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Abandon all seriousness, All ye who enter here! (look below!)
Arrr! Today be September th' 19th! ( International Talk Like A Pirate Day! )
Here be th' lyricals t' th' Theme Song, by Cap'n Smitty!
Most days are like all of the others,
Go to work, come back home, watch TV,
But, brother, if I had me druthers,
I'd chuck it and head out to sea,
For I dream of the skull and the crossbones,
I dream of the great day to come,
When I dump the mundane for the Old Spanish Main
And trade me computer for rum! ARRR!
T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's 'Talk Like A Pirate' Day!
When laptops are benches God gave us fer wenches,
And a sail ain't a low price ta pay!
When timbers are shivered and lillies are livered
And every last buckle is swashed,
We'll abandon our cars for a shipfull of ARRRs
And pound back the grog till we're sloshed! Yo ho....
[[[RRRRRRRR *squawk* RRRRRRR *squawk-whistle* RRRRRRRR
Cap'n: Whatcha doin' thar, lad?
Bucky: I need fixin's fer me salad, Cap'n!
Cap'n: No, lad, no... carrot shavings. CARROT.
Bucky: Ah, but I be on Atkins!]]]
Don't pick up yer phone and say "Hello,
Our ten-o-clock meeting's delayed",
Ye scrunch up yer face and ye bellow,
'AVAST! Ye've been bleedin' BELAYED!'
[[[Cap'n: Whatcha doin' NOW, lad?
Bucky: I'm grillin' a fillet o' salmon w' a hunk o' cedar,
Whot's it look like?
Cap'n: Ye canna do that in a Japanese stir-fryer, ye bilge rat!
Bucky: Whot? Ye never 'eard o' WOKKIN' TH' PLANK?]]]
Ye can't keep this fun to yerself, I bet,
So sing 'Aye! ARRR! Ayy!' every man!
We ain't got much grasp of the alphabet,
But a damn good retirement plan!
T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's 'Talk Like A Pirate' Day!
Whatever's in fashion is in for a thrashin'
And bein' polite is passe!
When it's ev'ry man's duty to grab his proud beauty
And let out a hearty YO HO!
And if this offends you, hold y'r breath as we sends you
Ta Davy Jones' Locker ya go! Yo ho....
[[[Bucky: Whar be Davy Jones' Locker, Cap'n?
Cap'n: Right offa MONKEE Island! Arrrr!]]]
We'll tell every banker 'Heave to and weigh anchor!'
Buy latte with pieces-of-eight
We'll fight to be chosen as cap'n or bosun
The loser, o' course, is worst mate!
When we hoist Jolly Roger, the landlubbers dodge 'er,
We fill 'em with loathing and fear,
We'll plunder and pillage each city and village,
(Or at least clean out Wal-Mart of beer!)
There ain't no computin' or morning commutin',
No 'Parking Lot Full' signs for me,
No lawns ta be mowin' or bills to be owin',
I'm knowin' the pull of the sea.
The fresh salty brace of the wind on my face
Through hurricane, sunshine or squalls,
I'm keepin' my eyes on the distant horizon,
Verizon can hold all my calls!
To wear a red coat full o' buckles,
To earn a few duelling scars,
Well, at least we can get a few chuckles
By filling the office with ARRRs!
And maybe we'll never get closer,
Than watchin' 'em on the big screen,
So here's to old Errol and Depp as Jack Sparrow,
And every damn one in between!
T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's 'Talk Like A Pirate' Day!
That time in September when sea dogs remember
That grown-ups still know how ta play!
When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy
And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,
Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we're all swabs
And buccaneers all till we die!
So hoist up the mainsils and shut down your brain cells,
They only would get in the way,
Avast there, me hearty, we're havin' a party,
It's 'Talk... Like... A Pirate' Day!
An' if'n ye Sea Dogs be wantin' t' hears it yerself, use yer meeses an' righ'-click on th' button here: [button] an' savit t' yer 'puter. Or, jes' lissin t' th' masterwerk righ' here
ARRR!
Edeyn Hannah Blackeney
Comments
Chanty
OHMYGOD! IS TODAY THE NINETEENTH???
Wouldn't ye know it? Mine is clear across town.
PIRATE JENNY (mine, not the one from the Kurt Weill musical)
is a rather unconvincing t.v. in high pirate boots, silk corset,
a ton of blue eyeshadow & Marie Antoinette wig. With a cutlass.
Here are the first three verses from memory:
I'm Pirate Jenny n' this is me cat!
(insipid falsetto cat chorus: Meow Meow Kitty-kitty Meow Meow!)
I got hair down me throat like Arafat!
(Meow Meow Kitty-Kitty Meow!)
She got four wooden legs and two patched eyes,
(Meow Meow Kitty-Kitty Meow Meow!)
But she kin catch a rat three times her size!
(Meow Meow Kitty-Kitty Meow!)
We'll steal yer purse and make ye walk the plank,
(Meow Meow etc., just assume the chorus continues after each line)
Then go into town in an Abrams tank!
