mother that you sent a very nice thank you for the panties I sent you. I'm glad you liked them. I guess Pam doesn’t really like that kind of thing and I so like buying them. It’s nice to buy them for someone who really appreciates them.”

  “Ah, yeah, sure.”

  “You really did like them, didn’t you? You didn’t just say that to make me feel good, did you?”

  “Oh no, I really do like them. I mean, they’re very pretty and all. I don’t know why Pam doesn’t like them.”

  “Have you worn them yet?”

  “Ah no, I’m saving them for a special occasion. I mean, they’re too nice to wear every day.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that, but you have plenty. Maybe you could wear them on weekends.”

  “Ah, yeah, maybe. Ah, here’s Mom.”

  I handed the phone to Mom and ran upstairs. ‘That was embarrassing. Oh God. Grandma thinks I really like wearing them; that I really wanted them. What do I do now? Is she going to ask me if I wore them again? Will she buy me more?’

Chapter 3
Going to Grandma’s

  Nothing more was said about it until the end of the school year.

  “Grandma wants each of you to come visit for a month each, again this summer,” Mom announced over dinner. “Jimmy, you’ll go first this year. I’ll pack your suitcase while you’re at school on Tuesday and Grandma will be here to take you to her house when you get home. We’ll all get together over the 4th of July and you’ll come home with me and Pam will go for her month.”

  So, I came home from school on Tuesday and Grandma was waiting. “I’ve laid out some clean clothes on your bed,” Mom told me. “Run up and change and be quick so you guys can get there before dark.”

  On my bed were some shorts, a pullover shirt and a pair of those panties. There was a note pinned to the panties.

  Grandma specifically asked if you could wear these, so please put them on and act as if you wear them often.

  ‘Oh boy, now what do I do?’
  I took a deep breath and got dressed. I found my heart beating a little fast as I put on the panties. It was just too much like before. They did feel great, but I really shouldn’t like wearing them. I mean, they’re girls’ underwear and I’m a guy.

  I managed to get dressed and downstairs in a reasonable time.

  “Have fun with Grandma,” Mom told me as I climbed into her car for the three-hour drive to her house.

  Grandma was talkative on the way to her house. She went on and on about the fun we were going to have and how she so looked forward to my visit. That was odd. I mean Pam and I had been spending a month in the summer with Grandma for three years now, ever since Dad left. Always before, she had very little to say on the way to her house and mostly I was on my own for entertainment. Actually, it was a bit of a drag to go there. There weren’t any kids in her neighborhood. It was a mostly empty-nesters. The only hope was some of them might have grandchildren come visit while I was there. Pam, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy her time. She always came home with lots of junk that Grandma bought her. She complained about the dorky clothes that Grandma wanted to buy her and told tales of how she managed to talk her out of it.

  I really didn’t pay too much attention to what Grandma was saying. Instead, I reclined my seat and looked out the window. I guess I must have fallen asleep because Grandma woke me, touching my arm. “I don’t feel like cooking when we get home. Let’s go in and get dinner here,” she said.

  I looked around and saw we were in a restaurant’s parking lot. As we got out, Grandma said, “Oh, you’ve mussed your hair; let me fix it.” We stood next to the car while Grandma took out my ponytail and brushed my hair. “You know you have really nice hair, but it would be better if it were trimmed a little, just to even up the ends.

  “You really shouldn’t use a rubber band in your ponytail. It’s hard on your hair,” she told me as she started to refasten it. “Oh dear, the rubber band broke. I think I have something in my purse we can use.” She rummaged around a bit and said, “Ah, here it is.” With that, she brushed my hair up and redid my ponytail, a little higher than I would have. We went in and were seated by a hostess.

  While we were looking at the menus, the waitress came up from behind me and said, “What can I get you ladies?”

  Ladies? I looked at Grandma with a question in my eyes. She furrowed her brow and gave a slight shake of her head, “No.”

  “I’ll have the Cob Salad. What would you like dear?”

  “Ah, can I have a cheeseburger?”

  The waitress left with our order. “I was just going to tell her I was a boy,” I said.

  “No need to embarrass her. It was an honest mistake and it’s not like you’ll ever see her again.”

  I noticed that the waitress paid more attention to me than I was used to in these situations. Then, she made a remark that I really didn’t understand. She smiled at me as she put the check down and said, “I used to be a tomboy at your age.” She winked at Grandma and left. ‘What’s her having been a tomboy got to do with anything?’

  When we got to Grandma’s house and I finally got ready for bed, I found out why the waitress made the mistake about me being a girl. Grandma had fastened my ponytail not just a little high; she fastened it all the way up to my crown, so it kind of stuck up before it went back down. And not only that, but what she found to replace my rubber band with wasn’t a plain hair tie, but a scrunchie, kind of an off-white with yellow and pink flowers on it. It was as about as girly as you could get.

  Then, when I unpacked, I got another surprise. Mom hadn’t packed any boys’ underwear at all, but instead, I found all eight remaining pairs of panties. ‘I guess I’ll be wearing panties for a month. At least none of my friends will be around if they show when I bend over or anything.’ Since my bedtime attire is my underwear, I slept in the panties.

  Grandma woke me at about 8:30 the next morning. “Up and at ’em sleepyhead,” she said, knocking on the bedroom door. “I’ve called Arlene and she said she has an opening at 10:00, so get a quick shower. Wash your hair and use my shampoo and conditioner.”

  I found my robe and made my way to the shower. Grandma always had us take showers, while Mom had us take baths. Grandma never gave me instructions about my hair before, so I thought it was a little strange this time. When I was done with my shower, I was faced with the predicament of what to wear. Mom, having packed for me, put me at her mercy for things to wear. Rummaging through my clothes, I came up with a pair of shorts and a yellow T-shirt. White socks and tennie runners completed the outfit. Back in the bathroom, I brushed out my wet hair and went to pull it back in its usual ponytail and realized that the only thing I had to pull it back with was that scrunchie that Grandma had used yesterday. Taking it off the counter, I looked at it with a jaundiced eye. Finally, I just stuffed it in my pocket and headed for the kitchen, hoping I could find a rubber band there.

  Grandma was in the kitchen when I got there. “Sit down. I’ll get you some breakfast.” I sat and waited as she put some French toast in a hot skillet.

  As I ate, I asked, “Grandma, do you have any rubber bands around here?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Why?”

  “I need one for my ponytail.”

  “I told you yesterday that you shouldn’t use a rubber band. What happened to that hair tie I put in it yesterday?”

  “That’s a scrunchie, Grandma. Girls wear scrunchies.”

  “Well, you wore one yesterday and it didn’t hurt you. But I’ll tell you what. Wear it this morning and while we’re out, we’ll buy some other, less girly hair ties. Where is it?”

  “Here it is,” I said, taking it out of my pocket.

  “You just keep eating and I’ll fix your hair.”

  She did it again. She pulled my ponytail up high, up to the crown of my head and tied it off with the scrunchie. ‘Great! Now everyone will think I’m a girl again.’

  When I was done, I put my dishes in the sink. “Come on Jimmy. We have just enough time to get to Arlene’s. ‘Who is Arlene and why do we want to go there,’ was my unasked question. I was soon to find out.

Chapter 4
The bet

  We pulled up into a strip mall and parked in front of a place called, “Arlene’s House of Style.” ‘Grandma must have a hair appointment. I don’t know why I couldn’t have stayed home.’ Inside, we were greeted by a rather tall, husky-built blonde. ‘Bleached, I bet.’

  “Hi Arlene,” Grandma said. “Well, what do you think? Can you do anything with this?” she asked, pulling my nearly dry ponytail out.

  “I’d be surprised if I couldn’t. I've worked with a lot less. ‘Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly, ’” she said, taking my arm and guiding me to a barber-type chair in front of a sink. A funny sink with an odd dip in the front. I felt a little like a fly in a spider’s parlor as she draped a cape around me, just like at the barbers, but pink. It was me with the appointment, not Grandma.

  She combed my hair out with a big comb. “Yes, you’re right, definitely needs the split ends trimmed and a little styling wouldn’t hurt.”

  She jacked up the chair and laid it back and I found out what the dip in the sink was for. It cradled my neck. “We’ll just wet it down good and see what we can do,” she told me. I wasn’t sure just what was going on, but she began snipping at the back of my head and then combed and brushed it a bit. Then she gathered the hair at the top of my head and held it in her left hand as she snipped it there some. Then she got out a blow dryer and aimed it at my hair while she brushed it. Soon, she was done. “Much better, don’t you think?” she asked my Grandmother.

  “Oh yes, much better,” she agreed as she came to stand next to Arlene.

  “Do you still want it in a ponytail?” Arlene asked me. I nodded. While she had been blow-drying my hair, Arlene had blocked my view of the mirror, now Grandma did. Arlene stepped behind me and gathered my hair up in a high ponytail, like Grandma did and caught it with the scrunchie. This time, it was different. I could feel hair at the front that wasn’t caught in the ponytail.

  “Will this cover what we owe you?” Grandma asked, handing Arlene some money.

  “Oh, yes, thank you,” she replied.

  “We have lots to do today,” Grandma told me as Arlene took the cape off of me. “Shall we get going?”

  I really didn’t get a chance to see what I looked like until we were outside and I caught my reflection in the shop window. It wasn’t a good reflection, as a matter-of-fact, I first wondered whose reflection it was, but then I was taken with how girly I looked.

  Once in Grandma’s car, I pulled down the visor to look in the vanity mirror there. ‘Oh my God! I’ve got bangs. Bangs! Like a girl!’ The mirror was above me, so I could see the scrunchie really plainly. I really did look like a girl now. The yellow T-shirt that I was wearing didn’t do anything to help the image. I touched my head, first the bangs and then the scrunchie.

  “Arlene did a nice job, didn’t she?” Grandma asked.

  “It looks all girly,” I said.

  “I told you, we’ll get you some different hair ties while we’re out today,” Grandma assured me.

  Just then, we pulled into the mall and Grandma found a parking spot near JC Penney’s. She just got out and started inside. I scampered out and caught up as she reached the door.

  “But Grandma, I look like a girl!”

  “Well, that might be a good thing.”

  “A good thing?”

  “Well, yes. I’m planning on buying you some more of those panties you like. If the saleslady thought you were a boy, you might be embarrassed. This way, if she thinks you’re a girl, you won’t have to be embarrassed.”

  I tried to wrap my head around that twisted logic as she led the way to the girls’ lingerie. In some odd way, it made sense. ‘OK, I guess it is good, but… why more panties? I mean, I’ve already got more than I ever wanted to wear. What am I saying? One is more than I ever wanted to wear.’

  “Here we are dear.” Grandma’s voice shook me out of my revelry. “Pick out three that you like,” she continued. “That’ll give you an even dozen. That should be enough for now, don’t you think?”

  I found myself in a sea of panties. They were hanging, like fruit on a tree, from racks all around me. I was kind of in shock and reached out to touch the nearest one. It was pretty, a kind of soft blue and all silky. “That’s a nice one dear and just your size,” Grandma observed. “You like that one?” she asked. I nodded my head numbly. She took it from the rack and said, “OK, two more.” In some kind of trance, I selected two more. One pair was yellow and the other was a soft pink and all of them had some kind of stretch lace waistband. Just as the last one was in Grandma’s hands, a clerk showed up.

  “Aren’t those just lovely. You know we have a special if you buy the matching camisole.”

  “You don’t have any camisoles, do you dear?” Grandma asked. Having no idea what a camisole was, I shook my head no. “Let’s take a look at them. I think you’d enjoy wearing them.”

  The clerk took us across the aisle. There they were; a whole rack of girls' undershirts made of the same silky material as the panties. Grandma took one and looked at it. “This should fit you,” she said, holding it up to me. “What do you think honey?”

  I found my voice. “I don’t know Grandma….”

  “Oh, I’m sure you’ll just love them,” she assured me. “Can we try it on?” she asked the clerk.

  “Certainly,” she answered. “The fitting rooms are right over there.” She indicated a row of louvered doors.

  Grandma took me into one, pulled my T-shirt off and helped me into the camisole before I could protest. ‘Oh my God!’ It took my breath away. I couldn’t help but rub my stomach through the material.

  “Nice huh?” asked Grandma. I nodded, looking in the mirror at the girl fingering her camisole. “We’ll buy two of each,” Grandma informed me. She pulled the tags off the camisole and helped me on with my T-shirt saying, “You can wear this one home.”

  We came out of the fitting room and Grandma handed the tags to the clerk. “I think we’d like to wear this one home,” Grandma told her. “We’ll take two in each color,” she continued, selecting the camisoles. Then she turned to me. “I looked in your suitcase dear; your mother didn’t send you with a nightgown, did she?” I shook my head no. “Well, we can’t have that. Let’s pick you out a really nice one.”

  With that, we were ushered to the sleepwear. “Oh! Look at these. Aren’t they gorgeous?” Grandma asked, taking two silky nighties off the rack and holding them up. I nodded again. They were gorgeous. She hung them sideways on the rack and took two more and did the same. They were all that same silky material that the camisoles were made of. I was thinking about how it would feel to sleep in them. “Oh and here are some with matching panties,” Grandma pointed out.

  Unable to contain myself, I reached out and touched the nightie with the matching panties. It was a soft blue with ribbons and lace sewn into the top part. It would hit me about the knees. “That’s a pretty one,” Grandma said. “Do you like it?” I was mesmerized. All I could do was nod yes. “Let’s get you that one and this one,” she said, holding up a similar one in yellow. I nodded again.

  “I think our job here is done,” Grandma declared and marched over to the checkout stand. As Grandma paid for everything, I couldn’t keep from touching my stomach, rubbing the camisole fabric against my skin and wondering how it would be to sleep in those nightgowns.

  As we wandered out of the store, Grandma stopped and looked at some dresses for a moment. She had a faraway look in her eye. Then she smiled at me and said, “Another time perhaps,” and we continued out into the mall.

Chapter 5
They think I’m a girl

  I was surprised to see it was already noon when we reached the center of the mall. Grandma said, “How about some lunch before we get your hair ties?”

  “OK.” I was hungry.

  I thought we’d just find the food court, but Grandma had other ideas. Into Newport Bay we went. The hostess seated us and the server was right there. “What can I get you ladies?” she asked.

