Born Twice
By Alyssa Plant

'She had asked herself that question many times since this had begun. Only now did she finally have an answer…

Because I’m not normal…

Rebecca turned and ran before they could say another word.'

Chapter 16

By the following weekend, Rebecca was released from hospital.

Dr Martin had been so sweet to her. The two had grown close in hospital. The man had been a sympathetic ear for her, and a shoulder to cry on.

Paul remained in the hospital in a coma. It rocked Rebecca’s world to think of life without him.
She would visit him as often as she could.

This was her fault, she would make it right.

It felt strange to be returning to a sort of normality. But then, it wasn’t; she was returning home now…Her only home. After her parents’ reaction in the hospital, Rebecca knew she would never see her childhood home once more. They had made their view very clear.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, Rebecca feared them.
What they might do to make her their son again. How they would treat her. No… It was very clear; she could not go home again. Of course, she would not stop trying, but she could not return again till something changed significantly.

It still stung to think about that day in the hospital. It seemed a mirage, almost as if, could she think hard enough, it could be wished away. Try as she might, she could not do it.

It haunted her with an omnipresent weight.

As they drove through the gates of the universities residential area, it all slumped down onto Rebecca. The frustration… the anger… the pain.

She felt the hot tears roll down her cheeks.

“Hey sweetie you ok?” Page’s bubbly voice burst though her thoughts.

Rebecca nodded stiffly, rubbing her eyes.

“I was just thinking about stuff.” She muttered.

“I guess it only just hit me as real.” She sighed looking out the car window at the residential building.

“You coming in then love?” Page asked, concern written on her face.

“Lets get you to bed ok? Cooed Page.

Being back in her room felt weird to her; it had been just over a week she had left here with Paul for the Ball and their fate.
She had to be strong. Otherwise the slightest sign would destroy the fragile house of cards that was her emotions.

Sarah had told her during one of her many visits that the police had arrested Marissa and her gang, in part due to Rebecca’s testimony from her hospital bed during her recovery, and CCTV footage and an overwhelming support for her from her classmates.

Maybe Sarah had been right that fateful night.

Most did hate Marissa for what she did… Notably the university administration. Those identified had been expelled before they had posted bail.

After Page had left, Rebecca felt very alone. She sat there on her bed, hardly moving, just feeling.

She felt everything. People around her, the distance between them, pain, incredible pain.

She didn’t physically hurt. Her wounds were healing, but the pain the attack left in her heart was strong.

She stripped off her clothes, letting them fall to the floor with little care for their location, and stepped into her shower.

The warm water felt amazing cascading over her body. Cleansing, and relaxing her tired knotted muscles.

She lent against the shower wall, feeling it all wash down over her. She let her legs go and slump down against the side of the shower cubicle, sat on the floor of the shower, it all washed down.

Rebecca ran her fingers through her hair to pull it off her face and looked upwards into the jets of warm water.

She couldn’t languish like this, it wasn’t right. She wasn’t someone’s victim. She needed to be her own woman, and make her own stand. She needed to be strong where before she had backed down.

It struck Rebecca; as Charlie, she would have backed down with very little problem. Any time she had done something as a boy, she had backed down when others had made her.

Not now

She was her own woman, she was herself for the first time in her life, and she wasn’t going to let assholes destroy her happiness. Rebecca was a strong, confident woman.

Rebecca would live.

Rising to her feet, Becca shut off the shower and stepped from the glass cubicle into the cool air of the ensuite. She felt her skin goose pimple as she wrapped her towel around herself.

After drying herself, and rubbing the moisture from her hair, she pulled on a pair of cut-offs and a sweatshirt and left her room.

Down the corridor she knocked on a door.

After momentary shuffling, it was opened, and she was facing Danny.

Tears welled in her eyes as she hugged her flatmate.

Just being back here felt better; and she needed company.

“Hey kid, you ok?” He asked softly as he hugged her tightly.

Rebecca sobbed in Danny’s arms for a moment before pulling herself away and whipping her eyes.

”I just needed to see someone, I’ve felt so lonely.” She sniffed. “The reality of all of this has hit me. It’s not something easy… Not everyone is as lovely as all of you.”

