It's been a case of ups & downs recently, none more so than the past few days.

As I've previously said, I've been suffering depression for a few months but it is under those conditions that I find I can concentrate on my writing as I effectively block out everything else. That doesn't mean that I ignore my teenage daughter, some chance of that, but calls & emails are unanswered for hours, or days.

Of course that causes others to get worried and fret about me, even though I'm old enough to know what I'm doing. Apparently, if I hadn't been in touch with some family members today they were going to call my GP and insist he acted. Whilst he does know about my depression, I can't take happy pills as they interact with my epilepsy medication.

What my GP also knows is that my TG status is one cause of my depression, but I can't disclose this to my family and there is no way my GP should release that information, or any other confidential medical records.

What happened this morning was my mother suddenly arriving at my apartment,.My daughter opened the door to her as I hurridly put a dressing gown over my plainly feminine nightie. I had barely tied the belt when mother walks straight into my bedroom, something I never thought she would do. Hanging in there, in plain sight were two of my skirts, some of my cosmetics could also be seen if you looked in the right direction.

As it is, she didn't see the nightie or the skirts but it was close. It was, however, an invasion of my privacy but today was not the right time to raise that.

Apparently I had changed my email address (the male one that everyone has and I have owned for eleven years exactly - since 03 April 2004!) plus I was in danger of self-harm. Of course neither was true.

I have been asked to see her tomorrow so I can crawl around in the attic and disconnect the electrical supply to the outbuildings, a five minute job that will no doubt attract an hour long nag.

Anyway, yesterday was an 'up' day. Mid afternoon I had an email on my usual account from a colleague from my government days. He had been a member of my team looking after the IT infrastructure, amongst other tasks. I had been pushed sideways by a new member of staff who took over the actual staff management and procurement responsibilities releasing me for the hands-on tasks.

To put it mildly, he didn't like me and my team (now his) found him difficult to work with. My approach was training when things went wrong, he used the disciplinary process. When I got into conflict with the management he reported on me from behind my back. When I did retire, on medical grounds after a three year long process, he was one person I did not regret leaving.

I actually found my old team a year or so after my retirement when they were having a Christmas lunch in a favourite watering hole. I believe there was an attempt to have me excluded from the establishment on spurious grounds but the owner had known me for over a decade! Most of those in that party were pleasant to me, one or two blanked me. Oh well!

Yesterday's email included a suggestion to check a regional news website, where I find this (ex) team manager had been sent to prison for embezzlement., £90,000 worth, from a not-for-profit organisation where he was treasurer. I'm sure his office accounts will also be scrutinised now!

I shouldn't take pleasure in someone else's fall from grace but this was completely self-inflicted.

What pleased me most is that my old team still remember me, despite my last working day there was in 2006.