  “They have a wonderful clam chowder here,” Grandma told me. “Why don’t you have a bowl of that and half a sandwich, say turkey?”

  “OK.”

  “And I’ll have the same,” Grandma smiled at the waitress. “I think two strawberry iced teas as well.”

  I leaned close to Grandma. “She thought I was a girl.”

  “Well, yes dear, I’m sure she did. We still haven’t bought your hair ties and that shirt shows the cami, though it, just a little.”

  “It does?” I asked in alarm.

  “Don’t worry dear. It looks really cute.”

  Now I was really uncomfortable. Everyone could see I was wearing a camisole. The panties were one thing; no one could see them, but this cami thing was advertising itself. I was really self-conscious. When the waitress came back with our order, I was certainly self-conscious and couldn’t speak. I kept looking around while we ate, wondering who else might think I was a girl. I caught my reflection in the window and decided that everyone who saw me thought I was a girl.

  As we got up to leave I was gripped with fear. I tugged on Grandma’s arm. “Grandma, I need to go to the bathroom,” I whispered.

  “OK,” she replied and led the way toward the restroom. I thought she’d check the men’s room or something, stand guard outside to keep people out – I know, stupid thought – instead, she paused at the women’s room, opening it and guiding me in by the elbow. Luckily, no one was in there.

  “Grandma, this is the women’s room.”

  “I know that. I wouldn’t be in here if it wasn’t.”

  “But I can’t go in here; I’m a boy.”

  “I doubt that anyone would believe that. Just go in the stall, drop your pants and sit. If anyone comes in, they’ll just think you’re a girl doing her business.”

  Well, I had to go, so I did as I was told. I felt really weird sitting there in the women’s restroom doing my business. I mean, looking down at my knees I did look like a girl, what with the panties and all.

  I was out at the sink washing my hands when another lady came in. She smiled at us and went straight into the stall. I stood frozen in place; sure that she’d make a big fuss, but she just acted as normal as could be.

  As we left, Grandma said, “See, she thought you were a girl, no problem. I bet we could fool lots of people into thinking you’re really a girl and we wouldn’t really have to try all that hard.”

  “No we couldn’t. That lady was in a hurry to go and just didn’t look that close.”

  “I’ll bet we can. Let’s try it. We’ll go into a few places and just see how people react to you. You don’t have to try to act girly; just try not to be all rambunctious like a boy.”

  “OK, but I’ll bet that anyone who really has to deal with me will see in an instant I’m really a boy.”

  The first place we went to was one of those junk jewelry places called “Claire’s.” I just followed Grandma around while she browsed. We were the only people there besides the clerk. She was straightening some displays when we came in. As we wandered around, Grandma would pick up different things and look at them. When we got to the earring section, I spotted something that I didn’t understand, “Magnetic earrings.” I took a pair off the rack. They didn’t look like any earrings I’d ever seen before. As I studied them, the clerk came over and said, “Those are really nice for girls who don’t have their ears pierced yet.”

  Surprised, I looked up. “Ah, how do they work?” I asked.

  “I really only have one set of piercings in my ears, but I can look like I have multiples, see?” she told me, pulling her hair back. She had one set of dangling earrings and a set of studs. I’d seen lots of girls with that kind of thing, so I wasn’t impressed. What did impress me was when she grabbed one of the studs and slid it off her ear. There was a metallic click. She showed me the earring, separating the two parts and putting them back together. The part on the back of the ear was a small round magnet. “I bet they’d look good on you,” she said and promptly put one on my right ear. Before I could say anything, she had stripped the other one off her other ear and put it on my left ear, turning me toward a nearby mirror. Now I really did look like a girl. The earrings set it off.

  Grandma, who had been a few feet away had heard the exchange, came over and said, “Those look nice on you. I know you’re a little squeamish about getting your ears pierced, but with those you don’t have to. Would you like me to buy some for you?”

  I was at a loss as to what to do. I had this bet going with Grandma that forbade me from outright saying anything that would give me away as a boy. I looked at the display and saw there were three different styles. “Ah, I don’t know… I can’t make up my mind which ones I would want.” ‘There, that should give me an easy out.’

  Grandma took a pair off the display and checked the price. “No problem,” she said. “They’re not expensive; we’ll just get all three. Give those back to the nice lady and you can wear these as soon as we pay for them,” Grandma continued, holding up the studs like the ones the clerk had loaned me. With that, she went to the counter and paid for the three sets of earrings. She took the studs and put them on me.

  As we walked farther through the mall, Grandma said, “See, I told you that people would think you were a girl.

  “I’m still not convinced. I think it’s only a matter of time until someone will see I’m a boy and makes a fuss. If they have to spend any amount of time, they’ll know.”

  “OK, I’ll tell you what let’s do. There’s Nordstrom. You need some other shoes. I’d like to buy you some sandals. We’ll go to the shoe department and without committing to looking at either boy’s or girl’s shoes, we’ll wait for an associate to come over. You take the lead and say that your grandma wants to buy you some sandals. If they ask what size you wear, tell them you’re not sure, your feet are growing. If they ask what kind, say something casual. If they lead you to boy's sandals, then we’ll go straight to get your hair ties. If they lead you to girl's sandals, then we’ll stay at the mall and we’ll do the kind of shopping I always want to do for Pamela.”

  Into Nordstrom we went. Grandma led the way to the shoe department. She stopped at the dividing line between men’s and women’s shoes. We stood there, out of the aisle for a few moments when a young clerk walked over. “Hello, can I help you find something?” she asked.

  Grandma looked at me. I swallowed hard. “My grandmother wants to buy me some sandals,” I managed, just like we had agreed.

  She smiled at me. “What size do you wear?” she wanted to know.

  “Um, I’m not sure. I think my feet are growing.”

  “Take a seat right over here and we’ll just measure your feet.” She took a few steps toward the women’s side and indicated a chair.

  I sat down and took off my right sneaker. I looked at the Brannock Device she picked up. It was clearly marked, “Women.” I stood as she measured my foot. It turns out my feet are larger in women’s shoes. ‘I guess Grandma was right. She does think I’m a girl.’

  “What sort of sandals did you have in mind? Something with a heel or more on the casual side?”

  “Something kind of casual,” I told her.

  “Why don’t you show us both, some casual and some a little nicer?” Grandma asked.

  She left, telling us she’d be right back.

  “Grandma, you told me to get something casual.”

  “I know dear, but I decided I’d like to see what you looked like in something a bit dressy. We won’t buy the dressy ones; I just wanted to see you wear them.”

  “But….”

  “Remember our bet? She’s getting you girl's shoes, isn’t she?”

  “Yes Grandma.”

  In a few minutes, the lady was back with about six boxes of shoes and a pair of those funny nylon things that just cover your feet that women sometimes wear when they don’t want to look like they are wearing socks. She put the boxes on the floor and sat sidesaddle on that odd stool with the footrest. “Here,” she said, “let’s put these on you so you can get a good fit. Those socks are too thick.”

  With that, she stripped me out of my socks and put the nylon things on me. Then she opened the first box and took out a pair of brown leather sandals. After she put both of them on me, she said, “Walk around a bit in those.”

  I walked over to one of those mirrors they have in shoe departments. You know, the ones that are short and at an angle so you can stand up close and look at just your feet. The sandals were just a bit more girly than I had hoped.

  “How do those feel, dear?” Grandma wanted to know.

  “OK, I guess.”

  I came back and sat down to let the lady exchange them for the next set. I felt like a fool, sitting there wearing girl’s underwear and magnetic earrings and trying on girl’s sandals. The next pair had really thick soles and the heel was a little thicker than the rest and only had a wide strap over the front of the foot. The sole was contoured to match the foot and they were really comfortable but looked way too girly. Finally, a pair I could live with. The straps were about a half-inch wide and there was a brass buckle to secure the strap around the heel.

  Looking in the foot mirror, I said, “I think these are the ones I want, Grandma.”

  “You have three more pairs to try on.”

  The next batch was the dressy ones that Grandma had wanted to see. The first pair was white and had delicate straps and a wedge heel. The thing is, they were really comfortable and looked really nice on my feet. Don’t ask me why I thought they looked nice. I mean, they would have looked nice on a girl’s feet. The next pair were flat soles and had one of those toe straps and a mismatched number of other straps over the foot. The last one was crisscrossed straps and a short little heel that came to a point about three-quarters of an inch wide but looked like it had been taller and was squished. As I did the obligatory walk to the foot mirror, I was struck by how comfortable the cushioned soles were and when I saw them in the mirror, they were gorgeous. If I were going to buy the dressy ones, these would be the ones. Rather than just look at my feet, I turned different ways to see how they looked from different angles, even from behind. I looked up at Grandma to see her smiling at me.

  When I came back to the chair, she asked, “Which one do you want to buy?”

  “These,” I said, picking up the last casual pair I had tried on.

  “What about the ones you’re wearing? You seemed to be taken with them when you were at the mirror.”

  “Ah,” she had me there; I was taken with them, “I really think they’re too dressy for where I’d wear them.”

  “OK, you can get the other pair. Why don’t you wear them home,” Grandma smiled.

  The saleslady smiled as she helped me change. “You don’t have to wear the footies since you’re buying them,” she told me as she stripped them off me. I stood and walked to the mirror again. ‘I guess if I didn’t know, I might think they were boy’s sandals.’

  “We’ll take the last pair as well. You never know when a dressy occasion might come up,” Grandma told the saleslady.

   ‘Oh my God, Grandma’s buying me a really girly pair of sandals.’

Chapter 6
The real bet

  “Grandma, why did you buy that other pair of sandals? You said we wouldn’t buy the dressy ones.”

  “I know dear, but when I saw how taken you were with them, I couldn’t resist. You looked at them a whole lot more than any of the others, even the ones you said you wanted.”

  She had me there. I was taken with them and I had looked at them a lot. They really did look good on my feet. I’ve never thought my feet were anything special, but in those sandals, they sure looked special.

  Well, there I was, wearing girl’s underwear, complete with that cami thing, wearing girl’s sandals and carrying another pair that was really girly. ‘Where am I ever going to wear that pair?’ I was deep in thought and not paying attention to just where Grandma was leading. I came out of my fog when my nose was assaulted by chemical smells. We were in some kind of beauty salon. I looked around confused. ‘Grandma had my hair cut this morning; what are we doing here?’

  “I see by your sign that walk-ins are welcome. Do you have someone who could do manicures and pedicures?”

  “Yes we do,” the girl behind the counter was saying, “Janice and Lexis are both on duty today. Janice has an opening right now and Lexis is just about to finish up her last client. It shouldn’t be more than ten minutes.”

  “That should be fine,” Grandma said, then looked at me. “Why don’t we have Janice do yours and I’ll wait for Lexis.”

  ‘Do mine? Do my what?’

  “Janice?” the lady called. A young woman came over. “This young lady would like a manicure and a pedicure.”

  I looked at Grandma. She said, “Nothing too bold, I think something along the lines of a dusty rose color.”

  “I’m sure we can find something suitable,” Janice assured her.

  Bewildered, I followed Janice to a chair. She slid some kind of foot bath in front of me and took my sandals off. She filled the basin, added some kind of oil or something and placed my feet in it. She let my feet soak in it for a while, then took one of them out and put it on a little bench kind of thing that was part of the roll-around stool she sat on. Then she put some stuff around the edges of my toenails, a kind of cream and took a stick and pushed the skin back up the toenails.

  When she was finished with that, she took some kind of pliers or wire cutter kind of thing and cut some of the skin off. She put some kind of oily stuff on the nails and put it back into the water and then started working on the other foot. When she was through with it, she put it back in the water and took the other foot out. She got some big nail clippers and trimmed the toenails. After that, she took a rough kind of rock-looking thing and rubbed it all over my calluses. My feet came out really smooth after that.

  Then she used a funny kind of thing to rub the nails smooth and then put polish on them. Then she rubbed lotion on both feet and the calves of my legs. I noticed that Grandma was in another chair just across from me with another girl working on her feet. Grandma kind of leaned back with her eyes closed like she was really enjoying all of the treatment. Me, I was too fascinated with what was going on to relax. But I did watch them work on Grandma for a while.

  I was surprised when Janice said, “There, all done. They came out nice, don’t you think?”

  I looked down to see my toenails covered with a kind of soft pinkish-red polish. ‘Dusty rose?’ Immediately, she started in on my hands, soaking the fingertips in a kind of bowl thing and did much the same as he did with my feet. I was in shock, looking at my feet. I don’t know what I expected when I sat in the chair, but somehow, I never imagined I’d end up with nail polish.

  Before I knew it, I had the same polish on my fingernails. “There,” Janice said, “just wait about ten minutes and the polish will be dry.” She set a timer and went off to do something else. I sat, looking at my nails, first my toenails, then my fingernails in disbelief. All I needed was to change my outer clothes and I’d be all girl.

  ‘How did this happen? I mean, I left home yesterday an average boy. Yet, here I was wearing panties, a camisole and girl’s sandals with a fresh pedicure and manicure with dusty rose nail polish. What’s really weird is that I just let it happen. So, did wearing the panties suck my brains out and I just did whatever Grandma suggested?’

  My thoughts whirled for a while until the timer sounded and Janice reappeared and helped me put my sandals back on so I wouldn’t scuff my nail polish. “You can wait over here,” she told me, showing me to some chairs near the entrance, “while your grandmother finishes up. Isn’t it nice to do these really girly things with your grandmother?”

  “Ah, yeah, I guess.” Brilliant conversationalist.

  After Grandma was done, she paid for us. I was surprised at just how much it cost. Grandma must have dropped more than a hundred bucks there if you count the tip she gave each girl.

  “This is fun,” Grandma said. “I always try to get Pam to do this kind of thing with me when she comes, but she always begs off.”

  Grandma was smiling down at me while we walked through the mall. I could tell she was really happy that I was playing along with the bet. ‘Well, one time won’t hurt. I mean, no one who knows me will see me. So what if someone gets a good laugh at the boy trying to look like a girl?’

  “You don’t know how glad I was to find out you liked the panties I was sending Pam. I knew she didn’t wear them, but I was hoping that she’d try them and change her mind. When she told me about you wearing them and then your mother confirmed it, I had to think about it, but in the end, I knew I’d just buy them for you as you appreciated them and she didn’t.

