"Phew, what a scorcher, Jeffrey! October the 1st is early this year."

"I blame the EUSSR, Susie. They're sending us their overheated, continental air and probably scheming to plunder our newly discovered gas reserves in return. The sooner our maritime climate reasserts itself, the happier I'll be."

"Hear, hear, Jeffrey, bring on the equinoctial storms, and let's turn our faces to the open seas. We've had more than enough trouble with dog days this autumn. It's not natural; the next thing you know, neutrinos will be travelling faster than the speed of light."

"My writing won't - I've lost the flow. The words are barely dribbling out."

"Don't start moaning to me about that again. I'm constantly supplying you with nifty ideas you wilfully reject."

"They have to fit in with the story, Susie. I can't keep on conjuring up vehicles for you to wreck."

"All it needs is a little more effort on your part, Jeffrey. You have no difficulty getting Denise into a variety of outfits, but it's been more than thirty chapters since I went toot-toot."

"But less than two days. And I'm doing my best - there may be a tractor on the horizon."

"Well, make it a blooming big one, because you missed a trick on our last outing. There we were, not a clown's shoe from the Tower circus, and we didn't steal Coco's car and get chased by a gorilla. That's always good for a laugh, and you could have acted out your Fay Wray fantasy into the bargain."

"I'm saving the monkey business for when we're trapped on a swaying rope bridge, carrying a piano."

"I don't like the sound of that, Jeffrey, but I'll let it pass for now. Just make sure, in our next adventure, you use my ingenious plan for incapacitating our dastardly kidnapper before we escape in a Ferrari."

"You're ahead of myself, Susie; that hasn't happened yet. I still have to explain how come we're carrying around a two pound slab of overripe cheese."

"Don't make excuses, Jeffrey - all you have to do is write it down. As you took a gleeful delight in reminding me, we're living in the Elsewhen, so the future's already happened."

"Oh, you're a Dunneian, are you, Susie?"

"A multi-layered character - that's me to a T."

"And a Dunneist as well, no doubt."

"Possibly, Jeffrey, but sometimes even I don't know what I'm going to do and say next."

"Ying tong, ying tong, ying tong, ying tong iddle I po, iddle I po."

"Don't waste that in a blog, Jeffrey - save our sophisticated banter for the story."

"Sorry, Susie, but this heat is getting to me; I had an upsetting dream last night."

"Was I in it?"

"No."

"That's okay, then."

"Not entirely - I dreamt dad was back. He'd cleared out my shed and mum had thrown all my books into his skip. I wonder what it means."

"Best not to go there, Jeffrey. You've been overworking, that's all. Lie back and think of Poundland while I favour you with some intimate personal therapy."

"You know best, Susie."

"I certainly do, Jeffrey."

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

"Aaaahhh, Susie, Pinky and Perky thank you."

"You're welcome, Jeffrey - I'm pleased to have saved this from being another pointless exercise."

"I beg to differ, Susie. All our postings possess a wealth of hidden meanings."

"What was it about, then?"

"I haven't a clue, Susie. I just hope my urge to blog is a temporary aberration until I summon up the energy to get back to the seriously funny stuff."

"And my cars. Bend over, Jeffrey, while I trickle charge your butteries."