by Jan S
PROLOGUE: Last spring these letters began showing up in my email. I thought the address had been typed wrong and sent a reply warning the writer, but it bounced back as undeliverable. I know that seems impossible, but the letters are here, and I think the web holds many weird gremlins.
Last night I decided that, perhaps, the universe brought them to me to show to others and, if you can get over your qualms about eavesdropping on strangers, some of you might find them interesting too.
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
I am doing some editing: correcting the homonym and spelling errors that I spot, adding and fixing some punctuation (which gives me trouble in my own writing), and trying to clear up some slang and some disjointed parts that gave me problems. However, I do want to leave them in thirteen-year-old-ese. Antecedents of pronouns get mumbled, and full stops seem to be endangered at times, but that is how they are written, and I hope that isn't too distracting.
I'll post them as I get them edited, hopefully every night or so, and I should be finished in about two weeks. One note: there are some events near the end of this batch that may bother some people, however, I promise this is not that kind of story and those incidents are only briefly mentioned a few more times and, hopefully, there will be other things of interest.
Before we start I must thank my friend, Daphne, for her advice on how to treat these letters.
All the rest is up to Sky.
>>Tuesday, Mar. 25th (evening)
Dear Marsha,
Hi, Marsh! I'm real happy you wrote Dad! And I'm glad you want to hear from me too. Why are you over being mad at us? Never mind. Dad said I shouldn't talk about her or any of that.
I am happy to talk to you even if I can't about that. I guess I kinda have missed you, Marsh. You know I never even knew you and Mike weren't Dad's kids. I guess I did, but I never thought about it at all, and now it's like you were never part of my family. I think Dad misses you a lot. He is a lot different - more willing to talk and stuff and wants to know about me, which is kinda a pain, but OK. I kind of think he always did, but our mother got in his way so much.
OK, sorry again! Really! Please don't get mad at me. I want you to write back!
So, you know I'm at another new school now, and this city is good. It is already warm enough to swim, but I can't until June because of the operation I had. But I go and watch people. There were two girls in the apartment complex that swam a lot, and we played tennis too. They have both those at this country club just across the street from the complex, and those girls' father belongs to it. Dad said he will try and join when we get a real house if it's close.
Yeah, so -- The apartment has three bedrooms -- so you could come visit maybe -- well maybe. And a balcony that you can see a mountain from if you look just right. But those girls don't really live here, they were just staying with the father over their spring break and went back home today.
My school just had three days at Easter. So far I haven't met people there because they gave me some test and tried to get my schedule right. So today was my first real day of classes anyway and nothing really happened.
I'm not going to try out for sports or anything - I can't 'cause of being sick, and my grades really suck. But there's a recreation center Dad wants me to look at so I'll meet peeps and stuff. Mostly though I just play "City of Heroes", and keep making superheroes and do their costumes. I suck at the game part so I make new ones all the time.
'K -- so, how is college? Do you like it? Are the classes real hard? Do you have a boy friend yet?? (You don't have to tell me, if you don't want too.)
And what about Michael? Does he like it or not? Is it weird not having him around for you for longer than camps, you know? I know, I know, you don't know what it's like to not have a twin; said that enough, but I meant in a regular way too.
Oh, BTW -- I got a job!! I mean it is just babysitting one time (remember I'm only 13, duh -- or did you even forget I had a birthday?). Do you think it's weird for a boy to be a babysitter? Well anyway, the lady doesn't, and I'm going to get thirty-five bucks!
So that's all, bye and write back whenever you want too, OK? Think I could have your phone number at college, maybe. I'm gonna get my own cell phone real soon. Dad said it would be a good idea.
Your brother,
J. S. Elliot (Sky)
P.S.: BTW, you and Mike can't call me Fats or even Pudge anymore. I lost more than thirty pounds since last summer and am really skinny now. Really. cya
P.P.S.: I play tennis now and don't suck as much as I used to. I guess not being fat helps.
P.P.P.S.: That really is the way you're supposed to do this. It means post-post-post script. So, this one is after the post-post script for three Ps. Did you know that?
P.P.P.P.S.: You can use the address on here to write back when you get around to it. I'll check on it everyday.
P.P.P.P.P.S.: I hope this wasn't too long - bye
P.P.P.P.P.P.S.: I hope you and Mike don't change your name back to what it used to be.
>>Thursday, March 27th (afternoon)
Dear Marsh,
Hi again. Yeah - if our mother gets all your phone bills it would be a bad idea to call and stuff. That's all right. OK?
It was great getting your letter today though. School really sucked. I never knew any of the answers to anything. I guess they are just way ahead of my old place or something, and I've missed a ton too. Dad drives me to school, but I take the bus home, and I hate it. But I might get used to it.
About the lady that gave me the job. I think she works with Dad or something. Anyway, the other day those girls I told you about and I went over to the swimming pool. And I couldn't swim because of my operation.
I didn't know you didn't know about all that, but I guess you wouldn't. Something came open in my stomach or guts or somewhere like that - it wasn't just my appendix, something else. So, yeah, I was in the hospital about over a week and out of school longer, and Dad had to get this creepy nurse to come in in the day for about a week before I went back to school. That was all at the end of January and in February too. But I feel good now and all but can't swim until the end of May - Dad told me not to play tennis for more than about ten minutes at a time too but, now those girls went back to their mother's house, I won't be doing that anyway probably. And no, I had lost most of the weight I lost before that. I just kinda stopped eating at all for a long time after Halloween last year, even before. And the doctors don't think that either one caused the other, but who knows? I have to be on a special diet for a long time too, and that really sux big time.
So, I was just sitting beside it and putting my legs in and talking, not swimming. And oh yeah, one of the girls knocked my shoes into the pool when she was getting out too - not a joke or something, just accident, and now I gotta buy new ones. And Dad says that it was because I was careless - so it's good I'm getting money for babysitting tomorrow. But I guess that's off the subject, huh? And he didn't say that 'til way later. Dad gets pre-turbed when I do that in writing stuff.
So the girl's father came outside when it was time to go, and this lady was with him. So after they said "hi" and all, the lady said that she was in trouble and needed a babysitter Friday night while she went to a meeting of the neighborhood committee or something, and could either of them do it (they're both older than me - eighth and eleventh grade, I think.). But they couldn't because they are going back to their real home tomorrow (Which was last Monday) (and that's across the country - so I won't see them anymore probably.).
Then we went to the lockers. I mean they did, I just walked though them to the other side and waited. (It felt weird and a half, because they have a door from the men's room blocked off to do work, and I had to go into the lady's locker -- I mean they do have a special path with like a big tarp thing marked off, but you know it's funny walking into the wrong door, and I ran to the other end.), and I had to borrow Becky's shoes (yucky, almost red crocs) - because they were getting a ride after they ate at the club place, and I was still walking.
Then, after Becky and Ann left, I started walking home and through the inside part, which is way shorter than going around, and it was lucky because Dad was in there sitting in the bar part, and the lady was with him, and she must work with him or something, because they knew each other already. Dad called, "Hey, Judey," (Like he still does some times just to bug me.), or I wouldn't have noticed.
So Dad tells me the lady's name is Ms. Younger (Younger then what IDK (hehe)). So then the lady says, "hi," too and asks about being new at school and all that stuff they do when they want to seem nice to kids and stuff. And she calls me Judey too, and I'm like: only Dad calls me that, and that sometimes it's Jude, but most people call me Jesse, because that is what my initials sound like, and that you and some people call me Sky which is from my middle name.
And she says I have lots of names, and Dad is like: At that age and looking for identity, yada-yada, -- and stuff like he can be sometimes.
And then the lady asked me if she can call me Sky, I think just to get Dad to stop analyzing like, and says that's a pretty name (yeah, well really.). Then she asked how old I am, and I say thirteen, and she yells, "Perfect. Do you have any experience babysitting?"
And I shook my head because not really, but Dad tells her that I watched those two boys down the street every afternoon last summer. I told the lady that was only after they got back from day camp, (I didn't say about going to the same day camp), and I just had to play soccer and stuff for a couple of hours, and they weren't really babies but were eight and ten.
She said that sounded like experience to her, and did I like it? Then she said her kids were older even, and she would only be ten minutes away and back by eleven thirty, and if I could nuke leftovers and tell them to go to bed, I had the job, and it would be thirty-five dollars for a little over five hours. So I decided to do it, and Dad made a dumb joke about getting paid for taxi service at midnight, but I could tell he didn't really mind.
So that is how I got the job already that you asked about. I just hope her two kids don't turn out to be real brats. Bobby and Chip were OK, but could be real pains sometimes after only two hours. I'll find out tomorrow though and write you about it if you want to hear.
I'm glad you got lots of friends and like college -- that sounds so neat to not have people bossing you all the time, and not having to go to class if you don't want, and it would be like spending the night with friends and eating out every night too. Isn't it??
Jim sounds nice, too. Do you think I will ever meet him? Does he know you have a dorky -- I mean fantastic -- little brother?
Oh, I might have at least one friend here, but who knows? Anyway, about halfway home on the bus today this one guy, a jock who lives over in the big houses, came over and sat with me because all his group had got off, and asked all about me and stuff. But I know that won't be my group if I ever get one. They're way to cool and stuff. I just hope I didn't say anything dumb he uses on me later.
This seems to have gotten real long again, but it's nice to have someone to talk to because of being new, so I hope you aren't bored S-less by all this, Mars.
Good luck on the test. Economics sounds real yuck!
Your brother,
JSE (Sky)
P.S.: You're sure boys babysitting isn't weird? Dad says not to worry about it. I think it might be, and hope no one finds out.
>>Friday, March 28th (afternoon)
Dear Marsha,
Hi, it's me again.
That guy I told you about on the bus yesterday was still friendly today. At least after everyone had left he was. He was in my gym class and was talking to the coach when I got there, but I only had to go to that long enough to show the teacher my doctor's note because I can't do it, and the nurse and he had to both see the note before I got the pass to study hall. On the bus we talked about how the gym teacher was a jerk. And he was, making jokes about me getting sick so others could hear. And Zack doesn't like him either, even though he's on the football team, and so he's one of his favorites.
I know he's just being nice because being nice to the new kid is something you're supposed to do, but I hope it last.
Anyway, it's almost time to go to my babysitting job. I hope the Younger kids are OK, and that I don't totally screw it up. The lady said her kids were older than Bobby and Chip -- the Younger kids are older -- I just thought of that! OK, don't moan so loud. But what if the kid is like twelve? He might be in my grade and be real PO-ed about his mom getting a sitter and all that. I mean I know some kids that had sitters when they were twelve. I guess I didn't because you just had to stay home, and I never thought about it.
OH well. I'm going to ride my bike over there - it's just past the golf course, maybe I said that already - but Dad is getting me because he doesn't want me riding that late.
Wish me Luck!
Your brother,
JSE (Sky)
P.S.: I don't know if you are really interested in hearing all of this stuff all the time or not. "The Fabulous Life of Jude the Incredible." It would be OK for you to say shut up and stop writing so much.
>>Saturday, March 29th (morning)
Dear Marsha,
Hi - So you don't think it was strange for a boy to baby-sit boys, but what about girls?! Cause that is what I did!
And I think I screwed up - BAD!!!! - and I'm probably going to get thrown in jail - or labeled a perv - or something, because of what happened.
Lisa wet her bed. And I helped her get changed. I don't know what else I could have done, she walked in, and it was about a quarter to twelve and her mom should have been home but wasn't. And I changed the bed and was in the bathroom when she washed up, and I saw her naked, at least where it counts. I didn't touch her -- well, held her hand and rubbed her back some, gave her a hug, you know, but that was it.
And she had just gotten back to sleep about three minutes before her mom walked in, and Dad was already in the drive because she had called him on her cell, so I didn't talk to her about it. And I didn't even think about it, because I was just helping, and it just seemed the right things to do at the time, but when I got into bed I started to worry. And Dad left for his office before I got up, and do you think I did right?? What do you think they will do to me???
I have to walk over there and get my bike, and I guess it will be best to talk to Ms. Younger. Maybe they won't be there; they had early soccer games today. But she will know by now and might already be talking to the police. What do you think'll happen, Marsh?? Ohhhhhhhh.
>>Saturday. March 29th (afternoon)
Hi Marsh,
I got a cell phone!!!
Dad took me up to the mall, and I bought some new shoes. (I got white ones with some blue at the toe and heal because Dad says they like it better if you wear white at the tennis court, and I've never seen a sign or anything but lots of peeps do, and I can't wear them to school because they have this real strict dress code anyway, even though it's not a private school or anything.)
Anyway here's my number (My very own one!!): ---/---,----, in case you're ever somewhere where you can call me! It's red and it has a mp3 in it, but not a camera. And it's a flip, not a slide one and doesn't have one of the keyboard things in it. But, so now I got to figure out how to load songs and stuff. But I can't do anything with it until it's charged overnight -Bummed! and more, right? So I've just been reading the book.
Oh - you remember the big comforter you used to have on your bed? With all the red, blue and green and white stripes? Would it be OK if I used it - just to borrow? Dad kept all your things, but he says they are yours and Mike's, and he is going to store them for you. And most of it is piled in the extra bedroom. (You have about twice what Mike has, BTW) Anyway, I didn't want to keep those old bunk beds when we moved (and I am using your or Mike's mattress - but not the headboards - I put those white bookcases there.). So now I need stuff for a bigger bed, and it's hard getting out to get stuff with all the settling in and things, and at Dad's office too. So do you mind?
OK, I'm going over to play tennis with those girls visiting their father I told you about.
Bye
Your favorite Bro ('cept maybe Michael),
Sky
P.S.: nvm; I g2g
>>Sunday. March 30th (morning)
Dear Marsh,
OK, I guess I did leave you hanging, huh? When I got over to their house, Ms. Younger and the kids were gone, and I decided to wait and was sure she would be furious. But then Wendy, that's the younger Younger (OK, got to get over laughing every time at that, don't I?), jumped out of the car and was real happy to see me, and then Ms Younger got out, and she smiled at me, and I felt tons and tons better right away!
She wasn't mad at all, and I was like, "Can we talk?" And she told the girls to go and get changed, and I asked her if I had done right with the whole thing. And she like apologized to me! And asked if I was grossed out and stuff, and said I had done real well and thanks for starting the wash right away and like all that.
So it was weird, huh? Not a villain but a hero?? And then Wendy came into the kitchen, and she was in the buff, really totally, and starts asking if she really has to take a bath. And her mom just talks to her like it's nothing, and they work out it was muddy at soccer, and she has a party, so yes, she must take a bath, but she can keep the braids I did for her last night. And then Lisa comes in, and at least she has underpants on but nothing else, and I'm just standing there while she talks to her mom about what to wear to this party, and griping too because it's her sister's friend really, and she is missing horseback riding lessons. (Oh and Wendy had put her nightie on in front of the TV last night too, but she's little and it didn't take her that long, and she was like she didn't want to miss the show; but probably more wanted to hear what Lisa and I were saying, and I had just looked the other way.)
Then Ms Younger says that since it is an all girl house they do that kind of thing, but if it bothers me she will tell the kid's not to in front of me. So, I guess, they are like those kids that lived next to Granma and Grandad that ran around in the garden hose without anything on, and that's why last night isn't a big deal to her. And it really just surprised me, you know, to see them do that.
So, I said it was OK, I didn't think they need to change the way they lived and told her about those kids, and that some of them were bigger than me, so a least Lisa's age back then, and so I was used to it. She asked if I ever did that with those kids, and I said I didn't like to even then, maybe because I was so fat, but I remembered when you and Michael did (hope you don't mind toooo much.). And we talked about loosing weight and stuff.
So that's how I'm not going to jail or anything at all. And I also got my second babysitting job because Wendy came out for some help with the strings on her top and got me to redo some braids, and it wound up I'm taking them to a movie tomorrow, because they had been promised, but their mom has to work because of the stuff that made her late last night.
So now I get to see "Horton Hears a Who". Oh Boy! But I'm going to get paid for it too!
Bye for now,
Sky
P.S.: Thnx for letting me use your comforter. I don't think there is too much else in there I could use. But I will look through the real old stuff for plain shorts and Ts. TY.
>>Sunday. March 30th (night)
Hi!
Oh -- how can I write so much all the time and leave stuff out too? Last night I just got real tired or I'd of said more, Marsh. So to take all of your questions in time order (which is what Dad tells me to do):
Part 1
Do you remember that kid, Ben - or Benny -, that used to be my friend, and then our mother got mad at us and wouldn't let me see him ever and even changed the car pool and stuff. That was way last year. OK, well after that we figured out how to chat on line - his brother helped us, and I didn't want you or Mike to get into trouble. So we would talk every night and that, and some other chatting, and from playing online games, is how I learned to type. (But when I lived without Dad, I didn't have a computer at all, and he went to a different school, and I guess we lost track of each other - I looked for him, but he's changed his addresses which were kinda kiddy-ish.) Dad says I hit all the wrong keys with all the wrong fingers, but I'll probably never be able to change now. I use my left hand almost only, because I have a mouse in the other one when playing games.
Part 2
Babysitting, first time: There were two of them, you all ready know that, but I got to stay in order - one, eleven (Lisa), and the other is nine (Wendy; the younger Younger :)) Did I use that already? They didn't think that was funny either.
It was a whole lot different from the stuff I did with Bobby and Chip last summer. I mean we didn't wrestle or run or stuff, and it was night too. And they didn't even fight me when I told them to go to bed and things either. Wendy already had her birthday and so is in third grade and really the same age as Chip.
Lisa is eleven and in sixth grade. And she did kind of mind having a babysitter, but I used the old line of me being Wendy's babysitter and not hers - we would just be friends like, and she went for it, and then she got upset when she found out that I was in seventh grade and only one year ahead of her too -- which I can see that -- but she knew that I was already thirteen, and her birthday is still almost three months away, and that there was nothing to do about it.
I think it was OK because I had you as a sister! Really. Because here is what we did: Right after dinner we baked cookies, and I wouldn't 'a known how to do that except for you. And then we watched a movie and talked about what great cooks we were and about the best cookies we had ever had and stuff.
Wendy started messing with my hair and said it was pretty and like that, and that she wished she had real curly hair like mine, and I set her right on that and told her that I used to have it cut lots shorter.
Oh, guess you don't know. I haven't had a hair cut since last summer almost -- that time you drove me, and then I had to go back, remember that -- I guess because of the other stuff going on, and because of something our mother did. But so, now it is grown out kinda wild and comes over my ears, or way passed my shoulders if you pull it.
And that got me to say I'd do something good for her hair, but after she was ready for bed (which got her to do that quicker.). I did about forty braided tress that reached down to her neck, and they had an old bead set that I put beads at the end of each braid, I didn't cornrow them, just started near her ears. She and Lisa were crazy about them though, and I had to do Lisa's too, but I just did a French braid, 'cause it is way too long to do the tresses thing to too -- to the middle of her back; it would have taken hours. See, it's because of you making me help with your hair (sitting on that stripped comforter in the old days) when I was little, that I could do that. So things went OK.
At least until bed time, but you know all about that, and it might have been all the milk Lisa had with the cookies that caused the problem. That and like the changes happening inside, and she's going to the doctor her mom said.
It really was OK (until I started to get worried after I had got home). They are funny kids and all too, and I guess they thought I was all right because they asked their mom to get me again later.
Is that enough info about all that? Oh - we watched "The Spy Kids, II"
Part 3
The Return of Becky and Ann: I thought they were gone too and live a long way away, but it turns out there's a suburb here named Springfield, and they live there, not the city that was near Grandad. They're W-1-3-5 kids (don't know if you called them that -- that's the weekends they're at their fathers, and Wednesday too), so even though this was their father's year for spring break, they were still back because it was the fifth weekend of the month. I ran into them getting here when Dad and I were leaving for the mall. I guess since all their friends and most of there stuff is at their other house they get bored here and don't mind hanging with me even though I'm younger.
Part 4
Jude's Babysitting Adventure, The Sequel: I was waiting in the parking lot at the appointed time. The vehicle approached from the south (I think) and stopped beside me, I got into the stated vehicle, and...
OK-OK, I'll stop. Nothing really big happened, Ms Younger handed me a ton of money to pay for everything, and was happy I got a cell because it would make meeting up after easy, and Lisa put my number into her mother's phone and called me from the backseat (My first phone call!!).
I was expecting to be real, real bored (and so was Lisa, and I had to tell her to stop running down having a baby sister and all.), but actually it was real, real funny, and even the grown-ups were laughing. You should see it with Jim. Really.
After it was over we were walking through the mall to the other end, because when I called her that was where Ms Younger was, in a coffee place, and I was holding Wendy's hand because Ms Y. told me to, and I saw that boy who talks to me on the bus, Zack. And he yelled, "Hi, Jesse." And luckily I got to say to the girls, "Don't call me Sky!" before he got over. So later I had to tell the girls all about the teacher that said my initials stood for "Just Smart Enough", because I got 95s but never 100s, and how it had stuck. And they got about my liking 'Sky', but that some people at school would use it on me too.
Zack was just hanging at the pin-ball place -- see I told you he was way too cool for me to be friends with. Dad won't let me hang at a mall yet.
Then we found their Mom, and they brought me home.
OK? Did I get everything? Tell me if I didn't. G2g to bed, school -- uggghhhh -- tomorrow.
Your sib,
Sky
>>Tues. April 1st (early morning)
GUESS WHAT!!!!
Dad won the lottery!!! REALLY -- a huge one -- like half a billion or something. And he found out he had actually adopted you and Michael, so now he's gonna get custody of you too!
Your (rich) Bro,
Sky
"...Marsh, I mean, I know lots of boys do babysit, but they don't brag about it. They would wear shirts that say "World's Best Lawn Mower," or something. Right?"
By Jan S
>>Wednesday, April 2nd (night)
Hi!!
That was all pretty lame, huh? But I couldn' say, "Hey, there's a bug on your shoulder," in an email, could I?
Yeah, I know you don't really need custody things now you're eighteen -- just didn't think of it. And I'm glad we're still half-sibs and family like you said, even if your mother isn't mine anymore. I know this is mushy and stuff but you, and Mike too -- sometimes kind of -- were real good big sibs, really. OK - 'nough of that.
My school really sucks big time - and is weird. But at least Zack didn't tell anyone I'm a babysitter yet, I don't think.
You and Jim doing OK? Do you make-out with him and stuff, Mar? Just wondering -- I know I shouldn't ask that stuff, so don't bother telling if you don't want. It's too bad you're too old to go and see "Horton". It really was funny. Maybe that's why teenagers have babies, so they can see the good kid's movies still. :-p Maybe not.
And I guess Wendy and Lisa liked me a ton as a babysitter. Because today when I was going into Dad's office, because I had to see a Doctor and it's in a different building but in the same place, so on those days I wait for Dad and ride home with him, I saw Ms. Younger and Wendy and Lisa in the lobby because Lisa had been to a doctor too. And I have another job this weekend because she is going to a play, and it's Shakespeare. I told her Dad is crazy about that stuff, and it turns out he is going with her (isn't that neat! But I think it's just going as friends or a group thing probably.) And it's going to be a real, real long time -- from before six until almost one at least, but Dad had already said that was OK.
Lisa was real happy about it, and she asked if I could just spend the night because it was so late. And it's weird because Ms Y. didn't think that was weird at all, even when Lisa said I'd sleep in her bed (But Wendy was jealous and so we're going to be using sleeping bags in the den). I didn't say I'd stay all night but said I'd like to babysit (I said "come over" so I'm not pushing it in Lisa's face like.), but that I'd have to talk to Dad about the over-night part. Dad said it was up to me though, but he'd say "no" if I ask him to, and I could say I want to use the guest room if I do do it too. I don't mind doing it, but you know it's real weird too, even if it is part of babysitting, and Lisa doesn't seem like a little kid to me, you know. So what do you think?
And here is the other weird thing, and it makes it even harder to say no to Lisa's whole plan: They said they had been going up to Dad's office because, when they were early for the Doctor's, they had found a present for me. And Ms Y said it was all their idea, and she had nothing to do with it, and they were even going to pay her for it. And what it is is a t-shirt that says, "World's Greatest Babysitter" on it. And it's like a real light blue - that they said was like my eyes - and it has the letters in real scroll-y letters, in red and yellow and sparkly. And they said if I wear it a lot I'll get lots more jobs, and I did act like I like it -- but, you know, Marsh, I mean, I know lots of boys do babysit, but they don't brag about it. They would wear shirts that say "World's Best Lawn Mower," or something. Right?
So it's a gag thing right? And they don't think I'm going to wear it - I have it on now, and it also has - not puffy, but real short sleeves that stick out too and is, you know, shaped, not like a regular t-shirt. They got 'a know only a girl oooo
You know Wendy wanted me to take her to the girl's room at the movie, and then Lisa asked if Zack was my boyfriend too, and I thought -- oohhh - they do shhhhhiii
No ---- I - Mar, ----- they can't, can they? nvm - I g2g -- is nine thirty to late to call her? g2g
>>Wednesday, April 2nd (night, about an hour later)
Hi. I didn't call her. I mean how do you ask someone if they think you're a girl or not? I just can't. I thought of asking Dad -- but it's way to embarrassing. I got to talk to her, don't I? What do you think?
And what if she doesn't! Then I'm even nuts-er, right?
I -- bye
Sky
>>Thursday, April 3rd (early afternoon)
OK, Marsh, I did call her at last. I did it during lunch from my cell, and I just said it right out in a voice mail. I just said it real fast, "Do you think I'm a girl, Ms Younger, because I'm not and don't know why you would think that," and asked her to call me, please, this afternoon, and then I thought someone, maybe the girls, would hear it too.
But I had to do it because even teachers had noticed how I was worried like, and then after I called I felt even worse and went to the nurse and got sent home, and Dad told them he'd send a taxi, and that that was OK. I called her from the cab, and she answered and had heard the message and was like: But your name is Judy. You went into the girl's locker with Becky and Ann. You were wearing pink shoes, and I was like: I can't talk, because I didn't want the driver to hear, you know, but that bugged her, and when I got out I said about it being Jude and only Dad adding the Y, which I had told her; and the door from the men's locker being being fixed and there being a pathway; and the shoes being only raspberry and borrowed. And she listened to me, at least, but was still mad and said she has to think about ... brb.
-- I know it's dumb to do that in a letter -- That was Ms Younger calling and she is on her way over here. I hope she doesn't hit me and stuff. She sounded better at least. Got to clean up the living room real quick.
Write soon, please, Marsh.
Sky
>Thursday. April 3rd (afternoon, almost two hours later)
Hi, Mar,
So she wasn't real mad at all but said how she was the one that made the mistake, but why had I let it go on. And I was like "I didn't know!" and that. And she looked at me real close, and asked if that had never happened before, and I said not really, but maybe sometimes when I was little by strangers at stores (because I remembered this one check-out lady), but it was because I was so fat. And she was like, "or people didn't because you were large."
And she asked how I felt about it, and I said embarrassed mostly, and don't know how they could go on so long. And she smiled at that - and then at me. And I was sitting on my knees on the couch and wanted to just shrink up to nothing when she looked at me.
So she said that she didn't know if I could keep being her babysitter, but that was only because of confusion, and that we both would see how it worked out. She was saying she didn't think anything was wrong with boys sitting, even with girls, but that she would never have hired one on purpose, probably, and didn't know if it would work now.
I told her how I hoped we could still be friends and stuff, and that she and Dad could too.
She was worried too that Wendy and, especially, Lisa would be mad at her for hiring a boy, and not believe she didn't know. Then she asked -- and she was real nice about it and all -- if I would mind babysitting once more still, and not to tell the girls anything about it, because she didn't want to ruin all their plans for Saturday, because they were looking forward to it so much.
Yeah - I was all "Uuuggh," too.
She says only if I want to, and I said how I don't want to trick them. And she says, "Then don't, Sky, just do what you have been doing. Don't tell them you are a girl, but you don't have to tell them you're not either. OK."
"But," I said, "what about seeing them without clothes already and maybe again."
And she took a deep breath, and she said, "You told me you were used to it. I realize now why that was so odd to you, but it was a boy who said he was used to it. If that's really true, then it isn't a problem for me and won't be for them either. They skinny dip in the back yard, Sky, and sometimes some boys join them, but boys that are used to what they are seeing. So is it true?"
And I said, "Yeah, of course." And that's true. I wasn't thinking about other stuff either, I mean they're just kids.
So, now I'm spending that night with some girls that think I'm a girl -- is my life totally weird or what? Do you think this is OK? I still feel like it is lying - a little bit anyway.
So, OK, talk about something else ---How's Jim? How's Econ? How are you?
I know you're all busy, but write when you get the chance. I am so "I don't know," you know?
Love ya lots,
Sky
>Friday, April 4th (afternoon)
Hi, Marsha,
It's kind of OK. I mean I guess I'm happy you don't know what I should do too, you know; it means it is too weird. Yeah, I'm not going to wear make-up or do anything to try to fool them at all, but still now I have to think about what I would have done. I don't know if I would have gone ahead and worn that shirt tomorrow, but I think I would have really.
And I should tell Dad, and I almost did last night and this morning too. But I just can't. He made me stay home from school today because of getting sick yesterday, though I know I'm better, but I couldn't tell him why I was sick, could I?
OK so, I didn't realize in college it took forever to get test back. I hate teachers that do that. And you're really writing a paper on "Beauty and the Beast"? In college? How come? You should just go see "Horton" and say it's for research then.
It's weird that you have so little money. Our mother seemed real rich last fall, and she bought that house and said she wanted to travel all the time now. That was one of the reasons she was going to send me off to school and all. I think that Granma and Granpa did have lots, and that was what she was waiting for as much as for you two getting out of school.
OK - the ground rules. But it just seems weird, is all.
Um -- OK -- so while I'm stuck home and not all that sick I've been looking though your old boxes -- I really could use some new clothes because of all the weight I've lost. I mean Dad's got some for me, but it's like enough but not plenty, you know? And I've found some but they have to be really old to fit me, (looks like you saved everything! But Mike didn't save anything hardly -- guess he wore them out or something.) (And when you were my height you waist was bigger than mine. Ha Ha.). But some shorts work. I got a pair of white ones that only have a little blue on the pockets (they kind of match my new shoes.), and some denim ones that just have some stitching on the pocket that I could wear, and some red ones too. And there are some old gym shorts, you know, just plain ones with bands at the waist. I had to try on bunches of stuff to find what would work. But you said I could have whatever, and this is all the oldest stuff, and I did a lot of organizing too, not making it all worse.
And so, no, I don't remember the time when I was six you asked about. What happened? I do remember when our mother threw out all my stuffed animals, and Dad got real mad and said I could keep just one, and she didn't like the one I picked and cut the skirt off it, and it feel in two. But that was older. And I don't remember if something got her mad besides Dad (and just me.).
And I'm sorry about Jim, that was a creepy thing, but maybe he will be sorry, you think? But you're so cute and nice! It's his loss; you know that! It'll be OK, Mars. Don't be sad, OK?
Oh - it wasn't the stomach doctor I saw on Wednesday, another one. I only see the stomach guy about once a month now, and I don't keep the diet as good as they want me to, or as I tell them I do, but it's not showing up in the test at least, and things are doing good in that.
OK, I got to ride the city bus to get to see someone, so laters.
And don't be too worried about Jim, 'K? Something good'll happen.
Love and all like that,
Sky
>>Saturday, April 5th (afternoon)
Hi
Really, you didn't know about Granpaw? You did know he was her granpaw really, right? Not ours. He told me once when I was still little that he had bought some land way in the wilderness a long time ago and had sold it for a lot after the suburbs reached it. I don't know how much it was, but maybe that was the reason she was ever nice to him, because she knew. It was just one of his stories with a moral (about saving or something).
But yeah, they did have a big fight right after Granma died, but that wasn't about money, that was about me. When we were visiting, and you and Mike had gone somewhere (you could drive already), we were watching TV, and I started dancing to some music, and she grabbed me and slapped me real hard and screamed, and he got mad at her and told her not to. Remember we left real suddenly the next day.
And yeah, she had lots of catalogues and stuff about boarding schools, and I think I'd have started in January if I had been hers.
But I'm not supposed to talk about that with you, so can we talk about something else? OK?
OK. Yeah, I do see how "Beauty and the Beast" "mixes up standard gender rolls" and stuff. Belle is the hero, right? And rescues the man. I think it's neat you can learn that in college. Is that the main thing you're studying? It does show how people's minds work usually, like you said. I can get that. So neat.
And I'm mixing up usual gender roles too, huh? Hehe - do peeps study things like what's happening to me ever?
So tonight is the ordeal. Like you said, just be me is all Ms Younger said for me to do - so no problem. I'm going to wear that shirt they gave me and some blue jean shorts. You know I don't want to be like trying to look like a girl, but not too much like 'can't be a girl' either, and I think about what to wear more than ever. Since Dad is going with Ms Y, I don't have to ride my bike, and no one will see anyway.
Tell you how weird it gets tomorrow.
You doing better?
Love ya' - really, Marsh,
Sky
P.S. You know what? I sorta can't wait, and I sorta don't want this to ever happen. That's truly weird times twelve, huh?
"...and mostly we ignored the movie, and Lisa whispered jokes about Zack, and I denied them, and she told me about two boys that she likes: a cute one and a nice one, and I said go for nice -- unless he's totally gross. (Right answer for a girl?)"
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
I really don't want to talk about her, Mars. OK?
I'm glad Jim was acting nicer; guess it will take awhile like you said. Yeah, Lit. and folklore don't sound like good careers. Wouldn't it be nice if learning about neat stuff could? You don't really think you want to be a librarian, do you really? I mean sitting around and just showing people where books are? But whatever. (Ya' don't look like one either!!)
Things went mostly OK last night, really. Mostly it was real nice, and fun. You said you wanted to know everything that happened, so this will be long, OK?
First, I taught them how to make Killer-Grilled-CheeZe sandwiches, with lots of butter and lots of grated cheese, (I didn't use any Worcestershire sauce or onion because they were like "yuck", and I guess they got to work up to that. And I told them about Dad's Welsh Rabbit, but they thought I was making that up, especially the beer part.). And that's what we had for dinner, (I made them both eat some green beans too -- I felt like a hypocrite and a half.).
And then we had lots of day light left, and Wendy wanted to go swimming, and I wouldn't let them. I told them I couldn't for two months, and because they might hit their head, and I couldn't save them, and we would have to ask their mom first anyway and all like that. And that was the first time I'd ever had to really say 'No' to them, and they were actually kind of surprised I did that but got over it, and we went outside to ride their scooters and kicked the ball around their front yard. I played goalie most of the time, and they could shoot hard, as hard as Chip and Bobby at least.
OK, here's the only bad part; two bad parts. First, Zack, that boy from the bus (remember?), came by on his bike, and he saw me before I saw him. And you know I was wearing that shirt. But he stops and starts talking to me, like regular. And Lisa and Wendy remembered not to call me Sky. He asked why I hadn't been on the bus lately. And I told him they gave me the shirt, but he acts like it's no big deal, and even says he wishes he could get a job like that and get some easy money. But you know, I hope the shirt wasn't too girly and stuff. -- Marsh, do you think I act like a girl or something? I mean -- I don't know what.
Well anyway, after he leaves, they -- Lisa mostly -- are saying he has a crush on me and stuff but, you know, he knows I'm a boy, not like them. He knows I was almost in his gym class and has seen me in the shirt with buttons and the slacks that I have to wear to school here.
