CHAPTER 21
We washed up our empty mugs, and then Kul grinned at me.

“Sod it. Refill to take with us? I can do them both. People will gossip if we come back together”

“People already gossip in this place, especially Betty!”

“Yeah, mate, but I like to steer it a bit if I can. Let her make up her own shit, and well never hear the end of it. Given where you get off to, it would all be ovine”

“All be what?”

“Ovine. To do with sheep”

“Fancy some grousing, then?”

“Eh?”

“Can’t afford Wales every weekend. The lad fancy getting shouted at by some red grouse at Stanage? Plenty of easy stuff there”

“I’ll have a word. Mike. Tea, or another coffee?”

“Ah, tea this time, please”

By the time he reappeared, I was already deep into a business plan review, and my mind had slid away from Wales and its issues.

At the weekend, Dal drove us all out to the Edge, where we pottered around at the Popular End, and I led them up the usual beginners’ routes, such as Grotto Slab, Flying Buttress, Black Hawk Traverse and Hollybush Crack, which had Kul wimping a little, especially on the final moves. Afterwards, the three of us made our way back round to the base of the cliff and our flasks, as the wind was particularly raw that afternoon. Hot tea, and some samosas from Kul’s wife Sangeeta, as well as our fleeces, did some good. It became a bit of a habit. Not long after that drive over to Stanage, Kul set out his stall, starting with a comment about Hollybush.

“Mike?”

“Yeah, mate?”

“That lean-back thing?”

“Layback”

“Whatever. How do you do that without a rope to catch you? A rope from above, I mean”

“Confidence, I suppose. And practice”

“Yeah. Sort of my point, really. That stuff we did in Wales, that’s all sloping stuff. This is different, all straight up and down”

“And?”

“And the lad’s asked for some proper shoes for it. Boots. Whatever. You got any tips?”

I stared at him, and in the end, he just grinned and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah. Two pairs. You have us hooked, Mike. I’m just a bit jealous of the lad now. That right, Dal?”

“Yeah. Dad says it’s not fair, cause he has to start from scratch when he’s really old”

Kul sat up straighter.

“That is not what I said! I said that you had an advantage because you are starting younger!”

“Same thing”

“No it bloody isn’t!”

They were still sparring on the drive back that day, but we arranged a post-work visit to the local climbing shop for the middle of the following week, and of course we were back on the rock the next weekend for a test drive of their new footwear. We stayed at the Popular End, and after a rerun of Flying Buttress, at Dal’s request, which became a habit, I had started them on the easier ’classics’.

That warmed my heart, in so many ways, and showed me that Dal at least was in it for the right reasons. Too many people, usually male, come into the sport as a way of willy-waving. They are there only to show others how hard they can climb, not that they enjoy it for the move, the situation, but…

The first time that thought crossed my mind, as I watched Dal laughing with his father as we walked back down from another run up Flying Buttress, I had to take a pause, looking back over the moor. The simile had come from Caro, when she had spoken about the difference between birdwatchers and twitchers, about Men with Big Lists in contrast with those who simply loved nature and its creatures.

Sod, it, Rhodes. Focus on the grouse shouting ‘GO BACK!’ and find a smile for a couple of friends. Time for them to practise an easy lead. If this was going to be a regular thing, they needed to gain the skills to do it on their own.

I think I had my face under control when I caught up with them, and did the old game of soloing roped up a climb so that each could follow and place gear, and of course I stiffed them by taking each one up a different one of the neighbouring routes Anatomy and Physiology. No cribbing allowed.

I had a bit too much to drink that evening.

Four weeks later, we were back yet again, and this time Dal led Black Hawk Traverse, with its long stride secured by horizontal hand jams. He did well, especially in setting up a big hex nut so that it ‘cammed’, but I still soloed up the Chimney to check his belay on the stance. As I looked down to the car park, I saw a small van pull in. Nothing unusual, but then two people emerged from it, and the usual Stanage wind caught the long hair of the taller person, and shit.

“Dal?”

“Yes?”

“Putting the rope like that is risky. If one of those nuts comes out, you’ll still have the same length of rope in play, and you’ll lurch a long way forward if your Dad comes off. Know how to tie a clove hitch?”

“No”

“What are they teaching in the Cubs these days”

“Bit too old for the Cubs, me”

“Never mind! Now, this is how you tie a clove hitch. Two loops and…”

“Right!”

“You could always tie each anchor separately into your harness, but this allows adjustment. Enough practice, and you can tie it one-handed. Now, there’s a related knot, the Italian Hitch, but not for today. Sorted? Time to shout at your Dad!”

He grinned happily.

“Yeah, I get to tell him what to do, don’t I?”

“Yup. Don’t put the rope through the Sticht before you’ve got it all up. Takes ages, otherwise”

By the time I had talked him through the right way to bring his Dad up, and we were once more standing on top of the Edge, the two figures were at the foot of Grotto Slab. I walked a little way back from the actual edge of the rock, and held a finger to my lips. The two lads looked puzzled.

“Kul, remember what I told you about that ginger fiddler?”

His eyes widened, and his head jerked round to look over towards Lose and Win Hills.

“You’re not joking, are you? Where are they?”

“From what I saw, laying out their gear twenty yards away from ours”

“Bloody hell! And, well, bugger”

He looked hard at his son, mouth a little twisted.

“Dal, Mike here shared something with me a little while ago. Didn’t know if I should share it with you, but it’s a bit late now”

“You’re talking about that alkie in Wales, aren’t you? From that first trip we did?”

“I am, son. Been a few changes in their life, Mike tells me”

“And he’s sat next to our bags?”

