I know, I just posted one blog, and now I'm posting another! But this one is quite different, so I thought it best to keep it separate. I had the strangest dream the other night. I was online visiting the sites of transgender fiction authors in my dream. I had come to a site that updates regularly (It wasn't any real site, but it reminded me of Maddy's site), and there was no update. I was surprised, so I looked into it and found out the author was dead, murdered! Another author who posted on that site who, in my dream, was another favorite, was also murdered! I went to another site, and found the same thing. Then I woke up, crying. I cried for quite a while, and then finally fell back to sleep.

I was afraid to go online the next day because I was worried it would turn out to be real, but thankfully it wasn't. I don't dream often (at least that I remember), and nightmares as I think this qualifies as, are especially rare. But what was strangest to me was my reaction. It's not that it's not something to cry about, it certainly should be! I think most people come to care about the authors of their favorite stories to some extent, so it would be natural to be upset. And the fact they were other transgendered authors like myself that were murdered (the feeling I got from the dream was that they were killed because they were transgendered), would make it a little more personal than otherwise, too. But I've never cried over someone dying before, not even relatives. Admittedly, some of those were before I transitioned and I kept things in more back then, but some were afterward.

None of my relatives that have died were ones I was particularly close to, but you'd still think I'd cry at least a little! Except for my grandmother; I never felt comfortable around her, hated her for a while, and finally settled for (I think mutual) dislike. But my other grandparents I always got along well with and liked, even though we didn't interact a whole lot. But I never cried when they died, nor my uncle. Maybe I'm just loosening up more, or maybe it was because it was a dream? I don't know, I just find it a bit confusing, I guess.

Well, that's enough rambling from me!

Saless