A frown appeared on William's face. His voice was a whisper again. “I have been pretty bad to him, Vance too. Hell, I'd be surprised if he doesn't hate me by now.”

“A few months back, before mom called me on it at her place, I would have. But I'm trying to get better.” He squeezed his wife once more. “So, no letting on that I know. I think I can do that.”

November 25th 1982
Northern California

Continued:

He gestured to the door. “I heard you through the door.”

Maggie's stomach dropped and her smile faded but she did her best to not look worried. “What...what did you hear?”

When he spoke, his voice was quiet. “I heard you talking about Troy. Something about him being....Tracy. About him being like a daughter to you? I think that's what you were meaning. I'm not sure.” He looked at his wife, yet she couldn't figure out which emotion he wore on his face. “Tell me the truth Maggie. What's going on with our son? Is he gay? Or is it something like that?”

There was a few moments of silence while she tired to figure out what to say. “It's Something like that.” She replied, her head drooping a bit. She knew it was pointless to lie. But something in William seemed different. A year ago, or even month ago, he would have stormed in, demanding to know what was going on, then he would have just gone straight to Troy and made the boy change his ways. But he was asking questions and that was good. “He's....I don't know. He's....” A thought occurred to her and she looked up at her husband. “What are your thoughts about him, right now? Honest thoughts, just tell them to me.”

He let out a long breath of air, gathering his thoughts on Troy. “Till I heard that, I thought he was just a bit weak, you know, like a push over, even with his fighting thing he takes. But now, I can't stop thinking maybe he's gay. Part of me is disappointed in him for wanting to dress as a girl you know, being a sissy. Another part is angry at myself for not being a better role model for him.”

“What do you mean?” She asked. “How did you fail him as a role model?”

“I tried to raise him right. You know, good and bad and all that. How to be a man. Stuff like that.” William shrugged.

“You think what he's doing is bad?” She asked.

“Well....yeah.” He said. “I mean I guess...I don't know. It's just that we've always been taught that gays are bad, you know, evil.”

Maggie nodded. “And that was usually close minded church people who can't practice what they preach.”

“I guess.” William replied.

She sighed and shook her head. “William, recall the last time we went to a church? Just before you took us out of it? There were those two women who shared a house and the church turned against them, just because they shared a home? They weren't even a couple.” Maggie leaned against the car. “They all called them evil, hell, one of the people at the front of that self-righteous mob was an adulterer. Then there was the guy who stole from the church treasury. That's two of the ten commandments. Troy hasn't broken any, well other then the no lies one but who can honestly say they never broke that. He's pushed the honor they father and mother but all kids do, but he does listen. Hell, he's better then Vance is half the time.”

Maggie turned to face him. “A day ago you said you were proud of him, for letting people know someone was stealing. Were you telling the truth?” She asked.

“Yeah.” He said with a nod.

“And he's been good to your mother and father, plus with us. He's also picked up a lot of extra work around the house to help out. You said you were proud about that too, right?” Maggie began to smile as she thought about what Shelly had said. Troy and Tracy were the same person. So no matter what he wore, the core was the same loving child.

William nodded. “Yeah, I....”

Maggie had to make him see. He was still talking, not yelling, so there was a chance. She cut him off before he could continue. “And something you didn't know. He's been wearing girls clothes for a long time now. Maybe years, I only got proof in August.” She took one of his hands in hers. “He's a good kid, always has been. What we see on the outside? That's just window dressing. As you always told them when they were younger, it's what's on the inside that counts. Did you mean that?”

William nodded. She was right, he had often used the argument about what's on the inside with his kids. He put his arms around his wife, and pulled her close. He thought about it for a moment. Maybe there really was something to it. “You're right. But what do we do?”

“I'm not sure. I just know that inside that beautiful child beats a heart of gold. Troy or Tracy, it doesn't matter. What matters is his or her actions.” She replied, putting her head against William's chest. “But I'll talk to Shelly about this. They know people like Troy and they know a lot of psychologists. Maybe we can get one of them to help us find him some help up here. But for now, he'll need both his parents.”

