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It's an on-going struggle to re-build my life after transition (and divorce). Each time an important person from my past - whether it be a sports coach or classmates or co-workers/bosses that I can no longer consider references or refuse to acknowledge me, it hurts.
I know we all struggle with this and I'm luckier than many but it doesn't lesson the pain. Now again, I am faced with being "outted" as transsexual again because the "social history" portion of my son's evaluation for learning disabilities requires information about his parents and in the minds of the psychological field, it is not enough to list me as a parent but they insist on disclosing my sex change. I am so tired of this - this meeting and report is supposed to be about my son, not me.
I will survive and I will be happy no matter how hard I have to try. If I say it enough, it become true, right?
I know most of you don't know me well or at all but today, I am blatantly begging for a hug and some confirmation that it is possible to rebuild a life and real life friends? If I had a fair number of friends and a life before, we can do it again, right? It's possible to start over and succeed (at any age), right?
Sometimes, I feel like I am trapped in a vacuum and my cries for help, my messages to my friends, never get out and each time a friend "ignores" a message because they are too busy... It is painful even if I know why. Isolation and disconnect - the bane of my existence today. I hate being needy and insecure so I must also apologise.
An illustration of my emotional state today....
A.
Comments
Hugs Sent
I have just sent an unlimited supply of hugs to be used as needed.
Portia
All my best
You have friends here, and I hope things go well for you. Keep your spirits up, and keep trying. We're all here in your corner for you, at least. Really, best of luck for you and your son.
Love,
Titania
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
All the hugs you want
I wish I could tell you it will all work out but I'm just a bit behind where you seem to be. Your post really struck home with me because the topic has been on my mind a lot lately. I can only believe that it is possible. I'm starting to believe that the further I am geographically from my old life the easier it will be to have that new life. It's hard enough having to deal with this without having to deal with everyone from your old life's issues with it at the same time.
My guess is that we'll both make it and have an acceptable new life. It hasn't been easy getting as far as we have but we've made it this far and the same strength that it took to accomplish that will get us to a better place.
I do offer you all the virtual hugs you can use and wish they could be real. If you ever need someone to vent to feel free.
And finally a thought for you: "Sometimes I show my ass because I've pulled my big girl panties up so many times that the elastic finally broke"
Thank you all. I am doing
Thank you all.
I am doing some cathartic crying.
Feychick - I loved the last comment. I am now officially laughing and crying at the same time.
I also am thinking that moving geographically further away will help if I can manage to get a job, housing, etc. I will definitely take you up on the virtual hug. Although the calendar date shows a few years since I transitioned, there is much I have not yet attempted because I am terrified. I'm gonna see if I can find some of that courage you referred and move toward that better place, you mentioned.
A.
Hugs
I can relate to what you are going through. My son also had learning disabilities and I had to out myself over and over again. Every time it got to me I had to pause and remind myself that I would do anything for my son. I always walked in as if it were not a big deal and maintained the demeanor of who I was... a caring parent. Please get used to the phrase "You are not what I was expecting when I read your son's history." Also be prepared to steer them back toward your son as some will want to make it about you instead of him.
It is possible to rebuild your life with real friends. If I learned anything from transition it was who my real friends are. I have lost friends but the ones that remained are closer than ever. I have also made new friends, some of which know and don't care and others who, to my knowledge, have no idea.
It is easy to feel isolated as I fight with those feelings often. For those who have not experienced transition it is difficult, if not nearly impossible, for them to relate. I have found when I'm struggling with those feelings, only one who has been through it can offer any real comfort.
If you ever need to talk of vent or whatever please feel free to message me. :)
BIG HUGE UNDERSTANDING HUGS
Stef
And they will blame you.
Yes, and my family blame me for any bad thing that happens to them. If I thought anyone would listen, I would write a little pamphlet about things you need to do to prepare ...
G
sending you some huggles.
I am sorry things are so hard for you, hon. sending Hugs, prayers, and good thoughts your way
If they ignore you they were never your friends.
You can be sure that those who ignore you or dropped you as a friend upon learning of your transition, were never your friends to begin with. There are a huge number of people who simply intereact in parallel lives simply communicating at a very basic and sterile level. True friends are extremely rare in everybody's lives and it invariably requires great adversity or devastation to find out who they are.
A friend in need is a friend indeed. Never was there a truer saying.
Bev.
Hugs
Tanya
There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothes!
Hugs
All the hugs that you need :)
Peace, Love, Freedom, Happiness
Hugs tmf
Needs
You needs to follow your heart, if they can't accept who you are that is their problem You sound like you are on the right track
BIG HUGS GIRL :-) RICHIE
Please accept some Snuggles,
to complement the Huggles you've already received. I find that the resulting whole is greater than the sum of it's parts.
Such a combo should have you feeling less like that cat illustrated, and more like...
...that. ^_^
*Lots of Snuggles* <3
One more huggle
Sent your way. Please treat it gently.
You didn't mention the part of the world you're in. I am part of a network that supports our fellow travelers, almost every community has something.
I'm in the Dallas / Ft. Worth area, if this is of any help PM me, or look around in your neighborhood for others like us. Networking is important.
I hope you can believe me on this, but it really does get better. It just takes time.
I too, send a hug
And a pat, because sad kittens are infectious, and it's much nicer if kittens are happy.
Also: nobody should be afraid to reach out for a hug...
Xx
Amy
It never seems to stop does it?
Hi, sending you the biggest hug I can funnel through the fiber and on down the line. Lost 2 jobs totaling 35 years, marriage, son, brothers, etc. when I transitioned. I dug in and became sort of an activist, trying to help US. My NJ TV channel 12 commercial is credited with getting the NJ transgender rights bill passed. And did I take a load of crap over that! BUT, in spite of everything, I got over the bumps and through the mine field, got a job at FEDEX loading trucks , found an understanding partner and moved on with my life. Oh, and don't even get me started on my last class reunion. Yes, people still find a 6'4" blonde girl fascinating, maybe it's the pigtails. Let them eat cake, get on with your life on your terms. Hugs again, Carol Anne
Carol Anne
Huggles
The missbehaving fearie followes you where ever you go. My cuttly inner nature needs to hold your wounded spirit and offer sistership and love.
Beings I was lucky to have a Wolfe spirit guide my natural sweet but wild nature helped me weather many of the early wkrp that people through my way.
That and a couple of classes in conversational Klingon did git people out of my face.
Love
Misha Nova
With those with open eyes the world reads like a book
Huggles,
Huggles with Pixie Dust.
I suppose the "social history" may be relevant in some cases, but I am sure it is annoying, don't let it get you down.
*sends another Huggle*
~Hypatia >i< ..:::