OK, then the second bad thing; tell me if I did right. We were going to watch "High School Musical", and Wendy went in and got a cup of juice. As soon as the disc was in I sat down on the couch, and Wendy started to climb into my lap and spilt the juice all over my shorts, and it was real sticky, so I had to do something. So I go in the bathroom, and Lisa says I can borrow something, and she brings me a yellow skirt!! It's one of those ruffly ones, you know, at the bottom like a sewn on strip, and short too, Marsh. I yelled through the door and asked if she has some shorts instead, and she says none that would fit me, and I say how about just sweat pants or gym stuff, and she says they don't change in her grade. So I can't figure out what I should do, at all. I mean I think: ~OK, if they thought I was a boy, I could go hide in the laundry room or maybe just wear a towel or something, and hiding wouldn't be so good for a babysitter.~
But they don't think I'm a boy, and their mother doesn't want them to yet. So, the skirt isn't a lot different from a towel really, and so I put it on. And after awhile I got used to it. It was hard because we were sitting stretched out or on the floor, and they did see that I had on boxers, but I said, "They're comfortable, especially when in a skirt." And that worked OK because, I guess, lots of girls wear boxers, at least at my old school they did anyway sometimes, and those didn't have the slot at the front either, which was good. And there was only a tiny spot where the juice had got through the pocket onto them, which was real, real lucky, or I'd 'a been wearing panties too, I guess.
So then we watched the movie, and both of them take dance classes -- both at the Rec Center and at a place that sounds real serious -- and they taught me how to do the dances for all of it. And I got worn out by the end.
Then they wanted to paint their finger nails, and I let them, (at least I didn't have to jump around and stuff if they did that.), and they insisted on doing mine too, and I let them. We painted every nail in the house, I mean finger and toe nail, a different colors. I mean, they only had about seven colors that were from goodie bags at parties, but no two on any hand or foot matched, and the colors all had sparkles in them too. And they giggled like crazy for some reason while they did it.
Then we did a second movie, "The Princess Diaries", but I tell them to get ready for bed before we started it, and I'll make popcorn, so they will change quick, but they both came out without a thing on and carrying their PJs. And I tell them they should get dressed before they eat hot popcorn, but they plop down in front of the TV like that and say they do it all the time. So I just sit down and let them. Then they say I got to get ready for bed too, and I'm like "no - babysitter's privilege", but they wouldn't go for it, and started pulling off my shirt until I said they were going to ruin it, and it was their present.
By then they had it up near my shoulders, and Wendy said, "Sky, your titties are almost the size of Lisa's." And I thought the jig was up, you know.
But Lisa says, "Shut up! Don't say things like that, Wend. People's grow at different times and speeds. And Sky is real skinny." (I don't think I'm really that yet.) I took my shirt off the rest of the way and went to the bathroom to change. (The thing is that when I lost all that weight the last of it stayed on my chest, you know? So, at least for last night, that was a good thing, huh?)
I wore a pair of old scrubs that I've cut short and a huge t-shirt that covers the shorts to sleep in. I thought that would work because you used to wear that stuff. Anyway, they didn't say anything about it, and they had their nighties on when I got back.
We had worked out that Wendy had to lie down on the sleeping bags at ten, and had to try to sleep at ten-thirty, and I told her that I would tell her a story at ten-thirty too. I had planed out "Tippy Tippy Toe Toe Noso Rimbo...." -- I had to make up the rest of the name. Do you remember telling me that story? The whole name? I didn't get a chance to use it though because she was asleep before then.
Lisa didn't have a bed time, and we watched the whole second movie and started the sequel but with the sound real low because of Wendy. I took the polish off my hands (like I'm gonna let Dad see that), and I told Lisa it was because I couldn't wear it to school, but she was disappointed I did. Her school allows it, but I said mine said, "No make-up," which it does.
Then we both spread out on the sleeping bags, and mostly we ignored the movie, and Lisa whispered jokes about Zack, and I denied them, and she told me about two boys that she likes: a cute one and a nice one, and I said go for nice -- unless he's totally gross. (Right answer for a girl?) I don' know when we went to sleep but not very far into the third movie, because I can't even remember it.
So, I slept all the way to the next morning and don't remember any of that. And after doing that, I woke up in the morning. :)
And Wendy and Lisa and their Mom were already all in the kitchen, and Wendy was begging to go to the country club for the breakfast buffet, and her mom was saying no, and already had out sausage and pancake stuff.
As soon as they had finished saying good-morning Wendy said, "But Sky could just borrow one of Lisa's dresses, really. We haven't been for a long time."
But Ms Y. just sort of ignored her, of course, and reminded her that she had homework to do and a play date with some friends later anyway.
Wendy said, "A 'play-date'! Geez, Mama."
And Ms Y. said, "Excuse me - an appointment to engage in shared amusements." Which I though was real funny anyway. And that changed the subject.
So right after breakfast, before I'd gotten dressed, Dad shows up to get me, and I was helping to clean up (yeah, well being a guest and getting paid and all) but stop and go put on my clothes. So, when I come back Lisa has already asked him if I could come to the club and play tennis with her this afternoon, which we had talked about last night too, and he says, "Well, Jude really needs to get that mop cut, and I have a hard time finding time to get it done."
But Ms Y says, "You won't find a good place on Sunday, Dave. I can take Sky to the place I take the girls tomorrow afternoon. They need to go too."
And I'm like: "What!!" Because I know she knows I'm a boy and think I'm going to a beauty shop.
But she adds to me, "It's not a fancy place, Sky. It specializes in children's hair -- and young teens, like you too -- both boys and girls."
But I told her I had to see a doctor then, but she says, "even better," and wants to take me on Tuesday because she has to go near there while the girls are at dance. And Dad finally agrees so I can't argue.
Then Dad and I left, and so I'm playing tennis in just a while with Lisa (And Wendy is mad because she won't be there, I think.), and "getting my hair done" on Tuesday.
You know, Dad asked if I minded spending so much time with them, but I don't. They're OK.
OK, for tennis I'm going to wear those white with blue shorts of yours that I told you I found and a white polo, also one of your old ones, but you said that was OK, right?
So this was tons and tons long, but you said you wanted to hear all about it, and I like 'talking' to you. :) Really.
I'll leave you alone for a while after all this. No more letters today. Promise.
Bye and love,
Your sib, Sky
>>Sunday, April 6th (evening)
Oh, Gaw, Marsh.
You're not going to believe this -- they know!! And Lisa tried to black mail Me! But I think it's OK, I don't know -- not OK -- weird.
I went to the tennis courts and all and, but they were real crowded and, you know, when I play really I just bat the ball around, but there were lots of grown-ups playing real games, so after about ten minutes on the court I'm kind of embarrassed about being watched, and I think Lisa was the same way. And she says we should go and get something to drink, and we take them over to the grass behind the courts, and as soon as we sit down she says, "So, how much you getting paid for today?"
And she sounded weird too all the sudden. I say, "Nothing. This isn't a job. I wanted to do this with you because we're friends."
And she says, "Yeah. So how long are you going to go on with all this, huh?"
And I was all: "HUH!" but my throat kind of closed up.
And she says, "Sky -- Jesse, we know your a boy."
And I say, "Oh, how long?" But hardly anything came out I think, but something must 'av, because she answered.
"Forever!" She said. Then said, "I suspected because I thought I'd seen you waiting for the bus, in boy's school clothes. Then at the movie, when we went to the restroom, and you said you were getting drinks, Wendy wanted to change her drink and thought she saw you going into the boy's. But we still weren't sure, and Wendy sat on you lap in the movie to see if she could feel anything but couldn't..."
She smirked at that, and I don't know if I was madder or embarrassed-er.
"...but then you were talking to that big snot, Zack Philips, about getting out of gym, and even Wendy knows boys and girls aren't in the same gym classes."
"I'll just quit sitting, Lisa, if you want me to," I said, and, "I thought you and Wendy thought I was a good babysitter and liked me. I'm a real idiot!"
"Oh," she says, "You can keep doing it. But you won't be the boss and, if you don't give us half, I'm going to tell everyone that you pretend to be a girl. Starting with Zack Phillips."
"I don't pretend to be a girl!" I said.
"Oh, like boys wear skirts and paint there finger nails, and wear baby-blue shirts with sequins and all the stuff you did."
So I was scared, Marsh, but even more I was just feeling terrible. I mumbled, "I was trying to do stuff you and Wendy would like."
And Lisa got even meaner. She said, "Oh, after tricking us and our Mom that way you're going to cry."
I said, "Lisa, I didn't think you were like this at all! Good job of pretending by you too!! I didn't ever tell you I was a girl! I didn't know any of you thought that until after you gave me that shirt -- and you knew it would be hard for me not to wear it, didn't you?"
And Lisa was quiet, and I was thinking and think I did that good.
I said, "So, girl, the shirt and all of last night was just fake. To see what I would do, huh? But I tricked you!? And you're really planning on telling all your friends and everyone things you did to see what I would do. And that you have to have a babysitter at all. I was in sixth grade and know that everyone does, but they all deny it. And, Lisa, there is another secret too! Are you going to explain why I helped you change you sheets? Or what the padding around your middle last night was for?"
And she gulped and said, "You wouldn't tell that! You promised!"
And I laughed and said, "Actually, what I said was, 'No friend would ever tell about that about a friend.' But we aren't friends, are we?" (and that is what I had said too. Lucky, huh?)
So then she's crying, and I said, "So - see what it feels like. But don't worry, Lisa, I won't tell people until you start and then no one will believe me. I don't think I could do that to you even then, really."
And I start to stand up, and she grabs my arm and says, "No, Sky, I'm sorry. I just didn't know what to think and stuff and sometimes I forgot about it and... Please."
And I'm not sure to believe her or whatever, but I sit, and she said, "I wish I hadn't said anything and, if someone has to sit me, I want it to be you. And when I saw that shirt I wanted to get it for you because it's true. Really - you should see lots of 'em, - and then realized it would be a test like. -- But if you had just told us."
So I tell her again how I didn't realize, and that then I didn't because I didn't want to embarrass her and stuff. Then she hugs me! I mean like a good friend hug.
I said we should just tell her Mom, and how Ms Y. might already know too. But she is like: "No Way!" and sure her Mom would go ballistic and everything, and I can't really argue though I know she wouldn't so much.
So Lisa wants me to keep (and I tell her it would be 'start') pretending to be a girl when I go over, and I'm like I don't want to lie, and she is like it will just be not telling, and besides if her Mom finds out she knew she will be in trouble, and so I try to talk her into telling her Mom and say not telling longer will make it worst, but she says at least another week, and she and Wendy will talk about how I'm a tom-boy and then be surprised later.
And Marsh, it was like we were still friends after that. Because I saw Becky and Ann, they were there because it's first weekend (which is always right after 5th, and I had forgot), and we played doubles, and it's not as bad four people screwing around hogging a court as two, right? And we were like all laughing and stuff, and it's only when we got apart that I wondered if she is really sorry and OK. You know?
But -- so that is where we are -- or I am. Ms Y. knows but doesn't want to tell the kids because they will be angry at her. The kids know but don't want to tell their mom because she will be mad at them. Real nuts, no?
Do you think that I'm not lying because I don't tell them what the other knows?? Is it sort of their secrets now, so I don't have to tell at all?? I don't know -- Gaw, how could this happen? They all must be really dumb to have ever thought I was a girl anyway, right?
But they are nice, I mean were, and I think really are, but that kind of scares me, but I can see that they would be surprised and mad too.
I hope they're nice; I don't want to lose them as friends, 'cuz I don't got many. Even Ms Y. is, you know? But this can only get worse -- it's like a Nick-at-Night show (one of those really old sit-com things), only those were always about keeping a dog or getting a bad grade, not about being a girl!
Speaking of grades - school sux (have I said that before? :-P ) and I should go do homework -- I guess it might distract me.
Glad I got you to tell this to (I mean can you see me tell Dad? Even though he is easier to talk to now -- I mean really!)
With a Lota Love, Marsh
Sky
P.S.: Hey, Marsh, you want to meet up in a chat room somewhere some time? I know you won't do IMing because you're so OC when studying, but we could do a chat thing, huh?
"And if I was a girl, I would think it was real cute and nice, and really, really want to wear it, probably, you know, but I'm not though."
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
>>Wednesday, April 9th (night)
Really? You missed my letters? I thought for sure I was boring you for sure by now.
Nothing much has happened here really, yeah I got my hair cut at that place with Ms Y, and the girls got me another present too, another top. They are really -- doing something -- I don't know. It's getting too embarrassing and confusing to talk about, I guess. I got to figure it out.
Mar, I can't -- You know what I mean -- I just wish I knew what to do, but I feel... oh - nvm.
School is weird still, but only with teachers -- worse than ever. I think something is going to happen there. But at least the kids are leaving me alone -- it's like it's so close to the end of school they don't even want to know me enough to hassle me.
Doesn't look like I'm babysitting at all this weekend, so I won't get to see Lisa or Wendy either. I'll get to be my yeecky self for awhile.
bye,
Sky
OK. It's OK you want to hear all about it. Really, Marsh. I'm kind of like not feeling like talking sort of. But maybe it will make sense to you. And I think that Ms Younger thinks like that it isn't a problem for me and is going to keep going on with it too. Ugghhh
I'll talk to Dad about getting a digital camera and sending you some pictures of the skinny me (and my beautiful locks too). But it takes a lot longer to get 'puter stuff done now that you and Michael aren't around. I'm not good at it like you, even if I am lots geekier overall.
OK, but details and in order. The hair cut thing was no big deal. It was a shop set up for kid's, with toys in the waiting part and cartoons on the walls, but there was a girl bigger than me in there and a little boy too, and their was this one barber that Ms Y. knew and wanted to wait for. And he was real gushy but nice too.
So he asked me if I call my hair blond or red, and I said sometimes one and sometimes the other, or strawberry blond sometimes, and he said it was a just a bit too red to officially be strawberry blond, but I could say it was, and I should take better care of it. Then he ask me what I wanted to do to it, and I said make it look less crazy but keep it long enough to cover the scar on my neck too. And he looked at the scar but didn't ask about it, and said he could do that and would make it a bit less curly and very nice.
And then -- no barber ever did this to me before -- he washed it. And he did it about four times, and then he took forever cutting it, like he was doing each hair one at a time or something. But I really like how it looks now, I guess, you know. It doesn't look like a blond afro from the hippy times, and he said he did it to have two looks if I want. I can part it if I want, but that has to be in the middle or just push it around and it comes on my forehead a bit. It looks good. I'm supposed to wash it almost every single day too, according to him, and I got three different kinds of stuff to use on it and one makes it less curly.
But on the ride back -- well actually before we started, because Ms Y wanted to talk to me when not driving -- I got the top that Lisa had got me. And I already knew about it, and I knew it was going to be strange, because Lisa sent me an email Monday night telling me, and she said I needed to be real happy about it so her mother wouldn't know I was a boy, and that any "girl with eyes my color and called Sky would have lots of stuff that color already."
But I was still surprised, Marsh. It is sky blue, I guess. You know a light, bright blue. But it has a tit place. You know?
I mean it's all bunched up right there and pulled down right in the middle of it and, I guess it isn't for people with real boobs because the pockets there aren't big, but just for girls, but then it's tight across my chest and makes it look like I got something there anyway, and it doesn't have shoulders but just strings to hold it up, and that part is bright yellow with checks of the blue, and below the tight part it flares out and is pleated and even doesn't come together at the back except for two buttons that are between my shoulder blades, and I can hardly reach them. And the blue part is real shiny and slippery and pretty. And if I was a girl, I would think it was real cute and nice, and really, really want to wear it, probably, you know, but I'm not a girl though.
And as soon as I open the bag, Ms Y says, "I know, Sky, but they really liked it for you."
And I said, "But I thought I wasn't supposed to tell them I was a girl, and wearing this would be trying to fool them (if they really thought I was a girl -- but of course I didn't say that part.).
Ms Y. sighed real, real deep and said, "I have been thinking about that, Sky. When we tell them you are a boy -- soon -- just say you didn't want to embarrass them by telling them sooner, and wore it to be nice and to avoid telling them they were so mistaken." (Which was stuff I had said to Lisa on Sunday already and was true too about the other stuff we were talking about then. But WHY would Lisa buy this?)
Then Ms Y. said was her fault again, because she saw and was looking at it, and even thinking how pretty it would look on me. Yeah, well, that's what she said. And that is when Lisa noticed it.
I asked her if she couldn't have said it cost too much because she already pays me and doesn't need to buy me presents every time too. But Ms Y said that it had been in a sale bin and very cheep, and her daughters had stacks of gift cards from relatives that they didn't know what to do with, and she really had a hard time telling them not to be generous until it got out of hand, which it didn't very often, and that she was afraid her kids were rich brats.
So I told her they were not, but were really nice. (True - all but one time, right?) And she smiled and said that was good to hear, and I was really nice too.
Then she went back to talking about the shirt and said I really should wear it the next time I see them, but she didn't have any plans coming up, and I shrugged.
And then she started the car and said she wondered how much I minded doing it, and I was like: "Huh!!" You know.
And she shrugged and said, "I'm not accusing you of something, Sky, just wondering. I'm not usually there when you are with the kids." (And I smiled, you know, because that's why you get a babysitter, right?) And she smiled and said at breakfast Sunday, I looked pretty happy being one of the girls, and that I cook cookies and watch movies that are 'chic flicks' or the kid version with them. And that that wasn't even counting things like wearing skirts and painting nails and knowing "The Hannah Montana" theme song (yeah, OK, but sometimes there aren't a lot of choices on TV.). And she knew about all of that already. Then she said, "You have fun doing that, don't you?"
I just told her I just didn't know what else to do besides wear the skirt after the spill, because I couldn't just hide, and I didn't know what I would have done if they knew I was a boy, and doing that other stuff is OK. And that I'm just trying to find things they would like to do or say yes when they ask for something if I can, and all like that.
And she smiled and said, "You know, Sky, many people think you show power and strength by saying 'No'. But I think you show it by finding ways to say 'yes'. That's why I spoil my kids; I like the power. So I like your answer a lot."
Ans I've been thinking about that, Marsh, and think she's right, I mean 'yes' is hard and 'no' is easy, right? But it's a weird to think like that, isn't it. And besides, sometimes finding ways to say 'yes' a lot just means you get pushed around all the time. Right?
Anyway, we didn't say much else until she said, "Think about whether you really mind being thought of as a girl, or if you are only scared of being found out." And she didn't say that until she was in the apartment parking lot, and she said she had to hurry to not be late, so I couldn't say anything back.
So I guess I won't see them at all this weekend.
OK, that's everything I think.
Oh Zack asked me if I wanted to go bike riding tomorrow after school, but I can't. It would be nice a lot to get one friend in there at school, or around here.
Are you back with Jim, or have you found someone new? Just wondering.
Love ya, Marsh.
Sky
P.S.: Mars, don't ever, ever say something about this stuff to our mother. I guess you know that already of course, right? But just, please, really super don't!!
>>Saturday, April 12th (noon)
HI, Big Bro!!!
Good to hear from you, Mike. Guess Marsha gave you the address, huh? Has she told you other stuff?
Sounds like you guys got hosed big, all right. I haven't been following the tourney at all this year, or even hoops at all. Guess I've been busy with moving and things. I'm stuck home today and will probably wind up watching some later.
I think Dad would like to hear from you too, you know?
Yeah, we still have all you stuff here. Well, some of the big stuff is in a storage place, but most of it's here. Dad didn't throw out anything, I promise -- I helped with the packing. If you don't want to talk to him, I'll find stuff and send it to you. No prob.
So long, Bro. (you called me that. Do you think we are really still, Mike?)
Jude
>>Saturday, April 12th (evening)
Hi, Marsh,
I'm only writing because you didn't like it when I didn't for two days before. Nothing big this time.
I just spent the whole day playing CoH. When Daddy finds out he will probably do his "You're a turnip" spiel, won't he? But I got a toon all the way to level 17, my highest ever by almost twice.
Zack is a real good scrapper, and he gave me a million influence and told people I was his girl friend, and that's why he always got the first bubbles, and we got on a good team and got raptor packs and zero g-packs both now too.
You and Jim doing OK again?
Does Michael have any rich old toons, you think? He wrote me BTW.
I think I'm going to hit the books real hard tonight and tomorrow. Friday I was sent to the study hall by four teachers to do work from earlier in the books. They said, "study hall," but it was in the detention room. Before that they had put me at the back of the room with work in some classes.
Dad wanted us to go fishing this weekend but something happened, and he has to be at the dialysis center all today and tomorrow, he wasn't supposed to have to do that so much anymore. Oh well. They have trout streams around here, and he said he's going to teach me to fly fish, just as soon as he learns how.
W/ a lota love and stuff,
Sky
P.S.: I guess you have been real busy with your papers and stuff, or other things, huh?
>>Sunday, April 13th (night)
Hi, Marsh,
It's OK. I don't think you need to write all the time. I know I get real, real chatty.
I thought you played that game some more than that though. Influence is what they call the money the heroes get. Zack's brother has some fifties and gave him a bunch of it. 'Toon' is what people call their avatars because they are like comic book heroes. C?
No, Zack and I had planed to meet up online. I called him to see if he wanted to go bike riding (someone was ragging me and telling me that I should work harder to get to know peeps and stuff, so I did it. And it worked out some.), but he was in trouble, I think for fighting with his brother or something, and couldn't, and we talked and got around to CoH, and got together to team up. OK?
And no he wasn't teasing me by saying, "girl friend", that was just because my character was a girl. The superheroes I had already built on the server he was on were girls. 'Bubbles' is what force fields are called, and I was an FF defender. Now you know all about CoH. Oh, he's a katana-regen scrapper -- I bet you don't care. We did it some more today, but not long, only a couple of hours, because of parental grief -- his.
I've just been reading Terry Pratchett stuff and watching movies since. I got "Princess Diaries, II" from the vid store, because I didn't see much of it the other night and, you're right, not nearly as good as the first, but I liked it OK. And Daddy finally got back about six and said he had found out about a good sushi place. It wasn't as bad as most places around here, but wasn't as good as back home and is a long ways and cost a bunch too; so weekly sushi nights won't be happening here, I guess.
Oh, you asked. The scar on my neck was an accident thing that happened right after Halloween last year. It's nothing. I don't want to go way into it. OK?
Haven't heard form the Youngers at all, no.
Mike hasn't written back either.
Bye, Sis. Hearts!
Sky
P.S.: Mar, I'm using some of the small things you kept in your room, and I know you said it was OK, but some might still be important to you, so I wanted to tell you. I'll take care of them.
>>Monday, April 14th (Late Afternoon)
Mar,
I got kicked out of school, Mars.
Well mostly. They moved me to all remedial classes. Really. And I got this real fat letter to give to Dad. Is he going to kill me? Oh, he's been real good lately, but still!!
And he has been so busy at his office and having to go to the dialysis place so much. I had to ride the bus from downtown because he had to work late even tonight. And when he gets home -- WAM from me.
You know, it's just -- I think the people I'm in with are like the dyslexic and learning problem kids, and remember Greg, down the street, he was in that group but was real, real smart if he didn't have to read. So it doesn't mean I'm real stupid, right? I know that.
But Marsh, I can read real good. I just finished the latest Pratchett in three days and all, and that's a teenager book -- at least, right? Not a kid's. And I read more than almost most people. And when we were reading Jasper Fforde's book, I had to explain about the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat,, because I read so much and you hadn't even read Alice -- you weren't just pretending so I'd feel smart, were you?
Even though it was just introduction day today I could tell it's not going to be right, you know?
I'm going to go fix something good for Daddy's dinner. Think that will help??
Hug me, Marsh!
Love,
sky
Marsha, do you know who St. Jude is? If you do, do you think I got that name because she knew even before I was born?
>>Monday, April 14th (late night)
Hello Marsh,
I got your note and thanks and all.
Daddy wasn't real mad at me at all. I handed him the letter when he walked in and made him look at it right away. (I made him some strawberry turnovers, but the short cut ones with canned croissants, because this maid that comes in had already cooked for us. Just baked chicken breast, asparagus, and pasta.) He didn't say anything right after reading the letter, and it was a real quite dinner, but we talked about this TV show we watch together sometimes. Then when I brought in the turnovers he started to laugh, sort of, and he grabbed me and gave me a giant hug. (Which was weird, and especially because he was laughing. He's done that, OK? But only when things were real sad, before. And he wasn't.)
And we talked about it, and he is probably right - it's because of all the school I've missed and changing three times in a year (even though one of those was back to where I started). We counted up, and I've missed over eight weeks, not counting the times it was only one or two days like last week and when I had to go to the court or something. So he is going to try to talk to the school as soon as possible and see what the deal is.
Anyway, I can't get to sleep, Mars. So I looked for your letter. And thanks. I'm happy you think I'm a genius, even though it does prove you're not and are insane. :-P
Oh - Mars, Oh, Daddy just came in because he saw my light on. I told him I was writing to you, and he said hurry and finish, and then he put his arm around me and kissed my head on top. He's made me some chamomile tea in the kitchen, and I'm supposed to go drink it and then ride an imaginary down elevator (he ever teach you that for getting to sleep?)
But Marsh, I'm --- nvm, I should hurry and get the tea.
I hope I can always write to you Marsh!
Love and hugs!
Sky
>>Tuesday, April 15 (afternoon)
Hi,
So it was my first real day in dummy class. OK, that's just mean and stuff, but you know. Some of the kids were fine, and they were nicer than regular kids too, but it was weird. We all have carrels and then people have lessons in the middle of the room sometimes. And we spent the whole morning in one room and the whole afternoon in another, so it was like back in primary again almost. And I never really got called to the middle part, but told to finish all these work sheets, and then I just sat and read in the cubicle and, Marsh, it is like the teachers in there know I don't belong there and don't want me there either.
Daddy's going to call though. I hope it's fixed real soon.
And now I don't even ride the regular school bus either. It's like we're contagious and can't get mixed in with real people. I come home on a little bus, and they have a special boss person on it besides the driver. At least I only do that twice a week, and it's quicker so maybe no one'll ever see.
Saturday I went to the Rec center and signed up for some classes. And now I got to go to the first ones today. And I really don't feel like it. There'll be real kids from my old classes there, and they'll all know I'm stupid now.
I didn't even get to see Zack at all today, because of those dumb busses too.
You think Daddy will be able to get things changed?
hugs, sky
>>Tuesday, April 15th (night)
OK, Marsh, back again. OK, I'll tell you about the rec classes today if you really want to know. Daddy is in the kitchen working on stuff - the taxes I guess -(there's this little room off I entry that'll be his study, but his desk and stuff aren't set up, so I can't even watch TV while he's busy). We couldn't talk much at dinner because he said he had to get busy (and I hope he's not mad at me, or sad about something, but maybe he just needed to get busy like he said, right?) He can't meet with the school people until Friday, so I'm stuck until then. And I know he isn't mad at me about that, I think, because he said that.
Anyway, those classes were OK. I mean, you know, it was weird showing up, and they started three weeks ago, and I was worried about not knowing anyone, and peeps knowing to much about me and all, but the teachers didn't know I was stupid at least, and since they are for fun classes they weren't mean most of the time.
And I did know peeps too. Lisa is in my first class, which is pottery, and as soon as I walked in she yelled out, "Hey, Sky," real loud like. And before I can say anything she tells all her friends that I'm her new friend and tells me all their names, and it was about ten or a hundred so I don't remember them, and I wind up sitting with Lisa, instead of at the table where all the boys are sitting, (there were only six boys to maybe 12 girls.)
And because of all the others being around I only got to whisper about why she got me that top, and she couldn't really answer but sort of squeaked, "I forgot. Really." A pretty dumb answer, huh? But she did look embarrassed or sorry maybe. So we were working on our projects, which are fruit bowls, but are going to have to be for grapes and raspberries only because they're really small (maybe lemons, if I can get the clay thin enough), and we aren't using a wheel just hand shaping them, and the others are just starting on them too because it is the second project. (They made trivets like leaves first.)
And our table was so noisy that I thought the teachers wanted to tell us to shut up even though it's not school, and she did say "hush" a couple of times, but she stayed nice.
The girls at the table were real nice to me anyway, even being new, and I think that one of the girls at the next table is -- was in my Math class, but she talked to me now too. When that class was over, most of the girls including some of the ones at the next table that were older, had the Rock Dancing class, which must be real popular, and I walked with them, and we kept talking the whole time they got ready until they had to warm up, but I had the origami class next. (I wanted to do fencing because I don't think that would be strenuous (Do you?), but Daddy said no.)
So guess what next? Zack is in the origami class with me, and so I know someone there too. But his table was all full, but we did get to talk some. And except the first time he called me 'Bubbles', he was OK. And then he told his friends it was because I was a force field defender in CoH, and so it was cool, and they thought I was cool because I play that a lot. I knew stuff about some of the power sets they didn't even, and they didn't know that was because I build lots of guys and don't play them very long. And guess what else, Zack is also in my Fly Fishing class I'm going to take on Thursday (I'm going to teach Daddy how to do it. :-) ) (Emotes always turn out weird when at end of stuff in parentheses; hope you can see that one. Does the nose help?)
I learned how to make a box that doesn't open. Well it's a start.
So I had wanted to do computer or computer animation class, but those were crowded, and photography is on Wednesday or Friday when I can't go. So the class I'm doing before Fishing is Cooking, and I guess that will be OK, because we got this lady that comes in twice a week and cleans and makes us dinner those nights, but the rest of the nights we got to cook or eat out. Daddy's not too bad, and we got books like "The Bachelor's Cookbook" and "Quick & Good", but it'd be better to know more. I just hope I'm not the only boy in it, you know.
So, yeah, you were right and, I guess, so was that lady that told me I should do it. Because I didn't think about the school thing and stuff for a little while while doing that, like you said. (But then it ended, and I did again until telling about it. I'm only going to talk about good stuff for the rest of my life! OK?)
Daddy just told me to go bed right away. I think he's just cross, maybe because of doing taxes - it's been a big problem because of the accountant being so far away, and he said he was going to get an extension, but he's still been working on it a lot - but it might be something else because he doesn't tell me when to do that that much, but I g2g.
Love ya' a lot,
Sky (really I do, Mars!)
"My life isn't so much back to normal after all, because even though everybody knows, and everybody knows everybody knows, I still wound up doing something totally weird this morning."
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
Marsha!!
Oh, Gawd, Mars!! My weird life just got worse again. I was getting back to the apartment and those two girls that visit their father saw me, Marsh! In that top from Lisa!
I went to dinner with them, and when I was getting out of the car just now Becky and Ann were coming out of the building to go. And Wendy had rolled down her window and kept yelling bye and stuff, and Lisa waved out the other side too, and I waved back, and they did it until the car got on the road, and I didn't even look around, because no one's in the front parking lot at night, but it's Wednesday, and when I looked around there they were on the walk.
I put on my hoodie real fast, but they were almost all the way up to the curb.
And Becky yelled, "Hey, Jesse. Long time no see!"
And I zipped up the hoodie real quick, and said, "Hey! Yeah, Father's House Friends, ya' know." And try to be like there is nothing special, but I knew they had seen me before I got the hoodie on, and from the back that top from Lisa is as much only girl as from the front.
Becky smiled real big and just walked up and pulled my zipper down, and then said, "Wow! That's a great top, Jesse."
And I don't answer, I just stammer some and pull the hoodie shut, and Becky says, "Don't be like that. Let us see," and tried to pull it apart.
Ann said, "Stop it, Becky! Jesse, it's all right really. We know you're a really sweet kid already. OK? Don't show us if you don't want to. But if you need someone to talk to, you can talk to us. We will be your friends, if you want us to, Jes. Really, I mean it."
And then Becky said, "Yeah, sorry. Look, we're back this weekend. What you doing?"
I said nothing so far, and she said, "Come down to Daddy's Sat. morning if you want. OK. We will talk."
I said, probably mumbled, "'K. If nothing comes up from my parental or whatever. Maybe."
Then Ann says, "We need to go, or our female parental unit will be worried because I haven't been driving very long. Come real early, about ten thirty or so, OK? And our father will be playing golf, so Sky or Jesse can come. OK? -- Really, trust us or try to. And Jesse, if you haven't told your father, you should unless you're pretty sure he will go ballistic. And if he does -- run to our Daddy's place for a while, he will try to help."
They said other stuff, that's not every word but that whole last talk was pretty right. So, Oh, Marsh, that all means they think I do this lots and want too!?!? Because that's why I should tell, and why Daddy would freak, right?
There was tons of stuff I wanted to ask you and tell you about tonight, about the earlier stuff when I was wearing that top, and the Youngers, but don't know if I can now.
So, Marsh, what? Now more people know about this thing!! But they didn't freak or start laughing fits. Do they sound OK? They aren't the only people that saw me in that top, but I see them a lot - they knew me before. But, well, Mars, do you think they might have thought I was a girl too, at first?
Because Ms Y asked me -- well, stuff about the way I do things.
Daddy had to go to the Dialysis center again tonight, and he's not back yet. Do you think I should tell him?
Ms Y said it would be just once more, and she would tell the girls she knows, and Lisa said they were going to tell their Mom after the next time too, she promised. And promised no more presents too.
So, I was thinking maybe the whole thing would be done, and now those other girls know. But I can just explain, right?
Ohhh boy. I always screw it up!! Huh?
Bye and Love ya',
Sky
>>Wednesday, April 16th (night, about two hours later)
Daddy's still not home.
I've just been reading and stuff. (Being in the stupid classes means no homework at least.) And anyway, I'm not going to tell him about things tonight because he has all that about school and stuff, and the taxes and things lately.
But, Marsh, there's something else, and -- I don't know -- I like Ms Y, really -- I mean for someone's mom and all, she is OK -- but I've been thinking about something she said today and, Mars, I think it is weird for her to say it to me.
OK, she came to pick me up here. (I had to take a taxi back from the doctor's to get here in time.) So I had put on that top, you know, and I got some of your old shorts too, some red denim ones, and when she got here she told me to change the shorts and that I didn't have to wear the top thing if I didn't want, but we were suppose to hurry, you know, and I just got a pair of your old shorts, or pants, on -- the kind that are below the knee ones, but not to anywhere near the ankle?
But when I asked her why I had had to change, because I thought, being tight and shorter, they looked more like a girl than what I had on, but also something a boy might wear more than the other ones. She said (and she really said this Marsh! Just like this.), "Honey, you're box is a bit to big for those shorts."
And it took me a second to figure it out, but then I gulped real loud (I heard it loud anyway, maybe she did.), and I hid my head on my leg (because that was when I was tying my shoe), and she whispered "bulges." And I nodded fast, and wished she would shut up. And she said, "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Sky. There are ways to make it less noticeable."
Really Marsh. It's weird enough saying it to you, but with a grown up!
Mars, she had said before that that I was too old and too young to be comfortable talking about it with her -- you know, she knew it was a weird subject and all. But Marsha, do you think she might be weird or something that she looks there and then talks about it to me? Or what?
And more and more people are going to know, maybe?
I don't know. blhhhhhhhhhhhfff
Bye; Loves, Sis,
Sky
P.S.: But listen -- one thing that's kinda good from tonight -- something, maybe silly, but maybe you won't think so. I got a happy meal and they had real old prizes, leftovers, so random what you'd get, and I got Belle! And Wendy didn't get why I'd liked it because it just stood there, and I told them about the gender roles stuff and being a girl hero and all. So now she's going to stand by my 'puter full time, and since you did that paper I thought I'd tell you. I don't know why getting that kind of makes me happy even with stuff.
