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Walmart for milk before I headed to OKC. It's a long drive, I need my milk and Excedrin. Know most of the staff. I received several compliments and hugs. J.... was an obnoxious ass but that's J...., I've known him for more than twelve years. He asked where I got the skirt and if I had been dumpster diving. It is what a lot of the girls run into in their own lives. Let it go and don't get caught up in their bigotry. The world has those people and no matter what we do they will never accept us.
VA today and we were discussing hair loss and why my fingernails were breaking back to the quick. Conversation went to the meds and vitamins I was taking. Progesterone suppository and Estradiol injection, along with multi vitamins, zinc, magnesium, the D vitamins, etc. Dr. asked me when I had my top surgery. I'm not that slow as I instantly clued in and cupped my breasts.
"You mean these? Doc, they are all natural and home grown."
You had to be there, it was so funny. Why in the world is everyone so skittish around transgendered? God, you would think were were monsters ready to slay anyone for missing a pronoun or making a simple error around us. I hate what the world has become and what the trans Nazis have done raking everyone across the coals because they weren't addressed right or for any and every reason as they are like liberals, perpetually offended.
I hope I soothed everything over with Doc and he knows it was a compliment not a slur. The doctors and staff can talk to me about anything and everything transgender until the cows come home. They may ask me any personal, private question they wish and I'll answer the best way I know how with all my experience and knowledge that I can summon. I don't have all the answers, no one does, but I'll share what I do know. If they want to look we may do that too. I'm pretty proud of what I've accomplished considering my age and nothing was supposed to change. Besides the VA has invested a ton of money in me. They can examine their project if they want. Left a notarized do not resuscitate and an informed consent with my primary doc as they know and understand I am self medicating with their reluctant approval.
You missed the show today. Long denim wrap skirt, with brass side buttons, denim blouse with brass buttons, cowboy belt and huge silver and gold belt buckle, cowgirl hat, long single strand gold necklace draped over my breasts, dream catcher earrings. I was so dressed down, I guess I was dressed up? Lot of second and third looks and several compliments. I think I'm doing it right?
People, you don't have to be a movie start, super model, or the centerfold in Sports Illustrated. Be yourself, and for god sakes don't look like a deer in the headlights when you step outside in the big bad world. You will be accepted if you accept yourself. The great big secret is acting naturally like this is you. If you're in my part of the world and you want someone there with you, ask. I'll make damn sure you don't get physically hurt. Trans is not a life I would wish on anyone. Wishing doesn't make it go away so make the best of the life you were dealt. Please be careful. There are an awful lot of J.... out there. I know many of you won't approve as I left one of my doctors a batch of paper targets, ear muffs, and shooter's glasses. I've been begging her to go with me to the gun range. I'd teach her gun safety and how to defend herself. She's an exceptionally beautiful woman. The hours she works, some of the people she deals with, I worry about her.
Hugs People
Barb
Life is meant to be lived, not worn until it's worn out.
Comments
Some good stuff in your post
But you can't help the typical conservative gratuitous jab at any one who is 'liberal' (whatever that means these days, Reagan would be downright 'liberal' by comparison these days) is uncalled for but you can't help but do it can you?
Also, keep in mind that the need to 'be comfortable with yourself' should not even be necessary if the bigotry that is directed at us should be the exception and not the norm as it seems in the red areas of the country as those parts continue to push the narrative of trans being horrible people who should NOT have the freedoms they supposedly complain about the 'left' denying them. Hypocritical, much?
Not so much comfortable as "in your face," I guess.
I'm mostly okay with how I am, at least on the surface. And I've been lucky -- people around here seem to accept me; at least, they're nice enough (by NYC area standards, at least ☺), and nobody has given me any grief. Not to mention that I'm comfortably well-off.
But it's been hard-earned. I spent most of my life convinced that I had to be someone I wasn't just to not get kicked out of the human race (which is BTW turning into a rat race, but I digress....) or burned at the stake. It wasn't until it became plain as a fist in the face that that kind of life wasn't worth staying alive for that I started trying to find out who I really was, but I was terrified the whole time.
