Author:
Taxonomy upgrade extras:
I have been fighting to not post this. I did not want to introduce myself this way, but I feel that I have to. I have read so many great stories here over the last couple of weeks. Even those painful stories of abuse that I have read have been beautiful tails. They are emotional and I weep with the characters, but I am grateful for the experience.
But there is a story theme that I am having such a problem with. I can't get the words out of my head. I am not just reading a sad story that I know will end. I am taking the words into my own heart and it hurts. It hurts so much. Abuse is painful, but at least it is honest. However, there are stories I have read here that involve the manipulation and betrayal of children that are just killing me. Children tricked into transitioning when they do not want it. Even though they eventually become what they did in fact need to be, they are emotionally tortured to get there. Children lied to and manipulated away from a painful truth until they find the answer on their own and the pain is so much worse.
Two stories that exemplify what I am having trouble with are "Educated in the Hills" and "The Screw Up" if you know them. Even two things that the doctor did in the story "Adopted Little Orphan Danny" was so very wrong, and that is such a cute story. All three are incredible tails and I enjoyed them as stories, but what the adults are willing to put children through in the name of their ultimate happiness makes me ill. So much pain could have been avoided if only stopped assuming they know what the child is feeling and ask them. If something has to happen, you can still explain it to a child in an age appropriate way and give them some dignity and control by letting them choose how they react to it.
I do know why this hits me so hard. I have a physical disability called Cerebral Palsy. I spent a good portion of my childhood with my different doctors and other health care professionals. Some doctors believe that the easiest way to get children through medical procedures is to not tell them anything and do what needs to be done quickly. After all they are just stupid kids. They won't realize whats happening until it's over. WRONG!!!! Obviously. Kids don't know any more about what's happening besides what I gave them. They won't see anything amiss. WRONG!!!! Obviously. I've had doctors who thought like this. They tried to hide things from me to protect me. They tried to do a procedure quick and easy by tricking me so it's over before i could respond. I always figured it out, and I was always scared out of my mind and made things so much harder on everyone when this was tried. Maybe I was just a lot more observant then other kids my age. I don't know. I never remember this trauma happening when a doctor was honest and up front with me. Did it take more time and effort to check in with me on how I was feeling, what I knew, and what my fears were? Yes it did, but the point is I don't remember those times. I remember every last detail of every time I was lied to and manipulated. The betrayal of trust by some of them still make me shudder when I remember them twenty years latter.
The point is, this point can be avoided so easily, basic communication. Make sure everyone knows what is happening, and everyone has been asked to voice expectations, assumptions, and fears. This is much easier on everyone then figuring everything out along the way. None of the stories I listed would have lost any of their punch as stories if the adults had approached their children with a straight answer up front.
Ok, I'm finished. Quite an introduction huh? I hope that I do not discourage anyone from writing by this post. That was not my intention. I simply needed to explain this to someone who might have a hope of understanding. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this all the way through.
Comments
You are one of many of us who are bothered by Forced Femininity
stories.
You need to look at the categories listed for stories to weed most of them out. And hope thatstories of thattype are properly listed by the authors
The site is open to stories which include that and other categories which are objectionable to diferent people.
I'm sorry you have run across stories that bother you, but Erin tries to keep the site open to most stories, though there are categories on other sites that are not posted here. but sometimes it is only because the authors have been told in Private messages that their stories are not appreciated, by enough readers that they take the hint.
Holly
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
Holly
Gwendolyn, thank you,
Thank you,
Very well stated.
I grew up with many of the same Doctors and so-called Medical Professionals.
At my birth, I was saved by the RN, on duty. Many, many years later, she broke
down and told me, I was to pretty a baby, to not be allowed, to live.
A little over 4 years later, the Same Doctor, did manage in a way, to snuff out
my life, when he, at my Daddy's request, cut out my uterus and closed my Vagina.
All the while, telling my Parents, HE will never remember.
Duh!
I am not going to do the life story thingie.
Holly, so good to hear that you are now doing better.
Brightest of Blessings.