  “You do like them, don’t you?” Grandma asked.

  It was more of a statement than a question. I had to say something positive. I mean, it would have crushed her to find out I really didn’t like them. “Well, they’re very pretty. I don’t know why Pam doesn’t like them.”

  ‘There, I didn’t lie. They are pretty and I don’t know what Pam’s problem is with them. If I was a girl, I’d wear them in a hot second. What am I saying? I’m not a girl and I am wearing them. … You big goof, it’s not your idea, ya know, even if they do feel good.’

  “You know,” Grandma went on, “a few years ago, I wanted to buy Pam her first bra, but she wanted to wait until your mother could be there. … Maybe I could take you to get fitted for your first.” She looked at me and smiled a big smile and had that “please” look in her eyes.

  “Fitted? What’s that?”

  “Well, a girl should be fitted for her first bra so she knows what size to buy. It’s important to get a good fit so she can wear it all day, so it’s best to go to a shop that specializes in that for the first one. The assistant measures her chest and then helps to adjust the bra for a good fit.”

  “Ah, Grandma, I’m a boy and boys really don’t wear bras.” ‘Man, I hope she understands.’ “I mean, if one of those assistants sees me without a shirt, she’ll know for sure I’m a boy and kick up a fuss.”

  “Oh I don’t think so; we haven’t had that happen yet, have we?”

  “So far, we’ve just been somewhere we could just walk away if someone got all jacked out of shape. But in one of those fitting rooms, we’d have to deal with them being all upset while I got dressed again. I mean, they may even call the cops or something. I don’t want to chance it.”

  “I bet…” Grandma started.

  I cut her off. “Grandma, we’ve got a bet going already and I think you’ve won. We don’t need to prove anything. It’s not worth the risk.”

  “Why don’t you wait until you hear the bet? The bet we had going wasn’t a real bet. There weren’t any stakes… A kind of gentleman’s bet, if you will. What I’m proposing has some stakes. Something that I’m sure you’d really appreciate.”

  “What kind of stakes?” I was willing to humor her.

  “What I was thinking was that we go ahead and take the ‘risk’ and if you’re right… if the assistant spots you as a boy, that is, she says something or even acts funny about fitting you for a bra, then we go home and I give you my computer system.”

  “The whole system? Computer, keyboard, monitor and printer and everything?” She had a killer HP system, with a 17” monitor, Windows 10 operating system and a color printer/scanner. It was much newer than what we had at home and I had to share that with my sister and Mom. It’d be really cool to have my own computer.

  “The whole system. I’ll even put in a wireless card so you can make it your computer with Internet access without stringing out a cable to your room.”

  “What if I’m wrong? What does it cost me?”

  “Well, you seem pretty sure that won’t be the case, but if you are wrong and there’s no big deal with you in fitting rooms, then we’ll do this again and you’ll let me buy you all the nice things I have always wanted to buy Pam.”

  ‘OK, the question is, is the public humiliation worth the computer system? There’s no way we’ll get away with it. I mean, I’ve never seen a girl’s bare chest, but none of the girls at school are flat like me; the lady at the place will surely know I’m a boy the second my chest is bared.’ I considered the matter carefully. ‘I’ve been teased at school for not being able to climb the rope in gym and for my long hair; can it be any worse than that?’ Once again, I considered it. … ‘Not really, I mean, at school it went on for days when I couldn’t climb the rope and they still bring up the hair whenever they don’t have anything else to tease someone about. Here, it’ll be once and only once. All I have to do is grab my T-shirt and run outside. I can put it on there and leave Grandma to collect the cami and face the wrath of whomever.’

  “OK, I’ll do it. But you better mean it about the computer. If I don’t get the computer, I’ll spend my month here in the bedroom.”

  Grandma laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t welch on the bet, but if I did, I really doubt that you’d really spend all month in the bedroom. You’d relent sooner or later out of sheer boredom.”

Chapter 7
The fitting

  She led the way back to her car and we went about a mile to a place called, “Just Like a Woman.”

  I’d never seen a place like this. Oh sure, I’d walked by “Victoria’s Secret,” but it was nothing like this. It was a free-standing store the size of a supermarket and was full of all kinds of women’s underwear. Most of it I didn’t even have names for.

  A lady younger than my mom greeted us. “Hello, how may I help you today?”

  My grandmother answered. “All the girls at school are already wearing bras and Jamie … well, Jamie hasn’t … ah….”

  “A late bloomer?” the lady smiled, then turned toward me. “Well, don’t feel bad. I was a late bloomer. I didn’t really develop a noticeable bustline until I was fourteen and look at me now,” she said, throwing back her shoulders to accentuate a large bust. “I'm sure we have something to help you along,” she continued as she put her hand on my shoulder and guided me back to the girls’ section.

  She looked at Grandma again. “Were we looking for something with a little enhancement?”

  “A little, but not too much, after all, Jamie’s only eleven.”

  “Ah, yes, we won’t go over an A cup. You know we have some nice swimwear that can be bust enhancing as well,” she told us as she started looking through racks. She kept looking at me as she looked at different bras. Finally, she showed us a bra. “I think something like this. I’ll have to measure her, of course, to get the correct size, but notice the silicon gel filling in the bottom of the cups. That will help push what she does have up and fill in the bottom with a natural shape,” she said smiling.

  Then came the moment of truth. I was so shaken by what I knew was going to happen I could hardly walk as she led the way to the fitting rooms. These were larger than any I had ever been to before. It was larger than my mother’s walk-in closet. I was surprised I didn’t faint on the spot when I pulled off my T-shirt and the cami. I looked at her with fear in my eyes, holding the cami in front of me.

  “No need to be embarrassed, dear. We’re all girls here,” she said as she bent down to look at me. “You’re not the first girl to come in here who needed a little help.”

  ‘Not the first girl, but I’ll bet I’m the first boy.’

  “Here, let’s let your grandmother hold this so I can get your measurements,” she said, taking the cami from me. I braced myself for what I knew would be the onslaught. But she just smiled. “Raise your arms dear.” I did and she put a tape measure around my chest, looked for a moment and then moved it down a couple of inches and did it again. She smiled again. “I’ll be right back,” she said.

  I just stood there with my mouth open. I looked at Grandma, then the door and back at Grandma, who was standing there smiling. I moved my mouth, but no words came out. The door burst open. “Here we are,” the lady said, holding out one of those gel bras. I reflexively covered my chest. “Just hold your arms out and let me help you into this,” she continued. Not knowing what else to do, I held my arms out. She slipped it over them and stepped behind me to fasten it up. Then, in front of me, she tugged and pulled and fiddled with the strap adjustment. Finally, she reached down inside the bra on each side and pulled the flesh up, so when I looked down, I could see the swelling of what looked like small boobs sticking out over the top of the bra.

  “There,” she said, “how does that feel?”

  “It’s kind of tight around here,” I said, indicating where the strap went around my chest.

  “Well, sweetheart, that’s the way with bras. Especially if you want them to enhance your bustline,” Grandma told me. Then she took a turn tugging and pulling on the bra. She ran her finger around under the strap and pronounced it a good fit. “That’s the way it’s supposed to fit, dear. You’ll get used to it.” Then to the lady, “I think we’d like to wear that home and I think we’ll take two, no three more.”

  “Excellent,” replied the lady, taking a pair of scissors and snipping the tags. “Why don’t you finish getting dressed while your grandmother and I take care of business at the register?” It was a statement rather than a question. She and Grandma left me standing there. I was completely blown away. I mean, I just got fitted for a bra and now Grandma’s going to buy me three of them, four, counting the one I was wearing. ‘Where in blazes am I going to wear them? … And why?’

  I looked at myself in the mirror as I dressed. I could have been watching a girl. I felt a little naughty; the girl in the mirror put a cami over a bra and then pulled a T-shirt, my T-shirt, over her head. It was disconcerting, to say the least. I studied myself in the mirror once I was dressed. The bra made a real difference. I had boobs… real looking boobs, every bit as big as any girl in my class at school. I didn’t know what to do. If I went out, everyone would see that I had boobs. That would be crossing some sort of invisible line, one I didn’t know if I could cross back from. I stood staring at myself, feeling fear build in my gut. Up to now, Grandma had kept the pace up, so I didn’t have time to think about what was happening, but now there I was, all done up like a girl. ‘What was it that Grandma said I had to do if the lady didn’t react to me like I was a boy getting fitted for a bra? Oh yeah, “we’ll do this again and you’ll let me buy you all the nice things I wanted to buy Pam” whatever that means… is she going to come back and have me fitted for a bra again? … Won’t that make the lady think something strange is going on? … And what are those “nice things” she wanted to buy Pam?’

  I spent so much time pondering what I’d gotten into that Grandma came looking for me. The door opened so slowly that I really didn’t notice until she caught me looking in the mirror. “Jamie, dear, if you’re quite through admiring your new shape, we’d better get going.”

  “Huh? Oh yeah.”

  We were soon in the car. “See, I told you that she’d think you were a girl. We’re going to have so much fun while you’re here. I can’t wait to take you shopping.” Grandma was smiling, obviously happy that she’d won the bet.

  Suddenly, she braked and turned into a parking lot. “One more thing we have to do before we go home. Come along, Jamie dear,” she said, getting out of the car.

  I looked around as I followed Grandma; we were at a Salvation Army Thrift Store. Inside, it wasn’t one of those dowdy junk shops that those kinds of stores sometimes get to be. It looked every bit like a clothing store. Things were in neat racks, all separated out according to what kind of clothes they were. Grandma led the way to the girls’ section and soon had picked out several shorts and tops that would go with them. The fitting rooms weren’t like in a regular store. There weren’t boys’ rooms and girls’ rooms; it was just whoever got the room, so there was no big deal about being a boy in the fitting room, only being a boy taking girls’ clothes in the fitting room. But even that wasn’t so much a big deal because no one was there to check and see what you took into the room. I was a little embarrassed to have Grandma come into the room with me because she wanted me to try on the shorts.

  “Grandma, I can do it myself.”

  “I know dear, but it will be faster if I’m in here too; then you won’t have to come out between outfits for me to look at them.”

  So, whenever I had to try on some of the shorts, I turned my back, acutely aware that Grandma could see my butt in the panties she’d bought me. I think I must have looked like I’d been in the sun too long; I know I felt like I had with the burning in my cheeks and neck. Grandma picked out two outfits and after paying, we were home again. I hate to think how much Grandma spent that day.

  When we were putting things away in my room, I held up the clothes from the Salvation Army Thrift Store and asked, “Grandma, why did we buy these?”

  “Well dear, you need something to wear when we go shopping tomorrow.”

Chapter 8
Shopping

  “Shopping tomorrow? We went shopping today.”

  “I know dear, but we only bought you underwear and some shoes. There are so many pretty things I want to buy you. We’ll make a real day of it. We’ll go out to breakfast, shop in the morning, have lunch and take in a movie in the afternoon. If we feel like it, we’ll pick up a few things after the movie or maybe go out to dinner.”

  ‘Pretty things she wants to buy me? Pretty things? Oh, what have I gotten myself into? All I wanted was to get a computer.’

  “Come help me with dinner, sweetheart,” Grandma said when we were through.

  Grandma taught me how to broil steaks. It was pretty easy. After you season them, you just put them on the broiler pan, stick them in the oven and set a timer. Three minutes on one side, four on the other. Mashing potatoes was harder.

  After dinner, we watched TV until about 9:00. “There’s a movie on in a few minutes; why don’t we get our nighties on and I’ll make some popcorn and we’ll watch it.”

  “Ah, nighties?”

  “Yeah, why don’t you wear the blue one? I have one just about the same color; we’ll match.”

  ‘Oh yeah, she bought me some nightgowns. Oh God, will they feel as good as the panties and cami?’

  Answer: yes, even more so. I couldn’t believe just how it felt to wear that nightgown. It was like a million fingers caressing me with little electric charges. I was tingling all over. I pulled on the matching panties with some excitement. They felt every bit as good as the ones I’d been wearing all day, but the nightgown… I think I nearly fainted as I dropped the silken confection over my head and let it cascade down my body. I stood trembling, for I don’t know how long, waiting for my brain to tell my body to do something else. Finally, I realized I needed to breathe. The mirror on the closet door showed me a cute girl in a beautiful blue nightie. I don’t think I’d ever seen anything nearly so feminine and delicate in my life… And I was wearing it.

  After a time, I remember that Grandma was waiting downstairs to watch a movie with me. ‘Oh God, Grandma’s going to see me in this.’ Panic sat in. Clearly, my brain had been without oxygen too long. I didn’t think about the fact that she bought this for me and expected to see me in it. No, only that I was a boy wearing a girl’s nightie and… and… ‘Well, boys shouldn’t wear nighties … should they? Well then, why did Grandma buy it for me?’ I couldn’t come up with a good answer, so I mustered my courage and went down the stairs. Timidly, I entered the family room.

  “Oh my, don’t you look sweet in that? Do you like it?”

  I should have screamed, “NO!” but that would have been a lie. But then, I didn’t like it; I loved it, but I was ashamed to say so, so I just nodded my head and went to sit on the couch.

  Grandma was wearing a blue nightgown that was longer and had a matching robe. “You know, I don’t know where my brain was. I should have bought you a robe and some slippers. Oh well, we’ll take care of that when we go shopping tomorrow.”

  ‘Tomorrow? … Oh yeah, the bet was that we’d do it again.’ I didn’t think she’d want to collect on the bet so soon.

  Morning came early, with Grandma knocking on my door.

  “Up and at ‘em, Jamie. We’ve got a lot to do before we go shopping. You’ll want a good breakfast so we can shop till we drop,” she called in an all too cheery a voice for me.

  ‘Jamie? … Jamie? … Oh yeah, that’s what she started calling me yesterday. YESTERDAY!’

  I threw back the blankets and jumped out of bed. Looking down, my heart raced. I saw I was really wearing that nightgown, I remembered Grandma buying. ‘Yesterday. I lost that bet and I’ve got to go shopping with Grandma. What does she mean to buy me? She said she wanted to buy me “all the nice things” she wanted to buy Pam. Oh, God no.’

