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I recently posted the first chapter of a story where one of the main characters (Ian) had suffered both physical and emotional abuse. I've been working on it for almost a year now, and have only made it through three chapters. Part of the reason it took so long to get that far, was because it was emotionally draining to write. Another reason it took long, was because I kept on going back and forth on how much of Ian's past I should include in the story.
I was seriously tempted to keep the past experiences completely out, and just hint at what had happened. But, when I tried doing that, I found it difficult explaining why he reacted the way he did to different situations that came up in the story. Eventually, I sorta compromised, and included a flashback of something that had happened in Ian's past. Even though I tried to keep the description brief, I still thought it was important to tag it as "CAUTION: Physical or Emotional Abuse".
Now I'm wondering if I did the right thing. Not the tagging part, but the part where I included the flashback. I know, when I look for stories to read here on BCTS, I usually need to be in the right state of mind to handle a story that includes descriptions of abuse, and I worry maybe I might cause others problems by describing things that shouldn't happen, but sometimes does happen anyway.
Is there anyone else out there who finds themselves going back and forth on whether or not they should include scenes like that in their stories?
Comments
That's what trigger/content warnings are for
If it is an important element in the story, I would say include it, with a trigger warning.
Yes, for some of us, reading about abuse is difficult, but even when it is difficult, it can sometimes be cathartic. For me, reading about abuse that is anything like what I went through is validating: I grew up being told over and over again that it wasn't abuse, so a story in which it is clear that it was and that it had severe effects helps me believe that what I went through was awful and abusive, and not just me "making a mountain out of a molehill" (or being a "crybaby") like I was always told. Reading or hearing about this stuff is difficult, but that's because the original experience was difficult (big understatement.)
It's even more helpful if the outcome is that the protagonist ends up being freed into a supportive environment, thus showing that what they went through is not normal. (It took me decades to realize that what was "normal" in my home and school were not what people elsewhere thought of as normal or reasonable.)
Writing challenges
In discussions with friends who have suffered horrible experiences I've gotten different opinions. Some don't want to read stories with such and will avoid them. While others have said it's fine.
My own stories do include them, albeit limited and constrained usually to flashback-style snippets, yet I've tried to not 'hold back' and instead let them be as heart-hitting as needed while not becoming gratuitously overdone. In the book I'm working on now there was some internal debate whether to include an awful scene, but in the current revisions it's not described fully in prose as the scene happened prior to the first chapter and being a first person narration I realized the character wouldn't want to tell it but rather gloss over it in avoidance. There's enough to clue the reader in that -something- happened early on, and later more is revealed through conversation but that's all.
In the end the only advice I can think to give is to determine what you feel your *story* needs. The sad truth is horrific abuse does happen, but I think depending on the person that sometimes stories that have those elements can help folks who've experienced it to not feel alone or even aid them in working through it. That depends on the reader though and with the trigger warnings those who don't want to read those stories can more easily avoid.
Just my two cents worth. <3
- Erisian
Credibility
Not to speak to the specifics, per se, but you are a detailed writer, and usually provide aspects of whatever you are addressing as a way of making your characters more approachable. Abuse IS a horrible subject, but a sad fact of life; ironically discussed on Father's Day.
But in keeping with your overall approach to writing, it makes entire sense to be descriptive to a point to help us KNOW how deeply hurt your characters might be. The extent of detail is a somewhat subjective idea, but tags and cautions serve me personally.
The other part of the equation is that the idea of abuse is often incorporated by some who either are unable to provide their own emotional connection as survivors with their characters or they have not experienced it while trying to portray it authentically. The statistics of abuse overall in all its forms are staggering, and painful to behold in a story. BUT I as a survivor would much rather read with the needful caution, risking any painful catharsis than to read something inauthentic.
As a writer and a survivor, I have delved frequently into the subject; tapping into my own experience. Sad to say, but I have way too much company in that regard just on this website, but our approaches with caution help us and others know they are not alone. Your work is not gratuitous nor employed as a plot device, but rather as yet another tool in your kit to provide a real sense of who your characters are. THANK YOU!
