Christmas was Jimmy’s least favorite holiday. Last Christmas, his parent’s had been killed in an auto accident, and this one wasn’t shaping up to be much better. His beloved grandfather was in the hospital, and Grandma Hazel had taken time to explain that Papa Max was very old, and it might be time to go home to heaven. Everyone else in class was happily getting ready for the school play, or decorating the class for the holiday season.

Jimmy just wanted to get his work done and go home. What was he supposed to celebrate? God had taken his Mommy and Daddy, and now he was taking Papa Max. Oooh, let’s all dance and sing! Jimmy‘s heart was broken, again. Some holiday.

He rode the bus home, and got off at his driveway, He ran in to find his grandmother, hoping that they could go to visit Papa Max at least one more time. He found her crying in the living room, and he knew.

“Noooo! Papa!”

“Jimmy? Oh, my lamb, it will be okay! It was his time, sweetie.” She tried to comfort him, but she couldn’t stop her own tears. Max had been a wonderful husband and friend. She had to try to be strong for Jimmy, but it was true that she still hadn’t recovered from losing her baby, Jimmy’s father Alex. It was an awful thing to outlive your child. Losing them both, and both times so close to Christmas. It was so hard.

Eventually they both just seemed to run out of tears. Jimmy wanted to try to make her feel better, so he went into the kitchen and made her a cup of coffee, just like Papa Max always had. Hazel knew what he was doing, and it made her smile, then it made her cry to know that he thought he had to be the man of the house. He wasn’t even ten years old yet. His parents would have been so proud of him.

She worried about him so much! Hazel knew that she wasn’t getting any younger. Having Alex at that age had been a miracle, and a complete surprise. When he had married Andrea, she’d had such high hopes. They seemed to have everything. Good jobs, a beautiful home in a friendly neighborhood, and then the horror of the accident. It had been such a sad Christmas, and she had hoped to provide some happier memories this year. This was a complete disaster, and she knew it would be terrible for Jimmy.

He’d had such a hard time at church last year, and he had blamed Jesus for taking his parents. It would be worse this year, she knew. She wanted him to be a good, Christian boy, but he just didn’t trust God at all.

Hazel had been trying to reach his mother’s sister, but she worked on a cruise ship, and had no real home. Her whole life was partying, and she was hardly what Hazel could call responsible. How could she raise Jimmy when she could barely take care of herself? If anything happened to Hazel, Pam was his only living relative. It was very frightening.

They had a light dinner, as neither of them really felt hungry. Jimmy went to bed in silence. He wanted Papa Max to read him a story, but he knew he’d had the last of those. Grandma just didn’t do it right, and besides, he knew she felt as bad as he did. He curled up and cried himself to sleep.

As soon as he fell asleep, he felt like he was waking up. He knew it was a dream, but he had never had a dream like this. The light was bright, and there were voices all around him. At first, he didn’t recognize what they were saying, but it suddenly began to make sense.

“Let’s go, Jacob! We must tend the sheep!”

Jimmy felt as though he was looking out of Jacob’s eyes, but he had no control. Jacob went on with his life as though Jimmy wasn’t there, and when he lay down to sleep, Jimmy woke up! He yawned, and found that as tired as Jacob had been, Jimmy was completely refreshed. What a strange dream!

He dressed and got himself ready for school. The dream had been so strange that he found he could accept the idea of his Papa Max’s death without tears. He made a quick breakfast and headed off to school.

Hazel awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. Jimmy had become so responsible; he was truly a pleasure to be around. Oh, Max, she thought. You would be so proud of him.

Sometime around noon, she heard a knock at the door. An attractive young woman stood there, fidgeting nervously. It was obvious from the red around her eyes that she had been crying.

“Good day, can I help you?”

“Hi, are you Hazel Thomkins?”

“Yes, I am. What can I do for you?”

“My name is Pamela Avery, Andrea’s. . . sister, and I-”

“Oh, thank heavens! I have been trying to find you! Come in, please!”

She came in and they went to the front room.

“You need to understand that I just learned my sister and Alex had died. It came as a great shock to me. I understand now that your husband has recently passed as well?”

“Just yesterday, in fact,” The unwanted tears started again.

“Oh, I am so sorry!” She said, visibly upset. “I hadn’t realized!”

“It’s all right, dear. You couldn’t have known.”

“You must be quite important to this town!” The beautiful young woman said. “Several people have commented on it this morning.”

Hazel smiled. “We live in a small town, dear. Word spreads quickly here.”

“I apologize: You have my greatest sympathies. Is Jimmy okay?”

“He is upset, of course, and feels as though God has targeted him. I fear that this could scar him, permanently.”

“I can understand that.”

“May I call you Pam? I have been trying to reach you for so long, and I was so afraid that I would not find you in time. I am in poor health, and I feared that Jimmy would be left alone. You are, to the best of my knowledge, Jimmy’s last living relative. I fear I must ask you if you would be able to care for him, as I don’t know how much longer I really have.”

“No, I’m afraid that would be unacceptable. Jimmy needs his grandmother, and it would be a tragedy to take him away, especially at this time.”

