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My older sister and her son are visiting from alabama this week and I let her use my computer to check her email. When I loged on here this morning several names came up as options in the username slot when I began typing. my sister had been here. I told her to use my firefox browser. All my tg stuff is saved on my windows explorer browser. She has not said anything about it yet and she leaves in the morning. I'm scared that she is going to ask me and at the same time I'm scared that she might not ask me. Do I ask her about it? What if that just makes things worse. Then my nephew would find out about it and then my mom, after her everyone would know about it. I'm sorry but I am just freaking out right now. I would love to have my familys support, but it ain't going to happen. Everyone in my family is very stubbron. Take my grandmother, she is wonderfull, but she still refers to affrican-americans as niggers. If she can't tolerate a black person then there is no way that she will tolerate a transexual in the family.
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Don't Ask, Don't Tell
I like to use my own variation on "Don't ask, don't tell." If she doesn't ask, don't tell her.
She's seen things, and she might have her suspicions, but that's all they are. If she asks you about it, and you deny it, she might think she can't trust you anymore. If she asks you about it, and you confirm her suspicions, it suddenly becomes real for her and she has to figure out how to handle it. If she doesn't ask you about it, it probably means she's not ready to deal with the implications.
ohhhh...
I agree with Jennifer on this smorr.
I know how freaky it can be when you have a close call with your internet browser and family members but you don't know for sure if she noticed or that shes even willing to discuss it if she did, so if she doesn't say anything then don't bring it up.
If she confronts you about it then just try to play it by ear (as lame advice as that sounds sorry).
I hope this doesn't blow up against you smorr but if it does we are all here to talk you through it. your not alone ok?
good luck
tabby
I've set up a "guest" account on my computer
... just for visitors.
Once I accidentally sent email from the "wrong" account to some of my sisters. They said something to me about it,
and I just acted puzzled and gave no explanation.
If you watch detective shows, you'd know that explanations are an indication of guilt.
Also, now her name will show up in the usernames, right? Just like all your friends who've used the computer.
Kaleigh
If they get confrontational
You might say that a close friend of yours came out to you and you were trying to learn more about it to be a supportive friend.
When it comes down to it I just do not like telling fibs, unless you are Gene Rodenbury and can create a whole new universe to support your fictional response you will trip up sooner or later.
Best of luck, I know it is terifying.
Christine
Snicker
Or to really put the cat among the canaries, if you are single, which you seem to be, tell her that you are in love with a t-girl and it was her 'leavings' on the browser. Then, tell her that you are joking and tell her what Christine just suggested. It is not the end of the world.
Kim
Tell the truth...if asked
just shrug and say "I like the stories" :D Just being here doesn't make you a crossdresser, transsexual, or anything else..besides that it's none of her business what sites you go on.
On the other hand, if you want to discuss things, it could be an opening...did she treat you weird after she used the computer?
Alexis
I Feel For You Smorr
Hopefully they won't say anything, I hope that they will be supportive and maybe she did not see your T.G. stuff. I hope things work out for you. I am from Alabama and I know from experience that a lot of people her are intolerant because I have seen my T.G. friends hurt.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Steping into the twilight zone.
My then wife knew that I struggled with GID for 15 years before I finally got outed to the whole family.
It was two days before Christmas that I got thrown out. I loved Margie and my children more than life its self. Today was 15,243 days since we were married. It was the religion that I had taught them that got me declaired a pervert on the way to hell.
That was about 3 1/2 years ago, and somehow I survived. My transition was magical, my religion nearly made me kill myself 5 times. Once was dead serious, but somehow I survived.
Now, I would say that my life is growing happier every day. The family is unlikely to return, but that is their failure, not mine. Those who know me think my transition was amazing. We get over these things if we don't murder ourselves.
Here is hoping that things go well for you.
Gwendolyn
User Accounts
Any modern operating system, and in this case that *includes* Windows XP and Vista (and in fact Windows 98 but you really ought not to be still using *that*) allows you to set up separate user accounts where the user data is kept separate.
Just create a user account, or at least a "guest" account, for other people to use where, without some fairly serious hacking ability, they won't be able to get at your personal stuff.
I'm sorry, I don't have a Windows VM installed right now to tell you exactly where to do this, but it'll be there somewhere. Someone else say where. :-)
Sounds like we might be related
My family still carrys a lot of the old prejudism's but I'm out to them and I really don't care what they think about me being Ts.You can lie about it or lay it on the line it's your choice.I chose not to let them decide how I should live my life.Amy
A couple of things you can do, Smorr
Put all of the URLs you wish to hide at least 3 levels down under two levels of innocuous stuff ( Netscape and Firefox make this easy.
That way they at least have to dig around a lot.
As far as hiding anything that you have saved on your hard drive, store it under C:\Documents and Settings\Default User
That is certainly a misnomer, because it is anything but default.