Love, Andrea Lena
style and substance
I used to play an RPG called Cyberpunk and there were four "rules" to the game. 1) Style over substance. 2) Attitude is everything. 3) Always take it to the edge. 4)Break all the rules. The reason why I talk about this is a lesson I learned by playing the game. Unlike other RPGs I had played this one had a character development element completely new to me; History. All characters have a certain length of history or backstory. Unlike other games where the character's action and decisions are based on alignment(good evil neutral) Cyberpunk characters make such choices based on their life experiences, just like real people do. When one is confronted with extreme situations and make a decision that would seem out of step with their personality, it can go through, but there are repercussions for it. In other RPG the ref or DM simply says "no, that goes against your alignment, you'll become the opposite of what you are."(which usually prompts the player to change their mind) In cyberpunk, the ref won't do that. They let it go and then roll for aftermath; the cops show up, a rival shows up, a media makes a record, innocent bystander appears, etc. Now you have to deal with it, just like real people do. Backstory is important and many times can become critical to the current situation of a character. Good bad or ugly, the past events of one's life does have impact on their present and therefore influences the future. Many will tell you, I don't pull punches with my stories, I mark them with tags and a warning. I will "take it to the edge". I openly admit, my stories aren't for everyone. I write different things, but I always write first and foremost, for myself. I'm also not afraid to re-shelve and even scrap a project because I don't like the way it starts going on me. My back-burner file is embarrassingly bigger than I'd like. Take your time, write what you want and stay true to your characters. Leaving gaps in the past to fill in later is one thing, trying to completely rewrite their history is another. Good luck and do it YOUR way.
quidquid sum ego, et omnia mea semper; Ego me.
alecia Snowfall
Abuse and Trauma in stories.
I've been asked to write my own Autobiography and have tried but it puts me in such a funk that it is not worth it. Last night I was thinking that even if I did it and truthfully, some of the people who were so abusive are still alive and they would be disturbed by the disclosures. Perhaps it is time for me to stop being such a hypocrite to my own faith and truly forgive and walk away from it all. These days my personal life is sweet and pleasant.
Gwen
abuse
You've chronicled your childhood abuse previously on this site. Your harm was substantially traumatic. Such trauma is not easily forgiven; especially if the abusers are no longer alive and completely without accountability. It is NOT hypocritical to withhold any process of forgiveness when the ongoing neurological effects of that trauma are real and tenacious. That you want to forgive could be seen by some, myself included, as sincere and sufficient and not hypocritical at all, regardless of any faith we might hold. Love you, dear lady.
Love, Andrea Lena
one way I've seen
Of handling it is a very visible break with a warning just before and another very visbile break once its over, so that people who can't read that bit then can skip over it easily
Sexual abuse or harassment
Particularly of females is a very current topic here in the UK and I have alluded to it in my long saga of Bike with Cathy declaring that they were going to tackle it in her faculty. It's apparently a big problem in education, especially secondary schools and university. I have also used a story arc of flashbacks to some of the abuse she suffered as a teenager to coincide with this campaign she is running. So as Drea says, abuse is with us and most females and many males will suffer it or sexual harassment. Neither are acceptable in a civilised society, but then we don't live in one -yet, so let's try and make it more so and I hope validate what happened to some of our readers and possibly help them deal with it through fiction.
Angharad
Thank you, everyone!
Being able to see things from the perspective of others has helped calm some of the questions that have been ping-ponging around in my head. I feel so lucky to find myself surrounded by so many amazin' folk! :)
The Silence of the Night
When an idea for a story that dealt with the absolute worst forms of psychological, physical and sexual abuse popped into my head and wouldn't go away, the first thing I had to ask myself is "would such a story have a reason to exist, besides proving that I could go to such a horribly dark place and create a work of total horror?"
I never would have started it if the answer was no; But when realized that it could---if it showed how the fictional girl I put through such a nightmare experience could survive it and even thrive, despite all the scars and PTSD she ended up with as an adult---I knew I had to write THE SILENCE OF THE NIGHT.