“Should we be allowing this?” William asked.

“I don't know, but think of this. In the past four months, he's been happier, more productive around the house and he's actually mended fences with his brother.” Maggie looked into his eyes. “Maybe he knows what he wants in life. Maybe he doesn't.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he says he does this as to relax, so he has none of Troy's worries. But the more he does it, the happier he gets. His self esteem seems to be getting better. Heck, he's more sure of himself, at least that’s what I see.”

“Should we talk to him?” William asked.

“Not yet. He's still worried about things. He's afraid that you'll not understand. He's afraid what you'll do when you find out.” Maggie stated.

A frown appeared on William's face. His voice was a whisper again. “I have been pretty bad to him, Vance too. Hell, I'd be surprised if he doesn't hate me by now.”

“He loves you. He's just afraid that you'd punish him for this.” Maggie said.

“A few months back, before mom called me on it at her place, I would have. But I'm trying to get better.” He squeezed his wife once more. “So, no letting on that I know. I think I can do that.”

“Also, no telling your father.”

“Figured on that one.” William smiled at her. He leaned closer and kissed her gently. “I'll follow your lead on this.”

“Thank you William.” She kissed him back.

“Come on. I need to grab my pennies and we need to get back before they send the search parties.” He said with a laugh.

“I'll meet you over there. I'll save you a slice of the apple pie.” She said as he let her go and began moving to the door.

“Thanks Maggie.” He opened the door and stopped before he stepped in. “And thank you for telling me too.”

William woke up a few minutes before his alarm went off. He had barely slept the night before. He sat on the edge of the bed for a few moments, thinking about what he had learned the night before. Since he had talked to his wife his focus was shot. He couldn't concentrate on his card game with his brother and father. Then he had rolled through the night, trying to think about what he should do.

His youngest child was pulling bacon from the frying pan as he came into the kitchen. The young boy was wearing a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt. He watched as Troy cracked a couple of eggs into the pan and then reached over to the coffee pot to fill a cup for his father. He handed it to his father, handle first.

“Thanks Son. You know you didn't have to do this.” William said before taking a sip, then moving to the toaster. The least he could do was make toast as his child made him breakfast. He wanted to ask his son about what he was feeling. About anything that was going on. He felt so helpless. His child needed help, at least he thought so but he promised Maggie.

Troy watched his skillet as his father began making toast. “I know. It's just you got a long day and I wanted to help you have a good day.”

“Any time I get to see my family is a great day.” William leaned over to hug his son. “Especially when it's my children who make me proud.”

Troy looked at him and smiled. Then he turned to get in the fridge. As he turned and squatted down to reach in the back of the fridge, his father saw his shirt ride up, showing a pair of pink panties with yellow flowers on them. William turned to face the toaster again, not wanting Troy to know he had seen.

William still didn't know what to do. The thought of his son wanting to be a girl wasn't something he understood. He needed advice, but he wasn't sure of who he could turn to. He knew his father’s response would be something like “beat it out of him.” Or some other way to make him a man. He stared at the toaster, deep in thought.

Troy stood up with, holding a melon and he put it on a cutting board. He gave his father a quick glance and asked. “Hey Dad.” He said, pulling a knife from the cutting block. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I guess.” William lied. “Just not really looking forward to work today, but at least it's Christmas money.”

“Cool.” Troy smiled.

He stopped cutting the melon long enough to remove the two eggs from the pan onto a plate that sat on the counter. He moved it to the table for his dad. “Hey, thanks for letting us go to the Bay Area.” Troy said.

“Well have fun, but be good for your Aunt and Uncle. And I meant what I said, no getting in fights just to get out of school.” He gave a light laugh. He thought about it, Maggie had a point. His boy was wearing girls clothes, but he had still done what was right. Some how he had managed to help out his brother. He wasn't sure if him dressing up was going to make him gay, but he still love his child and his wife was right. Either Tracy or Troy, both would need their father.

“You going to eat anything?” William asked his son.