Where we plunder, pillage, burn and steal,
Then drive thru McDonalds for a Happy Meal.
Let's sing a song about the pirate's life,
with snaredrum, fiddle, horn and fife!
We drink Captain Morgan by the keg,
While me kitty dance the hornpipe on her chopstick legs...
.
Well, my kitty (who is perfectly able bodied, BTW) liked it anyway
(Named Gojira, she looks just like the one in the hatbox on this page!)
I'll have the rest for you next year, hopefully.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!
Happy TLP-Day, me hearties!
---Laika
The Potato says:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/o4jTclx61Tc
Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
Really enjoyed the blog. Was very humorous to read
May Your Light Forever Shine
Illustration
Funny enough, I just found this today and was saving it for the next person who said "pirate". Little did I know that today was Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/09/12/arrr-wheres-me-grog...
'Tis also me mum's birthday. Arr!
She's 83. :)
In honor of the day we sailed out to a nearby island and plundered three nice dresses apiece. :) Arr!
- Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
Plundering
I always wanted to be a pirate, but always got confused on when to plunder and when to pillage, so they kicked me out. Arrr. (I also wasn't sure how to spell Arr.)
But still, avast and lay to on the 'larb'ard beam, me matie, and Hippo Birdday to ye Mum, Erin.
Know what they call a dishonest pirate? (answer below)
Joy;Jan
{a pirate - duh}
SO YOUR THE ONE!!!
that stole my booty, AVAST mt hearty's, The game is afoot. We set sail To Plunder and Pillage in the name of GOD & COUNTRY again.
THE PRIVATEER[HA! HA!]
May Your Light Forever Shine
no sense of humor...
Today I tried to start the annual tradition of INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PERVERT DAY,
which I hoped would become as hallowed an institution as Talk Like a Pirate Day.
And what thanks did I get? My pretrial hearing is Oct. 13th.
Wish me luck...
Laika
The Potato says:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/o4jTclx61Tc
Go figure
Gee, can't imagine why people don't think perverts are funny.
;)
Laika, Guest Reader,
What is this about a trial on being a pervert and why are perverts funny? In my book, perverts abuse kids and women. heck, I might need to rethink what a pervert means to me now
May Your Light Forever Shine
Sorry...
There is no trial, was no arrest. I didn't talk like a pervert.
What I imagined in this deadpan gag was some kind of Peter Lorre imitation
with rude leering comments, maybe some kind of ludicrous fetish costume...
Obnoxious, sure (the humor being in the idea that someone would be dumb
enough to try to create a holiday about this, due to the similarity between the 2 words);
but in my mind it had nothing to do with rapists or molesters or abusers.
They're monsters, not funny at all, and I didn't think that this would
immediately leap to mind when I said pervert, since for them I usually
reserve a much stronger term, like sick f*****g animal. The word pervert
has several different gradients of meaning, and is often used in an ironic
self-mocking way by HARMLESS fetishists who are classed as "paraphiles"
and such by the mental health establishment. What I meant was more something
along those lines, in the same way that Talk Like A Pirate Day has NOTHING
to do with the evil, murderous reality of pirates. And yet far be it from
me to accuse anyone of being too sensitive about the matter. It is a
VERY sensitive topic, and I'm sorry for my lack of semantic clarity.
Yachters who have been robbed at sea (it still goes on off
the coast of South Asia) probably have big issues with
Pirate Day. And they would have every right to!
My apologies!
The Potato says:
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/o4jTclx61Tc
It's a joke!!!
Stop apologizing for trying to make people happy, Laika. Explain if you want but don't feel you must apologize. I know there are people that feel compelled to make everyone happy; the fools. It can't be done. And now I feel compelled to cheer you up! How about a joke:
Last night in bed my lover turned to me and said, "Golly, you are such a pervert." I didn't get mad or scream or anything. I just climbed down and said, "Wow, that's a very big word for someone the day after their eighteenth birthday." (Feel free to replace the age with something younger but be careful, be very careful.)
OK, that is about sickness; but it is a joke! I don't really do it (not even with eighteen year olds; I think the mornings would ruin the nights (not that it is an issue that often.).) and do not condone such behavior. It is just a joke, OK? It this starts some big long thing about what is and is not PC or censorship or other such, I am very, very sorry.
Geez
Ack..I'm like...
...so over pirates ya know. Next time I see Keef I'm gonna tell him ta grow up and go get anuver transfusion or somefin... and as for that Johnny Depp guy..well yeah he''s cute but sheeesh. I liked him much better as the gypsy in Chocolat, better movie too.
Errol Flynn was better so there. Oh and there was that Fairbanks guy... well, one of them...
Besides, you're all a day late... or maybe I'm gettin' ahead of meself.... whatevuh.
Kristina
Laika, I Must Apologise
I have dealt with the abusers way too often. In fact, I have given solace to a child that was hurt. Her Mother trusted me that much. Now, that child is happy and healthy because she knows that there are decent men out there. Heck, I acted as the father of the bride in her wedding last year.
May Your Light Forever Shine