Olivea in SUGARTown
Thank you for your wishes
Thank you for your wishes Olivea, and thank you so much for sharing what you did. So many people seem to either try to pretend my life didn't happen, or they expect every last detail the second I meet them. I would never ask anyone to do that if they did not want to, no matter the reason. Now, I usually just try to teach people how to communicate honestly when I can.
big comforting hugs
I completely understand where you're coming from. There have been stories I have avoided or been unable to finish because I simply identified with the main character too much. But sometimes, a story like that allows me to work through some of what happened to me in a safe way, by seeing a person like me overcome such events it gives me some hope that I can do the same. Big, comforting hugs from Dorothy.
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
Thank you for the
Thank you for the understanding Dorothy. You are right. Sometimes reading those stories that bother us can help. I think what sparked me to post this was getting myself into a feedback loop over the last couple of days about a story. The writing was simply so good that it triggered my own emotions on the subject when I started empathizing with the main character. The support helps, and I think I have started to step back a little and look at these stories from me now, rather then me the eight year old sitting in the stories. I think I'll always be squicked by this stuff, but hopefully the freak out won't happen again.
That it hits you so hard...
Is, in my opinion, a real testament to the abilities of an author. Does it hurt? Yeah. But I must be a masochist, because I like the pain - it has a cleansing effect on my very soul.
The external manipulation stories don't hurt me really, but then, that wasn't my experience, my experience was self-denial. An internal manipulation, you could say. And stories who feature characters who hurt themselves in such a way hits me very very close to home.
What's curious is that I'm writing a story which features a main character who is in almost as deep a denial as I was, and who is now being manipulated by external forces towards accepting themselves - or else. This is a position I probably would have eventually found myself in, though perhaps not in exactly the same way, had I, back on October 8th, chosen to continue to deny myself.
Does the story hurt to write now? Yes. Is it going to be worth doing? Oh definitely yes. Do I suspect that a lot of people are going to have a hard time reading such a story... Unfortunately, yes. I do think that those who would have a hard time are the very ones who would benefit from it the most, though. Like me.
And that's really why I share what I write - if it helps me, I can only imagine it'll help others.
And I imagine that for some, forced fem acts as a soul-cleansing as much as an escape from responsibility. Perhaps, for some, even more so. I personally find pure forced fem distasteful (but not painful...), but I will not try to discourage anyone who likes such from reading to their hearts content.
Abigail Drew.
Abigail Drew.
That it hits you so hard is,
I have no doubt of that being an absolute fact. And I can not deny that the stories I have read that effect me this way have at the very least forced me to attempt to process something that I have suppressed for a long time. Even if the timing kinda sorta sucks, but I guess you don't usually get the chance to pick the ideal time for an emotional crisis. It was likely coming at some point.
And like you Abigail, this has forced me to begin writing again. I have two trans stories in progress now. One is planned as a small serial of 4 or 5 chapters, and the other is a relatively short one-off. We'll see how that goes when I post the first few chapters in a couple of days.
Once again, BCTS has proven me right that registering here was a great decision. Even among the transgender communities, the people who have put down roots here are true jewels.
Stories that traumatise us.
There are stories whose authors I thought were extremely skillful, but then the subject matter veered into oncoming traffic for me. I had to stop reading them, though I am not going to mention the authors or the title of the stories.
I finally did determine that when the pain got to be too much, I needed to protect my own sense of well being and stop reading the story. Traumatisation comes in many forms, and self preservation is why I did not constanty watch the news of the Japanese earthquakes. I had learned my lesson because in the 9/11 attack, I watched those buildings come crashing down for weeks, and listened to the negative news about it all until I could not take it any more.
So, when things hurt you, don't do them. I am sorry, I wish there were a better answer, but it is the only one I have.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
Ninety-nine percent of the
Ninety-nine percent of the time, I would wholeheartedly agree with you. To me, this is completely sound advice. I've known this is a trigger for years. I do my best to avoid the content, but it is such a random thing to freak out on. Authors don't usually put the fact that mom and the doctor sneak into the hall to talk, or that a counselor creates a bad misunderstanding by withholding information in the teaser. Story codes don't usually catch it either. I'll remember to try and be a little more careful around here sine I'm a bit more likely to to come across it. At least this has given me a little more insight into why I prefer female doctors. I always figured it was just general trans embarrassment of being that exposed to a man.