“Maybe in a bit. I figure I could wait till Mom and Vance are up, then I'd make ours.” He replied as he poured a glass of juice, then took a seat at the table. “I'm sure he doesn't want to get up till noon anyway.”

“He is like that, isn't he?” William laughed quietly before taking a bite.

“Except Christmas.” Troy answered.

“You're not innocent there either, young man. I still recall getting up one morning when you were six or seven and you were playing with the wrapped boxes under the tree.”

Troy smiled at the memory. “Just once.”

“Four times.” William corrected him, holding up four fingers. “One time I recall you were found using one of your brothers presents as a pillow.”

Troy chuckled at the memory. “That wasn't the best pillow, either.”

William smiled at his son, then he put his fork down. He sighed and his smile faded. “You know Troy, I really dropped the ball with you two. I've been so busy pushing you to be like I was when I was a kid, but your nothing like me. You and Vance are so different. And I am so proud of both of you.” He wiped at his eye before a tear could show.

“Thank you Dad.” Troy replied.

William reached across the table and touched his son's hand. He had promised not to say anything to Troy, but he had one option. “I know I haven't been the best person to talk to, but I'm trying. So if there is anything you ever need to talk about, and you feel like sharing with me, I'd be honored to listen.

Troy froze for a moment, his mind racing to recall any time that his father could have seen anything. Then a voice of reason seemed to speak in his mind. “He's trying. Maybe we should meet him halfway.”

“I will Dad.” He replied, but he had looked down as he spoke.

Before his father could say anything else, Maggie came into the kitchen, wearing a flannel nightgown. “You made your father breakfast?” She asked her youngest.

“Yep.” He smiled up at her. "I'll make some for you if you want.”

She bent down and kissed Troy's cheek. “I'd like that but you don't have too.” She said as moved to kiss her husband. “You're almost running late.” She said, looking to a clock on the wall.

William turned and looked at the clock. “Crap.” He turned and took a few hurried bites, finishing off the plate. He stood up and hugged his wife. “Drive safe.” He told her.

“I will.” She replied.

William stopped by his son, long enough to ruffle Troy's hair which was getting longer then he normally allowed. “You be good and I'll see you both on Monday.”

“Bye Dad.” Troy watched his father head to the living room to get the stuff he needed for work, then he was out the door. He was silent for a few moments, then his mother reached over and touched his cheek.

“Hey, you okay?” She asked.

Troy nodded. “Yeah. Just thinking.” He replied.

“About what?”

“I'm just wondering if I should ever tell Dad about Tracy.” He looked at his mother. “I'm just wondering if he knows.”

Maggie raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think that?”

“Last night at Grandma's, he kept watching me while he played cards. He always looked like something was on his mind. Then this morning, right before you came in he said I could tell him anything.”

Maggie nodded as she thought about it. She was wondering how close he got to telling Troy what he knew. “Do you want to tell him?”

Troy bit his lower lip. “I don't know. What if he kicks me out of the house?”

“He won't kick you out of the house. You can trust me on that.” Maggie gave him a comforting smile. “But sweetie, only tell him when you're ready.”

Troy thought about it, then he got up to start making her breakfast. “Yeah. What if he finds out something?”

“Then we deal with it then. No point in worrying about the future.” Maggie got up to get a cup of coffee. “But I think he loves you so much, that when you talk to him and tell him how you feel, he'll be your biggest supporter.”

Troy looked at her. The look he gave her showed he didn't believe her. “Really?” He asked.

“Sweetie, he loves you. There are ways we can get him to see that your the same child he's known all these years.”

Troy stopped as he was about to crack an egg open. “Do we have to tell him soon?”

“No sweetie, you make the time table here. This is about your comfort, okay?” She stopped at his side long enough to hug him.

“Okay Mom.” He said while nodding. “I'll think about it.”

“That's all anyone can ask.” Maggie replied.

Over the next few posts, I'll be switching view points from Maggie Shelly and Frank, to William and then Tracy... and who knows, maybe I'll throw Vance in there too. But this is all helping to build Troy's story.