So I did, and boy oh boy can I relate to how draining writing a story like this is! Especially when I delved into the mind of the narrator's pedophile rapist, who since it was a horror tale had survived his own death to live on in her nigtmares, like Freddy Kruger from Nightmare on Elm Street.
I will NEVER put myself through trying to write anything like that again. In the weeks it took me to write it I couldn't take enough showers to feel untainted by "Uncle Frank"s poisonous essence.
The next thing I had to ask myself was was how this story might affect victims of childhood abuse who might end up reading it. I knew that with the places this tale went to it could actually be dangerous for some readers, so I TRIGGER WARNING'ed THE HELL OUT OF IT, beyond just those little tags at the top, in unequivocal terms and boldface capitol letters, to try to make sure it didn't hurt anyone; treating it as seriously as I would some firearm that I didn't want to leave just lying around loaded.
Like so:
TRIGGER WARNING: ALTHOUGH THIS NIGHTMARE TALE EVENTUALLY PROVES TO HAVE A POINT TO IT BEYOND SOME DUBIOUS NOTION OF ENTERTAINMENT, AND ALTHOUGH PHYSICAL RAPE IS NEVER PORTRAYED IN ANY DETAIL; THE LONG SEQUENCE IN WHICH MIKEY/MICHELLE IS LURED INTO A PERVERT’S CAR AND IS ABDUCTED, THREATENED, MOCKED AND TERRORIZED MIGHT HIT TOO CLOSE TO HOME FOR SOME READERS. IF YOU'RE CONCERNED OVER HOW YOU'D REACT TO READING ABOUT SUCH THINGS IT'S PROBABLY BEST TO SKIP THIS ONE.
The final thing I knew I had to consider was how dark I was willing to go. How much fear, suffering and trauma for the heroine Michelle, how much sickness from the mind of her abuser. Being real familiar with his writings, I decided I would use the works of Stephen King for a yardstick, taking the horror to the extremes he would, but then stepping it back a notch just to be on the safe side. While all the commenters of the finished product were disturbed by the darkness of this story, some thanked me for not getting too graphic with the abuse and suffering.
So all in all I felt it was a success. I proved to myself I could write a genuinely horrifying horror story that
actually had something to say (and a sprinkling of unexpected absurdist humor); and a hopeful ending after all I put poor Michelle through. That last bit was important to me, to give readers hope by making her a survivor + not just a victim, permanently damage by her experiences.
So anyway here it is: https://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/24405/silence-night
But I didn't enjoy it and I'll NEVER try to write anything like tha t again!
I'd rather write about boys finding their true female selves
when they turn into pretty mermaids! Or maybe fairies,
because I'm all about realism in fiction...
BuBbLe BuBbLe HeE hEe .u.
Veronica
And remember...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifLqzLEB3E0
"Silence of the night" was worth writing
For what it's worth, this is a story that I read and re-read, especially when hope is hard to find. It gives me some assurance that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Although my story is nothing like Michelle's (it was hellish in other ways), I find myself identifying both with Mikey and Michelle. Yes, it's dark, but without the dark stuff, or with only a toned-down version, the ending -- that is, from when Michelle wakes up (screaming?) on -- would not have the depth it does.
Limited feedback - not your fault
One thing that I would say, is that you may get very limited feedback if you write something with a trigger warning or anything that is quite graphic.
That is not your fault, and you are probably appreciated more than you realise.
I know such scenes can be much more difficult and challenging to write and I find they can leave me feeling depressed and drained afterwards, even when I am convinced that they are a fundamental part in explaining the motivations of my characters. There seems to be a reluctance to offer positive comments against negative scenes, maybe because any such comment could be misconstrued, I don't know.
I appreciate something more challenging than a charming fantasy idyll sometimes. Even though I must admit, in these difficult times a little light fantasy is refreshing.
Please don't be disheartened if people don't seem to understand where you are going with your story. Have the courage of your convictions and write the story that you feel to be true to you. Just remember to include the warnings and let people make up their own minds.