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But, then, I guess it's not supposed to be, is it?
I just thought I'd drop in and let people know I'm still alive and trying to get back into writing. I guess I had a bit of a burn out, melt down, whatever. I was trying to write a comment on Eve Sunday and ended up spending an hour bawling my eyes out and never finished it. I know, pathetic, right? Anyway, after a while of feeling extremely down on myself I wrote Not For Me to try and get some of it out of my system, with some success. Thanks to those who commented and voted on that one, but you guys gave me far too much credit! That story was basically me just whining about how worthless I am! ;)
I was feeling much better on Monday and even got a little more writing done, but then we had an incident at work where a customer physically attacked my boss. There were no significant injuries, but it scared the *#&#@ out of me! So, of course, being the wimp that I am, I went right back to where I was Sunday, if not worse. So I haven't been able to concentrate on writing at all, or much of anything else. But, the fact I'm writing this and I'm not even crying is a good sign that I'm getting back to what passes for normal!
I don't usually get much time to write on Fridays, and it's too late tonight, so don't expect anything from me until Saturday. But, barring any more setbacks, I expect I'll be able to get something up then. Maybe I'll even be able to get back to my daily schedule on VC? I'd like to, but I'm going to try and not stress over it too much right now. I'll be happy just to get something written that isn't all doom and gloom!
So, that's where I'm at. Sorry about falling apart like that. I haven't felt up to commenting on any of the stories I've read lately, which I feel guilty about because there has been plenty of great stuff to comment on, but I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things there, too. Not that I was ever a really heavy commentator, except to reply to comments on my own stories, but I haven't even been doing that lately.
Saless
P.S. Ray asked about a Seal Point kitty girl, in reference to my Kittyhawk avatar. So this is for you Ray! :)
Comments
The saddest thing in all of this
...is that you felt compelled to apologize for being sad and scared and tired. You have nothing to be sorry for. Feeling overwhelmed after watching someone get physically assaulted, feeling stressed over being unable to concentrate; reacting emotionally to all that you're dealing with and then feeling down on yourself. I hope and pray that your keyboard gets up and walks away (Didn't our mothers always tell us that couldn't happen) so that you have to spend a couple of days taking care of yourself. If that doesn't occur, at least look at yourself in the mirror and be as glad as the rest of us that you are who you are, yes? All my respect and love.
She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea
Love, Andrea Lena
It's a bit like...
...Drea says...
Really give it a rest and write whatever you feel...for yourself! If it made you feel better once, perhaps writing from your heart...whatever it feels...is your tonic. We'll read anything you write anyway. :)
The Lil' Irish Brat
I never really understood
I never really understood the writing as therapy idea until I wrote Fade. Now, between it and Not For Me, it's making a whole lot more sense! Thanks Kelly! :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Well, I didn't actually see it...
...but I heard it, and that was scary enough! I don't do well with people being loudly angry even when there's no violence involved, so I was ready to find a nice dark corner to hide in! I guess that comes with the territory when you've got a father with a really short fuse. He always took his anger out on inanimate objects, but it could still be plenty scary. To me, at least.
Thanks Andrea! I'll try to take it easy.
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Get well dearie!
You need it so much!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Thanks Faraway, I'll do my
Thanks Faraway, I'll do my best! ;)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Don't feel guilty!
I know it's an old message, but it's one us 'mere' readers do try and impress upon 'you' writers.
Your writing is done entirely voluntarily.
You are under no compulsion to write - let alone produce a fully-fledged chapter/episode every day/week/month.
If Real Life (or even the dreaded Writer's Block) interrupts your writing, we'll understand.
We are prepared to wait however long it takes for your muse to return.
And if you've ever been over to Crystal Hall, you'll quickly discover writers that have had a splurge of writing then had a break of several years - and even one writer who started a story, posted a teaser, then disappeared off into the Navy. At least you're still around! ;)
--Ben
As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!
Yep, still around!
But is that a good thing, is the question! ;)
I've noticed that at Crystal Hall. There are some like that at MORFS, too. I would love to see some of those continued...
Thanks Ben!
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Yes, it is!
Yes, it is. (And that's true not only for you but for all the people out there.)
After reading "Not for Me" and then nothing more from you I'm actually glad that you had "just" a minor breakdown, some crying, and a general bad time - because bad times tend to end sooner or later.
And there's nothing pathetic about having a bad time now and then; everybody does. The only thing remotely pathetic I can see here is dissing yourself for having a few bad days. Stop that right now! :-)
As somebody else already wrote, you aren't under a contract to produce 100,000 words a day here. (Who'd want to read the result of such a contract anyway? A good story should not be rushed but grow at its own pace.) So take all the time you need for yourself - your audience will still be there whenever the next chapter is out.
Take care!
--- Martin
I hope I didn't worry anyone
I hope I didn't worry anyone with Not For Me. It felt a little like a 'goodbye' when I wrote it, which wasn't my intent and I was glad when the comments seemed to indicate people had taken it differently. I wasn't in that bad of shape! ;)
100,000 words a day? Hmm, if you worked non-stop for 24 hours and wrote at ~70 words per minute that might be possible. I think I'll pass on that one, though. I can't imagine what kind of nonsense would be coming out after writing nonstop at that speed that long!
Thanks Martin! ^_^
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
feeling blue is like an appendix
Weird title for a message, huh?
