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I'm sure most eveyone has seen this before, perhaps many times. I was searching through my home directory at work and found the file (timestamped 1998) with the rules. It still gives chuckles. Enjoy!
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25 Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26 Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33 Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Proofread carefully to if you any words out.
Comments
#20 Has Got To Be Silly
... if you do not use passive voice, does that mean you have use all caps when you write? thats like shouting. THIS IS NOT PASSIVE!@ also if all the characters use strong voices it kind of becomes boring. One or more should have a passive voice in the story to break up the monotony and give me something to actually digest and compare against while I read. Passive voices when intermixed with other medium and strong voices in a story makes for a good read.
hehe
Sephrena Lynn Miller
Passive Voice
Amelia and many others can explain this a lot better than me - but what the heck, I'm feeling adventurous.
Passive voice means the sentence focuses on the object being acted on, rather than the person or thing performing the action. So in the example:
The passive voice is to be ignored.
"Passive voice" is the object being acted on, and the way the sentence is structured makes it the subject of the sentence. "Ignored" is the action, and the actor - you, the reader/writer - is missing from the sentence. In active voice it could be:
You should ignore the passive voice.
Here's another example that may make it a little clearer:
Active - Cindy was baking a cake.
Passive - A cake was being baked by Cindy.
Usually you want to draw attention to the person or thing that is "doing" an action, rather than what they are doing it to, so passive voice is discouraged in most writing. (Note - I said discouraged, not forbidden, and 'most writing'.)
And there you have it, Scott's very brief explanation of active and passive voice. Amelia, how did I do?
Scott
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of--but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards.
Lazarus Long - Robert A. Heinlein's 'Time Enough for Love'
Bree
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
-- Tom Clancy
http://genomorph.tglibrary.com/ (Currently broken)
http://bree-ramsey314.livejournal.com/
Twitter: @genomorph
You're learning, Scott!
Your explication was well done.
Butcept*, I think you may have misunderread* the "hehe" at the end of Sephrena's post.
Amelia
*Proving once again that neologisms are alive and well and have their place.
"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas
"Reading rots the mind." - Uncle Analdas
passive voice
Passive voice can be used effectively in many situations; avoiding it is more of a journalism guideline than a fiction one. Good reporting always cares who did something, but there are many situations where literature doesn't. (I sometimes feel that passive voice has too many detractors, so I will speak up for it when I can. It's not like it's going to stand up for itself; it's too passive)
The sentence "My car was stolen!" is better than "Someone stole my car!" because what is important to the speaker is that it was his/her possession that was taken away, and leading with "my" shows that.
Something like "A magnificent feast was set before all the guests to the palace," works because the best kitchen servants do their job invisibly.
A piece like "Betty took pride in her skills as a homemaker; by 10:30 each morning, the breakfast dishes had been washed and put away, the bed she shared with Jim had been made (with fresh linens if it was a Thursday, or if the day before had been a special occasion), the children's beds had been remade properly, all three bathrooms had been cleaned, the carpets had all been vacuumed, and the display shelves in the parlor had been dusted" reflects the checklist in Betty's mind and hints at how depersonalized her existance is, giving the opening clause an irony it wouldn't have otherwise.
Eschew sesqyipedality
Is my favorite. (It has an English(more or less) word with a Q and no U, for one thing.)
-Profanity is the ultimate bastion of the inarticulate asshole, also shouldn't be forgotten.
Angela posted a similar list last fall. (Did you miss that meeting, Jamie?) (I tried to put a link here, but it didn't work. Maybe someone else can do it right. The title is: "Look what fell over the transom" from last September.)
But they certainly bare repeating anyway! -- That reminds me: Bee careful witch homonym you use.
Hugs,
Jan
I missed that one
'though I didn't start hanging out here until a bit later. It's a post to have been expected from Ang. :\
Jamie
40) when making lists be
40) when making lists be sure to use the same format for each and also never allow rambling
.... word wraped sentences to intefer with the column format adding spaces to smooth out the rough edges in numbering.
41. Make every effort to avoid skipping row identifiers.
my apologies, it is early and i can't capitalize enough on a silly mood when it runs past me
Suna