Actually, I realize I've spent my whole life scared, scared of moving forward or doing much of anything, and the only way I've moved forward is by convincing myself that staying put was going to be worse; that is, I fought fear with greater fear. (Specifically, I would tell myself: "you have a choice: you can [scary thing], or you can lie back down in your coffin and wait for someone to nail it shut.")
I spent over 10 years kind of walking backwards ("no, I'm not trans, not me!") into transition, and the only way I could keep going was by repeating the mantra, "if they kill me, they kill me, but at least I'll have finally been alive for a little while. Besides, even if I play it safe, I might get run over by a bus tomorrow anyway." I mostly cover up the terror by keeping busy with all the stuff I "have to do." Or web surfing and reading TG stories. Actually living as a woman was a high like no other, but no matter how high you get, sooner or later you end up back on Earth, with all the "issues" you had before.
This morning I again woke up so terrified that I could barely think straight, and, as usual, I sat around for a bit and then told myself to "put my big girl panties on" and go about doing what the rational side of me had decided I needed to do. I'm determined to be whoever the heck I am, and if "they" (Ted Cruz, Pope Bergoglio, judgemental trans people, Joanne Rowling, or the myriad people who made my growing-up Hell) don't like it, they can just [insert anatomically improbable acts].
P.S.: Is there an emoji for "Bronx cheer"?
Rat Race
You wrote: "which is BTW turning into a rat race".
The rat race is over; the rats won.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Here's one
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Perpetually Vigil
You're so right!
I spend a lot of time offended.
I'm offended that at 74 I'm high risk for bad covid results and live in a world where it's acceptable that one million people died when with minor lifestyle changes that number could have been much less. A world that doesn't understand that we're one mutation away from covid meltdown.
I'm offended when running for president requires that you lose all sense of humanity when it comes to women's rights, immigrants, and other minorities, including trans. It's a fact that the more morally outrageous you become the more money you attract for your campaigns.
I'm offended when my calling out a bigot is dismissed as "canceling." Christ called out bigots. "Whatever you do to the least. . .." Was that cancel culture?
I'm offended when the highest-rated cable show is a nightly racist rant. I especially love Tucker's nonsense about trans people not having higher rates of personal attacks than cis.
I'm offended when Putin's soldiers commit perpetual atrocities and those who coddle him aren't rejected by our society. How can they not see pure evil?
I'm offended when the world of sports, which I've loved for decades has created an unholy alliance with gambling setting a course for point-shaving, questionable officiating, late-in-game moves to meet the spread, etc. When the gladiators are found to be rigged where will the mobs go for entertainment?
I'm offended by people who say they love the constitution, yet support a huge number of those who plotted to overthrow the peaceful transfer of power.
I'm offended by the daily hypocrisy of minority rule in a country that is based on a populist based approach to government. When only 30% want Roe overturned wth is going on???
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
They just won't stop
Every single f***ing day there's some new attack. LGBTQ+ kids are at severe risk for suicide, yet there's this:
https://www.today.com/parents/parents/texas-removes-lgbtq-su...
"Sam Ames, director of advocacy and government affairs at The Trevor Project, said mental health is not a partisan issue, and removing suicide prevention resources from a government website 'because they are specific to LGBTQ youth is not only offensive and wrong, it’s dangerous.'”
To paraphrase Ian Fleming:
"Do you expect me to talk?"
"No, Ms, DiMaggio. I expect you to die."
Love, Andrea Lena
Accept yourself
That's the key. Most of us spin our wheels trying to change/hide/disguise ourselves so no one will know. Years, even decades spent in denial only to finally come to the conclusion that we are what we are and that we might just as well go with the flow.
I've found that going out in the world and acting as if I belong where ever I am puts other people at ease. Once I decided that I was what I was and just lived my life I could go where I wanted and everyone there accepted me as well.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt