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I NEED YOUR HELP
What do I need your help for? I need you to proofread: Charisma chapter 1. I'm in the revision stage and I have a bunch of things I need to change about it, but I also need to see if there is anything I'm missing. For example, if I messed up a sentence to where it sounds like a five-year-old writing. Or, I'm missing information that would allow you to understand what I mean what I wrote. Or, there is just a shitty part of the story that you just don't like.
The current revision is 11, 817 words long. I know that's a lot, but really all you have to do is read it and give some constructive criticism. I'll probably be changing it even more while you're reading it. Anyway here's the link to the google document:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NAKweOnEYGd8hnqNy5871jpn...
Comment on it all you want. I use word for this, so it isn't a big deal.
Comments
Several Problems
I'll send a PM. (Odd, the first third or so was remarkably clean. A lot of mostly trivial problems with the rest.)
One overall issue: you seem to be switching from past to present tense frequently. I'm not really sure what you had in mind, but IMO, it's a really bad idea. The story's taking place in the past from the narrator/protagonist's POV, so I don't see why any of it should be present tense.
Best, Eric