  I began to remember Pam’s description of the clothes Grandma wanted to buy her. According to Pam, Grandma wanted to buy her the most girly things there were. Things like the prissy girls in the old-time movies used to wear. Long flowing dresses, patent leather shoes with heels, even lacy or ruffle-covered blouses and flaring skirts, not to mention all the underwear to go with them.

  “Are you getting up dear?”

  “Ah, yeah, I’m up.”

  “Good, take a quick shower and then call me and I’ll do your hair.”

  I couldn’t believe it. Grandma didn’t put my hair in a high ponytail that day. No, she brushed it and blow-dried it so it was all fluffy and put a barrette on the left side. She had me in a yellow scoop neck T-shirt and white shorts just below the knees with little bows on the side at the hem. Of course, I was wearing one of my new bras and camis. Oh and my new girl’s sandals. With my dusty-rose nail polish, I knew that there was no way that I’d have a chance of being taken as a boy.

  Still, I was nervous. Yeah, I knew that yesterday, everyone we came in contact with thought I was a girl, even the lady who fitted me for my bra. ‘My bra’… now there’s a phrase I thought I’d never use… just like , ‘“my panties”… yeah right.’” It took everything I had to get out of the car at the mall. We walked up to the entrance and the doors made a pretty good mirror and I was startled to see a girl walking beside Grandma. I stopped and stared. Grandma stopped after a few steps and turned to me.

  “Come on Jamie, no need to be nervous. You’re the perfect picture of an eleven-year-old girl.”

  With that, I realized the girl was me. I had to agree with Grandma. If I didn’t recognize myself in the reflection, there’d be no way anyone else would. But still, there’s a lot more to being a girl than just looking like a girl. I mean, Grandma said it yesterday: “…just try not to be all rambunctious like a boy.” ‘God, do I act rambunctious? I don’t know.’ I’d never thought about it. I always just acted like me.

  “The first thing we need to do is get you some real girl’s clothes. Your sister can be such a tomboy. It was everything I could do to put her into a dress or a skirt when she was here last year.”

  In we went with the phrase, “some real girl’s clothes,” ringing in my ears. ‘Girl’s clothes, oh my God, she’s going to buy me girl’s clothes! And all because the washer broke down… that and Grandma has a thing for girly underwear and Pam doesn’t.’ I blindly followed Grandma through the mall.

  That day was a whirlwind of dress shops and shoe stores, oh and I did get my ears pierced for real. Ow! Ok, so it wasn't really bad, just like someone pinched my earlobes. That was followed by a strange, dull pressure feeling while those little tiny studs weighed on my ears. What I remember most were the dresses, all the dresses that I tried on. Somewhere in the middle of trying on dresses in the second shop, I really got into it. They had a rack of the most gorgeous – did I just say gorgeous – the most gorgeous dresses I've ever seen and the blue one looked just divine on me. There I go again, "divine"?

  It was a pale blue with a gathered waist and was fitted over my chest and really showed off my attributes (the fake boobs) to their best advantage. The skirt part was all swirly when I walked. I fell in love with the way it swished back and forth over my legs. Needless to say, Grandma bought it for me. That and about a dozen other outfits.

  The other thing I remember is that we made four trips to the car to deposit bags because we couldn't carry anymore. Not everything that Grandma bought was fancy. She bought me a pullover sundress that had an elastic waist and puffy little sleeves. Grandma called them "cap sleeves" and they did kind of look like little caps on my shoulders. She had me wear that after I got into the dress shopping.

  By the time we broke for lunch, Grandma had converted me. I was no longer a reluctant shopper, there to pay off a bet. I had never really been into shopping before. I mean, mostly, clothes were a necessity, you know, like food, shelter and water. I had to have them, but what "them" was didn't really matter so long as they fit and were comfortable. I'd never really given clothes a second thought. But right then, sitting there in Nordstrom's Market Place Café, that was all I could think of. ‘All those clothes… where would I wear them?’ I couldn't answer that, I only knew that I was glad to have them. It was there that I realized that Grandma intended for me to take Pam’s place as a girly-girl granddaughter and that I’d be wearing only girl’s clothes for the month. Even more astonishing was the fact that I was OK with it, though a little nervous about what all that would entail.

  I don’t know just how that happened. Oh, the actual buying, sure, but internally. How did I go from being a boy who, though not so macho, was pretty much a typical boy, to being a boy who was glad to have a whole slew of girl’s clothes and be shopping for more? It was a mystery to me, but all I knew was that I was getting a real rush trying on and wearing dresses and having people treat me as a girl.

  “Grandma,” I said, “I was just thinking about all the clothes you bought me this morning. I, ah, I guess that since I lost the bet that you, ah, you… kind of want me to be your substitute granddaughter while I’m here this month.”

  Grandma smiled. “Was that presumptuous of me? Unless I missed my bet, you’ve had a good time trying on all those outfits I bought you.”

  “Ah, well, I did lose the bet and you’re right, it was kinda neat trying on the things and I really like what you’ve bought me so far, but if I’m going to be your substitute granddaughter this month, don’t you think I should have some practical clothes.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, I know you wish Pam was more girly and all, but there are times when a girl needs something that isn’t a dress or a skirt. I’ve seen lots of girls who were girly girls in blouses and shorts. Don’t you think I should have some of those? And maybe some of those pants that only go down to the middle of the calf?”

  She thought a bit and nodded. “I suppose you’re right. There are plenty of nice feminine shorts and even Capri pants. We’ll concentrate on that this afternoon.”

  At the end of the day, the closet in my bedroom and the drawers in the dresser were full of enough girly clothes to supply three girls. In the afternoon, I had managed to acquire several Capris and shorts. There were a few plain, almost unisex pairs of shorts and pants and a couple of tops that didn’t scream “Girly.”

Chapter 9
Making a new friend

  The next day, Grandma and I spent around the house while I got used to dresses. She gave me some pointers on handling them so I looked natural in them. I think of that time as “girly lessons.” The amazing part of it was that I felt better about myself once I learned what she was driving at. I almost felt like a real girl… not that I have any idea of what that really feels like, but acting like Grandma suggested and wearing the dress or skirt felt natural… like I belonged in the clothes.

  One of the things I did last year was ride Grandma’s old bike to the park a couple of blocks away just to get away. It had always been boring and even though I had been embarrassed to ride a girl’s bike, I still went. I woke in the morning feeling like I needed some time away, not because it was boring, but because I needed to wrap my head around what I was allowing Grandma to do with me.

  After breakfast, I asked, “Grandma, have we got any plans today?”

  “Actually, I need to get some things done around the house. Why? You looking to show off your new clothes?” She gave me a conspiratorial smile. “We could go out to dinner this evening if you’d like.”

  “Ah, not really. I just thought I could use some exercise. I thought I’d go for a bike ride… You know, down to the park.”

  “OK, that’s fine. I do need to do some washing and some grocery shopping. You’d find that boring.” She walked over to the cabinet and took out her spare key. “Here, take this with you in case I’m at the store when you get back.”

  I took the key. “I’ll wear some of those Capri things you bought me instead of a skirt.”

  She nodded and started loading the dishwasher.

  I was sitting on one of the swings, contemplating what I was wearing. It was one of the more practical outfits I could put together. Light blue Keds, white Capris and a pullover long-sleeve top with small flowers on it. My hair was loose. Arlene really styled it girly. Somehow she’d managed to bring out the waviness of it, so that it really did look like a girl’s hair.

  Just then, a girl rode up on a bike. I looked up and she waved as she parked the bike near Grandma’s. She came over and took the swing next to me. She was about my age and was wearing some shorts and a tank top. She had pierced ears and was wearing some deep blue studs and a matching necklace. Her bust line was about the same as mine, but I doubted that it was “enhanced” like mine was.

  “Hi, my name’s Karen. I’m visiting my grandma. She lives on Chestnut Drive, near Oak Street.”

  “Hi, I’m Jamie. I’m visiting my grandma too; she lives on Oak,” I said, pointing back toward Grandma’s.”

  Karen looked at me and asked, “Do you have a sister named Pam, a couple of years older?”

  “Ah, yeah.”

  “She was here last June. You look a little like her and she was riding that bike. That’s how I knew. She wasn’t really interested in playing in the park. But she did come down to check it out. She wanted to know if there were any boys in the neighborhood. There’s not. So I didn’t see her at the park again, but I did see her riding the bike around the neighborhood.”

  We talked about our grandmothers. I found out her grandmother’s name and told her my grandmother’s name. Then we talked about school and what we did with our friends. While we were talking, we each had one foot on the ground and kind of pushed ourselves back and forth a little, kind of like in a rocking chair. She did mention that Pam wasn’t all that friendly. She thought it was because she was older and was interested in boys. She had that right. Pam had definitely developed an interest in boys. Karen wanted to know if I was interested in boys. Ewe! I assured her that I wasn’t. She seemed pleased with that.

  I had to be careful about what I said about my friends. I mean, I really didn’t hang out with girls, or do girly things, so I had to color my stories some. I didn’t really lie; I just didn’t tell a lot of things that would be telltales that I was really a boy. It didn’t matter too much. Karen liked to talk and did most of the talking. I have to admit that she had a more interesting life than I did. I mean, I only had about five friends and only two that I really hung out with. But Karen seemed to have six or seven close friends and hung out with about a dozen. What’s more, they did things together a lot. She went to the beach with her friends, had sleepovers, went to the movies and all kinds of things.

  We did do some actual swinging. But we didn’t do the daredevil thing that guys do when they swing. There was no bailing out or doing flips out the back side, just swinging to enjoy the wind blowing our hair.

  Before I knew it, my stomach was growling. Karen heard it. “I guess you’re hungry, me too. Wanna come to my grandma’s for lunch. She won’t mind. You said your grandmother was out shopping.” Without thinking about it, I agreed and we were on our bikes heading back the way we came. It was almost like we were going to my grandma’s, but we turned off about a block from there onto Chestnut Drive and stopped at the third house.

  “Hey Grandma, I met a friend at the park. Can she stay for lunch?”

  A woman about my grandmother’s age stepped into the hall and smiled. “Certainly dear. I’m glad you found someone to play with.” She looked at me for a moment and said, “You don’t live around here, do you?”

  “No ma’am, I’m visiting my grandmother. She lives over on Oak.”

  “What’s her name dear? I know a woman who lives on Oak.”

  “Ellen Chambers.”

  “Oh, yes, I do know her. We sometimes play cards at the senior center.” She studied me a little more and then asked, “Karen’s lost her manners and neglected to introduce you. What’s your name?”

  “Ah… Jamie, Jamie Carter. My grandmother is my mom’s mom.”

  She just nodded and turned toward her kitchen. “What would you girls like for lunch,” she asked over her shoulder.

  Karen looked at me and asked, “Do you like tuna? Grandma puts mayo and relish in it.” I nodded.

  We sat at the kitchen table and had our sandwiches with some chips and juice. Karen’s grandmother complimented me on my hair. She wanted to know how long I’d be in town. I told them that I’d be going home on the Fourth of July. She seemed pleased with that. As we were finishing up, Karen’s grandmother told me to tell my grandmother that Edith had said hi and to ask her to call that evening.

  After lunch, Karen and I rode our bikes around the neighborhood. I pointed out my grandmother’s house. Then she led me to another park I didn’t know about. It had a bike path that led through some woods to a lake and then circled back to the park again. When we were at the lake, we stopped and enjoyed watching the ducks swimming there. They came right up to us and quacked at us for a while before swimming off again.

  “Next time, we’ll have to bring some bread to feed them. I didn’t think about it this time.”

  We spent about half an hour there talking about nothing and everything. I was struck by how just being there was enough. There was no need to do anything but sit cross-legged on the grass and watch the ducks while we talked. If I had been there with the guys, you can bet that one of them would have been hatching a plan to catch one of the ducks. Or we’d be climbing the trees, well, they would have. I don’t have much luck climbing anything but stairs. But Karen and I just sat and talked.

  “There you are. I drove by the park on the way home. I thought I’d tell you I was back and see if you had had lunch, but you weren’t there.”

  “I met a girl named Karen and we played together for a while. She invited me to lunch at her grandmother’s house. After lunch, we went to another park that has a bike trail and a lake. It’s really cool.”

  “Oh, it’s good you’ve found a friend. We’ll have to have her over for lunch.”

  “Her grandmother said she knows you from the senior center. Her name’s Edith. She said you should call her this evening.”

  “Edith, on Chestnut Drive?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I do know her and she’s right; I do owe her a phone call. She’s one good Pinochle player.”

Chapter 10
Karen’s birthday gift

  Grandma had a nice roast in the oven and I sat at the table. When I saw how big the roast was, I had to ask why she got such a big roast and she told me that it was big enough for us to have for dinner tonight and tomorrow and then she would make a stew with the leftovers and we could eat it for two days.

  “Four dinners for the price of one. Pretty good huh?”

  After dinner, I helped with the cleanup and we watched some television.

  “There’s a movie on at ten. I got you a robe and some slippers. Why don’t you go slip into your nightie and I’ll make us some popcorn and we can watch the movie.”

  Grandma never asked me to join her in watching movies when I came before. It’s like my being a substitute granddaughter has changed how she treats me. I kind of liked it even if I’d have not chosen the ones she did. I’d have always thought them too girly. But somehow, given I was being her substitute granddaughter, I guess girly movies were called for. I was surprised just how much I enjoyed them. But when my friends asked what I did at my grandmother’s, I couldn’t tell them about what movies we watched, especially since some of them made me cry.

  Karen and I became almost inseparable. And it seemed that Grandma and Karen’s grandma spent a lot of time on the phone. We’d come back to one of their houses on more than one occasion to find them on the phone.

  We rode the bikes back to the lake with the ducks and were sure to bring some bread to feed them. But when Grandma found out we were feeding the ducks, she insisted that we take a big bag of popcorn instead. She said it was much better for the ducks.

  One day, while Grandma and I were eating dinner, she said, “Did you know that next Saturday is Karen’s birthday?”

  “No, she never told me when her birthday was.”

  “Edith is planning on taking her to dinner and a movie. She’s invited us along since you are Karen’s only friend here.”

  “Really? You mean like a birthday party?”

  “Yes, like a birthday party. Anyway, if you want to go, we should go shopping for a birthday present for her.”