>>Thursday, April 17th (early evening)
Hi, Marsh
I'm trying to do what you said with Ann and Becky, and just wait and see what they do. They were not like freaked or laughing really. That's what I thought would happen. I don't know something to blackmail them back with like with Lisa when she was weird. So wait. OK, that's what I'll do, and see Saturday.
I'm going to call Ms Y. after dinner and tell her we need to talk and all, like you said too.
OK, I just got back from the rec center, and it was OK, except some things Zack did.
I said he was in my fly fishing class, right? There are only eight kids in it, but Zack had a partner already. So I had this little kid, who was nice anyway, but really bad at it. Fact: I'm better than the whole class because we aren't really trying to do fly fishing yet and keep the line whipping around and stuff, but just casting at a hula-hoop, and I guess I've done that more than those guys at our old cabin.
But anyway, after the class Zack and I got to talk, and his partner dude who was on the bus when I rode it, was like: "Why are you taking cooking? Ugghh. That's So Gay!!!" So I had to tell him about having to eat what I made sometimes, and it was just a good thing to know, and he couldn't really answer that, but was still like only: "Well, whatever."
And then Zack is even saying things about the origami class, and he is only taking it because he got kicked out of dodge ball the second day and doesn't want his mom to find out. And he was saying other stuff too.
And I asked Zack if we could meet in Paragon City, but he's going to play CoV or WoW, and had lots to do offline this weekend.
But then when I was riding home I passed him waiting for his mom, and he called and asked if I wanted to hang at his house. I was like no -- busy (I don't know doing what), but still. Weird?
So, well. Oh, BTW, Daddy's thinking about selling the old cabin because we're way out here, and he can't sell the house because of the market and things. He doesn't want to because it was his Dad's forever and all that though. I hope we can keep it. Don't you? He's trying to find out about renting it more.
And I was the only boy, in the cooking class, as suspected, but nobody acted like they cared there. I didn't know any of the kids there, or think any even went to my school, but they were friendly and we made macaroons, all from scratch, we even had to grate the coconut and my table's were the very best! That's because I made everyone stir the batter extra, and everyone else was in a huge hurry to get theirs in the oven. Next week we're going to make a pie.
So, I'd hoped we would be learning about making sauces, you know, or Coq Au Vin like, fancy stuff (what is that? - sounds neat, huh?), or lasagna, maybe, and things, but it's going to be mostly baking, which I've done with you lots. But still it is fun, so I'm going to keep going.
Look I g2g, but I still want to ask you about stuff from yesterday, so laters tonight. 'K? Daddy's going to be home tonight, finally. There's this tuna noodle thing in "Quick & Easy" we like, I'm gonna make. And Macaroons for dessert too that I brought home.
Whole Lotta,
Sky.
>>Thursday, April 17th (night)
Marsha!
Daddy is so nice! I don't know how you could have got all mad at him -- OK, not about that.
But anyway, tonight he brought me a frog. It's really just kind of dumpy and globby and stuff, but funny and cute. He said it was for me starting to become a champion fly fisher, and not getting to go fishing last time, and he had wanted a fish, but nobody sells stuffed fish -- 'cept the fish market, and those are way smelly - and who would want to hug a fish anyway. Then he said, "Humm, but who would want to hug a frog? Well they are famous for getting lots of kisses, so tastes must vary."
And I asked him if he wasn't mad at me and he said no. It had just been about business stuff and things. And he thought I had just meant mad about school too. But I asked him about what I had had on last Monday. But he said (just like this, Marsh!), "What? Why would that upset me, Judey? You're my kid, and what you wear won't upset me, ever! -- well, if you were wearing rags or a barrel, I'd be very upset, unless it was just because it was a new fashion. And I'd appreciate it if you would stay decent." Just exactly that.
And I think I never told you, but on Monday, remember the day I got kicked out of school and Daddy had made me tea? And then when he came to my room, I was holding Berry Badger and I had Kocobo sitting next to the keyboard, (I'm being nice to them, Mars, and taking care of them. Promise.) And, also, -- OK -- I had on one of your old nightgowns, I think it was the one like Samantha's or Kirsten's, your American Girl Dolls. I don't know why. I just felt like it that night. You said I could, right?
But I thought he was all freaked by that, but sooo not all all!!!
And he said that he has known Ms Younger for forever, over twelve years, and that she is unusual, but not creepy or weird or something, and that he knew that the kids thought I was a girl and that she had, because she told him, but that that was something he wanted me to bring up, which I finally had. And I told him about the girls knowing really too. And he thought that was funny, sort of, and he just said for me to get it straightened out. So I'm going to tomorrow afternoon. And after, I might stay there Saturday if they want me because he told me Ms Y is going somewhere again.
And too, Marsh, he said that it wasn't like lying when I took Wendy into the bathroom really because I hadn't done it to peek at girls or something, and it wasn't like there was anything to see anyway (because people all really use stalls), and if that was the most comfortable place to go that wasn't lying because sometimes, used to, those places were called comfort rooms (and even that commode came from a word meaning comfort.). But just that everyone in the world didn't need to know all my private stuff. (But, Marsh, you're a girl, do you think that is right? I guess Ms Y does.)
Anyway, we had a really long talk, some about what he's going to say to the teachers tomorrow too, but lots of it wasn't about real stuff either. And he even said I wasn't so big that I couldn't sit in his lap, at least until his legs went to sleep or to ask for a hug, when there was real worrying to be done.
OK, I just think he is nice is all.
So are you too though.
Loves,
Sky
Friday, April 18th (late afternoon)
Heys to you too, Mike
I'll get that stuff in the mail tomorrow. I was too late getting home today. I found it all, 'cept the Amy Winehouse CD and one of the Coldplay ones. I got all the 'puter stuff though.
I don't think Dad would mind sending all that stuff to you at all. But I won't talk to him about it if you don't want.
Yeah, so I missed the whole tourny. Duh!! I never even heard of Memphis before, so Kansas is OK with me. But we still got the pros, right?
Hey, did you wipe all your CoH guys? I've been playing, and wondered if I could get some influence, but they are gone. No big thing though.
g2g - talk later. 'K?
OH - I'm taking a fly fishing class near hear. Only had one so far though, but it'll be cool to do that, huh?
You liking college and all?
Cya,
Jude
>>Friday, April 18th (afternoon, an hour later)
Hi,
Well that's done, Marsh. I called Ms Y. and told her I wanted to talk to her, and she said that the kids told her they knew I was a boy, and she had confessed to them too. Just like that, all of that is over!
And I'm still babysitting tomorrow too and staying the night even because all of them decided it didn't make any difference to how good I was at sitting. So we're still friends! And Ms Y said that she and the girls had asked way too much of me. But I don't think it was really all that much, really. But they're all going to trust each other not to get too mad now.
OK, so now I just got to wait 'til Daddy gets home and see what happened at the school today, right?
Bye;
Skye
P.S.: Yeah, I'd probably wind up getting the package alone because they go to an office in a different building if they're too big for the mailbox, but Daddy might have seen the slip. (It's not all the way to the post office, just the office for the apartments, and they do that stuff for us.) If he's there I'll pretend it's just the college shirt, but what is it really?
Mike wrote again, and I got to send a bunch of stuff to him, so I got to go there tomorrow too. He's not over being mad at us, is he, Marsh? Do you want me to send stuff to you?
P.P.S.: OH, yeah. About me going into the lady's and all. That was one of the things I was gonna ask you about on Wednesday. Well, OK, Ms Y and I had picked up the kids at their serious dance thing, and it was a car pool with four other girls.
And some stuff happened on the drive that was kind of weird to me too, because the girls just kind of poke at each other - said things like: "Well wearing a training bra doesn't make fat look like boobs," (and you know these were all in just their leotards and weren't fat but some can look better in those, I guess. ). And then this one girl that had talked about always wearing a training bra, and kind of got called fat, started on about how people wear their clothes, and that was about me, about having boxers stick out at top of my capris, like a boy. And some of the girls were on my side about that. And then they said other stuff about that girl when she left.
And it seemed even meaner than boys, unless the boys are trying to be real mean, you know? And how they made it so it was hard to get mad out loud, because it was never right at someone? And about how boys would have yelled, maybe, or just wanted to, and the girls just went on? So is that just dancer types, or rich girls, because I saw their houses, and even though Daddy say that money buys a lot more house here then in Maryland, still, or is it always like that with all girls??
But -- OK -- then we were just going to get take out and take it to their house. And in the drive-thru Wendy had to go bad. And I was by the door, and she asked me to go with her. And I was like: "Come on!" (because they all know, you know?) And Ms Y even said it would be OK for her to go by herself because it was right by the door, but Wendy said she needed help with her leotards because they were too tight (and she had wanted to just take them off in the car because of that, so it was true, not part of a trick.) And then she didn't want Lisa to go either, because Lisa teases about helping or wants lots as payback, Wendy said, and Ms Y. said, "Take her please, Sky, before this is a big fight. It won't be a problem."
So, I was shocked and all but did. And Lisa was acting like it was nothing, but I think it was hard for her to. I mean I even said I didn't know how leotards work, because who knew the neck stretched like that, but it didn't work, because Wendy knew how, but just need help doing it.
And why, Marsh, do they all know it's a problem but do that?
Only Wendy seems like it isn't a trick, because she just seemed real embarrassed and said she forgot when I reminded her I didn't go in there. But it was too late to change it then, because she was squirming.
Then in there there was a line, but we got to go to the front because Wendy was obviously in a huge hurry by then. And Lisa came in and yelled (right into the stall) that we were eating there, and told one of the line ladies that said she had cute sisters that only the little one was her sister not the cute one. And Wendy yelled that her sister looked like an orangutan (and that was right while I was hearing her pee splash, Marsh.)
And when I was helping Wendy get back into her leotard, I got a babysitting offer right through the door (I didn't take it because we don't know them, of course.). And then when I was going (yes, I remembered to sit down - barely in time. :-P ), this teenager talked to me about my name while she was going too.
And, Mars, is that like that always too?? I mean even little boys don't do that stuff. At school they talk in the bathrooms because it's away from teachers, but stand way away from the stalls and things to, and not ever in the stalls or to someone in there. Unless it's harassing or saying things gross. So that was what I had been meaning to ask about on that night.
OK.
Love you,
Skye
>>Saturday, April 19th (morning)
Hi, Marsh,
No, it's not all straightened out at all.
Daddy said the school people said it was because I was withdrawn and anxious in class and wanted stuff from my psychiatrists and stuff.
And Daddy said that they should have waited to get the letters and talked to him and not made him wait four days first. And he thinks it is really because I did so well in school last year, because in three weeks all the kids have to take these state tests, and it is to see if the school teaches right, and if my scores don't go up enough from last year it will look bad for the school. Even though there are about a hundred and fifty other kid's. At least, he said, he thinks that is what the school is thinking. They just don't want me on the books right now, and in that other class I'm not. And the teacher's I have now know this is the reason too, and that I don't need the special stuff at all.
The other bad thing is it's hard to get out once I'm in, and that until I've been there six months they won't take me out at all, and then it will be into simpler classes than I used to take, which was the worse part.
But he is going to go downtown and talk to the main office people on Tuesday still. That's all he really said. He is real, real POed too. I could tell by how he talked real slow and soft.
OK, so don't know, OK.
Anyway, after that we tried to not worry, and he wouldn't let me use the computer, but said it was "us night," and we went to that not so bad sushi place and came home and watched TV together. (He just doesn't get "One Tree Hill", and never, never watch "House" with him! We wound up watching two parts of that real old TV version of "Pride and Prejudice" again.)
So that is still F'ed up, I guess.
Well, I'm going to work on my other problem, and go see Ann and Becky and explain stuff, then I babysit tonight.
bye,
Skye
Sunday, April 20th (afternoon)
Hey again, Mike.
Hey, I'm thinking about starting piano again.
Do you think it would work to put our piano in a really small room? You know, where you'd barely be able to walk around it. Or would that mess up the sound too much?
Anyway, figured you were the best one to ask. Dad and I have to talk about it more, but I think it'll be OK.
The other choice would be to have it right up next to the wall, and I know that's not the greatest.
So, sees ya,
Jude
Sunday, April 20th (afternoon, an hour and a half later)
Hi, Marsha
Well, guess what. My life isn't so much back to normal after all, because even though everybody knows, and everybody knows everybody knows, I still wound up doing something totally weird this morning.
But to keep it all in order, it was like this: I baby sat the kids last night, and that went like regular, OK? They really didn't act any different. Like when Ms Y. came out from getting dressed, we were making cookies (I brought some coconut (but the pre-shredded kind though) and macadamias, and we were making macaroons.) and she said something about getting burned cooking like that, and I hadn't even noticed but they hadn't got dressed after their baths and only Lisa had on only panties, and I was embarrassed because of that, but they were just still treating me the same, even though I'm a boy, and it isn't trying to trap me now.
So we made cookies, we had pizza for dinner, we watched a movie, and we played around on the piano so that was something new, I guess.
I'd never been in their living room, and it's huge, Marsh, and they have a piano like our old one only the real size right in there house! Not just a baby grand. ('Cept theirs is white, and I like black and shiny better. That's what a piano should be, you know?) And Ms Y said I could play it if I wanted; she was still there because this was when they had just got back from horseback riding, and I had go there real early.
Oh, and they ride English too. I had thought everyone out here would ride western, you know? But it was when Lisa was showing me her riding trophies, which was why we where in that room, that I saw the piano. And I messed around on it and played "Belle", sorta, you know from "Beauty and the Beast", because I could remember parts, and because Wendy had told me as soon as she saw me that that was the movie we were going to watch because we had talked about it at McD's.
BTW: I'm going to ask Daddy if I can start taking piano again too. Lisa said she wished she could play like me, (and I could hardly remember the song and wasn't doing good.), and I said it just takes practice (all wise and stuff), and her Mom said, "No, Sky, Lisa doesn't want to learn to play. She just wants to be able to play. They are very different things." (I thought it was funny.)
Ms Y. played then. And she is real good. And she said that was because her mother was a sweet, kind lady that forced her to do things that would be nice later in life. Not like their mother, who's a mean, wicked witch that lets her children do what they want. And I thought that was funny too, and Lisa and Wendy were just totally confused, I think. See why I like her?
Why do you think our mother made me stop taking piano? She let you and Michael practice, and liked it that he was so good.
So then the movie and all that stuff, but nothing important, just chatting and messing around.
Ok, so I got to get to it, I guess, because the main thing is about what I did this morning.
Wendy wanted to go out for breakfast again like the last time. I guess they do it a lot on Sundays. But Ms Y. told her that I hadn't brought the right kind of clothes for it because we hadn't set it up ahead of time, because it would take at least a nice shirt and slacks to go to the place Wendy was thinking of, and they had to feed me before taking me home too.
And Wendy said, "Even if Sky is a boy, she could just borrow a skirt. Couldn't you, Sky? Say you wouldn't mind, please. It's real neat, with cellos and stuff and drinks with strawberries in them, and lots of things."
(Marsh, she did say that! I don't know why that 'she' jumped out at me. She didn't say it loud or anything.)
And Lisa wanted to go too and said they could go by the apartment, but I didn't want to do that because Daddy might've still been asleep, you know?
Then Ms. Y told them to go away, and she sat down and asked me what I thought. And I just shrugged because I was weirded they were still like it wasn't a thing, you know what I mean?
And she said it is a place that is very nice. And they would LET me come as a girl if I wanted to, or we could go with me as a boy next time. And, Marsh, because she put it like that - you know it wasn't about tricking someone or not embarrassing them because of a mistake, or them wanting me to even - it just seemed like a really nice thing to be able to do. And when I said, "'K, if you really want me to," she said, "NO!! Sky, you're a very sweet person and very nice, but not this time. What is the answer for YOU."
So I did, Marsh.. And I gotta tell about Ann and Becky yesterday because that was part of it too, but in a minute, OK?
The kids were real, real, real happy about it, and not laughing or teasing at all. And then we had to find me clothes. And to make a long story short I wore a real long white dress, to the ankle almost - skirt, I mean, because I had a green blouse on, that had long bits at the bottom to make a bow/belt sort of, and I could have tied it higher to show my tum if it wasn't so nice a place.
I almost wore a shorter blue dress, but the only shoes that would work were some green sandals that were just barely long enough and just barely nice enough for this place. -- And Ms Y had got me some things from the dance store, when getting Wendy a new leotard, that boy dancers wear (Embarrassing!), but when I just wore some of Lisa's underwear things that was better for the bulges, at least in a skirt, because Ms Y had me sit down and push the dress down a little like might actually happen, to test. (But I haven't checked in some shorts yet.)
So it really was nice. With a chamber music quartette, and scones that were real good, and - I don't know - I guess garden party-ee. You know? And I liked it being nice like that, Marsh. Marsh, I felt silly the whole time, sort of, but not 'cuz it was a joke like. Just excited and stuff -- not like on a rollercoaster excited though, -- it's hard to say, Mars. Like getting out of the car and running after a long car ride excited, sort of. You know?
So, is it OK? Really? What do you think?
But anyway about the yesterday with Ann and Becky things -- I told them about Ms Y. and the kids thinking I was a girl, and then not wanting to make each other mad like. And they got all that, I think.
And I asked if they thought I was a girl at first too.
And that was because of something that Ms Y had told me on Wednesday too. She had told me to watch the way the girls at the ballet class tied shoes, and then had got me and the girls to look at our finger nails and me to push a hair out of my face at dinner. And she said I did that the way most girls do it in our country not the way most boys do it. (But she said some of each kind do do it the other way.) It was like not making a karate fist to look at the nails, but at the back of the hand; and using fingertips on the hair, not palm down; and bringing the knee up and not putting your foot on the other knee.
And she said lots of things like that was why it was they had made mistakes maybe, or I had change without knowing when she asked me to pretend. And I can't remember how I did those things before, so I asked those other girls.
But Ann and Becky's father had already got the whole low down (age, school grades, sex, shoe size maybe, they said.) from Daddy, so they didn't really know what they would have thought. And we talked about all that, for a long time, and about lots of things.
OK. Zack just called and asked me to bring out my bubble-ater, Marsh. I want to tell you more about it and stuff though. 'K? (At least I didn't say 'BRB' when I got the phone, huh?) And this is already way long, right? Laters, but Daddy wants to go out to eat and do grocery stuff tonight, so tomorrow, I guess.
Love ya' lots,
Skye
P.S.: Marsh, I'm not a perv, am I?
"So did you just walk in there and say, 'How do you do this?' You couldn't 'av!!"
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
>>Monday, April 21 (late afternoon)
SCREW YOU!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!
You're a total, total ASSHOLE. Totally DIE
JUST
It Just Was NOT Like that at ALL, Mike!!!
At all, AT ALL!!!!!!!
I was there.
Daddy did not kick her out with nothing. I was there, Mike.
He was at the cabin. She had said she was having ladies in Sunday, and wanted him out of the way, so would he go, but needed me to stay to help set up.
And as soon as he left she started throwing things into boxes. And I didn't know why. Everything she wanted she took. The rest was all crud; she said that.
And a truck came that morning, and we went straight to that house, and it was already all set up with new stuff, and it's not a borrowed house either, because she had had it painted already like she wanted. And the truck wasn't even full!
And she wouldn't let me leave a note, and she got a phone that she could carry around and took it with her so I could never call when she left.
And Daddy does not either get "tons" of money from her for me, because he told the judge he wouldn't take it, and the judge said it would go to a special account for when I'm eighteen, but I'll give it to her because I don't want it from her either and told the judge. I was there!! And I said that in court. And he still sends her money. But they kept them separate in the court. That's all the truth.
And she didn't get terminated because of "Lies" me and Daddy told either. I got a about seven inch scar, and like a hundred stitches, on the back of my neck from my ear because she tried to cut my hair with a box cutter - that thing you use to scrape stickers from windows. AND it hurt like hell. And that's why she got terminated!!!!
And yeah - I broke a window on purpose. But know what, shithead? It was in the bathroom with the shelf thing behind the toilet, because I was locked in with a bookcase and stuff she pilled up, and twisted my ankle from being upstairs and stayed in an alley all night because I thought Daddy hated me too then. And someone saw me, and the cops got me and took me to the hospital, and the doctors testified in the court too.
And she had said she thought that Daddy had broke my arm that time we were getting the branch out of the tree, and you know he wasn't even there then. And said that I wouldn't say because I was afraid of him, and she thought he did worse things too!!!!
AND the only person in the whole world in my whole life that ever hit me was HER -- and you!! And assholes at school. But not Daddy!!! And you know it.
But if you don't believe it, just
Just screw it forever.
You're an asshole. I was there. AND I hate you fu=orever.
Just die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Because I was there and I was
Marsha,
I just had a big fight with Michael. You don't believe that stuff he said in his email, do you? I was there. It wasn't that way, Marsha. REALLY!!!
Love,
Skye
>>Monday, April 21 (an hour and a half later)
Mike,
I'm sorry. I don't hate you or want you to die or anything.
But it was different. If you or she wants the piano, I'm sure Dad would let you because we don't have much room anyway.
And I hope you don't have to quit college either. Really. The judge said there were accounts for you and Marsha. And I think other money too, but I don't know. She was talking about being able to travel and the things she was gonna get though then.
But Mike if you just ask Dad, I think he might help you. I do. I'm sure. Really.
I'm really sorry, Mike, real, real. Really.
Bye,
>>Monday, April 21 (ten minutes later)
"K, I apologized to him. But he will probably still hate me.
I hope you aren't mad too, because I promised not to talk about that to you.
I'm sorry, Marsha, really. I didn't mean to; I won't again. 'K? Please!
Love lots,
Skye
>>Tuesday, April 22nd (afternoon)
Hi, Marsh!!
Yea!! I'm so happy you aren't mad at me too. I guess Michael still is though, and I can't blame him.
He just said some stuff about our piano and some other stuff, and we're not really supposed to talk about it -- right?
So I got to go to my rec classes soon. Want to hear about them later, maybe?
OK -- I'm glad we're still friends. A LOT!!
Many hugs and loves,
Skye
>>Tuesday, April 22nd (night)
Hi, Mars,
Uh-uh, I didn't save the letter from Mike. And I don't want to say what I said to him. OK?
Yeah, you were right, today was the day Daddy talked to the school district people. But it looks like nothings changed yet. But it might still.
And yeah, you were right about those appointments and stuff. They're with a shrink, and that's who the school wants stuff from, plus an old one at home. That's because of about the stuff that happened last fall, and some stupid things I did too. But I'm not crazy, Marsha. Really. OK?
OK -- so you want to hear about the rec classes, OK. We got the little bowls all shaped and could scratch designs in them if we wanted, and now they will be fired - that's like cooked to get hard, you know. -- then we paint them next time.
Lisa and Wendy said something was wrong, and I told them about the school stuff, rather than the Mike stuff, and now Ms Y. called tonight and has been talking to Daddy a long, long time. So, I guess maybe, she might not think I can babysit now she knows, but I don't know, maybe, -- maybe it is just work things.
Zack wasn't at the origami class today. But he called later and asked if I could hang out overnight on Friday, and he's going to tell his mom to call Daddy about it.
OK -- Daddy's calling. So I guess he and Ms Y. were talking about me.
Bye,
Skye
>>Wednesday, April 23rd (noon)
Hi, Marsh,
Daddy told me last night I could stay home from school today if I wanted. So I did. DUH!
And also that I'm babysitting on Friday because he and Ms Y are going to dinner. (But it's not like that, he keeps saying. But I think it is becoming "like that". :-))) )
So that's all good stuff, right? Ms Y. doesn't care about me being in the bad classes, I guess, and they still want me around. (And it means he and Ms Y. had lots to talk about besides me too! ;-) )
But it means that I can't stay at Zack's, but Daddy said that he wouldn't want me to do that just now anyway.
So I'm at home until I have to go downtown, and this is one of the days that that cleaning lady comes in so I'm kind of stuck in my room. (And she seems kinda mad because I'm in her way.)
Anyway, so Marsh, on Sunday Lisa and I had this argument, not mad --discussion, I guess I mean -- about "Beauty and the Beast" that we had watched. And we were talking about it more at the breakfast. She said the beast just got punished for not feeding the beggar lady, and it was totally unfair to the servant people to get turned to things. And I thought that the beggar lady had come to him because of stuff he did, and that was like treating people like they just were their jobs and as things already, and I guess it's still unfair to turn them into things for real, but they had let him do it to them, so in a way sort of it was fair. Anyway, I've been thinking of that still -- not busy enough at school, I guess (hehe). I think Ms Y. agreed with that but wouldn't really say, and hasn't seen it in a long time.
So since you're studying it at college maybe you know.
Loves,
Skye
P.S.: Oh, about the 'e' on my name. Well, this girl -- I think I said about her, in the car pool last Wednesday, that people didn't like, and said things about the way I wore those capris? -- she said, like she was real smart or something, that Sky was a weird name, and that it was dumb because the sky didn't even really exist, but was just an illusion, made up because of what people saw because they couldn't see what was there really.
And I told her it was also an island in Scotland (because I'd looked on the internet to see if it could be short for something besides Skylar, and that was all I found, (but Skylar can be a girl, I didn't know that.)), and then the girl in the bathroom said she had been there once and it was real nice. So I'm using that. And it's said the same way.
>>Wednesday, April 23rd (night)
Hi Marsh,
Aw, shucks golly, Mars, you really think I'm cute, huh? Thank you though, :-) Yeah, the kid's hair is not so bad now.
So, Daddy took over the camera after I asked to get one; 'cuz his 'puter's got more storage, he said. So you'll be getting pics from him. I think he's going crazy with it though, Marsh, and it's your fault! Did you get a pic of the chicken and rice I made? Or of the bookcases? He thinks he's going to retire and become a great artist now, I think. :-P
And NO, no picture of the top or me in the dress, ever, Marsh! Besides I thought we'd get a cheep-o from the drugstore, but Daddy got a pretty serious one and all. I don't think I can use it yet, at least not without the parental hover stoke going on.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that nothing has happened with the school thing still, but Daddy said he was working on a good plan. Anyway I don't have to go to school tomorrow again, and my doctor talked to Daddy and said that was fine and she would give a note, because the change was stressful to me. So I'm getting metal health days with a real shrink signing off on it. Something for all that time, I guess.
And no way; I never told her about the stuff with people thinking I'm a girl. We just talk about school and making friends, and about our mother too. That's all. She is nice, I guess, but it's still new.
We got a slip that your package came, but I rode home with Daddy, and we got here too late to get it. You still haven't told me what it is, you know!
It was Daddy's turn to clean up the kitchen, but he's ready to watch TV now (more of "Pride and Prejudice"), so bye and laters.
Loves.
Skye
P.S.: I still haven't heard anything back from Michael. Which I can see, but is he really going to quit college? You're not are you?
>>Wednesday, April 24th (late night)
Mars,
Daddy is real, real mad. Not at me or you or anything (maybe mama).
I let slip that Michael might quit collage because of money, and he said, "What!" And that he had put money aside for fourteen years, and it couldn't be gone. And that he wouldn't let it happen and legally you're as much his as hers now, and if the law says eighteen is an adult then the law is an ass, and all like that. And something else about some man in Massachusetts.
Marsh he was yelling, but not at anyone, and I hardly have ever seen him do that. Have you?
But you know it means he is going to help you and Mike with money, don't you? So that is good, huh? He's on his computer now, so I bet you get a letter, and Mike too. Tell Mike to take it, OK. Please!!
Love,
Skye
And that means he did really adopt you, right? She said he wouldn't. So we really are whole sibs, not halves. Right??
>>Thursday, April 25th (morning)
Marsh!!!!
Geeeezzzzz!!!!! I got the package, but where did you get this stuff!! This is more embarrassing then what Ms Y bought me almost.
Marsh, I don't know if I like really need the Nair stuff, you know, or if I can even do that stuff really -- I mean, Marsh, it's like not that big, OK? (I'm saying this?)
Who wrote this out for you?? How? Gah, Mars, really????
I tried what it said about the tuck thing but they wouldn't stay or anything, and I haven't tried with the tape, but it -- nvm.
Thanks and all, but I don't think I'll be doing that a whole, whole lot, you know?
Really - who told you this?
Love ya'
Skye
P.S.: The shirt is nice. I like the butterflies, and yeah, boys would wear that for someone's college because it's a plain color and all.
But, Mars that other stuff!??
Thursday, April 25th (afternoon)
Heys, Lisa,
'Guess I can send you emails now we don't gotta worry about your Mom checking up on it.
I'm coming over there for the night again on Friday. Did you know that already? My Dad and your Mom are going out together again. Do you think they like each other? Would that be neat? Or what do you think about it if they do?
So anyway, I just wanted to see if there was something special you'd like to do or anything. I could stop by the store and get some cookie supplies if you guys wanted to do that. Or a movie at Blockbuster -- Not "High School Musical II" please!! I like it and all, but you two wear me out. 'Guess I'm too old, huh?
I g2g over to my cooking class and make a pie now. So, that's all. Cya tomar.
Bye,
Sky
P.S.: Notice how I never used the word 'sit' or 'baby'. Nice of me, huh? :-P
>>Thursday, April 25th (evening)
Hi,
No -- not at all. It's OK. I was just surprised and stuff, not mad. I mean, thank you and all.
It's not like the kind of thing you talk about with sisters and all though, you know?
I tried the tape thing, and you're right about hairs. And I got some on the end.... but look anyway. -- nvm, OK?
Remember when you said things about what I said when I was real little? I think Ann and Becky might think that too. You know, I knew I was a sissy and all -- I mean, enough people told me, huh? -- But I forgot I'd said that. Did I say it to our mother too?
They said that their aunt works with people that want to be a different gender too, and they even know someone that is. And it's all fine with them either way, and that was Saturday. But they were at Chez Amy's on Sunday too, and saw me, so now they're sure. And they came by last night just to tell me. And I can't convince them.
OK - so today Zack wouldn't even talk to me in the fishing class. He got real mad and like: "whatever," when I told him I couldn't spend the night last night, so I guess that was why. And he and his partner dude broke one of the rods and just laughed about it and things. But when I was on the way home he hollered and waved. You know, 'cuz he was the first person to be nice here, I guess I should be nice back, I guess.
But in cooking we started making pies though, OK? And we just did the dough today, and next week we'll do the filling stuff, but this dough won't be good and the teacher is going to bring in all new. I'm gonna make a quiche tonight so to use mine up. It'll probably take about a dozen eggs though because I'm going to try to do the double yoke thing that maid we had did, and I'll mess up with separating for sure. (What should I do with the extra white parts?)
If I'm gonna do that I g2g.
Bye,
Loves and hugs and kisses too,
Skye
P.S.: I tried part of the instructions you got from people in that group at school and, instead of tape, used the smallest belt thing from Ms Y., but moved the straps different from what it said, and put pieces -- you know -- and that seems the best so far. But it still isn't so good with those red shorts, I think. (And it's got a strap that goes in my crack too. :-P )
So did you just walk in there and say, 'How do you do this?' You couldn't 'av!!
>>Friday, April 26th (afternoon)
Lisa,
OK. You like must never look at you email!! You're supposed to look and see what you got, you know? Not wait for people to tell you they sent it.
Well, I'm never, never ever writing you again.
OK, I'm leaving for your place now. And the first thing I'm going to do is make you look at you mail!!! And I got a surprise for you.
Bye,
Sky
You're not mad or something, are you?
>>Saturday, April 27th (night)
Hi, Marsh,
Sorry I didn't write at all all day yesterday, but I was real, real busy. Daddy said he talked to the school, and I'm officially home schooled now. YEA!!
But he said that didn't mean I'm not going to school. :-( And I got to take a Science class on line and a Math class and English too. And I spent all day yesterday doing these test things on the 'puter to see which ones I'll take. Also, I'm gonna have a Math tutor too at nights, and maybe one for writing too. But that sounds better than the other thing, right? I mean, it will be lonely, but I'll learn stuff, not just sit. And I think that's good.
So that's what I did all day, then I went to the hospital on the bus and could take a taxi home, and I went over to the babysitting kind of early. As soon as I got there I took an old sundress of yours out of my pack and changed into it, and the kids laughed and giggled, but happy, not teasing.
You don't mind do you? I know you said before, but this is different kind of stuff from then, and lots more too. It was the white one, with the just one tie behind the neck and no waist anywhere and the pink and blue tiny, tiny flowers and green vines all over. Do you remember it? I think it was for special occasions for you. But Marsh after testing on line so long, I thought I'd do it. I thought the girls would be happy because I did, you know. And they made me put on some of Lisa's underwear, because they don't like boxers even though you couldn't see them if I sat right.
So then I babysat all night. We did badminton ('cuz that's in the back yard, in case someone road by), pizza again, movies (High School Musical II (pant-pant)), popcorn (no cookies). (I wore some of your old PJs too. OK?) No fancy breakfast this time, because they had soccer games.
Only thing was that Daddy came to pick up Ms Y., and I guess I thought she would go get him because she has a nicer car. (Yeah, Marsh, she has two just for herself, I guess, the van and a fancy like one -- weird.) But he didn't even say anything. Just chuckled and hugged me and kissed my head on top and told me not to stay out long enough to get sun spots on my shoulders (and I had to explain about freckles to those two brunettes because he said that. I hate them! (not really,)). All just like he would have, and they left. And he was great in his tux, and Ms Y. was fantastic in this long black dress with white on it too, and diamonds in her hair and necklace. And he's been at the dialysis place all day again today, and I still haven't seen him since.
I did see Zack today though, and he was nicer again mostly. I went to Lisa's and Wendy's soccer games, and I guess he is on a club team for spring, and he was there and with his team at first, but then later he came over, and he had his jersey off and was parading around, and told me he was going to play CoH and to come on too (but I couldn't), and said come hang at his house for the afternoon tomorrow, so I am. (Daddy asked if it was going to be a group hanging when I called him. :-P , but it's a two person hanging, I think.)
Then I went to a movie with all the Youngers after their horse back riding, and I went in a yellow tiered skirt, different from the first one I wore, and a baby-doll that was yours again, but with puffy sleeves and shoulders, and smocked, not bunched for a tit place, and a closed back below the shoulder blades. It's green with little red flowers all over.
And then I came home, and Zack isn't still on line.
Those other versions of "Beauty and the Beast", you talked 'bout, sound weird, but it's still the same in most stuff, right? Just with sex and violence and stuff. I mean in about Belle beating the curse. Do you think they had kid versions back then, but wrote more of that in when they made books because grown-ups bought them? Anyway, I like the good old Disney version better than the ancient one's, I think.
You know another book I've been thinking about too. Remember "The Giver", and how when I read it and said they had got away at the end you were like: "Maybe. Read it again," and I was mad, and when I told you there were sequels that proved it you still said that was because people were upset, but the first book meant to be unclear. I see how it not being known isn't bad now, but I'm still going to think they always got away, because I just don't want the whole world to be like that place, you know?
Anyway, it's neat how you can still think about a book years later and still see stuff in it, isn't it. Those are the best ones, when writers don't just plop it all down and think that you can think. I wish I could write like that!!
Loves and Kisses and Puppies,
Skye
P.S.: I don't know what it means either!!!
P.P.S.: What did Daddy say to you? He did write you, didn't he?? Has Michael said anything ever?