“Um. Not quite. She’s sat next to our bags”

“Fuck! Er, sorry, but Dad: you--- it’s not a joke, is it?”

Kul looked to me for help, and I shook my head.

“Don’t know if they’ll remember me, but I think I should do the first bit of talking. Time for a cuppa, and to get stuff out of the way”

Kul muttered something, and as agreed I led us down and round.

Steph’n’Geoff were uncoiling twin ropes when we arrived, and as I approached their spot, Geoff spotted me, his face breaking into a broad smile.

“Hiya! Mike, isn’t it? Keith’s mate?”

He nudged his wife, and as she looked up, her own smile outdid his. I waved at my two companions.

“That’s me! Steph and Geoff Woodruff, this is my colleague Kul, and his boy Dal. Boy’s just done his first lead”

Steph immediately set her focus on Dal.

“Which route, Dal?”

He was suddenly nervous.

“Er, Black Hawk Traverse”

“Ooh! Nice route. Did you get any gear in the horizontal crack?”

“Mike showed me how to get a hexagonal thing to cam”

“Nicely done. I’ve brought some of these; they’re called Friends”

She held up her rack of gear, and suddenly Dal was locked onto the Shiny, minor things like a sex change fading into the background.

Kul whispered a soft “I see what you meant” to me before speaking up.

“Son, before you get a touch of the all-consuming avarice, ask the important question: how much are they?”

Geoff ducked his head.

“So I got a work bonus. I’m allowed to buy my wife a present”

Steph’s turn to stare.

“I think the custom and practice when buying presents for your beloved is to get them something that is entirely for them, and not, in reality, for yourself!”

That started some serious teasing between them, so I simply said we were about to pour some tea, that our bags were just over there, and so forth, and once the three of us had slipped past, Kul whispered again.

“That’s so sodding different. So bloody natural!”

I kept my reply to a sharp nod, and as we pulled out our flasks and snacks, Dal just whispered “She’s real, isn’t she? I mean, living colour, whatever? What must… Talk later, okay? Just getting my viewpoint settled”

A couple of deep breaths, than a question.

“Why do they have two ropes, Mike?”

“For double roping and twin-roping, Dal”

I took a few minutes explaining the difference, as the two newcomers quickly soloed Grotto Slab in what seemed like seconds and on their return started to gear up to its left. Abruptly, Dal stood.

“Going to ask. Need to break some more ice”

Kul and I left him to chat with them as we finished our mugs, then joined him as Steph finished tying on, Geoff now on a very solid ground belay.

“Dad, Steph here says she’ll show me a variation on that route I did. They’re going to go up this bit here, Heather Wall they say it’s called, and I can have a go after”

I looked at the Woodruffs.

“A VS, you two? He’s only done up to V Doff so far”

Steph nodded.

“And I can always lower him off if he can’t make the top moves, but we’d need to borrow your rope so that Hubby here can tow it up. I hate trying to throw ropes down off here, and that wind doesn’t help. I keep meaning to bring ski goggles for my eyes!”

Kul just nodded, collecting our line, and then Steph was off. There was that same economy and ease of movement I had seen even when she was living as a pisshead man. As she moved left and then back right, I explained to my two companions how the twin ropes worked to prevent a pendulum swing if she came off, while man and wife (it was getting easier to say that) rattled off a series of bad jokes until Steph was at the top of the wall. Her next words brought a soft hiss of breath from Kul.

“Watch me here, love. Awkward moves; need to get them in sequence and pull through before your arms get pumped”

“Aye aye, love!”

That bit of the route is pure thuggery, being one of my favourites, but rather than muscling through, she seemed to flow before disappearing from sight. Her voice came down, faintly, first “Safe!” and a minute later, “On belay”

Geoff started taking the ropes out of his belay device, asking one of us to tie a figure-of-eight on the end of my rope. He clipped it to the rear of his harness, then bellowed upwards.

“TAKE IN!”

Once the rope was taught, there were the usual calls before he started up the slab, collecting runners as he went, until he was under the right edge of the huge roof.

“Give a few seconds to get my head right, love!”

“Aye aye!”

I could actually see his back move as he hyperventilated, clearly psyching himself up, and I understood how far he was past his comfort zone, and then he was moving. It wasn’t as smooth, certainly not as flowing, but with a final series of obscenities, he was over the lip. Kul looked at his boy.

“Sure you want to try this?”

“Yes, Dad. Got to, yeah? And, well, she really is what she says she is, isn’t she? Especially the way they keep saying that word”

“Aye, son. I think you have that right. Makes a change, you being right”

“You’re a sod, Dad!”

Steph’s voice came down again.

“Dal! On belay!”

I checked he was tied on properly before shouting “Take in, Steph!”, and the rope started to vanish upwards. As it finished, and Dal staggered forward slightly, he made his own call of “That’s me”, followed a few seconds later by her “Climb when ready!”

He actually made simple work of the slab, which delighted me, and then he was at the roof, and having a conversation with Geoff, whose head I could see over the lip. The man was clearly talking the boy through the crux sequence, and then the lad made his move, jerky, flailing, with what I suspected was more than a little assistance from a tight rope, but he made it.

I stared at his father, and he shrugged.

“Going to have to try now, aren’t I?”

I nodded, just as Geoff’s head reappeared with a call of “Who’s next?”

Kul failed on the crux in the end, being lowered eventually to the ground muttering about never living it down, before the other three came back round to our spot.

More tea, and a sharing of the snacks we had left, followed by Steph and I doing some much harder routes as Geoff looked after the boys, and that ice Dal had mentioned not just broken but melted entirely away.