  By this time, I was totally comfortable letting people think I was a girl and I was confident that no one would think otherwise. So I was all for going to Karen’s birthday party, movie and all.

  I noticed when I had been visiting at Karen’s grandmother’s house that Karen had a lot of jewelry, probably costume jewelry, but a lot. You know rings and bracelets and such that she had in a shoe box. So I told Grandma that I’d like to get her a jewelry box.

  Nothing would do but that I wear one of my nice dresses. I think Grandma was born to shop. She insisted that we make a day of it again. This time, she started with breakfast at I-Hop. I had the Funny Face Pancake combo with sausage and grandma had the two by two by two off the senior menu.

  Properly fortified, we hit the mall. If it had been me leading, I’d have gone to the mall directory, located a jewelry store and then go to see what they had in jewelry boxes. I mentioned it to Grandma and she explained that jewelry stores really didn’t stock jewelry boxes and if they did, it would be really high-end merchandise since they sell jewelry with real gemstones, like diamonds, rubies and emeralds.

  We went to several department stores and of course, Grandma couldn’t just go to the jewelry department but had to browse the section between the entrance and the jewelry department. It turns out that department stores didn’t really stock very many jewelry boxes, if any at all. We asked at the ear-piercing kiosk if the girl there knew where we could buy a jewelry box for a girl’s birthday present and she said she got hers at the outlet mall.

  It was lunchtime and Grandma was willing to give up on that mall.

  “Let’s go by The Hallmark store and get a birthday card. Then we can get some lunch and go to the Outlet Mall across town.”

  This time we went to The Cheesecake Factory. We both had their turkey sandwich and cup of soup, kinda like when we were coming from home. Only this time, it didn’t surprise me that they treated me like a girl. And when Grandma asked if I needed the restroom before we left, I didn’t freak out going to the ladies’ room. I just went in, chose a stall and sat down. I’d kind of been doing that anyway. It was necessary when I got up in the morning and was wearing my nightgown. When I wasn’t going out on the bike, grandma encouraged me to wear a dress or skirt, so I’d had plenty of practice going like a girl. It just felt natural.

  At the outlet mall, we found a store that was kind of a catch-all store that had stuff from lots of places, not just one company, but they said that everything was factory-direct. We found a really nice-looking jewelry box. It was covered with white imitation leather. The front folded out and the top lifted up. There was a tray that lifted with the lid. It had a place for pierced earrings and four little compartments for other things. When the front folded down, there was a special place for rings with a place to put a wristwatch behind it. There were two drawers that pulled out. One had two narrow compartments that would be great for necklaces and the other one was just one big place that could hold her bangles.

  Finally satisfied, we headed for home. It was a long day, but I kind of had fun. I discovered that shopping doesn’t always mean buying. All the time we spent looking at things in the department stores was kind of neat. There was no rush to find anything and we could just look all we wanted.

  After dinner, Grandma got out her wrapping paper and she taught me how to wrap gifts so it looked like a professional did it. She had some pink paper with hearts and balloons on it and one of those stick-on ribbons that went with it. Grandma surprised me before we wrapped the present.

  “Do you think Karen would like either of these earrings?” she asked as she showed me two pairs of really nice earrings. “I never wear them anymore.” One was a drop earring with a stone that hung down just a little. The stone was something called “cubic zirconium” I had to ask if it was a real diamond to find that out. The other was a stud with an emerald green stone. I don’t know if it was real or not; I didn’t ask.

  “I think she’d like that cubic thing. I don’t think she has any with a stone that dangles.”

  “OK, you can have the other one,”

  Grandma put the cubic dangly in one of the pierce earring spots and then we wrapped the jewelry box.

  I didn’t know what I’d do with the earrings that Grandma gave me, but I sure wasn’t going to turn them down.

  On the day before Karen’s party, Grandma picked out the dress for me and made sure it went with the dressy sandals I got. I guess Grandma had been right. You never know when a dressy occasion will turn up.

Chapter 11
Karen’s party

  When I got dressed, she spent an awful long time fussing with my hair. She put bobby pins and glittery barrettes in it and sprayed it with hair spray. I thought I was way too dressed up. But Grandma told me she’d talked to Edith and that Karen was dressing up too.

  We took the gift and drove over to Edith’s house. Grandma was right; Karen was all dressed up. She even had on some lip gloss and perfume.

  “Grandma said that since it’s a special day, that I could wear lipstick,” Karen said as we hugged.

  Grandma and Edith hugged as well.

  “Do you want to open your gift now or wait until later?” Grandma asked Karen.

  Karen looked at her grandmother.

  “It’s up to you honey.”

  I wanted her to see what I got her, so I said, “Open it now.”

  She took the gift from me and sat on the sofa. She looked at me and smiled as she carefully unwrapped the gift.

  “It’s a jewelry box,” I stated lamely, like I thought she couldn’t tell.

  “Oh,” she said. “It’s lovely. I really needed a jewelry box.”

  “It’s got everything,” I told her, reaching over and lifting the lid. The tray with the earring holder lifted with it, revealing the front opening. I then pulled it down to show the two drawers and the ring holder.

  “Oh wow. I thought it would just be a nice box to keep my jewelry in.”

  “The top drawer has two compartments for necklaces and the bottom is big enough to hold your bangles. There’s even place for a watch behind the rings.”

  She looked at the earring holders and exclaimed, “It comes with some dangly earrings. I don’t have any dangly earrings.”

  “Ah, those are from my grandma.”

  She took her earrings out and put them in the holder and put the dangly ones in her ears. She grinned broadly and shook her head a little.

  “I hope it was alright to give her some dangly earrings,” Grandma said to Edith.

  “Oh, they aren’t like chandelier earrings; they only hang down a little bit. I’m sure her mother won’t mind.”

  “Maybe if she does, I could only wear them on special occasions, like my birthday,” Karen offered.

  “Well, it’s your birthday, so today’s a good day to wear them,” Edith said.

  We all climbed into Edith’s car; Grandma in front with Edith and Karen and me in the back.

  Off we went to the tri-cinema. We chose the movie “Toy Story 4,” well Karen chose it; it was her birthday after all. Woody and crew did their usual thing revolving around a new craft-project-turned-toy, Forky. Woody has to convince Forky that he’s really a toy and not trash. Woody also meets up with Bo Peep, who’s gone on the road and they discover that they are worlds apart in their role as toys. It was really heartwarming, just like all the Toy Story movies. I really liked it.

  After the movie, we went to a place called “The Pink Door,” an Italian restaurant, because Karen likes Italian. It was OK by me because I like Italian too. It was a fancy-looking place inside. Real formal. I was glad that Grandma insisted that I wear a fancy dress.

  Grandma ordered an appetizer, they called it antipasti, called Cheese Board Supreme. It had all kinds of cheeses and crackers. For dinner, Karen and I both had the Lasagna Pink Door. I really wanted the Spaghetti and Meatballs, but I can kind of get messy when I eat spaghetti and lasagna almost tastes the same. Grandma had something called Cioppino Pink Door. It was some kind of mixed seafood thing in a wine broth. Edith had their Summer In The Northwest Risotto. It had crab and prawns and clams and stuff.

  The waitress was real nice and asked if it was a special occasion. We told her it was Karen’s birthday. While we were talking about the movie and laughing some more about the funny parts of the movie, the waitress came over with a cupcake and a candle for Karen and wished her a happy birthday.

  Back at Karen’s grandma’s house, we had cake and ice cream. By then, Karen and I were really tired, so we made it an early night with a promise that we’d get together on Sunday.

  The next week seemed to fly by. Karen and I seemed to be inseparable. We got together every day. Sometimes, it was bike riding or playing in the park. Maybe hanging out at the lake feeding popcorn to the ducks or just at one of our grandmother’s houses watching TV. I had friends at home, but none that I saw every day and when I did, it often was an “I bet you can’t beat me at this” kind of encounter with each of us trying to outdo each other. But with Karen, we just enjoyed being with each other.

  A week after her birthday, on a Saturday, we were feeding the ducks at the lake. It had become our quiet place. We never saw anyone else there, though I’m sure that there were some other people who came there.

  We were just lying on the grass watching the clouds.

  Out of the blue, Karen said, “I really wish we had the whole summer together. It’s been so much fun to have you around.”

  “I know,” I said. “I wish we could stay longer.”

  “Yeah, after dinner tonight, I’ll have to pack up so grandma can take me home in the morning. I live in Gresham, Oregon. How far from there do you live?”

  “I live in Hillsboro.”

  “That’s not so far away. If we had each other’s phone number, maybe we could get together at home.”

  I didn’t know about that. I mean, she knows me as a girl named Jamie and at home, I’m a boy named Jimmy. I decided that it would seem strange if I didn’t want to have her phone number.

  “Yeah, that would be great. I don’t know how I’d get all the way to Gresham from Hillsboro, but maybe we could work something out.”

  So, we agreed that when we got back, we’d both write our numbers down and exchange them.

Chapter 12
She knows

  We were quiet for a while after that and then Karen said, “I guess I should tell you.”

  “Tell me what?” I asked.

  She bit her lip for a few seconds.

  “I know that Pam only has a brother.”

  My heart stopped. I blinked my eyes; I thought I was going to pass out. What could I say?

  “You… how? How do you know that?”

  “Remember, I told you I met your sister, Pam, when she was here last June? Well, she told me that it was a shame that I wasn’t here in July because her brother Jimmy would be here then. She also said that Jimmy was her only sibling. I had to ask her what a sibling was. It’s a brother or sister.”

  I swallowed hard.

  “So, you’ve known all along that I wasn’t really a girl?”

  She shrugged her shoulders.

  “It really doesn’t make any difference. I’ve heard there are boys who like to dress as girls and that some of them really want to be girls. You were nice and fun to be with, so boy or girl or boy who wants to be a girl, it doesn’t matter. We’re friends and friends accept their friends as they are and don’t ask them to be anything but what they are.”

  ‘Wow, that’s really deep. Where do I really fit in that statement? I’m a boy and I’ve come to like wearing girl clothes, but is there more? Do I want to become a girl? I don’t think so.’ Then I wondered if Karen knew, does her grandma?

  “Does… does your grandma know?”

  “Yeah,” she answered casually. I heard her on the phone talking to your grandma. Our grandmas have been friends for a long time and they’ve each shown pictures of their grandchildren to each other. So, when she found out who your grandmother was, she knew. That’s why she wanted you to have your grandma call her that first day. The next morning, she talked to me about it and when I told her I knew already, we talked about how to treat you and we both thought that if you wanted to be a girl while you were here, we should just act as if you were.”

  I’ve got to tell you, I was both relieved and horrified. I was relieved that they were OK with me pretending to be a girl and horrified that they knew.

  “But, you know that means when we go home, Jamie can’t be seen. I mean, I’ve got friends in my neighborhood who wouldn’t be cool with me dressing in girl’s clothes. So, do you still want to be my friend and exchange phone numbers?”

  “Well yeah. We could talk on the phone. It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing over the phone. You’ll still be Jamie to me.” She was quiet for a moment. “But maybe, there might be a way that Jamie could come visit me. I have some girlfriends that would love to know you and they don’t necessarily have to know you’re not really a girl.”

  “I don’t know about that, but I won’t say no.”

  It was time to head back for dinner, so we got on our bikes and headed out. As we got to Grandma’s, Karen took a minute to come in.

  “I just wanted to say goodbye,” Karen said to Grandma.

  “You’re going home tomorrow, aren’t you?” Grandma asked.

  “Yeah. I’ve really enjoyed having Jamie here this year. Can she come back in June next year? It’s the only time I can come. I have to visit my other grandparents in July. They live in Lincoln City and have a standing reservation at their timeshare in Cabo San Lucas. I don’t have my own passport, so I can’t go with them.”

  Grandma looked at me. “I wouldn’t mind if Jamie made June her regular month here. What do you say Jamie? Would you like to come in June next year? I’m sure Pam doesn’t care which month she’s here.”

  ‘Spend next June wearing these clothes? I knew I should balk, but… well, they were nice to wear and I’d get to hang out with Karen again.’

  “Yeah, June sounds good to me. But what about mom? Shouldn’t we ask her?”

  “I’m sure she won’t mind. I’ve talked to her on the phone and told her about how you and Karen have been having fun together and she was really glad you had a friend here. So, if we tell her that Karen can only come in June, I’m sure that she’ll agree.”

  That settled, I walked Karen to the door and she hugged me real tight and we had a tearful goodbye.

  “Grandma, Karen and her grandma know I’m really Jimmy.”

  “I knew that Edith knew. When I called the evening you met Karen, she asked me about it. We’ve known each other for a long time and she knows that my grandchildren are a boy and a girl. So, I told her that you were experimenting and exploring your feminine side.”

  “Karen recognized your bike as the one Pam rode last year and Pam told her then that her brother Jimmy would be here in July. So she knew as soon as I introduced myself.”

  “Well then, neither of them cares. You’ve had a good time here this year, haven’t you?” I nodded. “I’ve had a good time having a granddaughter to do girl things with and Karen really has enjoyed having a girl friend to hang out with this summer. What’s more, Edith doesn’t have to try to fill Karen’s time with you two doing things together. I’d say it’s a win, win, win. We all get something from Jamie being here.”

  It was only three days later that it was my turn to pack up to go home. We always went to Fort Vancouver’s fireworks, where Mom and Grandma exchanged kids. This year, I’d have to pull a magic trick to appear as Jimmy when the exchange was made. I’d become so comfortable as Jamie, that I wasn’t sure I could pull it off. To tell the truth, I wasn’t too keen to put on those old scratchy Jimmy clothes.

Chapter 13
Going home

  As I packed up, I knew I wouldn’t be able to, nor would it be a good idea to take all off Jamie's new wardrobe, but I knew I wanted some of it. The suitcase I had brought was really bigger than I needed, so I was sure that I could put some of the things in there. So I carefully examined each of my tops to see which ones could pass as boy’s clothes and I also considered all my shorts in the same light. Then, of course, I’d be taking my panties. After all, I brought nine of them and I might just as well take the camis as well. I really wished I could take a dress or two… or maybe a skirt and blouse, not to mention one of my nightgowns and robe. It would feel funny to sleep in anything else.