P.P.P.S.: Do you think I could be a writer? I'd rather be a reader but want to eat too!!!!
P.P.P.P.S.: Enough of this 'P' silliness!!! Daddy finally got home and I'm going to go see if he wants to watch more of that "P&P" show tonight.
(Do you think that Jennifer Ehle was cute? She is a lot sometimes, and I never heard of her anywhere else. And I think Colin Firth is a good actor. (I like his hair. :-P ) I think Lydia is neat, and I like that name too, but she is just such a total dolt!! Bye)
>>Sunday, April 28th (evening)
Marsh,
I hate him!! Ugh. You know what the creep did, Marsha? I'll get arrested or Daddy will!
I went to his house, and he told his mom that we were going to be in his room and leave us alone. And at first we looked at some manga, and at his other toons on CoH and places. But then he said, "Hey look at this stuff."
And Marsh, it was a porn sight with ladies in all gross shapes and stuff. And I kind of said, "yuck," but you know, didn't want to put him down because I know lots of boys look at that. Then he had some more with men with like giant things that were worse. And he ask if I wanted to have a come race, and said he and his 'posse' did that. And I said, "No Way!!!"
And he put his hand there on me, and I knocked away, and he pulled his pants down and said I could touch his. And it was just right there sticking up right at me. And he said it was just playing, and that I'd like it. And he wasn't, you know, hurting me or something, but still, and when I still said, "no", he said I should go then, and he'd thought that a fag like me would want to do that stuff.
And I left, but he'd put my bike in the garage so I walked over to Lisa and Ms Y's for a while then and got a ride. But I didn't tell them anything, just changed the clothes he'd grabbed. And I don't know how I'll get my bike back now.
But then the worse part: When I got home there was an email from him, and it said he was sorry and stuff, he didn't mean to scare me. And it had attachments, and they were pictures of him, of him doing things and playing with it, you know?
And I sent him an email saying that I'd blocked him out and never send me stuff, but I don't know how to do that.
I didn't save those but opened them, Marsh. Will they still be in the computer? That's like child porn!! It's got to be. Will they know?
Bye, love,
Skye.
P.S.: Soon?
"... and he said for me to stay away from him?!?!? And he walked to his car and yelled more names too.... He needs a vocab class, really."
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
Hi, Marsh,
I'm banished to my room by the cleaning lady again.
Nah-uh, he didn't really grab me and hold or anything -- just sort of tried to hug, but rough. And I could have asked his mom or brother for my bike, but just didn't want to. And I looked where you said and saw how to block his emails too. It was just really scary, Marsha. But he did let me leave and, yeah, took no for an answer, I guess. But made sure I knew he didn't like it. But it's all creepy as H-E-LL.
I know you're right, and I'm just going to forget about the whole thing. Because I don't want to tell; I don't want to ruin him or anything. And boys sometimes do what he was talking about, and a boy letting a boy see his thing isn't that weird, is it? They do it in locker rooms all the time, right? But if he does that again -- WAM.
So I got to try and forget it. I need to make a list of all the stuff I got to forget about, because I always forget and remember them. (I heard that somewhere - but it's true.)
Well, he was really a jerk before too, you know. Just the way he talked about people and stuff. He didn't have friends, they were always "His posse" or "A dude of his". Which is OK, you know, but all the time, and he made it seem like he owned them and stuff. He even bossed his mom like when I was there, and it should have bugged me then, because now I know. Only when he was alone was he ever really nice at all, but you know, I just wanted it to be lots different and all.
OK. I'm forgetting about that. Starting now!
So, so, no, I'm not going to be home-schooled or taught by tutors forever (And the tutors aren't going to be every night - just a night each, too.). Daddy says there are some private schools around, and I'll get into one of those or a parochial one for next year.
I hope I get into Westcott Hall. That's where Lisa's going to next year. But I think it's real hard to get into because Wendy said her Mom had to pull strings for Lisa (And Ms Y. said she didn't, and had to save all of them for people that don't study their spelling, which shut Wendy right up.). But also, some of the guys in origami go there too, and Zack said that they were all dweebs because of it, and that makes it sound good to me, you know? But that won't work, probably, even if I was smart enough and hadn't done all rotten this year, because it's so late to apply and stuff, and they start at seventh, and I'll be in eighth.
The only other I've heard about is Sts. Ingrid and Charlotte , that's where that girl in the carpool people didn't like goes, and it's got a brother school that's something Hill.
He's sent me three emails already, one from early, but I haven't opened them. Duh!!
I g2g, Marsh. I got to work on my 'puter Math class, bye.
Loves and hugs.
Skye
P.S.: So you still haven't said what's happening with Daddy and you. What's up with the money? Is it going to work? What is Michael doing? I almost wrote to him, but better not. SO???????????
>>Tuesday, April, 29th (night)
Hi!
OK - OK. I get the message. "Be quiet, little kid." That's alright; I know I still kind of am. But can't you say if it looks like it's good and if Michael will get to stay in school and stuff? Anyway, bet I can get Daddy to tell me. :-P
And see I'll still talk to you about all my stuff:
Daddy took me to the Sushi place again tonight, and he said it is pretty sure that I'm going to get into a good school for fall!!!! Yea!!!!!!!! But he still wouldn't tell me where until it is all set and stuff. :(
(And Marsh, I am almost certain the sushi waitress lady called me Judey-tan. She had an accent and stuff but remembered us from before, and I was wearing jeans and a brown t-shirt. But I'm almost certain it wasn't kun. Weird again, huh??)
But anyway, I just did my 'puter classes (lots and lots) and read some stuff, and I ordered those sequels to "The Giver" because I've never read them yet. And in my pottery class we glazed our little bowls, and I did mine in a shiny blue and a sparkley rose -- I hope anyway -- because they don't look like the colors until they're fired, and the girls said the jars get mixed up sometimes.
And I went to origami, and we learned to make cranes this time. And Zack was there this time, but he didn't even look at me. He did -- sort of glared actually -- but then turned his head away real quick. And he was talking to the boys he calls dweebs and at least not breaking stuff this time. But he twisted a cranes head in the wrong place and screwed up the tail and then said it was a dragon. And at the end of the class he threw it over on my table and said I could have it. And I just left it there.
His emails were like he was real sad, and he wants to still be friends and stuff, and he took my bike over to Lisa's for me to get.
When I got home I made lots of cranes for practice, and I sent you seven in an envelope. I hope they go through for one stamp and don't get all squashed, but if they do that's what they were supposed to be. 'K?
Nite, Mars
Loves and hugs,
Skye
>>Wednesday, April 30th (Noon)
Hi, Marsh,
Well, Andrea's back, that's our maid person, so I'm stuck in my room again. She's not mean or anything, just -- something -- grumpy -- and like: "You're in my way!", all the time, and she really, really does move fast though. Today she's worse because Daddy told her not to cook because he has to do dialysis again, and I'm going to eat with the Youngers'. That makes her mad I think, because she thinks we don't like her cooking, but it's OK, it's just things happen and, also, she leaves at six thirty, and Daddy's never here 'til seven or more.
So anyway, I got over two hours before I can go to my appointment, so I can write a long letter, but nothing has really happened lately, you know?
I did a chapter of all my on line courses things already today, some are real easy, and some are even fun.
Zack is still sending me emails everyday. What a jerk!!!! And they're all like, he's sorry and, "Can we be friends", then like he's mad at me again, or about how can I not like him when I've seen his house and live in an apartment. yeeeegggggg.
Marsh, am I gay?? Do you think?? I think I think so, or maybe bi or something. I mean it would be OK with you, right? Because you're in that alliance thing at school that you know the girl that wrote those instructions you sent from, right?
But, I guess, the reason Zack was nice is because he thought that I was, and so would do that stuff to him. And there's all the girl stuff. And people've sure told me I was and hated me for it. And there was that time with Benny, and she caught us without clothes, and that's when we were still only eleven. And I guess I am. And anyway, even if I am, I don't want to do that like that. It's just that - anyway so nvm.
I hate home schooling. Tomorrow I've got my first tutoring, but that's at night though because it's with a teacher.
So, laters, I guess.
Love and a hug,
Skye
>>Thursday, May 1st (Noon)
Hi,
Not so bored this morning -- I can go to the kitchen and not feel like I got to sneak around, and watch TV some too. But still it's pretty dull. And I already got a bunch of chapters of 'puter stuff done. I'm ahead on it.
I went over to the Youngers' last night, like I told and, Marsh, they have two maids and a housekeeper! And I didn't know because I'm there in their time off. We got there as the maids were leaving but the housekeeper lives in their garage, and they used to have an au pair too but stopped after Christmas, which is why I got a job. And the house keeper was driving the van, because she does mostly except when Ms Y. gets to do the carpool, and when I got in she called me "The Famous Sky", and was nice but kind of old, and she's Connie.
At dinner I found out that Wendy thought I was real poor, and I guess compared to them we are, right? That was because we're in an apartment, and I babysit. And her mom said doing things for your own money doesn't mean you're poor, and that Daddy was 'imminent'! And how we hurried to move here. And she's been trying to get him to work out here for years and years.
So anyway, it's all your fault!! I asked Ms Y. how, since she knew Daddy so long, she didn't know about me. And she said that it was because you're not a boy. She knew Daddy had two boys and a girl and twins that had just started college, so she was all ready to meet the daughter because both boys had to be the twins, of course (and they had to look just alike too, huh?), and then the other stuff happened. So see -- your fault. It's not like she's dumb, just that she didn't think about it. You know?
But, anyway, that's OK; I'm not mad at you for being a girl.
Oh, and I got my bike back at last then too! And Zack had taped an envelope to the tube, and it was like a letter that he most've wrote on Sunday, and it said he was sorry and really wanted to be friends and stuff. But, Marsh, he had cut it out of red paper into a heart! Hehe - Weird?
All right, I g2g and get lunch and then back to the lesson things. Daddy checks every night to see what I've done.
Bye
Love and a Hug,
Skye
>>Thursday, May 1st (evening)
Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!!
Zack the Asshole strikes again!!!
We did pies today in cooking. I told you, right? And that jerk ruined mine.
And we peeled the apples and did the filling and used the dough that the teacher brought, and had to hurry too, but still had to take them home in like flat boxes to bake them.
He is just such a huge creep, Marsh. I don't get it.
When I first got to fishing class, his "partner dude" teased me about carrying the pie and tried to pull off a piece off the top crust, and Zack was like: "Leave it alone," and even shoved the guy away, and the guy was like: "Huh," and then Zack was like: "Don't take it around, unless you want to get hassled," and called me some more of his favorite names. And the teacher told them to knock it off, and I just stayed as far from them as I could, but it's a small class. And when we were trying to get our lines close to the ground but not hit, they were whipping theirs around like crazy, and they hit the little kid that's my partner in the head with the weight because we don't use hooks, luckily. So I yelled, "Hey! Watch out!!" And the kid had a red mark but wasn't crying, and the teacher made them go and sit under a tree because it was the second time today, and made them stay longer to talk to too.
Then, because I couldn't carry the pie on my bike, I was sitting at the bus stop, and he came over, and said I was a stupid -- those names again -- that had got him in trouble all the time and knocked the box out of my hands upside down, and he JUMPED on it even. And one of the bigger kids at the stop told him to go away, and he said for me to stay away from him?!?!? And he walked to his car and yelled more names too. All like queer and faggot and stuff the whole way to his car. He needs a vocab class, really.
And now I got to tell Daddy I messed up the pie he was expecting.
Gawd, I hate him, Marsh.
OK, so rant over. I just don't get it.
We don't hardly ever talk about you, you know, I guess. How's it with Jim, and with your school too?
OH, well. And all. What's up with him do you think, Mar??
Loves and Hugs,
Skye
>>Thursday, May 1st (night)
Hi again!
Happy May Day!!!
That's all I wanted to say -- so many letters a day is kind of stupid, right?
I'd forgot all about it 'til Daddy told me. He wasn't too sad about the pie; I just said I'd dropped it and would do another for him sometime.
OK. That's all. The tutoring stuff wasn't too bad. He told me to write a story, and I picked "Beauty and the Beast." I didn't finish though, but that wasn't the exercise. Then he read it and said I must be a great swimmer. (Yeah, I was like: "Huh" too.) And he said because when I write I never have to come up for air -- I just keep going and going and going, without periods and things, and how, even if I do use one, I put an "And" or "So" or something after it to make the reader rush and get their head back into the water. He also said lots about my grammar and commas too. And with that part I had been thinking of it like a school thing even.
So my letters are probably worse, but are they OK with you? It's like I want to get it all down, you know?
But I'm over being mad with that boy now, I guess.
So, I told Daddy at dinner that I really missed spring this year, and maybe that was because we moved after they had had it here. But he thinks most people would say it is always like spring here, except when it's summer. But we decided that was like never having a spring, and it was one of the best parts of winter too.
Loves and Hugs,
Skye
P.S.: And I still can't get Daddy to tell me about what's with you and Michael and money either. You guys are mean! But if it was terrible, I'd know right??? Huh??
>>Friday, May 2, (noon)
Hi, Marsh,
I'd promised, promised to me to give you a break from my saga today, but then I got your letter.
I'm trying to get it all straight, Mars, but remember I'm still a little stupid kid, partly at least, and letters like that make me know it.
So yeah, I really, really should tell Daddy and have him call Zack's parents. I know that. It could keep getting worse too, yeah.
But Marsh, what if his family is all like that? I mean look, I'm squirrely, OK, Marsh, really. I know it. And now that I'm thin, I'm more. That's why even nice people think I'm weird and a half. I mean -- Just am.
So his father might be like: "Someone like you's gonna have to deal with it," right? Some grownups think that way. And his brother was waiting to drive him when he yelled all that yesterday, so it could be they're all like that. And it would just be worse then! Wouldn't it?
Or his parents might be the opposite and go ballistic, and he deserves it, I guess. But they could hit him and lock him up and all that stuff, and I don't want that. I just don't!
And, also, he was almost the first nice person here, remember? Even before Lisa and Wendy and Ms Y., and sometimes he was after too. And even if it was for bad reasons, it's true. Even at his house, right up to when he wanted hugs and to do that stuff and did all what he did, he was like real nice. He said funny things and laughed when I did. Then it changed.
OK. So, maybe I'm stupid -- a dumb kid -- probably -- but it is like that other stuff -- the way he treats me -- and his friends -- and mom even, and the way he acts and calls me names is like on top of something good, and I don't want that part beaten. OK? You see, what I mean? I know it's maybe just an act and, even if he likes me, it is harassing and stuff and all, but still.
And it's like you said too, he might have a huge crush on me or something like that, and he can't admit it even to himself, and lots of people that say the most about gays are like they can't admit their own wants or curiosity. So could he just grow-up out of being like that maybe? And even if he's not gay -- and I know wanting people to do that is as much gay as wanting to do it, like you said, but he doesn't -- he could still be a nice person down under. You see? OK, it's real dumb, and all. But still.
So -- other stuff. You still didn't get around to talking about your stuff because of all my drama. About you and Jim and school, I mean, not the stuff with Daddy you don't want to. I do like hearing about it -- you. So could you?
Daddy and I are going out tonight, maybe a movie he said, and something is up with Ann and Beck for tomorrow. They were here when I got back Wednesday, talking to Daddy. And I'm going somewhere with them, but no one will tell me anything. :-( Except I'm supposed to wear something 'nice but comfortable', Becky said. :-) I can do that I think.
Loves and Hugs,
Skye
>>Saturday, May 3rd (night)
I've got a new big sister, Marsh!!!! And she is amazing -- really, really!!!!
But it's real late, and I'm exhausted! Totaled!!! So I'll tell you about her in the morning, OK?
Loves and Hugs,
Skye
P.S.: You're still my best and favoritest one though!!!!
"So, what do you think about Kaezee?
"A: Wonderful, B: Fantastic, C: Awesome, D: Amazing, E: All the above"
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
Hi there, Marsh!!
OK, I'm all rested up, had my Cheerios (Honeynut, course), and ready to tell you all about Kaezee.
That's from her initials, but she spells it out like that but sometimes puts a capital Z in the middle, and she says the boy in her comes out if anyone thinks of calling her 'Cozy' or 'Crazy'. And the K is going to stand for Kara, which means 'beloved', which she says she is; and the 'Z' might mean Ziv, which it is and means 'radiant'; or Zoe, which is 'life' (but not with dots or an accent thing) and what her grandfather's name meant; or Zara, that's from 'Bloom'; she hasn't decided.
And she has real black hair and not nearly as curly as mine but still real curly. And she's real funny and fun and nice. We went to the mall, and I got her a t-shirt.
OK, I guess I should slow down, Mar, because even I wouldn't have understood what I was going to tell. OK. So, do this in time order (Daddy and the tutor would be so happy with me, right?).
So: Ann and Becky came over first thing that morning, and Daddy let them in, and they barged in, and I was still asleep because it was Saturday and still not even ten, but they have to get up early on their father's weekends they said but didn't say why that meant I had to, but it's OK now because it made more of the rest of the day, you know?
And Daddy said he was going grocery shopping, and I went to say good-bye, and they laughed because we didn't have any problem with what I was wearing they said, and that that was good, and it was some old shortie PJs of yours with ruffles on the bottom part legs and neck and hem, and I wear that stuff to breakfast sometimes, but not much other of that kind of thing around Daddy, because it's hard to change real quick in the morning.
Then I started to get dressed in grungy clothes, and they said no, but I was going to change in the car, because I knew what they meant by 'nice' when they said what to wear, and wanted to. But they said that people around the complex wouldn't notice because they didn't pay attention, because that was the kind of place it was, and because I'm a kid, unless you spoke right to them and, maybe, still not.
Aaarrrggh OK, I guess, if I tell you absolutely everything like this, I'm never going to get the Kaezee part, obvi, right? Arrggggh.
OK, but this is the real important stuff:
I wound up wearing the orange culottes that I wore to Lisa's last week, and the green smocked top, because I didn't think the orange went with the top they wanted and they wouldn't let me wear the tie-dyed blue and yellow T that I was going to wear, though Becky had on a T-shirt. OK, then that meant my blue and white shoes and all. And they kept looking at each other and rolling their eyes, and I told them later they should get that fixed before they rolled out because they did it a lot all day long.
But Ann said, "OK! No lunch - Shoes!!" and we all ran down the stairs, because I didn't want to risk the 'vator, and Ann drove to the smaller mall near here and we went to a store next to Bloomie's, and they had a sale -- 2 for 1 -- so I got four pairs, two thongs and two sandals. And Becky was real annoying because she kept trying to get me to get these red pumps with about eight inch heels, as if!! :-P
But later I took back the hose I got to get some that Kaezee said were better, and I did get some wedgie slide-ons with about two inch heels, and Kaezee says I've got to learn to run in them for homework; is that possible, Marsh? I also got some white flats that were like what Lisa wore to go for breakfast that time, and they all called them maryjanes, but doesn't that mean a T strap? And these just have one strap and not real rounded toes at all. And I think they are cute anyway.
Also at the Fair Trade Store I got a bag because I was making Becky carry all my stuff because I didn't want to use my backpack, and I did have pockets but real loose ones. So it's white canvass but with lots of embroidery like vines and flowers, only not quite, and as wide as a regular letter and square and a like macrame strap of different colors. And I thought it was pretty and nice because you could use it with lots of stuff even if it didn't have a real way to close it, but I don't think Becky and Ann did because they did the look-at-each-other-and-roll-eyes thing again. What do you think? Anyway it's helping someone in Bhutan, right?
Then in Bloomie's I saw a sale on these cotton skirts, and one was yellow, and I bought it because Dad gave me fifty dollars last night, and Becky had said for me to bring all my babysitting money and gift cards, and I got a blue one too because Ann and Becky convinced me. I don't know what it's called, they aren't pleated but are ruffly at the bottom but not like the bottom of tiered skirts where you can tell where the ruffle part starts real easy.
Then we got pizza at the food court because Ann was famished, and she was the one that had said shoe shopping was more important than lunch!! And she didn't want to eat and drive, so we had to hurry.
So then I changed into the yellow skirt and green and yellow thongs in the car, and Becky laughed because my boxers were longer than it, but Ann said, "It's a look. S.I.C. girls do it all the time with their kilts. They have blood, piss, or plaid boxers to buy in their uniform store." (That's the school I told you about and their colors are maroon and gold, and they wear red with yellow plaid pleated skirts, not kilts, but some people tease about it.) So I guess it was kinda OK to have them show a bit, and I rolled them into like cuffs, and they didn't show when I walked or stood, only sitting, and the skirt is short enough that it's hard to sit on it when sitting down.
And see I think what I was wearing when I got to Kaezee's is real important. Do you?
Kaezee says that's because I'm a noob, and just learned I could and even knew that I keep looking at catalogues and ebay to learn all the words, and so that clothes mean a whole lot. But I guess I could have just left out all the shopping stuff but didn't.
OK, but so anyway, we got to Kaezee's. And no one still had really told me where we were going. And she was wearing these real short and tight, pink or, I guess, faded red denim shorts and a white peasant blouse with lace but not a very low neck, and so short you could see her belly-button stud sometimes, and she ran out to the driveway when we got there.
So after a while she said, "Come on, Sky, let's go to my room." And I look at Ann, and she waves her arms like: "Go, Go." And in her room Kaezee makes me sit on the bed and sits at the desk. And she says, "'K, what you want to talk about?"
And I guess I should have said we had just been sitting in her den place that was real cluttered, not dirty, you know, just lots of stuff, on this real long couch and watching TV for almost ten minutes or more, but not really watching, and no one saying hardly anything, and I was like: "What's going on," then. And that was kind of in this basement place, but only half a basement really, just eight or so steps down, and more steps going the other way for a part that was higher than the other part of the house.
And now we were in that up part, and her room is even more messy and tiny too, and she has just a twin bed, but it's got a white canopy and a pink ruffed thing, but with books and stuff sticking out from under it, and thousands of stuffed animals and beanie babies all over. I mean really, Marsh, more than you even ever had. And Samantha, the American girl doll, was right next to her computer.
So I was sitting on the bed when she had asked that.
She has this super uber cute little dog, that's a Bichon-Maltese named Slipper, and he's hers not all of theirs, that had jumped up on the bed, and I don't know how because it was so high, but he did, and he was all licking me and wagging like crazy. And I was trying to catch him to pet, but he wiggled way too fast, though I think he really wanted me to.
And, also, that when we had first got there, we had come through the kitchen, and her Mom knew Becky and Ann already, and she told her my name and said I was a very unusual kinda girl. And I thought that was weird, and she had just met me too and stuff (OK. Now I get it too, but just didn't right away.). But her mom just said nice to meet you type stuff and smiled.
And so in her room, when she asked that, I'm like: "Nothing -- I don-no", because I still had no idea what it's about, you know?
And Kaezee said, "Ann and Becky didn't say anything?" And I shake my head, and she laughs loud and gets on the bed and grabs Slipper without any trouble, and says, "They thought you could smell me, I guess."
And I still am like: "Huh?"
And she says, "I'm a very unusual kinda girl too, Sky."
And I finally tweaked to what she meant, and I giggle and then a little more and then, you know, couldn't stop.
And she giggles too and then laughs and says that Ann and Becky are idiots and shouldn't have done that to us, because she thought that I'd told them I wanted to meet her and all, but for me to talk to her anyway. And I pointed at her shorts, and was still like I couldn't talk because I was giggling but also because I was just real embarrassed too. And she thought I wanted her to prove it, but laughing still, and I managed to say, "Bulges?" And said, "OH, yeah - tuck and tape."
And I told her about the paper you sent me and stuff, and we talked about you and Daddy and her folks too, and about Ms Y. And about the belt things which is what she uses almost always too, but says that it's different than the instructions because boy dancers want to look like they got more for one or both of two reasons, not less; and I told her I did it different too.
She showed me how she has it done and then helped me do it, and she said that the trick was to get the 'little buggers' trapped in their home, and it just takes practice, and she put the tape on for me that time, and I left it to get used to.
And, Mars, we talked about how I'd let her do that too. I mean she didn't touch anything just slapped the tape down, but she could see. And I said how even when you and Michael would go in the sprinklers I wouldn't, even when I was little. And she says that's because around one group we don't look right, and feel weird, and around one group we know it isn't right, and they're acting weird, and around both groups it would just be confusion which to feel, maybe. And that we always knew it, inside. But with each other it's OK. And in that way we're a third gender, but we really, really aren't.
And she also said that it was OK because I wasn't at all her type anyway. And I asked if she meant she liked girls, and she said, "Hell NO! I ain't gay! Not that there is anything wrong with that." And I laughed like mad because -- you know.
OK, and let me see, we talked about how I'd used the Nair stuff on my legs and pits, and that got us to school because she asked if I was scared about the locker rooms, and I told her about getting kicked out, and she said that, yeah, the teacher's were just real intense on their kids just before those tests and wouldn't have wanted a new kid that needed to catch up, and she was sort of like what I had thought about that, but seeing it in a better way for the teacher's, and that was probably right, but still unfair to me, and she agreed too.
And she said about how she got lonely and things all the time, or used to, too. And, you know, just all kinds of things and lots. And boys and girls too. And Zack.
And, oh yeah , she goes to Westcott Hall. And Becky and Ann go there too, and I didn't even know that. And she says the school knows she's "a very unusual kinda girl" but not all the teachers, she doesn't think, and only some of the kids but that it is OK, and she is in tenth grade and already sixteen, and she's got a brother that is just started in medical school, and a sister that is in college for the second year, and a little brother that is fourteen and an eighth grader and has the hots for Becky (and she's in ninth, which is older than I thought. So he is fat out of luck.), and a little sister that is nine and in third, but she doesn't know Wendy.
So, yeah, a huge family, but she called me her new sister then, and I said I didn't really think so, and she said that I could be a part time sister and that was OK with her, though some of our sisters didn't all think so. And we talked about dressing in girl's clothes to pretend and to not even really pretend, but to be a boy that everyone knew was in a dress, and to do it because it felt good sometimes but it not be for always. And I kind of thought that that was me, but she didn't really think so I think, but I don't know. And I said I mainly liked to be a girl when it was to do real fun things, because then they were fun-er always, or if I just felt like real bad or alone.
And she told me we had brothers too, and neither one of us could really figure out why, but it takes all kinds.
And Ann came up and knocked on the door, and we had been it there way over two hours by then. But Kaezee said stay out because we weren't decent. We had clothes on and stuff by then, but just she was hugging me because we were talking about the scars on my stomach and the stuff that happened back then.
But she grabbed me and tried to tickle me to stop me crying; that doesn't work, but it did a bit, and put some eyeliner on me and some lipstick too real, real quick. It wasn't my color she said but it would have to do, and she said to tell Ann and Becky that we had just been talking about make-up and hair and stuff because, though they were real, real nice, they just couldn't really get everything we had talked about and were even smart enough to know that, but that I didn't really want the questions from them trying to figure it out. Which was real true!
OK, Marsh, I know this is like the longest letter in the history of the world (I should call Guinness's maybe?), but I really want to tell you about all of yesterday, OK? Because it was just -- just because. You don't mind, do you? I guess you can take a break or something, right?
You just have a chatty little sister sometimes, I guess, and I guess I'm your sister right now because I still got on your old pink baby-doll PJs, and I think I still smell like lavender a little bit too. But I have to tell you why yet.
OK, I'll try to speed it up some. OK, the rest real fast, OK?
We all decided to go see a movie, and Kaezee had to convince her parents; and her little brother (only lots bigger than me) was talking to me about school and stuff because he had been watching TV with Becky and Ann all this time. So I just told Scott, that's his name, that I didn't know where I was going next year, and he's going to be a freshman at the Hall but just starting, and I just said I was doing work for my old school right now and stuff. But when Kaezee came back she told him to stop trying to make Becky jealous by hitting on me, and that made both of them mad, but more embarrassed, you know, and me too. And she stuck out the tip of her tongue and wiggled her eyebrows up and down, and nobody could stay that way with her, not even Scott very much.
So we all went to the big mall, not Scott, just us, and he was mad because Kaezee got out of going to see their Grandparents. And Kaezee has to go tomorrow, which is today now, and she has to go in disguise because, even though they know about her, she doesn't make them see it. And we got to the Mall and did more shopping, and I got two more tops (Both were on sale. OK?), one's a peasant blouse like Kaezee was wearing but with little blue and yellow threads in the seams all over, and the other a teal T that has shell sleeves and a round collar and is tighter than regular ones. And I also got a skirt just like the one I wore to breakfast that time with Lisa and Wendy. You know, the long one that looks like it's a slip with lace on it, but it's really not?
And we went to the store that was the same as the store in the little mall, and they would let me have my money back for my hose, only buy something else, and they didn't have control tops in my size, and I probably will have to go on line for them, and Kaezee says to use 'em even though it's not my tummy that needs to be controlled. And that's why I got the other shoes there.
Then we had dinner.
Oh, listen, I wanted to get that T in pink, a real kinda bright hot pink, and no one would let me! They said that wasn't my color at all, and they kept doing that all the time when we looked at stuff that wouldn't even show, or we weren't really going to buy, and said I could wear mild pinks if it wasn't very much only. And so do you think that's so?
But after the movie we went to a sports store for just girls, and I got two pairs of these things called spirit shorts, that are like what cheerleaders wear when they're not built into the skirt, and so you don't have to worry so much about your skirt showing something with other things because they are thicker or you wear them over panties, though they look just like they are them, or something; I don't know why, but it's OK to show them, maybe just 'cuz cheerleaders do all the time. And when we were looking at them, Kaezee said they were good for keeping Jack and Bill where we wanted them without taping them down, and she said it right out in front of this sales girl that wasn't very friendly, and she just thought Kaezee just meant our boyfriends and the shorts were sexy, at least I hope so anyway, so it was really funny. And so I got a blue and a pink pair, and that was the only time they let me get pink all night.
I had got shrimp quesadilla for dinner. You ever had that? It's good. I think they must do Mexican food out here because the sushi isn't so good. But Ann says she knows of real good places and is going to tell me where, so maybe we just haven't found them yet. But Kaezee has never even had sushi and won't try it! She just eats tempura and stuff there.
And we went and saw "Maid of Honor," and it was OK, I think, there were real funny parts, but Kaezee and I kept talking so much the olds around us kept shuss-ing, and we finally moved to a part without people around, and even Ann and Becky wouldn't come with us. We were just making fun of the movie and talking about the actors and other actors and stuff, you know, but we held hands and leaned on each other the whole, whole time, and had even when shopping too. But it wasn't like holding a boy's hand -- I mean like dating holding hands; just we wanted to do that.
And when we went to the bathroom I told her about what Daddy said about it being best and OK where you were most comfortable, and she liked that a lot, but said it could make other people uncomfortable, but they didn't have a reason and about lesbians anyway, and it really just being their prejudice that made them not comfortable anyway, not the people. And it is weird and a half going pee when taped down the first time, but you probably didn't want to hear about that, huh?
But OK anyway, I'm almost done, Marsh. Just one more thing to tell about.
After the movie we got drinks at the food court, and I saw an instant T-shirt place. And I snuck away with Ann, because I was using her charge card for everything by then, and got Kaezee a T-shirt that says "A Very Unusual Kinda Girl" on it, and when I gave it to her she pretended to sneak off (but I knew what she was doing. Duh.) and got me one too! And I'm going to wear it today when I go to bicycle with Lisa and a friend of hers, and they got mine in sky blue (my color, with greens) and with bright yellow letters, and Kaezee's is pink (because she wouldn't let me get any for myself, and it is her color already), with blue. And the letters are scrolly and like cursive. Pretty neat, huh?
But Kaezee had snuck off for real, and got me some Mr Bubble lavender scent while we were looking at lip glosses because, see, she had told me the best way to get the tape off of there was in the shower, but the better, nicer way than that was to do it inside a warm bubble bath.
So now I get to buy her something else real soon. But right now I'm broke totally, and owe Ann like thirty bucks.
Then we drove everybody home, and the security guard guy at the apartment was out front, and he helped me get my stuff into the elevator and didn't even act weirded about what I was wearing because I'd forgot to change.
Then I ran in like I had to go to the bathroom and had to put on some basketball shorts because Daddy was watching TV. But it was already real late so he didn't mind not talking much, and I took a bubble bath and got on your PJs (Pink!!) and then remembered to write and tell you stuff last night, but was too tired to say it, and waited 'til this morning to tell you everything, everything. And I really hope you don't mind too much, because it was like getting to do it all again a little, you know?
Anyway, I'm so sorry for being so -- what's that 'verb' word? Dinosaur book time. -- You knew I meant 'thesaurus', right? Sounds like a dinosaur's name, right? So 'verbose' was what I was thinking of, but can I be 'loquacious' instead? I like how it sounds better.
OK, so I got to get dressed. I'm still in my PJs, and I'm going to wear my blue skirt and the pink spirit pants to bicycle with them. And my Unusual Girl shirt too!!
Bye, Marsh
Your little sis (since I'm still in my nightie),
Skye
& Loves and Hugs!!
P.S.: And, Marsh, I was kinda all weirded at the start in the morning, but I just am not any more.
Don't let anyone else know, OK?
So, what do you think about Kaezee?
A: Wonderful, B: Fantastic, C: Awesome, D: Amazing, E: All the above
:-)))
"...maybe you think I'm totally weird but, Mars; they feel good, and they are, and I've never gotten to before, ... they are just real important. I mean there are so many things to wear now...."
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
>>Sunday, May 4th (night)
Hey MIKE!!!!
Great to get you letter. I really am sorry about all that. Just blew up I guess, and I'm really sorry, and I'm just so glad you're not all mad about it.
Yeah, the hair cut thing. Look, that was an accident, and she didn't really mean to do that or anything. Just a mistake. OK? It was about my costume and things. All right?
I'm really, extra glad you talked to Dad and got the things about school fixed up, man!! That's great news. The Old Guy and Marsha won't say anything to me about any of that.
Too bad you got to study so hard now too -- no faith, dude -- you shoulda knowed it would work out. Right?
Mars is all done with classes already she told. Now she's got three days for just reading and then just tests and papers due after that. You like that too? College is so neat like that, right?
Schools here get out on the twenty-third this year because Memorial Day's so early, you know? And they never have to go after that, and that's lots earlier then the schools back home. But they go back real early in August and get less holidays, I think.
You planning anything for the summer? It would be great if you and Mars might be able to come here for a visit or meet us somewhere.
So long for now,
Jude
P.S.: So look, around here lots of people call me Sky, like Marsha always did, you know? Why is a real long story, but so I'll probably start using that, OK? I kind of like it better than Jude these days, but I spell it Skye, which is this island pronounced the same way. You can call me Jude still if you wanna though -- just don't call me late for dinner. (HaHa)
>>Sunday, May 4th (night, an hour later)
Hi's Marsh,
Guess what!!
Michael wrote me today, so I guess he's over being mad. He didn't mind telling the little squirt that Daddy had said he'd help with money and stuff. So score one for Michael in the Who's Nicest Contest. :-P
I guess he's going to help you with it too, right? C'mon, Mar --Tell me already!
Gah, BTW I can't believe college is like that. You're all done! 'Guess I can't gripe about it this year, but I just got done with two hours with my math and science tutor, and she was a lot less funny than the writing guy.
So you're really doing that thing at the museum? And you get to sit in a backroom and mess with old books and tapes and stuff all day, during the summer, and you don't get paid, and this is a good thing? Blahhhh, Marsha!! OK, OK. But there is a reason I call you Martian sometimes!! (Just kidding, you know; I still like you, OK?)
