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I received a response from Margaret Cohen, the therapist in LR that I contacted last week. She was very friendly, and gave me the name of another therapist that might be a little closer (I'll have to check after I post this :-))
I'd be lying to say I'm not petrified to take this next step. It took every ounce of strength I could muster just to contact Margaret, but she says Mary is a terrific therapist, and like I said, she came across as very friendly, so I'm going to gather my nerve and write to her.
I spoke briefly to Mom about it, and she essentially told me to do what I need to do, and we'll make it work somehow, as far as getting there. I have no idea how I'm going to afford this, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. :-)
This represents a big step for me because I'm getting to a point now where the line between peace and apathy is beginning to blur. I thought I'd turned a corner today, but the more this feeling lingered, the more I realized it wasn't ease I was feeling. *sigh* It's going to be a long night, but I'll get through it, and things will be brighter tomorrow.
~Zoe
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Go for it Zoe
Seriously, get every pennies worth out of your therapist, puke your soul out to her. They may be gatekeepers but in many ways they are facilitators as well. There are times you need to be fluffed up like a pillow and pushed out the door "Oh you'll be just fine dear" and others when they'll throw on the brakes and throw you a lifeline to save your sorry butt. For the most part they just want to hear you unload in a verbal dialog that shows you are thinking, using your brain and doing so somewhat realistically. This will only happen if you use her as a waste basket for the contents of you mind. A dear friend once said to me "OMG, you don't really tell her the truth do you???" ...she was dead within three years.
Ironically, she was the one who brought Cloe Roundsley and Millie Brown together to write "True Selves"
I can't fathom why anyone
I can't fathom why anyone would go to a therapist and not tell them everything. :-) But yeah, the way I look at it, if we hit it off either during our initial correspondance or the first session, then I'm going to be honest with her and tell her everything because I need help. I need to change.
If things don't work out, then I'll try working with Margaret instead. But the way she spoke, I'm a little optimistic about Mary at this point.
I wrote a letter with an abridged version as well as a possible time when I can make it up there for an appointment, so now I just have to wait and see what she says.
They say the hardest part is asking for help, and Margaret was my third time asking, so I'm hoping the third time's the charm (She did ask that I let her know if things work out with Mary, which is a very good sign, in my opinion, even in a worst-case scenario :-))
As an aside, this has me very seriously wondering now, if a non-trad student can live on-campus attending college. Something I need to look into this week.
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Keep a journal
Date it and print it out, give the update to your therapist when you see her. Its one way to reduce the frequency of visits and keep cost down. Also shows you are working through your stuff. Avoid editing, instead just put down the thought stream and if you feel the urge to change something then instead make a comment as it comes to you referencing the above thoughts. Otherwise you end up with a blank page that only says "I'm doing fine today" :)
You might for legal reasons ask that your journal files be kept separate from her file on you and that they are for her reference only but not part of her official record of you should she be contacted for any reason by a legal authority, ask her if she is comfortable about that. For instance she could review and shread them. Her thoughts and observations on you are one thing, a detailed journal of your personal thoughts are another and if presented with them you could be confronted with "did you write this?" We all know the garbage that we process.
I can't speak for schools in your area...
...but mine seemed to have no problems with it when I actually applied in time for consideration (there's limited on-campus housing at the University of Utah, and I missed the yearly deadline a couple of times for both a slot and for a housing grant). The upshot was that when I did get in, I wasn't in one of the low-end dorms, but in one of the campus-housing-maintained apartments. >.< Of course, housing with three unrelated guys, even though I had my own unshared room, didn't really help me to, er, face my situation. >.< It also didn't help that I was living on loans.
*sigh*
Seriously, though, most schools in the U.S. accept enough federal money that they aren't allowed to object to non-traditional students who behave themselves (no loud partying or excessive drinking, nor facilitating of such by underage roommates).
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
-Liz
Successor to the LToC
Formerly known as "momonoimoto"
:-)
Congrats in finding a potential therapist and its great that the initial vibes are good. And I'm really pleased that your mom sounds - at least in so far as getting there - to be supportive. Hopefully that's an encouraging sign for the future.
I'll be crossing my fingers for you and hoping for the best.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Sorry I am on vacation at the mo
So I did not spot this sooner but YES! I am happy for you for taking this first step!
Go Zoe Go! (That's for when Robin becomes a cheerleader ;) )
Kim
Me too
Saw this late. Good on you!
Thanks everyone. Mary sounds really nice so far :-)
She confirmed what I sort-of expected that her role isn't guidance on transition, but evaluation of mental competance (I expected the first, didn't really think about the second at all :-)), which is okay for me because what I need to confront most, I believe, is in regards to my depression and anxiety issues.
I sincerely hope that dealing with that will put me in a better mental state to make the other decision myself. She also suggested something you've been telling me all along, that I need to find a TG support group locally.
As an aside she knows someone who is legally blind, too, which in itself kind of makes me feel better about her.
I'm going to sign off on this and look through the links she passed along (The Harry Benjamin SOC which someone here already generously provided a link to a little while ago and a link to Arkansas TG support :-D)
Oh, on the college thing, Liz, you hit my concern squarely on the head there. The thought of sharing a dorm/apartment with 2-4 guys kind of creeps me the hell out. I've shared a room with a guy twice in my life, and both experiences were awkward at best :-P
Love and hugs,
~Zoe
PS: Kimmie, I hope you enjoy(ed) your vacation! :-D
PPS: Expect the next chapter of Robin "soonish". I'm still working out scene order and how far along I want to move the story, but it picks up where I left off, or a day or so later. :-)
PPPS: I'm behind on my PMs, but I'll try and get to those later today :-D
PPPPS: Okay, signing off now! ^_^
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Mary?
Not Mary Oliver, lol?
Dorms
The Univerisity I plan on attending tries to pair you up with people in your own major & put you all together on the same floor & the dorm I visited there were only two people to a room. I know your fears hun I have them too three years three long years...:((
Love Samantha Renee Heart
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Good luck
Zoe I wish you luck hun I really do. Wish I could help you out but i'm financhinaly straped too :(
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Love Samantha Renee Heart