  I only found two pairs of shorts and two tee shirts that I was willing to take a chance on. I packed one and left the other one, a dark blue top that hung down over my butt a bit, a pair of brown shorts and a cami out to wear in the morning. In the end, I stuffed one of my nightgowns along with one of my bras in the side pocket of the suitcase. I never used that pocket because it was too small for much, but it would hold those thin garments. I thought long and hard about my casual sandals. I finally decided that while I wouldn’t wear them around the neighborhood, I could wear them at home. If Pam or Mom said anything, I could just lay it off on Grandma and tell them that she bought them for me.

  I was going to take my earrings out, but somehow, I couldn’t make myself do it that night. I promised myself I’d do it in the morning.

  “I’m all packed,” I told Grandma when I came down.

  “What about your dresses and other clothes that I bought you here?”

  “Ah … I didn’t have room for all of that in my suitcase.”

  “I suppose not. Well, I’ll have to do something with them. Pam will want closet and dresser space here. She’ll show up with two suitcases full of jeans and tee shirts and those awful cotton panties she likes to wear. I’m so glad I found out you like to wear the fancy ones I like to buy for my granddaughters.”

  With that, she headed up to the guest room that Pam and I used when we visited. Grandma had downsized when Grandpa died and her current home was only a two-bedroom. I went to use her computer. The one that tempted me to make the bet that brought Jamie to light. She had told me that I could use it anytime I wanted. The only thing that I wanted to do was search on why I liked girl’s clothes. Certainly, it wasn’t common for boys to like wearing girl’s clothes. But then Karen had said that she’d heard of boys who did and boys who wanted to be girls. I’d heard of neither. I wasn’t willing to do that search while Grandma could walk up behind me and see what I was looking at and I sure wasn’t going to do it at home with our computer right there in the living room.

  I was computer savvy enough to know how to use a private window so the computer wouldn’t save searches or web browsing history, so in the half an hour that Grandma was upstairs cleaning out the closets and dresser, I was able to find enough sites that fit the search “boys who like to wear girl's clothes” that it left me confused. That is, they didn’t answer any questions as to what that meant about me. They did, however, let me know that it wasn’t that uncommon and that when parents found out about it, that they shouldn’t freak out. It probably meant nothing. When I heard Grandma coming down the stairs, I closed the browser and shut down the computer. I was in the kitchen when Grandma carried a box out to the garage.

  “I’ll find a place for these; the closet and dresser are clear,” she told me.

  I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t think that the box was big enough to hold everything I hadn’t put in my suitcase. I got myself some Dr. Pepper out of the fridge, went to the living room and started watching television. I was right, Grandma made a second trip to the garage with another box. The two of them should hold everything if she packed it tight.

  In the morning we slept in. Grandma said that she’d be driving after dark and wanted to be sure she was well rested. When we got up, we dressed and Grandma took my suitcase to the car while I ate breakfast. I had managed to get a rather plain hair tie while we were out and about doing all that shopping, so I’d pulled my hair back in a ponytail. It was the first time I had worn it that way since I lost the bet. It felt kind of funny. We took off about noon and headed back toward Hillsboro, well, Vancouver. That’s where the big exchange would take place.

  Grandma and I got there first. We always parked near the entrance to the parking lot, unlike most people who parked near to the river and picnic tables. That way, Mom could park near Grandma and we wouldn’t have to lug suitcases halfway across the parking lot,

  A lot of people were there and had obviously been there a while. There was one picnic table still available, practically at the west end of the parking lot behind some trees. We laid claim to that one before anyone else could. When the fireworks started, we’d have to move in order to get a good view, but it would let us eat sitting at a table rather than cross-legged on the ground. Grandma said she was getting too old to do that anymore.

Chapter 14
Mom knows all

  Mom showed up about an hour later and Grandma had me stay at the table while she went over to the car. Pam came over carrying a picnic basket that I know would have fried chicken and some canned baked beans. Mom and Grandma seemed to be taking a long time at the cars.

  As we waited for Mom and Grandma, Pam gave me a long look.

  “Your hair is different. You’ve got bangs.”

  “Yeah, well, Grandma said I had split ends and needed it trimmed, so she took me to her hairdresser. I guess she’s not used to doing boy’s hair because when she got through, I looked like a girl.”

  “OK, that could explain the hair, but I notice you got your ears pierced too.”

  My hands flew to my ears. ‘Oh… my… God! I forgot to take my earrings out this morning.’

  “I met a girl there named Karen and she kind of dared me. She said that boys at her school had both ears pierced… she kind of made it sound like I’d be a chicken if I didn’t.” It was a total lie, but Pam would never meet Karen and so she’d never be able to prove that wasn’t what happened.

  “Whatever. You look kind of cute with your bangs and earrings. I’ve got extra earrings that might look cute on you. Whenever you wear those nylon panties Grandma likes to buy, you can wear them. I bet with your hair down, you’d look just like a girl.”

  Just then, Mom and Grandma came carrying a cooler between them. The cooler would have potato salad and ambrosia, plus some cold drinks. That kind of put the kibosh on Pam’s teasing. Good thing too, she was about to pin me down on the whole thing and I wasn’t ready for her to know that I’d spent the last month dressing as a girl. Heck, I knew I would never be ready.

  We ate and hauled the cooler back to our van and set it just inside one of the sliders so that we could get to it easily. We each took a cold drink and Mom produced a soft side cooler that had wheels like some luggage did. She transferred the cold drinks to that. Grandma opened her trunk and got out the camp chairs that she and Grandpa used to use when we all went camping together. We went to see if there was a spot we could claim that had a decent view. We ended up pretty close to the parking lot. Grandma said she’d want to be as close to the car as possible so she could hot foot it back and be one of the first to get to the freeway northbound.

  All through the afternoon, Pam kept looking at me and grinning. I don’t think, or at least I hoped she hadn’t put two and two together to come up with five. After the fireworks had been going on for about fifteen minutes, we packed up our chairs and made our way to the cars. As soon as the grand finale started, Pam and Grandma piled into Grandma’s car and Mom and I got in our van. We weren’t the first out, but it only took about five minutes to make it to the street.

  Mom and I were home by eleven. I felt sorry for Grandma, she still had over two hours of travel time. They’d likely go straight to her house and drag Pam’s suitcase in and fall into bed. I remember that was the case for me last year. I was glad that I slept in my underwear. Though one year, I just kicked off my shoes, lay down and curled up on top of the bedspread.

  Mom snatched my suitcase for me and we headed inside.

  “We’ll get the rest of it tomorrow.”

  “The rest of it?”

  “Yeah, Mom sent some things she said you’d want.”

  I was tired. It seemed like a long day. I went up to my room, lugging my suitcase. I wouldn’t take time to unpack right then. Time enough in the morning. I undressed and when I got down to my panties and cami, I dithered about wearing my nightgown to bed. I was concerned that Mom might come in and wake me up. In the end, I set an alarm early enough that I was sure that I’d be up before Mom came to wake me.

  I got up, fished out clean underwear and put on another of my new shorts and a t-shirt. I was downstairs and had brewed a pot of coffee for Mom. I was eating cereal when Mom came in.

  “You’re up early.”

  “I guess. I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow and then this morning, about 6:30, my bladder woke me and by the time I took care of that, I was too wide awake to go back to bed.” I had thought about just what I was going to say while I lay in my bed last night. I hated to lie to Mom, but I didn’t know what else to do. I had hoped that she wouldn’t ask.

  Mom fixed herself some breakfast and while she ate, which didn’t take long, she eats like a bird, she wanted to “debrief” me on my month at Grandma’s.

  “So, tell me what all you got up to at your grandma’s.”

  “Oh, pretty much the usual.”

  I didn’t want to go into detail about what Karen and I did or, for that matter, about all the stuff Grandma bought for me. I knew I was going to miss all those nice clothes. ‘Just how is it that in only a month’s time, I went from being an average boy to being a weirdo who likes dressing up in girl’s clothes?’

  “Mom tells me that you met a friend this summer and that she can only visit in June and that you want to go in June next year.”

  “Ah… yeah, my friend has to visit their other grandparents in July because they do other stuff in June.”

  “Couldn’t she visit them in August?”

  She? I had tried to camouflage Karen’s gender. I should have known better. Grandma wouldn’t have.

  “I think her mom and dad have their vacation in August. Kind of like we do.”

  “What did you like most about hanging out with Karen?”

  I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Mostly that she was there and that there was someone to do stuff with. It was way more fun to ride the bike and go to the park with her than it was before when I had to do it by myself.”

  “Here at home, you hang out with boys and do a lot of boys-only kind of things. Didn’t it bother you to have to do stuff that a girl would like to do?”

  “Well, I never really thought about it being stuff that a ‘girl’ would want to do. We just rode our bikes, hung out at the park and played on the swings. She showed me another park I didn’t know about that had a really cool bike path that went down to a small lake. There were ducks there and sometimes we’d stay and feed the ducks.

  “It’s not going to be a problem if I go in June from now on, is it? I kind of promised Karen.”

  “No, I don’t think it would be a problem. I don’t think that Pam cares much either way which month she goes in.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “From what Mom tells me Karen is a really nice and polite girl. In fact, she thinks that Karen was a good influence on you. You acted a whole lot different this year than in the past. She put it off on the fact that you admitted that you liked wearing those nice panties…”

  Mom let that statement hang. ‘God, what all did Grandma tell her about my stay? Surely she didn’t tell Mom that I spent the month dressed as a girl!’

  By then, Mom had finished her breakfast.

Chapter 15
I thought I lost

  “Why don’t we see what your grandma sent in those boxes in the trunk?”

  ‘Oh yeah, she did say something about getting the “rest of it” out of the car today.’

  I followed Mom out to the garage. She opened the hatchback of the van and right there in front of some other boxes was an open-top box containing Grandma’s computer and another one with the printer and all the cables.

  “Mom! That’s Grandma’s computer.”

  “Yes, she said that she thought you earned it this year.”

  “But I lost the bet!”

  ‘Oh, oh. Why did I say that?’

  “And what bet would that be?”

  I didn’t know what to say. I had already gotten away with one lie today. That was one more than I usually got away with. Mom always seemed to have a sixth sense about lying when it came to me. Pam, she could tell whoppers and Mom only sometimes would catch on. But me, almost every time I tried, she just looked at me and asked if I’d like to rephrase that so it sounded more truthful. If I was going to have a chance of getting away with it, I had to plan just what I was going to say in advance, like I had for this morning, so that I could pick it apart for flaws. I was just no good at making up a lie on the fly.

  “You know all about it already, don’t you?”

  She pulled me in for a hug.

  “Yes dear. When she got here to pick you up, we had a long discussion about you and the fancy panties. I couldn’t honestly say whether you really liked wearing them or not. But I suspected you did. Last August, you wore them nearly two days longer than you needed to.”

  I shot her a look of dismay.

  “Yes, I know. When I did the wash the following week, there weren’t enough of your jockey shorts. You were one short. I went and looked in your drawer and there was one too many clean. That means that not only did you wear the panties three days, but on the following day, you chose to wear one-day-old panties rather than clean jockeys. What’s more, there was one more time when you were a pair of undies short. When I put the laundry away, I checked your supply and found the extra one. I looked at the panties and one of them showed signs of being hand-washed and hung from a hook to dry. I’d bet you wore them one day then as well.

  “So, Mom proposed that we push you a little and see just how you really felt about wearing panties. Circumstances played right into her hands when your rubber band broke. Mom wanted to replace it with that scrunchie anyway.”

  “So, you’re saying that maybe Grandma broke the rubber band on purpose?”

  “I don’t know, but that gave her a place to start. You needed to have something done with your hair anyway. So, when you went to Arlene’s wearing that scrunchie and Arlene gave you this great hairstyle that made it easy to advance the idea.”

  “So I was set up then?”

  “Sort of. Your grandma picked her stops and their order carefully. She figured that if you balked at the panties, that would be that. But you just went along with buying panties. Then she upped the ante and added camisoles and you went along with it; that and the nightgowns. At that point, she figured that you did indeed like it. But I have to ask: when you were leaving lunch that first day, why did you take the bet? I mean, there had been three or four people who you knew thought you were a girl. Surely, you couldn’t believe that anyone else would think otherwise, especially since part of the bet was that you try not to act like a boy.”

  I stopped and thought about it. That was the real turning point. I could have just said that I didn’t want to do it because it was embarrassing. My mind was playing tricks on me… there was some intriguing aspect of the idea that made me want to find out for sure if it was true; could I really pass for a girl? ‘I guess you found out, didn’t you.’

  I had been looking at the ground as I mulled over the question. I looked up at Mom and said, “I guess when she said it, I was just curious to see if she was right. I don’t know if I hoped she was wrong or if I hoped she was right… turns out she was right.”

  “So where does that leave you with the idea of wearing girl’s clothes?”

  “I don’t know. I came to like it easily enough, but all my girl’s clothes are at Grandma’s.”

  “That’s what’s in those two boxes.”

Chapter 16
Jamie settles in at home

  Mom insisted that I show her what Jamie looked like and honestly, I wanted to show her. Somehow, I was proud of the fact I could look so much like a girl that I could even use the ladies’ room without anyone blinking an eye. While I was eager to set up Grandma’s, or I guess I should say my computer, I wanted to do it as Jamie.

  Mom helped me unpack all the clothes Grandma had bought me. Somehow, I never really realized just how many there were. As a boy, I’d never really had much that needed hanging up, just a couple of slacks and three button-down shirts. Mostly, my wardrobe consisted of tees and jeans plus some shorts, all of which could be stuffed into drawers. That meant that the dresses, skirts and blouses had plenty of room to hang, but I would need to clear out some drawers in my dresser to accommodate my lingerie… “My lingerie” there’s a term I’d never have thought of using before going to Grandma’s this year.

  I chose to put on the outfit that I’d worn to Karen’s birthday. Once I had it on, Mom, with a tear in her eye, pulled me into a hug. I don’t know the last time that Mom hugged me. It felt good, right even. As Jimmy I couldn’t let Mom hug me that way, but as Jamie, it was right and good.

  I soon had my computer up and running. True to her word, Grandma had put in a Wi-Fi card. I never had needed the password to our home Wi-Fi before, but Mom used it for her smartphone so she shared it with me to get the computer up and running.

