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I'm not a writer, I should have taken English as a Second Language, or at least Remedial English. If these were offences I'd be on death row!
A friend sent me this: http://www.ic.arizona.edu/~wswc/fun-rules.htm
Rules for Better Writing... NOT!
Below is something the previous WSWC webmaster received via e-mail. As far as I know, it's from an anonymous author.
Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Avoid clichés like the plague (they're old hat).
Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
Be more or less specific.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
No sentence fragments.
Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it is highly superfluous.
One should NEVER generalize.
Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
Don't use no double negatives.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
One word sentences? Eliminate.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be ignored.
Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
Kill all exclamation points!!!
Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
Puns are for children, not for groan readers.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Comments
LOL
Crap. I din't think anyone had noticed.
Sarah Lynn
One sentence is wrong
It is supposed to be: "Don't never use no double negatives.
There have been a few times I have been able to use four negatives in one sentence.
shalimar
But then VERY few of us are quite so talented
Hi Shelly,
I know for sure, certain, I have trouble using even one negative in a sentence. (Good thing I'm not a pretty, genetic girl, I'd have had two or three dozen babies by now.)
with love,
Hope
with love,
Hope
Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.
mark twain's rule
The most important rule for writing is Mark Twain's -- after giving a long list of rules, he added "and break any one of these before saying something stupid".
Writing "rulz" to avoid.
I've seen similar lists of "rulz" passed out in writing classes. As far as I'm concerned, this says something about the class above and beyond excessive cuteness, and is a great recommendation to avoid that teacher in the future.
Just to comment: item 1 is standard grammar. Items 2, 3, and 4 are simply wrong. None of these "rulz" is part of good English usage, and they never have been. They're simply some writer or other's pet peeves that have gotten enshrined in popular usage manuals and copied from one generation to the next.
If you've got a good grasp of what works and what doesn't, a list like this is unnecessary, and if you don't, it's worse than useless - it's actively harmful.
Xaltatun