Marsh, if you're staying at our mother's will I still be able to write to you? She won't like it, you know. What do you think?
You think there's any chance for us getting together this summer sometime? Or are you going to be all tied up all the time? I don't think our mother should know about that either, but maybe somehow. I'd like to see you is all, you know? But probably won't, huh?
I rode my bike a long way with Lisa and her friend, Amanda. There's a real long bike path that used to be a railroad behind the big houses and golf course, and it even has bridges over the big roads, and we went all the way to this park that has this really nice garden. Parts that are all like a rain forest and parts that are roses and flower beds. And lots of animals that mostly got hurt and were rescued in a little zoo part -- that's kinda sad -- but it was still nice and real fun. Amanda is pretty OK I think.
There were some boys there that kept looking over at us and stuff, but no one said anything, so it was OK.
So that's it.
Kaezee can study with IM on, and I've been talking to her tonight too. But I know how you just take studying more serious and don't want to get distracted and about the time difference.
So, I'm glad you are over Jim, I guess. Now, this George guy -- he sounds really nice!
Byes
Loves and Hugs,
Skye
>>Monday, May 5 (night)
Hi, Marsh,
No!! I'm not sick at al!! I didn't write this morning because Ms Y. was coming by, and I had to get my 'puter stuff all done early. She took me out to lunch and, yeah, I wore 'nice' clothes as Ann and Becky euphemistically called them.
(I got a vocab widget on my 'puter. :-P Did you know that some people use the euphemism for a euphemism for the bathroom -- because there are so many euphemisms for it. (Even bathroom is lots of the time, right?) It told me that.)
But I think Ms Y. is real weird still. But not in the weird way and stuff I was scared about before, or even about not having problems with me dressing like this. She said she knows that I had a hard year but not any of the details (like she wanted me to be sure of that), and that it just has to do with what she had told me before about liking to be able to say "yes" and all, and she just thinks I seem happier when in my "girl mood"; that's what she called it. And I said I'm not happier really but can be like it more, sort of.
Anyway, we has lots of fun, just us today. And she was real, real surprised to see me in "girl mood" when she showed up, and that surprised me, you know, because I'd thought that was the whole point. But anyway she was happy I was, she said, because she didn't really know what to do with a boy for a whole day (and she had come to get me before Andrea got there.), but knew what to do with a girl, and that meant shopping. And I was glad, because I wanted to go with her, because there were some things I think I needed, and I didn't know if Ann and Becky, or even Kaezee, weren't kind of going over board when they made suggestions. You know, for like going out to breakfast like we had, or something, but they were better for movie or hanging-out clothes for sure.
So that's what we did all day, well until about three o'clock when I had my appointment thing.
But you know what, Mars? She is real, real, real rich! Even more than I thought. I guess not Bill Gates rich, but up there. She says that her great-grandfathers had tons of money, but says that since she didn't actually pick her great-grandfathers that doesn't really make her different from people who didn't pick their real poor great-grandfathers. So, instead of just flying around the world, she is on all these boards and stuff and tries to use it for things, but isn't crazy and isn't going to give it all away though. But they have three houses, a mountain one and a beach one.
And at lunch we talked about a whole lot of deep stuff, not just why I like wearing girl things, but lots and lots. Like, she said that there is a disease that rich kids can get from hanging around poor kids, and it is that they think the money does make them better and that the poor kids tell them that too, and soon they can't tell the difference from a friend and someone who just likes hanging in fancy places and stuff and getting things from them.
And she said she thinks I won't give Lisa that disease, and that's one reason she likes me too. And that the disease the poor kids get is maybe worse because being a friend gets to be more like something to get paid for, but that it doesn't spread to everyone in their lives like the rich kid's one does. Did I say that OK?
She didn't call them rich kids and poor kids when she was talking though, because she meant even kids from families like ours that really are doing OK and Daddy's successful and all. And that being in our group can actually make it so you can get either disease, or both. And that's one reason that some rich people try to separate their kids at private schools and boarding schools too, but sometimes that backfires. And, OK, lots like that.
Daddy latter said he thought that Ms Y thought she was slumming it, living in that giant house with only three servants plus the gardeners, but it had to do with things that happened in her life that upset her but, of course, he wouldn't say what to me.
But she also said, when I complained about Andrea being grumpy last week, how she understood how annoying having people running around doing things for you was and that that was why people with lots of servants always had large houses, so they didn't have to watch (she always puts stuff in ways like that. :-P), and that was actually the reason why she came to 'rescue' me from Andrea for today. So maybe she just doesn't like having lots of peeps around either.
And Ms Y says that I have an intriguing mind, and she wasn't talking about me liking to be a girl at times then either, and that that didn't mean I made plots and schemes, because that's what I thought of at first, but I knew it means interesting too. But that it was how I had got her to talk like that, and talked about it back, and then she looked over, and I was sitting on my legs in the booth and was just a little girl, her daughter's friend. And don't you hate it when olds say things like that and all? I mean what do you say back, huh? But I like that she said it.
So, I like her a lot, Mars, she's weird and nice too, But she laughed when I told her she should try to get Daddy to take her out more (and I said that it was only so I'd get more babysitting money and could pay for the present that I had got him.). So I guess that idea might not be working out. (And Daddy kind of laughed pretty hard when I tried to hint about it too last Friday when eating out.)
But that was kind of what led to all that other stuff about friends too. Because, she said, the best person and best man she ever knew wanted a warm study full of books, a little garden to dig in, and a glass of nice wine a few times a week; and that having many houses with lots of rooms and large grounds and wine cellars meant he couldn't have any of those three things. And I guess that was Lisa and Wendy's dad.
But I got into all that and it's almost time to go to bed, and I haven't told you the important stuff!
I got two more dresses today and really, really nice ones! One is a dark green, real smooth one that has an empire waist with a ribbon that can be changed but comes with a white one and balloon sleeves, and the other is a dark blue one, because Ms Y says you always need to have one, and it's waist is regular and it has buttons up the front with like fake frogs that are light blue and is mid-calf, but not real heavy, and I got both of those at Nordstrum, and I kind of didn't want to because it was so much, but Ms Y. said I should. And I got a light blue, shiny skirt that is like all different places at the hem, like zigzagged, you know? One place is real high. And it has a fringe, and I got three new nice tops, two blouses: pale blue and plain and a peter pan collar the same color, and I got a gold pin, called a Celtic knot, to wear with it too, and a white one with three-quarter sleeves and a bow at the neck, and one yellow that has the long pieces to tie where boy clothes would have the tail, like the one of Lisa's I wore one time.
But I got some grungy stuff -- not grungy, like boys do, but just not as nice -- because Ms Y says I don't have to be a girly girl all the time, and I had already thought about that. So I got two regular Ts, but one with lots of flowers and one with playing puppies because, if you're gonna wear stuff a boy would wear, why be a girl, right?
And when I told Ms Y I couldn't wear pink because I was orange, she said, "Nonsense!" So I got a pink (but almost purple) top that's short and has frills on the sleeves and collar. But I didn't get any shorts or stuff; except a pair of blue jeans with bell bottoms and flowers, and some red blue jeans with straight legs, and these real cute yellow shorts, and some sweat pants that only come to just below the knee, kelly green ones and bright red ones; even though Ms Y wanted me to, because I explained about having all your old stuff, which already gave me lots of those things, but the jeans all being too long and those sweat pants not being around way back then I guess.
I think she wanted me to stop borrowing Lisa's, so I got lots of panties, four packs, and I just got plain ones because Ms Y was with me and all. I mean with designs on them and good colors and stuff, but not like the ones we looked at on Saturday. :-P And I got them with the waist at lots of different places and things too, And I got them all too small though, Ms Y. thought, and I didn't explain it to her why (I mean she should get that, after what she got me.). And I like them, they feel good, and I think my favorite are actually the just plain white ones with just little ruffles on the legs, but they aren't so tight so some things they won't work with for me without something else, but they look cute I think, and I also like the low cut, but not bikini ones that have flowers embroidered on the waist, and so now I can wear them all the time. Kaezee explained how the Victoria's Secret stuff wasn't good for very unusual kinda girls usually, except on top of other things, and regular tight panties can be better and quicker to get into.
I got three bras too, Marsh. :-P I didn't get real padded ones or anything, I don't want to be a lady like yet, so the regular ones are OK (well a little added, you know.) Kaizee has some special forms to use, and she has started to grow because she's been taking pills for it for over a year, but isn't as big as Becky yet, who's fourteen and not that big.
OK. You're loquacious kid sis is done now. This got almost as long as yesterday's monster, huh?
But know what else, at the very end Ms Y got mad at her self -- you know, not really, she just said it -- because we forgot all about shoes and have to go back on Wednesday. And I told her I got the six pairs on Saturday, but she thinks I need at least two more of real good ones for dressy things and some new tennis shoes in a different color than blue, which would be good.
But, BTW she didn't buy all that stuff, she just took me. Because that would have been like having that disease she said about, true? But I asked Daddy to gave me a charge card before he left this morning, and also, except for the two real nice outfits, we got it all at Macy's and Limited too, and those place, and Filene's Basement and Target too.
But it was an awful lot of stuff, I guess. How much money does Daddy have, do you think? I think he gets lots more out here than he did back home, but I don't know how much. And he kinda growled when I asked for the card, but not real seriously at all. But you know what? He never did ask anything about what I had bought and anything, and I guess he knew that I was going to buy things like I did and did on Saturday too.
But, Marsh, he must just be totally OK with it, right? Is it maybe just not all that weird after all? Everybody almost all around here seems to think it's OK anyway. I mean Ms Y, the kids, Becky and Ann, everybody in the world. And sometimes that makes me feel weird too, because I know that my doing all this and doing it so much is weird!!!! Big Time Weird.
And listen, Mars, I know I talked and talked about clothes and shopping a lot for two real, real long letters now, and maybe you think I'm totally weird but, Mars -- but they feel good, and they are, and I've never gotten to before, you know? It's like Kaezee said they are just real important. I mean there are so many things to wear now. And, Mars, it just feels nice to now. Is that weird? It's not like I like to because it's something dirty. I mean, I know some boys might, but it's just different. I can't say it well, is all. Is that OK? If our mother ever knew she would kill me, I know. What would Michael think? Ms Y. is like it's OK, and so is Daddy, because he sees me in nighties and PJs, and I wore one of you old camisole tops last night, and he didn't even notice, I think. So it is OK with lots of people, so it's not crazy or perv, right?
But there is another thing I want to tell you too. There were these boys that were riding skateboards at the park on all the walks and stuff yesterday, and we were sitting on the little kids play ground things, you know, the little rocker things on springs shaped like animals, and drinking, and I said something funny about Brad Pitt, and Amanda likes him lots, and she pushed me off mine, and I fell on the ground with my legs way up. And this boy was looking over, you know?
But he was looking right, right at me, right there!! When I was like that. And OK, that is one of the things about being a girl, and it's OK to show those shorts because that's their real purpose and all. And I know that I didn't have bulges, I think, because I'd checked, even though I'd had to kind of rearrange things for the bicycle, so I don't think he saw something like that. But Marsh, I think it's that boy that's Zack's partner in Fly Fishing! And he was looking and with his mouth open.
And Kaizee says to add it to my list of things to forget about, and I am, and that he probably would have looked like an idiot looking at any girl, and he probably didn't know it was me because lots of people look alike, and that most people don't decide that you're a very special kinda girl when they see you even if your lips are thin or jaw too big a little, because lots of other girls have that too. And that it might not have been him anyway.
And Lisa wants to tell Amanda, and I'm afraid she will, even though I have blackmail things on her, because Amanda might not even care or understand or already know about that thing. And Ms Y says that there will probably be more people that I have to tell, and even said that Amanda would be one of the best ones to let in on it, but that there are lots of people that will understand.
And I don't want that, Marsha!! You know!! Because they won't understand no matter what they say, OK?
And I don't know if all these people that "understand" now are trying to get me to do this stuff more and more too. But sometimes I think they are, and I'm glad because it's OK when I'm like that, but still the more that know then -- I don't know what. I just keep getting it all mixed up. A lot, I guess.
So, OK. I guess. I just feel better like this, but -- I don't know why -- or what I mean. You know?
I think Kaezee might be back from her meeting by now, or maybe a bath, and I got to do my hair tonight. OMG it is real late!!!
Bye
Loves and Kiss!!
Skye
>>Tuesday, May 6 (very early morning, forty minutes after last letter)
Hi again,
This is just a PS to the long letter earlier is all.
Since you got all exams and papers and stuff, do you want me to stop writing so much??
I can, you know. I know how extra crazily serious you take all that stuff and all?
Loves and Hugs
Skye
OK, OK, Marsh,
Geez, I won't stop already! OK? I hope you don't mean I am the break in your day because the stuff I say is so dumb and funny. ?? Because I could sure see some people doing like that, but I couldn't see you doing it though, so alright.
So the only reason I didn't write this morning was because Daddy told me to be sure to get all of yesterday's computer stuff done first thing and to get caught up. And I guess I should know all you've seen today is what I sent yesterday, because it's already tomorrow where you're at, but I know college people stay up real late so maybe you will still get this today, huh?
Nothing to give you a break though. Not even Zack at origami class did anything except laugh when he looked at me, and even the boys at his table and other girls got annoyed at him for it, and he stopped. Lisa and Amanda and I all three started on our finale projects in pottery and are going to try to make like fake flowers out of clay, and the teacher says that's the hardest of the choices we had. Oh, I got my bowl thing back and it turned out to be green and yellow instead of the colors I'd wanted. (It's a plot! Even the rec center won't let me have something pink!) But it is real pretty.
Then I met with my Social Science tutor. Can you say "Dull". Not him so much, just the stuff. I don't get it, Marsh, if history is so good when they do movies about it, why does it have to be dull to study? OK, /whine.
So now I feel bad about not writing an uber long, long letter. :( But I got to write something to Michael. Did he tell you what I told about the haircut thing? Well, he wants me to talk more about it, and I don't know if I want to, but I got to at least say I'm not. And I even signed off with Kaezee to think about that.
Bye.
Loves and Hugs,
Skye
P.S.: I've got my doctor's appointments change to the mornings now because I don't have school. And I won't be around when Andrea gets here. So, no morning news casts tomorrow, and I'm going to lunch and buy shoes with Ms Y., but in the afternoon. OK?
Hi, Mike,
OK, yeah, you know, I'd heard that poem about "no man is an island" thing before and stuff, but thanks for calling me that still. Maybe I'm not an island either, but I still like that name. And I'd read about it on line, but I didn't know that was where you and Dad went and caught a salmon, and all I got was a t-shirt that said "all I got was a t-shirt", when you went to England that time. But, yeah I'd thought it seemed real nice and empty when reading about it too.
You don't think it sounds too girly like, do you?
But about the haircut thing and her, you asked about. I guess you're right and should hear it from somewhere.
So, I guess it started on Halloween last year. I didn't have any plans. I'd only been there for about six weeks, and there weren't a lot of peeps for me to get to know anyway, but there was this one little kid, I don't know, a couple of years behind me, and he had a sister, who was in eighth grade at my school, and they lived next door.
Anyway, our mother didn't like me to spend time with them much, she didn't like me to go anywhere much.
But on Halloween they drove into their house just as we were getting home, and the boy was in his costume already, because they had had a class party probably, and he was a hobo BTW.
So the lady asked what I was being and stuff, and I said nothing because I had forgotten about it. And the lady was like: "Oh, come over, and we'll get you fixed up."
So she didn't want me to, I could tell, but she didn't want to say that in front of a grown-up.
So the girl tried to invent a costume for me, and the best, besides just a sheet to be a ghost, was this old like table cloth around me and a blue clown wig and an old shirt to be a bag lady, which went along good with the boy's hobo, and they got old towels inside my shirt to make real big boobs, you know. And I had four shopping bags that could be for candy, and we made them look already full. And they thought it was real funny, and I got it all off before I went home.
Then two days later she was at the grocery store and saw their mother and saw the pictures from Halloween, and came home and yelled about how awful I was, and that her son didn't do things like that, and lots of stuff, and then decided it was my hair that gave them the idea, and the costume had had a wig, and my hair was still short then because it had almost been cut off just before school, remember? But she decided to shave it, and her shaver for her legs got all filled up and she found the thing I'd used to take the stickers off of the new mirror in a drawer. And I guess I was upset too, because she called me cry-baby, and I shouldn't act like that too, and it just got her worse, and then I guess I jerked my head, and the cutter thing slipped, and I started to bleed and she left and blocked the door so I had to stay.
But I don't think she really meant to do it, or anything. And, Mike, she has always not liked me, and I made her unhappy, you know? At least some, some times. And she got more like that starting last year and then more when we moved, and then all the time. And she also thought Daddy was to blame for it, which is why she wanted a divorce, and he didn't act right about lots too, she said.
And so anyway that's what happened then, and then the stuff with the courts and all. And I guess you can know because you want too, but I wish I didn't know. OK?
OK, bye. Break a leg on all you test and stuff.
Cya, Skye
"...when she saw my room she said it was never to late to have a girlhood, or at least the mementos...."
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
>> Wednesday, May 7 (early afternoon)
Hi-s, Marsh,
Working hard? OK here's your break for the Sky Update. :))
But I don't really know what I can tell you about since just last night really. Well, the shoes I got today.
Ms Y. didn't have tons of time this time, but I wound up with four new pairs, and one has high heals! Only two inches and real wide, but still. The other is some white flats and two pairs running shoes, but one all white and one with green, but I have to find a chance to wear the heels around Lisa before she has some! And there really aren't that many.
And I got some new bags, a messanger one, that I can use even as a boy, and a real cute tiny back back too. And then we had lunch again, and Ms Y kept asking me questions about what I like in school, and about books, so it was back to more like a regular talk with an old this time. She had to go to a meeting then, so I got back here.
So that's all my shopping news, Marsh. Well, it was fun and, yeah, I got a ton of this stuff now, huh? And I've got to find somewhere to wear the heels!!
And changing the doctor's appointments doesn't really work, because now I just here after Andrea has already started her work, today it's only a few hours, but most times I'll still have to get into the kitchen to make my lunch and stuff still. And today I had some clothes to wash, and Daddy takes most of that to this wash-and-fold place or the cleaners, but I do some of mine in this tiny little washer/dryer in a closet in his bathroom, and she was in there cleaning when I went in and just stared at me. And now I'm stuck until she leaves. :(
But I've got lot's of 'puter classes stuff, I guess.
But you know something? I was thinking, and sometimes I feel like stuff happens so fast that there are things that I always plan to tell you and they just get lost. And that's why I wish I could just see you some so much, because in letters it never is like just regular talking.
Like I never told you I'm reading "Pride and Prejudice", and that, instead of a movie, Daddy took me to a bookstore last Friday -- yeah, well you would have thought it was better maybe even, but not so much me, and I do like reading too, you know -- but anyway, I wanted to get it, and he pretended he wasn't going to let me because it was ruined now because I'd seen the movie version and all that again, but I got it, and it's not ruined at all. The letter part that was good in the movie, the real long TV movie, was even better in the book. And you know what I figured out, and it was maybe too fast in video to notice, Mr. Darcy is the least prejudiced one of them all!
It's like not, like, about prejudice like we would call that -- you know, that some kinds of people are bad or something, but like making judgments on what you expect (Which yeah that is what prejudice is), but I mean it's about making assumptions about someone, and then no matter what happens, seeing the happening as proving the assumption about the person. Right? And, yeah, I talked about it with Ms Y. but she didn't give me that, I thought of it before.
And he stops first; Lizzie doesn't until after the letter. And Daddy was like: "well, duh", but with a smile, and you probably are too, right? But anyway, I think that is neat. So. But do you think that Jane Austin thought that that was because Lizzie was so special or because Darcy was? Because I think it was Darcy.
And aren't you glad we don't name people things like Fitzwilliam anymore? Ugh. But Darcy is nice, huh?
And you know if you were around more I could tell about it more and things, but with letters it's different, and things like that don't get into them because other stuff keeps happening.
Daddy made me get "Emma" too, but he said I could learn something from it, so now I'm sort of afraid to read it, and I haven't got to the end of the other yet anyway. And I've also started one of those Lois Lowery books, but so far I think they are just sequels, but not real bad because she is real good.
So anyway, all the rest of the day I've got nothing to do because I already went to the doctor's. And Kaezee has been like it is super important to tell her about me liking to be a girl sometimes real, real soon. So I told her today.
Bye. Work hard, but not TOO hard
Loves and Hugs
Skye
Hi!!!
I'm going fishing at last!!!! Daddy doesn't have to go to the dialysis place at all, at all, all this whole weekend, and doesn't have to go to his office either, and he's even going to get someone to cover for him on part of Friday, and we're going to get to leave right after my doctor's and not be back until Sunday!!
I just had to tell you that, but it's uber late, because Kaezee showed up at the door, and I didn't even know because I let the battery run out on my cell. She came with Ann and Becky, but she wound up eating with us still. Mostly we just hung out in my room all night, and she kept calling me Tomboy because I was so excited about fishing. So I'm going to get to bed and tell you about the stuff you asked about tomorrow, OK?
But listen, when she saw my room she said it was never to late to have a girlhood or at least the mementos, and so, since all I have is Prince, that's the frog Daddy gave me, and about five of you stuffed animals and my Mickey D's Belle, we raided your room and she talked me into putting some of your real old Barbies and other dolls around, and I'm just sort of using them for decorations, and is that OK? I can put them back if you want. I didn't take Kristin because she is way yours too much, and I wouldn't.
She is just kind of hard to argue with, and it's not because she is like going to wrestle you if you don't, but just that she goes so fast that it all makes sense and is way too good an idea to argue about, you know?
And she also showed me these sites where you can dress up Barbie and other things on line, because I don't go on to CoH any more because I'm Zack's global friend, and he would know if I were there. And we did that until Ann came to get her.
And it's not me that has too much of a jaw, that's Kaezee, but I don't really have any cheek bones, and hers are kind of high for if she were a boy. Ann and Becky told me last week that I looked real good, and they also said that I don't have a brow ridge at all, but Kaezee isn't sure about that, but they do arch a little, and they still pulled out about twenty of my eye brows and Kaezee did some more on Saturday, and she works on hers a lot. But my eyes are close together with light eye brows and my best part. And they say I have a sweet nose too which helps the cheek bone thing. But they all say I don't have any lips and need to get bee stings, which is this stuff that comes from bees to make lips bigger they were talking about. And Kaezee has great lips.
So that's one thing you asked about that I don't have to say anything about in the next letter, because that's what I meant about jaws and lips that time, and Kaezee wants to get her brow bone shaved and her jaw and a thing put in her chin that's kind of flat, and a nose job, and plastic surgeons can do all that, but the chin isn't really about looking more like a girl, and the nose only sort of is. And my voice is still high, and if I start soon I might not lose that, and that's why she wanted me to talk about it to Dr. Ross right away.
But Dr. Ross didn't really say anything -- do shrinks ever say anything?? -- but just asked me to tell about it and stuff, and all like that.
OK, and so, there is the other neat thing. I went on a bike ride after I wrote you today to get out of the way and all, and I went the other way on that railroad path thing, and not very far there are these two really neat looking house just sitting there. And they look like they are real old ones, with a round tower with a cone on top of one, and real long porches, but they aren't, more like brand new, and they have big chain fences all around. And there is only two, but the streets are even new looking and real long. Daddy says they might be models someone built that wanted to make a new neighborhood, but then over a year ago the money dried up and no one buys houses now, which I was smart enough not to ask about that. But there were men working putting grass down on one of them, and it is pale blue with dark red shutters and stuff, and the other is yellowish-white with teal, and it's the one with the round thing. But they were neat and looked all lonely out by themselves empty.
Well, nite.
So, again I got long, didn't I? But one thing led to another, and it's good because I don't have to answer that stuff tomorrow, and Daddy says I can't leave until I have all my 'puter classes through Friday done, and I'm like way behind, and he says I should not go to the rec classes even. And the lodge place we're going to doesn't have internet or even cell phones either, so this might be it for a while. OK?
Loves and hugs,
Skye
P.S.: Don't break your brain because I'm not around to distract ya'
Hi, Marsh
There was the other thing that you asked about that I forgot last night.
When I told Dr. Ross about the stuff, she really didn't seem surprised at all. You know shrinks practice that, I think. But she just wanted to know how I felt when I did it and all that like I said, and you know Daddy really knows and stuff, so I know he talks to her sometimes.
See, Marsh, it is really like no one around really cares I do this. I mean Ann and Becky are always talking about the people at Anime cons and places, and you never looked at it but there are some manga where the peeps have to dress like girls a lot, or turn into girls, and people dress up like them for the meetings. They think it is cool.
And Daddy doesn't mind, and you.
And she said that some people want to change because they don't like who they are, but changing the way they present (which means how they dress and like that) or even their body, won't help that. And that other peeps want to change because they want to be who they really are inside, and we -- I -- must to find which is me. And she's kinda right, you know? I didn't like being me much, and I really, really wanted to be something different and maybe that's why I liked it when the Youngers asked me to go to that breakfast that time, is all. And it's like hard to figure out, and I don't know. OK?
But, Mars, I do know I feel good those times, and just like it, you know?
And I don't even know if I should talk about this because it was with her and all, and we talked about our mother, and that would be against our rules to say about, right?
But for the fishing trip I got to be old Jude again with Daddy, right? And that will be even at night and everything. And I think I might be happy about that because it has been a while, so it's good.
But, Marsha, did Daddy ever talk to you about these things even before?? Did he like think I might start doing this stuff? I mean before?
nvm
Bye, I got to do the classes work more.
Love ya'
Skye
Hey, Mike
I don't want to argue again, really, really, please. But she did hate me a lot.
I don't remember about when I was just a baby, but I remember lots.
Your right, when I broke my arm that time she did take real good care of me, like you said, I know that, I remember that, and helped me a lot, and other times when I was sick too. She was always real, real nice then. She said I was the perfect sick kid, and I even thought I was a pain then. I used to hope to get sick just for that, but you know it had to be major and not something faked.
But that wasn't most times, Michael. She just always hated me and even in court said so. But, Mike, I've talked about this with people and stuff, it's not something I thought up, but they said it's not right for me to tell you to hate her, OK? You can love her because she was different with you always, OK?
And it wasn't like she was ever terrible, I know. She never used to really hurt me until after she moved, just slapped. But she called me stuff and was, like, always telling me to do things different, and I couldn't even act friendly or anything. I knew lots of kids that really had mean parents, worse maybe, and I know about kids getting beaten and tied up and all that and she wasn't that, until the last fall, but I also know that I was always afraid of her, even when she was nice, because I didn't know, ever, what it was that made her so mad.
The only time she ever got mad at you was going ballistic for you not going to that lacrosse scholarship thing, not even when you took the car after midnight, or back when you threw toilet paper in that girl's trees and put salt in her grass for a heart. She just laughed and stuff, remember?
But I couldn't laugh right or play right or anything, and you're stuff was on the refrigerator until the paper fell apart, and you were embarrassed about it because you were so old, but all my pictures when I was little, and I tried to make them pretty for her, disappeared in a day. I tried real hard. I remember that, Michael. I do. And I was afraid of her and tried to be what she wanted. But that did hurt, and I didn't even know it hurt or what hurt, I think.
And, see her son would do it right, and hers had to act different, and I had to be like hers would be, and I wasn't. And I knew it was her that hurt, suddenly, when it stopped hurting at the court.
And she said to the judge that I felt too much when I said I'd feel bad if she wasn't my mother anymore and was crying, and she was glad I wasn't hers now, and she wasn't on the stand and he fined her five hundred dollars, and then when I went out and she was between the police people she said I was just a thing, and that that was all I ever was, Michael.
But it's OK. I got where it didn't even hurt by then, like a thing, and I wish I could love her, and I do, but I can't. But you can. Please, because I want her to. So, OK?
So, OK. I don't know. OK? I don't want to talk about it more. OK? Please.
Daddy and I are going fishing tomorrow. I'll get you a trout (or a t-shirt). OK?
Loves, Bro,
Skye
Well, Marsh,
I did it all again. I sent Michael a letter that will probably make him real mad all again.
I shouldn't have, but he was asking questions, and I shouldn't have said the things.
But tell him I didn't mean it -- I didn't want him to hate me, OK?
Hi, Mike
Geezz!!! Categorical imperatives, Phenomenology, Epistemology??? All in one letter? You're trying to make my brain pop, right??
Is this like your way to say you're not mad, and we can talk about something else?? OK. But a different something else, PLEASE!!! And if a murder is looking for me -- LIE!! The situation does too matter, and that doesn't mean everybody else can always lie either. That's just over-dumb, no matter how smart that Kant guy was.
But OK so, I'll talk about something else.
The fishing place we went was way uber-cool, all forest with a lake and streams and mountains to walk around. We got tons of fish, and cooked some in the cabin, but released most of course. Both trout and bass. (I forgot your t-shirt. They didn't have a gift shop there, I think. Ooops.)
But I do know one thing that's a phenomena, Mike: the sky. You see it because that's just what you see, but that's different from not being real, and it does change how you feel and things, and effects lots of things. That, and islands being so apart like you said, is why I'm changing how I spell my name back again.
Luck on the exam!! Sounds like you got it aced to me, Bro.
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Hi ya', Marsh
We're back! It was a really neat, neat place, Marsh! Way up in the mountains and then you take a turn and there it is, and it had one real big building, and that had a restaurant and places, and then there were all the cabins that you couldn't see as you drove in, and it was all surrounded with woods. And it was pretty snazzy really, not just a fishing place but that's all they really had.
I mean, even though it was a fishing place, that like the restaurant had table cloths and stuff, and you had to dress up and not wear stinky fishing clothes when you went there and, I think, some people came just to be in the woods and mountains too. And when we went in there right after we got there the waiter pulled back the chair for me because it was such a nice place, and that kinda fuddled me because it's never been done before, you know?
But when we got back here there was a letter from Michael, and he's not mad it looks like and talked all about his philosophy stuff, which was even lots worse than when you started talking about buying money and markets and economics stuff just because I said I saw a pretty house. Do I really have to understand all this to go to college? Because I mean: "No Way." But maybe I can just go to worse colleges than you two or something, I guess.
So anyway the most important thing: this morning Daddy gave me a necklace, Marsha. It's a cloud that's gold and about bigger than a quarter by a little, and it's got silver on the edges, because even gold clouds have to, right? And a diamond over by one edge, and a gold chain, and the back says, "Clouds Can't Ruin a Beautiful Sky. Love, Daddy", just real light and small, so you have to look right at it to read or even see.
And he told me that he looked and thought real hard for something that would symbolize a sky better, but I think it's just right, you know?
But I told him about putting on the E, and it being an island, and he didn't frown because it didn't fit his present anymore but did say about that poem about no one being one (which was what Mike had said too), and he asked about if I felt like that, and I said that island did have a road, and he made me count my roads, and I'd never thought about it like that; but you and him and Kaezee now, and Mike is sort of a draw bridge we decided, but Lisa, Ms Y, Wendy, Ann and Becky, and it turned into lots and lots now. And Daddy said if I wanted to be called McKinley or Everest that was OK but please not Kilimanjaro or Kosciuszko, because they were too long. (OK, well I still think he's funny sometimes.) But he meant that knowing that we are separate (like mountains) doesn't mean we are all alone (like islands), see?
And he says that the sky isn't an illusion at all; that not being able to touch it doesn't mean it isn't real, like with love and freedom too. It is a phenomena, which might be like something Mike said about in his letter later, but I don't know. But that the sky is what we experience, and that it makes us feel better because it is there, and it makes us feel warmer on cold days and happier when it is too hot and, even when it does have clouds it is nice to have it all around us and hold us, and it is like it hugs the world. And so I'm not going to use that E anymore. 'K?
Also, Daddy's going to call me Sky from now on, except when he forgets, and except still Judey when he wants to bug me, and Jude Skylar Eliot when he's annoyed big time, he said.
But I got Daddy this pair of big oven mitts that have maybe a Laura Ashley print, because I thought that would be like a joke for today because he cooks sometimes so much now and things, and hadn't thought I'd get something too. And my present was nothing to what I got, but weird: I think he really liked it a lot, almost as much as I love my necklace.
I haven't even got to about the fish we caught or to the boy who tried to kiss me and other stuff this weekend, I know. But I got up at five to fish this morning and had to be home for my science tutor, and had to write Michael and have to get up at the regular time, and Daddy even let me leave all my stunk up clothes by the washer in his bathroom so I could get to sleep early, and I should. So I'll tell you the rest while I'm hiding from Andrea tomorrow, OK?
Loves and Hugs
Sky
"And it seems like everybody likes me lots better when I'm a girl, huh? Even Daddy. And do you too, Marsha?"
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
Hi, Marsh,
Andrea is acting real weird to day!! Like friendly and talking to me. I had a hard time getting away to write you. Really. Maybe, she got into the booze or something, huh? But she didn't smell bad or anything, I mean no more than usual, which is probably cleaning stuff mostly.
But anyway, you remember when you told me about my talking about being a girl when I was like in kindergarten or first grade? Someone told me this morning I should ask more about that, OK? Like how much I meant it and how long? Do you remember? I've got to talk to Daddy about it too, and also about something I said to him when I was in the hospital after I did that stomach thing. Because I don't remember any of it either time.
So anyway, I'm supposed to ask, OK?
Bye, I'm going to take a nap because of not sleeping much when fishing.
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Hi,
WOW, Marsh. OK, so I was a real stupid, silly little kid. Don't rub it in, already. But I don't remember that and, I guess, Dr Ross thinks I should. I remember wanting to not be like that though. That was really a lot. I bet I messed up your studying, and I don't think you needed to. Thanks, and Daddy told me about some things too tonight.
OK, so you want to know all about Rodger, huh? OK, I guess I owe you since you wrote so much for me. He was sweet, and I think he is probably real shy at home and stuff, but you know vacation friends are kind of different.
Anyway, Friday night we ate in the restaurant right after we got there, and this boy, whose name turned out to be Rodger BTW, kept looking over from the next table and smiling and after he came over in the lobby and introduced himself, all real formal and nice, and asked if he could show me this neat place on one of the paths. And Daddy said, "No way," and he said that, even though most boys would be just fine, that that wasn't a good idea and way to big a chance for pretty people to take. :-) (He did, right to me.) And I'd not thought of that kind of thing, you know, it was just meeting a new kid, but he told me to start thinking about it.
And I don't think it would have been dangerous with Rodger really, but Daddy was right though. Because he let us go out and sit on the pier and pretend to fish, because we made way to much noise to get any, and that first time Rodger did put his arm on my shoulders, and I let him!
Then Saturday night we walked along the lake, and he talked all about his baseball team and a lot about the Suns and Shaq mostly (well, you know.), and he held my hand and then when he said good night at our cabin he tried to kiss me, but I didn't let him yet. OK?
That's all, and he was pretty cute with dark brown, but real short, hair and tall and in eighth grade and hates algebra, but smart enough to be in it. And OK, I did peck by his ear just before I went in, but that's all.
Anyway his Mom likes fishing most of all of them, which is why they had come there on Mother's Day and, when we were on our way back on Saturday afternoon, Daddy and I saw them, and they were all fly fishing for real in the river, and he was real good at it, but I never saw him catch anything that way, but his mom did twice.