Doctors say the appendix is a totally unnecessary organ. 'coz you can have it taken out and nothing changes in you. And if something goes wrong with it, like appendicitis, then you have to have an appendectomy. Otherwise you're in deep doodoo.
Sorta like feeling down and feeling blue. Not needed. And if it lingers, you're gonna need to have that "removed." Otherwise...
There is no need to feel blue. Not when you have friends like us to keep bugging you so that you won't. Thing is, you have to let us know. The disadvantage of internet friends is that we don't get to see each other in the flesh, but the main advantage is that it's so easy to keep in touch. You gotta use this.
If ever you are in doubt about anything, need to talk, or whatever, I'm a short email away. And I dare say all your other friends n fans are, too.
No need to feel blue.
Just like an appendix...
Saless, I wrrite for fun, as the mood sees fit and to ease ...
the pain of lost loved ones, what ifs and might have beens.
My stories are all fantacies but much is inspired by real events, places and people. There is more than a little of me and who I might wish to be in Joanie and my other chracters are bits and pieces of people I know/knew.
It really does help to let it out in a non-destructive way and writing is one such method.
Best wishes to a creative and loving soul ... it comes through in your words.
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
Thanks, John, but...
stop already, you're making me blush! ;)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Hehe
Blushing improves blood circulation. It is good for your skin! ^_~
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
Faraway
Big Closet Top Shelf
Where you can fool around like you want to and most you get is some bemused good ribbing!
That's one of the things
That's one of the things that bothers me most, I think, how long it took me to get this blog up. I wanted to write something sooner, but when I'm upset enough I tend to break down in tears whenever I try to write anything! (Or sing. Weird, eh?)
Anyway, thanks Bobbie! :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Poor Self Worth
Writing is a good cathartic, but don't over dose on it hon. You wouldn't take a whole bottle of antacid for heartburn, right.
Apparently, it is such a good activity, that there is a group in Portland that has a community outreach called "Write Around Portland". In a group of perhaps a dozen individuals, plus the moderator, the group is encouraged to write about a key phrase that they'd been given for 5 minutes. Then they discuss what they'd written. I've done it and it was fun.
Still, you've had a lot of output, and I can certainly see how you could be burned out by it.
As far as story comments go, I always vote unless I think the story is just awful because of subject matter. I vote even if their grammar is just terrible. Comments on the other hand are another matter. Unless it is about something that really strikes me, well I just don't. Some here think that every story deserves a comment, but I don't agree, and I am sure that a sincere, heart felt comment is worth much more than one that is not.
Many Blessings
Khadijah
I wish i could
say something clever and witty that made you feel better straight away.....Trouble is i'm neither clever nor witty enough to do that. So i guess i'll have to content myself with telling you to look after yourself and when you feel ready to share with us your wonderful imagination, We'll all be here ready to enjoy reading your stories.
Thinking of you
Kirri
Thanks Kirri!
Thanks Kirri! :)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America
Take care of yourself.
Take care of yourself. Getting down on yourself is sadly a common issue with all of us. So be good to yourself.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I knew it was you.
Hi Saless,
When I read the blog title. Somehow, I feel like I haven't been on for days, but I'm pretty sure I've been on some each day..... Bad short term memory; doesn't matter anyway.
Did some time, maybe last month, you mention you weren't having much of a good time? I thought at the time, that if I didn't have my partner and her daughter sometime and my daughter rarely, my situation might be like yours. Today, I think, "that was dumb, Renee" cuz I don't know what your situation is, at all, except you sound depressed.
I've been pretty depressed since Aug. I think one of my anti-depressants mostly stopped working. It happens from time to time, then I have to switch to a different drug. Even tho' I told my contact at "mental health for the poor" before the end of Sept. I'm still on a starter dose of a new drug I hope will help. I see my (hated) Paki pshrink monday. I hope he doesn't shoot me. (boo, bad neenee) Don't know when in h--l I'll have enough meds in my system to even get partly undepressed. Maybe by Spring; luckily here that's in late Feb.
PM me if you want to shoot the shit, find out what kind of a luney tune I am, or whatever. I also do distance vs time at different acellerations calculations (of course, probably most here can do that). Did some for Theide, anyway.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Ready for work, 1992.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
*hugs*!
No worries, and not a bit of pressure. I hope you get to feeling better! I really have enjoyed your writing, including your comments. It's really too bad that you've felt so down. Sad and scared, and just... out. >.< You're right, it isn't fun. Just try to breathe, and get your heart underneath your head, and we'll be waiting here for you, glad to see your username, and hoping you're doing okay.
-Liz
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"
Just another thought,
What Laika or I might say (and I'm in no way trying to compare our communications talents. I can't write stories......or jokes, I guess)
Anyway: Hating yourself is just not as much fun as it used to be!
Oh well. Sorry to drag you into this, Laika.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
[how much fun did it used to be?.....?] (?)
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
I was going to say a few things
ALISON
'but Andrea and Kelly had said them for me!!Suffice to
say that from the comments a lot of people are thinking
of you and if they have faith in you,you can have faith
in yourself.May God love and bless you.Alison
ALISON
Thanks Alison!
And thanks to all of you! I'm doing much better now. I really appreciate all the comments, and PMs. It's nice to know somebody cares, and that you all aren't going to put me over the coals for not posting! ;)
Saless
"But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend." - Eddie Murphy, Coming To America