Danny looked down into his friends eyes. She looked so lost, so fragile. He couldn’t quite believe that this little girl had been one of the boys on his corridor.

But then again, Rebecca had never been a boy.

He could see that. Thinking back, she had been a girl that looked a little like a boy, and lived that way. She had always been the person he was friends with. Nothing changed that.

Rebecca looked at the boy who seemed so unfazed by her rapid transition. ‘Granted he started it’ she thought.

Danny spoke, cutting through the awkward silence.

“You want to come down to the bar with us? I think you need to get out a bit?”

Rebecca looked at her feet. Could she? Somehow, her self confidence had vanished since the attack, she felt so self conscious. So… weak.

“Um, maybe, give me a few minutes ok?” She muttered and vanished off to her room.

As bad as she felt, she knew she had to get back on the preverbal horse now, or she may never manage it.

Sitting on her bed, she wondered what she would wear

It never seemed like a big deal before. She had become relaxed in her skin.

Tonight was just a quiet drink with friends, catching up, chatting and relaxing. She didn’t want to stick out by being too bland or too glamorous. It was just the boys after all.

After tidying her hair with a few clips, and whisking a practiced hand across her face, she slipped into her cut-offs and a plain white tee-shirt. As she left her room, she slipped her sandals on and grabbed her bag.

The boys were already waiting in the corridor, chatting quietly.

They seemed quiet, almost apprehensive around her. As the quiet precession made its way outside the halls into the evening sunshine, Rebecca stopped and coughed loudly.

They all stopped and looked at her.

“Stop treating me like I’m broken…” she growled. “I thought we were going out to relax, not make things worse?”

Rebecca could feel her blood pressure rising. Why where her friends so damn careful around her?

“I’m sorry Becca,” Andy muttered “We just weren’t sure how you were feeling… I mean, this sort of brought it home to us too…”

“Look, please just treat me how you used to… I’m still me.” She almost pleaded

Rebecca could see the guiltily looks on the faces of her friends as they realised how they were treating her.
‘Why did this stupid thing cause so many problems?’

She had asked herself that question many times since this had begun. Only now did she finally have an answer…

Because I’m not normal…

Rebecca turned and ran before they could say another word.

Becca ran and ran across the recreational area surrounding the halls till she reached a small pond that was a favourite quiet spot in the campus.

She couldn’t stand anymore. The emotional stress and physical pain brought her to her knees by the water’s edge.
The pain of the previous weeks flowed from her eyes as she sobbed by the oasis of calm.

Rebecca whipped her eyes and looked out across the pond.

The early evening sun was reflecting off the water’s surface. It was so beautiful she thought. Why could nature be perfect? Correct? So simple?

Tossing a pebble into the water, she watched the ripples spread. It seemed her life was one big pebble.

“Rebecca?” called a voice from behind her.

Rebecca jumped, and turned to see her flatmates walking down to the pond.

“I guess we should n ever play hide and seek.” She sniffed.

“Mind if we join you?” Danny asked softly.

“It’s a public place, pull up some grass” Rebecca replied non comittally. She still felt bad about how they handled her.

Danny and her flatmates sat down near her. For a short while, nobody spoke.

“I’m not going to pretend to know how you feel Becca.” Andy stated flatly, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

”But we know we were wrong treating you differently. You’re our friend, and we support you 100%, you know that right?”

Looking into his eyes, Rebecca could see the genuine feelings in Andy and her flatmates.

“Thanks guys” muttered Rebecca. “I’m sorry I ran off. I’m just under a lot of stress right now. With you know….” She trailed off.

“I think you need a drink.” Stated Danny as he got to his feet. “I don’t know about you, but all these women troubles make me thirsty.

Rebecca couldn’t help but smile. These were her friends, she knew that now, they only treated her differently because they cared. They were still the same people.

Some things staying the same felt reassuring.

As they sat in the halls bar, Rebecca felt at home.

She was relaxing with friends. She knew she had to fight for herself. This was right. Right was worth standing up for.

Author’s note: Sorry for this taking forever, and possibly sub par writing. I’m under a lot of stress with coursework and exams, I realise I had to get something out. Please do give me feedback, I know this chapter will need it ><
Thanks
Alyssa.