Daddy and I caught trout too, but only real little ones, because we walked way up the stream and, by sneaking up on little pools staying in the shade, you can catch them there with just a line and without a pole, and I got three tiny guys, and Daddy four, but we let all but three go, and we ate those for dinner just sauteed in butter with potatoes (and chives, because every meal has to have something green, Daddy said). Oh, and we fished for bass on the lake and Daddy caught a giant one, and we let it go to become a record, but we brought the next two biggest (Both Mine, btw) home frozen and let the others all go.
So, I guess you figured out I didn't get to wear all boy clothes and things for the trip, huh? Actually, I was wearing my gypsy dress, with the zigzag hem you know, on Friday with the yellow top that ties at the bottom, and I did it with some of my tummy showing, and that was when I meet Rodger. But mostly I just wore those short sweat pants or shorts and Ts because it was a fishing place, but this morning I got to wear the long white skirt and the blue blouse which was lucky I'd brought because I almost didn't, and it was nice with my new necklace, but I didn't see Rodger at breakfast. I have his email, but I should wait for him first, right?
But the reason I did that, even though I had wanted to wear all boy stuff again for a while, was because I just felt real down after getting and writing that letter to Michael, and talking about it with Dr Ross too. And when I asked Daddy if it was OK, he smiled and said he had been wondering when he would get to see where all his money had gone. And I'm glad I didn't a lot, because it just wouldn't have been as nice or the same.
And oh, btw, I figured out why Andrea was so nice today too, Marsha, and she even made me learn how to stuff a chicken breast tonight too. After she had left I went into Daddy's bathroom to do all my clothes from the fishing trip, and she had already washed and folded them, including my panties, Marsh. And she vacuumed my room, of course, while I was gone this morning too, but now I have all the dolls that Kaezee put around. So now she knows I'm a girl, and so now she's nicer, of course, and so now it's OK for me to be around when she is here. (hehe)
And it seems like everybody likes me lots better when I'm a girl, huh? Even Daddy. And do you too, Marsh?
Whatever, I'm still tired, I guess. That's the bad part of fishing. Nite.
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
P.S.: But, Marsha, there's something else I gotta ask about. If I'd been wearing baggies and a black shirt or something, I might have gotten to know Roger, and he could have shown me the neat place on the trail then, but I couldn't have laughed at the funny things he said then. I would have moaned or something. And when we skipped rocks, we would both have had to try real hard to go further, or skip the most.
And when we were there, and walking down the mountain after fishing and all, I held Daddy's hand; and even when just talking to people at the lodge, I could stand or lean against him. And he could put his arm around me, and I don't think he used to mind doing that so much, but our mother would have glared at us or bit her lip and stuff even when I was like nine or ten or even less. Maybe it's because he didn't mind then, that she could make up in her mind some of the things she said she thought he did. But she didn't like me to do that with her either ever, not in front of people, unless it was because I might do something wrong.
But I could do all that this weekend, and it's all because I had tops with flowers on them or shell sleeves or spaghetti straps, and not dark grungy things. C?
Hi, Mar,
I forgot to tell you something important again last night. Daddy has to go to Boston, and then to that hospital in Minnesota again for a long time.
But, I guess I'm lucky I met Lisa and Ms Y. so quick, because I'm staying with them instead of having Andrea sleep here, because Daddy doesn't want me alone so long. That means I won't get to write you so much -- so you'll have to study harder, huh? -- because I'll be using Lisa's computer in her room, but I'll get to write some still.
He's going tomorrow, and he didn't tell me about 'til on the drive back to not mess up the vacation.
So, of course, that means I will have to be a girl the whole time there because of their maids and everything, and I don't know when I'll get to be good plain old Jude again. But it might be all right.
Besides I'm Jude right now and in school type clothes because some lady is coming to talk to me, and Daddy didn't tell me until today, but he wouldn't say what it was all about but didn't seem like it was something all serious and to worry about. But I have to look nice, and she's coming with Ms Y.
So I'll write you as much as I can when I'm over at their house, OK.
Cya
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
I'm in Marsh!!!
But I don't even know where!
They came, and the lady told me to sit in the living room, and Ms Y. went into the kitchen, and she asked if I knew what it was about, and I didn't, like I told you, and she said that she liked to do it that way so people didn't rehearse for her and hadn't even told Daddy until yesterday it would be today.
"But don't be nervous," she said; like ever saying that doesn't do the opposite!!
And then she asked me about subjects and my old school and teachers and stuff. And by then I knew it was a school interview, because I'm not totally stupid, you know. And she said she knew I had a real hard, hard year, and I just gulped, and she didn't ask anymore about it.
At the end she asked what I did when I was anxious about something and what times I got that way. And I said, I think I start talking fast and can go on and on and won't like stop, even if it's in the class and, also, I do it when I'm excited, even if it's something we're learning about but, if someone says I'm doing it, I stop real fast. And she said I was doing it right then, and I bit my lips, and she smiled, and I talked slower and told her how sometimes I'm just the opposite and get real shy.
And I thought I'd blown it, Marsh. But she said, "Sky, it won't be official until July, but there is no way I'm turning down a seventh grader who can do the work, wants to grow up to be a professional reader (I don't even remember talking about that!), and demands to be allowed to take Algebra in eighth grade." And then she shook my hand.
I'm not supposed to tell because she's going to call Daddy first, so don't say anything real soon about it.
Anyway, Ms Y. is taking her back somewhere and then taking me out to lunch, so she will tell me where it is, and I'll tell you later, and I got to change clothes real fast.
Bye,
Sky
Well, Marsh,
I got in, yeah, but I flunked. Ms Y told me that it was the Hall, Westcott Hall, that I got into, but not about the other thing.
I've got to be a seventh grader all over again if I go there, Marsh. You don't mind do you? Daddy is like it's no big deal; it isn't a bad thing about me, but just about all the school I missed this year, and that because I had a lot on my mind the whole time, and that it is a real good school, and I knew that already.
I don't think I really mind and all, it's just what do I tell people forever? Daddy says I don't have to tattoo it to my forehead, and it's a private thing, only to tell the important people and they wouldn't hold it against me. And I guess that's mostly right, but I remember how some people treated some people because of it. But maybe WH won't be that way, huh?
But Daddy is real happy, and I'm happy to, I guess, it is where all the nicest people I know go to and all, right?
OK, but also the other bad thing for the day. Another Zack the Zero thing. He wasn't at the origami class to laugh at me for no reason, but then, when I was riding home, he and his "posse", were out in front of the Seven-Eleven when I was going through the parking lot, and he started yelling like, "Yooo Hooo, Jesse-EE" and stuff. And I ignored him and kept riding faster, and he ran out ahead of me and threw his drink at me and got it all over my top.
The little dweeb -- the super-dweeb I mean!! Do you think I should send him an email and threaten to send those pictures to the cops or his parents or something, Marsh? I'm really thinking about it, but I don't have the pictures, and it might not work.
So, like I told you, Daddy leaves for the hospital in the morning, and I won't see him after he drops me at my appointment. And I'm all packed and everything. He took me to get sushi tonight, both for going away and to celebrate getting in. We went to that same place because I haven't got any of Ann's yet, and I wore a tiered skirt and baby doll top because I'm already Judey-tan there, you know.
And you know what I've changed six times today, into boy's school stuff this morning, into a sun dress for lunch, into basketball shorts and a dark T for the rec. center, into tight shorts and a top when I got home because of Zack Zilch, into the skirt for sushi, and into jeans when my tutor guy was here. And now I got to change for bed (a long nightie, I think - hehe - :) ). It's kinda fun -- but I wish one wasn't 'cus of Slurpee all over me.
You know the lady this morning did say I was smart, kinda, didn't she? And she had seen my records and test and stuff. And Ms Y said the only strings she pulled was because of being so late, which wasn't that big of a string, and that she didn't have a big enough one to get someone that didn't belong there in. So I can't be uber-dumb, right?
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Hi, Marsha
Daddy's gone. I don't know how long he will be in Boston, and how long he's at the hospital. But I have to file reports with him every single night before bed, and today's won't be any good because I did nothing on any of my computer classes stuff and only have an hour before Lisa and Wendy get back from their dance class.
But I'm all settled in. I had to take the bus back to the apartment, and then Connie came and got me, and Andrea helped me to pack though I'd done it last night, I thought. She's still being nice to me now, see. And Connie is too; that's their housekeeper, remember? And that isn't the same as a maid for them, it's more like in "Pride and Prejudice" times, they keep it real different because she tells the maids what to do.
Anyway, I'm in a guest room, which is way down a hall from the girls' rooms, and you have to go through the den place, which is just for them and called the playroom, I learned, to get to them.
I've got my own bathroom for just this room that's as big as ours back at home was. And there is another guestroom too with it's own one too next door. But the girls have to share the bathtub part but have their own sinks and thing.
So they have their own real bathroom, without it being a euphemism, right? But they call that the tub room, and the other rooms, without a tub, that they don't bathe in, those are the bathrooms. We sure do weird things to words, don't we?
But anyway, one of the maids did all my unpacking and putting my stuff in drawers for me, and acted like I was in the way. She even decided which animals went on the bed and which went other places, and stacked the books for me.
I, also, went into the living room and doodled around on the giant piano for a while -- well, partly because Ms Y. is right, it is hard to watch all these people working all around you, and that's a good place because no one goes in there much. Why else would it be called the living room, right? And I just thought of something else; the little part off the kitchen where we've always had dinner when I was here, they call that the breakfast nook, hehe, but at least they do eat breakfast there too, not in the dining room.
OK, I'm going to go watch for Lisa. It's easy to get lonely in giant houses, did you know that?
Bye
Loves and hugs,
Sky
Hi, Daddy
Sky Eliot reporting as ordered, sir!
I didn't really get anything done on any of the courses today, because getting over here, and unpacking, and Connie showing me things took so long, Daddy. I'm Sorry. I'll do extra tomorrow, OK?
But, Daddy, I've been thinking. (NO -- don't say, "Uh-oh"!!!) Since I'm redoing the year now, do I still have to do all that stuff and have tutors? I mean, I did pretty good last year, right? In sixth. And now I'm just going to do the seventh grade stuff again, right? So couldn't I stop?
Also, I didn't even think about it at first, but you know that Lisa is going to be in my grade now. And that means I'm still a sixth grader, and all, already, at least too her. And, OK, she was happy, not mean, about it, but it is different, Daddy.
So, I'll do more tomorrow. I really will. I have to get out of this room because it is almost Lisa's bedtime. Is everything OK in Boston? When do you have to go to the hospital? I hope it goes OK.
Oh yeah, also, I was playing on their piano for some today, and remember when I asked about starting lessons? So I guess I haven't pestered enough, but when do you think I could? I'd really like to, I think. I'll take it seriously and all too.
Is the being in seventh all set, or could that still change if I do more on the computer classes?
I love you, Good Night, bye,
Sky
Hi, Marsh
OK, boy, I'm really busy today, Marsh. I have to do a ton of my computer class stuff and things. And I've to go to the Rec Center for those classes too.
I'm hoping they might change their mind about all the flunking stuff if I can do enough of the classes. Do you know I'm going to be in Lisa's class next year if they do that? Or at least the same grade.
Anyway I did want to tell them all last night, and confessed about failing, and Lisa was really real happy that I'll be in with her and, you know, it's not like I didn't really think of her as a friend already, but this makes it different, to me at least. She didn't even act like it would be though.
Even when Ms Y said they will still need me as a babysitter sometimes, because of a law in this suburb that says there has to be thirteen-year-old, at least, in the house with a kid under twelve, Lisa seemed like it would be neat. She did suggest tying Wendy in the back yard though, but that was just a joke. And that would even be so next year, Ms Y. said, after Lisa's birthday next month, because that will just make her twelve.
But I don't know if it's going to get changed. I sure don't want to go to Ferral Hill (That's the boys only school that's with S.I.C.), or back to a dummy class, I guess. And Kaezee says that people that have brains will understand anyway.
OK, that's all really. I guess when you read this, you will be all done with your test, huh? Are you leaving for back to our mother's tomorrow? OK, I'll still write to you, but be sure not to save your password or something. Really, Marsh.
I have to get lots of work done. Bye.
Loves and hugs,
Sky
In case you didn't get it, DORKUS, and it looks like you don't get things very well:
IF YOU EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN THOSE PICTURES GO TO YOUR PARENTS!!!!
Or if your little "posse" of friends do. Or if you throw things, or fingers, at me. Or ANYTHING else.
Got it? Is that clear? YOU OWN ME?? Because your friend saw my cousin or something? Forget it, Zack.
Or maybe I'll just send those pictures right to the police, huh?? And then to your new friends at Juvie Hall. They might not see "queer" the way you do!!
You following this?? What do you think will happen at Juvie to someone who sent that to someone they think is a boy, huh?
You DON'T own me. I OWN you, Zackary Zilch, and I throw you away. Now decay quietly. Because, if I hear you again, it happens!!
Hi, Daddy
I got two units of everything done today, and two and a half of the English class. I really, really did. I promise.
And no, I didn't mean that Lisa was different, or that I think I have to be the boss to be her friend, or any of that. It's just that it is going to be different. I don't know. Yes, I can see that there are lots of good things about doing the grade over too. But I feel weird. Maybe I can talk about it better when you get back.
But I did do a lot on them today, so my brain won't atrophy, OK?
Nothing else really happened, I went to cooking and fly fishing, and we just made icing, but not cakes. They did that last week when I wasn't there.
So, what else? Lisa had a choir thing today after school, and then Amanda, a friend of hers that I already knew, came home with her, and Wendy had some little boys from her soccer practice too, and they all went swimming, but I stayed out. Promise. But I did get wet from a squirt gun, and they all left before dinner.
You know, I think Lisa and Wendy have something to do every single afternoon. Tomorrow it's tennis lessons for both, and I'm going to watch.
OK. That's all the news I can think of. It's Lisa's bed time again, so I g2g. You do know that means "got to go," don't you?
I miss you lots, Daddy. Bye.
Loves, Daddy, Lots
Sky
"... Why do they all want to make me a girl? ... Why do you? Why do they hate me? What was so bad about Jude?
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
>>Friday, May 16th (morning)
Hi, Marsh
Sorry I didn't get to write you last night, it was because I have to write Daddy, and don't have much time before Lisa has to go to bed. And OK, I also get busy messing around with them like I can't alone too.
But Zack did it yesterday! But I think I got him to back off now. Before cooking even, he was out in front and came over to the bike rack and said that someone had seen me as a girl and even thought now that I was a girl, and I knew he meant that kid from fishing that was at the park last week, and he said that now he owned me and the next time he asked me over I'd better come and do what he said to do or he'd tell everyone, and I shoved him and said, "And what happens when your mother sees those pictures you sent me, stupid? Now just leave me alone!!"
And I thought he had understood, because he just stood there when I walked away. And I wasn't even worried about it much, Marsh, because he shut up so much.
Then he didn't show up for fishing, which I think he skips a lot these days anyway, but when I was coming back to Lisa's house he yelled out of his car, "Hey, Fairy Boy, take this!" And he stuck up his middle finger, you know, at me, and then shot it way up real hard as he went by, and then the car, that had his big brother driving, slammed on the brakes real hard, and I turned my bike around and went across some peoples' yards to get to the next block to get away. And I sent him an email saying again what I'd do with the pictures and saying I might tell the police and get him in jail, and that I'd give it to the people in Juvenile Hall too, and what he did was also gay to lots of people.
But he hasn't written back or anything, so maybe he is scared and going to leave me alone now? He doesn't know that I can get his letters because I told him he was blocked, but I think if he could think of something he'd send it, right? And he hasn't.
So last night I felt pretty good about it, and didn't even worry much, but now telling it has made me worry again and all. But I think he will shut up, right? And it does show that his whole family is like that, doesn't it? That his brother did that with the car and was going to chase me too? I wish I had kept the pictures for real.
OK, but anyway, that boy in the fishing class has decided that I am really a girl, like Zilch said. I don't know if he knew what I'd said to butthead, but he came over right at the beginning of the class and said he was sorry, and it was Zack, and he had just meant it as kidding, and he'd known I was a girl right at first, but I wore real boyish clothes but that that was just because it was a fishing class, he thought, and because Zack was confused and weird about it.
So I didn't tell him I wasn't. I thought of saying he must of seen my cousin or something, but I didn't. Because he was being real nice now, I guess. So, you know, not saying is like I said, "yes", huh? But maybe not quite.
And the thing is a lot of people at the rec center think I'm a girl too, I found out. Last Tuesday a teacher stopped me when I was going into the boy's room, and said it was the wrong door, and then Lisa pulled me into the girl's room, which wasn't very crowded, luckily. And the kid's I sit with at pottery think I am, I guess, because that Rock Dancing class is a girl's only class, and Lisa told me how girls were sometimes taking off tops, and sometimes shorts even, to change when I was in there before origami, which I'd seen, but it's noisy and they hurry, and I'd not thought of how they wouldn't do that in front of a boy even real fast.
And so now there are tons and tons of people who know me as a girl. And I don't know how I'm going to keep keeping it a secret anymore, Marsh. And a lot of them know me as Jesse, or Jessie I guess, and a lot know me as Sky, or as both too. And lots go to the Hall. What'll happen when I show up as a boy, Marsh??
Also Amanda knows about the whole thing because Lisa did tell her, and she's even seen me naked now. And Lisa telling did make me mad, and I almost told Amanda Lisa's secret for revenge, -- but wound up only saying that I babysit her, not the big one, I scared Lisa that I was going to tough, but I couldn't really. But Amada is really like the most cool about it of all; she was just like: "So what".
So that's all the drama out here, I guess, Marsh. You're all done, huh, and on the way back there. I guess you won't know how you did on the tests and things for a real long time either.
Connie's calling me for lunch, and I haven't got hardly anything on my computer classes done, and I have to get a unit of each finished.
What's going to happen when all this stuff blows up, Marsh? I was just real stupid to do this, wasn't I? I shouldn't have let them talk me into it.
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
>>Friday, May 16th (afternoon)
Hi, Roger
Did you get home all right? I did. How many fish did you catch, and did you get some fly fishing?
Are Hailey and Adam still teasing you about us holding hands? I hope not, but they are real cute when they aren't being pest and all. Really.
I'm staying at a friend's because my Daddy is out of town, but the email is still the same.
Just thought I'd say, "Hi," and see if things were good.
Bye,
Sky
>>Friday, May 16th (ten minutes later)
Heys, Roger
How are things? Did the fishing go well after I left?
I'm back home fine, and now I'm staying at a friend's while my father is gone. But I can still get email and stuff.
Are Hailey and Adam OK too? Your sibs are real cute when they aren't bugging people.
Just saying hi.
Cya,
Sky
>>Friday, May 16th (five minutes later)
Hi,
You doing OK and get back OK?
Just thought I'd write and say hello.
Did you ever get anything fly fishing?
Well, write back if you want to.
Bye, Roge
Sky
>>Friday, May 16th (five minutes later)
aarrg, Marsha
I wrote to Roger and it bounced back. Maybe I just mixed up his address or something, but I mean that means that no one in the world has that address, right? It is real weird, and I thought it was some l33t thing I couldn't figure out, but he gave me a fake I think!!!!
I tried three ways, but none worked, so he just made up something I bet.
aaaaarrrrrrrggggghhhh!!!! Are all boys such complete JERKS, Marsha???
OK, /rant
bye
Sky
>>Friday, May 16th (night)
Hi, Daddy
OK, I got one unit of every class done today, but that was all. Is that OK? Lisa and the others keep having plans for me and things to do, but I worked as long as I could really, Daddy.
Today they wanted me to go to their tennis lessons with them, and I did. It was at the country club, and Ms Younger and I played a little, while they had their lesson. We ate at the club because Connie gets off at three-thirty on Fridays and doesn't come back until Monday. I'm going to see if I can stay and work on the classes instead of go to their soccer games, but I'm going to go to horse back riding with them tomorrow afternoon. Ms Younger had to take me to get a pair of boots, and I told her to take it out of future babysitting money, OK? I got some cowboy boots, nothing real fancy, but I have to have something with big heals where they go.
And yes I did go to see Dr. Ross this morning, I didn't forget at all. Ms Younger drove me after taking the others to school. I told her I could take the bus, but she was going to the hospital this morning anyway, and I took the bus back. Also, I haven't forgotten about the other doctor too on Monday. Do you think he might say I can swim now?
OK, Daddy, Lisa and Wendy are watching "Ratatouille", and we're going to spend the night in the den, or playroom, like we do when I'm babysitting even though Ms Younger is here.
So I guess you are at the hospital by now. Is everything going alright?
Lots and Lots of Love, and I miss you still,
Sky
>>Saturday, May 17th (morning)
Hi, Mike,
Long time no hear. I guess you've been busy messing around with your buds, Hegel and Kant and those peeps, huh? :)
Better than getting drunk and falling off buildings like lots of peeps in college. Marsh's going to a big party before heading back there too. Do you have one? I hope you guys don't do that stuff, OK?
You're going to be a counselor at your old nerd camp, huh? Sounds a whole lot better than Marsha's internship thing to me. Has she told you about it? Did we really decide she wasn't a Martian??
I'd never thought about that being why she was so mad about the scholarship thing. I thought it was just about money. But that it was something she could brag about makes sense too. And, yeah, it is supposed to be something all boys would want to do to some people too.
OK, but, Michael, do you remember when I was little? I know you called me sissy and stuff sometimes. But, listen, it's not like that, I'm not accusing, OK. It's just some things about way back then I don't remember, and some things I do, and I want to figure out some of it. Can you tell me what I was like?
Really, Michael, I know we fought and I got mad at you, but you know I really always thought you were a really nice big brother, and I was always afraid to ever say that. But it's really true; I'm not buttering you up or anything. I liked you really, and I still do.
I guess you will be at our mother's house until it's time to go to the camp. I wish I were going this year, but February, when it was time to apply, had lots going on. I'll write you there, but make sure she doesn't know, OK? I don't think that would work is all.
I Love you, butthead,
Sky
>>Saturday, May 17th (morning)
Hi, Mar
Oh, I guess packing would take a couple of days, and the parties are just a coincidence for all of you. Yeah, right.
So Lisa and them are all at soccer, and I didn't want to go. That's because I saw Zack there the last time, and I just don't want to do that again, but I said it was because I want to get some more of the computer classes done, and I should do that too, but Daddy is real set that I'm going to do seventh grade over no matter what, but I still want to see if I can change it.
So about how Amanda got to see me naked. No, she didn't sneak in and peek.
After I got back on Thursday, I wrote a note to that jerkass, and then I felt better. I did, really. And while I was writing, all of them had come back. There were Amanda and two little boys that I'd never seen but live next door and are both on Wendy's soccer team, or one is, but the other was here too.
So after I wrote the letter, I changed in to a my blue and yellow babydoll and some yellow shorts, just because around here that's more like what I'm expected to wear than the boy clothes I wore to the rec center, you know? And then I went out back where they were, and all five of them were skinny dipping, and Wendy and the boys were having a super soaker fight.
And you know I couldn't swim, but I sat on the side and talked to Amanda and Lisa while they bobbed around, and Wendy first tried to get me to go in, and then the boys did, but I told them I couldn't 'til June. But sitting there, being the only one outside with clothes on made me a big target for all three of them and they all sprayed my top with their squirt guns at the same time. That didn't matter that much though, I mean it was just in fun, and I took off the top, because that's not like a big deal to me because I'm a boy, right? But I didn't tell them of course. And I got a gun, and Lisa and Amanda helped me retaliate, but then my shorts were the big target, and even Lisa, "accidentally" hit them sometimes, and they were soon soaked enough that the flowers on my panties showed through.
But I wasn't about to take them off, of course. Then the au pair for the boys came through the back gate, and she just waved to Connie through the window, and they left, and then Amanda said, it would be all right if I took off the wet shorts because she knew all about everything.
Of course, I acted like I had no idea what she meant, but her mom works with people with gender dysphoria, she said. So maybe her mom works with Kaezee's shrink or something, because Kaezee had told me that word, and she has a shrink that specializes in just that. But Amanda said she had known about people like me, because she thinks that is what I am, since she was real, real little and even knew some, and that she had a good friend that her mom had helped, but whose whole family had moved last summer so she could transition, that means start living as a girl, when she started sixth grade, and Lisa was the only other person around here that had ever seen her as a her.
I told her that I didn't think I was that kind of person really, and she shrugged and said that's what her mom was all about, helping people learn, not telling them.
So after a while and all that, and seeing them and Wendy like that, I decided to take off those shorts, which were really clingy and sticky, and I had taped myself, because sitting on the grass in shorts it seemed like a good idea. And you know, I know I didn't really look like a girl, Marsha, but I almost did, because it is clear, water-proof tape, and I had used extra because I was in a hurry, and I had Lisa pretend she needed something by the window where Connie was looking out, and she said she couldn't tell from over there at all, and I just stayed on the backside of the pool, and it was like I really was a girl for awhile, unless I thought about it.
And then I paid Wendy back for shooting me again, big time, because I didn't need to worry about getting wet anymore. And when I went inside, I went with a towel wrapped around me, and I put on that old trapeze dress of yours with the three inch stripes of all different colors that are all sewn together. You remember it. It is way too small, but it comes a couple of inches below my butt and, except that I can't get the top button fastened, it would make a real cute top for like with pedal pushers or bike shorts. And that was all (I mean all. :-) ) I wore all that night, and all the tape. It would be nice to be able to have that look right too, you know it?
OK, I messed up and I'm not going to get any of the courses' work done now.
Have fun tonight! But, Mars, don't drink or anything like that, OK? Please.
Loves and Hugs, Lots and Lots,
Sky
>>Saturday, May 17th (evening)
Daddy,
I don't know what Dr. Philips wants to talk about really. I mean, I guess I do maybe, but not for sure. He's probably the father of that boy, Zack, that I went to his house once, remember? And I guess we've had some trouble but, Daddy, I didn't want to. He just got mad at me about some thing, and I tried to get him to leave me alone, and then, I guess, I threatened to do some things if he didn't. OK? But that is all, really. And I really wouldn't have done those things, really. But I wanted him to just let up is all. That's all. I guess I could explain it better in person, maybe.
But if you think we should all get together when you get back, that would be OK, I guess. I mean, I don't know what he's saying I did, but I didn't do anything at all really. Is Dr. Philips real mad at me? Or what?
OK, the other report, I tried to get some work done, even though it's Saturday, this morning, but Marsha and Michael had both written to me, and so I didn't because it is real hard to get a chance to use the computer because of sharing it. But I'd meant to.
And I did go horseback riding today, but not for very long, and I don't think I'm going to get sore really. Lisa and Wendy are real good, and both can jump pretty high stuff, but just in the ring, and I went on a trail with them but we couldn't jump out there or even trot at all. And tonight we're watching "Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade," to get ready for the new one, and they've already seen the other two this month too.
And my plans for tomorrow are to go to have breakfast at the place that has the quartet thing again, and then to go to play tennis and go swimming with all the Youngers at the country club -- I mean I'll just watch the swimming. I had to go get a swimsuit too today, Daddy, even though it is just to watch in, OK? But I got it at Tar-jay; it's not expensive, OK? And I'll use tons and tons of sun block; I won't forget; I promise.
So is everything going alright with you, and with the stuff at the hospital? I can't wait 'til your back!
You're not mad about the Zack stuff, are you? Because I don't think I deserve it.
Lotta, Lotta Love,
Sky
>>Sunday, May 18th (evening)
Hi, Marsh
These people are just always busy, I think.
And I had my period yesterday.
Made you look!! Huh? Well, see I went to the horseback riding place and after there lesson I was going to go on a trail with them, and first I had to show the instructor lady how well I could do, and it's been like two years since we stopped those lessons, right? But I did OK. Except for one problem. I had on these real tight jeans and was using just one of my dancer straps, and when I tried to post -- well, having things down there and going up and down isn't too good, Marsh. So I said I needed to go to the bathroom and didn't feel well.
Then Ms Y. came with me and I told her it hurt to do that as best as I could without saying it, and she said to let them go and gave me a maxi-pad to use, and of course I knew what it was, but she was right it made one big bulge and squeezed everything but it didn't look like what it was at least. And I don't think the boys knew what that bulge was but one of the older girls asked me if it was my first period and talked a lot about them, and thought I wasn't talking back just because I felt bad. So now I've had a period, huh? Hehe. Do you think I need to do that on the 18th every month now?
And today we went to Chez Amy's for breakfast again, and I was going to wear my high heels, but it made Lisa even more jealous than I thought it would (but she did try to hide it, but I could tell) so I changed to flats. I did wear hose for the very first time though!! Well, first time outside.
We were going to go swimming today to, but we played tennis first, and after about ten minutes it started to pour and I never even got to put on my new suit at all!!!
OK, I still need to write Daddy and Lisa has a bedtime tonight because of school tomorrow. Are you at our mother's yet?
Bye,
Loves and hugs,
Sky
>>Sunday, May 18th (evening)
Hi, Daddy
I'm glad you're not mad at me, but you sound like you're only waiting to know more and then think you will be. But if you know the truth, you want be, I don't think. OK? Really.
I'm glad your hospital things are going so well, I hope you'll be done by Tuesday. Yeah, I'm serious when I say I mess you, not just trying to make you feel good. What would I want to do something like that for anyway, Daddy?
The breakfast was real, real nice. I started to tell you what I wore, but I bet if I did you would just say something about money or being silly, right? So I'm not going to.
And I went the country club too, and about ten minutes after we got there there was a deluge. I mean it, the clouds opened, and it just kept coming and coming. We barely got on the court, and we couldn't swim either, and I never even got to wear my new suit. Ms Younger let us hang at the pavilion for a while though, and we played ping pong and things like that.
You know what, Daddy -- I don't know if I'm supposed to say this -- but I guess you know that Kaezee sees a psychiatrist, right? Well it is Dr. Ross she sees. And did you know that she specializes in gender problems, Daddy? Is that why she's mine too? I mean, I had her along time before any of the girl's clothes stuff started. Just wondering?
I don't know if you know it, but Marsha and Michael both left their colleges today. I hope they will be OK there.
You didn't expect me to work on the computer courses today, did you? Lisa and Ms Younger sort of had the day filled, so I couldn't, but I can next weekend, if that will help. When I met with Miss Storm tonight, she said I was doing very well on the Math things, and that she was going to skip a lot of the Science stuff she'd planed, because I knew it already.
Oh, I did get finished with "Pride and Prejudice" too; Darcy and Lizzie got married -- oopps spoiler. Sorry. :-) I didn't want it to end, you know? But I wanted them to hurry up and be happy too.
And I started "Emma", and I already know what the lesson you want me to learn is, and that is just mean!! I just thought you and Ms Younger might be good friends, and that is all; it wouldn't be so bad if you did start liking each other either though, would it?
I'll write you tomorrow, Daddy. Night.
Miss you lots, and with lots of love and hugs,
Sky
Monday, May 19th (very, very early morning)
Daddy --- Dad,
Well, I figured it out. I got it. Kaezee's shrink, Ann and Becky's aunt, Lisa's best friend's mother, my shrink. All the same!! A gender specialist.
Everyone that's been nice, Daddy. Was all just a plot thing, right? All.
But why, Daddy? Why did you come out here just to make me into a girl!!
I hadn't started that stuff until after. Not til after!! When I had already been seeing her, so why?
I thought you loved me? Why do you hate Jude so much? Why does everyone? Was it mama too?
And Marsh helped -- that's only why she wanted me to write.
A set up.
OK, I love you, Daddy. But why????
But I'm not gonna stay here at their house anymore. It was all a set up. And they did it most!!!!
But why did you do it?? And so many know now, Daddy.
bye
Still love,
Sky
Monday, May 19th (five minutes later)
Marsha,
Did they have you working for them too?? It was all just a giant trick. Why do they all want to make me a girl? I don't get it, Marsha. Why do you? Why do they hate me? What was so bad about Jude?
"...I do so many weird things, that if I didn't do something weird, that would be weird, but this wasn't about the weird things that I do a lot, but is weird in a whole new weird way of being weird,..."
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
aawwhh, Marsh,
I'd hoped you hadn't looked at that stupid letter, and I could tell you to never read it in the subject to here.
I was just being real dumb.
I woke up Lisa and everything when I was writing you, and yes I was just real, real upset. But we talked, and she got her mom too, and I called Daddy, and that helped, because hearing him, hearing how much I'd scared him, made me know he couldn't have done any of that.
But what it was, was that yesterday I found out that Amanda's Mom is Dr Ross. And I knew her Mom worked with peeps that want to be girls, or boys too, and aren't. Or that are but don't look like it, really is what it is. But I also learned that Ann and Becky are also her cousins, because she knew they weren't coming to the pool. And then I asked Kaezee on the phone if Dr Ross was her shrink, and she is.
And that just seemed weird to me that Daddy had sent me there before the clothes stuff started, and last night Daddy said that, when I was in the hospital, I had said that I didn't care about my body anyway because it is just a prison. And I remember saying it, Marsha, but I was just being like deep and philosophical and stuff when I did it, but it scared him to hear. And I also said it wasn't where I belonged too, and it meant that I had to do things I didn't want to.
And that and the things you've told me about about when I was little made him want me to see Dr. Ross, because she is kind of almost famous, and she doesn't only do gender stuff but has done other things too.
And so that made me feel a lot better. A lot.
And Ms Y. had never known I was her patient at all.
So Ms Y called her, and I had an extra long session today, and she said she never tells anyone, ever, who her clients are; and Ann and Becky and Amanda didn't know; and Kaezee met Ann at an Ani-con, and only knew that Kaezee saw her if Kaezee had said it; and Amanda knew that one girl because she knew her before she started seeing Dr. Ross, when they were real little. She tries to help people find who they are, not find boys she can make be what they aren't, is what she said.
So I guess it doesn't sound like a plot anymore, OK? But I'm still real confused. Real, real. And Dr. Ross says things went way too fast, maybe; and that I can stop being a girl right now if I want. And when I got back here, I almost did. But the thing is, and it's real stupid, the more I get worried about it and think of it, the more I want to look more and more like a girl, and wish people knew that.
OK? OK, that's the whole story about my freak out thing last night.
Now I got to make it up to everyone. I don't know what I can do. Because I woke up people, and Lisa is all worried, and Ms Y sat in my room all night and canceled all her appointments for today because they are afraid I'm going to hurt myself again. And I don't feel anything at all like I did that time. In fact, it's like the very opposite. But I can't get people to understand how that was still.
And I missed my stomach doctor appointment and have to see him and Dr. Ross again tomorrow.
And I'm real sorry to scare you and all, and how do I make it up to Ms Y for all that? And to you and Daddy too? I'm just sorry I freaked.
And anyway, Marsh, the other thing is, I'm worried about you and Michael being at that house these days. I guess you were for holidays, but this is longer, and might be different. And she is different too.
Take care, OK? And I'm not being an old mother hen, and I wasn't either about the drinking stuff. I just don't want you to get in trouble and stuff because it would hurt Daddy and things.
I love you! Really!
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Hi again, Marsh,
Yep, I am feeling lots better, thanx.
Yeah, I can believe she did that. I can. So now what are you going to do? There are Starbucks and Barnes and Nobles out here, if you just want, you know. Please. It would be nice. But I know it would be really final with her to do that, like you said. Maybe Michael would want to too if he's really doing that.