  “Mom, what’s Grandma going to do without her computer? Doesn’t she need it for her writing?” Grandma is an indie author. She writes romance books under some pen name or another.

  “She told me when she came to pick you up that she was replacing her complete system for one that’s more powerful. She asked me if I’d object to giving you this one.”

  “You mean that she was planning on giving it to me all along?”

  “Yes, her new computer should be delivered tomorrow or the next day, so she’ll only be without it for a day or two and she already backed up all her data files to a couple of flash drives.”

  Talk about a setup. She gave me the opportunity to “win” the computer she already had planned to give me. She’s sneaky. She had to know that the lure of having my own computer would cause me to take risks that I otherwise would have avoided.

  It was the next day when Chuck called. I was sitting at my new, well new to me, computer, dressed in one of my full skirts and a white blouse with long loose sleeves.

  “Ja… Jimmy, Chuck’s on the phone for you.”

  I had a sudden panic. Chuck is one of the guys I hang out with. He’s kind of the leader of our group, well, at least in his eyes. He’s the one that comes up with the things we get into. Here I was as Jamie and he wanted to talk to Jimmy. It took a few minutes before I could convince myself that it would be OK because he couldn’t see me over the phone.

  “Hi Chuck. Wassup?”

  I was trying to sound as macho as I could. But I was feeling anything but macho. I mean, how could I? I was dressed about as femininely as I could have been. The only way I could top this outfit would be to have been still in my nightgown and robe like I was at breakfast.

  “Hey Jimmy, while you were gone, me and the guys have started building a fort down by the river. We set it up in the hollow space where they filled in for the train tracks. We’ve got the roof done and we’re going to fill in the walls today. We had to take a couple of days off because of the 4th, but we’re ready to get back to work. We haven’t heard from you since you got back. So I decided to call you and see if you wanted to come help us finish the work.”

  “Ah … I don’t think so. Not today. I’ve been gone for a month and my mom wants to spend some time with me.” Not a lie; I just nudged the truth a little bit. Mom did want to spend some time with Jamie.

  “Are you sure? We were planning on making it a clubhouse with only members being allowed in and well, helping to build it would be the best way to be a member.”

  Somehow, that didn’t seem at all attractive to me. Who knows what sort of meetings or rules they might come up with for this club?

  “Oh well,” time for the big lie. I might be able to get away with it considering Chuck doesn’t have the sixth sense that Mom does. I’ve lied to him before when he wanted me to do something that I was sure we wouldn’t get away with. “I really can’t. Mom is about to take me somewhere and I’ve already agreed to go.”

  “OK, but you’ll have to go through some kind of membership ritual to join the club if you don’t come help build it.”

  “Well, I guess that’s fair.”

  “If you can get there before we’re through today, we’ll count it as helping, but if not…”

  “I know. I gotta get going; Mom’s ready to go.”

  I hung up on him. After spending a month bonding with Karen, just accepting that we were who we were and liking each other was enough, dealing with Chuck and the guys was more than I wanted to get into so soon. Thinking about it, I really didn’t like Chuck. The other guys were alright, but they just kind of let Chuck take over. In truth, I wasn’t sure I liked them… I mean, they weren’t friends I could count on, not like Karen.

  “What’s this about your mom wanting to take you somewhere?”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize you were listening.”

  “I didn’t mean to, but you kind of raised your voice there at the end and it was hard not to. What was that all about?”

  “Oh, Chuck and the guys are building a fort down by the river. There’s a spot where the railroad has raised the grade and created a little hollow space. They’re putting it there. I’m not sure, but I think that’s part of the land that the railroad owns and I don’t really think they’d like anyone building anything there.”

  “And you don’t want to get involved, right?”

  “Yeah. If anything happened, we might get into trouble.”

  Mom smiled.

  “Well, I’m glad that you don’t want to get involved. But why didn’t you just tell Chuck the real reason and advise him to move the location?”

  “You don’t know Chuck. He really doesn’t care if he’s supposed to be doing something. If you try to talk him out of what he wants to do and simply outright refuse to go along, he calls you a chicken or a pantywaist.” That last word caused me to blush because right then, I was a pantywaist, literally.

  Mom hugged me and said, “Well, since I don’t condone lying, I guess your mom better take you somewhere. We haven’t been to a movie together in a long, long time. Both Aladdin and Frozen II are playing at Movies on TV. We can get some dinner at Reedville Café after.”

  I’d kind of wanted to see Frozen II. I saw Frozen, the original, five years ago. I was young enough then for it to be OK for me, as a boy to see such a girly film. But now, I would be ridiculed if I admitted that I wanted to see Frozen II.

  I took Mom up on her offer. I even wore my dressy sandals. It was great. The story was every bit as good as the original. After that, we went to dinner as promised. The day was as good as Karen’s birthday.

  On the way home, Mom wanted to know, “Did you have a good time today?”

  “It was the best Mom. The only thing that would have made it better would have been to have Karen with us. Then it would have been just like her birthday when we went to see Toy Story 4 and had dinner out.”

  “Well, maybe we could see about planning another time when we could invite Karen.”

Chapter 17
Pam comes home

  The first weekend in August, Grandma brought Pam home. Mom and I were just getting lunch together when they arrived. When Mom announced that she’d seen Grandma’s car pulling up in the driveway, I took a moment to check my appearance. I had intended to wear some of my baggy Jimmy jeans, a Jonas Brothers tee-shirt and my tennies, but when push came to shove, I couldn’t make myself put them on. I had tried wearing things like that and well, it kind of put me in a bad mood. So instead, after trying three other outfits, I settled on a pair of beige shorts and a sky blue, plain tee-shirt and my new casual sandals. I had been trying for androgynous, but suddenly, I was afraid I was just a little too far toward the feminine side of that. ‘Oh well, too late to do anything about it now.’

  Pam was glad to be home. She gave Mom a hug and to my surprise, gave me a hug too. Grandma gave me a hug first and whispered in my ear, “I see you’re still wearing some of the clothes I bought you. I’m glad.”

  We all sat down to lunch and made small talk. All the while, Pam was taking side glances at me and smiling. Normally, she didn’t really pay any attention to me except to berate me about my poor choice of friends. She didn’t like Chuck and the gang, but Chuck most of all. Somehow, her looking at me like that made me nervous.

  Grandma stayed ‘till dinner. She cornered me while Pam went upstairs to unpack.

  “So, I see that Jamie is alive and well. I wondered if you’d bury her when you got home.”

  “I wanted to, but when Mom showed me that you had sent all my clothes, I… well, Mom wanted to see Jamie. And after putting it all on again… I don’t know… it was easy to just keep wearing it.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s pretty common for a boy who’s tried cross-dressing to keep at it. You’ll probably continue for the rest of your life. I know for a fact that your mother is good with you exploring your feminine side.”

  “But Grandma, what about school? I can’t let anyone know I like girl’s clothes at school. I’d be crucified.”

  “Well, perhaps your mother could buy some things from the girl’s rack that look a lot like boy’s clothes. You’re almost there today. If you had worn jeans and tennis shoes, you’d have made it. Most of what Pam wears would fall into that category and compared to some girls I’ve seen, she’s pretty feminine. You’ll need to do some school shopping. Get some girl’s jeans; just don’t get any with fancy stuff. A lot of those tee-shirts I got you would work. I’ll bet that you won’t have any trouble finding something suitable.”

  “Grandma,” I said smiling, “a bet is what got this all started.”

  “Not so; it was your mom’s washing machine breaking down and the fortuitous happenstance that you were in need of clean underwear at the time. Luckily, Pam had some that she was willing to loan you.”

After Grandma left, Pam and I were in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner.

  “You know, I really should thank you for what you did at Grandma’s this year. I understand that you made a friend. What’s her name…? Karenina or something like that.”

  “Karen,”

  “Grandma tells me that you two were joined at the hip nearly the whole month.”

  “Well, I don’t know about that, but it was a lot more fun at Grandma’s with someone to do things with… Wait, you said you should thank me. What for?”

  “You fulfilled Grandma’s dream of having a girly granddaughter to fawn over and buy all the girly things she thinks granddaughters ought to wear.”

  I almost fell down; I was so shaken. Did Grandma rat me out? Did she tell Pam everything?

  “Don’t look so shocked. Mom knew what Grandma was doing with you. They were on the phone with each other at least twice a week. Mom didn’t know how you’d be dressed when we saw you on the Fourth. So… she prepared me. I was checking out your outfit. If I hadn’t been expecting you to be really girly, I’d have still noticed your new clothes, but I probably wouldn’t have pegged them as girl’s clothes if I wasn’t expecting a lot more. I knew what kind of clothes Grandma wanted to buy me.”

  “You’re not going to get on my case about wearing girl’s clothes?”

  “No, what you wear is between you and Mom. I couldn’t care less. You remember when you had to borrow my underwear, I didn’t say anything. Actually, when you ended up wearing all three pairs, I was glad. I had a viable excuse for not wearing them myself. Then, when Grandma sent me some more for my birthday and Mom said I could give them to you, you notice I wasted no time doing that.

  “I also noticed that you didn’t bolt up to your room to get them off. You could have changed out of them by ten o’clock, but no, you left them on for the rest of the day. I figured that you kept them on because you liked wearing them. Grandma found them in your drawer, so I knew you didn’t dispose of them… again, I figured you liked them and so did Grandma… and I suppose Mom as well.”

  “So you’re OK with having a brother that’s a cross-dresser?”

  “Meh, I guess I’ve got a part-time sister. I’d love to meet… what is it that she calls you… Jamie? Yeah, that’s it, Jamie. I’d love to meet Jamie. I mean, I guess you’re Jamie right now, but I mean the girly Jamie. The one who took one for the team and took the pressure off me to fulfill the role.”

  “So, I take it that Grandma didn’t want to take you shopping this year?”

  “No, that left me a lot more time to discover what was going on around the neighborhood. I saw a couple of kids my age getting on the bus one day. I watched for them and two days later they did it again. So, I checked out the bus schedule and made sure to be within sight of the bus stop whenever the bus was scheduled to get there and when they got off, I met them. They live about six blocks from Grandma. The opposite direction from the park. They go hang out at the mall and stuff. The boy is a year older than me and the girl is a year younger. They go to the mall together, but they meet their own friends there. Sometimes, the two groups do things together, sometimes, they split up. Anyway, I spent a lot of time hanging out with them. So I made friends as well.”

Chapter 18
An invitation

  After that, I spent a lot of time on my computer, not always wearing more girly clothes, but some of the time. Chuck had called a couple of times and he’d put Randy up to calling as well. So when Pam called me to the phone, I told her to tell Chuck I was busy.

  “It’s a girl,” she said. “She asked for Jimmy.”

  Wondering just who it would be, I answered it with some concern.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, it’s Karen.”

  “Oh, hi Karen. I was wondering if you’d got home yet.”

  “Yeah, a few days ago. Of course, all my friends wanted to get in touch, so I’ve been busy catching up with them.”

  “Yeah, the guys I usually hang out with called some, but I’ve been busy and not done anything with them.”

  “I know that at home you were always Jimmy, so I asked for you by that name. But as far as I’m concerned, you are Jamie on the other end of the phone connection.”

  “It’s OK, Mom has been really good about Jamie. She knew from the beginning that Grandma was going to tempt me to embrace Jamie. As a matter of fact, I’m wearing Jamie’s clothes right now.”

  “Oh, well, good because the reason I called is I wanted to know if you were busy next Saturday.”

  “I don’t think so, why?”

  “Well, you remember I had my birthday in June and all my girlfriends usually throw me a party in August because they can’t in June. They call it an ‘un-birthday party.’ Well, they want to do it next Saturday. I told them that I wanted to have my new friend, Jamie, come and anyway if you can’t make it this coming Saturday, we can reschedule for a day you can make it.”

  “I don’t know. Aren’t you afraid that one of them might figure out that I’m really a boy?”

  “Not a problem. When I told them about meeting a friend at Grandma’s, I explained that you were trans. We’ve been learning about transgender in school and they think it’s cool that I have a transgender friend.”

  “I’ll have to ask my Mom. I think she’ll have to drive me out to your place, so it’ll depend on her schedule.”

  Mom was in earshot of the phone and when I mentioned her, she looked over at me with a question in her eyes.

  “Ah, can you hang on for a minute? She’s right here and I need to talk to her for a minute.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  I set the phone down and walked over to Mom.

  “What do you need to ask me about and where would I need to drive you?”

  “It’s Karen and her friends want to throw her an un-birthday party this Saturday. She wants me, Jamie, to come to the party. She lives in Gresham and the only way I could see for me to get there would be if you drove me.”

  “I don’t know. Driving you out there is not the issue. It’s you going to a party where everyone thinks you’re a girl. If any of them figure it out, it might just turn ugly.”

  “I don’t think that will be a problem. She told them I’m trans, whatever that is and all her friends think it’s cool she has a transgender friend.”

  “She did, huh? On the condition that I get to talk to her mother, I’ll take you out for the party.”

  “OK, I’ll tell Karen.”

  I went back to the phone.

  “Karen?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I talked to my mom and she’s able to take me out there, but she wants to talk to your mom before she commits.”

  “OK. My mom is right here. Does she want to talk to her right now?”

  “Mom,” I called. “Do you want to talk to Karen’s mom right now?”

  “Yes, if she’s available.”

  Then back to Karen, “Yeah, right now if your mom has time.”

  Mom took the phone and I could only hear one side of the conversation. But I’ll fill it in now the best I can from what Karen told me she heard on the other end.

  “Hi, I’m Jamie's mother. I understand Karen wants Jamie to come to her un-birthday party next Saturday.”

  “That’s right. I told her it may be a little short notice. They can reschedule if it is.”

  “Oh no, the day is fine. The only thing I’m wondering about is, well, Jamie is a special child.”

  “I presume you’re talking about her transgender status. Karen has told me about it and her grandmother told me as well. I have it on good authority that Jamie is the epitome of a well-behaved young lady. You should be proud of her.”

  “That’s just it. I’m not sure of her status. Jamie is just exploring. It may lead to that, but for now, she’s just experimenting.”

  “I see. Well, based on what my mother had to say about her, she’ll be welcome.”

  “I see no problem so long as everyone is aware of her real nature.”