Hazel seemed to collapse. How could she refuse this?
“
No, please, don’t misunderstand me, Hazel! I want to take care of both of you, for as long as I can, and I hope you can accept this. I don’t have a real home, as you probably know. I’ve traveled the world, trying to find my place in it. I’m independently wealthy, and I have no ties to anywhere or anyone, except Jimmy and you. I refuse to abandon you, for any reason.

Hazel, there are some things about me that you need to understand. I did not leave my family of my own free will. My parents cast me out as soon as I turned 18. They said they never wanted to see me again. Andrea had nothing to do with this, and I’m sure it upset her greatly. I’ve tried to show her that I was all right, sending her pictures of me in parties everywhere I go.

In truth, I’ve been miserable for so many years. Did Andrea ever tell you the truth about me?”

The truth? “No, she only showed me the pictures of you, and she envied you your carefree lifestyle.”

“Carefree? Perhaps I should have let her know what was really happening. Hazel, I was born Paul, not Pamela. I have tried to commit suicide several times, unable to deal with the loss of my family and the difficulties my struggles have caused me.

I underwent gender reassignment surgery in Thailand, and have tried to make what I could of a sad and lonely life. When I got your letters, I was waiting to set off again in search of something or someplace that I could call home. I have a small apartment in Miami, but it really is just a place to store what little I have.”

She shook with the tears. “Please, Hazel, let this be my home, let me take care of you and my nephew? I have been so lonely, for so long! I need you, you need me, and we both have to take care of Jimmy.“

Hazel looked at the attractive young woman. She had a hard time believing that the lovely young woman could have been a man, but she had known her parents. Andrea had always had a difficult relationship with them, and Hazel could believe that they would have treated their unusual son in such a manner. Her heart ached for the pain she could believe that he had gone through.

She held out her arms, and pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. Pam had been right-they truly needed each other. They talked for hours, and there were many more tears, especially whenever they spoke of Andrea. It was still hard for Pam to believe that her sister and husband were gone. She and her sister had been very close, and Pam deeply regretted the lost opportunities.

By the time Jimmy walked into the house, both ladies had regained their composure and were working on plans for the future. Jimmy had seen pictures of his Aunt, and recognized her immediately. He rushed into her arms and kissed her.

“Aunt Pam!”

“Oh, hello, Sport! It’s so good to meet you in person!”

“How long will you be here? Do you have to go back to your ship? Did you bring me anything?”

“I brought you me, my boy! Is that not enough?”

“Are you taking me away?” He asked with a tear, as he worked out the reason for her appearance. “I can’t leave grandma alone!”

“Jimmy, I promise, I will not take you away from here. I’m here to stay, and take care of both of you. How does that sound?”

“Really?” It was more than he could have dreamt. “Grandma?”

“Yes, Jimmy. We are going to be a family from now on.”

He was ecstatic. It was just too wonderful.

“Jimmy,” Aunt Pam said, as she sat down, holding his hand. “I am very happy to be here with you, but I need you to sit down with me.”

He could see the tear in her eye, and hear it in her voice, so he knew it was serious.

“As happy as we are, we still need to go to your grandfather’s funeral tomorrow. Can you handle it, love? I will be right beside you, just like your grandma. We won’t leave you alone, unless you want us to. I know you might want to say goodbye to Papa Max. I also want to stop and visit your Mommy and Daddy, to pay my respects, and I hope you will be strong for me. I really need to talk to them about you.”

Jimmy nodded, but there were tears in his eyes, too. He had not visited the graves since the funeral, but he thought that with Aunt Pam there, he might be able to do it.

He didn’t know that Pam was not sure she could do it, but she felt that she had to.

They had a good dinner, and Jimmy watched a movie curled up between his aunt and his grandma. He was very tired when Aunt Pam carried him to his room for the night. He fell asleep quickly, and once again, woke up as Jacob. They were to spend the night in the fields, guarding the sheep. Even to Jimmy, it was sleepy work, but Jacob did his best to watch for anything that would bother his sheep. When it happened, it was the last thing he could have expected.

The man was surrounded with light, turning the night into day, and he walked easily, standing quite a ways in the air. The shepherds were very afraid . . . what could it mean? When he spoke, everyone could hear him.

“Fear not! Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be unto all men! For unto you is born this day, in the city of David a savior, which is Christ, the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you will find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.”

All at once, from out of nowhere, a great horde appeared, singing the praises of God and shouting hallelujah. As the vision faded, some of the shepherds suggested they go down into the city of Bethlehem, to see if they would find this babe as the angel had said. Jacob and his grandfather were there when the Babe was found, and both Jacob and Jimmy were struck with wonder.

As Jimmy looked from behind Jacob’s eyes, he saw the baby look at him and he knew that the baby could see him. Not him, Jacob, but him, Jimmy! When the baby smiled him, he felt more love than he had never felt before. He knew that he would carry that love with him, forever.

He suddenly felt odd, and he awoke. Sitting in his bed, he spent the rest of the night, thinking.

He had coffee brewing when Pam and Hazel woke. The day would be hard, but they would get through it. Jimmy smiled. He knew Papa Max had joined that heavenly choir, and he knew that he was happy.

All was right in his world. It would soon be Christmas.