A search of your C: drive, using *.* as the search object, won't find anything in the Default User sub-path.
A year ago, when I re-entered the US coming back from Thailand ( just to get my girlish hairline restored), I was selected by the computer, supposedly at random, because it saw me as an unattached male traveling from Thailand. Bangkok is known as a place for people to go to Indonesia, where there are known Al Quaida training camps. And it is just as easy to return through Bangkok. It ids next to impossible to prevent boats from coming onto the coast, or to come through Cambodia or Myanmar.
My passport had my male name, but Holly was the one traveling. Customs didn't bat an eye at the way I was dressed, or what was in my bag. They just gave it a 30 second inspection.
What they wanted to see was the images on my laptop. I was surprised that he did only a search for all image types, on C:\
Apparently, customs didn't know that a search of C:\ only searches the sections for the active user, and ignores anything below any other users. They do now, at least at SFO.
I'm pretty open to talking, and after all, it was Holly he was talking to. I'd already mentioned, in discussing transgender, that I wrote and worked with writers in the genre, so I went ahead and showed him that it was all below 'Default user'.
I'm not a great fan of a number of parts of the so-called 'Patriot Act', as I believe several parts of it violate the US Constitution. But I have no problems with thorough searches at our borders, so I wanted him to know about the easy way I knew of to hide stuff from the search he'd just run. ( This was the shift supervisor, not a newbie, a man with over 20 years in US Customs ), and he did not know about it.
But I won't tell your sister.
Kaliegh's suggestion of a guest account is another way, and using both should be even better. But even though a C:\ search won’t find it, anyone highlighting Default user, and searching in it, will find it.
Anyone who is really knowledgeable about computers, who is willing to spend enough time, could find it if they try hard enough, even working out of a guest account.
However, a sister or other visitor, who did not have suspicions, would be unlikely to work that hard at it.
Holly
One of the most difficult things to give away is kindness.
It usually comes back to you.
Holly
I do have a guest account
It's all set up with parental controlls and monitoring and everything. I was downloading pictures off a memory card and she wanted to send some of them to her boyfriend who is traveling so I had to keep it on the main profile. I think I know what happened. I was working on the pictures and When I gave it to her I forgot to close an exta browser window I had open. It had "tanks for the mammories" on it.
SMORR, There is a movie
SMORR,
There is a movie called Sordid Lives. It depicts a gay man trying to cope with telling his family and friends. they all knew before he told them.
Honesty is the best policy. Take it from someone who waited 50 years to tell her mom.If you lie you have to remember the lie, being truthful in any situation is extremely helpful.
I beleive if confronted and you tell the trugh you'll feel much better than you expected and you may have an ally.
You sister is not going to blurt it out to your nephew, she's and adult, she does not need aggravation.
I have been out to all my friends and family except for my mom for years. I've alleviated a situation where no one has to pretend they do not know whats going on.
Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
Do what's best for you...
He conquers who endures. ~ Persius
My father
When I transitioned, I told my mom first. She wasn't exactly supportive immediately and worried about my father who was ill with the cancer that eventually killed him. So I agreed to only come around the house in "boy drag." After a bit over a year of this my father called me out into the garden on one visit. "I may be dying," he told me, "but I'm not the idiot your mother thinks I am. Next time, come in your own clothes."
Later, I sat with him during his last illness and he said that he felt closer to me after my transition than he had since I was a baby. We both cried. They are both gone now and I miss them but I'm glad that both of them got to meet the real me before it was too late. It meant a great deal to me to have their love and acceptance.
{{{;>
Wanda
I Remember Those Days
I remember how fearful I was about my family finding out what I was doing on the internet. My cousin used my computer and found out what my screen name is. He was okay with it, but my crazy aunt walked up behind him while he was talking to me on IM one night. She has always had a screw loose anyway and went off the deep end. She was ranting about how my therapist should be sued for malpractice and crap like that. I told her that I knew who I was a long time before I ever went to therapy. All she did was just validate what I already knew in my heart and soul. I did come to realize that there is a lot of truth in the old saying "To thine own self be true" You have a right to be whoever you want to be. My family had to learn that my life was mine to live and if they loved me enough, they would accept. Thankfully, the ones that mattered most did and do. You have support here from friends who have been there. If you ever feel a need to talk just PM me and I will be glad to listen.
Hugs,
Jenn
with firefox...
i share my computer with my brother so i have to be VERY careful, what i do is set firefox to clear private data everytime i close it. also i have mine set not to keep cookies or history.
Hmm. Privacy
I'm guessing this is about your bookmarks and history. I'd delete the history after every session and save my bookmarks in a straight text file, name it something innocuous and store it someplace safe.
Aardvark
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony."
Mahatma Gandhi
memory sticks
what you can do is save your bookmarks/favorites to a usb flash memory and also any stories or emails that are sensitive in subject. just get a 8 gig usb one.