  “I’m sure they are. All the girls were over here just this morning and I heard them planning the party. Karen was very upfront with them about Jamie and they all think it’s a great thing.”

  “What about their parents? I wouldn’t want any of them to get upset about it.”

  “I know them all. All the girls are on the same soccer team and I see them often. I think I can vouch for their being cool with Jamie being there. They will be chaperoned, after all. Speaking of that, Karen tells me that you live in Hillsboro.”

  “Yes, we do.”

  “That’s a long way to drive. Why don’t you stay for the party and be one of the chaperones?”

  “That would be nice. That way if we’ve misread anyone’s reaction, I can just take her home.”

  “I’m sure that’s not the case. I’ll tell you what. I’ll call each of them and explain about Jamie and if they do have a problem, then they can just keep their daughter home.”

  “Oh, that would be a shame. They are all Karen’s friends. Call them and let me know if that’s the case and I’ll keep Jamie home. We can have Karen out here another time. We went to see Frozen 2 at the theater last week and Jamie lamented that it would have been more fun with Karen along and I implied that maybe we could have her come along next time.”

  “Well, maybe you’re right. The girls are, after all, longtime friends. I don’t want to insult you or Jamie; that’s why I made the offer. But if you think it’s best, I’ll let you know if there’s a problem and then we’ll work out a time when I can bring Karen out to see Jamie.”

  “What time is the party?”

  “I think the party is to start a one. Is that right Karen? Yes, she says one. She tells me she gave Jamie our address. Does she still have it?”

  “Jamie, do you still have Karen’s address?”

  “Yes and her phone number too.”

  “Yes, she does. If I don’t hear from you, we’ll consider it a go and I’ll see you then.”

  “So I can go?” I wanted to know.

  “Yes, providing none of the girls’ parents object. Karen’s mom is going to call each of them and let me know. If even one of them has any reservations, then we’ll have Karen out sometime this month.”

  “Cool!” I just hoped that it would be OK with everyone.

  I went back upstairs to finish the game I’d paused. What with Karen’s party being on my mind, it didn’t take long for the game to beat me. I sat looking at the “Game Over” screen. I didn’t move for a bit, but then I turned to look in the mirror on the back of my door.

  ‘OK Jamie just what’s up with you? Are you going to take over my life, or will you just be a visitor sometimes?’

Chapter 19
Karen’s un-birthday

  I didn’t have an answer. One thing I was sure of was that Grandma was right. I’d quite probably indulge in wearing girl’s clothes for the rest of my life. The question was: could I maintain my boy status and still enjoy the kind of clothes that Grandma bought me? I had to find out. I decided that I’d try going cold turkey… in the morning. No way was I going to change clothes in the middle of the day.

  Four days until Karen’s party, I’d need a gift.

  “Mom, don’t I need a gift for Karen’s party? I got her something on her real birthday, but I’m sure that everyone else will bring a gift and I don’t want them to think I don’t know that you’re supposed to bring a gift to a birthday party, even if it’s an un-birthday party.”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “I don’t know. I got her a jewelry box and Grandma gave her a nice pair of earrings.”

  “Maybe another pair of earrings or maybe a necklace. What kind of earrings did Grandma give her?”

  “They were silver with a dangly part that had a cubic zircon in it.”

  “You mean cubic zirconium. I know the earrings. I remember them because they were the first really nice gift I got your Grandma. She wore them a lot the first year after I got them. Almost every time we had a dress-up event. But then my dad got her some with a real diamond and well, the zirconium couldn’t compete.”

  “Oh… ah … I’m sorry, were they special to you?”

  “Don’t be worried. I was fourteen at the time. I didn’t even know if Grandma still had them. I’m glad she passed them on to someone who just might wear them. I tell you what; I’ve got a necklace with a cubic zirconium stone and a silver chain. It was a gift from a long-forgotten high school boyfriend. It goes with those earrings pretty well. I tried them on together but then decided not to combine them. It was nearing the end of the relationship and if he’d seen me wearing it, he might think we were more permanent than we were.”

  “How did you know it was near the end of the relationship?”

  “I just knew. Other guys were starting to look attractive and I could see him checking out other girls when we were together. We kind of just drifted apart over the summer. I went to cheerleader camp and right after, he was gone on a two-week vacation with his folks. We never really got back together after that. Another boy had asked me out and out boredom I accepted. It wasn’t like we had been officially going steady or anything. After that, well, he wasn’t special at all.

  “But back to the necklace. Do you think you’d like to give it to Karen?”

  “Can I see it?”

  It took her a long time to find it. Mom’s jewelry box was a lot bigger than the one I gave Karen. As a matter-of-fact, she has two. She didn’t remember which one it was in. One was a wooden box that had a bunch of fancy carvings on the outside. Inside, there were two lift-out shelves and the other was white and when you lifted the lid, it played a little song. The front folded down and there were four drawers. Two on the top layer and two more below that. She looked in that one first and then the other one. The necklace was at the bottom.

  She took it out and draped it over her hand to display it. She was right. It would go with the earrings really well. Mom found a long, skinny box. I don’t know what was in it originally, but with some tissue, it looked like it was supposed to be in that box.

  I was glad she had something. If I had had to go out and buy something, I’d have felt obligated to shop as Jamie and I had already decided to go cold turkey until Karen’s party.

  On Saturday, I got up early and took a bubble bath. Mom had some really nice smelling stuff that made really good bubbles. Mom helped me pick out a dress. She told me that she’d called Karen’s mother again to see what the other girls would be wearing and it turned out that it was kind of what she called “eclectic.” So she thought that a nice casual dress would be good; the one she picked was one of my favorites. It was a loose-fitting sundress that had an extra liner in the skirt to keep it from being too see-through. It was nice enough that my dressy sandals looked good with it.

  Mom spent some time on my hair and even did some light makeup. Just a little blush that seemed like it wasn’t there and still made a difference in how I looked and some light pink lip gloss. She called the line on eye makeup. She said that I had dark enough lashes that I didn’t need mascara and eye shadow was just too much for a girl my age.

  Back downstairs, Pam, who’d been in the family room, came out.

  “So this is my sister,” she said. “You know you look really good. No one would ever know you weren’t born a girl.”

  “Ah… thanks, I guess.”

  “Am I going to get to see more of you?”

  “I guess, sometimes. I’ve got to get back into being Jimmy for school, so not too much.”

  “I think I like knowing that my little brother is also my little sister. You know, as Jimmy, you were often a pain. But since I got back from Grandma’s and you’ve kind of been Jamie, you’ve been cool. I like it.”

  We headed out about eleven-thirty because Mom said she wanted to allow extra time since she didn’t know where she was going. But we found Karen’s place easily and we were early. When we parked in front of her house, I was nervous. I was going to have to interact with a bunch of girls I didn’t know and Karen’s mother and who knows what other adults might be there. I mean, Mom had been invited to be a chaperone; couldn’t some of the other girls’ moms be there as well?

  When I got out of the car, Karen’s door flew open and Karen came running out. I was relieved to see she was wearing a dress as well. She ran up and hugged me before I could introduce her to Mom. While we were hugging, a lady about Mom’s age came out and met us.

  “Hello, you must be the Carters. I’m Liz, Karen’s mom,” she said, putting out her hand to Mom. “It’s so nice to meet you. Karen has told me so much about Jamie; I feel like I know her already.”

  “Hi Liz, I’m glad to meet you too. Jamie has done the same with Karen. Jamie, don’t you think you should introduce me to Karen?”

  “Oh yeah, Mom, this is my friend Karen; Karen, this is my mom.”

  Karen smiled and said, “Hello Mrs. Carter. Thank you so much for bringing Jamie to my party.” Then she turned toward her mom. “Mom this is Jamie, the girl I met at Grandma’s.”

  “Nice to meet you at last, Jamie. Well, you’re not the first ones here. Let’s go inside so you can meet Susan.”

  I looked at the house and saw a blonde girl looking out the window. I had managed to calm my nerves up until then. Suddenly, I had a flock of butterflies in my stomach doing aerobatics. Karen took my hand and pulled me behind her into the house.

  “Hey Susan, this is my new friend, Jamie. Jamie, this is Susan. She’s been like my best friend forever.”

  Susan looked as nervous as I felt. I wondered what she had to be nervous about. Later, I found out she was afraid she’d do or say something that would make me feel bad. I was the first transgender person she’d met. (I had asked my mom about what transgender was.)

  “Hi Jamie,” she said, smiling sheepishly.

  “We were just finishing the decorations for the party, Jamie,” Karen told me. “Want to help?”

  “Sure.”

  There wasn’t much to do. Mostly we were tying ribbons on the backs of chairs and setting the buffet table. It turns out that Susan’s mom was there too. I first noticed her sitting at a table with Mom and Karen’s mom when Karen and I went into the kitchen for the chips and dips. I balked at the doorway, but Karen was right behind me and gave me a gentle nudge.

  “That’s Susan’s mom. She’s cool,” she said and guided me to the counter where the chips were.

  I kept my back to them, but I could hear them talking as I opened the chips and put them in bowls.

  “You know, I really commend you for allowing Jamie the option to find herself. When the girls told us that they were having lessons about transgenders, I had to look it up. I did a search online for transgender children. I saw some real horror stories about what can happen if parents don’t allow their gender expression,” Susan’s mom told my mom.

  “We try not to talk about it a lot unless Jamie brings it up. We think it best to just react in accordance with the clothes she has on,” Mom told her.

  Karen’s mom caught on to what my mom was trying to get across.

  “It’s all about acceptance. By not making a fuss, it just becomes a non-issue.”

  I think it was then that Susan’s mom figured out that talking about it in front of me was a faux pas. Susan told me later that Liz was looking right at me when she talked about not making a fuss.

  Other guests started arriving and it seemed that every mother had to come in for a few minutes and that they all looked me over. I guess it was easy to tell I was the transgender girl because I was the only new face in the group. I must have passed scrutiny because they all left, except for Liz’s friend Chelsie and Susan’s mom.

  The party was fun, but aside from the cake with “Happy Un-Birthday” on it and a lot of talking in groups, there wasn’t much to it. We settled into watching a movie while we snacked on chips. They murdered the Happy Birthday song and we all laughed as she cut the cake and served us. Her mother was there to put a scoop of ice cream on the plate.

  The party broke up at about four-thirty. As we were leaving, Liz and Karen followed us out to the car.

  “I hope you had a good time, Jamie,” Liz said.

  “Oh yes, ma’am.”

  “I know that Karen would have been disappointed if you couldn’t make it. Your mother and I will have to get together to see what we can do to give you and Karen some time together.”

  “I’d like that,” Karen put in.

Epilogue
School Shopping

  I only had about two weeks to get back into Jimmy mode. I found it difficult. I ended up wearing panties under my jeans and sometimes a cami under my tee-shirt. The weekend before Labor Day, I voiced my concern to Mom.

  “Mom, I think I spent too much time as Jamie this summer. I feel weird when I go skin out in Jimmy’s clothes. I have to wear panties underneath. If I do that at school, I’m afraid that someone will notice when I bend over. You know you can sometimes see people’s underwear when they do that.”

  “That could be a problem. There are only two solutions. Well, three, but I don’t think you want to go to school as Jamie.”

  “Oh Gaw… oh no mom, no. What are the other solutions?”

  “One is to wear your jockey shorts, but I assume you’ve already discarded that idea.”

  “That’s the one that just doesn’t feel right.”

  “Luckily, middle school doesn’t dress down for gym, so the other one is to change the style of panties.”

  “What good would that do?”

  “You could go with some hip hugger or bikini panties. The waistband is two or three inches lower and it would reduce the risk of your underwear being seen. If push came to shove, you could wear the hip huggers under your jockey shorts so it would feel right and if someone did see, they would see the jockeys. If you don’t want to do that we could get you some girl’s high-waist jeans. A girl’s natural waist is two or three inches higher than a boy’s waist. So high-waisted jeans, combined with hip-hugger panties would give you a good six inches. That should be enough to solve the problem.”

  “Let’s do that last one. Both the jeans and the hip huggers. But won’t the jeans being high-waisted be noticeable?”

  “I don’t think so. Your shirts usually hang down well below your waist, so only in extreme measures would it even be seen.”

  “OK, we can try it.”

  “We’d better do it today. Sunday I’m busy and we don’t want to chance waiting until the holiday weekend, just in case we run into a snag.”

  Off to Washington Square. Mom insisted that I wear some of the clothes that Grandma bought me. I would have to try on clothes. So, we had picked out something that could go both ways and my casual sandals. She had my hair in a high ponytail held with a plain black hair tie.

  It turned out that girl’s high-waisted, plain jeans were hard to find. Most of the stores we looked at either had them with fancy stitching, fancy button arrangement, or they were “distressed,” as in it looked like they were worn out already. We ended up at the Target near Washington Square. The ones that fit the bill best were Levi’s Mini Mom jeans. We bought five pairs. I tried on some skinny-leg stretch jeans. I really liked them, but they didn’t look like anything that a boy would wear.

  We also found a good selection of tee-shirts. Some plain and some Monsters at Work, Star Wars and Matrix. In all, I got eight tees. At Mom’s suggestion, I found a pair of black tennis shoes and some plain cotton anklets that would look like boy’s socks.

  I can’t say yet that I’m transgender, but I do know that since that summer at Grandma’s where I met Karen, I really enjoy my girl time. Eventually, sometime during middle school, I did get to where I could dress in my old clothes, including jockey shorts and be OK with it, but I still preferred girl’s clothes. That was good because in high school, we did dress down for gym and I needed to be a boy from the skin out. Though I still wore some of the women’s tees and jeans when it wasn’t a gym day.

  Oh and Karen and I remained friends, but that kind of waned in high school. We kept in touch until I went off to college.

  In the end, I decided that cross-dressing was going to be an unusual hobby for me and I left it at that. It’s tough to have a hobby that you can’t tell anyone about. I did hear about an LGBT group at college, but I never got the nerve to make contact with them. Hooking up with them seemed to cross a line that I wasn’t sure I wanted to cross. And well, becoming a member would have meant admitting to someone else that I liked to cross-dress.

  I’m not sure just how this will work out for the rest of my life. Will I continue, or will I grow out of it as the pressures of the real world come along and I need to earn a living and perhaps find a wife and raise a family?

  Wish me luck