I had a really, really long talk with Ms Y. today, and she was like all apologizing about all the stuff with me pretending last month and, Mars, I really felt bad because I don't really think it was like all her now, because I think I really did like it right from then, and all. And she did say again how much I seemed to be a girl as soon as I got around them and had a girl's job, or mostly a girl's one. And she said she couldn't remember, but right from the first night they must have said "she" and "her" about me, and I'd thought about that, and I never noticed, and I'd wondered how they hadn't ever, and had even thought that was part of the plot, but she thinks I just didn't pay attention to them, and she thinks that it would be impossible to get Wendy or Lisa to pull that off for very long, and she's right. When Wendy gets going I don't think she could think to say her for him, if she thought it was a boy.
And I told her how I remembered the time we went to breakfast, which was the first time I picked to wear girl stuff for no reason, and Wendy had said, "Even though Sky's a boy, she could still wear a dress." And I still remember that real well. And maybe it was because of "boy" and "she" being right there, but I noticed it big, big time. And she said that maybe I'd right away been happy to have the chance is all, but that it's not her field, it is Dr. Ross's. But I know Dr. Ross would never say things like that unless I said them, because that is what shrinks usually do.
I need to write Daddy a letter, big time, still, so more tomorrow, don't be scared about me, OK. I'm lots better, I think. Just embarrassed around Lisa and Ms Y., but they act like it's nothing at all, which doesn't really help.
Really, really think about coming out here, Marsh!!!!
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Hi, Daddy!
Thank you for the GIANT virtual hug!! I did really need that!
I'd never thought of doing that in an email, Daddy. And you say I'm the real silly one, huh? :-)
No, I don't think it had anything to do with the things with that Zack boy, just with learning things all at once, maybe. Ms Y says that it might be because things got out of my way all the sudden, and I could be different. And that I was just lucky to meet so many people that knew things like this happen. I don't know.
I'm happy, really, that you aren't canceling your things. I would just feel worse if you did that, Daddy. Please, please don't. I'm not going to run away again, or even back to the apartment, and I'm not going to hurt myself any more; this is different. This is a lot different than then. OK? I promise!!
OK -- But, Daddy, have you heard from Marsha and Michael lately? She called to Marsha's internship place and told them Marsha didn't want it, and Marsha has to get job at a store or something. I know Marsh wanted to work at the museum a lot, Daddy. And she was going to have a part time job too anyway.
And Michael went to a friend's house when he left the dorm, and Marsha thinks he might be bumming invites, so he doesn't have to go there at all before he goes to his camp job, and that's not for a month. I told Marsha she could come here, I thought. She can can't she? And Michael too? Please.
Well, it is a real bad report today on the computer classes too. But it's because I was at the Dr Ross's all morning, and then I talked to Ms Y. for a long time, and I feel real stupid about putting her and Lisa through all that, you know. And she made me lie down for a while to rest. When the other girls got back she woke me and then made me go to Lisa's soccer practice so I'd run around so I'd sleep tonight. It's grown-up's logic, Daddy; you must understand it.
Lisa is on a real good team though, and so is Amanda. It's not super select or anything, but their coach is real good I think, and she said I could try out for her co-ed travel team for next year. Lisa and Amanda are going to. At the Hall that would mean I wouldn't have to do school PE, but it's three times a week, and games at least every other week in fall and spring, and some are a long way away. Do you think that would be OK though?
The coach didn't have an accent really, but she did call soccer "football", so she must be real serious about it, right? I've always thought that was a better name for it anyway, and that it was dumb to call that other game I used to have to play "football". She also calls the field a "pitch" though, and that is equally as dumb IMHO. I mean that is only because they used to play it the same places they played cricket, and it has nothing to do with football.
But listen, Daddy, the British also call parking lots "car parks", and that is worse, because cars can't enjoy them, and would just mess up all the grass and hurt the trees, right? :-)
When I told Ms Y that, she said we were driving on a parkway and when we got home were going to park on a driveway (but she didn't, she went into the garage.) :-P
OK, I know your thinking, "Sky, (or is it Jude?) is rambling, she must be real tired." So I'll say good night (and, also, Lisa is trying to peek over my shoulder.)
So:
right back at you!!! Only tighter. :-)))
I love you.
2 More Days!!
Loves and Hugs, Lots
Sky
P.S.: I really, really do feel a lot better about things tonight. I guess, even if it was all a plot, it was a real, real nice one for me.
Hey, Mike
Hey, Marsha told me like you never showed up there, and are staying with friends and stuff. She thinks you might be like your trying to stay away. If you want, you could like come visit here and stuff. There's an extra room and all. If you want, you know?
Look, Mike, just write Daddy is all, OK? Sometimes he won't start about something, because he's like: "It's for you to bring up," you know? At least he is with me lots. So just talk to him, OK?
I'd like it a lot too, really. It would be great to see you and all too.
I'm a lot different now though. I lost a ton of weight (OK - never really weighed a ton :-P but, you know), and I wear my hair different and other stuff. You might really freak, but I hope not. Anyway, I'd like you to see anyway.
But Mike, what I've got to do is figure out if I do it just because I want to be different from what I was, or if what I was always was different from me really. And OK, that makes a lots more since in my head, and it's kind of what some people have been telling me but, Mike, do you want to figure that out too? But I don't know, some how that makes sense, but maybe I'm crazy and don't know it.
Please. Just come.
Loves,
Sky
Hi, Marsh
Are you doing OK? I think I am, but I'm not sure. I'm not all freaked now anyway.
First the good news: My stomach is all better. I still can't eat tons and tons of tomatoes and orange juice and things like that, but I can have some. But I've started to like white pizza!
And my doctor said he thinks that Memorial Day is the end of May, and he hasn't looked at a calendar, but that I can swim and stuff then!! One week!
And when I saw Dr. Ross we mainly talked about the difference between wanting to be something different and wanting to be what we are but can't be; you know what I mean? And that was as bad as what I said to Mike a little while ago almost.
But I just mean I'm not all freaked out anymore, just still kind of real, real down. But not like I was last winter. I keep having to say that because of things I did then, and now I'm just confused, not like then.
And I think even if it was a plot, it was a nice one because I like where I got to most of the time, but now Dr. Ross is like trying to talk me out of it, so that pretty much means it wasn't one anyway, right?
So anyway, any thing else happen there? I guess our old ground rule about not mentioning her is gone, huh? Is that OK?
Mike said something: We all had to be a certain way. We could make mistakes and screw up, but they had to be the right ways, the ones she could talk to people about, and they would say, "Yes, they do that." But if it didn't fit the role we weren't being like "Her child" would be. He says she was like that with him too, and he says she was with you too too.
Daddy told me once that some people raise children; he didn't say he meant her; but that ranchers raise cattle, not calves; and dog guys raise dogs, not puppies, and people should raise grown-ups. Maybe it is just dumb kid stuff, but I think they link up. I think she was raising us to just be her kids, her things, not real people, always. And maybe you and Mike growing up had something to do with her getting even worse about me, but also I was always the furthest from what "Her kid" 'specially "Her son" would be because of the things you told me about, I think.
Alright, I know what people all think when little kids, like me, try to get deep and figure out the world and things, and maybe it's all just kiddy stuff and doesn't make real sense. But it's what I think anyway.
But, so, anyway, I'm not trying to stop you from loving Mama, Marsh. I'm just trying to understand things myself. I do hope you come out here, but if you don't want to maybe it would be good for her. 'Cuz I don't want her to hurt.
But I don't want you too more.
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
OK, Marsh,
I got something new to talk about!
Want to hear about it? It's weird.
I guess I do so many weird things that, if I didn't do something weird, that would be weird, but this wasn't about the weird things that I do a lot, but is weird in a whole new weird way of being weird, like it's not as weird as that weird stuff, but it is even weirder in the weird way that it is weird. OK?
And yeah, I decided to see how many times I could use "weird" in a sentence on that. :-P But I didn't start 'til I was half through; I bet I coulda done more if I thought of it at the beginning.
But so anyway, what I did was give Zack a flower.
I don't know why, Marsh!!! It was really dumb; I mean after all that stuff. And I don't know what he's told his father, but he called Daddy last week, and he wants to see us tomorrow. Just the first night Daddy is back and everything, and I already think Daddy thinks I did something. And it's not like I can prove anything. And I don't want to do that on his first night back, you know.
But then he was sitting by the walk right after getting bawled out by the woman that runs the rec center, and just looking at one leaf of his flower, and I did. Well I gave it to Wendy to give him.
See, Lisa and I went back to the pottery room after origami and were helping to put the things on the rack for the kiln. That was because some pieces of mine fell off when it was fired, but the lady said I could still glaze them and keep them, and I hope I can get them back on, and it will still be pretty. And they are small and delicate so I was helping.
And there was a fight out by the soda machines, and someone was calling someone names, and we went out to look, and it was Zack, and they were just all just yelling at each other about not having enough for drinks, and I think trying to get Zack to buy some, but he was saying he didn't have money, and he had paid lots of times, and they should this time.
And so see, in origami we had made lotus flowers. I don't know if it is officially origami, because we used lots of different pieces of paper and then glued them together, and origami is supposed to be just one piece, I think. But they were still real nice because it was our last project.
And so Zack, even while he was fighting, or yelling at least, was holding his in his hand with his palm up, being real careful, you know. And during the class, he had worked real hard on it, which was strange, because usually he just did what we were doing real fast, you know, followed the instructions but didn't, like, try to learn them or do it good, or he would try to make everything into something else. But today he didn't do that, and his had about twelve or more pedals on it, and mine only had eight, and his were real good ones.
So one of the other boys knocked the lotus out of his hand, and then another boy stepped on it on purpose and scraped it along the floor so it all came apart. Then Zack pushed that guy into the soda machine, and yelled about supposed to having to take that home to prove he hadn't skipped and the boy knowing it, and Zack's partner from fishing was there, and he stood between them, and then the pottery teacher told them to leave, but the lady that runs the whole rec center came and told them not to come back until they had a parent talk to her, and to go out different directions.
OK, after we had got the kiln loaded Lisa and I went and talked to the head lady because, even if we don't like Zack, it seemed like she should know the other boys started it with the flower stuff, and also that Jeff, that's the boy in fishing, was just trying to stop it.
And when we went outside, Ms Y. was waiting in the car, and Wendy was over on the swings, and Zack was sitting on the curb looking at the one pedal that was still hooked to his green stand thing he'd made. And, I don't know, but I told Wendy to take my flower over to him but not tell him whose it was or anything. And she said he asked if she was Lisa's sister, but she didn't answer.
So, I don't know why I did it. Just real dumb or something, and tomorrow we meet with him and his 'rent.
But, at least, Daddy will be home tomorrow!! He gets in about twelve if his planes on time, but he still has to go to his office and to the hospital some too, so I won't see him 'til dinner time. I ordered stuff to do stuffed chicken breast for his dinner, because did you know you can order that stuff online? We do it mostly, especially for dinner. And they'll bring it tomorrow, and I hope Andrea doesn't get mad that I want to cook, but I told you she's being nice now, right? And why?
Gees, Marsh, I g2g. I still have to write Daddy's letter, and Lisa and them have already finished the show they were doing. Bye.
Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Hi, Daddy
Last report! Yea!!!!
OK, I got a whole unit of the English done, and a half of one of the Math and some of the Science too!!! Yea me!?
OK, I know that's not really much, but it's been hard and I've been busy with things.
But you'll be here tomorrow and can yell at me in person. OK?
And the Doctor said that my stomach is doing great, and I can stop worrying about foods so much, AND that May ends on Memorial Day, and I can swim that day!! But I know you will talk to them about it and get details. But don't talk him out of it, PLEASE!!
And, OK, I'm all over that whole thing from that night, OK?
Could you try to get home early tomorrow? That way you will have more time to tell me I should have done and computer stuff too, right?
I love you, and I can't wait. Bye.
LoveHugLoveHug LoveHugLoveHug LoveHugLoveHug LoveHug,
Sky
" 'You don't understand, Sky. At anime conventions and cosplay things people were famous for being Tranies and signed autographs, and you're so cute, you should want peeps to know.' "
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
Hi, Mars,
Gaw, I have got soooo much to tell you! You got a lot of time? Well I don't --bluuckkk -- Daddy says I haveta do tons and more of 'puter class things today. But at least he wasn't mad about my not doing much lately.
Anyway, I'm soooo glad he's back even if it means I got to get busy. It seems like it has been forever, but it seems all the last week stuff didn't last at all. You know?
But I absolutely need to tell about the Zack stuff, OK? Because that didn't work at all like I'd xpected.
OK, first all, our first night dinner was all ruined totally, because Daddy wanted to know about that before they got here, which I knew it would be. And I only told about him starting off friendly and how he got mean because I wouldn't do something he wanted. And that he'd called me names and stuff.
But Daddy wanted to know about the threat thing, and I thought that Dr. Philips must of said something about that, but no, I did. And so I had to tell about there being pictures that Zack wouldn't want people to see, but I didn't say what the pictures were and told him that I hadn't actually kept them anyway, and Daddy didn't ask anymore or about what Zack wanted me to do either. He just sighed real, real deep like.
But then he talked about the food for a while, which I had made myself, but it was this chicken thing of Andrea's, and she hovered over me the whole time telling me how all over again, but she was in a good mood about all of it anyway, and I think she just likes to show people how to do kitchen stuff even if they're not doing wrong. Anyway, it wasn't much fun talking about it because of feeling worried about the other thing. I was sure it was going to be a big battle with all lots of "You did this," "No, but you did that" things going on for days and all.
So it wasn't 'til after they left that I asked Daddy about the trip. and it turns out he didn't have to go to Boston to talk to doctors, which is what I thought he was doing, but he just went to see Granpaw's lawyer. And Marsh did you know that he actually left us money, and something is going on with it, but then Daddy stopped talking real quick, and obvi he didn't really want me to know anything about any of that, and it had just slipped. But do you know what he was talking about? Or are you going to ignore the kid's questions about that like you did last time about money?
Alright, but I don't really know about that, so back to the Zack stuff now and save the rest of yesterday for later, because it'll all take forever. And so, you know, I was like real, real scared whenever I thought about Zack and parentals coming all during dinner, because I still thought that Zack might have told tons of lies, even though he hadn't sneered or anything yesterday at all or anything, but had just not even looked at me at all, and I knew he was in trouble too.
So Daddy had told them to come at eight o'clock, which is when we get done with dinner mostly.
OK, so when the door rang Daddy opened it, and Zack was standing there, and I'd just come from the hall when it opened because I'd gone to change into a T and shorts, because I'd worn this new sun dress that is kinda like Hawaiian, with a print of big flowers and green leaves like Hawaiian shirts are with a halter top, that I'd just got today, to make it a happy dinner.
But Zack, he was all in like dressy clothes, a shirt with a collar and pants with a pleat, and he was holding a pie, Marsh!!
And his father was right behind him, and he was holding Zack. I mean he only had his hand on the back of Zack's neck, just sitting there like to steer or something, but it looked like he was holding him because of the way Zack looked; just sort of like he was being carried like the way mean people carry puppies, you know?
And the first thing he did was to say he was all sorry for messing up my pie, and the rude things he had said to me, and you know. And you know, it didn't mean anything at all because it was all rehearsed like and not the words he would have thought of probably, but his look when his father was making this speech kind of seemed like he was sorry for real, and not just sad about getting in trouble or just embarrassed about the way his parentals were talking.
Zack said he had made the pie to replace the one he had messed up weeks ago. And his father said all of this stuff about Zack getting into a bad group, but it not being the kids' fault, just Zack thinking that he got what he wanted by showing off or by spending money on peeps and thinking that was leadership, and finding peeps that bought into that. And I think that was a lot like what Ms Y. had said about the rich kid's disease one time, that I think I told you about, remember? She said I wasn't about to let Lisa get away with that.
Then Zack's mother, she was there too, said that he was going to change and learn that being able to do things, like make pies, wasn't a bad thing, and he had started that by making this one he had brought. But that meant a lot of other things he was going to learn about too.
They also said things about being nice to people and not bulling people that were different. And that was me of course, but I've known about that for years and years, and didn't so much mind them saying it.
But, Marsh, I started to fell sorry for him. When Mrs. Philips was talking (and later I learned she's really called Dr. Connelly), I just had this idea that they were trying to rebuild Zack. Or that, when she was talking about him learning to cook and be more caring, that Zack was going to be in dresses and stuff and be made to be girly, and that was just a gross, gross idea and all. Right?
So I asked could I talk to them alone and told them not to remake him at all -- that it was horrible to not be allowed to be like you really were -- because he had been the first nicest person when I got here, and that was a real good part of him, and that it was just he sometimes wanted to be too bossy, but being bossy was good when it was for the right ways.
Because I really do think he's like that, Mars: a jerk because he thinks that makes people like him, but really, really nice down under. Just because of the way he looked and because of how sad he was yesterday and tonight too. And I told them about the fight at the rec center, and that it wasn't him, too. And said not to try and change him but let the real him come out.
And he smiled, and she said I was wise (yeah, well, you know whatever), and then Dr Philips told Zack that I had argued for him, and Zack was still standing right by the door holding the pie still, and hadn't hardly moved, and I asked if they wanted to eat some and said if it was mine I could share it.
And while I was cutting it Ms Philips -- Dr. Connelly, I mean -- was looking at my hands and, see, on Monday, when I was real down and all, Ms Y. had helped all of us try to do French nails, and she wasn't real good at it because she always has hers done and a different way, but some of the white was still there, and there was a light pink polish on top too, but I didn't think that showed up, and also right then I noticed that my cloud necklace had come out from under my T.
And she asked to look at the necklace, and she said she wished Zack would take good care of his nails like that, and I said it was glaze from pottery and if it got hot enough would turn green and that I didn't think Zack would like doing his nails that much, and she smiled and said she just meant keeping them cut and clean and not biting them, and she wasn't going to make him do fancy things to them, but if I wanted to do very fancy things to mine ever, that was just fine with her.
And I think that was like a coded message, wasn't it, Marsh? And it meant she knew about me sometimes doing girl things, or at least the finger nails, and didn't care?
But OK, so while eating the pie we had to talk about summer plans, and I've got none, and Zack has tons; like two camps, and they're going to Mexico; and Daddy wants to go to the Grand Canyon and places, and I hadn't heard that yet. But even before Zack could finish his firsts on pie, they were talking about kidneys. They don't work at the dialysis center, but he's a hematologist and she does lots of biopsies including kidneys, so they were talking about Daddy's things at the Mayo Clinic.
Then Dr Connelly said Zack and I should go to my room, and I didn't want that, you know, and hoped Daddy would say, "No, watch TV," but he didn't, and I tried to get Zack to just look at the DVDs in the living room, but he said, sort of whispered, "It's OK, Sky. I want to tell you something."
So then in the hall I like said that Sky was a cousin and sometimes we changed places and not me, and he said sort of: "OK. Whatever." And then he didn't say anything when we got in my room about anything, like the dolls and all my shoes by the wall, and I'd left my new dress just on the bed.
But instead he said he really was sorry, and especially about the pictures and about what he did in his room, and didn't know why I hadn't told anyone about any of it. And he wanted to be friends again and he'd try better and all like that.
And I said that would be really nice, and I wanted to be friends too, and that sometimes he was really nice but, if he was going to go back and do like he had, I would just feel sorry for him from a distance.
And he smiled and said, "OK, I won't ever, really. Please." And I think he really did mean it, Mar.
And he said that his brother had tried to tell him he was an asshole, and hadn't told his parent's about the pie until after the finger shooting thing, and he had been like he was about to beat him up about that. And that his brother had always been like: "Saying 'gay' and all names and being a tough guy was the opposite of being cool, because to be cool you let other people be." And that he had also got long speeches about all that from his parents because of what he had yelled at me. But that the thing that really got him was when I said he was gay for wanting that stuff in my letter, and he said he'd known that, he guessed, and it made him feel weird and scared too.
And I told him the things you said about not knowing at thirteen and being curious not being the same as wanting it for life; and he said, yeah, he daydreamed about girls too, and he had had that kind of race with boys, but only a couple of times, and it wasn't the same as what he thought about doing with people all the time, and that he thought those web sites were gross really but kept them to impress peeps, and didn't now because those boys were real jerks once he had got his allowance taken.
And he asked if I was gay, and I said (and I guess I haven't really said this before, not even to myself.) that I thought about what it would be like with boys doing that too, and with girls sometimes, but I mainly though about what it would be like just holding hands and kissing and hugging with a boy, more than any of that other stuff. So I don't know what that makes me at all.
And he said that when he first knew me he felt that way most about with me, more than with anyone else ever; he didn't want it to be like contest stuff, but nice.
And I told him that I thought it was different for little kids playing, which was what he had really done, than when older people, like us now, did sex stuff. And that I wasn't going to do any, any of that ever until I was lots older, at least sixteen. And he kind of thought that made sense.
And I don't know, Marsh, but does any of that sound right to you, or are we just missing something real huge?
But anyway, I guess I can't tell every word because when I try it always gets way long to make you read. But he was real nice that whole night. And we just sat beside the bed and talked about lots of stuff; and I even told him about flunking, and he was like that was no big deal because it was for missing school. And I told him I was going to Westcott Hall, and he called me a Ewhie, which is said like something smells bad, and what kids call people that go there because it is Evelyn Westcott Hall officially after this famous scientist lady form long ago, who invented something called Balthazar's Extract; but he was only kidding, because he wants to go there really too (because he is closet dweeb he said.) but is on the waiting list and not in yet. And he said it was because his mother didn't like the grades he got a public school, but not because they're bad but because they're real good, and he doesn't ever work at all.
So this got to be another Sky-sized letter, huh? But when his father called him, Zack asked to "meet" Sky, and I said sure someday, and I guess I'll have to let him, and I know he knows, of course, but he's like: "I'll pretend if that's what you want." And I think he wanted to kiss, but we didn't, and we had been sitting on the floor leaning on the bed, and I was right up next to him and his arm was on my shoulder then, and I hadn't ever noticed.
OK, so maybe I'm getting all fooled again, huh? But I really just want him to be really as nice as he acts like sometimes, and I think if I'm too mean then he can't ever be. Right?
So then after they left I got to talk to Daddy at last about important stuff, and he asked about the freak out a lot, but finally let it go, and told me about the trip and let the thing about Grandpaw slip. But, if Daddy hasn't said anything about the money from Granpaw, ask him. I think it's a lot, not like the Younger's a lot, but more than we ever thought. And she is doing something with it that's not supposed to happen. OK?
So anyway, I got to go and work; Daddy says we're going out tonight, so don't look for another letter, OK?
Then tomorrow I'm meeting up with Kaezee to go shopping for a new swimsuit because she only has a half day because of exams. All the elementary schools and Jr. Highs get out tomorrow too, and Lisa and Wendy have lots of parties, like two sleepovers each, for this weekend. And it's not first, third, or fifth weekend, so no Ann or Becky either. But the parties start with everyone swimming at the club, and it will be a huge crowd, so I really want to go. After that, though, it will be a long slow dullllllll holiday weekend for Sky, I guess.
Lisa was like she could get me an invite to the sleepovers because it would be lots of the girls that are going to be in my grade next year. She just doesn't see that I can't tell them I'll be going there when I'm being a girl, because I won't be at school, right? But she just spaces on that over and over.
G2G and do all that 'puter stuff, I guess. Bye.
I'm being real stupid again, right?
Loves & Hugs
Sky
Hi, Marsh
I didn't get to go out to eat with Daddy because he had to stay at his office and catch up on reports and everything from while he was gone. And I'm mad about it, really! It's not fair when he's been gone so much!
But so, I just stayed here and got a pizza for just me. Don't know why, but I got a white one, and it was my first time I could have had a tomato one. I learned to like 'em better, even though peeps all say they're weird.
But anyway, I went on CoH and Zack wasn't on, and I could have told if he was on another server, or even CoV too, so maybe it's because he's in trouble still, or studying because of exams, or playing WoW or something. So I built a huge toon, that's like one that's not male or female, but looks mostly male and is real, real bulky, and I made it a tank, which are the guys that get hit a lot and don't ever feel it much, and I went into the sewers with it, but getting hit on purpose wasn't much fun really.
So just bored, bored, bored..... So I thought of you -- OK, that didn't sound so nice, but you know what I mean!!
But anyway, Zack was at fly fishing today, and he was real, real nice too. And so was Jeff, you remember his partner all the time, and he thinks I'm a girl, and I continued to let him think that too, and so did Zack without even chuckling about it. And I asked Jeff why, if he thought I was a girl from the start, he had called me gay when I told him about cooking class at first; and Zack said, "Because Jeff always says that. He would call anyone gay for doing something girls do, even if it's a girl," or about like that. And Jeff kind of got embarrassed but didn't argue, so I guess he does. They are all so dumb, Marsh, aren't they?
But Jeff isn't that dumb actually because I found out he's got a scholarship to go to Westcott next year already. So, that's another person that I got to figure out what to tell when school starts. I think the thing is to just tell every one that Jude is a cousin of Jessica, who is called Sky, and both are called Jessie. And Sky was here while Jude was with an aunt or something. Do you think that will all work? If it did, I could be a girl outside 'til August.
But what else? Oh. I did get a swim suit last week with Ms Y. But I told Kaezee about it, and she was like that's a real bad suit for special kinds of girls to have, so it was lucky I didn't try to wear it. See the thing is, it's like stretchy and tight, and like with those some people look to see the middle part, you know? And boys like to see it, but girls too, to see how big the bulges on the side are, like. And so, like, even though I am kinda good at taping now, it would still just look flat, and some times when wet the tape outline could show unless I got this special thing or got so I could shape it just right. All right, I guess that's too much about all that, but I just wish I didn't have to worry about it always, and it'd be nice to have the right things.
But anyway we're going to try to take it back to Target -- Tar-jay, we always call it that -- and Daddy said, 'OK,' and to get three because peeps swim a lot out here. Which is pretty cool of him, right?
So anyway, back to about the suits. Kaezee and I are going to look for ones that have linings but are still real cute. And I haven't seen her in like forever, but we IM a lot. And the pool doesn't get really crowded until about four because the little kids don't have half days, just the high-schoolers. And we have to wait for Lisa and Wendy to get there to be their guest, and I'd asked them if Kaezee could be theirs too.
So that's tomorrow, and I might get my ears pierce too, but I forgot to talk to Daddy about it yet, and I think I could just stop wearing them at the start of August and they'd close up by school which is August 20th here, but the 18th for seventh graders for orientation. Do you think they would?
So that's all I guess. Daddy said he wouldn't be real late but it's already nine-thirty, but at least he didn't have to go the dialysis unit, because that always means real late.
Oh WAIT. I forgot to tell you, I got the rose I tried to make in pottery class this afternoon, and I'd tried to put eighteen petals on it because that was all the time I had, and eight fell of when it was fired the first time and five more did this time, when it was fired for the glaze, so it only now has five petals. Which is just real sad, but some of the petals didn't break and they are all made one at a time, and are pretty just by them selves, and I'm going to save some, and I'll give you some too. But I sent most and the sad rose to someone else already. But the petals are pink at the top and red at the bottom. (The pottery lady did little chips of all the mixed up glazes, so we could get the right colors this time.)
And we just did sugar cookies in cooking too today, but in lots of shapes, and had to go get them latter, and Zack and Jeff lucked out because they both came to help me get mine and my rose, and lots of people that didn't have two classes weren't coming back, so they got a dozen each. And I left mine over at the Youngers' because I went by there. No one was there yet, but Connie asked me to eat with them, but that was before I knew Daddy wasn't coming home because he won't ever call my cell for some reason, and had only left a message here. And we had even cancelled tutoring for going out and because the tutor had exams to grade.
And I'm surprised you don't know about the trust fund things yet. But I guess Daddy has reasons. He doesn't like to talk about her to me at all because he thinks it make me sad and mad too much. But I'll ask, because this might be something we should know about, like you said.
OK!!! There's Daddy! g2g
Bye,
Loves & Hugs,
Sky
Hi-s, Lisa,
OK, what I wanted to say just when you were leaving was that Zack asked me today if I wanted to go to see "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" with him tomar. (And I said, "Go with you, or GO with you?" And he said, "GOooo with me, I guess." and was all chuckling and blushing almost too! :)) ) And I know you don't like him much, but I think he's gotten lots, lots, lots, lots better lately. I really do, Lis. And especially after all that thing that happened at the pool today.
But here's the thing -- I'm not just bragging or something -- then that Jeff boy, you remember him? He's pretty cute with blondish hair, and was there with Zack? And he was in one of my rec center classes and mostly nice, and he's going to the Hall next year, in eighth -- Oh, he was the one that tried to break up the fight by the drinks last week and all, remember? Anyway, he asked me to go too, but I'm kinda sure that was just a go, not a GO. And actually they are both going at the same time. It's a big, huge group thing. So I was wondering if you would like to go and be with Jeff?? Please. It would be fun.
But I've got to know by three o'clock, and I know you won't be home tonight, so let me know right away and all, OK? That's because Zack's big brother is going to order all the tickets on line, and we pay him back when we get there. But it will probably sell out being brand new and a holiday, and we'll eat at the food court too.
Bye,
OH -- Hope you have fun at the party (or had by when you read this, Doh.) and BIG MAJOR GRATZ on graduating from sixth grade, middle schooler!! (I forgot to say that 'cuz of all the stuff, and I got you a prez too that I forgot today; I'll bring it tomar.)
Smiles,
Sky
Hi, Marsh,
I haveta tell you about what happened today. It's just so -- ga! do I use the word Weird a LOT, or what? But whatever. Do you want to hear about it? OK, then stop reading. :-P
OK so this is what happened: I told you about the pool thing that everybody plus goes to on the last day of school, right?
Well Kaezee and I got there about four o'clock, and we were supposed to meet Ms Y. to sign us in as guest, but they let us go on in because they remembered me and knew the Y's would be there sooner or later too. And it already was way crowded with peeps. And Ann was there too, even though it's not their weekend on this side of town, so I knew Becky had to be close by. And Ann or someone had staked out a big territory over at the back of the pool, so we moved in with them.
And as soon as I sat down, Zack showed up and he was part of that group, I knew that right away, because he had a drink on our table. And I found out later that the boy next to Ann was his big brother, and they're sort of an item. But there were about ten, I think, others too, some that I'd seen around, or that Kaezee or Ann or Becky had seen at the mall and things.
And I got Kaezee to smear sun stuff all over my back, and Zack came and asked if he could, and Kaezee did this funny thing where she folded her arms and looked him up and down several times, before she said he could do the top and she would do the bottom, and everyone was laughing, even me, except Zack, who looked sooo clueless. And Zack's brother said to be careful with Kaezee's protege to him. I know that was off the point but it was so cute.
So then Becky showed up, and she said hi like she was surprised to see us, and then she said, "So, does everyone know our newest and cutest tranie, Sky?"
She did, Marsh. Just like that.
I felt like kicked in the stomach or something, you know? And I got up, and I started to go into the lady's locker to hide. But now I couldn't. And so I walked off towards the tennis courts on the grass. And Kaezee and Zack were both following, and Zack tried to hold my hand, and Kaezee said for him to go away, and he did. And I sat down and Kaezee did to, and I was crying and didn't want to, and she hugged me. And I don't even think that's what I am really, and why would she say that and stuff, I said.
And Zack came back with her. And she was like: "What's the matter?" She really was, Marsh.
And Kaezee said she was an idiot.
And she said, but the people there didn't care; they would all think it was great, and things like that, because they were in the group that's friends of gays at Westcott, and two of the boys were holding hand too, and none of them had problems with that kind of thing.
And I said that I don't want the world to know.
And she was all: "You don't understand, Sky. At anime conventions and cosplay things people were famous for being Tranies and signed autographs, and you're so cute, you want peeps to know." And she even said that Kaezee and I should make a Utube thing and we'd be famous and on Ophra, and things.
So I asked, "Is that the reason you ever wanted me around, to be your Famous Freak Friend?"
And Kaezee told her that I didn't want to be a 'Tranie' and famous for it, and those people were different, and that I wanted to just be a girl, a regular girl, and that Becky had just said I could never, never be one. And that was the very way I felt, Marsh. Not just mad because she said I wore girl's stuff, and told a secret.
And finally Becky went away, and so did Zack, because he had been standing close listening too. And I just sat there with Kaezee, and we decided to go back to the apartment, and she went to get our stuff. But she came running right back and hollering that I had to come and hear something.
And back at the group Zack and Becky were arguing about whether the boy I looked like was my cousin or my brother. And Jeff, he came from somewhere, was saying Zack had thought I was a boy at first. And Becky said she had just meant to tease because I looked so much like my brother, only, and was friends with Kaezee, who they did all already know about.
And Lisa had come and said she knew me real well and for a long time, and I was not only a girl but a girly-girl too much. And Zack said that he had been talking to Coach Barker, the girls coach at the Jr-Hi, when I got out of PE (which he only changed the coach to the girl's coach.), and that he had got mad at me and was being an asshole with all that boy stuff to Jeff, but was over it. And then Wendy said, real, real loud, that she had skinny-dipped with me, and she would have sure noticed a thing wiggling around and didn't. And a little kid saying that made them all laugh and listen. And then Amanda said, yeah, she was there too.
And by then most of the people that I didn't know that well were already tired of the whole thing, but what Wendy had said sort settled the whole thing (and that wasn't even a lie at all!) So then all I had left to be embarrassed about was that I'd gone skiny-dipping and the world knew it.
And none of the olds or the little kids in the groups near us seemed like they had heard anything, and Becky hugged me and said she was a jerk and an idiot and a creep, and I didn't argue, but did hug her back.
And the rest of the whole day was a lot of fun, and I don't think I even got sunburned any at all. And when the girls went in to change, no one minded me going, or said anything about that I hadn't brought clothes because I live across the street.
And Zack and Jeff had a cannon ball contest for about two hours, which kept them busy enough and just around for a little at a time, and BOTH of them asked me to go to a movie with them!!
And, Marsh, it was a lot of fun, and then it was over. But, anyway, it was except that I think still that Becky, and Ann too maybe, only like me because I am freak, maybe, like I had said. But, Marsh, they had liked me even before, at least some, way back in March, and no one has ever really liked Jude much at all, only Sky, or only once they thought I was a girl. So I don't know about them now.
And then when I was walking back though, I thought about how what Becky said I was was what I am, really. Not even really. But a boy who likes to wear girl things, and if people don't really mind that and think it's neat, then maybe I should just tell them. But then they know that I'm not a girl, and that isn't really the way I feel --- and I don't know. You know??
Marsha, what if she ever finds out that people think I'm a girl? I don't think I could stand being so embarrassed. And someday she will, and I should figure out how to stop all of this before, right?
Loves & Hugs, Sis,
Sky
P.S.: And, Marsh, don't say anything to our mother about the money things, OK. Daddy asked if you knew, and I think he's scared she will get like she was again.
" 'To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,--
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few.' "
© 2008 by Jan S
Hi, Mars!
What you said is a lot like she was lots last fall too, Mar. Sometimes she would just sort of stay in her room or not really say much for a long time. Then she would stop and be real mad, but sometimes she would just go right back to regular. Is she just being real bossy a lot? If you do what she says, or just say you are, she's better.
Anyway, I did get Daddy to talk some about Granpaw and the money, but you know I don't really understand it, and you should just ask him. But Granpaw did have a lot. He bought an old farm no one wanted a long time ago and made money selling it later, like he told me once. And Daddy says he just kept doing that over and over for about forty years and some and, by the time it was a lot, he was old already, and he had that old house he liked with his vegetable garden, and he didn't want more, so he never used the money, and it just got bigger. Sort of like Ms Y., I guess, but Daddy says it's not nearly that much, but could be enough to put his grandkids through medical school, if Michael doesn't become a philosopher, and we don't decide we're rich. That's the way he said it.
