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I was half asleep in my bedroom, sorta listening to some show or video my wife was watching in the living room. I had almost drifted off, when I heard a metallic clang. And then ... I was someplace dark and cramped. I sorta knew I wasn't actually there, but it still felt real. I think I'm mostly grounded again, but I'm still smelling paint every once in a while, and my heart starts racing. Got all the lights on, which is helping a bit. Still a bundle of nerves. Not sure if I'm gonna be sleeping any more tonight.
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Sense memory?
If it's not to scary to think about, could this be a memory fragment from a buried memory?
FWIW, my understanding of trauma is that it is stored in the brain as sense memories, without a narrative to connect them. So it's possible that these are sense memories from something in the past.
Whether you should pursue them and try to bring up more memories is a question that should perhaps best be asked of a trauma-aware therapist who knows you well.
Huh...
I never heard of sense memory, but that does kinda sound like what mighta been happening. It might be part of a memory. I think something similar happened recently. Not sure if I'm feeling brave enough to really dig into it right now. If I still remember it, I may try bringing it up, when I see my therapist in about a week. Not sure if she's trauma aware, but it might still be worth saying something to her.
Thanks Asche!
Can't Sleep
When I can't sleep I start by TOTALLY relaxing my toes. Then I TOTALLY relax my feet. Then my ankles. Etc.
I rarely make it to my waist.
I don't know if it's the relaxation or the effort to relax that takes my mind off whatever it is that is keeping me awake.
Whatever . . . it works.
In the eighties, I had horrible anxiety attacks. I had no idea what would touch them off, but I would get a jolt -- not unlike an electrical shock. The mind is working on so many levels. I did biofeedback training and in a matter of days, it was all but gone. I went from not being able to leave my apartment to public speaking.
Just know that you're appreciated for at least your compassion and talent.
Good luck.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Big hammer helps
Big hammer helps
I've sorta found ...
... just getting up, and moving around, tends to help ground me. I'm not sure if I'd be up to doing what you suggested when I'm still feeling spooked by something, but I think I'll try it tonight. Thanks Jill!