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My wife died last night in the Wesley Hospital in Brisbane, Australia. Her passing was as peaceful as could be expected after nearly two years of suffering with cancers of the liver, breast and adrenal gland. She had three sessions of chemo and two of radiation treatment, which undoubtedly prolonged her life but at considerable physical and mental cost. These are cruel diseases and it is a terrible thing to see someone gradually decline before your eyes.
About six months ago she decided against a further chemo treatment which would probably only have extended her life by another couple of months and would have left her even weaker and miserable over a three month treatment period. Instead she opted for a cruise while she was still well enough to enjoy one and we consequently went to New Zealand, Tahiti, Moorea, Bora Bora and Honolulu over three weeks and she did enjoy it although she was worn out by the end. When she died her weight was down to less than 40kg.
Taking care of her was virtually a full-time occupation and that is the main reason for my almost total absence from this site over the last couple of years. It also seemed to curtail any creativity which I may once have had. Although there were times when I wanted to write I just couldn't get any sustained direction in a story. Perhaps this will change now although I won't rush into anything until my personal situation has returned to some kind of normality.
Funnily enough I am a private kind of person and thus only a few very dear friends here have known about all of this. I am just not someone who bares their heart and soul to the world and I don't do anything like Facebook or Twitter. Fifty-odd years of hiding my true self from the world have instilled me with a sense of caution. My wife never knew and nor would she have approved.
This site has been a secret safety valve for me and I hope it will continue to be so and perhaps I will again be able to contribute a little more than the occasional comment. I thank all those who administer Big Closet and all those who write here for helping to sustain my spirits over the last six years,
Joanne
Comments
Thinking of you
Joanne,
I'm so sorry to hear about your wife, and though we're not friends, I'll be thinking about you and hoping you find some peace and comfort.
Michelle
Sorry about the passing
Sorry to hear of the passing of your Wife and undoubtly your best friend. Please take the time to remember the good times and not pain and suffering of the ill times.
God Bless and be with you through these trying times.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, cancer is a terrible disease and it is hard on both the person who has it and their loved ones who have to see the suffering and wasting away.
Sorry for your Loss
And for her suffering. I do like your stories and hope you will be able to get your groove back in the future when you're ready.
{{Hugs}}
Frank
even when
you are expecting it, it still hurts. may you have the time to mourn and always remember the best parts.
take care
We say "I love you" a million times and it's never enough
joanne,
Someone asks me when do you get over it? My answer as always is, "If you loved them, you never get over it until you are together again." The space they occupied in the heart and soul is still there but something is missing. The shared memories are now memories of one.
I would have traded places even at the end but it wasn't my choice to make. It wasn't an empty gesture as I had already died once before in this life. I promise with all my heart and soul, He's real.
Cry as you must and smile at the memories you and her built together. You will understand in time what I have tried to say and the things I left unsaid.
May His angels of kindness and mercy comfort you in your time of loss.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
I am so sorry
To read of your tragic loss. I know personally the pain you are going through, and it's gonna be tough to get through. And well-meaning people may say some things that rub on that raw wound you have. Don't take what is said personally, most of them mean well. We are at our worst when trying to convey our sympathies. But you have a number of shoulders to rest your head on, just give a shout and somebody will answer.
Take care,
I went outside once. The graphics weren' that great.
I'm so sorry for your loss
Sending you a fleet of huggles.
You've been so dear to me....
and you're in my heart always. Love you very much!
Love, Andrea Lena
Condolences
I'm very sorry to hear about your wife. It's too bad you thought she wouldn't approve of your feminine side but perhaps now you'll be free to express yourself. I wish you all the best.
*hug*
- Terry
Loosing a loved one sucks.... no other way to say it
Perhaps use your stories to remember her in?
Bits of my late mom, older sister and other loved ones alive and past influence my writing.
Take care of yourself...please?
John in Wauwatosa
John in Wauwatosa
We are diminished
We are diminished at the passing of anyone's loved one but love never leaves, it still remains.
We cry our tears of loss and mourn the days and nights and days that are gone, still they are gone.
We hold our memories of dear ones close because we can no longer hold them, not themselves.
We weep that yet we live and they are gone and have forsaken us, but love, dearest, love remains.
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
I am so sorry for your loss
I hate cancer. I have lost so many loved ones and friends to it.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers in the coming days.
Janice
My heartfelt sympathies
I offer the following to you as many have given me and my friend Sonya Jane (aka SJ) feedback that it has helped ......
http://allrecipes.com/cook/11602733/blogentry.aspx?postid=19...
All the very best
Julia
Our thoughts will be with you
Take care of yourself first, worry about us later.
SuZie
So very sorry
but glad you spent that precious time on holiday together.
I know from my own experiences that, even when you're expecting it and the person is in terrible pain, it still comes as a horrible shock, with such a sense of emptiness.
It will take time to heal, but in the meantime, enjoy this site and perhaps write a little.
My very best wishes
Charlotte
We don't know each other......
But I too have suffered the passing of someone who was very close to me - someone that I truly didn't fully appreciate until it was too late.
I know this may sound strange, but I envy you. I envy the fact that you had the chance to share time with your loved one, to care for her, to be there for her and support her. I know that your loss must be haunting you as mine still does me, but always remember that you were able to give her a wonderful shared experience at the end. I would sell my soul for the opportunity to do the same, but alas it was not to be.
Our last shared moments were in a dusty, dirty, hell hole halfway around the world.
Let me leave you with this one last thought - those we love never really die if we keep them in our hearts. They live on in our memories, our thoughts, and our prayers.
I hope that someday I get the opportunity to be reunited with my special someone. Wait for me Tommy - keep a seat warm for me, and tell the boys that I miss them. I love you - if only I had known enough to tell you before it was too late.
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
Prayers
I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Beth
Prayers
I'll be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Beth
A hug and best wishes
Thanks for letting us know. I'm glad this site helped keep you alive, and hope you'll still be around.
Hugs,
Kaleigh Way
My condolenses
I know how you feel. Tonight is the first aniversary of my dad's passing away from liver cancer. Together with my mom I spent the last hours holding my dad's hand until he expired. First is an emptiness, then you have to do all that stuff for the funeral and the whole inheritance and getting deeds and services changed to the survivors name.
I wish you a whole bunch of strength to do what must be done. But also the time and space to grieve and cry for your loss, as well as peace in the knowledge that your wife is not suffering any more.
Jessica