I knew I'd be mentioned.
When I saw the blog title I knew somewhere I would be mentioned. I have a knack for writing that kind of story but was surprised at which one of my tales were mentioned. Naturally when someone says hard read and I get mentioned I would pick God Bless the Child to be mentioned on the top of the list. The thing is, it doesn't really upset me to be put in this category, heck sometimes I got to put my own writing down.
I actually know about the scene in which Gwen is talking about and, to be honest, I was surprised I didn't get more comments in the story about it. In fact all the comments were supportive at the end of the story. But I would like to defend myself a little bit. I had to find a way to discover the character was intersexed and without parental confirmation one way or another I needed some avenue to go down. Now i am not a medical professional, I don't even play one on tv. I do know I had some misgivings because basically the doctor causes a 8year old to orgasm while doing an exploratory exam. I wasn't very comfortable writing it, less so in posting it, and actually waited for a backlash that never came. The truth is, I got lazy with how to discover the intersex thing, where i was when i wrote the story i didn't have access to the internet or research, so i just winged it. I hope i can be forgiven.
K.T. Leone
My fiction feels more real than reality
Katie Leone (Katie-Leone.com)
Writing is what you do when you put pen to paper, being an author is what you do when you bring words to life
You're not alone
One of the most respected authors at this site have called all of us 'wounded doves.' We all have our buttons and sensitive spots that can cause us pain. That's why there are some excellent stories by very good writers that I can't read. It is simply too close for anything close to comfort. Abuse stories, even though there might be a happy ending is one of those I stay away from. It just hurts too much before I can even get to that better place.
Be well, think happy thoughts and work for a better tomorrow. :)
hugs
Grover
Just wanted the say tha
Just wanted the say tha same. Me, I get freaked/stress out by 2 things that come around now and then in the stories here. One bad in general (every well thinking person would freak out) , and one more personal (just something I have trouble handling/bagage)...
I understand where you come from
As for me, there have also been many stories, in which I steer clear from. Simply because everyone else love the story, doesn't mean certain individuals like it. I have not read any stories on bigcloset that I categorize as 'to be avoided'. However, I have read some stories on another site, one of which is named 'Swarm Cycle' series, the first of which really sticks it after 5 minutes of reading. I suppose if one were to read until the end, it may be a good story. But one particular dialogue, where an underpriviledged man with supposedly high aptitude demeaned women who'd be popular back in the old world simply because he considered himself above them before throwing the manipulated girls from his harem really annoyed me. I stopped reading from that point on.
Unfortunately, sometimes one would arrive at the point where they've tried their best to be very discriminating to the story codes but still find these distasteful stories. The only thing one can do then is just to stop reading and not letting it bother them as much, instead of dwelling on it. Despite this, I still can't bring myself to read another 'Swarm Cycle' story on storiesonline.
That said, sometimes, painful scenes are unavoidable. We don't stop watching when Peter Parker's Uncle Ben died, and we don't stop watching when Klaatu's nanobots destroyed the world. It is conflict that spices up the story. Exactly how the story uses conflict, depends on the writer of course, but it must be said that limiting the option of conflict, however graphic or distasteful, is going to limit what kind of story written and reduces the variety of reading materials in circulation.
If the truth relies on our own sensitivity and sense of morality, then this world would be a very deceptive and hypocritical world. We don't like stories of slave trade, but if there is no such stories written by journalists, there will be a lot of slave trading happening in the background, simply because our sensibilities will make us want to ignore such distasteful things. We definitely can't depend on the government, since their only aims are winning elections and waging wars. Covering up a slave trading or drug trafficking ring, for a small donation in their campaign funds or retirement funds would be something they'd pretty likely going to do.
Regardless, despite my support for a free and censor-less work, I implore those writers wishing to write sensitive contents to provide a warning label on their work, such as 'This story contains child abuse'. Yes, this will probably make the writer lose some potential readers, but the writers owe it to their readers to be more responsible for what they wrote.
Anyway, my work may be annoying to some, but I didn't think it was that bad, so I didn't put any label there saying, 'This story is boring'. Forgive me though if it is really boring :P
Eris