And Granpaw put it in three parts, one is divided for us, and one part is hers, and one part is this life thing for her, but she can't use it, only what it makes or something. Don't go into it, OK? So, anyway, she has been taking money form our parts, and Daddy learned about it when the lawyer sent him tax papers because he is my guardian. And she didn't even tell the courts about it, and that could get her put in jail even.
So, OK. That's all I really know. Talk to Daddy, OK?
Love ya lots and lots of hugs,
Sky
P.S.: I didn't even tell you about my new swim suits yet, but I thought that would just seem so silly with the other stuff, so I won't 'til you ask.
Are you scared about it, Marsh?
Hi, Lisa,
NOOOO! Don't tell your Mom it's a date! Geez, Lis!
It's not really anyway, just say it is going to a movie but there will be boys there is all. I mean everyone is paying, right? So that isn't a date, OK?
I think Amanda could come, I guess. I don't know that many boys around here though; do you know someone she could meet up with? Or I could ask Zack.
OH. I just remembered. You'll never check your mail when you aren't told something is coming. So what am I typing this for? I'll have to call you anyway.
Bye
Smiles,
Sky
How you been? It's been a while since you've written and all. I wish you could come out here for a bit, especially if you don't want to go to her house and all. Why not?
Also, maybe you should call Daddy and talk to him about some things to do with grandpaw's money, OK?
Bye,
Loves, Sky
Hi, Zack,
My parental said it would be all right, but he's going to drop me off and pick me up.
Do you think it would be OK if my friends, Lisa and Amanda, came along too? I told them it was a big group thing.
Do you think that Jeff might like Lisa? Will there be someone there for Amanda to be with too?
I tried to call but only got the machine, so I hope you get this in time. I'm going to go ride my bike for a while, but I've got a cell. It's ---/----. Call me when you get home, 'K? (And you can email me now too again, btw.)
Smiles,
Sky
Hi, Marsh!!
Oh boy! You want to hear all about my new suits!! :-)
But I should tell you this while I still remember it: Zack held my hand almost the whole time during the movie tonight. Well, OK, I had to kind of grab it and make him, but he kept putting it on the arm thingy and then moving it back so I had to do something, right?
And, of course Lisa and those guys started giggling about it. And at the end he put his arm on my shoulders, right in front of them. And the movie was pretty good too. But I thought he was being really nice the whole night, and he was really, really trying hard to too. So maybe I was right, huh? Maybe I did tame him after all, like you said doesn't work. :-P
OK, the suits: One, the one I wore yesterday, is royal blue, and has yellow on all the edges. And it's a one piece, they all are, but it has holes in the sides, three on each side, and then there is like just a little almost string connector between each hole, including at the bottom, so the whole of my side almost shows. And it also has a hole where my bellybutton is too (and I really need to get it pierced just for that suit!!) And it has a built in bra and the lining makes it look like I have something there. A little bit anyway.
And there was this really neat suit in the store that had even more holes. You know like cut outs all over, and all different sizes, but never in the places that count, and I'd have liked to have gotten that, but no matter how I moved it around at least three of the holes were right on top of one of my stomach scars, so I got the one with the cut outs on the sides instead.
And that might be my favorite, but I had thought my favorite was the one I'm saving for Monday, when I can actually get in the water. That one is teal, and it has almost no back at all, but just spaghetti straps across the top part, and the bottom has thicker straps on the side, but they don't come up very high on the back, so a bit of my crack shows on top, but just a little bit, Marsh, and the lining, that I have to have for things, isn't on the back part, and it shows a lot of my tush on the sides too; I mean it's no where like a thong, but thin and the connector parts to the front are about two inches thick anyway, so I don't think it looks that skimpy at all. And Kaezee said I was right too. Do you think Daddy will think it's OK?
But the other thing is, see, I always used to think my butt was too big, and it's not real skinny or anything, but it's not really round like. I mean on the sides I've got butt dents. Do you know what I mean? Places where it goes in, instead of being round there. And do you think that is compleatly a boy thing? Kaezee says it is kinda, but people won't really notice and skinny girls might have them too, but I've never looked to see, and don't know. Do you? But anyway I do sort of like it anyway.
OK, and then the last one is neat too because, though it looks like a kind of old fashion one, you know covers lots, if you look at it real close you can tell that it is a mesh and you can see through it, except it has three triangles of lining in those spots, but they are like peach colored so it fools you anyway. And you're supposed to be able to tan right through it, but not burn, they said, at least not too fast. And unless you're real, real close it looks like yellow with big orange flowers though. But the thing I liked best about it was it came with a cover up that is bright, bright yellow and a real loose knit and shaped like a poncho, like triangled but with hidden parts under the sides to hold it down.
And, you know, Daddy hasn't seen them yet, and I don't think they are like any that Ms Y. would have wanted me to get, but Kaezee liked them and all. And you know really, though the one Ms Y. got me covered more and all, it was made so it would show cracks, both at the front and the back, so I don't see that it was better. Do you think they're OK, or too old for me or something? They can't really be because they fit, and even do up top.
OK. But oh, there is one more thing to tell you. I went for a ride today and went to look at the real neat house I told you about. And it's been sold.
I don't know why, but it kind of made me sad that it had. The other house already has people in it, and I think they must be real old because I didn't see any bikes or toys or things, just flower pots and outdoor chairs around.
But I was looking over the fence at the back yard of the one that has the round tower, and this man yelled at me, but then when he saw how I was dressed, my puppy dog T and some yellow shorts and the yellow tennies, he got friendlier, of course. And he told me he was the foreman for the guy that built them, and that some one on just last Thursday had said they would buy it, and wanted it ready in a big hurry too. So I guess that means I'll never get to live in it, and that man said the big iron thing in the back yard was to keep things out of the pool, and it even has a hot tub too. Wouldn't it be great to have your own pool, Marsh? Especially out here. But that man said he was going to have to work on the holiday to get the fence around it taken down and start putting in new dirt and grass. But anyway, whatever.
OK, that's all the eleven o'clock news from out here. I'm glad she is acting better today.
Loves and Hugs!
Sky
Really!!
You're really coming, Mike! Daddy just told me. Is your 'puter broke? You could have told me, you know.
Daddy says I have to clean out my closet, which is what he's started calling the extra bedroom. But don't worry; I'll have it done by Tuesday night. It's worth it.
But, Michael, there is something I need to tell you first, OK?
You see, I dress and wear my hair a lot different from last year now almost always, and I hope you don't freak when you see it, but I don't really know how to explain all about it really. So I'll just wait and let you see. Well it's like sometimes I, actually wear girl's things, Mike.
OK, I said it. So be prepared for a shock, OK? I hope you're not totally grossed or anything. Please, don't be. I really want to see you a lot. I really do. And I hope it's OK.
Daddy said he wanted me to stay home because your plane gets in so late, but I'd really like to go to pick you up with him, but if you would rather have the shock here we can. If I go to the airport I get out of a lesson with my Soc. Studies tutor, though. :)
That's not the reason I want to go, you know. It's been so long!!
Write me soon, please, you have to be getting email somewhere, I know.
Hugs and Smiles
Sky
Hi!
Know what?? Michael is coming out here and is going to stay until his camp job starts next month!! That's great, right? He and Daddy had it all worked out and he gets here on Tuesday. You can still come too, you know. We can figure out something. I could move in to the little den place, or we could share for a while.
But OK, the stuff you asked about.
I just asked Daddy why she would say something like that, and the first thing he said was to tell you not to talk to her about it. OK? Then he said that he didn't know why she would say I'd taken her money at all. But I think I know why.
Daddy said that granpaw changed his will about two years ago, and that's when he added the life thing and made the trust funds bigger, and that was near when they had a big fight about me dancing and her hitting me, remember?
Daddy also said that a lot of her part isn't making as much as it did because of the markets and things, and that she was probably not nearly as rich as she had thought she would be, and that part of it was in these houses that are hard to sell at all right now. So, I guess, she blames all of that on me for dancing in front of granpaw, or something maybe.
Do you think that might be what she meant, anyway?? Daddy left for the dialysis center again, but he said he would write you later.
About the other thing you asked, Mars. It is just really hard to talk about at all, Marsh. Because I don't feel like that any more at all. But no, the scars aren't from something she did to me. But it wasn't just an operation, but there was one. I did them, OK?
But I didn't try to kill myself, Marsha. I promise, I promise. I wanted to live. See. It's all just real, real hard to explain but, see, I felt dead, and I wanted to feel something, because I couldn't really feel anything else. So I did that.
And even Daddy and all the shrinks couldn't understand and thought I was offing myself, but I never was.
OK, so see, it was the night right after the court things, when she was terminated as my parent, and I had to go in and answer the lawyer's questions even though I had talked to the judge alone before. And I said I didn't think she should go to jail, and she had for three days because of cutting me last fall, but I didn't think it would make anything better, and I said I was sad that she wouldn't be my mom anymore. And I guess I was crying, and she yelled out about how I always did that, and I didn't feel things right for a boy, and how she had always tried to help me and make me better, so I wouldn't be in danger, but I always did the wrong things anyway.
And well OK, it's just hard to go into but, Marsha, I think I always tried to do the things, be the ways, she wanted, but it didn't help, or I didn't know what it was or something.
And then she got fined and sent outside, and then I asked to leave when the judge was reading the thing, and she was in the hall, and she saw me, and she said that she was glad I wasn't hers any more, and that I was just a thing, a broken thing always.
And I looked at her, and the court police ladies with her made her leave. And then I didn't want to cry anymore, and I couldn't at all anymore. I didn't feel bad any more, but that didn't really feel good.
And so, this is how it happened. I was just trying to get a hard spot off next to my finger nail, and I was just using my pocket knife from my tackle box because I couldn't find the clippers, or something. And I just dropped the knife and it hit my stomach with the blade, and I felt that. And, Marsha, people don't get this, but when you stop feeling that feels real good to feel something. And I moved the blade along it and made a scratch, and then, I guess, I put it into it. And I did that four times, but there was only one that broke open anything on the inside, and I still have four scars, but one is only a little white mark now.
And I know you don't get that either, and think I'm crazy and all because of it, but I'm not. I know I'm not, and neither was Jude then either. But when you never felt like that, and even when you have stopped feeling like that -- or stop not feeling like that, because it isn't any feeling -- then it is not understandable. So even to me now, I can't remember how it was.
But they let me out of the hospital, but it was more like a month, not what I told you before, because I didn't want to say I'd been in the nut house for a month after the regular hospital, and when they let me go they said it wasn't going to last a long time and was because of what she had said and happened, and then Daddy wanted to take this new job right after that too.
And that was one of the things the school used to try to keep me out of regular classes too, because they thought I was depressed still and might off myself.
But now I don't feel that way. I feel a lot now. And I know I'm not a thing anymore now. OK? And the scars should maybe be gone in a year or so, except one that they might have to do something to, and the inside part is OK now too.
OK
That's really all there is about that all, OK?
Bye, alright?
Loves and Loves and Hugs,
Sky
Marsh, Listen!!
I got it, Marsha. What's that Greek word? Eureka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listen. OK, after writing earlier, I wanted to go for a bike ride just to get out, and because Daddy has to be doing dialysis center things until this afternoon.
So, have you ever heard this poem, it's by Emily Dickenson, because I just looked it up to make sure the words were right:
To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,--
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few.
And the 'puter says it's spelled wrong, but it's not. Have you heard it? Daddy told it to me. It was when we were fishing, and I wasn't fishing, I was just sitting by a tree and looking down the canyon we had come up to catch trout, and I was thinking about how it looked like a tunnel because of all the trees on both sides, and about how the little pool at the very bottom might have been a big huge field, and I was wearing a sun dress and running in that field. I mean I wasn't, I was wearing some of your old shorts and a T and sitting by a tree, but I was thinking of wearing a beautiful, cute dress and running in that field though.
And lots of peeps might have said, "A penny for your thoughts," or something like that, but Daddy didn't. He handed me this little leaf, and it was from a tree, and not a clover but sort of like one, and he said that poem to me, and then he smiled and went back to fishing.
OK, so after that letter and thinking about back in the winter, I went for a ride, just alone, and I tried to go real, real fast, and the bike path was crowded because of it being Sunday and tomorrow a holiday, but I did anyway. And this time I was wearing a dress, a white sun dress with straps, and it flew up when I rode, but I checked, and I don't think I could go fast enough to make it high enough to show my panties because it is pretty long, so that was OK.
And I got to where that house that just got bought is, and the chain fence is all gone now, and so I sat in its yard. Mostly, it is all dirt, and hard dirt, but there was one patch that was green, and I sat there, and was just having a drink from my water bottle, but I looked at that round part of it and thought of it having an old fashioned window seat like in some old pictures, where people could seat and read. And that was what I was daydreaming about, but then I saw a clover next to me, and just right then a bee came by me, and went around and away, and I remembered that poem. And then I started thinking about the revery I had the day Daddy told me the poem, and then I started thinking about daydreaming.
And so I thought of all the daydreams I used to have and, Marsh, I used to daydream about being a quarterback and throwing a winning touchdown, or about being a knight and fighting to save someone, or a soldier even. And I used to make my self daydream like that because I knew that is what I was supposed to daydream about. But I also thought about being at a ball and dancing, or on a stage, or even being in a tower. But Marsh, I was always a girl. When I stopped controlling the daydream, and when it became a revery, and I wasn't worried about what I was suppose to dream, I was always a girl, even if I had been a soldier or knight or football guy, when I took the helmet off, long hair came down, and I had a nice smile and pretty eyes!! Always!!
And, this is the thing: that was before I was out here and people let me pretend to be one or thought I was. This was even back in Bethesda, and in Boston when I was real little, and before doing all those sports things she wanted me to always do. You See!!
And, yeah, some people hated Jude. But it was a Jude that was always having to pretend to be someone else, not the real Jude. A Jude that had to be tough and rough and lots of things I'm not, all the, all the, all the time. And I didn't hate Jude. I didn't and some people didn't and saw the pretend part. But it's not that I want to pretend to be a girl to not be Jude any more, and that's what Dr. Ross says it might be, but it can't be because I always was a girl when in revery!! SEE?? Please see.
Because that has to mean I have always been a girl, no matter what, I have always been, and just tried to do what people, and Her, thought I should be, and I never could. A very special kinda girl, but a girl; a real, real, real girl.
So that is it!! That's all. Do you think that is right??? Say, yes, because it is. I know it.
I got a number to call Dr. Ross in emergencies. Do you think it's OK to use that for good stuff? Because she's got to understand this is right. But it's Sunday, and a holiday, and I don't even have an appointment tomorrow.
Daddy said he'd be back in time, and we could finally go out to dinner tonight, like we had planed last Thursday. But it's still early. I'm going to see if we can go somewhere real, real nice!!
I'm going to see if I can get Kaezee on the phone because she isn't on line. And then I'm going to call that number for Dr Ross, because emergencies don't have to all be terrible and this is a kind of emergency too, and I have to tell people that I'm a girl!!
Bye
I wish you were here so we could just dance, Marsh!!
Loves and Hugs and Kisses and Hugs and Kisses and Loves and Kisses and Hugs and Loves and Kisses and Hugs and Loves from YOUR SISTER!!!!!,
Sky
"...how can Sky not live happily ever after?"
By Jan S
© 2008 by Jan S
Hi, Marsh
It's your Sister!! :)
You around, Marsha? I still haven't heard from you, I guess 'cuz of the holiday, and things come up.
Anyway, I did call Dr. Ross and started to leave a message on the machine at her emergency line, and before I even got done she called on my cell, and said that my revery thing made sense to her!!
And that it might be an epiphany, which is like when you realize something for real all the sudden, and at least it is enough to give being a girl a try full time, and I can even start taking pills to be a better one. They aren't the pills that will make me grow like a girl, but just to stop me becoming more like a man for now. And Kaezee had told me about them because I can't start the others for a while, until I'm sixteen or almost am probably. But these will stop me from getting a low voice and big muscles and all that kind of junk at least. Kaezee even said it was good about being a year behind in school, because it will be less noticed that I'm not growing up for right now too.
But Dr. Ross wanted me to get a physical first and have to wait, but I told her about all the test with the stomach doctors, and she is going to get the results faxed tomorrow and, if it's the right test and OK, she will have the pills for me at her office on Wednesday morning!!! Which is still two whole days of becoming more like a man, but the best we could do.
And when I told Daddy what I had realized he was happy for me too. And he agreed it meant getting a fancy dinner to celebrate, and I even got to wear my high heels at last last night and, because we couldn't get a reservation 'til late, he took me to the Mall, and I got my ears pierced while we were waiting!!!
And most days that's two things that would have been huge headline for me!! Right?
And for now I have to only use these studs for forever and do lots of cleaning stuff for almost all summer, but Daddy bought me two other pairs to use as soon as I can. One is little gold loops with a little diamond (only looks like one, probably) right at top. And one is real diamonds in a star shape that we got at better store than just Clair's. But the ones I got for the training period are OK too; they're flowers with fake diamonds and emeralds.
So a third thing that would have been a headline too!! I get to go swimming today!!! Remember? I don't have to just sit and watch, and lots of the kids were like they didn't want to go today, because it is too crowded and with lots and lots of olds around that have the day off. But I asked them too (OK, I begged and, maybe, pretended to pout a little.) and Lisa and Amanda and Wendy are going to come, they think. And Zack said he was going to try real hard to, but he was still in trouble, and had a hard time getting to come Friday. But, and he said he wanted to "baptize me." As if!!!
Daddy, made me show him all my suits this morning, and I don't think he liked the butt-dents one, but he's letting me keep it, and it's what I'm wearing today. The yellow one I have to take back, because he says that from across the pool that color would make me look like I had nothing on, and because the sheer stuff would let me burn too, and sales people don't know how easily I do that. But I can keep the cover-up for it if they will let me.
OK, bye. Write real soon, OK?
Hugs and Loves and More,
Your sister!!! :)
Sky
ZACHERY PHILIPS!!!!
You do NOT OWN ME!!!
I can't believe you would do that, Zack!!! You know it's a secret!!!
Besides I have spies!! I know you brother's girl friend, dummy!! And if anyone ever hears about my screaming when I got my ears pierced, everyone will know your middle name isn't Jonathon; it's worse, Ignatius!!!
Besides, I didn't scream that loud and lots of people do it anyway, and the piercing girl said I was at least third in loudness ever, Iggie. :-P
Ohhh, your initials are Z-I-P; that's cute! Eww. It might be worth it. So there.
Bye, Zippy.
Can you say PWNed? I knew you could. :-PPPPPP (that's a real long tongue sticking out btw)
Smiles,
Sky
P.S.: Are you going to be able to come to the pool again tomorrow? I'll probably have to leave about three; my 'rent has some big mystery thing he wants to do.
But know what? He said he was going to apply for membership there this week. bye
Hi, Mike!
You think I'm pretty and cute!!!! Really????? Of course, you have to say that, being a big bro and all, but I'm glad you did -- now say it lots, lots and lots more, so I believe you believe it, OK ;-)
I didn't even know Daddy sent the fishing pictures to Marsha that she sent to you. Did he send the ones in my gypsy dress? It's my favorite, I think. And she never told me she had told you, but I'm glad because it is hard to explain.
And, Michael, I'm real, real, real happy you aren't all flipped 'bout it and all. I was scared you would be, you know? But you still have it wrong though.
I don't pretend to be a girl, ever -- ever, Michael. I am one, and always was. C? I know that. I know it now a lot!!!
If you don't believe in that, I guess it is Ok, and you can just pretend that I'm pretending, I guess. That's alright and lots better than telling me I'm not. But can you tell me if you're only pretending, or if you know the truth? OK?
And see, I don't really know how it all happened, Mike, at all really. But out here I think I just met lots of peeps who didn't mind me being me, and maybe because they know there were peeps like me already, and that made it OK. And I thought it might be a plot, but everyone says no 'bout that, so I think it wasn't, and I don't even care now, because it is so much right. OK???
So tomorrow!!!!!!! I Can't Wait I Can't Wait I can't wait I Can't Wait I Can't Wait I can't wait I Can't Wait I Can't Wait I can't wait I Can't Wait I Can't.
But I got to warn you, Mike!! When I see you tomorrow, I'm going to run and jump on you and give you the biggest hug ever. Michael, girls can do that to their brothers, C, and don't have to act all cool and stuff when they're happy. So be ready for a ninety-two pound cannon ball right in the airport!!
And, Mike, You BETTER hug me back almost hard enough to hurt too!! Because if you don't it will hurt me a lot, and I'll show it right there in front of everybody. Because girls can feel things and show it too. And now I can. OK?
So you better! :-)
Love you lots, Big Bro!!
Sky
P.S.: It's been sooooooooo long!!
P.P.S.: I can't wait!!!!!! (did I say that already?) :-P
Marsh???
Are you OK?? Really. Maybe it's a 'puter thing, but try to write me. OK, maybe I'm just being silly again and all. But please. I sent you lots of important things and haven't heard back. Please be OK and me stupid. There's tons and tons of really great things more to tell, and I've no one to say it too!!!!
She scares me, Mars.
Hugs and Loves and Kisses,
Sky
Michael,
Can you get in touch with Marsha, Michael? She hasn't written in two days almost, and I think she would have, and Daddy doesn't want to call her or me to, because she is at that house and everything. Try and call, I know it is real late there and you're not getting email much and all but please see this.
Let me know, OK?
Hugs,
Sky
Hi, Mike,
Did you ever try to get Mars? I still haven't heard from her. Please, just go to Panera's or Starbuck's already!!! Please, check you mail, Mike.
Love,
Sky
Dear Mama,
Hello. I sent you something last Friday, and they said you would get it today. I hope you have already, and I hope you like it. I made it in a pottery class.
I sent it to let you know that I still love you, Mama.
I still remember all the times you were nice, and when you took care of me when I was sick and things.
Daddy also told me that you named me Jude after your aunt named Judith, and Skyler after your Mother's last name. I think your giving me names from your family shows you loved me once, and I've decided to use those names.
We live a long way away now. We moved here on March 20th, and I have made lots and lots of friend's. They really like me and know lots of things about me and still like me, Mama. They like me the way I really am. I hope that makes you happy that it is like that for me.
I just still love you, and I wanted you to have the rose, and I wonder if you still love me too.
If you do, please write back.
With love,
Your Child,
Jude
a.k.a., Judey; a.k.a., Jesse; a.k.a., Sky; a.k.a., Jessie; a.k.a., Skye
(They are all me, Mama. And I have to be who they are.)
Hi, Marsha
Again!! I so glad, Mars!!!!!!!! Daddy told me to come and write you because I was no good for some one to talk to all night, and he couldn't even watch TV with me there. He said he's going to call Mike and leave a message to tell him to tell you to look at your email when you're waiting in Denver, and so maybe you will get this if Mike turns on either his laptop or his cell.
And because so he won't go deaf from my talking the whole way back from the airport and others might get a chance to say something sometime too. He can be real mean to me sometimes with stuff like that, did you know that? Did he tease you like that too? I mean, I can't help being happy, can I? Right?
At least she didn't try and lock you up or something, Marsha. Or do anything like that. And Daddy said that, if you kept the pieces, the hard drive might still be good, and that tech peeps can put it into another 'puter and get all the stuff off of it, or a lot at least, but you probably know more 'bout that anyway. And I'm glad you knew the Sterns next door already and could go there too.
Marsh, was it because she got something from me? Because I sent her something, and it wasn't supposed to get there 'til today, but I guess it couldn't have by Sunday if that was when she went off.
Marsha, do you think she will always be like that? Do you think there might be some way to make her get better? I mean, Zack has changed a whole, whole lot, right? Do you think something like that might could happen with Mama? It would be nice if something would work, wouldn't it?
But anyway there is tons and tons I could tell you and I couldn't say it all on the phone, or Daddy says what I said I said so fast you couldn't have understood anyway. And it was so great to hear you! Do you know it's been since August that I haven't heard you? Or maybe a couple of times when I was at her house, but not very much. And I'm going to see you tonight!!!! !!!!!! So, YEA!!!!! !!!!! !!!!!! !!!!!
Do you know that Daddy tried to think he could make me wait at home again when the planes were changed, just because it's not here 'til after midnight!!! I mean he really did. And he also saidf he's going to fill up the swimming pool just because it's shaped like a kidney!! But, oh, you don't know yet. But Daddy bought a house!!!
And Marsh it is THE house. The one with the round tower on it that I told you about and everything, and he hadn't even told me at all, because he said he didn't want to until he had heard from the bank. And he told me that was because I don't know what "maybe' means, and he said if I do, then I forgot when it was a maybe about something I really wanted, and he didn't want my hopes way up, so he didn't say anything, but he was the person that had made the offer to buy it last week!!
And he waited 'til heard from the bank before he told me, and we are going to move into it just next week too. And I didn't know where we were going, and I felt like that girl in that Santa Clause movie, the real old one, when we drove up and Daddy said it was our house and it was my house too!!!!
And the round part downstairs does have a window seat, sort of, and it goes all around most of the room, and we're maybe going to put the piano in there, which will almost fill it up. But the upstairs round part is a sitting part of the master bedroom, the one with its on huge bathroom and all, and Daddy says I can't have it. But I'm going to use this room that is in the attic which has those windows that stick up on the roof, you know? And they have real, real window seats where you're like in away from the room, you know what I mean? But you will get to see it all tomorrow too, and see what it's like, and it has two bedrooms and a bath in the attic part, and two small and the giant bedroom on the upstairs, and it doesn't have a basement at all, but it has a room off to the side that will be like a rec. room, and it has a pool.
But it's a kidney shaped pool, and Daddy say that, because he's a nephrologists, he doesn't want to spend all day long taking care of people's kidneys and then come home and try to relax in something that shape, and so he's going to fill it in! And I know he's just kidding, 'cuz he's got to be, but he kept a straight face the whole time about it, so be on my side, and we can't let that happen. OK?
But anyway you will see the house tomorrow!!! Oh, and Daddy says it's not because of the trust funds or anything that he could get it, but because he sold the old cabin and found a renter for two years on our house. But it's not terrible, because the buyer is that guy that is really Daddy's cousin but wanted us to call him Uncle Joe and Aunt Kate, remember? He used to come there sometimes. And they're going to build a new house to retire in, and the cabin will be a guesthouse we can use anytime we want.
And, I really, really haveta tell you about yesterday because one real important thing happened at the pool yesterday, and one thing that might be real nice too. So, to keep it all in time order. (Remember when I had to used to do that all the time, along time ago?)
OK, so to start. Ms Y was over talking to Dr. Ross, so I went to say hi, and Dr Ross gave me a giant hug right away, because of the revery thing and everything, and then we told it to Ms Y., and Ms Y. asked if that meant I was going to go to school as a girl and all.
And I had thought about how great it would all be to do that, and Dr. Ross nodded to say she thought it would be good too. But I hadn't thought about how to get the school to let me. But Ms Y. said the middle-school dean for the Hall was at the pool, and I should talk to her right then and took me over, and she was the lady that had interviewed me, and she recognized me even though I was wearing my teal one-piece, and Ms Y. was standing there, but I had to do all the talking, and had to say I wanted to go to the hall as a girl, and I said it was because that was what I really was too.
And the lady smiled and said that was great news, because there were going to be three more boys in the seventh grade than girls, but now there would only be one more. And so just like that I am a girl at Westcott Hall, Marsh!!!! Because I knew they allowed very special kinds of girls there, because of Kaezee, and Ms. Herman did look over at Dr. Ross before she said that too. Ms. Herman is the dean person.
And so then the other real good yesterday thing, Marsh. At least I hope it is. Zack got to the pool later, and yeah he "baptized" me, three times, even though I had been in the pool a lot before he got there, but he wasn't mean, and didn't hold me under very long, and then he stopped after three. But here's the good thing, I took Zack over to Dr. Herman and told her that he was on the waiting list for eighth grade, and she remembered him, and I said he was real nice and would be real good for the eighth grade.
And she scowled at me and said, "Miss Eliot, we do not accept students based on how good a boy friend they will make for another student." And of course, I was real embarrassed and figured I'd messed up royal and more, but then she smiled and said, "However, knowing that Zack Philips is a nice boy is important information for us to consider."
So, do you think I helped and all? Do you think he's going to get in, Marsh?
And so one more thing, and it was today, and don't let Mike read this part!!!!! Delete it or something. But today at the pool there weren't very many people, but Amanda was there and so was Zack, and so was Jeff, that's that boy that was in fishing. But Lisa and Wendy were both at a special long dancing class, and couldn't come today, to get ready for their recital, which is on Saturday, and you can probably come too it if you want to.
But anyway, last weekend I'd tried to get Lisa with Jeff at the movie, but he wound up sitting with both her and Amanda, and talking to Amanda mostly. And then yesterday when he saw Amanda in this purple two piece with like a skirt around the bottom that's lace, and lacey stuff at the top too, he said, "That suit just looks totally gay," to Amanda.
And Amanda smiled and said, "Thanks." Like it was a compliment and now I think it probably is when Jeff says that to a girl. Right? And Amanda says she can fix that part of him, no prob.
Oh, and also, yesterday Lisa talked to this boy who was in her class a lot, and he has real big ears and braces, and someone should tell him or his mom that long hair or short hair is OK now, but not hair like he gets it cut. But anyway I think Lisa likes him, and he was nice too. So it's OK that Amanda is going with Jeff.
But here's the thing that happened, Marsh. There are these tall bushes over beside the tennis courts and between the pool, and on Friday I saw Becky and a boy go back over there for a long time, so they must be kind of famous. And this afternoon Amanda pulled Jeff's hand and they went back there and, then when she came back, she wouldn't say what they had done or how far, but just giggled. And when I looked at Zack, he just blushed, but I knew he wanted to go too or that Jeff would rib him about not going. And so we went back behind those bushes, and we made out!!! And he hugged me and we kissed and he rubbed my back, but he didn't try to put his hand into my suit at all except right on the top of the bottom. And he was real nice. Real, real, real.
So don't tell that to Daddy!! Because I don't think he thinks I'm old enough yet. And be sure Michael read about it either, OK?
And, also, Zack put his tongue in my mouth, but I don't think we did that part right, because it was a lot nicer when we just kissed lips and hugged, so do you think that you could tell me how to do that sometime?
But, actually we just spent most of the time talking about things to make people think we were doing it more than we did, and that was almost the nicest part of being back there too.
OK, so I can't really think of other stuff to tell you. And now I won't have a thing to talk about when you actually get here. :( But I guess that'll make Daddy happy, huh?
If you flap your arms while on the plane, will that make it go quicker?? :-P
HappyHAPPYhappyHAPPY HAPPYhappyHAPPYhappy HappyHAPPY happyHAPPY HAPPYhappyHAPPYhappy HAPPYhappyHAPPYhappy
Do you think she will ever, ever be better?
Your plane should almost be in Denver now. 4 HOURS!!
Oh, wait, gosh, I almost forgot!! I have a babysitting job on Friday, and it will probably be my last one for the summer, because they're going to their dad's, and then their beach house, and then camp. And I won't get money because I owe Ms Y. a bunch, but here's the important thing about it!! She's going out with Daddy to dinner! AND it is Not a group thing or anything, just the two together alone!!! ;-))
And one more thing, I think I'm going to get this swim suit, to replace that orange one I have to take back, that is a two piece but the top comes almost down to the top of the bottom part, and only a bit of tum shows, and it has ruffles at the bottom of the top and for the shoulder straps and is a real pretty blue, and I think Kaezee thought it was to kiddy-ish, but I'm only starting seventh after all so it will be cute, and that store has some broomstick dresses on sale, and I might get one that is red and blue plaid and about three sizes small and use it for a cover up. What do you think of that idea? We can go and try it at the store first, OK?
OK, so bye for now, CYL, HURRY!!
Oh, yeah, Lisa and Wendy invited me to their beach house too, and Daddy says he won't let me go, because he can't afford that much sun block!! But we will see about that, right? And maybe you can come too, if you want.
OK, bye.
Loves and Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!
Sky
PS. I'm so happy!!
Hi, Mike
If you open this on the layover, could you give the 'puter to Marsha and tell her to check her mail?
It's mostly just girl stuff that you wouldn't be interested in, so don't try and look over her shoulder and like that, OK? And she can tell you all about the new house and things too.
BTW, Daddy isn't mad at all about you missing the other plane to go and help Marsha. Because he said you were actually apologizing about it, and that made him laugh that you would.
4 HOURS, Bro!!!!!!!!!! Don't forget to get all set for the cannonball when you get here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 hours --- go sit on the wing and flap your arms, Michael. I can't wait!!!
Loves,
Sky
Dear Mama,
I tried to read your letters, all three.
I wish I had not hurt you so much. I never, never wanted to, but you didn't let me do anything else and stay me.
I'm sorry you didn't like the rose I sent. I know that most of the petals were broken off, I thought that made it look sad, but still pretty.
Mama, I'd hoped that when I said in my letter I still loved you, you could find some love still too.
Because love has to be returned for the magic to work. And things become people again. Because I'm not a thing, Mama.
I only am to you, and that is because of you. And that's, maybe, what started all the bad stuff.
I had hoped the rose would help you see that I still remember the good things, and you would see that they can all fall away. And I hoped that you might want to save some of those good things still. I guess not.
See, Mama, even with all that you did and stealing the money too, I still love you. You've got lots of money still from grandpaw, and that should be OK, just not rich. And we aren't going to want you to get sent to jail still at all either, Mama.
Mama, if anything ever does change, and you want my love again or want to love me again, write me, but from now on you have to send it to Daddy's lawyer, and he will send it to a lady I know, who will read it first.
I just don't want to hear you growl and snarl and swipe and claw at me anymore anymore, Mama. I just don't ever again. So the lady will make sure that is not what any letter from you is.
Only five people have ever sent me things at this email, and I've given them all my new address. Don't bother sending things here, Mama, because I'm closing it down forever.
Goodbye, Mama
I still love you,
Sky
EPILOGUE: In spite of that last letter, I held out hope that I'd get some more Sky letters. I hoped the account would be left open after all, and Sky would find a reason to use it; a change in the mother, or maybe just a letter from that boy at the fishing resort; or, maybe, that the gremlin that sent these letters to me was lodged in Sky's computer or IP address, rather than the email account. But it's been three months; Mike, Zack and Lisa have all been at camps or on vacations; Sky must have written someone, and the letter didn't come to me, so the gremlin must have been in the address, and now it's gone.
I guess I -- we -- will never really know what happened with Marsha that weekend, but I think we know enough.
And since she clearly breached her fiduciary responsibilities, I'm sure Sky's mother has already been removed as trustee of their trust funds, and the guardian of the life estate will be alert.
There is one thing I think Sky missed, however, one very important thing. The Beast let Belle leave once; Zachery once let Sky go; but Sky's mother never gave Sky her freedom. I hope Sky never, never thinks that the failure to break that curse was within her own heart.
I think, even with all that baggage, all that past, Sky is going to do all right, but I will never really know. I mean being who she is, how can Sky not live happily ever after? Or at least as much so, and for as long as, any of us can hope to in real life. But I confess, I believe that of many people, and it seldom works out. This time, though, it will.
Seek Joy,
Jan.